No, I'm not referring to this guy:
Though if he were coming to town this weekend I'd be disturbed too.
Though if he were coming to town this weekend I'd be disturbed too.
"SICX" also stands for "Staten Island Cyclocross," and this is disturbing to people who wear skinsuits and mountain bike shoes because the race actually takes place in New York City (yes, technically Staten Island is part of New York City). For the most part, cyclocross races tend to occur in areas which are inconvenient to "hipsters" (unless their parents have a country house there), so this means that, while they might idly discuss going to the race in the same way they talk about going to the velodrome, they almost never follow through. There are exceptions, of course, such as Portland. There, "hipsters" can easily access cyclocross races, and the results are predictably disastrous. Consequently, many people fear that holding a cyclocross race in "hipster"-ridden New York will be like putting a tweed hat on somebody with head lice, and that before you know it every cyclocross racer in North America will be scratching his or her head and wondering what the hell happened and why all the "hipster" cycling bloggers are now posting pictures of their "vintage" XTR M900 cantis.
As frightening as all of this is, I don't think anybody has anything to worry about. Some people cite the difficulty of cyclocross as the reason "hipsters" will never take to it, but it's even simpler than that. The truth is, it's too early, and no "hipster" worth his carefully-"curated" musical library is going to curtail his evening activities in order wake up in time to get to a 'cross race. I mean, just look at the schedule on BikeReg--both the singlespeed race and the requisite ironic World Championship race take place before noon!
On top of that, it's Thanksgiving weekend, when almost every New York City "hipster" has flown back to northern California in order to sleep in a clean bed for the first time in six months and negotiate with his parents for next year's living expenses. (Hint: be sure to cover up that new ink so Mom and Dad don't figure out that they're paying for your "sleeves.")
If anything, the real concern should be that a New York City cyclocross race will result in an infestation of roadies, which is far more insidious and potentially dangerous for the sport. (A single power meter will kill it faster than a thousand fixies with riser bars.) Fortunately, though, most cyclocross races are too late for roadies. Even though they're feeling guilty for that half a beer and that bite of pie they had on Thursday and feel compelled to race it off, they also like to be finished with their riding well before lunchtime so they can download their numbers and get on with not enjoying the rest of their day.
On top of that, it's Thanksgiving weekend, when almost every New York City "hipster" has flown back to northern California in order to sleep in a clean bed for the first time in six months and negotiate with his parents for next year's living expenses. (Hint: be sure to cover up that new ink so Mom and Dad don't figure out that they're paying for your "sleeves.")
If anything, the real concern should be that a New York City cyclocross race will result in an infestation of roadies, which is far more insidious and potentially dangerous for the sport. (A single power meter will kill it faster than a thousand fixies with riser bars.) Fortunately, though, most cyclocross races are too late for roadies. Even though they're feeling guilty for that half a beer and that bite of pie they had on Thursday and feel compelled to race it off, they also like to be finished with their riding well before lunchtime so they can download their numbers and get on with not enjoying the rest of their day.
While you should certainly be as comfortable on your bike as possible, it's important to remember that any kind of long-distance or "sport-oriented" cycling (basically, any kind of riding you do in lycra) is going to involve some degree of discomfort. It's also important to take the time to perform your own adjustments and figure out what works best for you, since the process of doing so can be far more useful than having somebody else try to do it. Most importantly, we all have a different relationship with pain and suffering, and each one of us needs to discover for ourselves what this relationship is.
For example, if you're the kind of person who likes to look at disgusting pictures of men with bleeding knees, enjoys discomfort and needless suffering, and indeed feels that these are essential ingredients in an "epic" ride, then you should forego any sort of bike fitting (whether outsourced or self-administered), don some Rapha and ride yourself stupid. On the other hand, if you're one of those people who's constantly whining about minor pains and thinks cycling should involve no sensation whatsoever, no amount of bike fitting and component swapping is going to make you happy and you should just grow a beard, stock up on half-shorts, and buy a recumbent.
Of course, you can always sell somebody on the notion that you can magically make their cycling experience more enjoyable, which is why I'm working on a new recumbent bike-fitting system. Here's a prototype of my "fit cycle:"
The process is very simple. If the rider is too upright, then he will complain and possibly cry, and if he's too recumbent then he'll simply fall asleep. Therefore, by gradually reclining the recumbent fit cycle, I can slowly lower the rider until I find that "sweet spot" between total absence of physical sensation and sleep in which every recumbent rider aspires to lie. A helmet mirror angle adjustment is included with every session, though soft drinks and potato chips are extra. Also, BYOS. (Bring Your Own Snuggie.)
