Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Circling the Pedicabs: Cycling and the New Frontier

(Well, not all of us--some of us are just assholes.)

As everybody knows, there are a lot of people in New York City, many of whom live and work pretty much on top of one another. Moreover, when people live and work pretty much on top of one another, they also often literally wind up on top of one another. Sometimes, this is fun for both parties--like when it involves sex. Other times, though, this is miserable for both parties--like when it involves sex with David Letterman. And the worst is when winding up on top of one another causes physical harm to both parties--like when it involves getting into a physical altercation.

Sadly, we've seen a number of videos recently in which bicycles played a role in violent encounters. First, there was the Nü-Fred-on-pedestrian u-lock beatdown. Then, there was the messenger-on-bike-thief-post-brunch-dust-up. Now, we can add a new video to the canon, which many readers have forwarded to me and which you may have already seen. While the fight doesn't involve bicycles in the strict sense, it does involve a non-motorized chain-driven conveyance, and it takes place between a pedicab operator and a yellow cab operator.

If you don't have the stomach for watching videos of either grown men fighting or grown men rolling around while embracing, I'll spare you the trouble of watching and distill the encounter to its salient moments. After an exchange of words, both operators leave their vehicles and enter the intersection, at which point the modern, eco-friendly pedicab operator (I don't know if there's a widely accepted term for pedicab operators yet, though I suggest calling them "pedirists," which should not be confused with "pederasts") strikes the "traditional" cabbie with a right hook:


Then, like an amorous Labrador Retriever, the traditional cabbie manages to get a hold of the pedirist's leg and bring him to the pavement:

Those of you who live and ride in New York City would be well advised to take note: if you ever find yourself in a confrontation with a cabbie, protect your legs.

In any case, having rendered prone the pedirist, the traditional cabbie promptly places himself on top of him:

They then remain intertwined like mating beetles for many uncomfortable moments, until some bystanders convince the traditional cabbie to relinquish the pedirist. However, this fails to completely diffuse the situation (perhaps because the bystanders did not allow them to, well, finish) and the argument continues. There's even a thrilling moment when the pedirist hurles a garbage can:

However, it lands safely in the intersection instead of on the traditional cabbie's windshield as I secretly hoped it would. Eventually, the pedirist pedals off via the sidewalk, and the traditional cabbie beseeches some cops to look at the "damage" to his cab, as if anybody could possibly be concerned about damage to a New York City taxicab. It's like that scene in "Caddyshack" when Rodney Dangerfield sinks Judge Smails's boat and then tells him, "Hey, you scratched my anchor!":

And that, presumably, was that.

While the video doesn't reveal exactly what caused the altercation in the first place, I must say that I find it extremely difficult to give the traditional cabbie the benefit of the doubt. As far as I'm concerned yellow taxi drivers have long ago squandered any good will I might once have been able to muster for them due to the many times they have tried to kill me and those close to me. I suppose there was a time when I was naive enough to trust cabbies, in much the same way that there was probably a time when early humans thought they could pet tigers. However, like early humans, I eventually learned that when you get too close to those big yellow (or orangey-yellow) and black things they tend to want to maul you. Of course, the difference is that if a tiger tries to maul you it's your fault since you really didn't have any business bothering him in the first place. As Chris Rock said, "That tiger didn't go crazy; that tiger went tiger." Cabs on the other hand are pretty much unavoidable since they're all over the city instead of in the jungle where they belong.

