Thursday, May 28, 2009

Ineftitude: Getting in Touch with your Inner Lizard

Ever since yesterday's post about cultural Xerox machine Mike Giant, something's been bothering me. While I've never actually met Giant, I was almost certain I'd seen him before. Then, while watching this video, it hit me:



He's the guy who played Weird Jimmy in Cheech and Chong's "Nice Dreams:"


If you haven't seen "Nice Dreams," it's the one where the particularly potent strain of marijuana is turning people into lizards. And when it comes to potent drugs, there's always one celebrity who finds the subject Twitter-worthy:



Yes, Dennis Hopper is always throwing in his two cents. Unfortunately, they've usually been through the stretched penny machine.

Of course, while some people believe that marijuana can turn you into a lizard, others feel it can make you more creative. (Mike Giant certainly seems to subscribe to this theory, though in practice it only seems to inspire him to copy stuff.) If this indeed true, then this guy must be smoking the stuff by the bushel:

This image was forwarded to me by an esteemed reader, and it depicts something that was heretofore only the stuff of myth: the reverse-quill, inverted-handlebar, Campy-ergo-with-bar-ends cockpit setup. And as a bonus the bike even includes a mini pump despite the presence of a pump peg, which is visibly yearning for the sweet kiss of a frame pump. Really, the whole thing is just a filth prophylactic away from perfection. I don't know who set this guy's bars up like this, but I suspect it may have been M.C. Escher. If you don't know who M.C. Escher was, he's like Mike Giant, only his drawings are interesting.

Speaking of people who steal stuff, yet another Deep V has vanished:




STOLEN: White Rear Velocity Deep V (williamsburg/broadway)
Reply to:[deleted]
Date: 2009-05-27, 8:53AM EDT

some inbred stolen the back wheel off my bike last night outside of Trophy bar. ofcourse if you're reading this i'm being very specific for the inbred/s that stole it. oh boy you're one lucky lucky person. if i had caught you ohhhh deary, 808721[deleted].

Stolen Deep Vs is the third most common cause of hipster temper tantrums in Williamsburg, just behind STDs and parents who won't foot the bill for their airfare home when they attend their siblings' graduations. I'm not sure what sort of retribution a Deep V thief should fear from a person who says "ohhhh deary," though it might come in the form of a saucy note. In fact, the Saucy Note Bandit has already stricken in Greenpoint, with hilariously devastating results:




whoever vandalized my bike on frankin st - w4m - 23 (greenpoint)
Reply to:[deleted]

Date: 2009-05-24, 8:47PM EDT


It read, "locking to a tree is a dick move." And it also read, "yeah ur a dick."


so amazing. gave me a hilarious laugh this morning. i assume it was a male due to the hand writing... who are you?


In an attempt to unmask the Saucy Note Bandit, I ventured deeper into the moldy cheese cave that is Craigslist, and found what I thought might be a clue that the SNB actually comes from out of town:



11 May - A train from JFK - m4w
Reply to:[deleted]

Date: 2009-05-27, 2:05PM EDT


I was reading "man, mystic, monk" Dalai Lama. Sandals you were wearing, I was wearing sandals as well. Paint blotched NB tied to your Timbuktu. I was lugging a big blue bike bag. Glasses... I still think about you. You said goodbye at Hoyt, and I haven't stopped hearing that. Want to know you...


However, I soon dismissed this theory. Firstly, while someone who reads the Dalai Lama might be fiercely protective of trees, he probably wouldn't go so far as to leave an angry note. Secondly, the syntactical structure of the post doesn't match that of the note. Take this sentence: Sandals you were wearing, I was wearing sandals as well. This actually suggests the Dalai Lama reader is himself another noted spiritualist:



And whoever the Saucy Note Bandit may be, it most certainly isn't Yoda. If it was, the note on the tree bike would have read: "Dick move is locking to a tree. Dick you are."

