Wednesday, November 25, 2009

BSNYC Pre-Holiday Fun Quiz!

Thanksgiving is nearly upon us, which means it's time for me to make my annual trip back to the Idahoan tuber farm on which I was raised. Seeing my family is always a bittersweet experience, for my new life in New York City is in many ways at odds with that of my parents and my seventeen siblings, and I sometimes find myself chafing under their simple rural ways, conservative tastes, and strict Jainist mores. When I enter that bleak farmhouse reeking of incense, sit on that austere Bauhaus furniture, and clasp hands with my siblings as we say the Namokâr Mantra over our traditional Thanksgiving dal, I am instantly transported back to a childhood in which I was forced to harvest potatoes, watch Herzog films, and contemplate a universe without beginning or end. One year, when the harvest was particularly bad, Paw was forced to sell his favorite Francis Bacon painting. His nature has been tempestuous ever since, and the void in his soul is as palpable as the discoloration on the wall above the hot tub where the painting used to hang.

Anyway, the point of all this oversharing is to say that I will not be posting tomorrow or Friday, but will be returning on Monday, November 30th with regular updates. If you're American or you observe American Thanksgiving for some reason, you probably won't notice my absence since you'll be embroiled in your own holiday mishegas (that's a word Paw used to say; I think it's Hindi for "dinner"). If you're not American, I should briefly explain that Thanksgiving is a very big holiday here, and it's one in which people eat turkey. (Or, in California, giant turkey burritos.) Also, people--even hipsters!--engage in random acts of altruism:

Riding fixed-gears and shopping are the twin pillars of the urban "hipster" lifestyle, and when they combine them for a good cause everybody wins. But let's not forget on this Thanksgiving eve that "hipsters" can also be needy. A reader forwarded me this New York Times slideshow which offers us a glimpse into the squalid conditions in which many of them are forced to live:

Not since Jacob Riis has a photographer exposed this level of urban adversity. As you dig into your "epic" Thanksgiving burrito tomorrow, try not to choke on the fact that somewhere a "hipster" is going to sleep in an apartment without a second stainless steel refrigerator.

Incidentally, if you're taking part in one of these "Cranksgiving" things (personally, I'm waiting for my favorite holiday season folding bike alleycat, "Dahonukkah") but you don't want to suffer the rigors of fixed-gear riding, you can look like you're riding a fixed-gear thanks to coaster brake technology and "Coasties," to which I was alerted by another reader:

Once again, the great and charismatic Shane Stock of Oso Bike has proven himself to be a true pioneer. It's worth noting though that "blowing out your knees" has become the "You'll shoot your eye out" of the cycling world. I'm sure there are people somewhere who have suffered knee problems as a result of fixed-gear riding, just as I'm sure there are people who have indeed shot their eye out with a BB gun. However, if "blowing out your knees" was really that big of a problem then by now it would be an epidemic and I'd expect to see it happening daily on the Williamsburg Bridge. Imagine the horror you'd feel when you heard the twin bangs and the "shants" of the Nü-Fred in front of you exploded in a gristly rain of blood and ligaments.

Lastly, as the cycling world continues to obsess over the problem of doping, it's important to keep the whole issue of drugs and sports in perspective. To that end, we would all do well to watch this "epic" video, which I saw recently on All Hail the Black Market:



That's what I call "tripping balls."

It's now my pleasure to leave you with a brief pre-holiday quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see "The King of Customs." (He really likes purple.)

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may your Thanksgiving burrito be stuffed full of "epic" deliciousness.

--BSNYC/RTMS





1) The new Cadel Evans t-shirt (now sold out!) bears the following complaintway:






2) To whom does this chin dimple belong?






3) This look can best be described as:






4) "If you're thinking of buying the Nü-Fred in your life one of these [hats], be sure to pick the color that most closely matches his facial hair, since ideally it should sort of look 'combed into' his beard and coiffure like a good toupee." --BSNYC






5) This integrated handlebar/stem is called the:





***Special Competitive Edge-Themed Bonus Question***


"That's the spirit!" Motivational number curation at the:


106 comments:

kale said...

