Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Distractions: Head-On Collisions

("Radio Clash Shack" by BKJimmy)

Firstly, I'm pleased to report that the BSNYC/RTMS Fat Cyclist Knuckle Tattoo Tribute Contest is off to a rotund and jiggly start. Already the entries are pouring into my mailbox like PBR down a thirsty hipster's gullet. Submissions so far include this naked bike ride knuckle tattoo/body painting freakout:


This creative belt-buckular insertion of the letters "Y" and "C:"


This phonetic spelling of "clydesdale" which at first I thought was an homage to some Scandinavian pro cyclist:


And of course this eerily compelling lobster claw tattoo (claw tattoos are the knuckle tattoos of the crustacean world):

While these are just a few of the excellent images I received, I find it noteworthy that none included "weird style diktats," though I'm sure at least one or two riders in the first submission are sporting them. In any case, thanks to all who submitted so far, and I'll do my best to make a decision, announce the podiumway, and distribute the prizeways sometime next week.

Speaking of distribution, in an age of media saturation it can be extremely difficult to get your message across to the general public. Furthermore, purchasing advertising space can be costly. This is why many people in New York City and elsewhere advertise their enterprises on the rear windows of their SUVs. One example is of course the great Clem Lue Yat (you can see his SUV here) , otherwise known as the "Eddy Merckx of Hairweaving." Another example is "Pure Romance by Sochy," which I noticed recently while on my commute:

Naturally, whenever I see an advertisement on a tinted window, I make a mental note of it and follow up as soon as I find myself in front of a computer. (Or under a computer if I've been drinking.) As such, I headed to Sochy's site as soon as I possibly could, and I must say that I'm extremely glad that I did:

While I was getting the feeling that this website was part of some pyramid scheme akin to Matt DeCanio's "Stolen Underground," I also must admit that I was a bit curious about the "Girs Night IN," which apparently involves "sensual lotions, exciting adult toys, and much more!" So I pressed on:

So it would seem then that once you start your own "Pure Romance business," you basically gather all your girlfriends together, probably get them drunk, and then proceed to sell them sex toys. So it's like an x-rated Amway, or like a Tupperware party with more likelihood of masturbation. I was curious to know more about who was behind this company and what exactly they sold. It didn't take me long to find out. The CEO of Pure Romance is Patty Brisben, and among other things she sells products that are designed to tighten the vaginal walls:

At this point, I found myself troubled by two things. Firstly, Pure Romance is clearly supposed to be something for women and by women. So why was there a shifty-looking man behind the wheel of the Pure Romance by Sochy Mitsubishi? Does he think this may be his key to becoming the next Hugh Hefner? Secondly, one of the reasons people keep crashing into things with their cars is that they're too distracted by their phones. This is why New York State has banned texting, playing games, and browsing the "innenert" while driving. Now, within minutes of punching in the URL for Pure Romance by Sochy, I was deeply immersed in a strange and sensual world of "Like a Virgin" vaginal wall tighteners and c-rings with clitoral vibrators. Had I been driving and looking at all of this on my cellphone, I would almost certainly have run down scores of pedestrians by this point. This raises the question: are these tinted window ads almost as dangerous as the phones themselves? Can any driver be expected to resist the siren call of pink letters against a black background? And of course, most pressing of all: does size matter?

The truth is that as cyclists we're often sharing the road with drivers who are highly distracted, and it's important to keep in mind that every driver you see may be practically drowning in anal confusion. Even worse, the driver may actually be asleep. Here's someone I saw recently who was not only sound asleep behind the wheel but was also vigorously sucking his thumb:

At least he was pulled over. Had he fallen asleep while in motion, by the time I heard the slurping sounds it probably would have been too late.