Having absolved Yoda, I continued to comb Craigslist, where I encountered even more dicks--though this time they came in an altogether different form:



Chelsea mini-storage BJ - m4m - 35 (Chelsea)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2009-05-26, 9:54AM EDT

I was there around 6:30pm last Friday night picking up my bike from storage and when i turned the corner, you were getting your dick sucked with your storage unit door open.
I walked past but then came back slowly and watched, just out of sight of the guy who was getting you off.

It was really hot.
We didn't say a word, but you watched me watch you and I think its what got you off in the end.

I'd like to meet up there sometime and re-enact the scene; this time I'm on my knees.

At this point I realized I wasn't going to find the Saucy Note Bandit on Craigslist, so I figured now would be a good time to conclude my search and leave these gentlemen to it. I guess New York City Craigslist is a lot like a storage unit--you visit innocently in search of a bike, and you wind up walking in on some man-on-man action. This caused me to reflect on what Craigslist must be like in other parts of the country. Certainly I was just one click away from finding out, but I preferred to leave it to my imagination, and I wondered if this was what a Craigslist Missed Connection was like in the Pacific Northwest:

I was taking a stroll through the forest when I saw you and your sweet blue fixie. You had alabaster skin and were wearing nothing except Daisy Dukes and a pair of suspenders, and your right breast must have been itchy because you were scratching it against a tree. I should have introduced myself but I am a Yeti and I was afraid of someone finally obtaining photographic evidence of my existence. Regretting that now. Anyway, if you see this hit me up and I'll scratch you where you itch with my terrifying claws.



I realize that the original photo may be unsafe for some workplaces, so here's a less titillating version featuring another noted suspender enthusiast:


Wow, I guess the Yeti does exist. I wonder if she'll let him ride her Klit:

(Klit Fixedgear, forwarded by a reader)

By the way, if you also like to wander around in the forest (either as a Yeti or in search of one), you might read Outside magazine. Well, it seems I garnered a mention in a column in the June issue. (The column does not seem to be online so you'll have to look at the actual magazine. I recommend waiting three months and then making a dentist appointment, by which time there should be a copy in the waiting room.):



Of course, what I'm really holding out for is Outside's acceptance of my article, "The 40 Best Places to Urinate Outdoors in New York City" (Place #17: The Stoop at Chari & Co.), but in the meantime this will have to do. Yet while I've been mentioned in Outside, and of course have my very own column in Bicycling magazine, my favorite periodical in the whole world by far continues to be Geico Direct Magazine. However, as a cyclist and loyal reader, I have to say I was quite disappointed by the cover of their latest issue:



Really, there isn't much more that could be wrong with this picture. Firstly, who rides a bike on the beach? Not only that, but there are two people on the bike, and neither of them are wearing shoes. The whole thing looks really painful. Why wouldn't they just take a nice romantic walk instead? This is the equivalent of the next Performance catalog featuring a photo of a couple tearing through a park in a Honda Accord. Both doors would be open, the guy would be driving barefoot with his seatbelt unbuckled, and the girl would be sitting on the roof. They might even be plowing through a picnic.

But I suppose I shouldn't expect too much from a car insurer--especially one whose spokesperson is a lizard:

They must be smoking too much weed.

155 comments:

mr donkey said...

donkey dopes

mr donkey said...

donkey wins!!!

mikeweb said...

Scarponi!

Cassaday Rasmussen said...

podium?

mr donkey said...

I combined donkey juice with turtle juice!!!

Cassaday Rasmussen said...

I feel like Danny Pate...

bklnbikenewbie said...

top 10!!!!!

mary popins said...

eating noodles

Anonymous said...

top ten?

Anonymous said...

Di Luca!

Top ten?

Renders Fenders Moot said...

Ten! Or thereabouts!

Luck E. Seven said...

Happy Birfday to me...


A

mikeweb said...

Had to login too - Like trying to outsprint Boonen on the Bologna 36-er...

rezado said...

Pie-eaters

hillbilly said...

"stricken in Greenpoint, with hilarioulsy" problems a plenty, and then later "take is sentence"

now back to the very funny post

mikeweb said...

