Friday, May 15, 2009

This Just In: BSNYC Slaycation Announcement! (and Friday Fun Qiuz)

It was a warm and pleasant morning here in New York City--warm enough even to soften the outer edges of my heart, although the core remained hard and cold like an under-nuked frozen dinner. As I veloambulated along, I made the mistake of marveling at the lack of things irritating me, until I came upon this:

I absolutely hate murals that command me to do things, especially when they're painted on the walls of overpriced clothing retailers. What if I don't feel like living, working, and creating right now? Who is Brooklyn Industries to tell me what to do anyway? Actually, I was already feeling vivacious and effusive just a moment ago, but now thanks to you I'd rather destroy, sit on my posterior, and die. Nice job. You just sold one less $58 "More Bike Lanes" hoodie and robbed me of my will to live in the process.

Fortunately though, my spirits were once again buoyed a little while later, since a bunch of bike nerds under the auspices of Transportation Alternatives were giving out free food on the Manhattan Bridge. And it really was free, too--I didn't even have to listen to any smug speeches or accept any printed anti-car treatises in return! Check out the haul I made:


Good thing I was palping a rack or else there's no way I'd have been able to carry this stuff. The TA nerds couldn't have appeared at a better time, either. I'd just been dropped on the bridge ascent like a piece of hot gnocchi by a woman riding a fixed-gear and dressed like 80s Pat Benatar and I was bonking hard.

Speaking of sitting on my posterior, it's with pleasure tinged with pleasure that I'm pleasured to announce that as of the end of this post I'll be "slaying" a vacation. This vacation will last until Tuesday, May 26th, at which point I will return with regular updates. (Although the subject of those updates will change from cycling to the reproductive system of the Southern Hairy-Nosed Wombat. I smell something, and it's either a Nobel Prize or wombat dung.)

And with that, I'd like to leave you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right, you'll see some sort of confirmation, and if you're wrong you'll see evidence of a sinister Dutch plot to create a legion of deadly supercommuters.

Sincere thanks to everybody for reading, commenting, emailing, and generally rubbing your bikes wherever and however you please. Ride safe this coming week, and I'll look forward to seeing you again on Tuesday, May 26th.

--BSNYC/RTMS









1) This rider loves:





2) The person who submitted this bike to Fixedgeargallery built it for:

--His girlfriend







3) There is a limit to what people will try to sell on Craigslist.

--True
--False




4) How do you know this bike is from Manchester, UK?

--Manchesterites Mancunians love Stryper
--It evokes the interior of the Ha├žienda nightclub
--It's finished in the colors of Manchester's new bike-share program
--It's obviously blind drunk






5) What does this image depict?

--A fixed-gear skid patch analyzer app for the iPhone
--Knog's new "Tire Newt" lights
--The areas of varying tread thickness on Soma's new "Everwear II" fixed-gear-specific tire
--The phenomenon known as "rim throb"




6) What is most remarkable about this bike?

--The improvised frontal filth prophylactic
--The excess padding on the bars coupled with the lack of padding on the saddle
--The kickstand
--All of it. The gestalt is mindblowing.





7) Why does this car have a boat on it?

--The Fixed-Gear Apocalypse is upon us and the driver is fleeing Brooklyn
--It's one of those new amphibious Volkswagens, the "Flip n' Float"
--It's Drive Your Boat to Work Day
--The driver is going to "slay" some boating




8) How many companies are involved in this "collabo" called "The Complete Ride," which involves fixed-gear-specific sneakers and bikes with matching "colorways?"

--Two
--Four
--Six
--Eight




The ________ is made in collaboration with master milliner Victor Osborne and designed with the highest attention to detail. ____ started with Italian tropical wool suiting, known as the finest cloth in the world and graded in terms of a Super number. The higher the number, the finer the wool. These caps are all made from Super 80s or better, which means they will have similar performance qualities to our premium merinos. Perfect for riding across town and still looking refined and sophisticated on your next date.


9) What product does this copy refer to?

--The $75 Outlier Tropical Wool Cap
--The $175 Rapha Gentlemen's Bonnet
--The $7.50 Nashbar "Head 'Em Off" Cycling Cap
--The $595 Derby Day Hat from The J. Peterman Company



10) What is this?

--An attachment from a very strange email I received from Blair Underwood
--An attachment from a very strange email I received from Grant Petersen


***Special Canine Footwear-Themed Bonus Question***


This dog's shoes are SPD compatible.

--True
--False

330 comments:

1 – 200 of 330   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

up there!

bkf

CommieCanuck said...

Boasson Hagen!

Anonymous said...

again?

Anonymous said...

CC pulled a zabel!



keep those hands on your bars

Test Tickle said...

early bird!

Anonymous said...

BOO-YA!

rezado said...

Profanity, gang signs and movie quotes.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top Ten!

rezado said...

I love qiuzzes!

panino said...

hey, how fast are you?
nei primi 10, non male!

Anonymous said...

wombat1st

Bill said...

Have a great vacation!

Mark said...

