Friday, January 22, 2010

It's BSNYC! It's Friday! It's Fun! It's a Qüiz! (Now with gratuitous umlaut.)

(Image by "Anonymous Coward")

Have you ever walked into a bike co-op and thought to yourself, "Wow, I really wish I could see everyone in here in sexy poses."? Well, even though you haven't, the members of one co-op in Tempe, Arizona called "Bike Saviours" have nonetheless decided to put together a calendar containing just that. Here's the photo for January:, which features a snarling woman with cable housing between her legs:

I should mention that this is only one of the racy images I've received via email recently, and I also continue to get the occasional lascivious "get well" card as I am, uh, not fully recovered yet. [Insert feeble cough here.] If you'd like to get a sense of the contents of some of these cards, entering the terms "BMX" and "vulva" into a popular search engine should give you some idea. In any case, if you're a product of the digital age and are unfamiliar with the concept of a "calendar," it's basically like an abacus, but for time. Also, there are both women and men in the calendar, and September in particular promises to be a real stunner as the "Bike Saviours" appear to have enlisted the services of the astronaut farmer himself, Billy Bob Thornton:

Anyway, I'm assured proceeds go towards "bicycle education and advocacy," which is a good thing because there are definitely way too many uneducated bicycles out there, especially in Arizona. (And there's clearly no shortage of bike co-op members willing to expose their pubic thatches, either.)

Having either enticed or disgusted you, I'm now pleased to present you with a qüiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right that's fantastic, and if you're wrong you'll see bicycle marketing at its most powerful.

Enjoy the weekend, ride safe, and if you visit your local bike co-op you might want to wash your hands afterwards.

--BSNYC/RTMS








1) Hawks come in various:













3) Why is Mario Cipollini climbing a ladder?






4) Why is Mario Cipollini carrying a "man purse?"





(You don't want to mess with Balistic Mitch.)

5) "Balistic speeds are ________:"

--Possible






6) Which athletic company and which fashion designer are "collabiating" on a line of cycling apparel?








7) What comes in a "hipster starter kit?"

--A Pista, an iPod, a pair of skinny jeans, and an ironic t-shirt
--A six-pack of cheap domestic beer and an identity




***Special Failing the Test of Time Retro "Collabo"-Themed Bonus Question***


109 comments:

James said...

En! Fra Norway!

hillbilly said...

stellllllaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

hillbilly said...

cmon son!

Wagner said...

my comment

hillbilly said...

whole different view in the front, i never knew...

Anonymous said...

yea

Droopy. said...

Ninja jackets are hard to come by.

Anonymous said...

wow thats a first top ten

Anonymous said...

hawk

Cav Not said...

Top ten???

luciferyellow said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rezado said...

MAN, I LÜV FRIDAY

Anonymous said...

schluff, schluff into the Top20

TJ Eckleburg said...

September looks more like Keith Richards than BBT.

Maybe a Collabo?

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Today's quiz was too hard and too funny.

I avoided throwing up in my jacket, despite the last question.

HAIR BALL

rezado said...

Cipolini doesnt know what a prophylactic is.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Nick said...

i'd say september looks more like the singer from reo speedwagon.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I like the Adidas bibs with the Y-shaped suspenders which go between instead of over the boobies. They make them for males, too, if your man-boobies are trending towards a b-cup.

ken e. said...

THRO WUP!

Bad Lawyer said...

Snobby--

I'm so glad to see you return to the chin-to-shirt drop, them--it seems to have gotten short-shrift the other day among the commentariat and I really did think it was an amusing observation. You pegged the "exposure" of male chestliness to credibility. I've been pndering this, and I'd like to point out that there is zero chin-to-shirt drop among the NINE members of the Supremes. In light of many recent decisions--inlcuding yesterdays holding that corporations+money=free speech, how say you?

BL

Bad Lawyer said...

hillbilly--

You coulda been a contenda...congratulations, James!

mikeweb said...

EPIC FAIL

Very nice James - and hillbilly!!!

Oh, and the composer too.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I was amazed that when Lance first announced the Radio Shak team that the kits were not ready for public release. I think they lost out on hundreds of thousands in sales at that time. At the training camp Fat Cyclist attended, still no kits. Many were in their old Astana kits.

