Wednesday, April 15, 2009

This Just In: BSNYC Used As Bait!



If you're a reader of the "Bloggie Award"-winning Fat Cyclist blog (I'm not sure what a "Bloggie" is but I think it's the Canadian term for "snot rocket"), you probably know by now that he's just announced a contest wherein the winner will travel to New York City and meet me. If you're not a reader of the Fat Cyclist blog, it's a comedy cycling blog written by a guy named Fat Cyclist who just announced a contest wherein the winner will travel to New York City and meet me.

I'm flattered that Fat Cyclist thinks anybody would want to meet me. Rest assured that I myself do not labor under the misapprehension that people want to meet me, but apparently Fatty does, and it's his contest. Furthermore, the contest is for a good cause, so who am I to deny him? Plus, when you really think about it, the contest isn't about me--it's about a free trip to New York City. Maybe you've never been here, or you have a friend or relative you'd like to visit. So even if you don't want to meet me, you should still enter the contest, and I'm happy to leave you alone for the duration of your stay if you'd like. And, if you don't want to travel to New York City for any reason or meet me but do want a BSNYC smock, you've got the opportunity to win one of those too.

But if you do want to come to New York City and meet me for some reason and get a smock, rest assured I'll be happy to receive you and I'll do my best to be a gracious host. Fatty's done a good job of outlining the parameters on his site, but I would like to add that while I don't know what we'll do together I'm willing to work with you and tailor something based on your personal interests. (Unless your personal interests are repugnant and offensive to me. I'm looking at you, triathletes!) Just a few things I can think of off the top of my head are:

--We can go for a road ride (you should probably bring your own bike);
--We can go for an offroad ride (you should probably bring your own bike);
--We can ride around the city and look at stuff (you should probably bring your own bike though you're welcome to rub my Scattante. I realize that sounds disgusting, but rest assured it just means I'll lend you my Empire State Courier);
--We can make prank phone calls to "Bicycling" magazine;
--We can fire up the BSNYC/RTMS Wednesday Afternoon Recreation Kit and procrastinate;
--You could help me do my laundry;
--We can go see the hit Broadway musical "Mamma Mia!," provided you pay. I will then excuse myself to go to the restroom as soon as the curtain goes up and you will never, ever see me again;
--Beach party!!!

Anyway, if you think my taking part in this contest smacks of shark-jumping, I'd argue that a "charitable collabo" is not the same as shark-jumping. Plus Fatty was once a Mormon missionary, and I think he did some kind of mind control thing on me. (He's all affable on his blog, but in real life he's evil like Harry Dean Stanton on "Big Love." I on the other hand am evil on my blog, but am affable yet moody in real life like Harry Dean Stanton in "Pretty in Pink.") And if you do decide to enter the contest, I wish you the best of luck, and I promise you a trip to New York City you'll never remember.

125 comments:

jcssurf said...

winner!

Jared said...

2

mt t-o-double-deez said...

derppp!

Anonymous said...

DID I MAKE IT?

Anonymous said...

Obviously, then, you need to have a contest to send one of your readers to Utah to bother Fatty. I'd suggest you send Commiecanuck.

Klaus Mohn said...

top dix!

Anonymous said...

fruits

Anonymous said...

DID I MAKE IT?

Anonymous said...

smoke

jcssurf said...

BS-

I'm going to be in NY in a few weeks. Can we hang out then? What bars do you frequent? I'll bet you stick out like a sore perineum.

Anonymous said...

DAMN IT!

Anonymous said...

wait a second, isn't this old news? i remember seeing a trip to meet you offered on FC around the same time as he got bob roll to shave his head for his charity? has something changed, or are you recycling your headlines?

tom said...

Top twenty-at last

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:27pm,

He may have mentioned it was going to happen but now it's actually happening so now we're announcing it. I'm not sure that constitutes recycling.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

That kit looks awesome. sadante.

dingle said...

Get the BSNYC/RTMS Wednesday Afternoon Recreation Kit u-locked and loaded, I'm in it to win it!

Anonymous said...

jcsurf, sticks out like thealphastates clam.

Bill said...

brilliant as always, just one question, what's a paramenter?

g said...

Is it possible to combine items on the list? I think going for a road ride, throwing a load of laundry in, firing up the WARK, prank calling Bicycling and then riding the Scattante over to a bar near where Mamma Mia is playing and having a few beachy pina coladas sounds like time well spent to me.
Sign me up.

