Wednesday, July 15, 2009

BSNYC Product Review: Outlier Summer Shorts

Yesterday was an auspicious one for Mark Cavendish, who won yet another Tour de France stage. (This is not a spoiler, as the Spoiler Statute of Limitations expires at midnight on the day the stage has been run.) Furthermore, the "Man Missile from Manx" (otherwise known as "Manxwell Smart," "Manx for the Memories," and, to a select few, "Tickles") reached deep into his Suitcase of Esoteric Victory Salutes and delivered one that made his weird phone call thing look like a good old-fashioned arm-raising. As Cavendish crossed the line he took his glasses off and proceeded to clean the lenses as though they were bifocals and he was a dowager about to peruse the society pages over a cup of tea:

My first thought was that this must be Cavendish's way of saying, "Losing? I don't see it. Maybe there's some schmutz on my glasses. Hmmm, nope, still not there. I guess I'm just awesome." However, after the stage Cavendish explained it was a reference to the colorway of his glasses--that colorway being green and one in which Cavendish hopes to be swaddled in the very near future. Hopefully Cavendish doesn't also have a green chamois in his shorts, because that could make his next victory salute not only extremely awkward but also totally unsafe for work.

Speaking of shorts, the clothing company Outlier recently offered to send me a pair to try. If you're unfamiliar with Outlier, they're "about classically tailored garments made with the best technical fabrics around. Clothing that looks great no matter where you are in the day, riding to work, meeting with clients, or out on the town." At least that's how they put it. The way I put it is that they're sort of a hipster Rapha in that they also make expensive clothes but all of it is meant to be worn both on and off the bike except for just some of it. In any case, here's what the shorts look like when worn by a bunch of guys with an aversion to socks who are having a great time with each-other:


And here's how Outlier describes them:

Shorts for a different sort of triathlete. They may not be made for winning races, but you can run, swim and bike in these shorts with style and grace. The OUTLIER Summer Shorts are a classic short that can double as swim trunks. You can ride to the beach, jump in the ocean and ride back to the city without ever having to change. Like all Outlier garments these are shorts designed so you can look good without thinking or planning. Just toss them on, jump on your bike and let the day happen freely.

For the Pale Gray version we used our Summerweight fabric and for the Black our 4Season. Both fabrics are made by Schoeller in Switzerland and have all the great performance properties discussed elsewhere on our site. Water resistant, quick drying, 4way stretch, abrasion resistance, the list goes on... We added supplex pocketing so everything dries down as fast as any swimsuit in the sun. If you need to take a wave, the side pulls cinch up to hold everything firmly in place. The extra side loops let you clip in your keys. The inseam falls at the lower to mid thigh so that you always look proper even in the most compromising situations those late night pool parties bring.

Fit wise, buy your standard size. If you are in between sizes go for the larger. The side pulls will cinch in tightly to take up any slack. The leg opening is a medium lean and the inseams are 7.5". Like all our garments the Summer Shorts are made in New York City to ensure superior quality and construction.


Now, I should say that, while I own plenty of cycling-specific shorts, I cannot remember the last time I purchased a pair of regular walking-around shorts. Instead, when my pants get old I simply demote them to shorts status via the judicious application of scissors. I never really saw the point of having "nice" shorts since any situation in which you'd need to dress presentably would almost certainly call for pants (or of course a skirt). And as far as cycling goes, if I'm racing or doing a long ride I'll wear cycling shorts, and if I'm just riding around town I'll wear my regular conversion shorts. Maybe in certain rare circumstances, such as racing a Smart, I'll wear cycling shorts under regular shorts (with bibs un-bibbed in case I need to do a Cavendish chamois victory salute). As such, the notion of a pair of plain black shorts that require no less than three paragraphs of explanation struck me as both amazing and amusing.

Still, I decided to try them. Perhaps in limiting myself to either full-on cycling shorts or cheap conversion shorts I'd been depriving myself of a sort of intermediary cycling bliss which would allow me to be comfortable in any situation--whether it's palping my Scattante or standing awkwardly at the periphery of some Impassioned Hipster Dancing. Anyway, here's what the Outlier shorts look like on the BSNYS/RTMS Test Sisal after they've been worn for awhile. This is the front where the genitals go:



And this is the back where the buttocks go:

When I first put them on they seemed comfortable, and while they're shorter than I'd like the fact is I'm also a person of many, many hangups and one of these is that I generally refuse to wear shorts that don't cover my knees (cycling shorts excluded). But the fact is that they just looked like plain black shorts, which is certainly not a bad thing as far as I'm concerned.