In the top 20. Snobby, nice rack!

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Gnocchi!

Buon appetito!

hillbilly said...

Did you mean to say "pleasured to announce?" Seems like it might have been intentional, but just not sure....

SLAYCATION, ALL I EVER WANTED, SLAYCATION HAPPY TO GET AWAY

oh, and if you want to feel bad about btw day, go to streetsblog and read their "diary"

or maybe you, like me, got stuck behind the guy adjusting his handlebar mounted video camera incessantly in the bike lane on Nevins Street

mikeweb said...

pack phil

mercator said...

That dutch guy on the treadmill (bikemill?) blew my mind. I was waiting for the part where they turn it off and he flies off the end but I guess that happened later.

grog said...

RIDE NICE

rezado said...

That front fender implicates safety but, how can it be safe with no brakes. Does the owner think that it is safe because, if he crashes the padded handle bars wont puncture his abdomen

Fred said...

After all that belly-aching yesterday about who gets to be the authentic user of vernacular, Boats-n-Hoes was fuckin' perfect.

Bravo, Mr. Snob, bravo.

Anonymous said...

monolith explained.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

tentofortysix said...

Palp a happy and safe slaycation, Snob.

Renders Fenders Moot said...

I am hotter than no gnoccho. Look out cheese, I'm gonna melt your ass. I'm talking to you, manchego.

The Baron said...

That's *Mancunians*, Snob. Manchesterites sounds like some kind of mineral deposits.

Anonymous said...

they aren't?

Test Tickle said...

sofa x king x stupid x really

BikeSnobNYC said...

The Baron,

Oops, sorry! Corrected. Okay, back on vacation...now.

--BSNYC

Will Handsfield said...

Mid Pack on BTWD!

CommieCanuck said...

Nice app. I'm finishing off the last lines of my iPhone App, GROVER. It allows you to distinguish if one object is bigger or smaller than the other. I predict great success, along the lines of my COUNT app, which helps the user count to 21.

The trick to successful Apps is understanding the iPhone buyer.

CommieCanuck said...

Ha! I just figured it out, who the hell would go on vacation in mid-May?

A CANADIAN, that's who...Happy Victoria Week, or whatever they call this month's excuse to go drinkin'.

I smell beaver.

db said...

You've got a lot of competition in the wombat category.

Heh, "bulldozers of the bush".

Bill said...

Sorry to burst your bubble, cc. but it's actually a very popular week to go on vacation for your average football lovin real american as well, memorial day is a week from monday, or labor day, whatever the hell that one is, i think p diddy has a big party (which i'm sure snob is going to) and you can wear white after said day. also coincides with a bunch of people going to italy to ride the giro course, maybe snob was inspired by 'the climb' and is doing that (ha) as well as century to montauk (could stay for the diddy).....

Anonymous said...

I love... having my balls sucked.

Have a great slaycation, snob. I hope someone sucks your balls.

Fritz said...

Take your boat to work day ... Ha

Enjoy your break

ant1 said...

Nice rack snobs!

mary poppins said...

was the horrific fixed gear a mid 1980's px10? looks like a reynolds 531 professinaL sticker . . .

WheelDancer said...

So does the 'remarkable' bike have flashlights wrapped up in the missile launchers on each end of the bar?

Palp a good week snobby!

Seanywonton said...

Is that a downtube-mounted spotlight switch on the Peugot? I don't see any breaks so it can't be a DTMBL.

Seanywonton said...

The grey bike is obviously owned by a surgeon (needs to keep hands un-calloused) with elaphantitis.

hillbilly said...

seany - spot of removed "suicide shifters"

Anonymous said...

Where is the fascinating Bikesgonemild?

I hear he's offering lessons on how to fuck himsef!

Anonymous said...

An act of common decency will be performed by Tyler Hamilton in the very near future. Tyler announced that he would melt down his disputed Olympic TT medal and donate the precious metals to charity;


"At the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens, Hamilton won the gold medal in the men's individual time trial. That medal was placed in doubt on September 20, 2004, after he failed a test for blood doping (receiving blood transfusions to boost performance) at the Olympics. Two days after the announcement of his positive test at Athens, the IOC announced Hamilton would keep his medal because results could not be obtained from the second sample. The Athens lab had frozen the backup, which made it impossible to repeat the test.[2] The Russian Olympic Committee appealed to the International Court of Arbitration for Sport to give Hamilton's medal to Russian silver medalist Viatcheslav Ekimov. However, on June 27, 2006, the court rejected the request.[3]"

The precious metals will be donated to the T. Hamilton Foundation.

Seanywonton said...

"Where is the fascinating Bikesgonemild?

I hear he's offering lessons on how to fuck himsef!"

Whoah, looks like I missed something good!

Snob, enjoy the vacation! I'm looking forward to catching back up with some archives.

Shram said...

I thought you were talking about that craigslist ad for a kickstand for $5.

that's probably worth buying actually, they're only going to go up once Snobby moves on from wheelbrows.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Bulldozer of the bush. I love that. Can I copyright it? I already own the rights to "carpetmuncher."