Niice!! The Harbor tour guy's rear rack and trunk bag looks like it's trying to detach itself from the frame. Like the embarassment of a tween whose Mom drive them to the mall...

libertyonbikes! said...

see now that you mention
cheech & chong,
all i can think about
was the van made out of marijuana.

is that smell,
the smell of the next 'it' material?

maybe a knock off video
with the 'special, hand built
tubeset' fixie? and all the stoner
trouble they get in to?

Anonymous said...

".... Firstly, who rides a bike the beach? ...."

this sentence needs to rock,run,rock,spank? an "on"

right now its the hipster fixie version

Seanywonton said...

Pass...

Astroluc said...

hallo

SNB said...

BTW, Locking a bike to a tree actually IS a dick move.

Wes said...

I always thought it was keyboard impressario and YES man Rick Wakeman.

And what is that donkey smoking to get in there that fast? What an ass.

hillbilly said...

that's what she said

rezado said...

BSNYC,

If this indeed true, then this guy must be smoking the stuff by the bushel:

Today isnt even wednesday, although I am a day behind myself.

Your segues are seamless.

urchin said...

Syntax of Yoda, simple to master is. At the end of the sentence, the verb you must place.

Harbor tour guy, vertebral fusions he must have. For people who must not bend at the waist, drop bars are not.

mikeweb said...

Another beautiful circle of life post from BSNYC: Begins with a pot smoking lizard and ends with a - well - a lizard with a British accent.

Luck E. Seven said...

Insure your insurance?

Dura Ace lockring?

Mike Giant can't be a cultural Xerox. His artwork is worse than the appropp'd originals, which makes him a cultural fax machine.

The hipster having the temper tantrum cuz "some inbred stolen the back wheel" is clearly a leprechaun.


A

Disgruntl Ed. said...

That ending snapped like a whip. Ow!

The time I save by this shortcut to inanity is considerable. I thank you.

"Coast the Harbors" promises to be a similarly pleasant ride, if I can confirm that for the duration a vehicle with a large fan will follow me and provide enough tailwind that I don't need to turn the pedals.

OBA said...

Snobalicious - nice catch on the video of Mr. Giant, but did you notice the same Mr. Giant is featured "rubbing" a P-far outside his shop in another clip in the same video set? Coincidence? I think not. Clearly, he's reading BSNYC and has taken the quantum leap into ironic P-faring before the rest of can even chose the appropriate footwear for such a venture.
-OBA

Corey D said...

Surprised that you missed the obvious Chris Horner reference on the Geico Magazine cover.

Around here, getting Chris Horner'd is a verb.

Anonymous said...

Why Sepia-tone and "larry King" when you left the original picture right there for all to see!!!!

Also, why do people put these pictures on flickr?

Seanywonton said...

"Sandals you were wearing, I was wearing sandals as well."

For some reason the They Might Be Giants song "I palidrome I" springs to mind. Come on you new-agey weirdos. You don't sound spiritual, and that shit you believe isn't going to make you live any longer than the rest of us. You're just going to be more pissed when you die because you didn't get to eat bacon like the rest of us.

Renders Fenders Moot said...

Wonton wrapped in bacon. I'm going palp that. I'm going to live forever.

Renders Fenders Moot said...

to

Anonymous said...

Snobbie you're on fire this week. you should slaycate more often if it makes the successive posts this much more hilariouser

Anonymous said...

I have to comment on how fantastic it is to finally see a photograph of the increadibly rare "four-legged schluffing" riding style. Leave it to those pros at Geico to break new ground in cycling style!

Anonymous said...

loved how this entry went full circle!

bk jimmy said...

On that crazy cockpit setup, are those really bar ends, or are they aerobars? I mean, from the looks of those water bottles, that guy's racing for Toga.

And there's something about a loose cotton t-shirt over spandex shorts that makes you look like you "forgot" your pants.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

ice cube said...

smoking too much weed makes for color co-ordinated fixies. Fixies ridden at a stoners pace.

Slappy said...