Like stealing candy from a baby!

Anonymous said...

Hey you're right - easy

ringcycles said...

Podium! Gobble

Anonymous said...

Hey you're right - easy

Bad Lawyer said...

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Anonymous said...

Top ten?

Rick Donkey said...

Dolphin photoshoot time!!!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

AERODYNAMIC ADVANTAGE

ringcycles said...

All You Haters Stuff My Bird!

BTW, what exactly is a tandem unicycle? I'm imagining something that the my college girlfriend would only try once.

marypoppins said...

12345

rezado said...

hi-rez

Anonymous said...

hoo yah

Anonymous said...

Whitmore's Landscaping Super Cross Cup!?! That's 2 years in a row Snobby was there...

Klaus Mohn said...

THNX GVNG

Charles said...

Tailwind bringing everyone in early!!

Anonymous said...

16 who?

Anonymous said...

17 shun

baby said...

Where's my candy!?!?! Dammit Kale!

db said...

Boise loves you. Have a great holiday.

hillbilly said...

Alright, "baby" was actually me, I admit it. Have a good holiday snob, sounds like a pretty normal/average way to spend it.

krexus said...

nytimes links broke? or is it me?

thegock said...

Finally, top twenty

mikeweb said...

Getchya funk off my whiz!

Anonymous said...

thegock

Nope.

Anonymous said...

In the Outlaw Street Race photo... the guy with the hat and shades...


Is that a CHICKEN SUIT he's wearing???

Billy Reid said...

OMG! Early quiz! You've blown my mind . . .

ibn bin necker said...

fo&d infidel dogs

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

with all of the arcane references in this latest blog I think I've discovered the true identity of BSNYC....Dennis Miller! am I right?

Brian said...

Epic Thanksgiving to you too, Spudboy.

grog said...

good family, good food, good rides.
thanks for the funk whiz Snobbers.

Hearing Aids said...

King of costums, ouch.

Dolphin Hater said...

Fantastic. The highlight was the Jacob Riis reference. Coming from a family of German slumlords, I can say with authority that that guy was a total tool.

CommieCanuck said...

try not to choke on the fact that somewhere a "hipster" is going to sleep in an apartment without a second stainless steel refrigerator.

Hipsters only rub lugged steel refrigerators.

Billy Reid said...

yikes, only 4/5 (no bonus).

mhandsco said...

Best opening paragraph ever.

bike locks said...

Great post, wonderful insights.

CommieCanuck said...

Pick some of these up for Black friday!

zenbicyclist said...

Thank your parents; harvesting potatoes makes everything else life throws at you seem not so bad.

ryan said...

thanks for the early quiz snob, have an epic break!

SubComandante Sasquatch said...

...on the Autobus with Tom "Turkey" Boonen.

Thanks for the appetite-whetting post, Snobby.

Unfortunately, my hunger for an epic organic vegan turkey burrito was short-lived:

http://bikeportland.org/2009/11/25/tweed-ride-coming-to-portland/#continue

Stupid Name said...

There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality.
- Pablo Picasso

I agree, best first paragraph ever, made me learn thing I did not need to know.

Thank you.

Strayhorn said...

Wait, if Rollins is showing up on Snob's site, is his role on Sons of Anarchy being written out? Does he get killed or something? The season-ender is not until next week!

Meanwhile, I'd like say I'm thankful for Tom, newest member of my ride group. He's older and slower than me, which improves my chances of looking like I know what I'm doing.

Stupid Name said...

http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-calories.asp?recipe=139388

Had me curious about the vegan turkey burrito. This is it not vegan
MM YUM

I think we will pass on it this year.

Anonymous said...

Damn, I'm totally gonna track down a turkey burrito.

g-roc said...

Wow, I'm eating daal right now. Who knew it was a traditional thanksgiving feast?

mikeweb said...

Happy gobble-day to you Snob and everyone here.

Don't forget to leave room for pie.

