Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Misinformation: Simple Bikes Can Do Amazing Things

("No Bicycles or Dogs Allowed": even crabon feels anti-veloism's cruel sting.)


As the days when the "fixed-gear culture" was an egalitarian utopia which anybody could join recede further into the past, I find myself growing increasingly nostalgic. That's why I'm very pleased to announce that I've discovered a fixed-gear documentary made during the "Fixed-Gear Golden Age" (which most fixed-gear historians agree occurred sometime last summer) that sums up the entire phenomenon poignantly, elegantly, and succinctly:


This video is stuffed full of facts like a fakenger's Chrome bag is stuffed full of wadded up newspaper. Just a few of these facts include:

--Fixed-gear bicycles have no gears or brakes;
--Fixed-gears have a "direct drive system similar to a tricycle";
--Riders "must lock up their legs and skid their bikes to a stop";
--And, according to an interviewee, "You're in total control...there's no brake levers and anything like that you have to rely on."

And so forth.

If you're the skeptical type, you may have found yourself questioning some of these facts as you watched. For example, if fixed-gear bicycles have "no gears," then why are they called "fixed-gears?" Secondly, if fixed-gear bicycles are defined by their lack of brakes, then how come one with a brake on the front rolled through the shot the moment the narrator said that?


Well, all I can tell you is, if you don't know then you were never really a part of the "scene" and you don't understand the fixed-gear experience. It's a Zen thing. You feel totally connected to the bike. By the way, here's another interesting fact about fixed-gears from the video:

"Simple bikes can do amazing things. Like riding backwards, bouncing on a rear wheel, and even standing motionless. Tricks that would be all but impossible on regular bikes."

So basically, if you're not interested in getting to your destination and prefer to stand still or bounce up and down, or you actually want to get farther away from your destination than you were when you started out, a fixed-gear bicycle is a good choice. And don't try to bounce on your rear wheel or stand motionless on a non-fixed-gear bike. I think you'll find it totally impossible.

By the way, Eugene, OR must have a terrible problem with people not cleaning up after their dogs, because there was shot after shot of riders scraping the bottoms of their shoes on their front wheels:



Anyway, this video should give you a pretty good idea of what you missed. It's like watching documentaries about the 60s and wishing you had been there so you could have partaken in all the free drugs and sex. But now it's all over. "Fixed-gear culture" has had its metaphorical Altamont. (Thanks entirely to this guy, who looks like he's about to pick his nose.) Even people already grandfathered into the "scene" are decamping. Like this guy:




Looking for a road bike for a one way trip
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2009-03-14, 1:33AM EDT


Looking to ride out to Chicago this summer. I've been riding fixies and SS bikes for a long time. Have used geared bikes for some competitions but those were borrowed from my friends. Looking for a reliable, geared bike to get me out west. Nothing special or even pretty, looking strictly for reliability. Preferably something a little older, steel framed. Looking to do a tuneup without buying specialized parts.


hit me up kiddies.


Here's somebody who's been a dedicated fixed-gear and singlespeed rider and doesn't even own a geared bike. Now suddenly he wants to ride all the way to Chicago, so he expects people to fall all over themselves to equip him with a geared bike. Frankly, I think the "geared bike culture" should turn on this person the same way the "fixed-gear culture" turned on those "TRAkTION" guys last week. I don't ride around on geared bikes exclusively, backpedaling furiously at red lights in order to rub my ability to coast in fixed-gear riders' faces (backpedaling furiously at red lights is the "geared bike culture" equivalent of trackstanding) and then suddenly demand cycledom provide me with a fixed-gear bike because I've decided I want to do Monstertrack. What ever happened to starting small?

Also, cyclists who undertake ridiculously long bicycle trips seem to think that they're performing a public service and that other cyclists should help them and encourage them. They act like medieval heroes who are going off to slay some dragon, and they expect the village to give them provisions and a big sendoff and celebrate their bravery. I couldn't disagree more. I don't help strangers with their vacations to the Bahamas, so why should I help them with their recreational bike tours? It's like this guy has only snorkeled but now he wants to do a deep dive so he's looking for someone to hook him up with a cheap SCUBA tank.

