Thursday, February 19, 2009

Laissez-Fairing: Rules vs. Aerodynamics

Yesterday while awheel on the Ironic Orange Julius Bike, I stopped for a red light at a busy downtown Manhattan intersection. Despite my total lack of tweed and my overall contemporary appearance, I must have cut an approachable figure, because I was approached by a fellow cyclist on an SE Draft or Lager or Pilsner or similar.

"Will the police give me a ticket for going through a red light?," she asked.

I assured them that they could, and if they felt like it they most certainly would.

"How much is the fine?"

I explained it was in the low three figures, which she found shocking. "Have you ever gotten a ticket for this?," she wanted to know.

I assured her that I had.

At this point I detected a European accent of some kind, and it was clear from her tone that she was shocked by our city's draconian traffic laws. She next pointed to the lime green bike lane upon which we stood.

"What about here? What if I ride against traffic? Will they give me a ticket for that?"

I explained that this too might potentially result in a ticket; moreover, it would also result in irritating other cyclists such as myself, as well as possibly cause her to be hit by a car.

This she simply laughed off, as if the notion of a motor vehicle reducing her and her SE to a twisted, bloody, hi-ten wreck was totally impossible. She then exclaimed proudly, "I'm Dutch!"

Ah, yes. We American cyclists are constantly subjected to stories of the cycling paradise which is Holland, where people pedal happily to and fro on bicycles without fear of injury, and where drivers are not only required to yield to cyclists but also to exit their vehicles and supplicate themselves before them, and where the junkies wash and detail riders' bikes instead of stealing them. Nothing bad could possibly happen to a Dutch person on a bicycle--in Holland. But New York City is another story. So I explained to her that while she may be Dutch that most of the drivers around her are not, and thus she might want to refrain from bike-salmoning.

At this point she clearly dismissed me as a curmudgeonly fussbudget, which I most assuredly am. However, this does not alter the fact that the vast majority of drivers in New York City are not Dutch--especially the cab drivers. They hail from places as disparate as Queens, New Jersey, Pakistan, and Somalia, but they all share two things in common: they will not hesitate to flatten a cyclist faster than you can say "unfortunate smelting accident;" and they certainly won't stop beforehand to make sure you're not Dutch.

Of course, the truth is that I was less concerned with her safety than I was about having to dodge yet another bike salmon. After all, visitors from abroad should at least be considerate of the locals. It's not like when we go to Amsterdam we take lots of drugs, knock on the prostitutes' windows while making obscene tongue gestures, and generally act like idiots. Actually, that's completely untrue--I've seen entire American families in Amsterdam do exactly that. But it's not as bad as bike-salmoning.

Still, it's not surprising. There's a rich tradition of Europeans coming to America and telling us what to do. The Dutch used to own Manhattan after all. Then the English took over and hit us with that dastardly Stamp Act, which was closely followed by the UCI "3:1" tech rule, which they threatened to enforce at the Tour of California before ultimately yielding:



But while I'm still smarting over that Stamp Act (stamp acts were invented by the Dutch, as it happens), I must say that I'm completely in favor of UCI tech rules. These rules are very important, because they prevent bike mutation. Similarly, doping rules are also important--not because they prevent cheating or keep riders healthy, but because they ultimately prevent more extreme forms of physical manipulation, like the surgical addition of a second pair of legs. If you don't believe that UCI rules save us from rolling abominations, consider the Trek Y-Foil:


If the UCI had not banned this frame design, the Great Trek Bicycle Making Company might still be selling this bicycle today. Even so, as the website points out, two years was long enough for this hideous contraption to gain a "cult following" (yes, there are sick people out there who like these things) which is why you may have seen "street art" such as this in the darker alleys of your city:


By the way, Y-Foil cult members are a twisted sort indeed. Never mind their love of triple cranksets; urban myth also holds that they use the frame's ungodly seat-tube-less design for animal sacrifice. First, they place the offering in the void where the seat tube should be. Next, they loosen the seat post clamp. Then, in one swift motion, they effectively use the post as a stunbolt gun, killing the unfortunate beast. Finally, the offering is burned, and its effluvium is wafted towards an idol of their dark god, Trek CEO John Burke.

Here is the gilded Y-Foil of a high priest, complete with Mektronic demon horns:



(Pure, unadulterated, dork-tastic evil)

Here are a couple of cult members, their CamelBaks undoubtedly filled with blood:



If you're wondering why Trek was never punished for making the Y-Foil, it's because they didn't make the Y-Foil. Y-Foils actually occur naturally in the Wisconsin Central Plain, and were simply hunted by Trek engineers:



The above photo shows a wild Y-Foil on a grassy plain. Unfettered by portly riders with fanny packs, these beasts can move at incredible speeds, though the presence of downtube and handlebar branding indicates this particular Y-Foil may have been born in captivity. The inset shows another wild Y-Foil pausing by a pond for a drink. It's clearly a female, as her under-saddle mating pouch is red and engorged, alerting males to the fact that she is in heat.