When it's over it's over, drink up. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BikeSnobNYC said...

Bill,

It's a secondary menter.

--RTMS

Anonymous said...

line 26, paramenters?
yeah, I read it.

I want to see a contest where I can through sausages at the Opinionated Cyclist.

I have to go now, Mothers' calling.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Inquiring minds would like to know -- Will you wear a lone ranger mask? Will you speak only from behind a backlit opaque screen? Will you hire a body double? Will you scramble your voice? Will you hold the contest winner's Bubbie hostage as security that he does not rat you out?

OR, are you going public, with this as your coming-out party?

When it's over it's over, drink up. said...

Can you and I teabag some toptubes together? You know how I love that and if I can bag them there I'll bag them anywhere, it's up to you New York, New York

crimerider said...

snobby, i only want to visit new york and hang out if we can fish for lane-salmon. promise this and i will sign up immediately, and get my rod and lure ready. um, what do lane salmon find tasty and attractive?

ant1 said...

ant1st!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Crimerider,

Sounds good--strangely, they eat lox.

When It's Over...,

You bag, I'll take pictures from a safe distance and pretend I don't know you.

--RTMS

Anonymous said...

If I win or if we can just meet, I'll settle for a trip to the Carnegie Deli. Deal?

Anonymous said...

hot topic should get the blogerazzi excited I bet 175 by evening

ringcycles said...

A chance to palp the Scattante? And perhaps ride around gotham putting "seal of disapproval" stickers on the whips of 20ish faux messenger hipsters? How could any of your dear readers resist?!

Anonymous said...

Snobby - meeting you would be great and all, but if Fatty really wants to raise some funds, he should have mentioned the chance to ride your Empire State. Oops, that doesn't exactly read like I wanted it to, but, what the hell, it's funnier than what I was going for. Maybe I should post this as anonymous, let y'all guess who posted it.

WheelDancer said...

First line, "... Canadian term for snot rocket" had me rolling on the floor. I was hoping the offering would be a full BSNYC Team Kit, not to say the smock isn't great, but I'm thinking the folks at Twin Six could set you up in fine style. Just think you could offer Approve or Disapprove fit rather than Team or Club fit. I'm assuming a clothing line is the next shark jumping on your itinerary.

JDogg said...

I'm in it to win it!

Just glad I don't have to fly from JFK to LGA to get to Brooklyn.

Bill said...

as a member of team fatty, shouldn't we get preferential treatment? like intentionally rigging the contest for me or something? i don't actually want to meet you (no offense) and don't want a trip to ny (like in bklyn) but a smock would be nice

Anonymous said...

inbreds

ant1 said...

Snob - When I win the contest, will you promise not to reveal my identity? I'd like to maintain my anonymity in case I want to undertake some anonymous project down the road.

Thanks in advance,

antonymous

Mental Yentl said...

I just want to win the schmata.

Oysh.

Justin said...

Well there goes this paycheck. Lance better appreciate the donation.

Anonymous said...

You live in Park Slope and do your own laundry?

Test Tickle said...

i'm just waiting to meet you in Durango. you know what I am referring to BS. don't act like you don't.

ant1 said...

Yeah, I can't believe I'm actually donating money to lance's slush fund. Damn Fatty.

WIN SUSAN!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Antonym,

Of course--complete discretion is assured.

Anonymous 1:05pm,

Sure, but if you order the "Hamalot" sandwich at $22.95 we're charging it to the Mormon.

--BSNYC

Stuggy said...

Anon 1:17-

Frilly, is that you?

Johnny Sprocket said...

Great comp! However, as I've spent most of my spare pre-recession money on NJS upgrades and fixed gear edition, t-shirts, I won't have much for accommodation. Any chance I can couch surf for a few weeks? My budget could stretch to a few six packs of cheap beer and I can cook a pretty cood chili? You know any girls we could invite over?

bikesgonewild said...

...i'm thinkin' a scattantrip in from brooklyn, crosstown up n' over to 79th & b-way, grab some fresh h&h sesame's, some whole wheat's, maybe a coupla poppy seeds (i got no upcoming urine tests to worry about), cross the street to zabar's, grab some egg smears, maybe a little smoked white fish or, hey, their duck leg confit is real tasty & definitely not so fatty & rich as their foie gras...that shit's too much for my taste...
...anyway, couple a dr brown's to slake the thirst, a wedge of queso cabre w/ some apples for desert...
...quick pedal over past the dakota (damn, miss ya, john) to the park for a sitdown nosh & later a slow wending through town & (you chose which bridge) back to brooklyn...

