Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The BSNYC Tuesday Fashion Fun Quiz!

Part of the reason bicycles have become so popular recently is that more and more people are discovering that doing tricks on them or simply hanging around near them can be easier and more enjoyable than actually riding them. Consequently, they don't need to wear garments like bib shorts, jerseys, and cycling shoes, and companies both new and old are rushing to clothe these people in the leisure wear that's more suited to their riding style. In fact, cycling seems to be joining those less physically demanding activities I like to call SIBs--or Sports Involving Belts. These sports don't require serious technical garments. Instead, they simply require slightly modified street clothes. The three best examples of SIBs are fishing, bowling and golf.

Like me, you may occasionally have trouble telling the difference between what I call cycling leisure wear and golf clothes. Following are some ambiguous photos of clothing articles. Each one is marketed towards either cyclists or golfers. Just look at the picture, think, and click on the pastime for which you think the garment is intended. If you're right, you'll see the garment. If you're wrong, you'll see the admonishing and stylishly coiffed visage of cycling fashion plate Mario Cipollini. Good luck.

Sure, "this classic argyle zip mock will keep you warm and stylish," but will it keep you warm and stylish on the bike or on the links?


Think carefully--for which activity would a tweed hat be more appropriate?

This large-brimmed cap is named after an African American pioneer in a traditionally white sport. But which sport?

"The fusion between a classic street and _____ shoe find a sweet spot - The Jetsetter."

Lion of Flanders? Or just a lion?

Spats! After all, it's 2007.

"Material: 51% Cotton / 45% Polyester / 4% Elastane. _____ logo on left thigh, back welt pockets with inner loops and fastening, teflon coated overlay on lower back legs for hem protection."



"Belt loops with 7" elastic strip added in back waistline... This will be your favorite pair!"




Are you more likely to find this $25 piece of material designed to protect a long piece of metal in a bike shop or a pro shop?




Perhaps a Parrot said...


Sprocketboy said...

I don't see any overly tight $400 jeans here...

Anonymous said...

Wow... did I win?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

damn photo finish at 12:07

dopers rule!

I think Shimano makes all that shit

Anonymous said...

top ten!!

Anonymous said...


Sprocketboy said...

I think spats are a simply ripping idea. I like to wear mine while riding on the tandem with Jeeves. Hip hip! It's enough to fog your monocle!

Anonymous said...

Damn, that was actually eighth.

clayton said...

one genuine comment? seriously? this is getting ridiculous.

gttim said...

Cipollini was rocking a Jheri curl? No wonder they used to call him the Love Rollercoaster!

Perhaps a Parrot said...

I'd like to thank my sponsors, and BSNYC for promoting this great event...

Chris said...

this is getting dangerously close to curmudgeonly! paging mr brandt, your successor is here..

erik k said...

how is using a Clemente Guard to protect your top tub from untaped bars cooler than doing something sensible like actualy warping your handle bars in bar tape?

Scott said...

Cipollini continues to haunt my dreams.

At first I thought that the spats might have been a trendy way to serve the function of gaiters. I was, of course, wrong. Waxed canvass may have passed as water-resistant fabric in 1850, but today it's just crap in the rain.

Anonymous said...

please read

hakalugi said...

could those spats be any more precious?

Strayhorn said...

Geebus, I only made 50%. Guess I need to spend more time hanging around the outside tables of Weaver Street in my cycling clothes.

About that hat:

My consumer stupidity - let me show it to you.

SkidMark said...

I'd buy one of the top tube protectors from clementecycles if they told me the leather was made from 100% genuine NYC ratdogs

Will said...

I was surprised not to find more jests at todays awful batch of fashion-fixies, as posted on fixed gear gallery. I'm not let down or anything, but still, there were some terrible bikes up there today. As I type this, though, I'm realizing that there must be a point where even shooting fish in a barrel becomes boring.

Anonymous said...

i would buy one of those clement tt guards if it was njs approved and available in pink or neon yellow

Bertie Wooster said...

Sproketboy, its "pip pip" but true dat on the sentiment. What what.

gator joe said...

Missed 3...damn. That poor model at Fabric Horse looks emaciated...someone give her a cheeseburger.
Hey snob, nice product placement; I would have never found those sites by myself. I like the little wool caps; very sporty. And the top tube protector, wow. I guess I can throw away may old wash cloth held in place with tape. Thanks.
Stay warm.