Now that racing has started at the TDU, we have finally seen the team kit. What a dissappointment.

Given the choice between Radio Shak and Rock Racing, I would choose Radio Shak, buy with world-class graphic designers at your disposal, I expected better. As pros, they should be embarrased that their frames are better dressed than they are.

Jefe said...

I think the Puma jacket was part of the failed s/m dungeon bike movement. It involved being bound with Kryptonite u-locks and teased by platform girls palping carbon Serrotas. It's so 2005.

mlliu said...

Snob, Looking through the latest Brooklyn Public Library newsletter, I noticed there'd be a screening next Tuesday of Aguirre, the Wrath of God. I think you'd be pleased to know that title was familiar to me solely because of your blog.

Anonymous Coward said...

I second BL on the chin to shirt drop.

The "splash guard" zipper to zipper line on the Puma jacket looks like it wouldn't be too friendly to the pants yabbies

Jen said...

You need to upgrade your medical terminology to the latest and greatest componentry, Snobby!

It's no longer VD or STD, but "STI".

(You know, for all those asymptomatic days when your crotchal area doesn't tell you that anything is out of the ordinary.)

ITCH LESS

sufferist said...

One does not just throw up a piece, a piece must be curated with a strong collabo between love, art and vandalism...sheesh...

Anonymous said...

LUV the zipper hanging over the eye area on that hoodie. what a great idea

hillbilly said...

thanks, was trying to channel Greipel

hillbilly said...

well done, mikeweb, sounds like you put some hurtin on your friend Schmalz! Sounded like a fun ride.

Anonymous said...

what does "throw up a piece" mean? I don't speak Italian, but I love the fact that on their version of punked they don't step in until after super mario administers a beat down to the two wouldbe bike theives, as gay as that beat down was.

Luck E. Seven said...

Fail

A

mikeweb said...

It was fun hillbilly - I blame the hot cocoa and muffin for my murderous impulses.

Anonymous said...

Anyone who's spent time actually cycling with women will recognize Stella's patentedly non-cyclist bodyway. It's a great example of the marketing and design issues that plagues women's cycling clothes. Besides, I don't see much to hold on to..

sufferist said...

I'm kinda interested in that jacket for sleeping al fresco while cold-weather camping, but the hood gives one too much of a Sleetak look.

Anonymous said...

Top 50! feels nice...

Ojos Azules said...

Hey Snob, congrats on your nomination !

http://tinyurl.com/ycav7u3

The rest of you, go and vote !!

g said...

Ojos,
I wanted to nominate RTMS for "Weblogs about gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender interests" but didn't see a write-in space.
Maybe next year...

Rick Donkey said...

I was in Tempe just last weekend, sadly Mill Avenue has become the Great Hipster Silk Route of the West. No hawks were seen, but there were thousands of these blackbirds who crapped on anything and everything...except me. Given their sheer numbers at the time, I'm surprised I emerged unscathed.

Stupid Name. said...

An all time great, I love wikki.

You need to collabo a bike. Ironic, yet snarky, street cred, and bicycle magazine friendly.

Think about it.

Steel is real, aluminum is for bongs, and crabon is for woosies.

John said...

the other night I threw up a piece...of day-old bacon. true story.

CommieCanuck said...

That Puma Vexed Jacket brought flashback to Pulp Fiction.

"well...get the Gimp..."

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

CommieCanuck said...

gotta love Italian TV producers.

If it were up to them, Meet the Press would be hosted by 19 year old porn stars in bikinis.

Yauheni Hutarovich said...

LTRN ROUG?

Anonymous said...

Top 50! And to think that I am only a Cat 5

Butch said...

Ooooh! CC beat me to the Gimp reference which would make my second Pulp Fiction reference in as many days! Oh well, somebody had to say it and CC seems the man for the job...

Shram said...

don't forget to vote for the Snob in the Bloggies

db said...

If it were up to them, "Meet the Press" would be hosted by 19 year old porn stars in bikinis.

You make that sound worse than the bitter old whores NBC trots out there.

I'm looking at you, Sen. McConnell.
.

ringcycles said...

