Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Synthesis: Putting It Together

Yesterday, I mentioned Cisco executive, amateur cyclist, and goatee enthusiast Joe Burton's tardy Cervelo-inspired freakout.  While many readers were outraged, it's important to remember that purchasing a high end crabon fribé road bicycle is a major undertaking and a serious commitment.  In fact, it's a lot like a marriage.  Sure, to some small degree a marriage is about making a lifelong commitment to another human being, but mostly it's about obsessing over meaningless details and surrounding yourself with teams of professionals whose job it is to endure your temperamental outbursts and interpret your tyrannical whims.

So whether you're getting a new flat-screen TV, or a new bicycle, or a new car, or a new spouse, it's crucial that the process includes a "Ceremony of Acquisition," in which people coddle you and reassure you and tell you how smart and special you are and what a great decision you're making.  So when Joe Burton's "Ceremony of Acquisition" was interrupted and he did not receive the attention and praise he deserved for purchasing a Cervelo, he got angry.  This is hardly surprising.  Wouldn't you get angry at your wedding if somebody lost the rings?  Wouldn't you be outraged if you went to a Passover Seder and the hosts forgot the Haggadahs?  Wouldn't you be furious at the Pope if he tried to celebrate the Eucharist with an Eggo waffle?  Sure you would--assuming you believe in those things in the first place.  Similarly, when you believe in the awesomeness of the Cervelo as well as in your own awesomeness for getting married to a Cervelo only to have the sacred "Ceremony of Acquisition"disrupted, you become disappointed, disillusioned, and angry.  It's "consumerus interruptus," or what's colloquially known as "blue bills."

Actually, considering the circumstances, Joe Burton actually took it pretty well.  His bike only cost $4,000.  What if he was purchasing an $18,000 bicycle, like Tony Shalhoub's stunt double in this article from the New York Times (forwarded by Daddo-One)?


It's tempting to think that the sorts of people who purchase bicycles that cost many thousands of dollars are doing so because they have a great deal of cycling experience, and as such not only can appreciate and take advantage of the subtle differences between expensive bikes and cheaper ones, but are also possessed of the kind of knowledge, confidence, and self-sufficiency that comes with experience.  As such, it's also tempting to think that they can make their way through the bike-buying process with a minimal hand-holding.  However, this is not true.  The more expensive the bicycle, the more experts need to be involved.  They must measure you like a bass at a fishing contest.  They must point lasers at you and hook you up to a computer like you're a business presentation or a car that's getting the "check engine" light.  Simply put, you require the "Ceremony of Aquisition."  You're not buying the bike; you're buying the attention.

Of course, ITTET, this particular high-end shop has had to change it's approach: 

Mr. Heitmann, who has a Ph.D. in philosophy, explained his bike shop’s adjustments in Hegelian terms: “Take the status quo (thesis), challenge it with a new idea (antithesis), and emerge with a better idea (synthesis). We’re at an antithetical period — I believe the Cadence brand will emerge stronger and better despite the difficulties New York is experiencing now.”

Now, I only have a 105/Centaur/Rival-quality education, but if I understand Heitmann properly he means this:

Thesis


Antithesis




Synthesis



This means that Cadence is going to become the "keytar" of bike shops.  Frankly, I'm not sure Hegelian philosophy is what a struggling bike shop needs, but then again I don't have a Ph.D. and I admit I am a bit of a "keytard."  Apparently, becoming the "keytar" of bike shops involves selling cheaper bikes.  Yet, as the article points out, "Personal coaches, who can charge lawyer-style rates of as much as $150 an hour, are reporting a spike in business."  This is a disturbing sign if you're a retailer of $18,000 bicycles, since it means that crafty consumers have figured out a way to enjoy the "Ceremony of Acquisition" without actually acquiring anything.  In other words, they're skipping the new bike, but they're still paying to have somebody follow them around and tell them how great they are.  This is like being budget-minded by putting your kitchen renovation on hold and then using that as a justification to dine out every night.  I guess wealthy roadies don't want to buy the keytar right now, but they'll still pay top dollar for the lessons.

After spending a little time inside the mind of the high-end New York City roadie, the "excesses" of the fixed-gear world seem quaint in comparison.  As ridiculous as these riders can be, they've got a ways to go before they're paying for alleycat-specific training programs and fixed-gear freestyling lessons.  At the moment, it seems like the New York City fixed-gear riders are in an awkward stage of development, and they're arriving at that place where their fashion choices are becoming painfully at odds with practicality and functionality.