Now that they're no longer hunted by Trek, wild Y-Foils occasionally mate with stray domesticated bikes whose owners have not neutered them. This is a growing problem, as it can result in offspring like this:


Fortunately, such bicycles are almost always sterile.

Despite the UCI ban on Y-Foil use, there is still a black market for illegally-hunted Y-Foils, as evidenced by this Craigslist ad:





Trek Y-Foil 77 Carbon-frame Triathlon Bike + accessories - $750 (Chelsea)
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2009-02-18, 12:04PM EST


Trek Y-Foil 77: 60 cm Carbon-frame with aero bars, dura-ace components, Rolf Vector wheels.
Includes on-board CO2 refills and patch/repair kit w/ 2 tubes This bike is CRAZY FAST!!! Great deal for novice to intermediate triathletes. Original price was $6000+

Also available:
Pearl Izumi Tri-R2 shoes (with pedal cleats), size US12/Eur45.5...only worn twice! Pump and helmet.





Note some distinguishing marks of the Y-Foil:


So while UCI rules may seem arbitrary, just remember that they've got the best interests of all cyclists at heart. Some innovations simply should not be allowed, lest they "trickle down" to the masses. Had they not banned the Y-Foil, it might have become the norm instead of a freakish cult. After all, without rules there's anarchy. Not the "fashionable" pretend version that Rock Racing endorses, which simply involves following all the rules while displaying an anarchy sign. No, I'm talking about actual anarchy, and I don't think we're ready for that. As chafing as rules can be, without limits on wheel size, and bicycle weight, and rider position, and frame design, we might all end up looking like this:




And that can't be allowed to happen.

151 comments:

Anonymous said...

podi???

BadBeard said...

Boo!

Mutt said...

Saw a Team 2 Wheel very nice post for you Snobby; great offer. Oh..and podium.

Mutt said...

Saw a Team 2 Wheel very nice post for you Snobby; great offer. Oh..and podium.

sprider said...

podium!

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Slappy said...

Ahh so close!

that guy said...

top ten!

killing it.

Mutt said...

Wow, something stuttered somewhere up there.

sprider said...

Drat! Just like Boonen.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten!

hillier99 said...

Asleep at the switch.

ZZzzzzzz....

ken e. said...

close! like where's my cigar?

Alf's dad said...

I wanna party with YOU Mike Ball!
Pack the pipe & don't wear a rubber.

Team Rider 3 said...

An Open Letter to BikeSnob: Team Two Wheel Blog

Will he take up the challenge and come to Spokane? Time will tell.

Rider 3

wishiwasmerckx said...

I actually own a Trek Y-22 mountain bike. Unlike the road version, it is dual-suspended, and is actually quite durable, functional and comfortable. Before today's post, I was proud of my Trek Y-frame. After reading today's post, I can't help but feel sort of dirty and ashamed.

The top-of-the-line mountain version was called the "Y-E-5-0," still one of the greatest names for a bike, ever.

hincappie said...

ah oooga

Bear Shirt said...

Believe me, snobby, it can get even uglier than the Y-foil - just look at this abomination

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Jim said...

>>>a curmudgeonly fussbudget,

Hmmmph. I had you pegged as a hopped-up hoodlum. Whatever.

>>>"I'm Dutch!"

Man, there are only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.

>>>[the abomination]

I knew that Dick Schwinn went through some rough times, but I didn't realize that they included a "Dr. Moreau" period where he mated Waterford frames to Softride seat pillars. Holy crap. That thing is as horrifying to look at as a giant weeping facial abscess. I can only hope that the bike, if you can call it that, ran itself off the nearest cliff after the photo session.

>>>>They hail from places as disparate as Queens, New Jersey, Pakistan, and Somalia

What about Eritreans? You got something against Eritreans? Racist!

>>>[picture of guy on Razr-based recumbent]

If a picture could talk... that picture would express embarassment about showing its contents in public.

Anonymous said...

Pack filler! Dammit!

Flawed Dog said...

top 20 ?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Wishiwasmerckx,

The mountain bike version isn't nearly as creepy. Plus you can't really apply aesthetic criteria to dual suspension bikes anyway.

--BSNYC

Bluenoser said...

Hey Snobbie,

Stop showing those kind of pics in these tough times or Fox Pools might start building bikes.

-B

Surly Bastard said...

"Red and engorged" gets me every time.

ant1 said...

Are the various team two wheel riders the multiple personalities of the OC?

Anonymous said...

Regarding that Waterford/Softride:

I can see the engineers employed parallelogramgulation, which is exactly twice as good as triangulation.

Nice call, Waterford. Nice call.

leroy said...

BSNYC -- are you sure that wasn't Mike Meyers you encounterd on First Avenue reprising the Goldmember character from his Austin Powers oeuvre?