As usual CC spot on. The Puma jacket is clearly designed for the sex slave into both chainwhips and whips&chains. Anyone from the BDSM underground would tell you that showing up to your dominatrix's door improperly attired is practically begging for extra lashings (not that she'll hold back anyway, since you've been SO bad)

Anonymous said...

Anonymous Coward,

Sick poster. Throw up that piece with some wheat paste yo.

DoNotReact said...

There's no way that hawk weighs 14 lbs.

5, tops.

Anonymous said...

why wouldn't an ad for marketing a bike in india involve dancnig

Fierce Panties said...

Bike Snob,

I want to extend a sincere congratulations to you placing in 2 categories in the bloggies!

Awesome.

CommieCanuck said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.


Enough already. it's just not getting funny.

CommieCanuck said...

You make that sound worse than the bitter old whores NBC trots out there.


People forget quickly, but Tim Russert used to host the show in only a yellow Speedo.

Anonymous said...

< what does "throw up a piece" mean? >

It's a sandwich coming up for air, I presume. (piece being Scots dialect-ish for sandwich, y'see...)

hey nonny mouse (still)

Thomas said...

Number of the beast! (plus a zero...)

H. Clinton said...

You right-wing bastards can eat my cock.

Butch said...

I love fried chicken! Didn't know Hillary knew how to make some good old fashioned fried chicken. But then, not being a right-wing bastard, I guess I am not invited anyway.

wle said...

that puma thing looks like a hooded black short p*nis

wle

landis in 06 said...

the 'boner' question scared me, I thought Snobby was 'bringing out the gimp'

Anonymous said...

Why isn't your blog in the Gossip category of the Bloggies? Don't make no sense to me...

ervgopwr said...

EYEV OTED

@LEB LGYS

But what's up with pitting Fatty's blog against the snob.

RTMS got the head-to-head votes and luckily fatty had a category to win all his own.

Salty Seattle said...

Gratuitous Cippo references on a Friday.

Snobbie, you're a true gem.

Varieties of beardways in the calendar. North AND south, it seems... Thank you, Tempe. Mt Lemon perhaps?

Bad Lawyer said...

Salty Seattle--

Cipo
Cipo
Cipo

BL

Jefe said...

“The third installment of the PEDALING: NYC series shadows our commuter host, Behroush Sharifi - aka “The Saffron King” as he traverses iconic Central Park and makes his way towards Greenwich Village...”

I hope you will be critiquing this video next week. This guy is a real piece of work. I watched him cut off a couple of cabs. At the end he appears to be heading straight into a speeding bus.

grog said...

Hope you're feeling fine, but do something bout that cough.
FUNK WHIZ
RIDE NICE

Monsignor Blair said...

As a former DJ of the Pacific Art COllective, my special talent was throwing copious amounts of beer down my gullet (not the free PBR mind you, even drunk bike shop managers have standards), and vomiting onto canvas, whilst being the DJ that I was. How's that for a collabo during Collabo?
Maybe I should have done all this during a track stand.

Salty Seattle said...

BL-

Damn! I wasn't looking in a mirror while I read your post.

He didn't appear.

Strangely though, there's a prophylactic that just showed up on my desk.

hillbilly said...

Jefe - yeah, that episode was just as bad as the others, my favorite part being when he left his bike unlocked on the sidewalk and went inside....and those omnipresent obnoxious words.......

mikeweb said...

jefe, hillbilly, I concur.

I must say though, the beard on the Saffron King is truly Epic. He took along a couple of baguettes when he left the bakery in case he 'got peckish' on his way to Chinatown. My guess is that he could've found enough sustenance embedded in that epic beard to fuel himself on a ride to the San Francisco Chinatown if he so desired.

and yes, I am jealous of the epic beard.

Rhode Island breathalyzer refusal lawyer said...

Another great post.

Barabas said...

I like Pontius Pilates.

So fuck you.

CommieCanuck said...

Pontious pilates?


What is that, some new workout plan for Oprah?

Fred said...

Nah, CC, I think Oprah's new workout plan involves schluffing a City Bike around Copenhagen

comment deleted dy author said...

78th!!! hey thanks for waiting up for me!

B. Frank said...

Cock tastes just like pidgeon.