Anonymous said...

canadian communist, i could use the GROVER. when i grab coffee in the am at the pantry at work, all the small/medium/large coffee cups are stacked next to each other, and im never convinced ive actually gotten the large and have to pull a couple of mediums to hold them up to the large and doublecheck.

i get some strnage looks doing that.

i feel better finally getting this off my chest.

Anonymous said...

All you spell checks suck my mispelling..you missed.. and Friday Fun Qiuz

ant1 said...

anon 2:32 - It's gonna be a good week. No snob posts to distract us from talking shit to each other on this comment page. It's gonna be awesome. Thanks for getting things started.

Seany - some good shit talking was had yesterday. this douchebag (see above) came in here talking shit about the comments, we responded, he didn't like the responses, blah blah. standard trollery bs. you should get in on the action, but make sure you don't use slang or incorrect grammar, cause that's not cool according to his douchebagness.

grog said...

Anon 2:50
no, rezado caught it at #9.
FUNK WHIZ

Matt Boulanger said...

The boat on that car is a very nice example of a six-hour canoe- very DIY:

http://www.theboatshop.com/plans/sixhour.shtml

Since you make it yourself, it is very easy to produce in any number of colorways, and you can paint it to match the pfd you are palping.

flaco the flaccid said...

I really disliked that douchebag. He was exactly the opposite of likable. I almost had to threaten to slap him with my limp member, almost....

George said...

Are you sure that the trash cans below that mural aren't part of the message? "Live, Work, Create Garbage". Seems less like a command and more like an accusation if you read it that way. Either way, I too am offended.

SuzieQ said...

i would show my tits to anyone who kicked a cab, no questions asked.

Luck E. Seven said...

PASS!!

Some days it doesn't pay to lead the break.

Palp a rocking slaycation, Snob.


A

red neckerson said...

anyways when you gets down to myrtle beach gives me a call and ill show you where the best gator porn shops is

and if anyone says nice rack snob onced more im going to castricate him

unless hes a girl i dont know how to castricate no girl even tho i heard them ayrabs knows how to do it

and if hardon gordon gets his panties wadded up agin ill tells him that this aint no new yark times and jolene aint no educated real smart lady likes moreen dood

SuzieQ said...

they're very nice tits too, promise boys. It seems while frilly's special gift is in the trunk, mine is up top.

rezado said...

I thought I already brought qiuz to light. Who knows I may have spelled it right.

Silly me.

Anonymous said...

I got 100% on the quiz and first comment!

HAHA JUST KIDDING!!!

rezado said...

Where does SuzieQ reside? we can go on a cab kicking bender.

Anonymous said...

yay for greyhounds!

hillbilly said...

ow! damn, that sure hurt, you know, the kicking of the cab i just did...

rezado said...

Greyhounds are faster than you mom.

frilly said...

Not to steal your thunder SuzieQ, but I'm palping a fairly nice rack myself.

Shram said...

rezado:

your mom not you mom

HAha

Shram said...

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that SuzieQ is a dude posting

Of course I'll be kicking all cabs within range just in case. fuckin cabs.

rezado said...

It is time for a friday fun boob comparison contest thing.

rezado said...

My mom has lost a step or two in her old age.

rezado said...

Never mind I thought you were talking about my mom.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 2:32pm...awww...that's so cute...did you need help coming up w/ that ???...

bikesgonewild said...

...forget the rack...i've ascertained that the apple in comparison to the cliff bar is 9 inches across...

...no wonder they call nyc the big apple...

blackbelt said...

"…now hells dawg, you know i’m just fuking wich ya, you know i give you them mad phat superfly stoopid dope dumass retarded bombshit props, you know I just want to bust out them stoopid moves and send a shoutout to you and all my peeps, you know that i fukin, i fukin, i fukin give you them mad phat superfly stoopid dope dumass retarded bombshit props…jolene i luv yew cuz yor az strong az muh wife an az lite az muh gurfren an i don care that yur not muh cuzin an i don care that yew don haf no teef in yor mauf i luv yew like i luv muh ol traler…"

actually good ....chapeau

Luck E. Seven said...

Just kicked a cab. Totally worth it.


A

TheTye said...

Can someone let UniversalSports.com know that it is lame to put a picture of the winner of every stage on the Icon for that stages video. It kinda spoils the fun of watching if you know who wins before the stage starts

Anonymous said...

happy friday
http://doodoolicio.us/index.php?site=http%3A%2F%2Fbikesnobnyc.blogspot.com%2F

datotb said...

Tacoma makes it on to BSNYC?!!!?! Yessssss! We have arrived!

Anonymous said...

Frilly, like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster, without pictures to prove it, it doesn't exist.

The Real Goupetto said...

groupetto

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the dude that built the bike featured in number 2 is still dating the girl for whom he built the bike. I am going to hazard a guess and say no. Or at least I am hoping that she ran screaming from the room when she was presented with that day-glo pile of shit.

frilly said...

anon 6:24--Really?