That said, it's worth noting that this confrontation comes at an interesting time, since New York City has recently begun regulating pedicabs. It's also worth noting that pedirists are not exactly always the most attentive and considerate road users, and I've often seen them engaged in salmoning, cellphone usage, and even sidewalk riding. The same is true of their brethren, the cargo bike operators. Here's one I spotted this morning committing the relatively mild infraction of making a right turn on a red light:


As you can see, he looks highly nonplussed:


Given the recent proliferation of non-motorized livery and delivery vehicles in New York City, it's inevitable that conflicts (and intersection humpings) like the one above should arise. And if this admixture (an "admixture" is the scientific equivalent of a "colorway") of vehicles weren't volatile enough, the element of religion should be sufficient to cause it to explode with the force of a thousand R-Syses (or R-Si). A reader recently forwarded me an article from Vos Iz Neias (which appears to be the Yiddish equivalent of VeloNews) which indicates that the sukkah bike (or, more accurately, trike) is now also joining the traffic fray:

If you're unfamiliar with the "sukkah," it's basically a Jewish party hut, and by cultural coincidence their appearance each year corresponds with the beginning of cyclocross season. If you're wondering where 16-year old Levi Duchman got the idea to fabricate a sukkah bike, it came to him in a dream, and some pediab drivers helped him make it a reality:

While I personally think he should have had the people at Segal build him a magnesium sukkah bike, this is nevertheless a tale as inspirational and miraculous as any in the Pentateuch. And if you're wondering what goes down in Duchman's sukkah, there's a lot of snacking--and, apparently, selling stuff:

While the advent of rolling religious installations could lead to future altercations, I prefer to be optimistic, and as a New York City cyclist it is my fervent hope that the sukkah bike will help pave the way for peace in our time along The Great Hipster Silk Route. Indeed, this could very well be borne out, for from the same publication and the same reader comes this moving tale of an Orthodox Jew who has dedicated himself to making cycling acceptable among the Hasidim:

Frankly, I hope he succeeds. I also hope to one day see a free exchange of ideas and goods between the Hipsters and the Hasidim. For example, the Hasidim could doubtless find many practical uses for the bicycle, and the Hipsters would benefit tremendously from adopting the sukkah. Of course, Hipsters would use their sukkahs all year round, since not only do Hipsters "party" all year round, but they're also constantly in need of places to let their visiting Hipster friends stay. A typical conversation among Williamsburg hipsters might one day be:

"Hey, do you live around here?"

"No, I live in San Francisco. I'm just sukkah-surfing right now."

In the meantime, though, my fantasies remain kugel in the sky, and anti-Hipserism in particular runs high. Take this message I recently noticed on the Williamsburg Bridge:

Given the message's stylized appearance I doubt this was the work of the Hasidim. Actually, I'm relatively certain it's the work of self-hating Hipsters, since an essential element of Hipsterism is thinking everyone else is a Hipster but you. (This is similar to the "Whoever smelt it dealt it" phenomenon.) For this reason, many people find it difficult to properly identify them. However, generally speaking, a good rule of thumb is that a Hipster is just a nerd who does drugs. Or else, this guy:

But while some may find the prospect of a Hipster-free Williamsburg tempting, the truth is that the consequences of meddling with the subcultural ecosysem are unpredictable. For example, who would the new residents be, and what kind of bicycles would they ride? Actually, I recently encountered this bicycle in Manhattan, which indicates a whole new breed of cyclist may be a-blowin' in from the wild west:


It would seem he is here to engage in New York City's famously brisk faux animal pelt trade:

Unlike the Hipster, whose bars are often bare, this rider prefers to sheath his in rawhide:


While at first I thought this steed was unsecured, I noticed on closer inspection that the chainstay was neatly handcuffed to the stirrup:


Clearly he's come a long way, because he's "palping" the handlebar-mounted combination AM/FM radio and headlight:


Unfortunately, I didn't get a glimpse of the actual rider, who was no doubt in search of a feedbag full of oats to strap onto his bicycle's headtube. However, if I had seen him, it wouldn't surprise me if he were wearing a bandana. And speaking of schmatas, Rapha has once again sent me a silk scarf, and this one has a new and improved bicycle component patternway:


I'm happy to report I've already put it to good use in a public restroom:

In the days 0f swine flu and cycling desperadoes, you can't be too careful.