The process is very simple. If the rider is too upright, then he will complain and possibly cry, and if he's too recumbent then he'll simply fall asleep. Therefore, by gradually reclining the recumbent fit cycle, I can slowly lower the rider until I find that "sweet spot" between total absence of physical sensation and sleep in which every recumbent rider aspires to lie. A helmet mirror angle adjustment is included with every session, though soft drinks and potato chips are extra. Also, BYOS. (Bring Your Own Snuggie.)
Apart from the bike fitting, I also noticed that the editors at "Bicycling" stealthily included almost an entire head-to-toe "Nü-Fred" wardrobe in their gift guide. Firstly, there's the wool cycling cap:
Yes, you're not a real "urban cyclist" until you own a wool cycling cap. If you're thinking of buying the Nü-Fred in your life one of these, be sure to pick the color that most closely matches his facial hair, since ideally it should sort of look "combed into" his beard and coiffure like a good toupee. Be sure that he also wears it while off the bike as much as possible, so that everybody in the coffee shop knows he rides a bike. For this reason, wool cycling caps are also known as "bike culture yarmulkes."
Yes, you're not a real "urban cyclist" until you own a wool cycling cap. If you're thinking of buying the Nü-Fred in your life one of these, be sure to pick the color that most closely matches his facial hair, since ideally it should sort of look "combed into" his beard and coiffure like a good toupee. Be sure that he also wears it while off the bike as much as possible, so that everybody in the coffee shop knows he rides a bike. For this reason, wool cycling caps are also known as "bike culture yarmulkes."
Next, there's the "hoodie:"
While the hooded sweatshirt became popular as casual wear in part because it was an inexpensive garment easily purchased in any sporting goods or army-navy store and not at all because it was especially good for cycling, if you're buying one for a cyclist you should be sure that it's not only very expensive but also sold by a cycling-themed company. This one is an excellent choice, and is sold by Outlier, makers of fine Snapple-proof shorts.
At this point, as a gift-giver, you may be tempted to include a nice pair of pants with the "hoodie." Stop! While this is perfectly logical in the normal world to which you are accustomed, in the world of bike-themed street clothing one shan't go forth without "shants:"
And finally, no Nü-Fred ensemble is complete without the latest essential non-essential item, the cycling-specific sneaker:
Yes, the "urban cyclist" in your life needs these, because "pedal hot spots" are a big problem when riding six blocks to the bar (or other local pedal-themed hot spot).
While the hooded sweatshirt became popular as casual wear in part because it was an inexpensive garment easily purchased in any sporting goods or army-navy store and not at all because it was especially good for cycling, if you're buying one for a cyclist you should be sure that it's not only very expensive but also sold by a cycling-themed company. This one is an excellent choice, and is sold by Outlier, makers of fine Snapple-proof shorts.
At this point, as a gift-giver, you may be tempted to include a nice pair of pants with the "hoodie." Stop! While this is perfectly logical in the normal world to which you are accustomed, in the world of bike-themed street clothing one shan't go forth without "shants:"
And finally, no Nü-Fred ensemble is complete without the latest essential non-essential item, the cycling-specific sneaker:
Yes, the "urban cyclist" in your life needs these, because "pedal hot spots" are a big problem when riding six blocks to the bar (or other local pedal-themed hot spot).
While these are all excellent gift ideas, I was disappointed to see that "Bicycling" omitted the new Cadel Evans t-shirt, which was forwarded to me by a reader:
It bears a quote from one of his many outbursts, which is "Don't stand on my dog:"
Personally, I think he should have gone with the one about the botched wheel change:
Or else he should enter the lucrative world of "urban cycling" apparel:
It shan't miss.
It bears a quote from one of his many outbursts, which is "Don't stand on my dog:"
Personally, I think he should have gone with the one about the botched wheel change:
Or else he should enter the lucrative world of "urban cycling" apparel:
It shan't miss.
96 comments:
OH YEAH
I LOVE YOU SNOB!
podium
Guess I'll round out the podium suckaz
ahh
top 5?
giro to DC
gee thanks, Lindsay
Woot Who Chad !
DAAAAAMMMMNNNN SNOBBY Top 10
Lucky 13!
I read the post. I read "0 comments". I shan't ever ascend the podium.
I meant "0 comments." My apologies.
Topizzle Twizzle.
I love the bicycle rules vid, but the hand signal demo has me confused. Backwards? Is today sdrawkcaB yad?
Do shants encourage sharts?
Even though they're feeling guilty for that half a beer and that bite of pie they had
this statement alone sums up why I will never be a "roadie".
When I used to race, I would do better with a hangover.
I guess that's why I quit, I figured I'd have to become an alcoholic to be really good.
Hipsters will never take over cyclocross...they can't even make it out to track races in which they already have the bikes, most tracks are in urban areas and races run at night!?!?
The fact that cyclocross requires a whole different bike, actual bike-handling skills (as opposed to the BS skills they think they get by bombing 9th ave), spandex, AND getting up early should make it prohibitive to most hipsters. -that is, until they grow up and realize bikes are more than just fashion accessories.