Anonymous said...

Frilly, your response to anon 6:24 is awesome!

Anonymous said...

'Palping a rack' and wearing your urine soaked Vitoria ballet slippers and what appears to be a pair of 4Season OG Pants. And I don't see any fenders either - you really going to eat that apple? You are lucky if it's just urine!

ken e. said...

"I try to think, but nothing happens"

QIUZ ITUP

Anonymous said...

Thank you for Drive Your Boat to Work Day.

Until this point, I had never considered the need for such advocacy. You've opened my eyes.

I own a canoe, but not a car, and without a job, I will struggle to achieve the goal, but if not, I'll just go fishing.

cyclotourist said...

Nice rack Frills. Good solid triangulation and such. But really, that picture is soooo small, what a tease.

Philip Williamson said...

Those Bianchis make me want to hit someone, possibly with a "flathandle."

Philip

brothersterno said...

Let's not forget the other entries in the teh-coma spoke card contest:

chihuly joke

Wes said...

"although the core remained hard and cold like an under-nuked frozen dinner" - very nice Snobby, enjoy the slaycation.

Anyone notice that qiuz was misspelt? Oh, and nice rack. Etc etc

Bluenoser said...

Snobbie,

It's a holiday here, so as usual I have to work meaning I can't stick around for the sprint to 100.

So.

90.

Smells more like Muskrat here Commie

-B

poffertjes said...

mercaton

I rode that treadmill too. When you turn it off you don't go anywhere. Unless you try to brake.

steve said...

oh, and if you want to feel bad about btw day, go to streetsblog and read their "diary"
Web Hosting

Shawna said...

I love Cliff bars. The end!

hillbilly said...

steve - did you realize I said those exact words at 12:59? Just curious.

Old Fonzie said...

Have to agree with George, I read it as "Live, Work, Create Garbage", too. But I saw it more as a warning label than an accusation or command.

red neckerson said...

theres some wiurd shit on these comment links like i damm near gots throwed out of the pubic libary by the libary lady until i slipped her a oxycontin

ricky said...

headin home

red neckerson said...

ill kick yer ass

ricky said...

draftin on ya

red neckerson said...

aint fair you douchebag

ricky said...

yer buyin the keystone today you fucking loser

leroy said...

Okay, who sent me the T-Shirt that reads:

"I kicked a cab and all someone showed me were some mud flaps."

What did I miss?

Luck E. Seven said...

Talk about mudflaps, my girl's got em.


A

bikesgonewild said...

...NO FAKE HEADLINES THIS TIME...

..."The Tour de France doesn't want Tom Boonen, but the Quick Step rider is willing to go to court to force the race to accept him."...

...hey, boonen...fuck you, you self serving, self righteous moron...sit down & shut the fuck up...

..."Cocaine use outside of competition is not doping, no matter how you look at it," Deleu said. "If he is excluded then Boonen would be denied his right to work, based on an arbitrary decision by the Tour organiser ASO."...

...hey, boonen's lawyer...fuck you too, you devious self righteous moron...sit down, shut the fuck up & you & your client think about getting real jobs...

...if you & your "boy" had any common fucking sense, you would have made him realize after the first offense, rather than the third (yes, this is the third, not the second) that in an already tenuous situation regarding the use of drugs in cycling that maybe, just maybe a world cycling champion doing coke & lying about it would not be an intelligent contribution...

...just sayin'...

cyclotourist said...

So BGW, don't be shy, how do you feel about it?

Bluenoser said...

I have to say I'm with bgw on this one.

When he can find three offences instead of two then he may have looked into the Boonen thing a little more closely than most.

And knowing how meticulous he is about most things cycling, who is to question?

-B

leroy said...

Luck E Seven:

Exactly.

You know what I mean.

Klaus Mohn said...

MUDF LAPS

ant1 said...

Out of competition cocaine is still doping if you ask me. Pro cycling is not the only competition out there. I was at the same bar Boonen was at post roubaix. Both of us were hiting on this sweet 15 year old girl. I was all like, hey baby (pun intended), wanna come back to my place and drink some coca cola and stay up late? She was all about it until tom douchenen starts offering her a bunch of coke if she went back to his place. Of course she went home with him. I don't mind a good cock block, but only when within the rules. I think I'm gonna go to the UPI (union pedophile internationale) on this one.

Anonymous said...

I see that goddamn padded handlebar bike every day, and in case you were wondering, the pads that look like bar ends are actually plastic water bottles covered in electrical tape

Luck E. Seven said...

111th!!


Leroy- Today's my lucky bun day.

BGW- Unless Boonen is doing lines on the bike, why should coke be considered a performance enhancer?


A

Bluenoser said...

Shit, I hate having to work for a living. It interferes with cycling blog commentition.

You know, Podium, 100, 111.

I'll have to head over to How to Avoid the Bummer Life and see if I can't capture 666.

-B

wishiwasmerckx said...

It's only day one Snob-free, and I already have night-sweats and a rash.

Wes said...

It seems some people don't like cyclists.