Goldmember: "Yes I have a Dutch accent, isn't that weird?"

http://tinyurl.com/b4k7oa

I don't mean to be a downer. I know how thrilling it can be to encounter someone from another culture, a culture that treats cycling with respect.

A couple of months ago, I rode uptown with someone from Belgium who asked if I were European because I had signalled for the turn on to Allen Street after the Manhattan Bridge.

I was flattered.

Normally, folks don't mistake me for a European cyclist unless I'm wearing my lycra mankini.

http://tinyurl.com/6cdezp

shmaltz herring said...

That guy on the lowrider 'bent is actually a reincarnation of an ancient Mayan god whose likeness can be found amongst the ruins of Chichen Itza in the Yucatan:

http://pro.corbis.com/images/NW003500.jpg?size=67&uid=%7BC4A06FCF-5C37-41F3-AEA2-81BAD78BEB7F%7D

Fierce Panites said...

Y God!?!
Y (foil)?

Anonymous said...

that's not a parallelogram, it's a fucked up pentagram.

Obnoxitron said...

Isn't anarchy more the lack of rulers than the lack of rules...?

Anonymous said...

You think that's scary- look very carefully at the Lees McRae rider's bike
here.

Strayhorn said...

No mention of the Softride? Now there's a bike that's not only ugly, but changes the relationship between the saddle and the pedal with every stroke. Brilliant!

There are a couple in the area that turn up on Craigslist every couple weeks, a few dollars cheaper every time. If the price falls enough I may buy one to scare little children at Halloween.

MINGUStheMECHANIC said...

I gather that you were not red and engorged while talking to the duthchess, she must've been ugly or else you would have mentioned her appearance.

Asmara Joe said...

Jim 1:06

Spoken like a true American, "Jim."

You racist Americans are most racist towards other Americans of differing races.
To have prejudice against another nationality would be xenophobia. You stand corrected, sir.

We have races in our nation that one could certainly hold racist sentiments towards such as the Tigre peoples and the Nilotic. To hate a Nilotic of Eritrea would then be racist, and to hate all Eritreans is xenophobia.

I believe that you were most likely wanting to be clever rather than a silly American.

I am from Eritrea.

ChuckyLuv said...

A resounding lol... not the typed kind but the one that causes your cafe mates to look at you quizzically.

Anonymous said...

Mavic Mektronic give me wood.

NotProudToBeAmericanRightNow said...

damn, i have been so happy with my Gunnar Crosshairs over the past few years. After seeing that Waterford thingy (that's the only way to describe it) I may have to chuck it into the Sound after work and walk home.

kale said...

The only cyclist I know that had a logical reason for riding a Softride was a RAAM "racer". I guess her ass begins to ache a little after mile 1000.

Maybe logical is the wrong description.

NIck said...

I don't get it.

jolene said...

how did you know that red is engorged?

Anonymous said...

Anon 1:32-

Not to mention - Lance is sure making the rounds at bike races.

Fierce Panties said...

BSNYC 1:11

Agreed, the mt Y-frame Trek isn't as ugly as the nightmare road version, but really, what bike is?

And I must resceptfully disagree, there is a dual squish aesthetic. Compare a Magna Exhaust to a Next PowerX and you will see that the Exhaust is far superior.

Wrench Monkey said...

Those Treks are the visual equivalent of chewing on Y foil.

broomie said...

So, the looks I get while riding bare chested in yellow speedos on my 'classic' bare metal finish SoftRide are not looks of admiration?

I had Eritrea once, but fortunately the treament was successful.

erik k said...

its amazing how many fantastically ugly things cycling cultures has spawned over the years

wishiwasmerckx said...

Oh, ultimate arbitrer of bicycle taste, thank you for your kind words of reassurance. I have now wiped the tears from my face and can try to get on with my day.

If you go on craigslist, mine will be the one that says "Post deleted by author."

Anonymous said...

Asmara Joe, isn't your national dish made out of twigs and mud?

Anonymous said...

EFLU ENCE

John said...

Picking on foils again? Acually, since that's MY foil you're ridiculing, and my site that you've so graciously pirated from, I thought I would at least invade your space a bit.

That triple crankset left the bike over four years ago, replaced with a carbon Record double. I leave that photo up because I like pissing off pretentious poseurs. Looks like it worked again.

And as long as we're on cranksets, I don't ride in NYC. I ride in Kentucky, where we have these big, tall things called the Appalachian mountains. You need big gears to ride up them, though I suppose you could try on a fixie. Coming back down is a stone bitch, an experience you won't forget.

As for the Foil itself - I originally got it because it looked different, and it was dirt cheap for a CF frame, $500 back in 2001. Surely the bike snob can understand appearance for appearance's sake, he's built an entire web site on that. I'm doing the same thing, just in reverse. You ride a fixie because that's what all the urban snobs ride. I ride a foil partially because no one else rides one. And it's a pretty good bike, too. Fairly light, stiff BB, but easy on the behind.

