Friday, May 8, 2009

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Firstly, it gives me great pleasure to finally announce the winner of that wacky Fat Cyclist contest. Please join me in congratulating Brad Wedemeyer:


Brad not only looks like that guy from Queens of the Stone Age, but he also looks really fit, which is bad news for me since we're going to "slay" a road ride and I'll probably get "dropped" like a new fixed-gear product. Moreover, Brad is soon to find out that my company is slightly less scintillating than that of the tree with which he is pictured, so my plan is to spike his Enervit with neuroenhancing drugs so that I'll seem more interesting. After than, we'll have lunch, at which point he will be mobbed for autographs by Queens of the Stone Age fans and I'll be left sobbing in my "Moons Over My Hammy." (Brad doesn't yet know I'm taking him to Denny's.)

Speaking of drugs, you've probably heard by now that baseball-playing guy Manny Ramirez has been suspended for doping. Now, I have no interest in baseball, partially because it's arguably an SIB (or "Sport Involving Belts"), and also because I was once knocked out by an aluminum bat at day camp and have not been right since. Nonetheless, I was especially amused by this comment from Ramirez:

Unfortunately, the medication was banned under our drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsibility. I have been advised not to say anything more for now. I do want to say one other thing; I’ve taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons. [emphasis mine]

15 drug tests in five seasons? Please. Passing three tests a year is nothing to brag about. Lance Armstrong gets tested 15 times during a single episode of "Gossip Girl." (I hear he never misses an episode.) Anyone who follows the sport of cycling knows that these baseball guys are obviously way behind the curve. If doping and drug testing were fashion, cycling would be downtown New York City and baseball would be some rural eastern European town where people have just discovered the Beatles and they're finally getting episodes of "Mister Ed." Now, don't get me wrong--I think incessant testing is absurd. However, as a jaded cycling fan who's beyond tired of the sport's obsession with doping, I'm perversely pleased that at least baseball fans now have to deal with it too.

And with that, I'm presenting you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think carefully, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know it, and if you're wrong you'll see what is either a bicycle safety PSA or an anti-LSD PSA, I'm not entirely sure which.

Ride safe this weekend, and go easy on the hallucinogens. Oh, and if you're in Minneapolis go see Stevil of HTATBL's art show (which you can enjoy with or without hallucinogens).

--BSNYC/RTMS



1) This picture, forwarded by a reader in Geneva, Switzerland, is evidence that:

--Geneva needs more bike racks
--Dutch city bikes and fixed-gears have begun to breed
--The Loch Ness Monster may have relocated, as its head is visible through that tri-spoke
--Jan Ullrich is at a nearby bakery, as this is clearly his bike





2) This bicycle is remarkable because:

--It appears to have a TTMMM (Top Tube-Mounted Mini Maglite)
--It appears to have a spare tire lodged in the spokes
--Those appear to be the very pedals on which Bernard Hinault won the Tour de France in 1985
--All of the above




3) Locking a folding bike outside is like:

--Using an eccentric rear hub on a bike with track ends
--Using a pie plate on a fixed-gear
--Riding a tandem by yourself
--All of the above



4) Good news for bicycle commuters! New York City has finally implemented a new bike lane concession program!

--True
--False




5) What are these?

--Pipe flanges
--Part of the overhead cam assembly on a 1978 Suzuki GS750
--Worn bushings from a Mavic freehub
--Some goofy bike rack in Seattle




6) Where in Canada can you find these bike racks, from which bikes can be stolen by removing a single bolt?

--Vancouver, BC
--Toronto, ON
--Banff, AB
--Buffalo, NY



7) Which is not a good reason to buy this bike, which was for sale this morning in Brooklyn?

--You often travel with a small dog
--Your Dutch city bike is too "racy"
--You're in a hurry
--Water bottle bosses mean you stay hydrated without taking up valuable basket space




8) The owner of this bike wants to trade it for a:

--90s Redline BMX
--80s Italian road bike
--Dutch city bike
--Danish cargo bike





9) Why is this car ironic?