Ahh, great post! Cracked me up.

Rantwick said...

Another great post. I agree with others who support slaycation if this is the result. Judicious and fitting use of Yoda, by the way, is the absolute best indicator of top-notch blogging.

Strayhorn said...

So you were wondering what CL looks like in other places?

"some inbred stolen the back wheel" sounds like it came right off the Raleigh-Durham CL - specifically, one of the ads with a locator of Garner or Apex.

If it's not the rural 'tards using a library computer to post their crap, it's some yuppie in Cary or North Raleigh posting shit like this.

Whatta world. Caught between the Klan and the folks who shop at Whole Foods.

gtalley said...

really awesome post! one of my favorites so far.

Anonymous said...

What've people got against locking bikes to trees? If it's a tree or a poorly-bolted-down sign, I'll use the tree..

Luck E. Seven said...

Strayhorn-

So that was a Klansman's bike?

It's used but in absolutely amazing condition!


A

mikeweb said...

Lucky, that was obviously a Whole Foods shopper's bike. Who else but someone who's willing to pay $10 for a head of heirloom lettuce would think that someone would actually pay $350 for that bike

Anonymous said...

wonder if this would work in nyc?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODzmoLhwD-g&feature=player_embedded

ringcycles said...

Snob: Isn't rubbing the Klit the best way to get a hipster chick to smirk? Is rocking aero extensions on a 7" quil stem like putting a ribbed profilactic on a 4" johnson? (tecnically appropriate but practically a waste of equipment) I need confirmation of these theories.

Mad Jack McMad said...

Yes urchin, I believe the correct Dagobahn would be "Locking bike to a tree, dick move it is."

ant1 said...

Locking bike to trees reminds me of a comic back in the motherland:

A guy is sick of getting his bike stolen, so he gets this massive indestructible chain and locks it up to some massive oak tree. He then puts a sign on the bike saying "cette chaine est incoupable." He comes back the next day and the tree has been cut down, and his bike is gone. The thief left a note saying "ce chene est coupable."
Fucking priceless, as I'm sure you all agree.

Wiggiddywack said...

Mike Giant lives in Albuquerque (last I heard, anyway). I also live in Albuquerque. All the young fixsters 'round here need idols like him in order to make their 'radical lifestyle choice' that much cooler. He seems to get a lot of mileage from being a daddy to these types. And the kids get to ride around, some tatted, some sans tatts, pretending that they too can live like Giants. Keep smoking herb, meditating, and drinking beer, youngsters, you almost have your own clothing line. Of course part of me is just jealous of his ability to cultivate a following. Lately, the only following I receive is people standing uncomfortably close to me as I self-check out at the grocery store.

bikesgonewild said...

...snob sez..."what I'm really holding out for is Outside's acceptance of my article, "The 40 Best Places to Urinate Outdoors in New York City":::extra bonus place #41:--ah, any wandering turtle....

Luck E. Seven said...

Mikeweb- Klansmen shop at Whole Foods?!?!

Good one, Ant.


A

frilly said...

Happy Birfday Luck E! xxoo

And, Snobby, thanks for showing a little tenderness--suggesting a romantic walk. I was half expecting a mention of sunsets.

I do feel kind of sorry that girl had to use a tree to take care of an itch. Must be some damn slim pickin's up in the Northwest.

ant1 said...

frilly - she was probably just rubbing her scent onto the tree to mark her territory. sasquash females have surprisingly hairless bodies.

ant1 said...

...the bike was probably some pour fixter's who wondered into the wrong neck of the woods and was eaten by the sasquash.

bk jimmy said...

ant1, you spell about as good as a sasquash

hillbilly said...

isn't that called felching? or something? maybe she just heard that it's bark was worse than it's bite?

red neckerson said...

hey strayhorn its a fact of life that you cant hide yor redneck past shit people around here go to starbucks becos its good stuff to wash down yor oxycontin and theres something special about when oxycontin and hi caffeen breakfast blend hits you at the same time and im just saying

anyway if you dont likes it you can go and flip yor lizard

seemless man that was seemless

frilly said...