Maybe it comes from growing up on a farm far from NYC, but this country boy thrives as much on individuality as you urban types do on uniformity.

So let's just agree to mutual provincial contempt. You keep ridiculing my flaming gold Foil, and I'll thank heavens I have more important thoughts on my mind than what frame design someone else rides. From my perspective, anyone propelling themselves on two wheels is doing something good. Anything beyond that is just a difference of opinion.

Anonymous said...

John,
Sorry about that chip on your shoulder. We like the bike, really we do. We're jealous. ESPECIALLY of the Record crankset.

Anonymous said...

Y-bikes, suspension or otherwise, are hideous. It is a bike designed to "look cool" first, work well second.

Klein Mantras are one of the few popular bikes to out ugly the Y-bike.

This thread has an amazing collection of bicycle abortions

CommieCanuck said...

Sigh...I owned a Y3 mountain bike, and I have to admit, at the time, I would have bought a Y-foil if I could have afforded one. It's one of those things that seems like the greatest, most awesome idea ever, and will never get old, like acid washed jeans and Barack Obama.

Ray Fool said...

For Immediate Release:

Trek Y-Foil joins the bicycle equipment Pantheon of Distain, accompanying bikes with long head tubes, pie plates, camelbaks, recumbents, helmet mirrors, sleeveless jerseys with arm warmers (the rarest of flowers), "freak" bikes, tweed, and sandals with road cleats.

smartypants said...

@Anon 2:44-

Do some research if you're going to join in the bashing, otherwise you come off as a far greater fool than those you attempt to bash.

"Foil" or "Y" bikes were banned specifically because they DID provide a significant performance benefit. Though some modern iterations of the concept might indeed be designed from a "looks" perspective (?) as you're implying, the origin of the concept was purely for performance. So basically, you're completely wrong.

For the record, I agree with RTMS regarding the aesthetics of these types of bikes; yet I can't help but be bugged that the UCI sees fit to arbitrarily create obscure regulations in an attempt to squash a narrow range of outrageous innovations, because they inevitably then apply those regulations to a far, far greater set of circumstances.

My own tri/tt bike, for instance, is not UCI legal (good thing I suck bad enough that this will never matter.) No, not because it's a "foil" bike, but rather because my saddle is too far forwards. I understand that they want to prevent people from creating 'bents or bikes where the rider is practically leaning forwards far enough to be in a prone position, but the arbitrary nature of the saddle position rule has created a situation where people attempting to adjust currently-available traditional frames to their own anatomy via sliding the saddle all the way forwards are likely to break the regulation.

Anonymous said...

John 2:something-

"...mountains. You need big gears to ride up them..."

Better get back to bussin' up dat chiffarobe an makin' sum sour mash.

Anonymous said...

I have a question, Smartypants. Be honest. Isn't that extreme -forward saddle position actually so that you can stick it further up your ass?

masshole said...

I posted under the wrong name earlier, sorry.

Anon 3:04

junkie2 said...

Coming back down is a stone bitch, an experience you won't forget.


yyeah man

red neckerson said...

hey john id invite you to come down to viper with me and ricky and jim bob joe bob billy bob and jolene but i bets you is one of them snobbie types that gots all yor teeth

were damm efficient down here lots of folks but only one type of dna

roads of kentucky is wonderful to ride except for all them damm dogs ill tell you what

Jason said...

Thank you snob...

jolene said...

he did tell me oncet he luved me bet that was he was a toothdoctor trina fix meh molarbite

lef me in his suport vehikkle all hotnbothered whil he braged to hisself about his penis

nothin to write home about if i could that is anyhows boy howdy

the baby names is john jr affer his pappy

bikesgonewild said...

...my, my, my...somebody in the ken-tuck appalachians is getting mighty touchy...easy, son...we'll send ol' red neckerson pedallin' by...what he rides will make ya feel all good inside about yer bike again......

...truth is, pour moi, i liked the shape of the y-foil when it was introduced...didn't like the gold or the blue paint schemes particularly but i thought about procuring one...

...now that i realize what an object of scorn & ridicule they are, i might have to look for one & set it up as my second one-speed townie...

...lightly sand the surface coat, rattle-can it 'rustoleum' satin black (not shiny, not flat), slap on a narrow straight bar & get some 'livewrong' & some '666' decals made up...

...voila !!!...one cool, sweet townie that offends all the purists...

...but hey...better 'n screwing up some beautiful classic lugged frameset...

abevigoda said...

John - I have some sympathy for your position, but....didn't you read the disclaimer, you know the "about bikesnob...while i have, blah, blah"...it absolves him of all responsibility, it's kinda the equivalent of saying "i'm only saying"

db said...

Hey, when in New Amsterdam...

smartypants said...

@Anon 3:04:

Curses! You figured me out. I'm a gay man who adores anal penetration via bike saddle. Pointing out the truth about UCI regulations and the origins of "weird" frame designs was all a clever ruse, designed to hide my fetish. Not clever enough, I see. Back to the drawing board.