Even worse than touring cyclists who don't own geared bikes are triathletes who don't own bikes at all:





Triathlon Bike Needed!!!
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2009-03-16, 11:27AM EDT


I am entered and I am training for the NYC Triathlon in July 2009. I have been on a tredmill and bike trainer all winter long...Now that it is nice I want to get on a BIKE and get used to it before the race. I have very little extra funds for a BIKE and would like beg, barrow, or deal for one until after the race is over. I am 5'10" and looking for something that would be a good fit. Hopefully someone looking to get rid of a BIKE or let me barrow one can help.


I live in Queens and work in Midtown so I can meet almost anywhere for someone willing to help out...


Why is it that some people feel they need to go from not owning a bicycle at all to competing on one? What's wrong with simply owning and riding a bike for awhile first, and maybe doing a running race in the meantime? By the way, the New York City Triathlon is a huge event--over 3,000 people "compete" in it. I cannot imagine anything more frightening than riding my bike around thousands of anaerobic people wearing Lt. Dangle shorts, some of whom did not even own bikes prior to the event.

Anyway, there are plenty of tri bikes on Craigslist this person can purchase--like this one:



This is a sweet ride and is truly state-of-the-art:

First of all, nothing says "speed" like a disc wheel and aerobars coupled with mountain bike pedals. Secondly, note the saddle with the cutout extending all the way through the nose. This is actually a "clipless saddle system" and it's the very latest in time trial technology, though it's difficult to describe without getting too graphic. Basically, the way it works is that the rider hangs his "pants yabbies" in front of the saddle and then slides back, thus locking the crotchal region securely to the saddle--kind of like a door chain lock. In order to release, the rider simply slides forward again. Obviously, no cleat is required, as the "pants yabbies" are effectively the cleat, though you do need to wear the new crotchless cycling shorts. At the moment clipless tri saddles are only available for men, but I understand a new unisex prototype with a totally new engagement system is currently in the works (though word in tri circles is that it can severely compromise performance during the running portion of the race).

Once you've mounted the bike and you're securely locked to the saddle, you then place your forearms on the forearm pads and slowly insert the hydration tube at the front of your bike down your throat. Coming out of your aero tuck to drink can cost precious seconds, and this way you don't have to move. It may not sound like fun, but there's nothing "fun" about improving your personal best.

Lastly, I've just learned from readers that Cannondale has actually been forced to recall a number of bicycles because they are missing their pie plates:


These are pretty high-end bikes, so you'd think a lack of pie plates would be a desirable feature--kind of like seedless grapes. But no, I guess the law calls for "nerd rotors," since they "prevent the bicycle chain from interfering or suddenly stopping the wheel." Yet Cannondale is completely free to sell these pie-plateless machines.

I guess chains don't interfere with the wheel as long as they're purple.

112 comments:

fixedgearfotofreak said...

1st!!!

Anonymous said...

whoot!

3 said...

up in here

Anonymous said...

Randonneur!

Anonymous said...

Giggitygoo!

smovlov said...

top ten!!

worm irks said...

All you haters breathe deeply.

Pack Phil said...

Top Ten

Nick said...

Top Ten

agent detroit said...

top 10?

innerlighter said...

The comments board is like a style magazine. The 1st 25% of it is all ads, and you have to get pretty deep into it to find any substance.

Well, except when Ant1 wins a moral victory for the intelligent commenters everywhere.


great googly moogly

and boom goes the dynamite

et al

witty commenter said...

witty comment deleted

carlos said...

nobody read this before you leave comments!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

me again said...

tri pies

RMM said...

We anxiously await the introduction of the female specific clipless saddle.

Perhaps it will incorporate this design:


http://imagesforum.doctissimo.fr/mesimages/934024/dildo_bike.jpg

flaco said...

woulda won, but couldn't get out of my seat , and let me tell ya, you know how a lot of people fall first time clipped into pedals? same with this, but really painful

Anonymous said...

now I'm having flashbacks of the South Park bike

thanks a million

Anonymous said...

"Simple bikes can do amazing things. Like riding backwards, bouncing on a rear wheel, and even standing motionless. Tricks that would be all but impossible on regular bikes."

Cause you can't do that on a freestyle bike, a trials bike, a mountain bike, a BMX bike, a unicycle, etc. etc . . .
Why are fix-gear rubbers/rockers so closed minded as to think that the fix-gear is the ONLY bicycle in existence. That no other bicycle design that came before even matters. Maybe they all have ADD. Maybe their pants are so tight that they cuts off circulation? Maybe they need to realize that to the 20-inch crowd (that invented 99% of the tricks they are are assimilating as their own) they look like the ultimate group of poseurs and fashion victims trying to do decades on a freakin' 10-speed.