One place these growing pains have manifested itself recently is in fenders.  For some reason, New York City cyclists in general are fender-averse.  Even people who ride bikes with clearance and eyelets for fenders rarely use them.  I suppose it's because they don't like the way fenders look, and instead prefer having abstract pointillist designs on the seats of their pants.  The truth is, though, that fenderlessness is a sign of cycling immaturity (racing bikes and offroad bikes excluded).  Realizing you need fenders is as elementary as toilet training, and in both cases there's nothing as immature as not knowing how to keep your own ass dry.

To their credit, New York City's fixed-gear riders are now spending enough time on their bikes that they are beginning to learn about ass protection.  However, they're also riding bicycles that don't allow it, because they coveted things like "true track geometry" and "tight clearances" that sound cool but are mostly at odds with all-weather city riding.  As a result, I've seen a sudden spike in the number of clip on "beaver tail" fenders--which, as I pointed out last week, are almost always set up so they're almost touching the rear tire, flat-brim style.

Obviously, fixed-gear freestylers aren't going to adopt full fenders anytime soon since they would get in the way of tricks, but generally speaking I feel as though fixed-gear riders in New York City are at an interesting turning point.  They're willing to ride around in utility belts and beards looking like that guy from "Home Improvement," yet they still covet minimalist bikes. Will they finally abandon fashionable affectations and begin to embrace practicality, or will they continue to pursue things like this?


Beaverizing a mountain bike might make sense for muddy rides, but on an urban bike something like this is just sad.  It's really just a pie plate for your saddle.  Once you've fastened an oversized labium like this to your bike you've already admitted you need fenders, so next time you're in the market for a frame you might want to think differently.  Even my lowly Scattante Empire State Courier manages to accommodate full fenders:




Incidentally, as a proud Scattante owner, I've done some research into its provenance.  Here's what the bike looks like as Performance sells it:


However, it's also the same exact frame as the 2008 SE Lager



...which is in turn the same exact frame as the Bikesdirect "Windsor Clockwork:"



I'm sure that there are more iterations out there, but I stopped looking because it was getting me depressed.  Suffice to say though that I own at least three bikes in one, and that it can also be purchased for anywhere from $329 to $599.99, depending on your decal preference.  Just make sure you also budget for fenders and coaching.

As depressed as I was to learn about the promiscuity of my Perscattinsor SE (though I still prefer it to that Look), I'm nowhere near as upset as Lance Armstrong, who's now being accused of "misbehaving" during a drug test:


I can't blame him for questioning the tester's validity.  As I've already surmised, the French are attempting to collect enough of Lance Armstrong's hair, nail clippings, and bodily fluids to build their very own Lance Armstrong.  For all he knew, the guy with the backpack could have been an agent in this diabolical scheme.  But what Armstrong didn't know is that the French are actually much closer to completion than anybody thought.  In fact, the French Armstrong bootleg was recently spotted out training:


He's even riding a Trek.  Granted, his Tour de France performance may not be all that animated, but it will almost certainly be re-animated.

167 comments:

p said...

win

DSTRONG said...

whutup

Tex said...

Damn

Pontius Pilate said...

PODIUM!?

Where's your messiah now?!

Hail Caesar -

P.P.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Podium?

Anonymous said...

close....

ringcycles said...

top ten, but sill no flowers

Luck E. said...

TREK GORE


A

Pontius Pilate said...

No.4 - Not bad for Holy Week.

Hail Caesar.

P.P.

Anonymous said...

oh yeah!

Anonymous said...

read it. mofos!

grog said...

Damn! A piece of beaver for under ten dollars! Another great space on which one can affix the seal of disapproval. Ha. I'm in!

Anonymous said...

Big greasy fart.

First real comment.

Anonymous said...

"Once place these growing pains have manifested itself recently is in fenders."

That sentence hurts.

Anonymous said...

beavertail fenders on track bikes go waaaay back. i think they fell out of vogue for a while but that's old timey mess style.

leroy said...
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leroy said...

Photosynthesis -- the new energy gel.

Anonymous said...

TAKE THAT
RICH JERK

Anonymous said...

Deeeyaaaammmmmmmm

Biggie wasn't lyin

Mo money, mo problems!!!

ringcycles said...

Everyone knows that for the french Franken-Lance to have a chance in LeTour, he needs a team! That's why Tyler's vanishing twin and Floyds undescended 3rd testicle are secretly training in Mexico.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

Leggo my eggo, lone wolf.

Justin said...

Pass.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant as usual, bikesnob.

samh said...

Great party, man!

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Matt Boulanger said...