Vanonymous said...

Doesn't the biker fox ride a y foil? Well that just validates it's coolness right there!

http://www.bikerfox.com/

BikeSnobNYC said...

John,

Good to hear from you, and of course I welcome the invasion. In case your indignation is sincere, I just wanted to reassure you that I'm simply hyperbolizing my disdain for the Y-Foil for literary effect. While they don't appeal to me, I certainly appreciate people have reasons for choosing them, and I'm sure some of them are actually valid.

By the way, I poke fun at fixed-gears way more than I poke fun at Y-Foils, since I do find appearance for appearance's sake irresitibly comical. Sorry if I hit a nerve, and rest assured any contempt is not mutual.

Respectfully,

--BSNYC

PS: Is it "pirating" your site if I link directly to it?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Ooh, I was comment 69!!!

--RTMS

BikeLemming said...

Awesome blog today, thanks for the link!

Bill said...

comment 69, and used the words 'welcome the invasion'....

kale said...

and "poke"

Bill said...

twice! and "hit," and "rest"

Bill said...

somehow I doubt that this will get me that "esteemed commenter" status...

kale said...

shit, the librarian saw me. I gotta get back to my homework.

d. fofonov said...

Babushka says she is thinking less of Mr. Snob Person for so humbly apologizing for being what Babushka lovingly referring as "Big Dickhead".

For me am grateful he is organizing my coming back into world fame like Mr. Armstrong.

Anonymous said...

...and hyperbolizing!

jza said...

Good God Mr. Snob! Would you please let my Softride be? I only ride it because my buddy who rode a Y-Foil in '96 said it was the only bike I could ride that he would allow in his Tiathlon club.

You see I have an extremely sensitive rectum, I could never ride a regular y-foil, or even one of those kestrel's with no seat tube. The softride bike is a godsend for those of us with problems of the rectum, taint or prostate.

Leave my bike alone!

Joe Goldberg said...

Have you seen this sideways bike:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0r2vYjo3SY

Anonymous said...

Y-Foils and Softrides-

The official whip of sloppy party bottoms everywhere...

Anonymous said...

Smartypants, lighten up.

Everyone here has been the object of RTMS scorn in one way or another. I myself have a penchant for pie plates and anodized aluminum. I also wear skinny jeans occasionally.

The key to survival in these here parts is to chuckle along uncomfortably (and silently) when the rapier-like wit touches a nerve. Rest assured that it will soon move on to skewer some less fortunate soul. And you can then go back to laughing out loud.

Anonymous said...

Funny that RTMS goes away from making fun of FGFS for two days and the roadies start to troll.

Mongo Pusher said...

Goubert!

smartypants said...

@Anon 4:10:

If you think I'm not chuckling right along with everyone else, then perhaps you should take my avatar image more seriously.

Translated:

ROFLCOPTERS!!111one one one juan111!!!!

grog said...

More fun than a barrel of Dutch.
You sure showed that John guy!
Goodone Snob.

bikesgonewild said...

...speaking of foils...

...it's my theory that the stolen lance-bike attempt was ultimately 'foiled 'cuz chad gerlach’s ol’ sacramento rummy pals stole it out of admiration for their bud gettin’ his shit together & going back to bike racin'...
...'here ya go, chad...we knowed ya was hurtin’ for a good bike n’ all, so we went out n' got ya a cool one...’sides, that lance guy’s got plenty of ‘em, right ???'...
..."ah, gee, thanks 'sterno' & 'three fingered jack', but maybe this particular bike oughta go back to the owner...i hear he's lookin' for it...real hard"...

...just a theory...

CommieCanuck said...

Smarty, there is a UCI legal way to fit on your TT bike, it just takes a little ingenuity.

CommieCanuck said...

Yarrr...I be pirating the Snob.

Yarrr.

Mark said...

Wow some hot dutch chick rolls up and starts flirting hard and all you could do is see how quickly you could shew her away?
Man she basically asked you to bend her over shine her rusty sheriff's badge!

Jim said...

John - it's a lovely machine. The Y-foil design is as beautiful and as pleasing to the eye as, say, Dolly Parton, if she had a breast reduction but only on one side.

But seriously. Asymmetry is nice on stairs and in the ratio of height to width of buildings. It isn't so hot looking on bikes. It isn't a pretentious, poseur-type thing to note that Dolly Parton would look mighty funny with a lopsided topside, and it isn't pretentious poseur-type thing to note that a bike with a lopsided bottomside looks equally ridiculous. Just like your Y-Foil, I'm sure a motorcycle would have performance characteristics far superior to a double diamond-framed bicycle as well. But then it wouldn't really be a bicycle, would it? You're kind of in the same class of complainers as the riders (drivers? operators?) of fully enclosed recumbent tricycles. Yeah, it's faster, blah blah blah, whatever. But it still isn't really a bike and just because you happen to pedal the thing with your feet, doesn't make it a bike any more than pedaling a pedal boat makes the pedal boat a bicycle. The UCI stepped in and (thank God) preserved the traditional aesthetic of the bicycle before aesthetic-free people like yourself kidnapped bicycling from the rest of us, and while it was arbitrary and mean, at least it helped us avoid the fate of looking like extras on the set of Buck Rodgers in the TdF in the 26th Century.