Fix-gear tricksters are to BMX flatlanders as Rollerbladers are to skateboarders.

ez said...

I'd have to say, the flogging the dead equine of fixed gear hypocrisy is a getting a bit tired... there is over one hundred years of cycling history, countless fads, countless varieties of cycling. Isn't there something else you could talk about?

Last week's post on the TRAkTion teaser was much better... almost like comparing Byron to bawdy bathroom wall limericks.

(Also, that's pretty lame that you haven't seen those fully split saddles before, they've been out for years. I thought you'd be up on bike gear.)

shmaltz herring said...

Fixed gear culture isn't worthy of even a "metaphorical" Altamont moment. Consider the real Altamont:

"Fueled by LSD and amphetamines, the crowd had also become antagonistic and unpredictable, attacking each other, the Angels, and the performers. By the time the Rolling Stones took stage, the mood had taken a decidedly ugly turn, and numerous fights had erupted both between Angels and crowd members and within the crowd itself. Denise Jewkes of local San Francisco rock band Ace of Cups, six months pregnant, was hit in the head by an empty beer bottle thrown from the crowd and suffered a fractured skull. The Angels proceeded to arm themselves with sawn-off weighted pool cues and motorcycle chains to drive the crowd further back from the stage. A huge circus performer weighing over 350 pounds and hallucinating on LSD stripped naked and ran berserk through the crowd toward the stage, knocking guests in all directions, prompting a group of Angels to leap from the stage and club him unconscious."

This actually sounds cool. Too bad I'm too late to join that subculture as well.

ez said...

Koobi saddles, I mean.

"Maybe they all have ADD. Maybe their pants are so tight that they cuts off circulation? Maybe they need to realize that to the 20-inch crowd (that invented 99% of the tricks they are are assimilating as their own) they look like the ultimate group of poseurs and fashion victims trying to do decades on a freakin' 10-speed."

Oh now that's just lazy and ignorant. Anyone so willing to marginalize a group of people has serious problems.

No one cares that you can do tricks better on a 20", that isn't the point.

Anonymous said...

you corruct use of "rub" confused me after all this rubbing biznizz

innerlighter said...

Frilly excepted, the Craigslist post for a tri bike goes a long way toward explaining the bike handling skills.

I'm tempted to enter a triathalon just for the comedy show on the bike leg.

That is, if I even survived the swim, which could work to my benefit. All the otherwise fast people would either drown from laughing at me in the water, or would be too busy gossiping about the (whatever a newbie triathelete is called) flailing around on the swim, and then I'd smoke 'em on the bike, with enough cushion for the run.


Then again, that seems like a lot of trouble to go to when I could just grab a beer and watch King of the Hill episodes at the library with red, ricky and jolene.


meh.

ant1 said...

ez - regarding the saddle, look at the picture again, it's pretty lame that you can't see that it's not fully split. In your defence, though, it is pretty cool that you're willing to criticize someone over it.

Luck E. said...

I'm thinking of starting a tri-bike rescue program.


A

Slappy said...

Ouch, the thought of the Tri Clipless Saddle creeps me out.

Bill said...

a tribi? a vitrigin? a trinkle in your mother's eye? damn, sorry innerlighter, i just don't know what that would be called.... a trial something? an aerobie? trini lopez? yeah, i got nothin,

Anonymous said...

Loan a bike to a "triathlete" that has little to no actual riding experience!?!?!?!? I wouldn't loan one to any of the guys that have been "riding" for years. What is it about these idiots that that can't figure out how to ride a bike? Swimming is much more technical than riding a bike and they seem to do OK with that...

Mutt said...

I would never let my dog ride a bycicle anywhere near that deli. I would, however, allow my dog to teach the deli owner how to use spellcheck for future signs. Perhaps he would allow crabon bycicles, though.

Anonymous said...

So glad I sold my Cannondale to a triathlete last summer.

Bill said...

i've got it! it's someone with a brain, common sense, and a personality!

Disgruntled Ed. said...

The saddest thing about the guy who wants a bike to ride "out west" is that it is strictly a one-way trip. Presumably that bike is going to get tossed into Lake Michigan as soon as our man gets there.

