Monday, February 9, 2009

Coming and Going: Taking Liberties and Taking Leave


("Fear the Alpaca-lips" by Erik K, based on this link he received from Kale.)


Firstly, I'd just like to take the opportunity to let you know that my blogging coaches at Carmichael Training Systems have insisted that, after today, I use the rest of this week as a "recovery period." This recovery period of course follows this past weekend's intense motorpacing session, which you're well aware of if you follow my Twitter. (Motorpacing for CTS bloggers involves typing what Chris Carmichael is saying as he speed-reads aloud from Johan Bruyneel's autobiography, "We Might As Well Win.") Rest assured, though, that I will not be idle. This is going to be an "active recovery period," meaning that I will be writing--I just won't be updating this blog. Instead, I'll be adding to my book of inspirational cycling-related sonnets entitled "Pressure-Relieving Cutouts For The Cyclist's Soul (And Crotch)". But rest assured I will return on Monday, February 16th with regular updates.

Pending this recovery period, I have received many items of note from readers, including this Face Plate-Mounted Brake Lever (or FPMBL):


Unlike some other brake lever mounting techniques, the FPMBL is at least usable. However, there was still something insidious about it to me. Certainly at least part of the effect was due to the fact that this setup is evocative of an ant's pincers. But as I looked closer I realized what was really creeping me out was the mysterious figure reflected in the bell:


There was something haunting about this presence clad in black, standing before a bare tree and a white cottage. Moreover, it was oddly familiar as well. Frightened yet intrigued, I fired up the BSNYC/RTMS Enlargerizer (sponsored by TYR triathlon apparel, makers of the Apollo Racer mankini) for a closer look:



Suddenly, I realized where I'd last seen this eerie specter:


To me, this is a clear indication that signs of the Fixed-Gear Apocalypse have been manifesting themselves as early as February 13th, 1970, when this album was released. Furthermore, while Black Sabbath fans have argued for decades about the meaning behind the acronym N.I.B., it is now obvious to me that it is a veiled reference to the Fixed-Gear Apocalypse and it stands for "Not Into Brakes."

Speaking of things that will make your skin crawl, another reader informs me that Motor Trend has done a feature on Rock Racing owner, pants maker, and noted smarm-monger Michael Ball's car collection:



The above photo rattled me even more than the bell on the FPMBL bike, and like the eerie specter, Ball too evoked an image from the past:



Interestingly, it turns out that Ball secretes irony even more heavily than he secretes oil (in these lean times, Rock's mechanics are reportedly blotting Ball hourly and using his natural oils to lube their riders' drivetrains), as is clear from the following excerpt in which he takes a great deal of liberty with the truth:



Ball describes the scene when his team arrives "tattered out" in their Cadillac "armada" to a race. "When we roll into town, man, people are just freaked out," Ball says. Asked what the skulls represent, he replies, "Take no prisoners - it's the old pirate creed. To roll up to a race in a Cadillac Escalade that's tattered with green on a black Escalade, everything's blinged out chrome, shit, even rolling up to a five-star hotel, people turn their heads and go, 'What the hell?'"

Ball had a prior relationship with Cadillac through Rock & Republic and convinced the automaker that sponsoring the team would be a good venture. "They said 'no we're not interested, our cycling initiative is Saab.' I said, 'the same guys who buy my $350 jeans are the same guys who buy the $12,000 bicycle, who buy your $80,000 Escalade. This is where you want to be.' They got on board for the first year in a small way, saw the return, said 'this is amazing,' sold a shitload of cars. That's exciting. We hope to get some hybrids for sure."

First of all, "tattered" means "ragged," so I'm not sure why Ball would brag that his team is "tattered out." I suppose it's possible that he means "tatted out," though since Kayle Leogrande's suspension for doping I'm not sure who else fits that description. Even more baffling is Ball's claim that, ever since Cadillac signed on as a sponsor, they've "sold a shitload of cars." Between 2007, when Rock Racing began, and today, GM stock has plummeted from a high of $42.64 to its current price of $2.88:



Using GM's sales as a positive indicator is like creating an ad for a diet product with a thin "Before" model and an obese "After" one. If anything, this probably means Rock Racing helped kill GM.