Asmara Joe - evidently, when you guys broke away from Ethiopia in '93, Ethiopia got to keep your sense of humor. So sorry - maybe the UN can help you get it back. I wouldn't count on it though; they don't have much of a sense of humor either. Maybe you need to speak with the Irish or somebody. Them bastards is funny, so maybe they could help you out.

sprider said...

Commie,
Yes we Canaduh!
I've got a pal that rides a foil as his winter bike. It's still funny.

Asmara Joe said...

American Jim,

It's impossible not to have a sense of humor living in this country. How can any of us make it through the day in the States without laughing at the obese, tasteless, and insipid type that dominate your country.

I try to be funny, but as you know, humor doesn't always translate.

Or in your words "blah, blah, blah."
Well said sir, well said.

Asmara Joe said...

Anon 2:23

Yes, Sticks & Mud, that is our national dish.

You got a fuckin' problem with that you fuckin' xenophobe.

Anonymous said...

I love Y-Foils ten times as much now!

Oh, and I think a few of you Joads' got yer Kentucky and Oklahomy mixt up oncet or twicet.

Anonymous said...

just made it.

John said...

So the bike snob can be snobby, but I can't? Just having a bit of fun.

And I happen to think the rear quarter is rather graceful looking, but that's just me. Last time I looked, it is a bicycle, by the way. It has a frame, a chain, wheelset (404's in tubie right now), handlebars, saddle, clown pushing the pedals, the usual suspects.

Also pretty, a 1970's vintage Falcon San Remo I finished restoring not too long ago. Chromed, elaborately cut frame lugs, old Campy NR group still in excellent condition, glittering SS spokes... unlike the plastic fantastics they punch out of a cookie cutter today, that old bike was hand built with pride, and it shows.

What's ugly? A fat slob on a harley. That's ugly. Not just aesthetics, but the waste and sloth it represents.

Nice to see us hillbillies are still exempt from PC protection, by the way. Otherwise, we'd have to listen to the same patronizing drivel the the other minorities are subjected to.

Jason said...

Nice wheels!

noflyzone_allstars said...

I have quietly mocked the Softride moose tongue for years but only now thought to wonder, How do you adjust the saddle height on one of those things? Fiddle with where it attaches to the frame?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Noflyzone_allstars, you cannot adjust the saddle heigth. You shorten or lengthen your nutsack instead.

ken e. said...

lies! i thought it was like a real diving board and you can adjust the angle/height! endo magic!

Anonymous said...

I got 99 problems but a Y foil ain't one . . . . .

Anonymous said...

John,

Where do I attach my rack on my new Y-Foil commuter? I already drilled the frame for fenders so I'm kinda out of places to put it.

HELP!!!

Andy Pandy said...

“Crafting a report” …..what out of I say. Papyrus reed, balsa wood, stone tablets from Mt Sinai, chicken entrails, prehistoric charcoal scribblings on the wall of the UCI offices. Get a big black dog up ya and get real and just write it.
I was contemplating covering my machine in the foil from devoured easter eggs… so does that make it an e-e foil bike. Fully approve of the way the CL bike and the pump are the same colour, colour co-ordination is so lacking in today’s peleton


Still waiting to see frilly THIGHSTRONG garters , on a lighter note.

And have we actually established that Red rides, as I thought that he would be more likely styin’ in the General Lee. Trolls with Zipps, what next????

Serviceburo said...

That was like watching David Attenborough "session" with the MASH guys while wearing fanny packs and RAGBRAI jerseys.

Anonymous said...

Hey Snob,

I think you made an error in the location of the wild or feral Foil bike. I live in the central plains of Wisconsin and I hunt. Believe me if I ever saw one of these abominations I would quickly pull out the Remington and start firing away. I am pretty certain that there are dentists and lawyers in Northern Illinois that raise these on game farms. Just wanted to set you straight. We do have wild women though that have thighs of unbelievable sizes though!

Mike in WI

Fred said...

Anybody else catch the sweet front brake cable setup on the that gold meh-tronik beauty's close-up? Cable QR is flipped up and cable is waay too short. On a bike that fast, that's a tragedy waiting to happen. Probably one involving an opossum, a first cousin and a hilarious misunderstanding about White Lightning chain lube.

Anonymous said...

wooden shoes, wooden head, wouldn' listen!

jolene said...

i made some more vidyos not the kinda one you saw with red and bobby jay boy howdy this one i made with my sisters brother

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnqo7ARiDN4

Anonymous said...