Theory #2: Little Red Riding Hood looking for revenge.

Theory #3: some kind of female "Deliverance" scenario.

(Slow day at work)

ant1 said...

jimmy - as well, not as good. me = spelling pot, you = grammar kettle. just kidding, i thought pour was the british columbian spelling of poor, my misteak.

ice cube said...

Female Deliverance!! That is a dream come true!!

mikeweb said...

Pardon the sound of clattering pots and pans while I abrubtly change the subject, but just wanted to share an idea about bikes and red lights that sprang from my normally dormant brain the other day.

Seems that everyone who doesn't ride a bike gets foaming-at-the-mouth pissed off at cyclists who don't stop and wait at every red light. However (knock on cyber-wood) I've never been 'pinched' by the NYPD for rolling through a red light. Crap, yesterday I did it right in front of a cop car that was sitting at a red light (which I realize is a rarity in itself).

Well, I realized that cyclists going through red lights after, of course, yielding to any pedestrians and/or cars who obviously have the right of way, is the same as speed laws for cars. Both are ticketable infractions where the police look the other way and both are things that alomost all cyclists and drivers do on a regular basis.

OK, I'm done. Discuss among yourselves while I take a nap.

hillbilly said...

i think all yall fender happy mofos and snob's PSA got the poor girl terrified about those horrible street liquids, and realizing that she left the house without palping some fenders, she decided to head for the hills.

Luck E. Seven said...

Ice-

In the female Deliverance version, you still get ass hammered, but it's by a 3-toothed logger chick with a strap on, not Mehstie.

Still a dream come true, Peg?

Thanks Frills!


A

Udder said...

Hey Long Island tour rider- Is that a stem on your bike or are you just happy to see me?

ant1 said...

Police always seem to look the other way for me. On my way to lunch today, I was speeding up the road, saw a car in the median, didn't think much of it until I noticed it was a cop car, with a cop radar gunning right at me. He didn't pull me over, even though I never managed to slow down to the speed limit. They never do. I don't know why that is. It's like I have the world's best karma. I've been driving for 10 months without the new 09 little tag sticker thingy on my license plate (I have it in the cab of the truck, just forgot to put it on, and when I realized I figured it'd be fun to see if I could go a whole year without it) and I still haven't been pulled over yet (i drive hundreds of miles a week). I'm constantly riding like an idiot on my bike through a very bike unfriendly city and have never been hit, while my friends who ride less and more safely have multiple times. I'm unfuckingtouchable. One time, in france, I was driving home drunk from a bar in my grandma's car, I ran a red light while simultaneously cutting of a cop car. they pull me over, i didn't have my license on me, and then just let me go.

grog said...

She could use a nipple wrench, since using a tree is a dickmove.
Great post BSNYC, but in future please put the sepia-toned LK image before the one which will get me in trouble at work.

ant1 said...

good one grog!

Anonymous said...

dude stop hating on fixies its getting really lame. Sure beat down on hipsters all you like but leave the simplistic fixed gear bicycle out of this. Bikesnob you used to be funny but now your material is old and it seems like you have found every ridiculous bicycle parked in NYC.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:12pm,

Where did I hate on fixies?

--BSNYC

Philboy said...

You are untouchable ant1. One time a cop pulled me over, sirens and lights going, for running a stop sign (I was on my bike) but got all embarrassed when I pointed out that there wasn't a stop sign at that intersection. I talked him into giving me a speeding ticket instead, 40mph in a 25 zone, which I posted on the bulletin board. What now slowpokes? Any of you ever get a speeding ticket on your bike?

hillbilly said...

damn, ant 1, you are like the anti-me! i must be the only person to ever get put on probation for smoking pot at Bard (and it wasnt even me), and one of my first days in NYC I was busted for smoking a cig on an outside subway platform, when a group next to me was passing around a couple of blunts and drinking 40s.

ps - i was with a french person this weekend, who kept referring to "hilly billies" - actually made em sound kinda cute.

hillbilly said...