Damn Lindsay, go ahead!
Get on with not enjoying their day - beautiful, love it!
I will admit to owning a hoodie (an inexpensive one) and a wool cap. They are just so soft and comfortable!!
AYWCFBFATSMB
"All you wankers charging fifty bucks for a t shirt suck my balls"
first 25 comments are not generally very bright...just say-in...tune in later when people with minds comment
GOBB LER!
BEER!
See if you can find more pictures on flickr:
http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=astoria+cyclocross+2009
I don't know about guilty, but I'd definitely feel ashamed about having half a beer too, having a male genitalway and all.
Thanks Bobbo - you are adding a lot yourself, especially with your oh-so-clever-hyphenating
Bobbo - randomly chosen from about the 80 comment point yesterday:
ibn bin necker said...
everbody knows bikes were invented by the mormans when they invaded spain
us mooslims gotta sticks together
November 23, 2009 8:06 PM
ibn bin necker said...
everbody knows the bikes was invented when the mormans invaded spain
November 23, 2009 8:07 PM
ibn bin necker said...
aw shut the hell up rikim
Yes, I see, you may have a point, you have this whole thing figured out
Don't make me feel badly about ordering from Rivendell.
ILUV WOOL
...god dammit...i said i gotta stop for a pee & the whole fucking gruppo says "hey, no worries, bgw, we'll soft pedal so you can get back on" & then what do you guys do but up the tempo...
...i suppose you all think that's funny that i not only missed the podium sprint but almost didn't make the time cut, huh ???...
Are roadies only miserable while riding? Beacause it seems they are also able to express disdain while writing.
Anyone else see the news that Cuddles was crowned "Australian Cyclist of the Year"?
In related news, I was recently named "cyclist of the year" for my house.
CADE LSUX
Ant 2nd
sorry bgw, but that's what you get for peeing right before the county line.
i tried to tell everyone else to wait, bgw, i swear, don't believe what mikeweb, ant1, and bad lawyer might say to the contrary.
it is groovey!
shaggadelic baby!
fingerbang fingerbang fingergangbang!
Why isn't the best present for a cyclist a shoebox full of cash, preferably $20 bills, unmarked, "pre-tax" and nicely shrink-wrapped in plastic for easy carry in a merino wool jersey's back pockets?
hillbilly, how exactly do you "tell everyone else to wait" by sprinting past the paceline? can you explain that one for me? i think you're just pissed bad lawyer won the sprint, so now you're trying to claim you weren't even racing. bgw wasn't born yesterday. your preemptive mea innocentia isn't fooling him.
...ya know guys...excuses are like mavic wheel engineers (or mavic crabon spokes for that matter)...they always sound a little hollow...
...& cadel w/ your "Don't stand on my dog:" business ???...
...then get that little fucker off my lawn...
I was trying to control the race from the front?
Snob,
Should the $438 for the ensemble be added as a coefficient to the Pistadex to create a new, more predictive, multivariate analysis of how much it costs to truly enter the urban bike scene (Fixdaq)?
Snobbie - I guess you don't write for 'Bicycling' anymore? The derision you heap upon their
"Gift Guide", however justified, is also an indictment of their general editorial approach, i.e.serving as a shill for the 'product'. They can't be happy.
I will miss your monthly musings.
bgw - excuses and mavic engineers... they're both weak?
hillbilly - did bad lawyer give you that alibi? he may need to start calling himself good lawyer.
$400 for bicycle fitting, or 'Virtuafitting', because after the fitting session, you can no longer afford the bike.
In related news, I was recently named "cyclist of the year" for my house.
I still remain Canada's "Prince of the cobblestones."
No, he won't talk to me after I hurled my bike at him after he outsprinted me, not that I was sprinting.
The $400.00 bike fitting includes a "happy ending." I get "fitted" almost every week.
I resent Snob's implication that riding a recumbent isn't uncomfortable. Social awkwardness isn't something you can fix with chammy cream.
"Pre-noon irony is inherently hipster-proof"
Ahahahahahah!! Well played, bsnyc!!
...ant1...
...98lb weaklings...that's what the engineers generally weigh & as a consequence, that's the load limit on the high end crabon/crabon set...
Snobby, you forgot to add the mudflap/spats.
I paid the local Great Trek Bicycle Manufacturing Company $75 for a fitting when I got the worlds 2nd greatest Madone. Money well spent to have a plumb bob hung from my knees.
Pretty disappointed that BSNYC is relegated to making fun of hipsters in all the predictable ways... those jokes are so tired.
I'm totally vertical!
Final Cut and iMovie ownership and use should require a test and license.
Devin,
I think I make fun of everybody in predicable ways.
--BSNYC
devin
by predictable do you mean funny?
Devin,
by predictable do you mean accurate?