Sadly, though, we seem to be living in a time of devolution. And speaking of devolution and "Before" and After" shots, another reader has alerted me to a devolving Waterford:

Before:


After:


This just goes to show that all bad conversions aren't necessarily fixed-gear conversions. I'm all for practical bikes, but forcing a road bike to be a practical bike is like having lugged soles installed on your dress shoes. Sometimes, you've just got to wear different shoes. (Unless of course you take it all the way, like the World's Greatest Madone.)

On the other hand, here's another bike that actually wants a rack. Indeed, ever since I featured a Seven with a tall headtube last week, readers from far and wide (well, I only got like two, but one was from far and one was from wide) have been proudly forwarding me photos of their own giant front ends. Here's one reader's Romic, in the suggestive 69cm size, with its bars held aloft by a truly magnificent headtube:



It would seem we have entered into an age where cyclists are once again taking pride in the length of their headtubes, and this could very well presage a trend. I only hope companies like The Great Trek Bicycle Making Company are taking note. And something tells me they will, because Trek have just announced that they've opened a new design studio that "feels like a loft in a metropolitan area":



Personally, I find the notion that Trek have created a little hipster microcosm in the wilds of Wisconsin fascinating. It's like some sort of trendy space station, or one of those particle accelerators where scientists try to re-create the birth of the universe. Now, Trek designers can adopt the mindset of a Williamsburger or a Missionite and create things that will appeal to those people without having to actually live among them. I eagerly await the announcement of the first bicycle or product born entirely out of "Thing One." It will probably be well-executed yet still ineffably eerie, like Dolly the sheep. I suspect Trek is also leaving out the fact that "Thing One" is heavily fortified and doubles as a bunker in which John Burke and the rest of the Trek higher-ups will survive the Fixed-Gear Apocalypse. Then, years later, after the fallout, they will emerge and sell the survivors Districts.

At least the post-Apocalyptic future will be free from squeaky drivetrains.

See you again on Monday, February 16th.


--BSNYC/RTMS


369 comments:

1 – 200 of 369   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

1st

fantz crazznapper said...

fastest sum bitch alive

fantz crazznapper said...

i mean second fastest sum bitch.

Wes said...

podium

Wes said...

I mean standing next to the podium

Anonymous said...

top 10

Brian said...

Top 10

john said...

long!

streepo said...

Top 10!!!

Surly Bastard said...

Crap, what do I do until next Monday?

mendacity said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hillier99 said...

Rusty bell.

First comment!

Anonymous said...

FIRST!!!

Wrench Monkey said...

Didn't cheat; read the blog and found it mildly amusing. I wonder how far the comments will sink over the next few days. BSNY has provided us w/ so much fodder; Tatoos, Michael Ball, and disproprtionate head tubes.

Wrench Monkey said...

Please insert this t in my last post.

W M said...

Also this o.

Wes said...

You're missing an o in there as well, Wrench Monkey

Wes said...

Possibly an upper case C as well.

Mutt said...

The llama was a nice touch.

Wes said...

Is this how low you expected the comments to drop - proof reading pedantry?

Bear Shirt said...

I'll gladly forward photos of my giant front end, if that's what you're into Snobby.

And I think you are wrong about the mysterious figure in the bell - I actually think it's the cover photo of WEEN's The Pod, which depicts occasional WEEN bassist "Mean" Ween using a vaporizer bong. Incidentally, it could also be Leonard Cohen from the cover of his "Best of" album, since that's where WEEN lifted the image from in the first place

Anonymous said...

ball and his team are so typical of amateur bike racers, think they are bad ass, and are laughable. just check out list of teams at nyvelocity

RM said...