Next it was time to actually test them, and at this point you may be asking yourself the same question I was: underwear, or commando? Obviously when I wear cycling I don't wear underwear, but when I wear regular shorts, I do. But as you may have noticed in Outlier's description, these shorts are also supposed to function as "swim trunks." Obviously, on those occasions when I do swim, I don't do so in my conversion shorts--instead I wear something more appropriate. Moreover, if I'm going to the old swimmin' hole by bike, I don't find it particularly troublesome to bring a pair of "trunks" along. However, if these shorts are in fact intended to be used for the "hipster triathlon" of riding, swimming, and shallow social interaction as the marketing copy states, then the implication is that one should go without underwear when rubbing them.

Frankly, I found this daunting. ("Rubbing" was exactly what I was afraid of.) Here is the Outlier crotchal region juxtaposed with the crotchal region of an actual pair of cycling-specific bib shorts:

While the pockets of the Outlier shorts are made of soft fabric, and while the frontal flap protects one's "man missile" (assuming you have one) from the horrors of the zipper, there's also a pronounced taintal seam. I don't know about you, but I know which one I'd rather put between my legs.

Still, I decided I'd go the commando route. And with that, I slipped on my Outliers, saddled up the Scattante, and headed to the beach. The beach I chose was Manhattan Beach, and if you're unfamiliar with Brooklyn here it is in relation to the Fixie Hatchery of Williamsburg:

Of course, Manhattan Beach is well within the Hunting Ground of the Lone Wolf, and I was fortunate enough to see a number of them. Here's a particularly proud example I encountered in Sheepshead Bay:

Yes, in the Fixie Hatchery it's all Frida Bars, but the further away from it you get the wider and more splendid the cockpits become.

Incidentally, while I had been concerned about riding commando in my Outliers, in practice it proved not to be a problem and they were perfectly comfortable. So, emboldened by comfort, we crossed the footbridge and headed to Manhattan Beach:


I should mention at this point that there are two things you should never do in New York with people from California: eat burritos; and go to the beach. In both cases you'll be subjected to constant reminders about how crappy they are here compared to how amazing they are in California. Every Californian seems to have an annoying story about some amazing burrito they had one time that was as big as a baby and only cost 14 cents, and every Californian seems to have out-sized and unreasonable beach expectations. It just so happens I was with a Californian, so predictably the beach-denigration began. Ordinarily I wouldn't have had patience for it, but in this case I had to agree, since it turned out Manhattan Beach was in the throes of a sandstorm:

You can't really tell from the picture, but those flags are thrashing about like a mullet at a Testament concert and the haze around the beach-goers is in fact sand. I only wish I had brought a frame in need of repainting, since I could have gotten it sandblasted for free. Still, the good people of New York, woefully ignorant of the vastly superior beaches on the West Coast, were undaunted:


Like Bedouins we trekked through the gale and picked a spot near the lifeguard just in case I began choking to death on "epic" burrito stories and remorse. I then set down the "hipster survival kit," which consisted of this convertible Knog pannier/shoulder bag I recently found buried under a pile of "hipster cysts," as well as a pair of canvas Vans in the ska colourway I had obtained specifically for the occasion:


Here's our neighbor, plugging her ear lest she inadvertently overhear another burrito story:


Here's my accomplice's bag after like 45 seconds, already getting buried:


Honestly, I don't know how the pair of exposed buttocks in the background could stand it.

At this point our patience was eroding faster than the shoreline, so I knew I had to begin the testing immediately. Since Outlier were billing these shorts as something you can wear all day long in any situation, I knew the first thing I had to test was stain-resistance. After all, no self-respecting person would show up at the après-plage soirée in filthy shorts. As such, I set out to determine how the fabric would react to this cheese sandwich slathered in mayonnaise:

Notice that sand is already accumulating on the cheese.