Anonymous said...

He really likes purple, but not as much as he likes over-priced bar tape. And was that ebay thing a pair of chopped up road bars?

Salty Seattle said...

What's prententious-speak for, "Damn! You're good!" Excellent week of posts, Snobbie!

Whether you're having Jainist mores, or enjoying Gina-ist mores, I hope you have them in abundances...Have a great holiday, everyone!

VEGN HLDY

wishiwasmerckx said...

As this Thanksgiving holiday descends upon us, let us pause to remember the famous words of the great Major Taylor:

"Don't be a pie-biter."

fierce panties said...

100%

PASS

fierce panties said...

Oh shit, my only 100% title has been stripped! I didn't check my answer for the Barmac question. I'll still wheel sucking for that elusive 100.

FIXI EMAC

FAIL FAIL

fierce panties said...

and there is only one Lone Wolf.

fierce panties said...

BSNYC

You're so lucky to have had a such a nurturing and normal childhood. I hope that you cherish it during this time of Thanks.

Thanks,

Fierce Panties

ant1 said...

Have a good thanksgiving everyone.

Stupid Name said...

I want my trucknuts in purple, just like my wheels, tape, powder-coat, and chris king anodizing.

shiveringincorner said...

"When I enter that bleak farmhouse reeking of incense, sit on that austere Bauhaus furniture, and clasp hands with my siblings as we say the Namokâr Mantra over our traditional Thanksgiving dal, I am instantly transported back to a childhood in which I was forced to harvest potatoes, watch Herzog films, and contemplate a universe without beginning or end."

Oh thank the Lord. And I thought I was the only one!

I'll see you in hell Herzog!

frilly said...

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Riding to my Mom's tomorrow to hopefully negate that half-beer & bite of pie. I'll be substituting pumpkin tiramisiu for pie. Mmmm.

leroy said...

I was just looking at my "to do" list for tomorrow and it has "put on chicken suit, ride over to 77th and Central Park West and tell folks you're there for the parade."

I don't remember putting that in there. I wonder who's having a parade.

Oh well, it's probably a small community fund raiser type thing and I'm happy to help out.

At least I'll get home in time for the dog show on TV tomorrow afternoon, the note on my "to do" list says to show up real early in the morning. It says something about ballast needed for balloons.

Maybe it's a fund raiser for that balloon boy's family.

Guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Ride safe all!

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd
heritage bird tangled in spokes
now that's news
oy
similarly,

oi

Jesse Smith said...

Just to clarify, from a Buddhist perspective, contemplating a universe without beginning or end is not beneficial. In MN 63, Culamalunkya Sutta, the Buddha said, "And what have I left undeclared? 'The world is eternal...The world is not eternal'....Why have I left that undeclared? Because it is not beneficial..it does not lead to disenchantment, to dispassion..to direct knowledge, to enlightenment."

hammerfooter said...

How the hell did Kale get hisself a post in there a full 6 minutes before anyone else? I smell conspiracy.

ishmael bin necker said...

call me ishmael

The Pedal Project said...

Tower of Power asks "what is hip" in 1970, Whats hip today might become pase.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUFxj59Fa9o&feature=related

bikesgonewild said...

...ok...got that fucker...in..my..sites...BAM...

...alright !!!...somebody's gonna get thanksgiving dinner after all...

...my best to all the regulars, non-regulars, irregulars & may you all be regular tomorrow morning after all the stuff you'll eat today...

...happy thanksgiving, gang...

matt said...

i too was fooled...

when i witnessed "yet another fixie" doing mini skids down the road, only to see the dude coast into the entrance to his apartment block. at least he had the right kind of jeans.

CommieCanuck said...

...ok...got that fucker...in..my..sites...BAM...

...alright !!!...somebody's gonna get thanksgiving dinner after all...


Not a big challenge to shoot a turkey, just leave the gun on the ground and they will likely shoot themselves.

(I'm assuming you're not eating cheetah this year)

wishiwasmerckx said...