163 comments:

BadBeard said...

Wednesday Weed1st!

BadBeard said...

2 in a row...

Big Chewy said...

suck it!

Anonymous said...

boulder rules

Anonymous said...

yeahh so late!

Anonymous said...

mplsbikelove.com

landis in 06 said...

fuzzy handlebars

Greg Mu said...

chew it!

Anonymous said...

yeah top ten !

Anonymous said...

here I am with my hands

Asterisk said...

STRT FGHT

ant1 said...

ant1st!

ringcycles said...

saddle up, buckaroos!

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CZSR

-P.P.

mikeweb said...

Damn taxi cut me off 400 meters out...

rezado said...

I think I just crapped my fancy pants.

hillbilly said...

BadBeard!!

Ah, awesome, that post had it all, including my favorite Chris Rock quote (other than "you wear makeup, your face don't look like that")

of course Bloomie sided with the cab, who everybody seems to forget, actually rammed the pedicab. is that the damage he is trying to show? "Look, this is where I hit him!"

Fritz said...

Mr Shin says...



10 - 7 cabbie on a 10 point must scoring-system.

aggression, clean take down, mat control and ground and and pound tactics.

mikeweb said...

"a nerd who does drugs"

Brilliant once again, Mr. Snob!

hillbilly said...

love the quote of city councilman...."Pedicabs have been for too long acting like they rule the streets ahead of any other mode of transportation because they're wearing a cloak of environmental friendliness that no other commuter vehicle could do"

WTF?!

Anonymous said...

good thing that scarf has been treated with Adamley’s bespoke ‘perspiration solution'.

rezado said...

Does anybody else smell that...

CommieCanuck said...

This scene from Caddyshack is the best celluloid ever shot, ever.

Gunga udunga.

"On your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness...so I got that going for me."

Strayhorn said...

Dude, be sure to report that Rapha scarf to the FTC. Under their new regs, you may be a criminal.

Or more of a criminal.

Ed Stockwell said...

Pink sack for breast cancer awareness.

mikeweb said...

Not only does that cargo pedirist look non-plussed, he looks like a zombie.

mander said...

"A hipster is a nerd who does drugs"

I'm in awe.

Astroluc said...

27...my fave number

kfg said...

Strayhorn:

He doesn't need to report it to the FTC, he needs to report it to us. Which he did, even though he isn't actually required to yet, so consider it a courtesy.

"Or more of a criminal."

OK, there you've got a point.

Anonymous said...

In pre-hipster Williamsburg there were packs of stray dogs by the waterfront. The bridge itself was falling down! Those were the days.

Isolation Helmet said...

In my experience it is the Livery Cab drivers that are worst. They seem to swerve across the street for no reason. I alway have the feeling that they believe to be higher on the pecking order than the lowly yellow cab operator.

e said...

Oh no, only top 30! I have to remember to skip the article before posting next time.

PS I spit on those above 35!

youaretheengine said...

I once saw a cyclist, who had been clipped from behind by a cab and incurred a cracked wheel, pick up his damaged bicycle and throw it at a cab's windshield, which subsequently cracked. The cabbie got out, had a chuckle, and then the two chatted about what had happened in a friendly manner.

WAS I IN BIZZARRO WORLD?

MINGUStheMECHANIC said...

I woke up wednesday morning with this idea, before heading to nostrand ave, I asked all the dreads where I could find some.
I told them I wanted to make a wednesday weed sucka. I park it, you pay me, you go inside to be blessed, I'll also have an assortment of candy,cracked pepper and sea salt chips ,breath mints and visine. Who wants to help with the biz plan?

Bad Lawyer said...

Hey, Snobbie, I totally dig the bike component patternway on your wet wipe--Hermes doesn't even scratch the anchor in the luxury wipe category.

Zack said...

Benefit of doubt:
If you watch carefully, the cab ramming the pedicab is is immediately preceded by the pedirist attempting to throw his coffee in to the cab's window.