"Oh no! The sandwich guy used too much mayo!" Better wipe some off on my shorts:


Predictably, my shorts were now covered in mayonnaise:


But would it remain there all day long and cause me much embarrassment later? Or to put it another way, would these shorts "hold the mayo?" Only time would tell.

Next, I set about to determine the moisture-resistance qualities of the shorts by administering the Snapple Test:


After a mouthful of sand and cheese, nothing's more refreshing than a cold, oversweetened iced tea:


"Oh no! I missed my mouth!"



Amazingly, though, the Snapple simply bounced off the shorts like insults bounce off an idiot:



Now that I was covered in mayonnaise and Snapple, I figured I should test the shorts out in swimsuit mode:


The swim would have to be brief, though, since our little encampment was nearly buried already:


I approached the water with trepidation for three reasons:

1) Not too long ago, they weren't letting people in the water at Manhattan Beach due to pollution;
2) It was incredibly windy and the water was cold;
3) This guy:



Nonetheless, I girded my mayo-and-Snapple-covered loins and entered Neptune's briny realm:


The shorts were perfectly comfortable for swimming, and they stayed securely on my body in the tumultuous surf, just as the marketing copy promised. Here's a shot of them in action:

And here's a revealing undersea self-portrait:


Not only that, but when I emerged the water beaded right off and the shorts were as clean and mayo-free as you please:

Unfortunately, in the 10 short minutes it took me to conduct the swim test, my accomplice had disappeared. I assumed that she either took up with the hirsute guy from the water, or else was subsumed completely by sand:


In any case, clearly it was time to leave, as my "hipster survival kit" was taking on sand like an alleycat takes on sponsors:



So we assembled our belongings and headed back to the mainland while we still had some skin left:


While my shorts were still wet, they pretty much dried out by the time we reached Avenue L:


So basically, the shorts did everything Outlier said they would. I must confess I did experience some irritation later on, but that is simply because I was forced to flee the beach under duress; under normal circumstances I would have rinsed myself off in fresh water and taken some time to dry out before leaving. Really, hopping on a bike while wet with seawater is a bad idea in any garment (with the possible exception of actual non-ironic triathlon apparel, which is a bad idea for a whole other set of reasons).The fact is that they're comfortable shorts, they deflect foodstuffs, and you can even swim in them if you're so inclined.

Of course, the metaphorical glop of mayonnaise on these shorts is the price: they're $120. That's a lot of mayo, and vastly more than I am willing to spend for casual shorts, which is zero. However, if you're in the market for a pair of comfortable shorts that are made in New York City, are condiment- and beverage-resistant, are stretchy for riding, and can be swum in, please note that Outlier have generously arranged for a special price for readers of this blog (or at least people who can find their way to this blog and click a link) of $97.

Thanks very much to Outlier for the shorts--I'm guessing you won't be wanting them back.

110 comments:

Andrew said...

ahem

Anonymous said...

cha-ching!

The Modern Sky Expanding said...

nice

OBA said...

podium!

Anonymous said...

BEN BONTEMPO

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten.

mikeweb said...

Top 10 - I don the "maillot hairy"

rezado said...

I scorch the pie-eaters and the haters

shmaltz herring said...

Minyan?

Anonymous said...

BOO-YA!

ken e. said...

just scrolling down to the comments took me into pack fill territory!

rezado said...

juxtaposed

Luck E. Seven said...

SCORCHERS!!



A

wishiwasmerckx said...

Really now, smearing your borrowed shortss with your man-mayonaise is just so wrong on so many levels.

Luck E. Seven said...

or in knuck tat parlance:

SCOR CHER



A

Oracle said...

This might be your best product review yet.

Anonymous said...

Those Vans don't look as good as the Vans you get in California.

Anonymous said...

How did the shorts affect your already established cycling specific leg tan?

Anonymous said...

How did the shorts affect your already established cycling specific leg tan?

displacedcalifornian said...

wandering in the wasteland...

Fierce Panties said...

Fierce!

Mad Jack McMad said...

Hincapie?

Daddo said...

BSNYS?

no longer just the Mayor but now the Governor?

streepo said...

Are these shorts also twatcrust resistant?

Test Tickle said...

Testament is so much better to see live in California. I mean, they're like totally from there.

hillbilly said...

Awesome as always....funny, that's exactly my thinking when it comes to shorts, and my "friends" always call me Gilligan for my cutoffs...