In any event, after browsing the Pure Romance website I badly needed to clear my head. However, wasn't quite ready to leave the world of femininity and soft hues. As such, I picked up a copy of my favorite non-cycling publication, Martha Stewart's "Living," and the very first thing I turned to was a two-page Lexus ad. Here's the left page:


And here's the right:

As I've said before, I have nothing against cars. We need them. I like them. Still, I occasionally find car advertisements offensive, and this was one of them. When you look at an advertisement, you can be sure that every single detail in it has been carefully chosen for a reason. Unlike a typical snapshot, in which things can wander into the frame, when it comes to ads there are no accidents. And it's no accident that there are two bicycles in this ad; in the foreground is an old KHS mountain bike leaning against the wall of the garage, and in the background is a child's bike resting against the house. To me, the message is clear: bikes are kids' stuff. They're meant to be left in the suburbs with the children while the grown-ups get in their cars and drive into the city. At most, they're something to play with on the weekends. Yes, the roads and urban centers of the real world are no place for a bicycle; instead, ITTET you need a $40,000 SUV to navigate them safely. Sure, a bloated and swollen "crossover vehicle" with a V6 is a lot more car than you need to simply drive yourself to work, but don't worry--it's a hybrid, so you're helping.

While the ad had made me angry, it had also at least distracted me from all that eroticism, although that distraction was short-lived. Soon I found myself reading about Martha's hikes near her summer house in Maine:


All this seemed innocent enough, but then I read this:

What kind of magazine was this?!? I thought Martha taught you how to do stuff like make attractive decorative slip covers, yet here she was talking about ninety-minute oral sex "epics." Then I turned the page and looked at the "map." Maybe I was reading too deeply into things due to the time I had spent on the Pure Romance site, but I couldn't help thinking that the Great Head trail map looked a lot like a "diktat:"


It wasn't just me, either. Celebrity Tweeter Dennis Hopper also confirmed my suspicions:


Hey, don't get me wrong: Martha can explore Great Head all day long as far as I'm concerned--just as long as she doesn't do it while she's driving.

156 comments:

Anonymous said...

1st

AskReamer said...

Armstrong!

Anonymous said...

Podium!

AskReamer said...

Oh Damn, Schleck!

rezado said...

Here

The Rented Mule said...

Sweet

OAKsteader said...

Top ten!

mr.complaint said...

not

Anonymous said...

che cazzo

Anonymous said...

Oh, an unknown in the top 10!

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Anonymous said...

cadel?

belmont sledgehammer said...

lucky # 13?

Asterisk said...

JENS FACE

G P said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ken e. said...

that was my lucky number! (swearing)

Wes said...

Anyone seen ant1?

slppy said...

xtra cycle bilboards, the latest in direct advertising, double the profit with a tall bike xtra, and maybe a trailer with some streamers

Tyler Durden said...

Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishin' brass on the Titanic. It's all goin' down, man.

Mad Jack McMad said...

Sucked back into the peloton.

Anonymous said...

It's getting really difficult to disguise my choking laughter as coughs here in the office, so just tone it down.

Comment repeated said...

This post has been made redundant by the author.

Anonymous said...

Jerry: What else did you two do?

Elaine: Ah, you know, girl stuff.

Jerry: Flower shows, shopping for pretty bows, and then back to her place strip down to bra and panties for a tickle fight?

Elaine: That's really what you think girls do, isn't it?

Jerry: Yes, I do.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Astroluc said...

was this post about cycling?

peloton fodder

Anonymous said...

Did you notice that the Lexus goes directly from the driveway to the sidewalk? There's no street in that picture....

rtf

Juan Altitude said...

Diktats in Marth Stewart!

rezado said...

Like a virgin...touched for the very first time.

belmont sledgehammer said...

For those quiz minded folk among you who can't hold out until Friday. From the Boulder Report -- some kinda funny stuff mixed in actually...

http://bicycling.com/blogs/boulderreport/

CommieCanuck said...

An hour and a half? Is that all she learned in prison? I guess when you've got all that time of your hands, and hour and a half seems quick.

Great Head. It's a good thing.

That article about banning texting in NYC was obviously typed in while driving. I mean what's next? Guvment gonna tell me I can't read Danielle Steele or the hotly anticipated BSNYC novels while driving? It's all comrade O'bama's fault.

ant1 said...

sorry I'm late. the team car never showed up to the hotel to pick me up this morning.

Anonymous said...

I think perhaps the blog author needs more frequent sex.

anal confuscius said...

Hi, I was wondering is it normal for a guy to insert a toy into the anus while cycling?

buy curious said...

Dear Patty,

How do doughy women with office-temp-erection-killer haircuts possibly have sex with anything than doesn't use batteries? (and I'm not talking Lance Armstrong and Team RadioShack, although I fantasize)

Sincerely,

Woman at the DMV

mikeweb said...

Martha wears the white jersey.

Huzzahhh!

Ceasetodream said...