Anonymous said...

don't football and baseball players where belts?

Anonymous said...

gator joe
how about a maxi pad wrap in cellophane and duct tape?

Anonymous said...

belt, and a cup - hey, I think we're on to something here!

gator joe said...

Hey anonymous 12:57,

I can't be wasting pads that way...I like chewing on 'em too much as I go down the road.

Evershed said...

messenger pants are so ugly. anybody who wears them is not my friend

dennis said...

The argyle sweater with a zip collar really was a trick, thougth for sure that was a new style for hipsters. I flunked badly, even the bonus was hard, a freakin' top tube protector that looks like a golf grip?
Funny blog Snob, keep writing, and riding.....cheers!

Anonymous said...

The Major Tailored -- "Grey undervisor with premium embroidery taking cues from the Sugino Super Mighty."

Don't these guys realized the Sugino Super Mighty was a cheap knock off of the Campy NR crank?

Oh, I forgot. Its NJS!

SpatsHeadKickerGuy said...

SPAT?!?!? Just who do I kick in the head for that one?

aaron said...

Spats -- no shit! I have a pair left over from a Halloween costume several years ago. I bet I could make killing on Craigslist NYC!

Anonymous said...

The first few were tough for me, but then I ran the table. I kind of like the bonus item.

Karl Rover said...

Brilliant! I thought the first one was another Jonathon Vaughters creation, but alas it was just golf. Great post as always.

Jack Casey said...

for realz, those spats are the shit. as much as i love riding fixed i've really been bummed since i outgrew my favorite size 0 diesels that I stole from a chick i used to bang.

running a 48 x 17 exclusively fixed has made my calves and thighs too huge for those jeans :(

it took a lot of work to find a plaid anodized NJS approved 42t chainring in a 144. i really thought lopping off a few gear inches would help but even riding on the flats i felt so stupid with my legs spinning like a blender.

Anonymous said...

oh smilin jack casey... who knew that the quicksilver puns would never stop...

scogordo said...

Kinda dig the lion buckle, but riding with it would be like seppukku.

Also, associating Cipo with a 'wrong' fashion response just doesn't seem right. Eurotrashy? Unquestionably. But that guy searched for the outlandish just to prove that he could pull it off.


Anonymous said...

don't forget about baseball as an SIB

Freepotato said...

Cipo might actually wear that lion belt... but as a headband... and only if they made the lion three feet tall...

Anonymous said...

Those spats give me bad memories of Navy bootcamp. That was the most boring 8 weeks and 3 days of my life.

Anonymous said...

if i saw a cute girl riding a bike wearing those spats i would die of happiness. i also ride my bike wearing two dollar wool slacks and tennyshoes, so what do i know? nothing? or maybe i just can't afford a $200 bike outfit after spending all my money on my bikes.

leroy said...

I always thought SIB stood for Sports Involving Beer.

Golf, fishing, bowling ... you have to drink beer while doing them. It's required.

If you didn't, you might begin to wonder why chasing a little white ball around somebody's back yard, sitting in the hot sun for hours, or trying to impress the opposite sex while wearing a shirt with your name on the pocket (snazzy shoes notwithstanding) seemed like good ideas when you started.

And we all recognize the wisdom of "If you give a man a fish, he'll eat for one day. But if you teach a man to fish, he'll drink beer all day in his buddy's bass boat."

So unlike cycling.

You can't drink beer while cycling.

Safety requires both hands on the handlebars. What would one's friends say if one dropped a long neck in a pace line?

Even if one uses a camel back, one has to be mindful of the adage "You don't buy beer, you only rent it." Offloading decanted and digested spirits while riding in a group is bad manners.

Nope, you just can't drink beer while riding.

Afterwards, of course, is a different story.

broomie said...

Anon 12:57

Baseball isn't a sport, its a game or as alcoholic sportswriters like to say "past-time" You can tell the difference between a sport and a game by whether you can smoke cigarettes or a pipe while doing it. The sports with belts angle is good. I like it. I think you can also define them as sports with one glove.
Criterium or track=sport
Standing next to your bike in a parking lot=game
Baseball/softball/tball, golf= Michael jackson gloves, belts and beer in the dugout/cart; game
Basketball seems like a game but there are no belts, smokes or one handed gloves so I guess its sport.
Duck hunting and fishing= the pipe says it all.
Synchronized swimming= surprise! its a sport.
Football= hmm, those little belts seem to say game but since you can break your neck and most players wear 0 or 2 gloves; sport.

broomie said...