Money well spent to have a plumb bob hung from my knees.
True story: the plumb bob was invented by a guy named Bob Plumb.
But this gave me an idea: crabon fiber saddle testicles.
Why should prosthetic testicles be only for those who drive pickups? Why should they be heavy?
Liz(ard)
by accurate do you mean bitter?
I'm totally vertical!
CommieCanuck,
yes.
by Yes, what do you mean?
it depends on what the meaning of means means.
Bumpernuts
Crabon Saddle nuts.
I plan on riding my barcalounger until the bursitis abates--it's the only recumbent I ride. I refuse to ride a bike that needs a fluorescent flag to be operated safely.
And HB, Ant1...the sprinters have me at the start line, everytime.
CC
The Brooks Saddle Nuts are right up there with the Greg LeMond "Say Anything"/Stalker genius-graphics.
Bobbo said:
first 25 comments are not generally very bright...just say-in...tune in later when people with minds comment
Your post was comment #24.
Brooks Saddle Nuts require a special wrench/spanner to adjust for proper tension.
Udder - nice burn.
Saddle nuts come in three sizes:
Cadel Evans (S)
Rosie O'donnell (m)
Dick Cheney (l)
and two lengths,
Lance Armstrong and Clint Eastwood.
order today!
Just in time for the holidays--Silver Balls.
Ding-a-ling, hear them ping.
CC's just a lawsuit away.
They also come in black and white crabon fiber
CC
Nice Balls!
CC- Can I get a set of those in the Garmin-Slipstream argyle colorway? Those would look awesome on my safety flag-pole.
Heh, heh. Flag pole.
Damn, they're making me dumber already...
There is only one Lone Wolf.
CC
Yea man, nice balls. But I have to question the crabon ballway choice with the Brooks saddle. Shantn't that pair be lugged steel balls?
Cyclocross is just for old guys, who cant road race anymore, and never could snarl.
Hipsters attention spans are too short for cyclocross.
Cyclocross will be safe if rural, suburban, or urban.
Oh yea,
Commie Canuck,
Why are the white balls so much smaller?
Canadian, Meh?
there aint noone who stands up for us redneck mooslims but i aint fucking stoopid enuff to buy a hoodie for $225
i mean shit
as for that curmudgeon feller
may the camel of your desires scorn your advances ya stoopid fucker
OMG!!! Cadel Evans/Henry Rollins separated at birth!!!
I hope that you're aware of this.
I hope that you soundly trounce them sometime soon.
VDB4 EVER
"Jan made yet another mistake, and not just because she's a woman." around 2:17
from cranks505.com : http://vimeo.com/7446645
cyclocross + fixies?
Hey Liz,
Good to see you're still around. Hair looks great!
how many other outburstways does that shirt come in?
All I want for Christmas is a little free time to ride my bike. And ski goggles.
yes to snarky comments!
good work everyone, up until a moment ago my afternoon was sucking flowerboxes of woe. thanks snob!
those domain sitters need some innernets skills, if it don't load in 8 seconds, it's over
These would be more appropriate for use with a Brooks saddle, I think.
http://www.rivbike.com/products/list/odds_and_ends?a=1&page=2#product=21-078
Snobworthy story there, too. I have long suspected that Grant is one of Snob's literary influences.
Wow, I was just remarking to myself the other day, my daggy saggy tire tube bag hanging from my crabon bike saddle was giving me a gentailway I do not posses( unless I borrow one).
That roadie comment on the half beer and bite of pie. There I was , in my lycra, miserably contemplating that two tablespoons of ice cream and steamed vanilla milk I had after the ride....yikes
http://www.latfh.com/post/243797821/guys-a-little-help-my-bike-is-trying-to-eat-me
The future of urban cyclocross.
I learned all I needed to know about bike safety from this 1950s safety booklet I found in my Mother's attic last month.
Here's the summary:
If you're a scofflaw or careless, you'll be
* Killed
* Injured severely
* Scarred for life
* Arrested
* Have your bike taken away
* Have a mark on your permanent record
* All of the above
The best part is that it's illustrated with gory cartoons.
Commie Canuck,
Why are the white balls so much smaller?
That's just a myth, besides, I hear it doesn't matter.
What is it with you and all this recumbent hate anyway? What, you can't stand people that don't want a wedge shaped object shoved up our ass?
@BikeSnobNYC - please restore your credibility by clarifying your intent with this line:
'There, "hipsters" can easily access cyclocross races, and the results are predictably disastrous.'
in which you link to a picture of Portland racing legend John Howe (who is the opposite of anything hipster). This is either inaccurate, or beautifully dry.
if it's the latter, then, well played sir. well played.
So- a little late, but we're so glad you liked the video!
Fixdaq would also need to incorporate the average price of PBR and tattoo sleeves.
Классные мультики мультфильм на кинозоуне.
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