Ever since yesterday's post (I hate fixies, everything about them is so lame) about cultural Xerox machine Mike Giant, something's been bothering me

he's right snob, it's right there in the first sentence

bikesgonewild said...

...future comment on bsnyc...

...hey, didja hear about ant1 ???...

...guy used ta be so lucky when it came to cars n' cops n' bikes, right ???...

...so he's riding his grammas bike in france & this beautiful female gendarme, also on a bike starts chatting him up...
...it even starts getting a little amorous when all of a sudden a tiny citroen deux chevaux comes screaming around the corner on two wheels w/ a madcap frenchman behind the wheel...
...(picture said frenchman, if you will, wearing a horizontal striped sailors jersey, a beret & a little black mask around his upper face w/ eyehole cutouts)...

...ant1's lovely gendarme sweetie pulls out her big vintage wwII pistol, steps back to take aim at the fleeing frenchman, trips over her bicycle & the weapon discharges...
...that's right...shoots poor old ant1 in the 'larrykings'...

...sad but i heard we'll have to call him ant0.5 in the future...

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but I don't get why locking a bike to a tree is a dick move. Is cultivating bonsai a dick move? Does it keep the tree from going somewhere it needs to go? Does the tree need 3 square feet of personal space?

red neckerson said...

you can hate on fixies all you wants but im tired of this deliverance shit i dont know no choirs even though some folks living up in fisty are wiurd looking like they might have all the same dna becos everbody gots at least six fingers on each hand so they can have some pretty good messages when they gets nuckle tats

burt reynolds woodnt have had no trouble canooing in this neck in the woods unless he took his pet goat along and ricky was reely horny then it cood have gots out of hand reel fast if you know whats i mean

ant1 said...

nice bgw! speaking of 0.5s, did you see the lance, levi and DZ video? pretty funny stuff.

Greg said...

Philboy, so you talked a cop out of giving you a failure to stop ticket which is like $35 around here, to a 15 over which is at least $150 in court costs?

Nice negotiating skills. Is there any way we can get you to help out with the six-party talks with North Korea?

mr donkey said...

hilly billy...

do you mean second sentence.

Wes said...

The man say "lavishly-appointed and colorway-coordinated fixed-gears" - I think if you ride a specimen such as this you'll be okay - http://www.fixedgeargallery.com/2009/jan/3/WesCushing.htm

Ant1 - you are on fire - maybe you should get your own blog?

And bgw, like the wandering turtle.

hillbilly said...

you're a title counter? not me. ok, fine, you're probably right, and i'm too lazy to go back and cut and paste some dumb shit into the title, so you win. damn laziness. gets me every time.

ant1 said...

Hey snobby - Your buddies at bicycling are apparently fans of the word "colorway". Can't remember exaclty where, but they use it in some product review in the latest issue. Do they not read your blog?

ant1 said...

wes - if I post shit here it might actually get read.

hillbilly said...

I was wondering about that too, Grog, I was also curious about how they came up with the 40 mph figure? He had you on a violation that there is no way he could have made hold up in court and got you to plead guilty to a more pricey ticket that there was also no way he could prove in court?

bikesgonewild said...

...ant0.5...i mean ant1...i didn't realize i actually posted that...i thought that i just envisioned it all...

...wasn't a dope smoke thingy so it musta been one of those "acid" flashbacks bsnyc is worried about...

...& the lance, levi, dz vid ???...if it's twitter related, i don't seem to go there...but where is it found ???...

Wes said...

Damn, hillbilly did I read that wrong - I thought you said tittie counter. Thank goodness Just an ordinary joe's family isn't reading this.

ant1 said...

bgw - i found it through the google. i think it's on one of lance's sites. apparently he puts out a daily video from the astana bus at the giro.

mikeweb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wes said...

Hey ant1

When He palps / gouches a slaycation again, bsexplanation will crank into life.

Ev said...