Funny- I just set up a Windsor Clockwork (in Orange, no less) for delivery as a birthday and Christmas present to a friend who has no bike to ride right now. When I roll up next to him rubbing my Scattante (xrl cross, full fenders, not Liberty City) now I'll know they are related. I'm sure he'll be rubbing fenders before you know it.

I love the idea that you can buy two clockworks for less than the price of a Campy Chorus Crankset on Nashbar.

Anonymous said...

Are you about to get married and getting cold feet? Hopefully this Ceremony of Acquisition isnt going to involve the scatplay empire state courier. If so runaway bride syndrome can be expected.

On a different subject do you write your blog from work?

kale said...

Snob,

Thanks for crediting Bart Kaufman's wife - the Ultimate Keytar Groupie - with that palpful picture.

But I must remonstrate- why would you need fenders if you're wearing a Saran Wrap body suit? Are you that gracious to those stuck to your rear wheel spray?

streepo said...

"blue bills"

har de har har har.

Happy Valley said...

Snobbie, using links as allusion, the bicycle world's equivalent to mid-career
Dennis Miller.

Bill said...

i was wondering the same exact thing as Kale, I know I do either/or, fenders or body condom, not both as that would just be silly

Bike Snob Austin IV said...

...Lance?!...is that you??!
Wake up baby, wake up!!
Oh fuck!! What have they done to you?! Those fucking frogs! What have they done to you!!! God damn it all to hell! What have you done to HIM??!

jolene said...

kick his ass real good red real good ya hears but leaf ricky out it he gots the shits real bad from thos ribs and chickun he et at the connest i tolt him to put them in the cooler but he jes up n put em in his melk crate on his iron horse and lef em outseid for a day or to

bikesgonewild said...

...hey, if the pope used eggo waffles, corn chips & mogen david w/ some welches grape juice thrown in for our muslim brothers, as far as i'm concerned, we might actually become a "family of man"...

...although there might be a little more work to do...

...just speculatin'...

Strayhorn said...

The most esteemed Snob said:

Now, I only have a 105/Centaur/Rival-quality education,

This is where I get lost. Do you mean Centaur where it used to be on the Campy totem pole, or where it is now - down a few notches. Are we suddenly at the bottom, like Veloce?

What about us with Daytona educations? Are our diplomas going to be re-branded in the middle of the run? Will we suddenly be grads of Harverd or Yail?

db said...

Wow. I hope that photo of Mr. Hodosh (Ho-douche? Too easy.) haunts him for the rest of his life. But instead he's probably flattered by it.

mikeweb said...

In other words, they're skipping the new bike, but they're still paying to have somebody follow them around and tell them how great they are. This is like being budget-minded by putting your kitchen renovation on hold and then using that as a justification to dine out every night.

Hey does this mean that ITTET, 'people of means' might *gasp* actually work on their fitness and technique instead of trying to buy their way to better performance?

Oh, these trainers charge up to $150/hour? Nevermind. I guess when I lose my job, I'll only charge $100/hour to stroke the egoes of laid off derivatives salespeople.

db said...

@ Strayhorn: How about Skoalgate?

mikeweb said...

Realizing you need fenders is as elementary as toilet training, and in both cases there's nothing as immature as not knowing how to keep your own ass dry.

This becomes painfully obvious when riding your fender-less and brake-less fixie through the streets Chinatown on the way to meeting friends and when you arrive everyone asks everyone else if they smell fish.

kale said...

Harverd or Yail?

Did you go to Coasting school?

J.mika'ele said...

man, i went through the same depressing process with the frame thing. my buddies bought a nameless flat black frame (from fixed gear freak in santa cruz) which looked strikingly similar to my 08 se lager (funny thing was i paid less for my lager- but i get the infamous doo doo brown paintjob). i shrugged it off, but while looking for a bike for my girlfriend, i stumbled upon the clockwork which shared almost everything (except for handlebars) with my lager. and then there's the dawes sst which shares the EXACT SAME SETUP down to the crappy stem (and it was even cheaper than my lager). so in conclusion, the 08 SE lager, dawes SST, windsor clockwork, 08 fuji track (since the lager and track are under fuji's production umbrella), the nashbar single speed, and the scattante. conspiracy much?

thanks for letting me feel like im not alone.
Jmik

mikeweb said...

BSNYC, very nice taste in fenders.

I never knew that the Gray Lady actually had a dedicated bicycling section now. I'm not sure whether I s/b proud or frightened. I'm leaning toward frightened.

MINGUStheMECHANIC said...

Its craptastic fluff like that which makes the NY times a joke.