25!

RM

Nick said...

top 1000!

Flawed Dog said...

top 20

Anonymous said...

OHNO SNOB
WEEK OFF?
CANT COPE

TREK DUMB

red neckerson said...

here in viper it got warmer so me and ricky are going gatoring and im going to use ricky as bait

ant1 said...

ant1st!

erik k said...

snob enjoy, your much deserved break. As always looking forward to your return.

Anonymous said...

FIRST!!!

Anonymous said...

poetic, use of a comma, erik

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Anonymous said...

i knew it! anon 1:18 is taylor phinney!!

Just landed in London on route to Copenslayen. Got a good 5 hrs of sleep! Woop woop! It's cold!!!

Anonymous said...

When the team drills into town, the local townspeople assault their necks to sleep at us. It's even better when we're de-scaling in our Escalades. They're sweet rides, and they bugger up to 6 cyclists at a time. Some people run us a lot of criticism, shoveling that Escalades read a lot of gasoline. But I study that the public relations value of having 10 cyclists and a bunch of strippers in an Escalade convoy is inscrutable.

To slice things off, I think Rock Racing's involvement with the Cadillac brand name has really helped to fuck that company.

/s
Michael Ball's semi-Random Misplaced Verb Generator


Ps. I do not think those words mean what Mr. Ball thinks they mean.

Wes said...

Second Erik k, enjoy your break Snob. But if you want a rest, why not just stick around and do a half arsed job like the rest of us?

ant1 said...

Good point Wes. Snobby just needs to find himself a nice blog with an active comments section and pretend he's doing work all day. Works for the rest of us.

Bill said...

I third that

Nicole said...

Michael's such a douche he has a "Ball" instead of BALLZZZZZZ.

CommieCanuck said...

Using specialized deconvolution software, the image in that bell is obviously from The Ring Those that read this blog shall be cursed.

Only the sport of cycling and Carmichael can call doing fuck all, "recovery". Make sure you are drinking a lot of L-glutamine and wearing compression stockings. Not the cool Skinz, ...the kind old ladies wear.

Anonymous said...

rats

Russ said...

Michael Ball could use a good punch in the face.

kale said...

I think we can narrow Snob's day job to:

A- Michael Ball
B- Paul Steely "Don't Call Me" White
And given that certain things have come to light:
C- Hallmark Card Author

CommieCanuck said...

Trek's "Thing one" is described as 2000 square meters. How European.

Yeah, that's right, F--- you America.

Fierce Panties said...

Mr. Ball is apparently an idiot savant.

He somehow understands that whenever he is near any other people that we are "freaked out" and are saying, "what the hell?"



I have to say that he is quite accurate.

kale said...

Freaked out is just Mr. Ball's way of saying nonplussed.

kale said...

Did you know that Micheal Ball is the Al Gore of cycling?

He discovered cycling?

Thing Zero said...

Summary of today's numbers and dates:

February 13th, 1970 Black Sabbath album released
February 16th, 2009 Snob returns.

Five star hotel
$350 jeans
$12,000 bicycle
$80,000 Escalade
Shitload of cars
Some hybrids
2007 price of GM stock: $42.64
current price of GM stock: $2.88
Seven (seven what?)
"like two" (one from far and one from wide)
69cm Romic
"Thing One" (doubles as a bunker)
55 designers in approximately 2000 square meters (20,000 square feet) of floor space
(36.36363636 square meters or 363.6363636 square feet per designer)
five-fold increase

One week to decode the secret message.

CommieCanuck said...

Ooo.. is it "kittens"?

frilly said...

Thing Zero, dude, you're giving me a headache.

AP, I haven't been moonlighting at fixymatosis, however that chick's body type is a lot closer to my own than the alphastate chick.

RB1 said...

semilog plot - cool.

Xavier P. Smootly, CPA said...