--It's in the bike lane
--It's a New York Yankees car with New Jersey plates
--The dashboard sported an "Official MLB Urine Collection Vehicle" parking permit
--Manny Ramirez was driving


***Special Wheelbrow-Themed Bonus Question***


Which pro cyclist palps a fixed-gear with fenders?

--Christian Vande Velde
--Dave Zabriskie
--Jens Voigt
--Andy Schleck

117 comments:

Anonymous said...

YESSSSSS!

Anonymous said...

HA! Take that gondola boys!

Anonymous said...

yeow!

Anonymous said...

damn it

benjo said...

top five?

g said...

might as well read the thing now...

Bobbo said...

top 10

rezado said...

I <3 fenders

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

Tyler!

Denied; Vino's spectre looms...

Anonymous said...

Wow, Top 15 and I didn't even read it ! Yeah !

Anonymous said...

Just answer the question: "Is BSNYC (dba RTMS) negotiating to sponsor the financially-trouble Astana racing team or not?" You've already got Armstrong wearing your t-shirts, he'd be even better in a Seal of Approval jersey.

Anon 1:19 said...

for those who haven't seen gondola boys....

http://www.cyclingnews.com/photos/2009/giro09/?id=/photos/2009/giro09/teams_presentation/bettiniphoto_0037872_1_full

Also... Yay! The Giro is gonna be shown on Universal Sports Channel. Every stage live! I wonder who's announcing.

ken e. said...

lucky 13?

Anonymous said...

Seal of Disapproval Jersey.

Anonymous said...

lucky 15?

Anonymous said...

you keep getting foiled like a baked potato

Bill said...

would it be "that that baseball guy" .. i don't know. where's disgruntl'ed?

rezado said...

I want to hear the story about how you got hit with an aluminum bat.

Anonymous said...

Snobby got hit with a baked potato?

mr.complaint said...

After being driven at by cars, SUVs, and pedestrians for so many years aluminum baseball bats are a cakewalk.

But I'm as right as that guy with the "right" on the left side of his helmet.

CommieCanuck said...

Does that Wedemyerguy live in that tree? If so, does he make cookies?

Looks like he's just been typing his manifesto.

just sayin'

BikeSnobNYC said...

Rezado,

I was standing too close to the batter. It was an accident--or so they told me.

--BSNYC

Rantwick said...

Christian Vande Velde - fixed with fenders? Was that in the article somewhere? I didn't see it! Where is it! How do you know this? AAAGGGH! Wheeze, slobber...

ant1 said...

rezado - shouldn't it be "kissed upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat"?

P.S. - primus sucks.

CommieCanuck said...

..and BTW..you don't even have to remove the bolt on the bike racks, winter salt does that for you.

ken e. said...

vancouver, where the level of bike theft was already ridiculous. could use some of those ballard racks.

don't lock your bike anywhere "out of sight" on granville island.

just sayin'

"congratulations josh!"

Anonymous said...

Jolie; you go dawg!

Disgruntl Ed. said...

I missed that that that.

However:

#2: Maglite, perhaps
#6: Toronto, also
Bonus: Voigt.

Thanks for a good week. Must say I've enjoyed the ride-like quality of the posts lately. Never know where I'm going to end up.

I would not enjoy the post-like quality of a ride, however.

Mad Jack McMad said...

Boom Shanka?

ehhh...sliding further back into the peloton...

grog said...

FUNK WHIZ

Why were you standing woo close to the batter?

Rantwick said...

I once konked a guy like that with a bat. I was in the on-deck circle, warming up, and on the back-swing, KONG! He was abig dude, too. Good thing he was kind/understing big dude.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, I had a similar experience. One time when my mom was baking a cake, I stood too close to the batter, too, and I got my tongue stuck in the beater.

mander said...

Vancity resident here. Those racks are so stupid. In a lot of places they haven't even bothered to bolt them to the ground. That said, if you lock up to the fat part along the side of the rack (i.e. not to one of the skinny loops) you're asking for trouble as the security flaw in the racks is obvious. There's something to be said for common sense in this case.

Other Side of the GW said...

I'd watch out Snob. Brad looks like he is holding the tree up. Or maybe you don't have to worry if that tree falls on him.

Bill said...

stuck in the beater....hehehe.....

amazing how many times i saw kids clocked with bats that way in little league. epidemic

Test Tickle said...