My ceremony of acquisition for my newly acquired cyclocross bike which will grow fenders, was to get doored on my first commute with it this morning, luckily its made in taiwan by some pretty tough dudes.

Picco said...

Was Richard Hodosh's main cost because his Felt didn't originally come in a 43cm frame size??

Luck E. said...

Palp a fender. Rock a dry ass.


A

Shram said...

I never get tired of this shit, cunt-tastic today Snob.

Wasn't the Saran Wrap just around his pant leg, kale & Jim? If so he'd still need at least a back fender.

Gnarles Darwin said...

"NICE BEVR"

kale said...

Well, I would have hoped BSNYC was enough of a rugged individualist to apply the Saran Wrap to anywhere else that was wet - like the foodengers who put the plastic bags over their hands in the winter as windbreakers.

Don't put it on your face though, unless your coach tells you that it's part of your O2 starvation training programme.

Anonymous said...

Top 50! Good enough to start tomorrow's stage!

Centurion Holder said...

who cares if someone spends 10k or 1k for a bike. it's about enjoying the ride! I'll say it again... who cares!

I enjoy my bike don't care about the cost...

Anonymous said...

When do these bikes get repo'd and where is the auction?

Intense,

Some random jerk

CommieCanuck said...

Beavers in cycling blogs.

Brilliant.

$4,000 bike only allows the threat to kill. For $5,000, you can actually kill a bike store employee in Canada.

When I picked up my $18,000 Serotta Meh-vici with Campy Super-Record, I killed everyone in the shop and molested the shop owner's dog.

Don't criticize our culture.

mikeweb said...

What we need is a thoughtful and nuanced treatise on the concept of the 'comfort' bicycle.

Last weekend in Prospect park, I espied a woman on some sort of Jamis/Giant/whatever contraption and the handlebars were literally 3 inches in front of her clavicle. Her arms were so high and at such an extreme angle that I had a flashback of watching archival footage of Vince Lombardi (or was it Knute Rockne) demonstrating proper football blocking technique.

Flashback aside, it didn't look that comfortable to me. Maybe she would rather perspire inside of her elbow joints instead of her armpits. Perhaps she even eshews the typical application of antiperspirant and 'rubs' it in her 'elbow pits' instead.

Anyway, these questions are too lofty for one such as I to pretend to answer.

Seanywonton said...

Mikeweb said
"Oh, these trainers charge up to $150/hour? Nevermind. I guess when I lose my job, I'll only charge $100/hour to stroke the egoes of laid off derivatives salespeople."

Well...close. They actually charge $100 an hour to stroke their egos and $50 an hour to stroke their cocks. The difference in price being that it is much less repulsive to stroke their cocks.

You know that feeling you get when you check out a bike on the street (as we all do) and you're like, "Man, this is a fixie or S.S. but it actually has riser bars and fenders. This kind of makes sense! I could ride this!" And then you see the 9 out of 10 other fixies with drop bars and no fenders. For some reason I just like the idea of increasing my range of vision, and visibility while being upright in traffic. And keeping the mud off my ass just makes me happy and comfortable.

And Snob, somehow I just saw the January 5th post with the Perscattante review. I give it 5 hipster cysts! *****

hillbilly said...

mikeweb - it's just a once a week blog, really doesn't count as anything

Critical Ass said...

Will a keytar gently descend from the sky like the quad-neck shred metal guitar did last Friday? Or am I setting myself up for a mishap like Krist Novaselic on SNL?

hillbilly said...

i loves me some snob, but I'll never see eye to eye on the fender issue. 3 words - change of pants. 9 x out of ten more than your ass is getting wet, fenders aren't keeping tops of your legs dry, and wearing cleats you are most likely changing shoes anyway. why not go all out and be totally dry?

Anonymous said...

Ever ridden on a wet street?

Henry Cabot Henhaus III said...

Where is the Awesome Sauce I keep reading about here?

Jack said...

Lance is just being hounded by the French. What's new.

Jack

http://adventuresinvoluntarysimplicity.blogspot.com/

hillbilly said...

anon 2:41...all the time, that's my point. i agree they help, but I'm just sayin that I opt for the total dryness of a change. if you've ever ridden on a wet street you know that a fender doesn't cover your thighs, the back of your thighs, etc etc....oh, but your sarcasm was oh so clever.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Commie: as D. Parker might have said, 'how would one know if one had killed a Canadian bike shop employee'? At least in my part of the GWN, most are brain dead so far as I can tell. Do we use heart-rate as an indicator?

Anonymous said...