This, is, RADIO SHACK!

Anonymous said...

she hikes at a rate < 1 mph?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:10pm,

All the sex in the world is not enough to keep me from giggling at dirty things. Coitus does not cure immaturity.

--RTMS

CommieCanuck said...

That website is awesome...

Dear Wanting a Clean Shave,
You've asked the questions many women (and men) are trying to figure out: What, if anything, should be done with pubic hair?


I know this one: save it all after trimming, then mail it to Craig Calfee in installments for a truly custom fiber bike frame.

rezado said...

Some great head for an hour and a half from Martha will mature you by ten years or so.

Nick said...

34th. Chris Sorensen!

Anonymous said...

LOL
Scroll down and watch the video.

Wes said...

anal confuscius

We have seen the bike for you on this very blog. An inability to insert it (!) and extreme laziness prevent me from linking to it.

CommieCanuck said...

Oh god, the apocalypse is neigh.

Say it ain't so, Campagnoro.

mikeweb said...

Snob,

I agree about the car ad. That's the obvious message with the bike sitting in the garage.

Do they honestly think their target market is people who might consider cycling to work? In a way, maybe that's a good sign... Or maybe it's simply meant to mock us folks who ride a bike to work.

What would Don Draper think...

CommieCanuck said...

anon 1:23pm: that was impressive, backed up with research from a major California University.

Wes said...

Commie

It ain't so.

Campagnolo has not been sold and is not for sale. That’s what the renowned Italian component maker is now officially saying to all its relations throughout the world

Anonymous said...

yesterday's news, literally:

http://www.bike-eu.com/news/3505/update-on-campagnolo-rumours.html

Anonymous said...

Today: Muy laughter, better than yesterday's tears...

CommieCanuck said...

Nah Mike, no one in a SUV considers biking to work. First, they need to wedge their fat asses into the truck, then drive to the Hardees for a nutricious breakfast of cheese flavored bacon, then sit on a parkway for two hours listening to Stern or Limbaugh while texting. Cyclists are just the guys to look at and feel sorry for not having your "luxury".

CommieCanuck said...

Wes, what sick basterds would start rumors like that?? Was it the Taliban?, Al Queda? ..without the anticipation of 12 speeds and being draped in titanium, some of us have nothing to live for.

Strayhorn said...

What would Don Draper think...

Don Draper would think you're a pussy if you ride a bike to work. He'd know that anyone who cycles to work wouldn't have a chance with Joan. Or even one of the typists. Unless you were Bertram Cooper. Then it would be a charming eccentricity.

mikeweb said...

CC,

When you get your new 12 speed Campy gruppo, feel free to send me your old crappy 11 speed components.

About the car ad, thanks for setting me straight (str8?). Maybe they put the bike in the photo to sumbliminally deter people in No. Carolina from shooting at people on bikes.

kale said...

Well, I guess I'll get to work now on that contest thingy, since it's not as somber as I thought it would be. I know that snobbery is nearly antithetical to such a tragedy, but when something like this can melt the heart of RTMS... you know how it goes. Also when my "pay check" comes in I'll follow along with libertyonbikes' lead.

Back to the sex, SUVs, and home decor, before I start sucking my thumb.

(But really, who's going to commute to work on an old KHS hard tail with the zebraway barends? )

SADT IMES

Tullio said...

The exact quote from that link provided is: "Campagnolo is not on sale." This could mean that whomever buys Campagnolo will have to pay full retail MSRP for it. He goes on to say: "Have a nice summer period and see you in September." How does he know that the woman he is speaking with is on Seasonique®? Something smells fishy here and it has nothing to do with my Summer period...

grog said...

Look under the gnog for the g-spot

mikeweb said...

Strayhorn, old sport!

Spot on! Let's have a Scotch on the rocks to celebrate.

Pete Campbell

leroy said...

If bikes aren't kid stuff, then why do they keep me immature?

The real side benefit isn't a lower resting heart rate.

It's remembering that the things that made you giggle when you were 14, still make you giggle.

Or should I have said titter?

I intend to palp the Peter Pan thing as long as I can.

Wes said...

Commie

Gears are old hat. There's a new scene on the scene - fixed gear.

I don't wanna say too much about it as it's early days but I gotta tell you, you feel at one with the bike. It's totally zen.

Eddy Burkes said...