Tyre sabotage brings race to halt

Police are investigating after carpet tacks were spread across roads bringing a major cycle race to a halt.
More than 3,500 people were taking part in the Etape Caledonia, over 81 miles around Pitlochry in Perthshire.
It is the only cycle event in Britain where all the roads travelled on are closed - which has angered some locals.
Tacks were strewn on a section of the race, bursting hundreds of tyres. Police said it was a reckless act and it was fortunate no-one was hurt.
Cyclists ended up with damaged tyres and the event had to be stopped but organisers cleared the road and the race was completed.
The event has been running for several years and has developed into the Perthshire Cycling Festival, but has brought protests over the disruption caused by the three-hour Etape Caledonia.
Some campaigners are angry because they believe their freedom of movement is being restricted, visitors may be put off coming to the area, affecting tourism and business, and locals could be prevented from getting to church.
Peter Hounam, from the Anti Closed Road Event (Acre) group, said: "Acre is against the closure of roads for cycle events in our area, we do not object to cyclists or people taking part in events.

"We don't condone what has happened, but it shows there is real frustration from people who feel the authorities are not listening to them."
Alun Pugh, a former member of the Welsh Assembly, travelled to Scotland for the race.
He said: "It's just really, really sad because this is the biggest cycling event for amateur mass participation cyclists in the whole of the UK.

BBC

ant1 said...

I bet the snobster threw those tacks on the road to teach people a lesson about fenders. He was hoping they would get flung into the riders' crotches and backs, giving them a bloody (in the american sense, not the british one) reminder that fenders are always a good idea. Care to deny the allegation snob? no? that's what I thought. Silence is consent. Guilty as charged. I bet he's also responsible for the rider protest in Milan. Cars in the bike lane is a big peeve of his. It appears phase 1 (the blog about it phase) is complete and phase 2 (the take action phase) has started. Bike salmons beware. If you see an alpalca with fenders and a nice rack heading your way, run/rock/rub/palp away as fast as you can.

ant1 said...

Hey commie, can you post something today so that I may be entertained?

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, that's right, eh....Looks like I'm dependent on you slobs for entertainment...will someone please start with a suggestive comment to Frilly to make it interesting...I await your response.

beefoven said...

just got back from gaycation and boy am I beat.

ant1 said...

Frilly - nice rack!

frilly said...

Thanks Antoine. Just never know when I'll have a package I want to hold.

Bill said...

i'm freakin out, i don't think i can do an entire week of this!

ant1 said...

damn it. I was trying to come up with some half way clever sexual comment about myself and your rack and failed miserably. Why didn't I think of putting my package on your rack? I'm slipping.

bikesgonewild said...

...luck e.seven...

..."why should coke be considered a performance enhancer?"...i'm not suggesting that, sir...

...what i'm railing against (as is the u.c.i.) is that coke is just one more "pro cycling image debilitator"...& that not only includes using it but lying about it afterward & then having an officially sanctioned lawyer, as well as a belgian cycling official trying to justify the act for one reason & one reason only...because the man is a superstar & "cycling hero" in a cycling mad country...

..."Instead of trying to help a man who is in difficulty, the UCI has decided to kick him when he is down," said Belgian cycling federation president Laurent De Backer in the report....

...ah, well no, monsieur de backer...boonen's not down, he's up, coked up as a matter of fact & it's not just one isolated instance where "someone must have slipped it into my drink", it's a regular feature of his "off the bike" life, booze, young broads n' coke & it's the third such (known) offense...

...explain that to your 12 year old son or daughter who's interested in cycling or your neighbor who sees you headed out for a ride & used to admire the "healthy" lifestyle you seem to enjoy...how about your coworkers that always thought you were a little quirky but kinda cool for riding to work...

..."so, i heard/read/somebody told me that not only are 'you guys' using drugs for racing but the world champion is getting coked up on the weekends too...what's up w/ that ???"...

...ah, stupidity, i guess...

Wes said...

You may be slipping, but what about your package? Is it strapped securely to Frilly's rack?

Anonymous said...

Ant1: I'm sure that Frilly has some kinda bungie/strap or something that could hold your package in place on her rack.

Frilly: I see you have opted for the rear mounting. Good choice.

ant1 said...

I’ve got it wedged in her rack pretty good. As of right now, there is some slight but repetitive movement which I find to be in no way problematic. But things are bound to get a little sticky as the ride progresses.

hillbilly said...

I'm stuck trying to work "cummute" into this whole rack thing

gives new meaning to the word commute?

flaco said...

don't ortlieb too quickly

Wes said...

ant1

Seems like you're a little pent up after crashing out with that Roubaix chick.

Just sayin'...

ant1 said...

hillbilly - I'm cool with that as long as you don't try to work the strapping on comments in at my expense.

ant1 said...

wes - yeah, that was a bummer instead of the hoped for hummer.

Wes said...

hillbilly

You've got work in, strap-on and bummer from ant1. Go get him!

ant1 said...