...ok, i guess i better get my entry in w/ eldon...i've made myself hungry for some good nyc deli...

grog said...

You like hamalot?
I ride for a different charity: www.curePSP.org
Brooklyn is my favorite city, I'll be there soon, and I want a smock.

Bill said...

looks like these 2 might have some free time, maybe they will come to NYC to meet you

Boonen and McEwen hurt in crash

ant1 said...

Dominique took McEwen & co out. He was sick of people talking shit about canada on this comments page.

DOMI NATE

Matt Boulanger said...

If I win, we'll certainly have to take a scattantrip.

I'll bring my own Scattante. I palped it to work this very morning.

http://re-turn.blogspot.com/2009/04/bike-project-completion.html

Daddo said...

are there any special devices - legal or otherwise- you'll use to keep the winner from blowing your identity?

ant1 said...

Daddo - I think he's got one of those red laser thingies from men in black. Not sure if it's legal or not though.

Jim said...

Wow. This contest is mildly insane, like Harry Dean Stanton in Repo Men.

It's also weird seeing two normally divergent blog worlds collide. Nicest cycling ecumenicist on the web crashes into snarkiest cycling purist on the web... filmy material at 11:00.

frilly said...

Stuggy that wasn't me but if I win, it'll be a trip to New York City that Snobby will never forget.

Snob, get your mankini freshened up for a little lap swimming at the Y, then we can head over to the park for a nice run, and then, hey, what size is your Empire State anyway?

bikesgonewild said...

...if ya won, why the hell would ya wanna blow his identity ???...

...you'd become an cycling internet pariah...the 'john wilkes booth' of bicycling blog-dom, forever an outcast...

..."hey, backstabber, get outa my bikeshop if yer not buyin'...we don't need yer "kind" hangin' around...in fact, if ya wanna buy shit, try craigslist, you alpacalyptic fool...bwahahahaha"...

...so, i'm just sayin' it could get ugly...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Daddo,

The Lounging Kit should leave you sufficiently befuddled.

--BSNYC

Philboy said...

I don't know. You're my hero and all and I want one of those lounging smocks BAD and sure I'll spring for pastrami sandwiches and PBRs but like the wizard of oz says, "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain". I think he meant you Snobby. Maybe I could crooze Utah with Fatty instead?

Anothercanuck said...

On my commute I am sure to blow my bloggies out when no cars are near (to not gross out the drivers) -- Just another polite Canadian

innerlighter said...

What I'd like to do, if I win, is sit in on one of your blog writing sessions and do a "collabo" wherein I get to insert something random every fifth word.

Kind of like a BSNYC Mad Lib.


or Meh Lib, if you prefer

red neckerson said...

if jolene wins shell blow more than just yor identity

g said...

So the winner could, in effect, start a whole new career running 'Snob in the City' tours for mid-western fixters. "...and on your left is where you may recall, a cycling commuter with his ass crack only barely obscured by the strap on his 'messenger' bag hawked a bloggie in the RTMS' general direction." "oohh" [out of focus camera snap]
"... and we're pedalling, we're pedalling..."

it's funnier in my head, trust me.

dwight moody said...

In real life, I'm a cold blooded yet honorable stick-up man like Harry Dean Stanton in 20 bucks.

ringcycles said...

Looks like the thrill of the contest has brought out the best in Snobbie's readership. If I get to the deli with BS, I'll get the wurst out of him. But how will any of us now it is truly the real Snob? Look-a-like's could be legion

frilly said...

All right Red. Here I was trying to keep it clean.

Snobby, amendment to previous comment. Really all I wanna do, if I win, is some Wednesday lounging, smock optional.

Daddo said...

btw...
I may just be in the same room as the Snob some time in the next week. He and I are on the same invitation to a thing.

Snob: I'll be the guy in the lounging smock. (so you'll know who to avoid)

Luck E. Seven said...

Hmmmm...

My own WARK use seems to have left me strangely befuddled. Lemme see if I have this straight...