92%!!!

BS - were you "kissed" upon your "cranium with an aluminum baseball bat?"

My name is Mud. Not to be confused with Test Tickle.

Test Tickle said...

damnit, ant1 beat me to the punch, as usual.

Just say yo.

Anonymous said...

Amazed but not surprised...

Anonymous said...

I've watched Jolie's AKC debut 5 times now and I keep going back to it.

Anonymous said...

I once took a foul softball in the nog and toppled down through the grid of a jungle gym i had just summited.

oh why not, "ant1st!"

Anonymous said...

I was never hit in the head with a bat, but my genitals did suffer a fast ball when I was a youth. That might explain the girth of my carriage, if you know what I mean....

Jay said...

That Fat Cyclist contest winner guy is going to reveal your identity.

CommieCanuck said...

I'm sure most writers at BuyCycling have experienced some form of head trauma. Fortunately, you can buy a helmet for that.

Buy if: You constantly piss off people armed with bats with smartass comments.

Forget it if: those little blue birds twirling around have become pets, and you enjoy finally understanding the ideology of Rush Limbaugh.

Anonymous said...

***Advertising World Coup***


The T. Hamilton Groupo has announced the signing of Manny Ramirez to a multi-year product endoesement deal worth billions. Manny's portrait will be featured on the front of T.H.G.s new pseudo-cheese theme flavoured energy and endurence enhancement snack Cheato's.

Surly Bastard said...

Glad I was well into my usual Friday afternoon acid trip for the Bicycle Safety Film. I must say I did get a little freaked out by all those monkeys being killed.

Now I'm back to watching the flying hammers drive that nail. Great shit man. I've seen it a 100 times and counting arleady ...

Am I on the podium?

Shram said...

I too got hit on a backswing because I was too close to the batter...I was playing catcher. Duh.

Snob we have so much in common, why oh why wasn't I the winner?? Maybe I should have entered...

Anonymous said...

"After than, we'll have lunch, at which point he will be mobbed for autographs by Queens of the Stone Age fans and I'll be left sobbing in my "Moons Over My Hammy.""

After that...

Anonymous said...

test

Seanywonton said...

Those are the same toothless monkeys that come into my bedroom every night and try to chew my face off. Luckily they have no teeth. They usually get tired and go back into the floorboards around sunrise.

TheTye said...

BS-

The "right answer" vids today were especially fun. I'm thinking about quiting my job just to focus on being able to Juggle-Hammer nails into the ceiling

EWING! said...

Snobby,
The link for the correct answer to #7 was blocked by my filter at work. Is it really unsafe, or is my office just overly sensitive, as usual?
Patrick

Ben Johnson said...

We have those "totally easy to steal from" racks with the triangles, too. However apparently we're smart enough to have figured out to lock our bikes to the triangles. Apparently the $1300 bike guy was not. I guess someone could unbolt the whole thing and drive away with the rack and the bikes. IMO if they're that ambitious (and strong like Superman) they can go ahead and have my bike.

Anonymous said...

EWING!

That link is NSFW (and by that, I do NOT mean New South Fucking Wales).

hillbilly said...

i wonder if the winner participates in the daily comments festivus?

stefan said...

It's nice to see that Vandevelde appreciates Canadian bicycles. He has a Cervelo AND a Mariposa. The more I learn about this guy, the more I like him and the whole Garmin team. Maybe some day Hesjedal will be a Tour contender!

Pack Phil said...

Ah Buffalo, NY, distant suburb of Toronto (with Hamilton nestled nicely in between). Grew up there. Every time I go back I like to count the helmet vs. helmetless riders. Helmetless always wins. I had to add a new category last summer--helmet-but-not-on-the-head--counted three riders riding with their helmets in their hand.

red neckerson said...

im glad to see that we done gave new yark to the dumass canadians and we need to give them maine massachewsits vermount minnesota washington both of them to them as well

i caint figure out which prescription drugs manny was on but id likes to get some too if they is legal like oxycontin is

CommieCanuck said...

Mike Barry is the Grant Petersen of Canada, but at least his prices are sane and his road bikes make sense. His son is the UCI pro who crashes all the time.