I can’t wait to see what this comments section will have devolved into by the time Friday comes around.

ant1 said...

hillbilly's gonna make me squeal like a pig.

ant1 said...

I can hear the banjos already.

Anonymous said...

Does the rack double as a filth prophylactic? Or does it attract muck?

Wes said...

Get ready to pray, boy.

Anonymous said...

Wes would like you on yours knees please...

ant1 said...

In a way, the rack attracts “muck”, but that could be a good thing. Some people would rather have it land there then on other, less easily cleanable, areas of the “bike”.

Man, somebody needs to come up with another subject to comment about.

frilly said...

Antoine, not sure how big your package is but I'm fairly confident that my rack has enough surface area to securely anchor it. No worries (as AP might say).


BGW-Hafta agree with you. Y'know like others I'm doing the Livestrong Challenge Team Fatty. Anyhoo, 'bout the time I was ready to ramp up my donation campaign, showergate occurred. The perception of the outside world was "Lance is doping." cuz people don't understand the convoluted relationship of WADA and pro cycling and the UCI and the ASO. They just know what little they hear about now & then. And its usually not good.

Seriously I don't think anybody understands that whole cluster-F.

ant1 said...

Frilly - I can't decide between the following two answers:
1. look at my avatar for a clue to my package's size.
2. I get charged for oversized/weight luggage every time I fly.


Somebody please get me off...this topic before I do any more unnecessary damage to my online reputation.

Wes said...

Get a hold of yourself man. (Not like that.) You're not in France now.

And just think, Just an Average Joe could be reading this with his kids - they do not want to know about muck covered strapped on racks.

Think, cycling blog.

Anonymous said...

Average Joe knows better. This cycling blog gets a NSFKids rating by the Internet Blog Rating Authority.

Please continue with the absurdity.

bikesgonewild said...

...yep...cycling...the awesomely beautiful sport & activity that regularly keeps kicking itself in the teeth...

...what a shame...

Anonymous said...

There's something self-destructive about the sport. I'm slowly grinding my knees into dust, but I can't wait to get out on the bike and do it all over again. Strange......

red neckerson said...

im tired of all the funny boy bullshit

i gots a hugh cock and i aint affeared to use it

bikesgonewild said...

...now, i too hear banjo music...& the grunting & squealing of pigs...

...lordy, lordy, lordy...(that's hill-speak for "just sayin')...

frilly said...

anon 4:32-No doubt! My right foot is messed up with a running injury. Oh but I'm still riding--clipping in & out mostly on the left.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 4:32pm...keep spinnin' those gears...a bit hard to learn but way easier on the knees...
...i just turned 60 (wtf) & i've never had my knees bother for more than about three days at a time...big gears = joint stress...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

So what is the compelling element that keeps us coming back? People that treat me like that get discarded, but I keep coming back to the bike..... Perhaps my being an idiot has something to do with it?

hillbilly said...

dammit, why do I always get asked to do work at the least convenient moments! now, where were we? ant1 get his chain lubed by frilly yet?

Anonymous said...

Single speed + hills + near 40 = OUCH!

Luck E. Seven said...

BGW - I agree.

Just taking my pull to set you up for the rant. Boonen is a man-child with a man-child lawyer, neither of whom have the stones to admit to TB's illicit drug use or the ill-effects it has on the sport.


Frilly - Can I fit your rack to my frame? I have a big load to disperse...


A

Anonymous said...

Let me ask you guys sth... I follow the posts for quite a while, but never was able to know what RTMS stands for. Anyone can answer me that?

Many thanks!

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 4:32 & 4:48pm...

...the first question is way too philosophical for a quick retort but in your musings, if you're correct, well then i'm an idiot too & we're both in the good company of millions...

Anonymous said...

Does anyone have a copy of the BikeSnobNYC companion to loan Anon 4:59?

bikesgonewild said...

...damn...i'd tell 'im but at my age, i ferget stuff...& what was the question again...

Wes said...

Anon 4:59

Something about Read The Many Scripts - reference to working your way through the archives, comments and all to find what you seek.

Happy hunting.

bikesgonewild said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bikesgonewild said...

...my eyesight is going too...i thought all weekend that the foto at the top of this post said:
live,
work,
cheat.
...& i thought to myself, "now, is that any way to go through life ???...ok, what was the question ???...

...nice, wes & exactly right...

...now really, what was the question ???...

hillbilly said...

rack to my semen....

ant1 said...

Good one wes. I think we have found our stock answer for that question.

ant1 said...

hillbilly - that's pretty good too. and it can even be used as a compliment: Baby, you're the rack to my semen.

frilly said...

Gangsta artist Yo!

Bring it on over here & we'll take a crack at it. It could be a good fit.

Wes said...

bgw and ant1

Thank you both for your appreciation - if I was an Americain I believe I would be "validated".

hillbilly

It's good, but it has got ant1 fired up again. However, I would like to see him use that line on someone.

hillbilly said...

don't say line, ah shit, too late, here comes Boonen to cock block ant1 again

Wes said...