B. Frank said...

Cock tastes just like pidgeon.

Z. Rocks said...

It's worth saying twice if it's worth saying.

kerry said...

THat Puma hoodie would not have been out of place at the BDSM party I went to last weel( hellfire club). In fact Stellas tbar shorts would havwe worked a treat!!

Snobby, I REALLY want to have a lookat September!!Hes hot!!( Im serious guys:D) The rest are so young as to appear, embyonic.( Im 41 ok).666

fang said...

buy a calendar, it can be september all year long!
http://www.bikesaviours.org/?page_id=29

Cappie said...

85th bitches!!! That hoodie kept me hidden until the main pelo went by... Nice!

Anonymous said...

Flush Down the Brown (Scott Brown)

Salty Seattle said...

B.Frank-

You must be eating "pidgeon" cock, then. Dude cock just tastes like dude.

But what do I know; I'm a vague-an.

Einstein said...

Prof Snobby-
are u grading on a curve? That quiz was a beeach, here's hoping a 2 out of 7 is passing. Musta been killing 13 pbr's and dodging a crazy red tail sporting a hoodie on my way home while riding my crappy Schwinn that added some stress . Jus wondring ..

kerry said...

cant buy the calender, reminds me of a old flame,I'd like to pretty much dismember( in oh so many ways).

That Stella ad gives me the shits, as whats with the toothpick thin legs? Cant she find any REAL chix cyclists? I look at that, and feel like my thighs are gigantic, mishapen logs! Also I bet they are 300 bucks without benefit of good chamois, extra seams and such. I wouldnt be suprised if they make Assos look cheap compared, either.

kerry said...

I suppose that the real body profile of female roadies is too scary for adds( being they are either of two - mine - flat chest, thin with overly large thighs and chunks of muscle or muscle bound legs under several layers of insulation, endomorph.

Not the best look for fashion!!!

outofbreath said...

it was just stress, and a broken heart...sorry for the off color remarks this week.

Anonymous said...

"Please Specialized, don't piss in my mouth and call it lemonade"


http://cyclinginquisition.blogspot.com/

leroy said...

Oh sure, joke if you must, but who among us hasn't thoguht "gosh, I wish I could hide my identity while throwing up"?

Ride warm all!

BSNYC -- Congratulations on the bloggie nominations.

PCLA said...

Rome, Italian Style gave me an idea: fixters can bring back training wheels to aid with trackstands while shoaling!

M. Coakley said...

All you right-wing bastards suck my balls.

leroy said...

Kerry --

Well now this is odd.

I have a similar body type as yours, flat chest and big thighs, and I can't get work as a model of wome's cycling wear either.

I thought it was my hairy back.

But now I'm not so certain.

DriftAway said...

Cheers Bike Snob NYC for a late night/early morning entertaining read to a blogger virgin, it was way better than the following blogs I came across after yours. Not a biker, but a NYC resident who rarely sees a red tailed hawk during her commute and you reminded me of one of my favourite bike friendly cities, Amsterdam. I hope you have/had a chance to go there, I don't know if they have footrests with friendly thank you's (!) but it's just beautiful like this one.

leroy said...

Oh okay, I may as well do the lead out.

98....

leroy said...

99....

Stupid name said...

100 yea,

A. Franken said...

I wanted to get 100. Fuck you right-wing bastards from Massachusettes.

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leroy said...

Dear Anon 4:26 --

Thank you for your kind offer. Unfortunatley, my investment portfolio is currently tied up with soon to be collector's item Rock Racing kits.

May I suggest you approach esteemed commentator, CommieCanuck who often reminds us that he lives in a country with reasonably priced health care and citizens with disposable income.

Kind regards and thank you for thinking of me.

kerry said...

Leroy,
I think that providing you get a wax, you sound pretty good to me.
But you'll have to wear the Rock Racing bibs on our 'date'.
But leave the Floyd Landis mask at home. I would need some female viagra.
The BMX mask is ok, I used to do BDSM and know the 'ropes'. I need someone to wash my bike.

Cadel said...

Hey thanks for waiting up assoles, I flatted and you bitches just flew by, crap I woulda podiumed had I had a better bike, now I'm pissed...!

So fuck you..

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