Leroy, Re: Beer while riding

While don't recommend doing it, I must respectfully disagree about drinking and riding.

A true roadie has mastered the art of peeing off the bike. With shorts you simply roll them down, point a knee and your unit to the right in the States or to the left in Europe and let go. (I can't do this, myself because it sometimes gets caught in the chain.) With bibs, you'll notice the high end ones are cut low in the front, just pull it out.
Triathletes just pee though the shorts, be sure to splash some water and don't let it run in your shoe.

Anonymous said...

I really don't understand why someone would spend $25 on a 3" x 4" leather belt and a couple zip ties to protect the top tube from the bars. Is this really a problem that keeps fixies up at night?

Sure, I've never ridden a FG so I don't know but I can't think of a time my road bike bars hit my top tube - even in a fall. Is there something about brake and shifter cables that somehow makes me fail to realize the absolute necessity of this?

53x11masher said...

Scott Moniger can't pee of his bike...just sayin'

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:57pm,

Actually yes--the cables and housing are what keep your bars from swinging around fast and far enough to ding your top tube, which can happen with a track bike.

Of course, whether it's absolutely necessary (or whether you need to spend $25 if you've decided that it is) is completely subjective.


Jim said...

>Jack writes:
>>running 48 x 17 exclusively fixed has made my calves and thighs too huge for those jeans

Wow, 48x17, huh? You must have thighs like Tom Boonen to even think about turning MONSTER gears like that. Or Lucy Lawless. Or some other huge, tough dude.

>Jack continues:
>>even riding on the flats i felt so stupid with my legs spinning like a blender.

Hey brah, betcha it wasn't the gear inches or achieving a smooth pedal stroke at high cadence that was making you feel stupid.

Just kidding. Nice spoof. Unless you're for real, in which case your parent is probably ashamed of you, wherever she is.

Strayhorn said...

broomie said:
(I can't do this, myself because it sometimes gets caught in the chain.)

My main riding partner has this problem as well. I tend to get a rash on the head from dragging along the asphalt.

Perhaps a Parrot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Scott said...


I think Leroy's point wasn't that peeing off the bike is bad manners, it was that peeing off the bike and having it smell like beer-piss is bad manners. Ditto for eating asparagus right before the group ride.

The Jackal said...

While I don't really care for the looks, those Portland Cyclewear "messenger" pants are great for commuting this time of year. I have been using them in typical Seattle weather for the past two weeks with no complaints.

Anonymous said...

Cheaper TT Guard

But why not use a dog-erection style tape job?

Spats (if you must have them) can easily be had at army-navy surplus stores or you can get the day-glo rain ones from the wax-impregnated folks at Carradice .

These are much closer to the old Burley booties and farm more effective outside the realm of fashion.

But equestrian fashions serve both purposes:
Half Chaps and Leggings.
These keep the dogshit-soup curb-zone wheelspray off your argyle socks.

Waxed canvas is 1850s-era? Sure, but still in common use today. It works.

Not many cyclists then, and waxed cotton still works fine for Australian shepherds, and British hunters and Scots ghillies although I suspect it was at a peak in the 1930s-40s.

Vulcanized Mackintoshes were too heavy/bulky.

I like Rainshield O2 jackets, personally.
Despite their literal weaknesses.

Okay... I must return to my hole

Anonymous said...

"farm" is the new "far"

thefutureofamerica said...

"Point a knee and your unit to the right in the States or to the left in Europe and let go."

So Europros piss into traffic?


Sounds like something Cippo would do...

thefutureofamerica said...

hmm... link didn't work...

Anyway, they drive on the right in Europe, just not in the UK.

Bluenoser said...

As far as I'm concerned Snob a golf course is only good for one thing. Cyclo-cross.

And tweed. Monty Python's Upper class twit of the year contest. Sir Rodney has run himself over.


mr.complaint said...

It's everywhere!