Cervelos are not Canadian, they haven't been for four years.

CommieCanuck said...

Phil..don't forget the three sub-categories of helmetless:
A) wearing a helmet backwards
B) wearing a helmet from the 1980s
C) wearing a helmet without strapping the chin

All of these are like wearing a condom in Bangkok: go ahead, but it won't do you much good.

Surly Bastard said...

I don't like the looks of that Wedemeyer dude. Wasn't his dad the dean or a frat boy in Animal House?

Just don't turn your back on him ... especially when you're getting your hammy on at Denny's.

Seanywonton said...

Can I still get a subscription to OUI magazine circa 1975? The girl is smokin'!

CommieCanuck said...

Lipstick on a pig."The dollar value of these bikes is probably at least six figures."

LOL...if you count after the decimal point.

rezado said...

I know someone who was struck upside the head with a baseball bat. This, however, was a self inflicted injury due to stupidity. My friend thought that it would be good idea to hit a basketball (orange ball, totally different sport) with a bat. For those who have never seen a basketball it is infinitely more bouncier than a baseball for which a bat is intended to kiss. when he hit the basketball the bat came flying back and hit him in the forehead. He still has a lump on his head (this happened about six years ago).


Being hit in the head with a bat explains why you dont like baseball but what about other sib's like weightlifting or competitive speed walking.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Rezado,

I was once hit by a power walker using hand weights which simultaneously destroyed my ability to enjoy either weightlifting or competitive speedwalking. Good thing she wasn't also wolfing down a hot dog or I wouldn't be able to watch competitive eating anymore either!

--RTMS

Wes said...

rezado

"For those who have never seen a basketball" - what sort of monkeys do you think you're dealing with here?

ringcycles said...

Snobbie: That was You! When I was in 2nd grade I clocked a kid in the head by swinging at a pitch. I even warned him beforehand that he was too close to the plate. But I don't remember the kids name, and it was in Wisconsin with a wooden bat, so maybe it wasn't you. Still, explains alot.

Neil said...

Vancouver doesn't have a monopoly on near-useless bike racks. Ottawa has some stellar examples as well:

http://tinyurl.com/ottawa-rack

Solidly mounted with four of these:

http://tinyurl.com/o2shqv

Renders Fenders Moot said...

I am infinitely more bouncier than anybody! I am that which is intended to kiss! Save the planet!

Renders Fenders Moot said...

Heh, 69!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Ringcycles,

Right assault, wrong bat and state.

--BSNYC

Pfaff said...

Snob, are you not afraid that this contest winner will expose your identity? Will you be wearing the chicken suit during the entire encounter (bike ride included)? Planning on adding some psychedelics to your illicit drug cocktail to render his memory of you useless as well as weird (well, weirder than it already would be of course)?

rezado said...

Knishes are the far more superior sidewalk food. This is the only thing that I miss about New York. Well, knishes and nellie bly.

Wes,

I wish you were a flying monkey so you could bring me a knish.

frilly said...

Oh, la, la, Brad. Who's the winner here?

Brad Wedmeyer said...

CommieCanuck - actually keebler was the enemy since my mom worked for nabisco.

jay - i don't plan on it. i'm worried about finding out myself. it's like when you finally see a picture of a radio dj you like. it's never the same after that.

hillbilly - rarely, but yes.

surly bastard - close. neidermeyer was the sneaky little shit. i'm much more boone than neidermeyer though.

Rantwick said...

OK, thanks to Stefan I finally paid enough attention to the picture and spotted the Mariposa, and the fender... fixed? Can anyone tell for sure?

kale said...

Snob, your wheelbrow index seems to have altered the weather patterns. I've been mudguardless for two days - and I wanted to thank you for that.

ringcycles said...

9/10. Damn, I would have sworn that DaveZ is rocking a fendered fixie. That's what would have drawn the attention of the bandits that stole his comic collection and the trophy bikes. Manny had to be doing some industrial strength horse steriods to cop to the excuse he did. I mean, he's going to be called Mr. Cialis in the club house for the rest of his "career" now.

leroy said...

"A planet where apes evolved from men? There's got to be an answer."

Ride safe all!

Anonymous said...