Mmm...cheetah...tastes like chicken.

ishmael bin necker said...

is turkeys kosher?

Coastiedouche said...

Ive finally been classified,the coastie is part of the lexicon of doucheness.I guess we're all coasties with our first bike at 5 years old.At which point did we get a chain belt a chain wallet, and postcards in the spokes so we can be like everyone else.

bikesgonewild said...

...i always say "if you're gonna give thanks, give thanks for a rare & endangered species...it's just more satisfying that way"...

leroy said...

When the moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie
That's a Jainist more.

Turns out my dog slipped the note in my to do list about riding in my chicken suit in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day pararde.

He was trying to get me out of the house so he and his buddies could watch the American Kennel Club's annual dog show on TV.

It's like Americas Next Top Model for dogs.

Oh well, at least they left some beer in the fridge.

Anonymous said...

http://cdn.mos.bikeradar.com/images/news/2009/11/24/1259064768218-op8gz5abxnmi-798-75.jpg

Have you seen this?

Wow.

bikramyoganj said...

You have 17 sisters and brothers? Really? no way

Anonymous said...

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Bad Lawyer said...

Gold colourway finger-bang tee, nice.

Anonymous said...

Commie Canuck,

Wild turkeys (where they are hunted) are not so easy to track and kill, hence all the specialty magazines.

Standard pose seems unseemly

bikesgonewild said...

...anonymous dude...i could ride 300 yards through the woods n' up the hill right near to my house, wait maybe 10, 15 minutes 'til a flock of local wild turkeys wanders by so close, i could use the front wheel on my cx bike as a "ring toss" & snare one of 'em...

...either i'm a great hunter or it's just not that hard to do...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

I'll bet that Turkey Heaven is full up today.


Signed, Spanker Mcfarland

ken e. said...

at budgie's, the tofurkey and potato burritos are epic!

Stupid Name. said...

Bikes gone wild.

You are obviously unaware how effectively nature fights back. Give it a try, I look forward to seeing your next post, with 6 instead of 10 fingers, and only one eye. Try it from your single speed cyclo cross bike, the words will be even funnier, with a concussion.

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, I rode 300 yards up the hill by my house, then drank a 5th of Wild Turkey, so we have that in common.

ishmael bin necker said...

turkey season wasnt worth shit this year

me and rikim had to sit and face east at our spot, but them turkeys tend to wander in from the north so we never gots a good shot at them

it didnt help that rikim wood brake out into prayer chants ever now and then and it wood scare them turkeys away

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx...you, sir, just may have a better idea there...

...stupid name...your premise is patently absurd based on the fact that i'd never ride a single speed cross bike...

...allah akbar, mr bin necker...didn't figure you n' rikim got up early enough in the day to know which way was east...& damn, son...you were a lot easier to keep track of when you were plain ol' red neckerson..

...you know, just sayin'...

Bluenoser said...

I want to visit these turkeys when I come to visit bikes.

-B

Stupid Name said...

Bikes gone wild

I take it all back, forgive me.

bikesgonewild said...

...bluenoser...wild turkeys, deer, skunks, squirrels, opossum, coyotes, foxes, bobcats & mountain lions...

...& that's all before leaving the front yard...

...stupid name...all is forgiven...well, maybe my knees aren't willing to forgive me but therein lies the reasoning for avoiding single speeds n' cross bikes when hills are involved...

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, what, no ligers?

bikesgonewild said...

...no ligers, tigons nor elephunks,
...the big gray guys w/ swinging trunks,
...that's not to say they couldn't be,
...they could be hiding in the trees...

Anonymous Dude said...

Where they aren't hunted, I see them all the time, in fact saw one (hen) at the Alewife Parking Garage and Red Line Station last Wednesday with commuters just walking by on the sidewalk 5 feet away.

But where they are hunted, they drift into the brush and woods when I'm 200 yards away.

Just sayin'.

Deer are stupid that way too.
Gotta kill 'em to knock any sense into 'em.

Besides, Ben Franklin liked 'em so I'm willing to lie about them.

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