I don't know about you, but I prefer to have a wet ass when I get to work - makes dealing with the boss that much easier.

mariospants said...

Snob, your writing is always witty and illuminating however today you have exceeded yourself and I must comment:

There should be a bike race named after today's entry, it's that epic.

Thank you for doing what you do and try not to read the positive comments, they'll bloat your self-opinion too much and then the blog might suffer.

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

Fenders are for grown-ups. You know, like breaks.

Bluenoser said...
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Bluenoser said...
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red neckerson said...

billy bob tolt me that some dummass canadian who calls hisself etienne gilson onced said that you might be excused for being hegel but there werent no damm excuse for being hegelian

Im guessing hegel must have been a frencher cause they is the only ones even dummer than a damm canadian

id like to beat the shit out of both of them but billy bob says theys dead already so i guess they aint got no shit if they was properly field dressed before they was rendered

thats what im saying

hillbilly said...

so 2 canucks riding cervelos are called cervucks?

Carlos from Philly said...

Clip on (or "beaver" whatever) fenders on a track bike are akin to snow or weather tires on a sports car.
If you enjoy riding punchy rear-wheel drive sports car for the experience it can offer, why would you swap that out for a more practical all wheel drive offering? You wouldn't. If you anticipate encountering poor weather conditions in the coming months, you mount the all weather or snow tires you've had sitting in your garage since signing.
Is this an optimal solution for snow driving? of course not.
But then again, very few drivers actually need to spend so much time driving in snow or ice that a specialized vehicle is required.
In the same respect, clip on fenders work for most of us. if 80% of the days you ride are clear and dry, why would you spend those 8 out of every 10 days riding a full fendered setup when you'd have more fun on a short wheelbased track bicycle that doesn't clack or clang at every road imperfection or curb jump? Even if you don't take full advantage of a track bike's performance capability, being attractive to the asthetics of a track bike is probably enough to warrant simply using a clipon to battle the occasional puddle during the ten minute ride most "commuters" encounter two-out-of-ten days.
And to be honest, the clip ons work just fine for that.
Granted-- i don't actually use one, but my lady friend has come home with a dry tuckuss on many a misty day.
I guess her vagina isn't as irritable as bsny's...

Jim said...

So when Joe Burton's "Ceremony of Acquisition" was interrupted and he did not receive the attention and praise he deserved for purchasing a Cervelo, he got angry. This is hardly surprising.

That is so untrue. Need I point out, that *nobody* expects the Spanish Acquisition?

Bluenoser said...
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ODB said...

Yo, my skunk patch gives me street cred. I be riding thru hella mud and shit. I even got hooked up with this streetwear with a designer mud print on it. How do I show those posers who ride their bikes 4 blocks that I be riding hella farther than they do. Check the crack!

Shimmy shimmy ya.

ODB
(Old Dirty Bicyclist)

JPB said...

I don't rub fenders on my track bike or my "commuter" simply because I am a lazy procrastinator. Every rainy season I remember I was going to get some fenders before next rainy season. Been doing that for years, works great, still have a wet ass on rainy days.

Carlos from Philly - Your argument sounds a lot like any argument by any track bike "afficionado" ever. In other words, "track bikes are best, even though I have never tried any other type of bike". Anybody who has been commuting by bike for any length of time at least considers having a bike just for that purpose. Yeah sports cars are fun and all, but they are not designed for driving around in city traffic everyday.

Seanywonton said...

Personally, I think full fenders look cool. But then I am one of those jerks who drools over fancy lugs and dreams about owning a Rivendell someday (the economy model of course!)

Jim said...

Commie Canuck Writes:

$4,000 bike only allows the threat to kill. For $5,000, you can actually kill a bike store employee in Canada.

Is that Canuckian or Amurican dollars? Because if the exchange rate was favorable I'd consider it an investment.

Don't criticize our culture.

Wait a minute. Canadia has a culture? Let me guess: your threat is that if we criticize you guys, you'll send a legion of cruel thugs to the U.S. to kick our asses, dash out our teeth, drink both our bad and our craft brewed beer, violate our women, and steal our money. Or am I just confusing Canadian vengeance with the NHL playoffs?

Anonymous said...

The entire reason I bought my bike was the fact that it has braze ons for full fenders. But I can't fit anything larger than 28cs with the fenders. Good thing they only take 15 mins and a zip tie to swap in and out if I want to run knobbies.

Anyone else from Portland or Seattle want to agree?

Bluenoser said...
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bikesgonewild said...