So if I give Lance Armstrong a fiver, I might win a flight to anywhere (as long as I fly with my mouth open) that might end up in NYC? Do I have to trackstand the entire flight?

Then I get to find my way to wherever you are among 8.4 million townsfolk with no other description than "I think he kinda looks like that drunk Zed dude from those MIB flicks"??

Once I locate you (probably swatting at bike salmon like flies with your Rapha cravat and downing Orange Julii), I get to MEET you?? Then we get further WARK'ed, leave temple, make (smocks-optional) prank calls, and go for a ride along the Great Billyburg Silk Route??

Finally, after all the festivities have concluded, I will be free to convert the aircraft carrier bike rack into my own "green" shelter until such time that I decide to fly open-mouthed to somewhere else?

Far out, man!! That all sounds pretty cool. Do you think you can show me how to get the pie plate offa my bong too? Solid.

Wow, I really need somadat Easter candy.


A

ant1 said...

Was that you Snobby?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30230780/

Nicholas Baker said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DrBaker said...

Could the plane ticket be instead used to fly BikeSnob out to beautiful Portland, OR to make fun of all of the hipsters and what not in their native environment? I have a couch.

Strayhorn said...

Dude, if your visitor turns out to be particularly heinous and you need to blow town, catch Amtrak to Chapel Hill. We can watch the student radicals and their hip faculty friends trash another politician's lecture.

DrBaker said...

And by native environment, I mean other native environment. I understand that Williamsburg is the true Mecca des Hipsterix.

Anonymous said...

you sad bike bloggers will be hosting your own award ceremonies next, like in the hairdressing trade.

Hairdressers said...

Or porn.

The Brooklyn Fritz said...

BSNYC Beware! This is a plot to unmask your secret identity!

And what about those of us who already live in Brooklyn and want to meet you? I've been contemplating hanging out on the Yuppieberg or maybe at the goose run in PPark until you show up on Orange Julie with your Instamatic so I can hound you for an autographed BSNYC top-tube pad...

Hey! Wait a minute! I have a better idea! I volunteer to protect your identity by masquerading as you to meet the winner of the Fat-off. Waddayasay?

Norman said...

Warning! Vorsicht! Embarasado!

If you decide on the lunch date: RTMS will pretend to be a vegan with diverticulosis. And he won't finish the HJ.

BikeSnobNYC said...

The Brooklyn Fritz,

No one, but no one will be masquerading as me.

--BSNYC

BikeSnobNYC said...

"BikeSnobNYC,"

Awesome. Way to post as me. Well done.

--BSNYC

The Brooklyn Fritz said...

Haha! Nice try, Snobby. That was really you masquerading as someone else masquerading as you.

CommieCanuck said...

you can cheat on the friday quizzes by hovering the mouse over the answers and reading the url from the status bar.

Anonymous said...

Ant1,
I am sure she didn't step off the sidewalk, directly into the path of the oncoming cyclist or anything.

CommunardQuebecois said...

Commiecanuck just figured out what everybody else has known for ages.

ant1 said...

that was a fake commiecanuck

bikesgonewild said...

...lying, cheating, stealing, exposing !!!...it's sad enough that we all spend so much time here but all this on top of it ???...

...despicable...

LanceArmstrong said...

They are all working for me. Haha.

The Real Fake Floyd said...

FU*? ME!

Luck E. Seven said...

Lance,

Can I get my fiver back? I didn't like the taste of that yellow livestrong licorice you sent. It was too chewy.


A

Anonymous said...

again this secret identity bull wont last anyways. after all, his actual name had ben mentioned atleast twice in comments sections on other blogs and not erased.
maybe just leave the guy alone... i enjoy his blog either way. i just worry what happens when the OC knows who he is...

Jobst Brandt said...

some secretive person wrote:
>...despicable...

No!

Jobst Brandt

Anonymous said...

what a wonderful internet community we are *congratulating self* *sigh*

crimerider said...

unoant!

it brings up a great question to ponder; if you were given the opportunity, which celebrity would you most enjoy running down with your bike? on accident, of course.

Anonymous said...

Dick Van Dyke

Anonymous said...

snob,

you see the Anvil documentary yet?
Pretty good though felt like a VH1 thingy.

Also all of the celeb rockers comments in it seemed a bit forced...

Their lyrics though, kick Spinal Taps lyrics in the ass.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip28kql6bUg

Wes said...