Snob, have you read Haruki Murakami's 'What I Talk About When I Talk About Running'? There is some discussion on how much he hates cycling, which he is obliged to do when he races triathlons. Cycling is torture. That aside, you would enjoy it for his throughts on writing/running which could as easily be writing/cycling if he didn't hate it so much.

If Murakami is a triathlete they aren't all bad.

Anonymous said...

...totally almost bought a late 90's Klein Quantum that had been converted into a tri-geek machine, to put it out of it's misery. I figure sell the aerobars, and rear mount bottles, throw some normal drops and a decent looking seat and it would be a fun commuter.

Anonymous said...

drunk already wooooo!

Wrench Monkey said...

Snob, What's w/ all the hate? Just because someone is a dumb, sanctimonious poseur is no reason to look down on them, is it? Btw, that saddle is a big improvement over the old style system which required having a clip surgically attached to your crotchal region; it was suitable for both genders though.

broomie said...

EZ,

The saddle pictured is the ADAMO, not a Koobi.

WheelDancer said...

That is actually a "safety" clipless saddle. In this version the safety issues associated with the original clipless saddles that have the slot in the rear of the saddle have mostly been mitigated. Crashes with this design cause immediate release of the rider rather than freeing the rider of his "pants yabbies".

Since it's well documented that only fixed gear bikes can go backwards, this saddle is a giant leap forward in cycling technology. It is fortunate that we are past the "Fixed-Gear Golden Age" so the chance of this safety clipless saddle being installed on a fixed gear bike are remote outside of Craig's List anyway...

Anonymous said...

innerlighter,

she still won't sleep with you.

MINGUStheMECHANIC said...

Wasn't commie tryin to hunt u down this week snobby?

wishiwasmerckx said...

I openwed the babboon picture yesterday, and now I have a virus on my computer...monkey pox.

Anonymous said...

That video was made by a kid at the UO journalism school, so lame, collins is a great shop though, and sean is a great rider.

broomie said...

The spending the winter indoors on a treadmill, brings you no clser to being a triathlete than arriving at the gym makes you a body builder. I think it best to to identify the poster as a person wanting to do a triathlon.

For better or for worse, short course triathlon is much more inclusive than road racing. But trust me, even on a 3 loop short course packed with newbies, a Cat 4 crit is a far more dangerous place to be, and a lot less friendly.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Mingus,

I should be easy to spot--I'm the person rocking the "old skool" platform saddle.

--RTMS

flaco said...

my favorite part of the video is sean's imitation of someone riding a fixie for the first time. priceless. comic genius.

Anonymous said...

Uncycling clipless/ clip in/ sit on system

Ronsonic said...

Anonymous 1:17

"Why are fix-gear rubbers/rockers so closed minded as to think that the fix-gear is the ONLY bicycle in existence. That no other bicycle design that came before even matters."

Because they don't otherwise know anything about bikes or have anything whatever to do with other forms of cycling. The fixies are probably their first and only bikes since dad bought something from a department store.

They "feel at one with the bike" because they've never been clipped in before. They can do tricks not possible on any other kind of bike because they've never really ridden any other kind of bike long enough to get any good with it. They are young enough that they can't recall coaster brakes on anything other than a bmx like bike, so don't know that long skids are old hat.

Cool The Kid said...

A few days ago I saw a dude on a fixie crash in between a parked car and a double parked car. He was fine. Wonder if he still subscribes to the brakeless zen theory

I still ride fixed cause 1. I dont feel bad about leaving my PAke outside and 2. If I sold it I couldn't get a comparable road bike, sadly. I look forward to the recession flooding CL with parts from once paternally funded + now broke Bedford Ave bikewalkers...

overit said...

this blog's about as original as a new AC/DC song.

Anonymous said...

i've been dreading the day the fixed gear hipsters turn-on to derailleurs.

and... murakami sucked even before i learned he did triathlons, but it does help explain his crap-ass writing... long, dull, purposeless with a bunch of arbitrary rules enforcing the ennui.

ant1 said...

To whoever said:
"Why are fix-gear rubbers/rockers so closed minded as to think that the fix-gear is the ONLY bicycle in existence. That no other bicycle design that came before even matters." and ronsonic -

Weren't the first bikes fixed, then came the invention of the freewheel?

just askin'

Udder said...