DUDE

this one came full circle so many times

great job BS!!!!!!!

mikeweb said...

speaking of the BSNYC/Bicycling callabo, Snobbie, why don't they have your content on their website? Is it a 'non-compete' clause in your multi-year seven figure contract with them or are they just embarassed?

Or not looking hard enough am I?

Anonymous said...

I had never heard of this "Mike Giant" guy, so I Googled him. Just spent about 10 minutes reading his "blog" - 10 minutes that I will never get back. It was a trainwreck of wanton douchebaggery...

Philboy said...

Greg & Hillbilly,
No no no, see the 40 in a 25 zone wasn't a real ticket, it was just a fake one for me to show off to my gullible friends, let 'em know what a BA rider I was. Maybe some of them saw the cop with me pulled over and lights flashing. You know, fake street cred. they'd be sayin to each other the whole next week, "Man, that Philboyd Stunge is one fast vato, he got a speeding ticket."

frilly said...

Antoine, I saw that video too. The best part was when Lance put on the TT helmet.

Did you see Jens on there a couple of days ago? He had a bit about slogging through like a 3-legged dog that was pretty good.

bgw-they are on livestrong.com

bikesgonewild said...

...thx...

Anonymous said...

Bike Snob,
A genius, you are. I endorse your continuous uncovering of false heroes.

db said...

I, too, am perplexed about what is so ill-mannered about locking a bike to a tree. In many locales, bike racks are more rare than Ant1's Sasquash (a large, primate-like member of the gourd family, apparently).

In such places, I find myself locking to signs, patio furniture, trees, dumpsters, fire escapes, wrought iron fences, lamp-posts, or any other fixed/heavy object that allows me to attach a lock to it.

As long as my security arrangement doesn't inconvenience someone else, what's the problem?

Jim said...

"you stolen my deep veee" is the "all your base are belong to us" of the late aughts.

hillbilly said...

i forgot about him wes, we should really include a post just for him next slaycation. that dude hates me.

Luck E. Seven said...

I did some research and apparently the reason locking up to a tree is such a dick move has something to do with the size of the U-lock needed to secure to some trees. Giant U-lock rockers are the new bike salmon.

Also, the trees say they don't care if people lock to them. They only asked that no one be duct taped to them with a mini pump hanging out of their ass, especially if the person is Canadian. Not sure what that's about...


A

bikesgonewild said...

...A Tree Grows In Brooklyn is a novel by Betty Smith first published in 1943....

...revised edition - 2009...a coming of age story about a young trendy fix gear hipster w/ a penchant for locking his bike to natural flora & fauna to "keep it real & down to earth"...

..."like, what's the hassle, man...just askin'"...

Anquetil's Mother said...

Thanks for clearing the tree thing up. And for all of you who wanted to see and hear it, but were denied the opportunity... here it is kids:

http://www.raisport.rai.it/dl/RaiTV/programmi/media/ContentItem-2ad4b3c1-4b53-4cc8-bbfe-ba1e8e165610-raisport.html

requires a microsoft plug in and ear plug ins.

DZ at what he does best aside from kick ass and take names in the TT and flirting with the lantern rouge spot.

Anonymous said...

nothing worse than a scum sucking, obama voting, girly pants wearing, hipster! if the apocalypse came this second it couldn't be too soon

ant1 said...

penchant1st!

Anquetil's Mother said...

Anon 4:52, your grasp of sentence structure and proper use of commas leaves a lot to be desired, as do may other happenings in your mind, clearly.

HINT: that last comma is all wrong.

bikesgonewild said...

...btw...great shot from close in & down in front of the giro podium that supposedly originated from pez cycling...

...at least one lovely podium girl likes that fresh shaved look & to prove it, she wasn't wearing any "larrykings"...

...those italia summer breezes must be cooling on a hot day 'cuz she sure had a wonderful smile on her face...

ant1 said...

bgw - is it on the pez site?

bikesgonewild said...

...drunkcyclist.com...second story down - "Lets start this off with a little handshake"...

...just below the d-trump foto, click on "Giro podium girl’s are running it clean"...