Rest Tired Muscles Snobby

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, I do not disagree with your thesis of Boonen bringing disrepute to the sport. I am also no expert on European law. However, there is something in the EU Charter about fundamental right to work which makes it more difficult to sack an employee there as compared to here. Because his positive was out-of-competition and for a substance somehow and inexplicably not on the banned list, barring him from competition may not be the self-evident conclusion we assume it to be.

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx..i'll bet my u.c.i. charter outweighs yer e.u. charter...even though neither of us has a real clue regarding euro law...

...The UCI statement said: "Following the control ... on the Belgian rider Tom Boonen, which revealed the use of cocaine, the UCI President Pat McQuaid has decided to refer the matter to the UCI Disciplinary Commission.

"The behavior of Tom Boonen, even though it does not constitute a violation of the anti-doping rules, can be considered unacceptable (Art.1.2.079) and liable to harm the image, reputation or interests of cycling or the UCI (Art. 12.1.005).
...

...boonen's in an exclusive club...ya wanna be in pro cycling's exclusive club, ya gotta play by the club rules...& ultimately, i'll bet it's more about control than drugs...

...he, his lawyer & the belgian federation boss might weasel him into a lighter than six month u.c.i. suspension but i know he ain't gonna be riding in "le tour" this year...

...they can talk all the smack they want but for once i agree w/ christian prudhomme...ixnay, nada, not gonna happen...no '09 tour - guaranteed...

...as far as job dismissal, that's not likely...if the 'quickstep' bosses were gonna fire him it woulda happened by now...they've internally "suspended" him & they've indicated they'll fine him but he is too well regarded in belgium to be let go despite his stupidity...

...he'd be snapped up in a new york minute (that's fast...ask snob)...his d.s. patrick lefevere, no stranger to drugs himself won't let that happen...

...so, he'll "do a program", then everyone will smile, pat each others backs, be conciliatory & he'll be good to go...

...like, prob'ly 'til the next occurrence...

son of son of sam said...

the part that pisses me off about this so called vacation/slaycation is he is probably just using to write hi damn book. his thankless blog with its legions of grumpy weirdo should come first.
someone is gonna get hurt if he doesn't post soon...

jolene said...

snob git back heren pay yer child supert you always get gone whin the rennis dew lo down good fernuthin

ho well

if yer needs the time fer stuff to think then if you sets it free then it comes back

fuck yall im goin to cabo wabo

bikesgonewild said...

...yes...i guarantee this is real...

..."BRUSSELS – Ready to flex their pecs and strike a pose, bodybuilders at the Belgian championships scattered when doping officials showed up.

...A man who refused to give his name at the NABBA Belgium bodybuilding federation could not explain why the competitors had suddenly rushed off and would not discuss the matter."
...

..oh ya...gee wiz, me too...i wonder why ???...

Anonymous said...

BGW, we are giong to need hair, urine, blood and stool samples just to make sure that you are not talking out of both sides of your mouth. Please report to doping control immediately.

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, I am not trying to pick a fight with you, but if you want to know a little about just how broad the reach of the EU Charter is, ask Microsoft or Intel.

Mind you, I hope they nail the guy, but I look for a wrist slap and a few public service visits to Belgian schools, hospitals and nursing homes, and then all will be forgiven.

BTW, is coffee really that scarce in Belgium? Who knew?

Surly Bastard said...

Ant1, Frilly, BGW, Jolene, Red, WIWM ya'll are doing a damn fine job of trying to close that slaycation gap ...

Like Ant1 said, I can't wait to see what this looks like by Friday ...

I'm sensing a big nasty crash in the feed zone. Keep your eyes open.

Anonymous said...

i miss bikesnob

hillbilly said...

dammit, surly, i want credit, i've taken my pulls, it's not like i'm soft pedaling out here!

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasdevlaeminck...whoops, drifting there for a moment, wishiwasmerckx...

...basically, we're on the same page in regard to boonen but i'll reiterate...tom boonen will not be racing the '09 tour de france...no way, no lawyers, no charters, no inclusive laws or rules...not gonna occur...

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 10:19pm...

...sheesh...i'll submit to the doping control but really, a 'way old' guy like me ???...damn...

...hair samples = i haven't had hair in almost 40 years...thanks for rubbing 'that' in, pal...

...urine sample = well, i mean ok but like yer granpa, i hafta pee about 60 times a day & i never know if it's really gonna happen...hey, i'll give it a shot...

...blood samples = hell, at my age it's mostly dust not liquid but i guess i could be "reconstituted"...

...stool sample = damn, at 60 i can't even sit up on a stool by myself...i gotta have a chair & usually some restraining straps so i don't fall over...

...but other than that, no problem, it's a go...

Anonymous said...

Suspended cyclists Bernhard Kohl and Michael Rasmussen are under investigation by Austrian authorities for their role in buying a centrifuge for use in illegal blood transfusions. The two riders and an Olympic gold medal skier face up to five years imprisonment if the charges are proven.