BikeSnob, you silly idiot -

Dutch Girl was obviously flirting with you. "I'm Dutch!", when translated from the Dutch, actually means "I'm hot for you and your Ironic Orange Julius bike and I want you to stick a finger in my dyke. take me now."

Jack Northrup said...

Y-Foils are the flying wings of the bike world.

You want them to work, and they do...but there is just something that doesn't look right.

J B Hur said...

"Up Y-Foils. Down diamond frames"

d. fofonov said...

Spokesman from Siberian branch of Team Astana calling me to say that comment of mine could be misinterpreted and to cause World War III. I am saying Americans not having good humour but not calling anyone Dickhead. Was rude of me.

Anonymous said...

Beyond a Rapeman song, what exactly is "Dutch Courage"?

Jim said...

Dutch courage is a little like Eritrean humor, apparently - something not found in ordinary day-to-day life.

Ps. It means braveness stemming from drunkenness.

Pps. I guess now I can expect some abuse from humorless Dutch-Eritrean Y-Foil riders.

bricoleur said...

the red badge of courage = tanqueray

Anonymous said...

the red badge of vomit = jose cuervo

C.P. said...

Hunting Y-Foil on the Great Wisconsin Central Plains for Demon Lord Burke..... I knew there was a catch to Mellow Johnny's... It's all a just a front... For Demon worship and Lance.... sick sick sick... :)

Curmudgeonly Fussbudget said...

Congratulations to Our Snob for using Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday to blog himself back into shape and then putting down a breakaway entry today. Good write!

Maybe Friday brings a delicious sprint.

And on a more personal note, please seek out some Cannondale "V" bikes for ridicule. I'll jump right in with both feet. I earned that right back in the day, the day when Mantra's and Y's and V's were commonplace.

And by "earned" I mean I owned one, and by "owned" I mean owned.

The Horror.

wikiplugs said...

Dear Blogger,

It would be a greater experience for you if you could show some random interesting posts at your blog. The content will refer back to random pages within your blog itself.

Something which crawls more posts/stories than normal RSS limit ?

check some examples at

website: www.13above.com (See the Vertical Banner Here on the right panel…)
and blog: emailbookmarking.blogspot.com (... and also Horizontal Banner Here on the top)

Just have a look and then visit http://www.wikiplugs.com/labs/index.html to grab your free copy today. (Limited Offer)

Your posts and our commitment can do wonders!

So what are you waiting for?Do join and enrich us with your great thoughts.

Thanks,
Admin
Wikiplugs

Anonymous said...

whyf oils

southpole said...

i missed the part where the dutch girl told you what to do, she was trying to learn the local rules (and get laid), and rest assured, there are places with much more vicious traffic much closer to amsterdam than NYC with its wide streets and ridiculously slow traffic. i've seen dutch trying to cycle hamburg (germany) and it is a much more terrifying and dangerous experience. but yes, the tickets are about 10 times less expensive...

Irish Springs said...

Manly yes, but I like it too.

smartypants said...

@John 6:13:

You know, 404's provide such a large canvas, you have plenty of room to eschew the traditional "All you haters can suck my balls" for something more creative and elite.

For instance, I recently had my Campy Shamal Ultras laser engraved with "tutto lei haters può succhiare le mie palle." Goes perfectly with the Dura-Ace upgrades on my R600. Sure, people hate on my cheap C-dale frame, but the mismatch of Campy wheels and Shimano group show my unique spirit.

I'm thinking about getting Lew Racing to make me a set of VT-1s with "All you haters can get a carbon splinter stuck beneath your fingernail" molded right in, but I'm worried it won't look good against my vintage Cervelo Baracchi unless I can get them to color-match to the frame. . .

Anonymous said...

"Won't get foiled again" - so funny. A Who mis-quote evenly off the mark as "Rock's not dead".

Then I saw the triple. Damn well inhaled my oatmeal.

Tim said...

whyf oils?

looks like
WIFE OILS

Anonymous said...

HUGE NERD

Asmara Joe said...

Imperialist Jim,

When you visit my home country of Eritrea, I don't want you to make the mistake that most Americans do.

When you see us laughing, it's not because you are as funny or witty as you think you are.

We're laughing at you, American. It doesn't take much insight to get the joke.

Udder said...

No wonder Tom Boonen can't beat Mark Cavendish in a sprint- he's Dutch. Which means he's riding against the flow of the peloton.

Udder said...

Before I'm corrected by detail freaks, I know Tom Boonen is Belgian. But he's Flemish and that's about the same thing as Dutch in my myopic world view.

CommieCanuck said...

I'll tip my hat to the new prostitution

Take a bow for the compact revolution

Smile and grin at the change all around me

Pick up my Trek and play,

Just like yesterday

Then I'll get on my knees and "pray"
We don't get foiled again
Don't get foiled again
No, no!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Meet the new Lance
Same as the old Lance...

I blame the Dutch.

hillier99 said...

Lantern rouge!