Is there a shortage of handlebar tape out there?

Maybe I'll start making spats and miniTTP's out of the Greenway Kill - Hudson River Rats.

Bluenoser - I believe as long as you wear your golfwear you can use any club you'd like.

After all we are the new golf.

broomie said...

RE:"So Europros piss into traffic?"


It harks back to to pre-rennaisance times when the gutter was in the middle of the road. Even today Europeans consider it rude to splash pedestrians with piss while you fly by.

Anonymous said...

Need to sell a wheel?

Show your tat!



broomie said...


Yes, it is definitely rude if you are on a 'no piss' ride.
But all the famous rides have piss zones, you know.

broomie said...

Oh, & Scott Moniger,

His peeing off the bike is more of a contractual issue than a physical limitation. He was called "water weenie" Scott as a Junior racer, you know.

bikesgonewild said...

...i waited 'til a lotta comments were posted just to make sure...

...turns out i've been riding my bikes in golf gear for years now...& here i secretly thought i was just a teensy bit more stylish than my riding buds...now i understand the snickers...

erik k said...

"Nope, you just can't drink beer while riding. "

while you do make some very valid points and your rational is very well thought out I think these people do make a convincing argument against your point.

incontinentia buttocks said...

oh bike snob, as much of an ass you are, you amuse me so much that I keep coming back

Andy Pandy said...

By Jove Mabel I think that those simple people in the New World are catching on to our fashion statement. Chipper say what. Now hand me my spats, houndstooth jacket and matching fedora, my trusty 12 gauge as there are grouse out there to shoot. Tally ho

Anonymous said...

THIS is how you do it.


leroy said...

Broomie --

Well of course we all know how to pee off the bike.

We just don't exacerbate the situation by carbo loading fermented hops.

Sorry to hear about your getting caught in the chain problem.

Modesty prevents me from discussing my kick stand.

Anonymous said...

Jack Casey,

"running a 48 x 17 exclusively fixed has made my calves and thighs too huge for those jeans :("

maybe you need to take up a new hobby, like heroin addiction.

leroy said...

eric k --

Hmmm, I dunno bout that photo.

Let's see.

Fixed gear -- check.
No brake -- check.
No helmet -- check.
Bare feet -- check.

Oh well, at least they're drinking from cans, not bottles, so you know someone took a bike safety course.

Honestly, if I were in to Intelligent Design theory, a picture like that would really flummox me.

On the one hand, the photo calls into question Darwin's theory of evolution, suggesting we should have died off years ago.

On the other hand, you can't describe that photo with any sentence that has both "intelligent" and "design" in it.

Oh well, could be worse. Scott was kind enough to remind us they could have been eating asparagus.

Joel said...

Not sure why you think people who don't wear bibs and other cycle racing garb are not serious about cycling.

I rode across the goddamn country this Summer mostly wearing cotton shorts and tee shirts, loose jeans when it got cold and pulled on a Filson all weather rain coat when it rained.

Many of the other riders I saw on the way were in spandex and crap. I am sure they were able to think a lot about my unconvential attire as I passed them.

dr zhimano said...

waxed canvas is the new gortex

spats are the new gators

48x17 is the new 53x11

argyle is the new tweed

puma dogs are the new stacy adams yo'

joel is the new cipo

dr zhimano said...

sorry, "gaiters"

SkidMark said...

Pithy comments, as always - kickstand, very nice. Perhaps your other moniker is "Tripod"?

Anonymous said...

First, you should realize that the word "serious" should never be used in this blog.
Second, good for you, riding x-c in cotton shorts and a t-shirt. My balls would be screaming in anguish! As the name "Bike Snob" indicates, I'm sure most of us tend to size up a cyclist by their clothes and machine (if, in addition to the cotton shorts, you had said you rode a fixed gear x-c, I'd REALLY be impressed). As for the "spandex and crap", it may look dorky, but it works.

Team Cinzano said...


We will be looking for your unfashionable ass out on the roads. You wear tube socks, denim nutters, and the wife-beater shirt with the farmers' tan no?

You are truly lucky it is late as my fellow snob fans will be piling on. You are unlucky in that that last thing you may see is a frame pump through your spokes.


Anonymous said...

those stretchy 3/4 "messenger" pants are i think technically know as "yoga" pants

Tim said...