That Leader tri bike looks like something designed and built in the USSR in the 60s.

Roachman said...

But the Tri newbie wrote that he wants to barrow a bike, perhaps what he wants is someone to ride him around in one of these

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Anon 2:40,

Anything good on TV? Well, have a nice day.

AskReamer said...

Amen, I'm so sick of these charity riding assholes hitting me up for money every time I open my email. So much so, that I decided to do one myself, ironically, of course.

I'll be doing the AIDS Lifecycle from SF to LA on a p-far with deep section rims that reads All You Low T-cell Counts Suck My Balls and a TTMBL, but only because they're required. I'll stop every chance I get to practice backwards circles and shotgun a beer. When I arrive in LA, 7 days after the 7 days i've been allotted for the ride, I'll cock the flatbrim I've been wearing under my helmet (also required), don my hood, and wonder who is going to present me with a customized Messenger bag for my achievments.

Sooo, Snob-Community, are you strong enough to help me slay the dragon? Do you hate safe sex enough to have it any other way?

http://www.tofighthiv.org/goto/team_ream

sendmesnuggie said...

" long, dull, purposeless with a bunch of arbitrary rules enforcing the ennui." I'm glad to see that you don't adhere to those rules, otherwise known as grammar, and style. Fine if it's not your thing, but he certainly doesn't "suck" and your way with words doesn't exactly lend you credibility.

trevor said...

Being from Eugene and riding a fixed-gear i can say that i have seen one of those riders at any of the races or rides that get put together for fixed-gear riders. That video was made by a bunch of University of Oregon students who probably dont even live here anymore. what a poor poor video of how great this city is and how very few of the riders here are hipster bitches.

g said...

I wasn't going to look at the crotchless bike shorts, but then felt I had to for the sake of accuracy. I thought I remembered it as more of a 'pick a side' kind of set up (didn't look that close at the original image to realize the yellow cover were just wonder woman underoos) and that might have made the new saddle a bit more difficult to use if you chose to split your vote as it were. Or, maybe, it would have made it more secure?

Morgan said...

That Cannondale Capo doesn't need a 1512.9(b) Derailleur guard, but it does need a chain guard according to 16 CFR 1512.9(a)

Toxteth said...

Is there a twist and pull version of the clipless saddle? Maybe if the saddle were to remove itself from the seat post when you release...that way you can keep the saddle with you - albeit walking a little funny but I think there's something here...

Anonymous said...

yeeeess the internet knows about eugene, ahhh yess the joy we are now recognized as the fixie mecca of the west coast now all the hipsters will visit along their pilgramage to portland/seattle thanks bike snob

Mcbuike said...

SLAI NTE'

fual i need ot stop drinaking

Anonymous said...

Never seen a road fork on a mtb before....

frilly said...

Innerlighter--You have my race strategy down perfectly. Meh swim, rock the bike, and just get through the run somehow. I kind of Alberto'd on the run portion of the one I did in January, so lesson learned.

As for the comment about still not sleeping with you, sheesh, I didn't realize I had picked up a shadchan along the way.

Strayhorn said...

RE: C-dale. Wow. Just wow. If I wrote a four-figure check for a bike and it had a plastic pie-plate on it I'd probably start riding in a Polo shirt as well.

I mean, C-dale has long put beginner-grade components on good frames to achieve a price point (and prepping new riders to become serial upgraders as well) but a pie plate is right up there with lawyer lips - except much harder to file off.

Critical Ass said...

***Fixed-gears have a "direct drive system similar to a tricycle";***


....which includes the rider

lounge act said...

please tell me how hanging out on a track bike doing tricks is any different from hanging out and hacky sacking?

Anonymous said...

sweet 69! or sour, if you prefer...

Anonymous said...

um. i sometimes pedal backwards on my geared bicycle... i didn't even realize i was doing a trackstand....


uh oh.

Critical Ass said...

***And don't try to bounce on your rear wheel or stand motionless on a non-fixed-gear bike. I think you'll find it totally impossible.
****


...totally impossible unless you are stopped on a hill

ant1 said...

Direct drive = no chain/belt. Tricycle/big wheel/unicycle/pfar = direct drive, fixed gear = chain drive.

Hannah said...