Wedmeyer, will you be live-blogging your encounter with BSNYC?

ant1 said...

Snob - you should let Brad do a post on his visit with you. He can Larry Kingify the pics with you in them.

Brad - Congratulations on the win. Hope you have a good time in NYC.

Bill said...

ring brings up a good point. we don't know for sure that the others are NOT palping fendered fixes, or fendixies, as i will call them from this moment on

rezado said...

Anyone,

Speaking of making photos safe for work. Who is the opinionated cyclist who accompanied Larry King in order to clean up the fuck at the lbs?

Anonymous said...

VELONEWS: Headlines
Friday 13th, November 2009


CYCLIST HAS EYES ON A FIXXY:
Missing cyclist Brad Wedemeyer was found wandering sightless, pushing a fixed gear bicycle around Brooklyn in the early morning hours like something out of a bad Freddy Kreuger movie.

Mr Wedemeyer, who disappeared last May, also appeared to have had his tongue cut out & superglued along with his eyeballs to the top tube of his bike. When asked by Police Officer Paya Stana, who was first on the scene, who could have perpetrated such a heinous crime, Mr Wedemeyer was heard to reply, "Anna-nana-nana-na".

Police plan to have Mr Wedemeyer write down any information he can provide when his badly damaged fingers heal enough to hold a pen.

Until such time, the only clues appear to be "messages" printed on the wheels. One stated "All you haters can suck my eyeballs" & the other stated "Now them's sum reel fuggin hipster cysts: signed, red".
Police speculate this last phrase was utilized to throw them off the trail of the real perpetrator.

---in other news---

IDENTITY, SMENDITY, WHO REALLY KNOWS:
Famed blogger & Buycycle Magazine writer Bike Snob NYC still manages to protect that wonderfully ironic persona & secret identity that he fashioned & turned into a vast money making enterprise. We here at VeloNews not only applaud his efforts but think that the man is a cut-up & a cut above.
BTW, Snobby, how did that wacky Fat Cyclist contest back in April work out?

---special feature tomorrow---

CYCLING PISS COLLECTORS: Is this a job for you?

Anonymous said...

This could only happen in America
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SPGaMM_94M

jolene said...

that hippie in the tree look like he done take a shower and got hisself a job that mite be the tipe of man fer me if he aint not too much a woosie in the sack i caint do no woosies hew cry after wordes

well that hapens a lot the next mornin but thats not what im talking regards

Wes said...

rezado

Youtube him. And prepare to be very bored.

I'll get that knish over to you directly, soon as I can find my greaseproof Crumpler.

rossannarossannadanna said...

I don't understand why all these bike racers keep getting busted for 'doping'. I tried 'doping' once before a bike race. First I missed the start, then I made a wrong turn and ended up at the crispy creme. Rossanna danna thinks 'dopers' should be given a time bonus instead of a suspension.

sprider said...

Where's BGW???

Bill said...

didn't he say he was visiting family or vacation or something?

Anonymous said...

Ant1, apparently BGW is visiting his ancestral home, and everybody knows that those backwaters up in Canada don't have reliable internet service.

Keith said...

Hello,

I own bike number 2, and I can tell you that it is all of the above!

Look out for those pedals on ebay real soon, I had no idea of their provenance! :p

Woohoo I'm (my bike is) famous!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Brad Wedmeyer, what is the opening bid on your auction of your "Meet the Snob" dream vacation package?

rezado said...

The opinionated cyclist is a moron.Is he trying to ride bsnyc's coat tales to youtube stardom? I thought the snob was leaking his likeness before wedmeyer could.
Silly me.

Convolgulous said...

All very amusing, thank you!

red neckerson said...

me and ricky figured this out

give califoricatia to the mezkins

give maine verminmount massichewsits new hampster new yark new jersey fuck yaah delawear illinoance minnesody wisconsin wahsington both of em and orygon to the damm canadians

give south florida back to cuber

youd have a pretty damm good country left over id make brad paisley president and carrie underwood vice president and that julianne hottie secretary of state she aint no reel country singer but she aint ruff on the eyes neither

and id make owning a fixie an offense punishable by castrication

thats why they call em fixies aint it

leroy said...