...blue...ol' red (red...blue ??? this could get confusing) tries to lay into canadians, but damn, it's hard to feel too insulted 'cuz that ol' boy is showing some serious philosophical depth...who fucking knew...

...& yer quite right about the 'cajon thingy...prob'ly the best spicy crawdad boil n' fried possum red ever ate came from some un peu frenchie w/ roots in canada...

kale said...

Bluenoser-

Take 'em we'll just get more from Mexico and the cuntflux will continue.

(Sorry to offend, but the c-word is En Vogue)

BiZZiD said...
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Anonymous said...

You mean my Gary Fisher Marlin is no better than a Trek 4300? It's Aluminom

Wes said...

Carlos from Philly

Ten days is twenty journeys. Eight out of ten mornings might be dry but if the two afternoons that are wet come on those dry mornings, you're kinda stuck.

I suppose you could have a set of strap ons at work, tucked away under your desk.

Or do you work on the reasoning that getting wet on the way home is okay (which most of the time it probably is, just not when you're off to a gathering or somesuch).

And Commie, that was gold. (Snobby yours was too, I just don't want to come across like one of those Anonymous stalker types. I read the post, I laughed out loud, I'm participating.)

Bluenoser said...
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hillbilly said...

i think carlos from philly was pretty right on in his assessment. i have a problem adding thing to my bike that are necessary less than, let's say, 20 percent of the time, and that's on the high side, since fenders only really make a marked difference (no pun intended) when rain isn't actually falling. (if it is you're getting wet anyway, maybe not dirty, but probably)

one logic for pie plate, another for fender? i still don't see the problem with stuffing some pants into that oversized empty messenger bag

Bluenoser said...
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Anonymous said...

I'd put fenders on my commuter, but then somebody might think I was a woosie.

Robert Baden-Powell said...

Be prepared!

Rock a fender, pack a spare pair of trousers in your rucksack, or if you are an obstinate sort, condition yourself mentally and physically to go around with a visibly soiled and palpably moist backside. Be contented with what you have got and make the best of it. Look on the bright side of things instead of the gloomy one.

Ride safe. Visit my grave next time you are in Kenya!

mikeweb said...

This may just be me, but having full fenders full time on your 'get arounder' type of bike here in NYC is necesary for more than just adverse weather conditions, as I alluded to before in my "who smells fish" post.

Even when we're in the middle of a drought here, full fenders are necesary to keep what I like to call "garbage truck juice" from flying/splashing up onto our semi-laundered clothes (i.e $150 jeans and $100 hoodies). "Garbage truck juice" and it's cousin "Chinatown fishmonger juice" are very common occurences on the smelly streets of NYC. Even more when the thermometer heads north.

bikesgonewild said...

...lord baden-powell, sir...it was you who taught me the concept of kybo...

...good advice, especially in light of those long hard miles in the saddle...

Wes said...

When a thermometer heads north towards the pole does it read colder?

CommieCanuck said...

hillbilly said...
so 2 canucks riding cervelos are called cervucks?


Two Canadians riding Cervelos.

christopher lee said...

also the same as fuji track, the list goes on and on. i believe it's made NOT by a taiwanese company, but a taiwanese CULT/family, creating division in the fixed gear world to try and start the frame war while they ride it out in an underground city. i hear they're releasing an album soon.

CommieCanuck said...

Anon 2:51: it's not easy to tell if a Canadian bike shop employee is actually dead, the minimal movement could be confused for rigor mortis, and the smell after two weeks is about the same either way. Usually, the clear test is trying to take a beer out of his hand -the dead guy has a much stronger grip.

Anonymous said...

just made it...i think

bikesgonewild said...

..."It's still little more than a vision, but the idea of bike lanes across the Bay Bridge, between Oakland and San Francisco, continues to move forward like a bicyclist battling a headwind. This morning, a committee of the Bay Area Toll Authority is expected to..."...blah, blah, blah, yaddada, yaddada, yaddada but hey, at least somebody is tryin'...

...still a pipe dream but now that "cisco joe" burton is rollin', rockin', rubbin' the local highways n' byways on his hard finagled cervelo, maybe he can lead the charge for better peddle powered access...

hillbilly said...

yall is mighty precious bout yer little arses. me thinkst thou doth protest too much, or some such shit...as in 'i smell repression'

ritesh said...

Damn! A piece of beaver for under ten dollars! Another great space on which one can affix the seal of disapproval.
Once place these growing pains have manifested itself recently is in fenders."
Sell Digital Products

Anonymous said...

I just wanna point out that the word "rucksack" appeared here awhile ago.

CommieCanuck said...