Stuggy

My thoughts also. And now that we know it isn't, I think I feel a little bit sick.

Anonymous said...

check out the tats
http://www.worldwidefred.com/4x2.htm

bsnyc approved?!?

Anonymous said...

FUCK TATS

Anonymous said...

knuckle freak

Anonymous said...

WINS USAN

Anonymous said...

"WINS USAN"

I used my thumbs.

Anonymous said...

It's like this Snob.

Bluenoser said...

Snobbie,

You wouldn't want me to win Fatty's contest. You'd be bored, I'd be riding my bike out front wanting to see things, you'd be wheel sucking and I'd have to blow my nose.

It wouldn't be pretty.

100.

-B

suziwong said...

BSnob: make your own contest where the winner gets to go out to Utah and visit Fatty. The Salt Flats are the best place in the world to practice your skids.

leroy said...

So if I live in NYC, the prize is a T-shirt and an airplane trip out of town?

This sounds suspiciously like the prize my parents told me I'd won when I was 16.

Only it was a bus ticket.

And there was no T-shirt.

And they entered the witness protection program while I was gone.

But I guess I'll enter this.

It's for a good cause and who wouldn't want to borrow a Scattante from a guy in a chicken suit?

jessica said...

i am totally paying five dollars for the chance to rub one out (a bike ride) with bsnyc
not even a definitive
xo

libertyonbikes! said...

i'm just confused.
so fatty states you travel alot.
but even in the east,
riding over a bridge every day,
doesn't really count as traveling,
somethings fishy,
and i don't mean bike lane swimming
fishy.

maybe you have to leave the on campus dorms on holidays?
i guess that could be travel...

or are YOU the dark overlord?
snob, the vp of pacific cycle?
or head of marketing @ performance?
oh the irony if it were true...

Anonymous said...

I can finally donate to Lance and not feel like an idiot wearing a stupid yellow wristband. All those years of refusal just to dump my life savings at the mere chance of meeting the Snob!

Anonymous said...

Snob, have you seen this article yet? http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/16/fashion/16CODES.html

Can't wait to read your reaction to this one...

7sp said...

Oh God how I wish Opinionated Cyclist wins.

mikeweb said...

Wow Snobbie! Hats off for possibly subjecting yourself to all manner of 'inappropriate touching' and other indignities for a good cause.

*and* for chances of only $5 each? That's what I call a cheap date.

BTW, what's your take the pink plastic lunch box and other paraphenalia hanging from the MannyHatty bridge fence this a.m.?

Rantwick said...

Snob, I can hardly believe you're willing to risk your anonymity in this way! Since it's for Fatty and Cancer research, good for you.

Bill said...

mikeweb - how did i miss that?! maybe it was cleaned up by 930? which side?

mikeweb said...

Bill, it was on the so called 'bike side' (north side) tied up to the fence in the Brooklyn tower double expansion joint bump slash 'rest stop' area. I passed by at about 7:50.

leroy said...

Oh great, I take the Brooklyn Bridge this morning and miss the free lunch box give away on the Manhattan Bridge.

Maybe I can get a T-Shirt reading "Someone got a free lunch box on the Manhattan Bridge but all I got was Scorched Eyeball Syndrome ("SES") riding behind some cyclist exposing more crack than that You Tube video of the guy who used to be on ALF."

Too wordy?

Bill said...

ah, the cracklyn bridge. i don't think so leroy, i'd buy one.

Wade said...

I think you should take the winner to ride around the loop in Prospect Park, again and again and again, a quintessential cycling ritual in Brooklyn and then go hang out at the Manhattan entrance of the Williamsburg Bridge bike path and smoke and engage in whimsical pranks and light posturing. After that, search for the Grand Street bike path under the layers of soot and trash and reflect on the impotence of painted demarcations.

Seanywonton said...

Here's a little bikewear fashion show from the NY Times

http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2009/04/15/fashion/20090416-codes-slideshow_index.html

Bobbo said...

Pony up for this

jake bellacera said...

I couldn't agree more, I love the simple fixed-gears, not the totally blown out "I-dropped-a-couple-g's-into-this-baby" fixed-gears with the HED discs.

http://pixolia.net/

GermanPrince said...

Free Games at ROBLOX. Check out what I have been building lately!

Anonymous said...

Awesome

Eugene said...

COOL

Hottie said...

Really

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