Bill said...

good post, commie, anything with that pic of Johnny is ok in my book. we'll get you those 10 comments yet!

Anonymous said...

Asmara Joe -
You'll only laugh at americans if the PFDJ allows you to laugh. Don't let them catch you commenting here!!!

smartypants said...

I once knew a Pythonista who wanted to comment on this blog, but the BDFL turned down his PEP.

frilly said...

Take it easy, AP. I'm gonna fire up the camera this weekend.

I noticed the intelligence level of the comments is starting to edge up a bit, so its time to take it back down a notch.

Anonymous said...

When you say, "irritating other cyclists such as myself," I can't help but become enormously irritated, um, myself...

I think what you mean to say were you truely snobby enough to care about language would be, "irritating cyclists like me."

Just think about how it sounds, "she was irritating myself," verses, "she was irritating me."

Just thought you would like an English lesson.

Sincerely,

Ted Anderson

John Updike said...

BSNYC, your encounter with the Dutch girl was fiction, admit it.

smartypants said...

Pfft, like EVERYTHING you wrote was fiction, John.

PS - didn't you die a few weeks ago?

Judi said...

i did a spinerval dvd the other day and one of the "athletes" was riding that seat-tubless kind of tri bike - it was gold too, might have been a trek!

Anonymous said...

Hey- I work for SE and always notice when you name drop us. shoot me an email sometime and I'd love to hook you up with something. bdowns@sebikes.com

Etoro said...

Dear Snob,

I have not disagreed with you on any points or opinions you have made until now and it is in regard to the the TT bike issue.I for one think that technology is and always should be on the cutting edge and striving to be faster and faster. You may be able to dope riders, but not not materials that everyone shares. I think always improving this technology will lead to better products not only in cycling, but in all areas of physics and aerodynamics in all it's applications.

Anonymous said...

Ha. I knew from the first moment the woman asked if she would get a ticket for running a red that she was Dutch. Believe me, any time I ride with my friends in the Netherlands they are very irritated with my first instinct to stop at a red. I try to explain to them that bicyclists are just prey to most of our drivers here, but they just look at me and blink uncomprehendingly. I have a Dutch friend here in the U.S. who proudly stated that she ignored all the laws all the time. Whatever, man.

Anonymous said...

got dis URL from a friend who knows I occasionally still 'softride'. prolly cause of coarse upbringin between Berry St and White...
almost as good as bein Dutch
thanks to all posters, hardly a yawn out there

great stuff BS!
This Thread is Red and Engorged! (Tarzan vocal & thumbzup)

Gravengaard said...

First of all I own a Trek Y-foil 77, but I CAN see the humor in this post! :-) Well written, and the "Won't get foiled again" is hilarious...!

I think I'll repaint frame with Livewrong symbols, as my lifestyle includes massive amounts of Jack Daniel's and metal music. This post is an inspiration! Thanks!!

And BTW, here a pic of my Foil
http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq2331hA

jesse Hoff said...

Well, i'm a little late on the party, but can I say that 750 is a terrific deal for a bike with dura-ace components, no matter how silly looking?

Anonymous said...

God you're annoying and quite too self-congratulatory, in other words: annoying.

Paul said...

Greetings, for the last couple of hours I've been searching about Laissez-Fairing: Rules vs. Aerodynamics and finally I stumble into your blog, it has great info on what I'm looking and is going to be quite useful on my paperwork for the university.
BTW is amazing how many generic viagra blogs I manage to dodge in order to get the right site and the right information...lol
Thanks for the post and have a nice day

dinoibo said...

Sesli sohbet Sesli chat
Seslisohbet Seslichat
Sesli sohbet siteleri Sesli chat siteleri
Sesli Chat
Sohbet Sesli siteler
Sohbet siteleri Chat siteleri
Sohbet merkezi chat merkezi
Sesli merkezi sesli Sohbet merkezi
Sesli chat merkezi Sohbetmerkezi
Sesli Sohbet Sesli Chat
SesliSohbet Sesli chat siteleri
Sesli sohbet siteleri SesliChat
Sesli Sesli siteler
Seslimuhabbet sesli muhabbet
sesli sohbet sesli chat siteleri
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslisohbet seslichat
seslikent sesli kent
sesli sohbet sesli sohbet siteleri
sesli chat sesli chat siteleri
seslisohbet seslichat

ekle paylas said...

nice blog Thanks for sharing. voicesohbet was really very nice.
sesli chat siteleri sesli sohbet
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslichat seslisohbet
sesli siteleri chat siteleri
sohbet siteleri sesli siteler
voice sohbet sesli sohbet siteleri
sesli sohbet seslisohbet
sohbet siteleri sesli chat siteleri
seslichat sesli chat
herkesburda herkes burda
sohbetmerkezi sohbetmerkezi

free videos said...

X movies watch free porn indian porn movies. and you sex tv porn movie watch now ! teen videos for you xoporntube videos.