Road rage morons both, certainly, but the instigation/escalation award goes to the pedirist!

bikesgonewild said...

...ewww, buckerooo !!!...while yer flushing method shows the great distain that rapha neckerchief prob'ly deserves, why would you wanna carry that viral encrusted thing around w/ you afterward ???...

...them little ceramic shitholes come equipped w/ a "boot-flusher"...

Waldorf-Astoria concierge said...

Our 'ceramic shitholes' a.k.a. 'toilettes d' caca' come equipped with you choice of disposable handle-cheifs: Rapha or Hermes.

Brian said...

I thought you said hukkah bike. Only to be ridden on Wednesday.

And thanks for the nerd on drugs thing.

Anonymous said...

oh there was a fight -here- and spraypainted words -here- and a funny bike -here-

Asterisk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Critical Ass said...

Had the cab incident happened in Denver, there would have been no "gentlemen, gentlemen, break it up". The incident would have definitely been filmed on a cell phone camera and posted to Youtube, but nobody would have gotten involved. The pedicab guy would have continued to have his ass handed to him by the fatso until the police arrived 10 minutes later.

Disgruntl Ed. said...

"as if anybody could possibly concerned"

I concerned about this.

mikeweb said...

So these bib shorts are good for short weekend bike rides and long haul truck driving?

Anonymous said...

Pardon me but is not BikeSnobNYC missing, glaringly so, from this NYT article: http://bit.ly/16UJ7 ?

If you're gonna put 'colourway' and 'curate' on the proverbial cycling, hipster, and other maps, you might as well get your name (pseudonym) in the NYT.

Asterisk said...

Speaking of sukkah bikes, on Sunday I saw a mom and her eight year old daughter salmoning to synagogue. The mom had in her rear basket the palm branch, willow, myrtle, and citron. She kept looking back to see if the palm branch was staying in. Neither mom nor daughter was wearing a helmet.

I guess if you are curating with the four species, you have divine protection and you can salmon without a helmet without a care.

Perhaps Oy Velo can confirm?

Anonymous said...

We are pretty sure these guys are pedicab drivers...

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/calgary/story/2009/10/05/calgary-zoo-tiger300.html

bikesgonewild said...

...DUCH MANS...

...SUKK APED...

A Rapha Invoice said...

In the days of cycling swine and flu desperadoes, you can't be too careful...also works for me: but it is Wednesday.

Fierce Panties said...

To avoid defining myself by denying what I am, I admit openly that I am a Hipster so as not to fall into the trap of the Self Denying Hipster, SDH. I've been doing it for so long that I now use the nomenclature Aging Hipster, cousin to Old Punk or Old Punker.

What he said...

That pelt-laden thing's a crazy-person bike.

Avoid them at all costs.
Insanity is contagious.

I think the bridge graffito(?) was a declarative (They move out.) or encouragement using the imperative, both using the idiom "move out" meaning "go fast."

Saw the hack-fight ON THE NEWS last night (Slow news day, what?), thanks for the link!
I appreciate the Pederist's pedantics often amuse me.

Jinrick Shahs? Pedicabbies?

Off to do my kugel exercises....

Anonymous said...

That headlight/radio gizmo is awesome.

bikesgonewild said...

..."on it is a large star of david constructed of 50 or so rubber chickens"...

...oy vey...such chutzpah, this ferschtinkiner, to schlock together this shanda mit da rubber chickens no less...what, he's got no rachmones for the faith ???...
...such a loch in kop he's got !!!...

...please, a little saykhel, i'm just sayin'...

CommieCanuck said...

Call it what it is.

RICK SHAW

Cameron said...

That's the sweetest "Dreamcatcher" bike I've ever seen! And I've seen a bunch!

Asterisk said...

BGW,

Vu sprechen das mammaluschen gut.

*

Suzee said...