...apparently originated w/ pez though i might be wrong but nonetheless...

...guess she was inspired..."hey...all these guys shave their legs, so..."...

...just sayin'...

hillbilly said...

damn if these aren't the cutest things, i have no point...

http://gothamist.com/2009/05/28/five_baby_falcons_born_at_three_cit.php?gallery0Pic=1#gallery

ant1 said...

I see, they have it cropped on pez now.

Anquetil's Mother said...

Inspired? She's a working girl. Think swimsuit ads with stray hairs sell?


It's refreshing to see such lack of concern for the cameras given the pose. Very late 60's playboy. I like it.

Anquetil's Mother said...

the first picture of the falcon somehow reminds me of the evil one though.... Dick Cheney I mean.


ok... back to my wine....

bikesgonewild said...

...yes anquetil's mother, understandable....

...but w/ all those helicopters flying around covering the giro, i would have expected a little "landing strip" or maybe even a tiny "launch pad"...

...n'est ce pas...

Anonymous said...

hahahaha! I take it you didn't like my anti-obama stance!!! so you lambast my punctuation? WTF!!! get a life you socialist bastard!

the lizard king said...

you had me at 'moldy cheese cave'.

Anquetil's Mother said...

i'm a socialist Bâtard.



Look it up.

Anonymous said...

snob, just wondering if you thought the movie "Apocalypse Now" is a timeless classic...Dennis Hopper gave one of the finest examples of acting in that movie. Remember! "Never get out of the fucking boat!"

Anonymous said...

maybe the bike was stapled to the tree

d. fofonov said...

Dear Anquetil's Mother,

Babushka is saying she is not pleasing with Mr. Obama until he is rebuilding Berlin wall. He is being on good start however. Babushka is saying maybe Mr. Obama is building a boat and is sending all Republicans to being where they are coming.

Of these things I am having no strong opinion.

Anquetil's Mother said...

Beloved D. Fofonovtsiuszkieviczku,


If by rebuilding the Berlin Wall Babushka means Obama should have that Italian Podium girl put her panties back on, I don't think it will help. Besides, you know she soaks her poppycake poppy seeds for so long that they grow mold. And while she gets quite a good price for her special cakes at the bar, I don't think Babusia is all there anymore.

Your cousin,
Mme. Anq.

Anonymous said...

dude, nobody commented on the bike porn yet.

if you go to that site, theres 159 of them. RI-DICK-U-LOUS.

Anonymous said...

also, the bikes are props, or a polygamous relationship.

JaJa Binks said...

Screw you Yoda you over grown swamp dwelling termite. Now hand me that spliff

Jay said...

Wait... what?

d.fofonov said...

Kind Madame,

You are mistaking me for Romanian which is grievious insult. As for Babushka my fondling for her not overcoming intention to place her under autobus if to be politically expedient.

tadster said...

Amazing post this was. Entertaining always you are.

ringcycles said...

No one has commented on the bike porn because it is not that interesting, neither bikes nor the "pornettes". Some hipsters may get off, but semi-topless sulking girls in converse all-stars remind me of a 1983 Cure concert, and not in a good way.

Anonymous said...

Ant1, are you shitting me with the registration sticker in the glove compartment? Your brave and selfless act of civil disobedience is an inspiration to us all. You are a beacon on the hill. You have balls the size of pamplemousse. Chapeau, mom ami.

Anonymous said...

I think ant1 should stop at a bar after work tonight, get hammered, drive over to a liquor store, get a bottle of JD and tool about town sipping fine Kentucky Bourbon...you know, just to test his theory...

g said...

I must be the ant-ant1. I got a ticket on the way to buy my freaking tag. Cost me more than most people's dui charges. Then again, I got another ticket for 135 in a 45, but just pleaded it out and kept my license. Comes around, I guess.

seattleite said...

We don't have Yetis in the Pacific Northwest, we have Sasquatches. Yetis are in the Himalaya.

Anonymous said...

so then...if you're riding that orange bike, technically you're rubbing a klit?

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