In Amerika we have our ways of punishing dope cheaters. For instance Tyler Hamilton was forced to pay a $5.00 dollar parking ticket and then threatened with a 30 day library card suspension. Oh the inhumanity!

ant1 said...

I read about that bodybuilding incident. pretty hilarious if you ask me. i guess no matter how bad cycling seems, we can always be thankful we're not bodybuilding fans (if there is such a thing).

ant1 said...

From Cyclingnews: "Suspended cyclists Bernhard Kohl and Michael Rasmussen are under investigation by Austrian authorities for their role in buying a centrifuge for use in illegal blood transfusions. The two riders and an Olympic gold medal skier face up to five years imprisonment if the charges are proven."

cyclotourist said...

BGW: Semen samples are the only kind worth giving. That's why Lance had to go hop in the shower.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Hey now, don't jump to conclusions. A centrifuge has many legitimate everyday uses around the house.

Say, for example, you like the low-pulp kind of orange juice, but you accidentally bought the high-pulp kind at the grocery.

Say you're a recent college graduate coming out into the worst job market in decades. Chances are, you are too busy looking for a job to stand around all day at the blood bank. With a home centrifuge, you can prepare your own plasma for sale at a time convenient to your schedule, then just drop it by the blood bank for a fat paycheck.

Must you guys always assume the worst about everyone?

ant1 said...

Good point Merckx. Rasmussen isn't exaclty graduating from college, but his suspension should be nearing its end, right? maybe he was just doing some self-testing to make sure he had the form to return to top level cycling, and selling a little plasma to make ends meet. Or maybe they were starting their own anti doping program, or a damsgaard style lab to help out teams with their internal testing. I should consider them innocent until proven guilty. I'd love to see them do some jail time though. I think cyclists would think twice about doping if they had to spend time in big boy jail (see Marion Jones' singing after the threat of years in jail).

wishiwasmerckx said...

I don't know how much of a deterrent jail would be. It's really not that different than the crappy European countryside hotels they often stay at; gray, drab and uncomfortable with no private bathroom.

George said...

I am a cyclist (daily commuter, shopper + club riding, etc.) in New Orleans, a seriously cycling challenged city. I am new to bikesnob and I enjoy the commentary. The problem is that I feel like I've gotton in late in an interesting conversation among people who have developed their own insider vocabulary. Some of this stuff is a mystery to me and you can't find it in wikepedia. For example, "Malachi crunch," "PSA", "slay" used as a verb but apparently not meaning to kill some animate being (as in "I'm going to slay a vacation"). Wouldn't it be a good idea to provide a glossary for new comers? Thanks.

Wes said...

George

See Anon 4:59's comment and my reply at 5:12.

Along the way you'll find Snobby's references to "The Climb".

It's the same kind of thing.

bi-curious jorge said...

hey guys,

just wondering when prolly is going to bring back the acs rotor? i guess that would just be for fags running a rear brake. maybe just a mishka hollow stem that would do for fags running a front brake. maybe a device for drop bar barspins...

wishiwasmerckx said...

George, "PSA" stands for prostate specific antigen. A simple blood test of your PSA is a predictor of your liklihood of developing prostate cancer.

jolene said...

psa is stands for ponnyacks suck assclown so get yer bitch basket led sled offa the rode i aint no cheerleeder hew creems at the site of a purty car well mebbe an ol econoline with no winders in the back

haw haw haw boy howdaaaaaaaay

Renders Fenders Moot said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BGW!

Man, geezerhood sounds tough though.

I'll pass on that. I'm gonna be awesome forever.

Bill said...

if you want to be amused during snob's slaycation, just go on over to craigslist and peruse the ads seeking musicians. fuckin hilarious.

Luck E. Seven said...

194!


George-

Welcome to the exciting world of Bike Snob New York City! We are THRILLED that you chose to spend your precious free time with us in enlightened reflection of all things cycling-snooty.

As you indicated, our communication has evolved to a higher form of existence, one dotted with self-referential superiority. Unfortunately our welcome wagon is fresh out of secret decoder rings. The good news is that you get to read ALL the old posts and comments to bring yourself up to speed!

Our concierge Wes is available at your convenience to satiate all inquiries, explain all absurdities, and quell those pesky fears of ridicule. One only needs to ask to be told where to go!


A

Anonymous said...

Also George, it is nice to know about your cycling habits, but you have to own up on whether you have tattoos, fenders, tattoos of fenders...

Anonymous said...

Hey guys / Wes

I have the same doubt about RTMS - looked out for it and without any success. For some things, sure, you just 'popular search engine' it and you can find what you want pretty quickly. But I'd sure appreciate if anyone broke this one down for the rookies.

Thank y'all

Anonymous said...

I had my eyebrows laser hair removed and fenders tattooed there, in case anyone wants to know.

Wes said...

Luck E. Seven

Do you think I was a little bit snippy?

Unfortunately my exclamation mark key is snafu'd and my ironyometer has had a mechanical, again.

I'll try and be more welcoming.

Renders Fenders Moot said...

Looks left.

Renders Fenders Moot said...

Waves to the crowd!
200.

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