"Circling the Pedicabs: Cycling and the New Frontier" ...

If, as I believe contemporary perceived historical importance confers, 'New Frontiers' provide the necessary pressure valves for an expanding society, and if said case be proven, then fucked we are.
Westward (non marine)expansion is an option too far for today's frontier's-person. And, sadly, with the official closing of the fixie culture, our social experimenters can only now turn in on themselves and their local environs...or, like those migratory canuks back in the week, seek their buddaways in suburbia. Your post, good snob, heralds the vanguard of a return to such frontier activities.
Time, methinks, to brush up on smoke signal etiquette.

PUFF DADA

mikeweb said...

I think that bike belongs to the Doctor.

hackneyed sojourn said...

The pederist was clearly in the wrong based on what was in the video. Your earlier comment, that a-holes and not mode of transport was our problem, was much more on the mark.

bikesgonewild said...

...sweet touch on the "dreamcatcher" bike are the two 'cateye' lights mounted in the water bottle cage obviously used to highlight the bikes "***bling***" at night...

...the lone wolf's tt rig & the "worlds most blah, blah, blah madone" ain't got nothin' on this guy's ride...

...ride 'em, bronco billy, ride 'em...

bikesgonewild said...

...danke, asterisk...oy, now i'm ver clempt...

Disgruntl Ed. said...

How can it be "50 or so" rubber chickens? The Star of David consists of two triangles, so unless one or more chickens is bent the number of chickens must be a multiple of six. Is it too hard to count one row of chickens and multiply by six? Was it 48 or 54?

Sheesh.

Anonymous said...

The pedicabs should get back where they belong: blocking the running rec lane in Central Park.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Hillbilly, my favorite Chris Rock quote?

"Every town had two malls: the one white people go to, and the one white people used to go to."

True, that.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Orthodox cyclists? A little-known fact: Shmeuly Finkelstein could have been a TDF champion, but ASO refused his quite-reasonable request to allow him to sit out the stages contested on the Shabbos.

Shmeuly Finkelstein said...

I told those fucks down at the UCI a thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!

josh said...

I'm pleased to say that I've seen a few hasidim on bikes, crossing the Williamsburg bridge lately.

Anonymous said...

TAXI!

"Circling the Pedicabs..." said...

dizzy now
all this pedaling
gotta keep going
if this fixed was a free
and if six were nine

HENN DRIX

jolene said...

if hepcats are nerds who do drugs then what are you sposed to coll us who aint so smart

Bad Lawyer said...

From the website: Killing the Buddha:

the idea of "killing the Buddha comes from a famous Zen line, the context of which is easy to imagine: After years on his cushion, a monk has what he believes is a breakthrough: a glimpse of nirvana, the Buddhamind, the big pay-off. Reporting the experience to his master, however, he is informed that what has happened is par for the course, nothing special, maybe even damaging to his pursuit. And then the master gives the student dismaying advice: If you meet the Buddha, he says, kill him.

Why kill the Buddha? Because the Buddha you meet is not the true Buddha, but an expression of your longing. If this Buddha is not killed he will only stand in your way."

In other words, we're all criminals under our own hats/helmets.

Reed Enwright said...

Speaking of crazy bikes, in the early 80s there was a 'hippy' (for lack of a better term) who used to ostensibly cycle back and forth perpetually between Jasper and Lake Louise (he may have gone further, but I never ever saw him south of Lake Louise) on a banana seated mustangesque machine. I first started seeing him when driving through the 'parkway' during the summers with my parents.

A few years later, I saw his 'ride' up close at Freewheel Cycle (I may be incorrectly recollecting the name of the bike shop) in Jasper.

There was some serious currating going on beneath that banana seat. He was riding three rings up front and a bountiful cluster in the rear and had real brakes and everything.

I always wondered wtf that guy's story was.

Reed Enwright said...

Oh yeah ...

CRZY BIKE

leroy said...

Well talk about your strange coincidences.