Anonymous said...

under water you look caucasian.

Fred said...

Damn, mis-shift into my granny gear made me come out of my toe-clips. Encore je suis le pack-fill.

Wes said...

Look look? Persue - pursue, peruse? Honestly Snob.

And now for the rest of the post - I love reviews.

Anonymous said...

I recently palped a pair of jeans chopped into shorts (one of the knees had gone) and was told that I was 'on trend' outside a hipster bar in London.

I wouldn't have minded but this blog has turned me into a hater.

Anonymous said...

We'll stop bragging about the burritos if you'll shut up about the bagels.

Andrew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rantwick said...

Underwater photography! That's new! I hope nobody CSI's your face out of that blob... some people wanna know, y'know.

Fierce Panties said...

It's casual short season and I get to flaunt my leg tats! Fuh-Fierce!

H M
I A
R Y
S O
U N
T N
I A
S I
M S
& E

RatherBeBiking said...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bicyclesonly/3723881924/

frilly said...

Frilly's revised list of things to do in NYC:

1. Re-enactment of "From Here to Eternity" beach scene with Snob.

2. Re-enactment of "Under the Bridge Story" from Bust magazine with Snob.

Anonymous said...

They look like rebadged mailman shorts.

tentofortysix said...

Way to negotiate a discount for readers! I hope you're getting a piece. That would disavow all rumors of your hipsterdom.

sufferist said...

While visiting the east coast, my family and I went to Sandy Hook on the Jersey shore(http://www.sandy-hook.com/), that was an awesome beach. I was thinking at the time that it would make a great place to hold a criterium. Would it be ironic if the inaugural BSNYC Race to Cure Irony was in New Jersey? Primes could be paid in giant clam shells. Give it thought....talk amongst yourselves....you know the topic....

jflo said...

Anon 2:04 - Amen.

Strayhorn said...

That end-view of your sandwich scared me, at first I thought it was another NSFW crotch shot of some female cyclist.

As for the Manx Missile: now I'm all a-twitter (but not enough to sign up for that overhyped service) as to what he'll do next. The phone call was weird enough but cleaning his specs on the finish line? What's next, holding his thumb and first finger in a circle while pumping his hand up and down?

Anonymous said...

Kelp becomes you.

anon 2:11 said...

If I may coin a phrase:

Legal Hipster

Which I shall refer to BS as if he ever comes up in conversation...wow, I shudder at the thought. Luckily all of my friends are fat, lazy and think bikes should have kickstands. So this material is way over their heads.

If it isn't already clear, everyone has seen a hipster but nobody is one.

Needless to say and before long, with all of the hocking he is doing, Snob will have a wandrobe as though he were bred in the hatchery since highschool. Difference being, it was all free...well, it didn't cost any...money.

Anyways, you can't put a price on dignity as we are so often reminded. I can't wait for the antlers on that boardwalk bike to go on the Scattante for a review. That will be so damn ironic which is the basis for all hipster laws.

Let the hunted become the hunter.

Within the law, of course.

cav said...

why do you new yorkers all like snapple ? is it a genetic thing ?

Seanywonton said...

Great post! But are they PBR resistant?

red neckerson said...

while you was out in the water did you jump any sharks

d. fofonov said...

Is Mr. Cavendish racing tomorrow? If so I am sleeping in.

sufferist said...

Since they have never been to California, New Yorkers don't know what food is supposed to taste like and drink Snapple as a result.

K said...

Appears to be a pointy toe growing over the big toe in "exposed buttocks" pic. Appears anyway.

When it's over it's over, drink up. said...

FINALY, shorts I've needed to complete this look I’ve been working on. Um….a work in progress

db said...

"...the Snapple simply bounced off the shorts like insults bounce off an idiot."

Awesome.

Seanywonton said...

Cav, I can't be the only one who remembers this song. Classic West Coast Snapple reference:

I cop a little beat for the Yo to come off on
Anyway you ride it, you still can get your flow on
So listen while I g-o and break some niggas' ego
Yo-Yo be rippin shit, but you don't hear me though
It's one of those Saturdays, and we're hangin
Rollin 7 deep in my homie's station wagon
Lookin all faded, eyes redder than a apple
Stop at 7-11 cause Chenee want a snapple

Daddo said...

and where is the rapha discount link?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Red Neckerson,

No, but I think I may have been grazed by a rubber.