Lesson learned from reading BSNYC:
Don't ever buy a used saddle

jacek said...

please do offer your insightful, as always, analysis of Sir Lance & Radio Shack "synergy"? please? Just to make it clear: Lance is cool and even great; R.Shack ain't...

g said...

I honestly didn't know that LA and JB were in the Clash! Anon 1:23, that video was classic. I think I would prefer the 6 minute shakeway handjob daily to the Martha Stewart 90 min good head once a month.
just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

yo leroy:

http://xkcd.com/219/

Anonymous said...

yo jacek:

re: radio shack being cool - hard to disagree with you there - but being sponsored by the united states postal service didn't exactly scream exciting at the time, either. people seem to have forgotten that.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I will sleep better tonight knowing that high-end Italian componentry is safe from foriegn hands, at least for now. I have it straight from the mouth of official spokesman Lorenzo "Specialized Langster NYC" Taxis, so you can take that to the bank.

Luck E. Seven said...

LOVE CHUB

Should Kegeling also be banned behind the wheel?



.-

bk jimmy said...

g,

You probably also didn't know that Mr. Late-to-the-party Cadel Evans was in "Big Audio Dynamite."

bikesgonewild said...

...absolutely, leroy...

...& martha, i hope you brought the handcuffs...

bk jimmy said...

Speaking of Lance and promoting awareness of various things, last night on McDonald Ave (behind The Green-Wood Cemetery) the driver of a Jeep Grand Cherokee was dangling his hand out the window; between his fingers was a smoldering cigarette, and around his wrist, not one, but two Livestrong bracelets!

I guess high risk individuals need the extra protection.

Ronsonic said...

Anonymous 2:08

being sponsored by the united states postal service didn't exactly scream exciting at the time, either.

Things that exactly scream exciting on their own don't have to pay sponsorship money. At least not openly.

db said...

Aw, I'm never gonna get that song out of my head.

"This is Radio Shack, on pirate satellite..."

grog said...

Ugly car. Ugly ad.
I will never buy Lexus,
nor Living magazine.

Anonymous said...

In high school, I got an F in

WOOD SHO

soposophie said...

they're called fu(kerware parties...

Anonymous said...

The early Lexus "SUVs" were built on a Camry chassis. Now, I don't know, or care.

Anonymous said...

was there something about biking in that post? I'm a little distracted.

Shram said...

FUCK LXUS


leroy, right on about bikes being the fountain of youth. Shh, don't tell the SUV'ers...FATF UCKS

CommieCanuck said...

USPS was exciting, so was Fassa Bortolo..cement rocks. I'm naming my next cat Fassa Bortolo.

So Astana was exciting? It's like being sponsored by "Springfield".

Cervelo Test Team would be exciting if they posted their SAT scores online.

crimerider said...

"$40,000" All that makes me think about is how many bicycles i could own and of what type. Luckily i don't have and never will have that amount of money to find out.

crimerider said...

all i can think of for knuck tats is maybe "f-u-c-k s-u-v-s". i'll never make the podiumway at this rate.

jessica said...

If I had extra money I would give it to you for managing to write "raises the question" instead of the disgustingly incorrect "begs the question."

It seems that no blogger, journalist, or author can get that right these days.

Anonymous said...

I dunno CC, I think there is something pretty cool about being sponsored by the most occult city on planet Earth - next to Washington DC...

bikesgonewild said...

...modern day cycling prayer: - "may the bicycles you get to ride always be of a higher standard than the car you have to drive"...

...or else yer kinda in douche-dom...

frilly said...

'Spicy Dice, which state the action, body part, and naughty place'

Intriguing little concept.

carlos said...

"Just to make it clear: Lance is cool and even great; R.Shack ain't..."

I'm gonna disagree with you there. Neither are cool nor great.

anon 2:08 said...

ronsonic, we're saying the same thing.

Anonymous said...

did not want to see naked, painted boobies today . . .

bikesgonewild said...

...& i can just picture it now...

...if yer already tired of the colorway-ed sidebar advertising of "lance armstrong for frs so ya won't be tired of being tired !!!", just wait 'til it's "sochy abreu for flavored vaginal lube so you'll always be 'minty fresh' for those important intimate moments !!!"...

...there's always a trade off, one way or the other, somewhere down the line...

Anon. 1:10 p.m. said...