NYC Tri entry costs at least $225. That'll buy a bike at Recycle-A-Bicycle. You have to question the logic of someone who would rather spend money on triathlon entry than owning a bike.

jolene said...

if i wnat ser durnk rite now i wud tell u is cute but you no wwhat i got sthe best meth at the gateway mall and some shoes at the same time bu t that was actually not at the same time it was about 15 minits appart but you get what i try to say but rilly i want to get some tonite but thats up to red and ricky bbba bouy howdey i am wet er than a unfendered fix bike rider in eugene in yor pants fuck you i aint done i need to have a nother lemonade and vokka and a beer and shut up godammit clint i get that my thong is up and you aint gettin none

bikesgonewild said...

...ah, sure an' it's slainte' right back at ya, mcbuike...

...other than mcsnob's quaint little allusion to st paddy's, what w/ the wee foto mentionin' corned beef on a rye bagel for christ's sake, there t'ain't no one even offering a "top o the marnin' to ya"...

...aye & it's a sad fookin' day when a man fron the ol' sod ain't offerin' ta stand another man from eire to a fine guiness ta celebrate the wearin' a' the green on this fine, fine day...

...fookin' sad is what it is lads...what would yer dear sainted mathers be sayin' about ya, eh ???...

mikey said...

Snob:

Note the phresh spelling of bycicle in the first photo, which makes it that much more entertaining.

7sp said...

He is so cute and earnest

Anonymous said...

How did this site turn into Trailer Trash Dating Game?

Anonymous said...

I feel totally connected to my giant balls!

Anonymous said...

And at one with my chuff nuts.

DorkDorkdork said...

Jolene, Red, and Ricki

Still amusing...

red neckerson said...

hey jolene im drinking my cocktail get it of oxycontin viagra and starbucks and were gonna partey tonite and i aint even no ay rab

by the way no guy who wants to walk around with his nuts attached gos by the name of ricki its ricky you dumass

Andy Pandy said...

Given your noted association with the tri arena and your gender, Frills we reckon you should put up your hand to ride the female specific tr idork saddle and post a video... just volunteerin. Should send the flirt-o-meter needle into another dimension

Clayton said...

I moved to Eugene from NYC (sigh). It's interesting. One can tell pretty easily that the fixed-gear freestyle crowd here has watched all the videos of the folks bobbing through traffic in Manhattan. It's almost like they look for traffic and pedestrians in order to imitate the videos. That, and it's more common to see a dolled up fixed-gear on the sidewalk than on the road here in Eugene. On my ride back from work today I saw two idiots doing track stands at crosswalks on the sidewalk waiting for the signal. It's absurd, but a typical sight in Eugene. These ass-hats try to race everybody, too, but are typically pretty slow. And finally, Eugene is pretty much the worst place on earth.

Anonymous said...

I hope the non riding triathlete does get his bike. Better he crash into a bunch of other trigeeks than me. Or better yet, maybe he can get a tribike to train on before the race and crash into the guy who was riding the geared bike (preferably new cannondale missing pie plate) that he wanted. And the geared bike guy can get back on his bike after the crash not noticing that his derailleur hanger has been slightly bent and being unused to gears throw his chain into the spokes because his pie plate was missing. And then the fixed gear rider with no gears and brakes can skid and crash into him. And then they both can sue cannondale for a purple chain bike.

Anonymous said...

Re: Clayton: agreed 100% on all accounts. Also a Eugene transplant... fuck this town! Atleast the scenery is nice once you leave though.

Re: Trevor, that video wasn't made by a "bunch of UO students", it was made by a single journalism student, who, incidentally, isn't a cyclist. That's probably why the narration is so shallow. Oh, and if you haven't seen any of those riders in the races, you ain't lookin hard enough boy. AYHSMB

innerlighter said...

Nice socks Frill.

And anyway, that Anon Shadchan needn't quit his day job. We may both ride road, but you're a tri-girl, and I mountain bike.

It'd never work out.


"...crabs walk sideways, and lobsters walk straight..."

Anonymous said...

The bike polo players luke and Shaun are the only people in that video that actually ride

Bobbo said...

fixies...a group of individualists

BikeLemming said...

How can someone who is too lazy to even search the For Sale items, instead opting to post in the WTB section and hope people approach him with a stellar deal, have enough energy to attempt a triathlon?