--RTMS

Andrew Brautigam said...

taking on sand like an alley cat takes on sponsors - excellent.

this new yorker had snapple in his elementary school cafeteria. maybe that's why we like it...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Cav,

Snapple is from "Valley Queens" and thus established a stronghold in the New York area.

--BSNYC

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Your "we" is mysterious indeed. When first this "we" appears, it seems it refers to you and one or more of the following: your shorts, the contents of your shorts, or some imaginary other.

Soon after, the other materializes as a Californian, whom you later reveal to be a female.

Then "she" disappears for no apparent reason. And before "sh"e makes her reappearance there you are, "we" once more, assembling your gear.

I suppose if you are the sort of person who takes self-portraits while smearing food on your shorts at a public beach, even your imaginary friends may find reason to wander off.

They're was something else I was going to mention too, but no matter.

Anonymous said...

I found it interesting upon visiting Outlier's website that Ice Cube was in the ad pulling a baby in a bicycle trailer. I will admit that i was not very interested in purchasing these shorts, but was intrigued by shorts sponsored by the star of "XXX State of the Union." I wonder if these shorts of good being released from prison to protect our nation from an attack on terror.

Disgruntl Ed. said...

"she"

"sh"it.

kale said...

It's Wednesday!

That reminds me - you know what else is better in the Golden State?

Anonymous said...

Manhattan Beach? Why bother, Snob? That's a real crap stretch of sand. You should have taken the Californian to Breezy Point, it's WAY nicer and less full of hairy Russians. Because it is only really accessible by bike, it's actually a popular destination for newly-hatched fixies. In fact, you should go out there and do an entry about the scene. You might even get a few shots of untamed, bad attitude, hipster bush.

TheTye said...

You are right, The first thing that I start thinking about when I'm out of state is how crappy the mexican food is where ever I am. And our beaches are super-awesome...

Manximal said...

Coney Island Whitefish!!!!

Astroluc said...

"thrashing about like a mullet at a Testament concert"

priceless

PhilboydStunge said...

Dang Snob, come on! You went to the beach with your accomplice and didn't bring back any pictures of her for your boys? Especially after the esteemed commentors liked her so good at the pseudo-Dutch bike review, where you dropped that 8 year old. Great review, shorts 1 - beach party 0, but we want pix of your accomplice.

Eric Lowe said...

Beware the stealthy claws of the taintal seam.

Lizzylou said...

Why does your chamois have a stain?

Ralphy said...

nice one as always Snob but us hairy guys need love (and beach time) just like everybody else

BadBeard said...

Snob, is that you in that skirt?

PhilboydStunge said...

Check it out Snobbie. Henry, at Henry's Work Cycles in Amsterdam who builds and sells 45 pound Dutch City bikes, sneers at "fashion accessory" fixies too. Leather skinned tubes? Those Amsterdamers get way more style points than NY hipsters. http://www.bakfiets-en-meer.nl/2009/07/13/unclear-on-the-concept/

bikesgonewild said...

...bitches can be fighting for podium spots all day long but red neckerson comes through for the real win w/ that comment...
...fa-ged-aboud-it...nothin' can come around that shit...

...& on top of it, he may have given us the key to bsnyc/rtms's identity...

...bike snob nyc = lloyd bridges...

...just sayin'...

ice cube said...

"You can't really tell from the picture, but those flags are thrashing about like a mullet at a Testament concert" Snobs, love it man!!

leroy said...

Burritos in Brooklyn?

Of course you have to go to one of the carts at the soccer field in Red Hook.

Although the carts are now also plying their trade at the Brooklyn Flea, it just isn't the same.

And really, who can eat after seeing a rusted hybrid being hawked as "vintage" for $175 at an outdoor hipster market?

Paul Bowen said...

May I join the chorus of approval for
"...thrashing about like a mullet at a Testament concert"?

Just lovely.

Beefy McManstick said...

There are beaches outside of (Southern) CA?!

poppins said...

i just looked at the photos and it was funny, much love x

sufferist said...

Beefy McManstick:

There are other places where the ocean meets the shore, but no, they are not the same. California has best sand (nurgles and all), best water (sewage and all) and the best scenery (stds and all), accept no substitute....