I got stuck drafting the Revolution Cargocarriers trike earlier this week.

And I admired the aero wheels.

And I had an inspiration for a religion/cargo bike collabo.

I fell asleep watching a Wayans brother's movie.

When I awoke, I knew I had to build an "I'm gonna git you Sukkah" cargo bike.

Then all the haters can Sukkah my ball bearings.

belmont sledgehammer said...

I agree that headlight/radio callabo is wonderful and want one desperately. It's far too time consuming and cumbersome strapping on separate ipods & HID lamps.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

All you haters suck my matzah balls

Chris said...

Hah! Drillium brake levers! Or are those bullet holes?

Anonymous said...

MAFAC Competition.

PANTS said...

Some Catholic priests have been getting around on cargo bikes lately too. They call them Paedo cabs.

Schlomo Campyberg said...

Oy, the Jews in Central Park this Sukkot, they are thick with themselves all over. On the bikes and talking and weaving all over with the not so much of attention paid. Like squirrels. I want to shake my fist at them I do with a saying of "Out of my flowerbox" but I am too gesprechtened and grimutsched with the pedicabs at the heimlichten dog sculpture and the taxis with the honking honking at the everyone that are all about. Not so kosher is what I am saying to you.

red neckerson said...

them sukkahs look like damm chicken coops on wheels

i might needs one of them the next time jim bob gets his truck impounded

Johnny Sprocket said...

I don't know about the rest of you... but watching those guys go at it, gave me a boner ;)

Anonymous said...

Don't be ignorant, of course Buddha was an asshole. He certainly was no Jesus Christ.

Anonymous said...

That cab driver was having a "you're in my way" moment, then took it out on the smallest thing he could find. Some men choke dogs (http://tiny.cc/5pWKR).
Long story short, that whatever-can needs to go back to wherever-stan.

Anonymous said...

in durango we have no culture, but better yet, no taxis either.

Sharkey said...

Help tame the Taxicabs.

Third Friday Commute Together Ride Oct 16 7pm Union Sq North!
Fourth Friday Night Special Ride Oct 23 7pm Union Sq North!
Last Friday Police Appreciation Ride Oct 30 7pm Union Sq North (permit pending)!

Take back the city. Get it?

Spread the word!

Stan said...

Baruch Herzfeld just got 500 used bicycles from Japan???? That's interesting. Those are probably worthless Mama-Char-ies that were left out in the rain till they rusted solid. Or they were headed to North Korea but, due to UN sanctions, couldn't be delivered, so the Japanese sold them to Herzfeld. I think he will find them useless. The seats don't go anywhere near high enough, the brakes are clinchers on front and band brakes on back, both frozen solid from rust, probably. Why such primitive bicycles in Japan? Because they all come from China and cost around $100 new.

Jim Henson said...

Mahnahmahnah.

Anonymous said...

I have a +2 dagger under my cloak of environmental friendliness.

Anonymous said...

biking is rad

Canadia Stan said...

This post has been removed by the authorities.

shmaltz herring said...

You want street cred in Crown Heights? Rock a sukkah bike, sucka.

mikeweb said...

Crown heights?!

I've seen that sukkah bike all over midtown the last 2 days, sucka!

mikeweb said...

seriously, corner of 5th ave & 42nd st. on my way home yesterday and today outside my work on 47th st. at 12:30.

fredjdukes said...

Put a confessional on one of the freight bikes and I can be a Catholic in good standing again...

PoleRiders said...

Ha, we get a lot of nice waves too!

MrRevolution said...

That was a cargo trike, bikesnob, not a cargo bike rumbling through the village replacing gas-guzzling van activities. Onward! - Gregg @ Revolution Rickshaws

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Anton said...

Motorized bikes to cheat. Wow! I run a forum on motorized bikes. I will post a link to this! Might be able to find a way to fool the authorities in countries with tough motorized bike laws.

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