This lonely fella probably also prefers to sit at the bar and let women come to him, which sadly never happens as he goes home to his cat...

anon 2:11 said...

Regarding the stupidity that is refering to a fixed gear as "having no gears" I submit this from my short stint into the archives of this illustrious blog.

"As for my own sleep, it is now plagued by nightmares of hordes of undead roaming the streets of Brooklyn on bicycles, mumbling these words as they eat the geared drivetrains of the living."
-BSNYC

ant1 said...

2:11, what's wrong with that statement? I don't see where it refers to fixies as having no gears.

ant1 said...

by the way, it's nice to have you back 2:11.

Anonymous said...

Hey, that cat is the best pussy I ever had.

kale said...

Anon 2:11-

As long as the distinction between geered and geared remains intact, the undead can remain ungeared.

Maybe it's just that once you get more than a cog and a chainring, you get a geared bike. The critical mass is reached at three, because once you hit that, it's like hitting a crackpipe - you can't stop.

frilly said...

Oh, okay, so if any of the mtb boys try to talk to me at the races this weekend, I should just walkaway. Straight away. BE the lobster.

btw, my bike does not have aero bars, so I guess I'm a closet tri-girl. My dirty little secret.

Hey, AP, not a chance. Just the idea makes me quiver. And not in a good way.

Anonymous said...

Actually as much as Cannodale would like to sell the Crapo no one is buying it? Maybe the it is the lack of "Nerd Rotor". It couldn't be the lavender chain and white rims because that makes the Crapo just as ugly as all of the other fixed gears that have now come into fashion.

The Anti-Skid

wishiwasmerckx said...

Kale, you can't stop til you hit 3 in the front and 11 in the back.

anon 2:11 said...

I'm always here. But I try not to rehash the same tired diatribe as little as possible unlike a certain someone I could name.

And if you don't the the Pot chasing the Kettle there then I don't know what to do for you.

Consistency people, you lack consistency.

Anonymous said...

A message to poor little "EZ"

Actually I think there is a fuck ton of people that REALLY care that 20inchers can do and have been doing those tricks for sooo much longer than you people.

It sounds like your fixie crowd are the ones having a hard time ACCEPTING the truth.

Sorry but making as many YOUTUBE movies as you possible can won't change history or the fact that fixie tricks are BORING!!!

P.S. dear ANT1, I do believe that the High bikes and hobby Horses came first. They were so hardcore that they didn't have ANY GEARS!! Then the Safety Cycle. The old timers used the fixed gear to go up and the freewheel side of there flip-flop hub to go down the mountain. At least that's what Mr. Campagnolo claims. I wasn't there...

The Anti-Skid

Anonymous said...

Anon 2:11, you are still a tiresome DICK.

Alexander said...

Well I'm proud to finally have a stupid video from my town featured on this most prominent ironic bike blog.

all your bikesnob are belong to Eugene

**hippie hugs**

Anonymous said...

hell yeah, that was me WITH the break... miss that bike...

Brain Drain said...

To all of you hating on the KIDS on their bikes, thanks! they are kids who think its cool. It was a freshman journalism project which is pretty obvious if you know where Bike Snob got it from. YES they are all U of O kids with WAY too nice of bikes. but no they did not grow up watching the videos of New York fixie riders weaving through traffic idolizing them, they grew up weaving through Portland traffic and growing up in a city that made them love biking. Thanks for trying to take that away from them and harshing them over the internet. I'm glad someone is putting something positive out there about biking instead of this pointless garbage that is going on in this forum. Keep on hating, I'll be riding. thanx

Warrior said...

I am very late to this post, but I roared out laughing.... thank you. I will keep the saddle I have methinks...

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Samuel said...

"This is actually a "clipless saddle system" and it's the very latest in time trial technology, though it's difficult to describe without getting too graphic. Basically, the way it works is that the rider hangs his "pants yabbies" in front of the saddle and then slides back, thus locking the crotchal region securely to the saddle--kind of like a door chain lock. In order to release, the rider simply slides forward again. Obviously, no cleat is required, as the "pants yabbies" are effectively the cleat, though you do need to wear the new crotchless cycling shorts. At the moment clipless tri saddles are only available for men, but I understand a new unisex prototype with a totally new engagement system is currently in the works (though word in tri circles is that it can severely compromise performance during the running portion of the race)."

Just about died laughing from this, curse you.

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