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's more like, "Cadel? Can't see him. Better get a stronger prescription to see that far back."

Surly Bastard said...

Snob,

Here in Michigan no one is working (unemployment is now just something under 99%) so with time on our hands, and no money, we love biking to the beach and laying about. What I need though is a good book to take to the beach to read, and to act as a table for my own (government) cheese and mayo sandwich. Where's your book? When does it drop? Where do I find it? Will it have a washable, stain-resistant cover?

Wes said...

Hillbilly

Last time I wore cut off jeans even my yes men wouldn't stop laughing - something about looking like Jessica Simpson.

That's how we wore them in the seventies, pockets longer than the legs. Kids these days, no idea about cool.

pale_ale said...

They sell 80-dollar hats on that there website. I can't believe I fell for it and went looking. 80-dollar hats, I tell you!! for cycling! made of italian suits!

rezado said...

You know what is really ironic is that the snob is a hipster and possible cross dresser.

Anonymous said...

rezado-

"Humor is opposed to irony. Humor is an operation you exercise upon yourself, laughter is laughter at yourself. So that ironic smirking self is undermined by humor, called into question by it... I understand why people are ironic, I get it, but I think it's corrosive and limited."

-Simon Critchley

Cyclin' Missy said...

"The inseam falls at the lower to mid thigh so that you always look proper even in the most compromising situations those late night pool parties bring."

I can only imagine what they mean by that. Avert your eyes!

keynell said...

I got your nose!

http://keynell.net/2009/07/15/bikesnobs-face/

Well, not really. I tried, though. Photo manipulation is best left to the trained.

vegas kid said...

Does that beach towel say "Circus Circus?"

Johnny Sprocket said...

They look just like my cut down Dickies, only they cost five times as much.

BTW that doesn't look like a stain on the chamois... more a skid mark !

Andy said...

You are such a shill!

Anonymous said...

I'll buy the shorts just because bike snob spent the time to do a write-up on them!

ken e. said...

i never met a trip to the beach i didn't like*

*except kits (in the summer)

NICE FTOS
WNDR MTRL
KTSL ANO

ken e. said...

what bracket?

MANDO DIAO

bikesgonewild said...

...kits' ???...ken e, dude...we used hang in the west end & do english bay 'cuz stanley park was cool to trip in...

...that was back when trippin' was gettin' started, so we'd definitely hit the bridge for rock n' roll at the old kits' theater...

...but van' was just a stopover before heading down to "the city" 'cuz that was where it was at...

..."may the baby jesus shut your mouth & open your eyes !!!"...wow, man, far out, acid flashbacks...

ploeg said...

Maybe we should take up a collection to get Trojan Condoms to co-sponsor HTC-Columbia-High Road, just for the entertainment value. Or maybe not.

CommieCanuck said...

In statistics, outliers are what you throw away.

The minimal test for the New york beach shorts: are they resistant to medical waste needle punctures?

Anonymous said...

Size 36 light grey SOLD OUT
Size 32 Black SOLD OUT

What does it mean?

kale said...

I disagree, Commie. Outliers can also show the presence of multiple populations, in this case two. One that is willing to pay $100 (450 Loonies) for a pair of shortshorts, and the other that would rather spend the money on beer or rent. ITTET the larger population is more likely to repurpose pants, whereas the "Outliers" are still into conspicuous consumption.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Anonymous said...

as a californian, i suddenly realized that i am guilty of both. probably alot. classic!

Anonymous said...

everyone knows the best beaches are in new jersey ...
with love from sf

Michael said...

onehundredandtwenty mothafuckin dollars for a pair of SHORTS??????????????

sudasri said...

it's really cool & blasting in the sense very comfortable .
jema
Free Satellite TV

Anonymous said...

$97 for shorts? that's crazy. the fact no one seems to care is more crazy. anyway, i'm gonna gonna go soak up some cat pee with $20 bills.

Anonymous said...

The Isle is called "Man", and "Manx" is the adjective. So he's the Man Missle From Man, not from Manx.

ant1 said...

Snob - I go on vacation and mistakes start to slide...
"Obviously when I wear cycling I don't wear underwear"

BikeSnob said...

BikeSnob.com is your official website for BikeSnob clothing

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