Wes.. better question, when a Richard Sachs limited RGM watch heads towards the North Pole, does it read more pretentious?

Normal RGM watches are $3,500.

Twenty RGM North Pointer GMT watches will be issued with a special case back design, fitted red straps, and a dial featuring the intertwined RS logo. RGM is honored to have forged a partnership with Richard Sachs and his successful cyclocross team, but the relationship represents much more than that. There is a confluence of philosophy and of dedication.

How much? fuck off. That's how much.

CommieCanuck said...

oh, for $3,500+++, those RGM watches have genuine plastic straps.

Plastic is fantastic.

CommieCanuck said...

..and rucksacks are cunt.

Anonymous said...

Commie, after the limited edition watches sell out, apparently Richard Sachs will have enough cabbage to get those hair transplant plugs he so desperately desires.

Anonymous said...

Put a rucksack on your nutsack, don't be a cunt.

bikesgonewild said...

...hmmm...that collabo watch is called the rmg 'north pointer' ???...

...i thought it was the sachs/rmg 'smug'...

kale said...

BGW-

Could Treasure Island become the new Willamsburg?

If only the developers had built the hipster refugia there instead of Lake Merritt...

bikesgonewild said...

...whoops...that's 'rgm' not the other way around...
...& commiecanuk...that red (no, not you, mr neckeron) plastic strap is so you can wear yer $3500 sachs/rgm 'smug' when yer rollin', rockin', rubbin' yer cross rig in the local mudfest w/ dentists n' shit...

...kale...as you know, that island is composed of two parts...the original steep hill-ed 'yerba buena' piece of rock in the bay & the dead flat 'treasure island' part that they built...
...it's an "island collabo" so that the roadies & the fixies can coexist in peace, yet w/in their respective places...

Bluenoser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hillbilly said...

i was using it more in the sense of:
The action, process, or result of suppressing into the unconscious or keeping out of the conscious mind unacceptable memories or desires.
but, hey, whatever works for you, and your insult probably works as I am pretty deficient in most areas.
good on ya

Bluenoser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bluenoser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bluenoser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Everything about Cadence "bike shop" is a joke, the shop and its staff are full of shit. They know little beyond promoting trendy purchases to magazine-zombie customers. A PhD in philosophy is the Pacific Bicycle Co. of PhD's, (did he earn if from Queens's College?). FU Cadence. Move your shop to Wall Street.

Bluenoser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Anon 6:06:

Queens or Queen's? There's a slight difference betwixt CUNY and Canada.

Bluenoser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Have you Canadians ever heard of taking a brake?

srsly take RPD meds

red neckerson said...

so do them cagun fellers rub crabon fibbers?

Bluenoser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fred Zeppelin said...

Blogger Jim said...

So when Joe Burton's "Ceremony of Acquisition" was interrupted and he did not receive the attention and praise he deserved for purchasing a Cervelo, he got angry. This is hardly surprising.

That is so untrue. Need I point out, that *nobody* expects the Spanish Acquisition?

That made my day, thanks!

Hillbilly:
If your fenders are full-length and sized correctly (and especially you have a front flap), you'll arrive remarkably dry at your destination, shoes and all. If it's not actually raining, but just wet roads, or puddles, or damp dirt from the morning dew, then you'll be completely clean and dry.

Ps clacking and clanging fenders is operator error.

innerlighter said...

I beg to differ about the "tool free" claim on the clip on fender, as only a complete tool would rub one of those!

Carlos, I believe someone already alluded to it, but if you have the chance to ride when it's wet, take a look at where else water is flying off of your tires. Wondering why your shoes are soaked?

Show me someone rock/rub/running full fenders and I'll show you someone who gives a s*** about his/her bike, and has better things to do than clean all the grit and crap off of it every day. But hey, if you like grinding down your "slick whip" then be my guest.


On second thought, I don't want to know what you do with your slick whip.

hillbilly said...

damn bluenoser, i thought i was drunk at work again or something and just forgot insulting you but now goin back over it i still don't know why you think i was insulting you and/or canadians. though i will now that you went a bit off the map or chart or hook or whatever the hell it is. at least now i know i'm drunk

Anonymous said...

My bike has fenders which attach with cute little bolts. My "strap on," well honeys, that's something else entirely.

Anonymous said...

This seems like the right crowd to ask . . . how many tattos do I need to gain entry to Austin Tejas???


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Anonymous said...

why bring hagen dazs to a seder?

cyclingTips said...

dead last?

Anonymous said...

all you woosies from canada suck. what wih your crappy indie rock and tattoos. havent done nothing good since sctv...