Looks left ....

leroy said...

Looks right ....

leroy said...

Zips up jersey, raises hands ...

100!

****

Is it just me or does that bike safety video make you want to proclaim:

"Oh my God. I'm back. I'm home. All the time, it was... We finally really did it. You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"

On second thought, maybe it's just me.

leroy said...

Actually, now it's 100.

I was practicing this move:

http://tiny.cc/De5B6

palping in public said...

101st!

Anonymous said...

not quite track ends, but worth the mention:
http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/bik/1161152431.html

Anonymous said...

Damn I want a Mariposa...

ps. Commie Canuck

Michael doesn't crash all the time, but he did have that one famous picture, and he did finish the stage.

http://michaelbarry.ca/pages/photos_full/16P1.htm

Anonymous said...

RE: doping and anti-lsd cycling safety. In 1947, when Albert Hoffman invented LSD, he took some and went out for a bike ride, during his ride he started tripping. So you got the first admitted doping in cycling, first (hallucinatory) aero spokes, and he made it home safely too. Also, LSD is not something you can test for in blood or urine.

Luck E. Seven said...

Pass!!

Woulda been here sooner, but I was doping and got stuck at the Crispy Creme. I was watching the UGLIEST chick I've ever seen swallow donuts in one bite while doing a really bad Gilda impersonation.

Also, BGW is with me. He won the significantly less-publicized "Meet Luck E. Seven" contest. As the winner, he paid for his own ticket to my fair city, was secretly dosed, and then rode a rented Townie on all our singletrack until he puked Mint Juleps while dressed in a giant bunny costume. Afterward, we went to the donut shop.

Of his fair fortune, BGW merely has this to say:

". . . "


A

Anonymous said...

Drugs make everything better.

Anonymous said...

Just try refreshing if it gives you an error, and change your bongwater.

bikesgonewild said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

VELONEWS: Headlines
Saturday May 8th, 2009
GIRO STARTS
Tour of Italy starts today.

---in other news---

BOONEN'S BACK
Tommy B was looking to keep his 'nose' in the news & once again achieved his goal. Like his finale around the Roubaix Velodrome, Mr Boonen is quickly going from Crown Prince to Clown Prince with his latest actions.

In a scheduled news conference, Mr Boonen said, "Hey, there's not enough room on my back for you guys & my monkey, so why don't you guys get off !!!"
Mr B went on to say "Now I have to act all contrite & apologetic & miss some races but the truth is 'I am Tom & i am Special'. Face it. I am a World Champion, I am a big Classics winner. I am a hero in my country & young chicks dig me & believe me, nothing impresses them more than me & a bag of coke. I mean, right after this years Paris-Roubaix win I had a wild night with three 15 year old chicks & a trained ferret that was record breaking..."

At this point, Mr Boonen was quickly cut off by his lawyer who was seen pulling out his own hair & choking over the words "Tommeke, Tommeke, Tommeke, oh my God, no, no, no !!!After the news conference Mr Boonen was casually chatting with this reporter when he stated, "My friend Lance could have been hanging with some better looking bitches than the skanks he was prubbing the last few years if he'd tried a little of the old pedal powder. I mean sheesh, man, give me a break !!!"---in other cycling news---

GIRO GOES ON TOMORROW
More cycling, same stuff.

CommieCanuck said...

first..jew get de money..den, jew get de power.. and den..den..dey call jew Prince of de Cobbles...


Poor Tommy.

Katie said...

BSNYC - I'm sure you already know about this, and I'm equally sure this would be SUPER useful for somebody living in crowded NYC, so here it is: You could probably easily win a free Madsen Bucket Bike (unless Fat Cyclist won it first), and boy would that make a great post. Details: http://www.madsencycles.com/contest/

ccna said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
ccent

Brad Wedemeyer said...

i'm not planning on live or dead (thanks velonews) blogging anything. i would however love to "Larry Kingify" something, but i don't think a trip to snob's place is in the plans.

wishiwasmerckx - i've already sent in the urine samples and started the required background checks so i don't think it's transferable anymore.

Anonymous said...

For those that missed the connection, Mike Barry's dade maked Mariposas.
Dede Demet won a world cup on one a few years back.

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