Thank you very much for your order request on the Gold bike crystal edition. Pls. confirm your request be returning this email.
We will hereafter inform you about the further order process.
Frankly, I was disappointed at being addressed as "sender" when making a transaction at this level, and would have expected more personalized (and fawning) service. Still, my desire to own the Gold Bike Crystal Edition grows stronger with each day, so despite my irritation I dictated the following reply to my helper monkey, Vito:
Thank you for your speedy reply. Yes, I am very interested in the Gold Bike Crystal Edition.
As the author of a widely-read cycling blog, I have considerable experience with exotic theme bikes and recently reviewed the Scattante Empire State Courier from luxury retailer Performance. Though I'm very selective about which products I review, I would be willing to test the Gold Bike Crystal Edition because, like the Scattante, I feel it is truly something special.
I will evaluate the White Glove Service experience as well as the appearance, craftsmanship, and ride quality of the bicycle itself. As a bicycle commuter, I'm also particularly interested in using the Gold Bike Crystal Edition in this capacity and seeing how the gold finish and Swarovski crystals withstand the rigors of inclement weather, frequent locking, etc. Another possibility would be to test the Gold Bike Crystal Edition alongside a silver bike and a bronze bike in a "Precious Metal Bike Shootout." In either case, I have no doubt that if the bicycle is half as beautiful as it appears on your website my favorable review will be worth its weight in gold to your company!
Please confirm your interest and we can work out the details. I look forward to receiving your reply, and I'm happy to answer any questions you may have.
I'm confident that this should do the trick. But just in case it doesn't, I have both a "plan B" and a "plan C." Plan B came to me when I stumbled upon this ad:
WTB Surly Long Haul Trucker LHT - $1000000 (anywhere)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2009-03-05, 1:28PM EST
im looking for either a 60 or 62cm Surly LHT complete or frame and fork. Condition isnt much of an issue. Willing to pay cash or trade or both. I have some fixxed gear stuff... call 413 210 [deleted] or email me.
This is nothing less than a godsend! This person is willing to pay one million dollars for a Surly Long Haul Trucker! A quick visit to a popular search engine reveals that you can buy a brand new, complete LHT for like $1,000. So all I need to do is buy the LHT and sell it to this guy. For a relatively small $1,000 investment I'll make a net profit of $999,000! So even if I'm forced to actually pay for the Gold Bike Crystal Edition I'll still wind up with $899,000. And that means just one thing: major upgrades.
Plan C is a little more speculative, but I still think there's potential:
This is an Investment Opportunity for Cyclists - $5000 (Greenwich)
Reply to: email@example.com [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-03-01, 10:21AM EST
I'm starting a business in the cycling industry and am seeking help from my fellow cyclists first before heading to the bank for a loan.
As an investor, you will: earn a return on your investment, receive cash bonuses when we reach sales goals, and of course be able to make purchases at wholesale cost for life! The discount alone will pay off your investment if you are a very avid cyclist.
If you are interested reply to this posting. I will give you the details, then forward the Business plan and terms sheet.
Thanks a ton,
I look forward to hearing from you!
I contacted this person awhile back but haven't received a reply. Still, I'm quite sure he's legit, and the possibility that this is some kind of cycling Ponzi scheme never entered my mind. I've even included his contact information in case you'd like to get involved as well. I was thinking that when the dollars start rolling in I'd get myself a Vanilla. However, that seems a little pedestrian. Instead, I think I'll just pay Sacha White himself to carry me around on his shoulders. Why drink bottled water when you can just dunk your head in the spring itself?
In the meantime, I figure I'll pester you with a quiz. As usual, study the item, contemplate the question, and click on your answer. If you're right, you'll not only see the item but you'll also feel good about yourself. If you're wrong, you'll see this guy teach you how to play a Slayer song.
Ride safe this weekend, and whatever you run/rock/rub/roll/slay, run/rock/rub/roll/slay it well.
1) This bike belongs to which professional cyclist?
2) What's not a crime?
--Rocking a p-far
3) Where was this photo taken?
--Park Slope, Brooklyn
4) In which US state was this massive carcake spotted?
5) Where can you purchase this Schwinn Varsity conversion complete with stem-mounted shifters set up as brake levers?
6) Fill in the blank:
"Our goal is to make a significant contribution to the equipment and culture of urban cycling. This is not a cash in, this is not a fad, this our life, our love, our community and our dream. We are a company of riders making products for other riders. We share a lifelong passion for the machines, the people who ride them, and the positive changes both can effect in this world.
Long live track bikes, long live single speeds, long live bicycle culture, long live _______."
--Milwaukee Bicycle Co.
7) Where can you buy this tall bike, and for how much?
--Nowhere and for no price. Outlaw bike culture is not for sale.
--Portland, OR Craigslist, $75
--Affinity Cycles in Brooklyn, NY, $650
--Sotheby's auction house, $24,000
8) What's wrong with this locking job?
--When locking your bicycle by its cable housing, always use a u-lock
--The owner only passed the lock through one of the cables instead of all three
--That sweet front reflector is completely unsecured
--All of the above
***Special delusional roadie bonus training question!***
You're an amateur bike racer setting up your new power meter. According to coach Frank Overton, which of the following is not a place he recommends going for a 20-minute field test to "determine your power at threshold"?
--Boulder Colorado: Flagstaff Road
--Tuscany: the Monte Serra
--San Diego: Mt. Palomar
--Arizona: Mt. Lemmon
--Your local climb