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Philip Williamson said...

Who cares about Work Pants? What about the cold wet ass while you're actually on the bike?

Paul Bowen said...

"So when Joe Burton's "Ceremony of Acquisition" was interrupted and he did not receive the attention and praise he deserved for purchasing a Cervelo, he got angry."

Very astute, I suspect.

Anonymous said...

Many years back when I was pals with Jeffery Dahmer we used to both ride Columbia 10 speeds. This was in the days of downtube shifters. Anyhow on several occasions when bike shop personnel displeased Jeffery he would abduct them and eat them for lunch. Dinner sometimes too. Jeff always had a crock pot humming in the kitchen. I have to admit that bike shop guys taste just like chicken.


Ahhhhh, those were the days. To bad Jeffery has passed on. He would fit right in at Cisco Information Control Systems.


Hand Solo

William Seville said...


Anonymous said...

Top 50! Good enough to start tomorrow's stage!
April 8, 2009 2:19 PM


I'm here at the end. That's a Win

Nate said...

How dare the NYT address him as Mr. Heitmann when it should be Dr. Nothing makes those type of people more upset when you don't stroke their egos. I think they pay more than 100/hr too

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隱形鐵窗

Anonymous said...

輸送機
花蓮民宿
台中婚紗
婚紗攝影
婚紗照
婚紗攝影
台中婚紗
團體制服
團體POLO衫
團體背心
制服訂做
工作服
團體制服
團體服訂做
背心訂做
公司制服
制服訂做
瘦身
瘦身餐
減肥藥有效
減肥藥
減肥方法
快速減肥
快速減肥方法
有效減肥方法
減肥門診
減重方法
健康減重
溪頭森林遊樂區

Anonymous said...

溪頭杉林溪
南投飯店
南投旅遊
南投住宿
杉林溪住宿
鹿谷
堆高機
軸承
軸承
日月潭民宿
座椅電梯
樓梯升降椅
升降椅
植牙
人工植牙
微創植牙
植體
牙根
收驚
收驚方法
五路財神廟
財神廟
關帝廟
網路拜拜
補財庫方法
堆高機
托板車
中翻英翻譯
英文校稿
英文論文
雷射雕刻
大陸新娘

Anonymous said...

大陸新娘
網路開店
高雄飛梭雷射
高雄隆乳
塑膠袋
OPP袋
背心袋
顯微鏡
放大鏡
望遠鏡
天文望遠鏡
餐飲加盟
空壓機
空壓機
CNC Machine
助聽器
和合術
斬桃花
招桃花
合和術
分手挽回
月下老人
招財方法
四面佛
開運
補財庫
台中室內設計
台中住宿
逢甲住宿
高雄婚禮佈置
舞台燈光音響

Anonymous said...

義肢
義肢
阿里山高山茶
阿里山茶
阿里山烏龍茶
充電控制器
風力發電機
太陽能系統
LED路燈
追蹤器
衛星追蹤器
徵信器材
反偷拍
監視系統
喜餅禮盒
喜餅推薦
結婚喜餅
彌月禮盒
彌月蛋糕
銑刀
物料架
層架
手推車
消毒殺菌
環境消毒
捆包機
自動捆包機
自動打包機
束帶機
大陸新娘
大陸新娘
塑膠袋
手提袋
購物袋
背心袋
包裝機
磁鐵
塑膠齒輪
攻牙機
太陽能發電
塑膠成型
太陽能路燈
太陽能庭園燈
避雷針
溪頭民宿
溪頭住宿
妖怪村民宿
妖怪村住宿
妖怪村
職業工會
工會健保
公所健保
工會勞保
能量屋
檜木桶

Anonymous said...

蒸足桶
三溫暖烤箱
蒸腳桶
林內熱水器
櫻花熱水器
塑膠射出
塑膠模具
塑膠射出成型
集合式電表
集合式電表
海外婚紗攝影
戶外婚禮
婚禮顧問
婚禮顧問公司
婚禮記錄
婚禮佈置
會場佈置
汽車隔熱紙
大樓隔熱紙
光學玻璃
玻璃加工
玻璃鑽孔
堆高機
安養中心
高雄室內設計
隱形矯正
無痛植牙
U型溝
蓄水池
溪頭民宿
溪頭住宿
妖怪村民宿
妖怪村住宿
妖怪村
重庆消防在线
重庆代办消防
重庆代办消防
重庆消防代办
重庆消防公司
重庆过消防
重庆消防设计
重庆消防咨询
重庆代办消防验收
重庆消防设备安装施工
重庆消防验收