I like that the argyle number comes in either "black" or "midnight"... ahhm... still can't decide!

broomie said...

leroy Re: "On the one hand, the photo calls into question Darwin's theory of evolution, suggesting we should have died off years ago."

Remember that traits only die off if they interfere with reproduction. Apparently they are still able to breed. This seems a good argument against intelligent design as well, them breeding I mean...

broomie said...

All this talk about pee is making me thirsty.

broomie said...

obviously, none of the beer dinking riders are roadies or XC riders. they would either be chugging with no hands or hold the can like a baby bottle so you can drink w/o taking eyes off the road.


MariaNYC said...

is boxing an SIB?

broomie said...

Boxing, erm..I would say no. The belt is either a trophy or a zone in which you don't punch under. Also it is impossible to smoke with boxing gloves, of which you are required to wear 2. (see how neatly that all fits?) Beer drinking hinders boxing, too. ALthough I believe you are still allowed to urinate on the mat between bells. Boxing=sport

Perhaps a Parrot said...

Joel, screw that: I rode from Alaska to Argentina wearing nothing but a burlap loin-cloth and a sun hat -- in the middle of the winter. You should have seen the looks on the faces of those dorky pro-tour guys wearin' all that spandex and crap as I flew past them at least fifteen miles per hour faster in the mountains. Granted, my saddle got the dry-rot halfway there, and I had to perch on the rails--gingerly at first, but once the callouses came in I almost prefered the feeling of a good washboard road.


Anonymous said...


Winter in north america or south?

bikesgonewild said...

...parrot is tough, anon 2:21am...

...he timed it so that it was winter in both hemispheres as he made his way south...

...stuff a' legends, don't cha know...

Anonymous said...


thought he was taking advantage of that coriollis effect or whatever makes the toilets flush backwards. does that mean he had to pedal backwards in south america?

anon 2:21

Anonymous said...

team cinzano,

siete sfortunati perché la vostra faccia assomiglia all'asino di un babbuino

caio, loser!

Anonymous said...

#078 of "you are fix when poser when" ... your vans match your spats or your $60 wide brim falls off whenever you pedal your bike.

leroy said...

Scusilo, Anon 6:18,

Didn't you mean:

Il vostro asino assomiglia alla faccia di un babbuino?

Luck has nothing to do with it.

Jes' sayin'.

VeloStrummer said...

That picture of Cipo gave me an erection, and now I feel confused.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else notice that two people got into an "internet fight" about spandex cycling gear while we are all trying to combat the pretentiousness of the new fixed gear fad? It seems crazy, but forming elitist groups that are exclusionary is the only way to combat other elitist groups that are exclusionary.

Also, don’t go so hard on the photo of those guys/gals riding and drinking. I believe that’s a photo of C.H.U.N.K. 666 riders. They are an amazing bicycle advocacy group that does a lot to help get people on bikes and out of cars. They’re also all about the fun of cycling: something that seems to have been lost in all the fashion mongering on both the geared and non-geared sides of the spectrum...

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 11:52 internet cop FTW! even defined the 'debate' for us

erik k said...

anon 11:52 am

Yes that they are C.H.U.N.K 666 riders and

No we are not really serious about anything the whole point of this site is its a joke, and even if you do see someone ridding in jeans you will never really know if they are wearing spandex underneath them

incontinentia buttocks said...

atleast we are not in cars guzzling gas by the gallon and paying monthly car payments

i think some riders take cycling way serious and others like me just enjoy it, I dont have a car and so this is my transportation,

i wear my clothes and my bike is fixed but that doesnt make me cool

Anonymous said...

erik K

exactly, which is why I keep coming back here and reading and laughing and dont understand how so many cyclists have down time to type, lol


some shit is seriously funny though

Jamisjockey said...

Fuck me running, I got two right. I guess I'm a poser. I'll throw my local team kit in the trash, burn my cyclocross bike on the stake, and give my mountain bike to some illegal aliens so they can ride to work at the local fast food shithole.

Scott said...

I saw a Louisiana license plate this morning on my commute (sort of a rare occurrence, as I live on the wrong coast for it) which claimed that the fair state of Louisiana is in fact a "Sportsman's Paradise". I could help thinking that that offer is limited to SIBs.

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