RTNS, sure, coitus may not cure your immaturity, but coitus will keep you sufficiently occupied so that you won't be bothered by it.

yogisurf said...

Those Mad Av geniuses missed a small detail. Cyclists will be keen to notice the water bottle left on the bike. Who hasn’t learned that lesson for a bike that is not used daily?

leroy said...

Anon 2:06:

Exactly!

Anonymous said...

Jessica,

Your comment begs the question, why do you think "begs the question" is "disgustingly incorrect?"

Anonymous said...

anonymous 3:20 said - and i'm paraphrasing here - death to prescriptivist swine!

Anonymous said...

I don't think the S.U.V. ad is meant to dismiss cycling. The marketing for S.U.V.'s was and still is for people who think of themselves as "outdoorsey." They hit the bike path on weekends, and the trail while at the summer home in Maine.
To buy n S.U.V. rather than a station wagon sends the message that you're not going to have your adventuress spirit compromised by suburbia.
This target market is self-deluded of course.

Anonymous said...

anon 3:20

http://begthequestion.info/

Anonymous said...

To continue the deconstruction: Note that the Lexus is in a "reserved" parking spot. Icky.

Anonymous said...

Jessica,

Fixed-gear bikes in the Circus colourway are also disgustingly incorrect, but somehow amusing enough that I can't turn away.

Luck E. Seven said...

On Radio Shack:

There's nothing particularly exciting about ANY cycling sponsor; it's just another form of advertising. Certainly the nature of the sponsor's business has little effect on the actual riding beyond budget, i.e., concrete, mail, natural gas, phones, banks, etc.

However, while RS seems like an unlikely ProTour sponsor, they are a truly international corporation. They also have HQ in Ft. Worth, are active corporate citizens through the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, and sponsor the Samsung/RadioShack 500 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race at Texas Motor Speedway. Their brand presence has been established through sporting events, at least in the US, and their philanthropy is probably well-served by aligning with LA.

With Lance being a celebrated Texas athlete with considerable worldwide appeal, it may also be that RS is continuing to invest locally for their biggest worldwide return. ITTET, who can blame them?

Yes, Hooters or Victoria's Secret would probably be a much more exciting sponsor. So the fuck what?!



.-

Anonymous said...

Does size matter?

Only if you make it matter.

Ask any woman if she still loves her index finger. If the answer's no, she's never met it properly.

ant1 said...

ant100th!

ant1 said...

small victories...

Anonymous said...

Jessica

Snob got busted for begging instead of raising the other day.

CommieCanuck said...

Look, no one cares who sponsors Lance, RadioShit or whomever.

It's strange that Trek has never stepped up -the world's largest bike company with $400M+ in sales. Logically, Energizer should sponsor Lance and make him wear bunny ears for the whole tour (windtunnel tested, of course).

Cervelo seems to be able to do it with 1/10th the size.

So Patty, size really doesn't matter.

Anonymous said...

Lexuses are expensive, boring cars for expensive, boring people.

In other advertising news, Victoria's Secret's Fall Catalog arrived at my doorstep yesterday, and it, too, features a page with bikes on it.

Anonymous said...

Snobbie,

Stay hungry. Your immaturity's working for me. Nothing like a little 'warm' mirth in the afternoon.

Beefy McManstick said...

If bicycles are kid stuff, then how come motorists need to be coddled by plush seats and protection from the elements just to get work? Is it any wonder that the honking of a car horn sounds a lot like the cry of a baby for it's mother's teat? It makes sense then that daily motorists tend to emulate babies--fat and doughy.

Anonymous said...

Frilly,

Yes. I don't have those 'Spicy Dice' per say, as I wonder whether they have to stand to the left or the right of Ginger Spice. I do have another version, though, and they are fun.

Anonymous said...

nothing says romance like a "dick of cards"

http://ww2.pureromance.com/PublicStore/product/Dick-Of-Cards,301,1.aspx

Strayhorn said...

So Astana was exciting? It's like being sponsored by "Springfield".

Depends on whether it's the armory or the college . . .

frilly said...

3:56--Just curious, naughty place, as in 'under the bridge' or kitchen floor or is this in reference to the orifice?

Anonymous said...

"Girs Night IN,"

Grrr! + Grrr!


over and OUT

Test Tickle said...

Speaking of Victoria's Secret, it may not be quite as exciting as first anticipated:

http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p46/dxb310/victorias_secret.jpg

...as for Jessica, haven't you ever begged before?

LIAR!

echuck said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ant1 said...

strayhorn - rick springfield

Test Tickle said...

oops:

http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p46/dxb310/victorias_secret.jpg


balls.

ant1 said...

Tickle - thanks a lot. just what I wanted to see.

Anonymous said...

Frilly,

Brevity is the secret to many secrets.

Anonymous said...

"It's strange that Trek has never stepped up..."

Aren't they one of the team's sponsors? I am sure they provide more than just bikes...at least to Lance.

Anonymous said...

What, like drugs?

Anonymous said...

Rimshot!

jolene said...

deer ugly lady why does my hoohaa itch real bad afetr i ride a long time both on a bike and whaterver love jolene ps i aint goin to no girls nite in thats for them esperimenners in san frun sisker down on fulton street by the way

jolene said...

folsmo

jolene said...

aw fuckit whers the keno at

Anonymous said...

Martha doesn't know what she is talking about. Great Head only takes an hour and only if you're really slow. Maybe she needs some of Pure Romance's products?

NVdK said...

OMG. I hadn't visited this blog in while. This is pure genious. Or insanity. But I love it!

Anonymous said...

An hour? I could do that hike, take a nap, and be ready to do it again in that amount of time.

manicallday said...

I used to live in Bar Harbor. And yes Great Head does exist and most of the island hates Martha.

Beefy McManstick said...

Lulz @ 4.7% average grade.

Ugly Lady said...

Jolene,

I've heard that some cyclists are known to avoid washing their shorts, in an effort to build up a layer of lubrication of some sort. You may want to try a different strategy, given your apparent chemistry. You may even want to Oxyclean them from time to time, if this is problematic for you.

As far as lubrication goes, have you been to my website?

Johnny Sprocket said...

If it takes her 90 minutes, she isn't doing it right.

Jim said...

BTW, "Sochy" is pronounced "sucky."

Anonymous said...

Head is waaaaaay better if she brings you up to the brink, and then teases you for a while, suckling the nuts and blowing gently til you simmer down a bit, and repeat indefinitely. Anticipation increases the final release. Bravo Martha, I admire your dedication, most girls don't have the patience.

plane - simple said...

SORE - TUNG

Anonymous said...

That would be 'mountain stage' head. I reckon she slobbers all over it for 89 minutes, then puts in a 'Cav" at the end... a la TDF 'sprint stage'.

Anonymous said...

what the hell! if I knew there was such a thing as vaginal tighteners I might have thought twice before tossing my ex-wife out the door for a new tighter model...oh well! at least I know now. Thanks Snob!

Anonymous said...

gears are "old hat"??? WTF! only stupid twat hipster would say something so stupid.

bretttt said...

looks like you've started to kiss lance armstron's ass as well. i pity. you were the last person i expected to fall into the lure.

Klaus Mohn said...

SEXX - TOYS

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Anonymous said...

Damn hippies.

Anonymous said...

The Yes Men? A couple of douchebags that think they know it all.

CommieCanuck said...

Wes said...
Commie
Gears are old hat. There's a new scene on the scene - fixed gear.


Thanks, but some of us live in the 3rd dimension, like to go fast and like our knee ligaments the length they are.

CommieCanuck said...

Anonymous said...The Yes Men? A couple of douchebags that think they know it all.

They know a lot more than the thousands that visit their websites over a URL spelling error.

Anonymous said...

This is the funniest thing I have ever read.
But I don't get out much.

Anonymous said...

Here is what Jezebel writes about ShakeWeight.

http://jezebel.com/5326326/what---or-who--could-possibly-have-inspired-the-shake-weight

grog said...

obviously, it takes martha so long to hike the great head becuase she's using her Ben Wa Balls at the same time. sheesh. you try that.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, a-hole. I just spit Coke all over my monitor. :)

Anonymous said...

"Thanks, but some of us live in the 3rd dimension, like to go fast and like our knee ligaments the length they are." ..... old, soft cock.

Anonymous said...

Martha knows her way around great head huh? that's a bad double entendre... if she ever tried bothered it's been so long she's forgotten... because she's GAY.

Let's ring the obvious bell for all you youngin's loud & clear so you'll never forget *BONG BONG BONG*

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