Thing Zero-

That adds up to:

21,942,447.6

-The amount of the damages GM will be seeking to recover from Michael Ball for "freaking out" consumers.

Anonymous said...

time to buy me some gm shares

Anonymous said...

re frilly: yeah it's a man body.

Anonymous said...

this week's gonna suck

have fun not making me laugh for six days, bsnyc/rtms

Anonymous said...

I suspect my bike might actually be repaired this week.

CommieCanuck said...

Frilly...define close.

Remember the cupcakes.

Mike Ball. Ok, he has convinced idiots to spend $350 on jeans made by Cambodian children, paid only in used rice. Thus, he can afford the custom cars and garner the "what the hell?" responses. (although WTH is what he hears, what is said is , "hey, who's the douche in the nice car?")

Give the guy a break. He hangs out with Paris Hilton, god only knows the venereal diseases he's been exposed to. Lucky for him his tiny, tiny penis makes for a smaller infection target.

leroy said...

Podium!!!!

(I meant for February 16. I'm avoiding the Presdients' Day holiday rush by declaring early.)

Have a good break, BSNYC!

In the mean time, if anyone riding in Prospect park this week encounters something small, gray and in tatters, please let me know.

I think I misplaced my dignity this past weekend.

Anonymous said...

so THAT'S how i've stayed clean this long. it all makes sense now

Bill said...

i did see that this weekend leroy, sorry to say that guys used it as a soccer goal to go along with mine.

Wrench Monkey said...

Wes,Proof reading pedantry can be construed as constructive criicism. Commie Canuck is really getting the "ball" rolling here.Pace yourself C.C., Don't burn all your matches in the first few hours. We've got several more days of self- entertainment ahead of us.

WM said...

t- Sorry I'm typing w/ my feet today

Anonymous said...

please add t to WM's last post

Anonymous said...

we'll forgive you since "construed as constructive criticism" rolls off the tongue so nicely

frilly said...

CC, using your perspective: the alphastate girl was super skinny. The fixy girl looks curvier. And well, you've seen my cupcake landing area.

CommieCanuck said...

ah, I see. Alphastate girl needed a sandwich.

Much better than what I can lay claim to, a body that falls right between Tim Robbins and Abe Vigoda.

kale said...

Commie-

Strange.

I pictured your body looking somewhere between Bob McKenzie and Doug McKenzie.

Anonymous said...

Snob - you do NOT give news like that on a Monday!

Ball is like the girl in school that thinks everyone is checking her out because she is hot, but everyone is looking at her because she has a huge booger hanging from her nose...

Alliterative Wrench Monkey said...

I'm really feelin' the love, today.Mon Christ, C.C., you are just flying. I'm tellin' ya, tone it down a bit.The wrong people are going to suspect "commenting at 2 speeds" if you know what I mean.

CommieCanuck said...

Kale... I'm touched, I don't know what's more disturbing, having the body image between Bob and Doug, or knowing that BSNYC's blog readers are trying to picture my body.

Anonymous said...

i get irked when i see conversions like the Waterford. does the person really think that the single speed is more precision than the Campy setup he had prior? and the crappy mountain bike bars? i hope he atleast enjoys his new ride.

Anonymous said...

IRKS ANON

frilly said...

CC--No body is perfect. Although, I would love to have her long legs.

Abe Vigoda, he's hot.

carlos said...

not as funny as dog shit but still amusing none the less. I don't know how I'll waste away my working days this week with out your daily commentary. Enjoy your respite snob.

Serviceburo said...

Has anyone ever stopped to think about how impressive it is that Rock Racing manages to look like a bunch of douchebags even in the context of the pro-peleton?

Also, Snob, seriously, have you ever spent any time outside NYC? Trek was once a real company with real street cred and they were a big part of creating the Madison scene. Most of those guys would own the average NYC super commuter/Billyburg hipster.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Thing Zero, is it divisible by 666?

bikesgonewild said...

...it's not so much the "alpaca-lips" we have to fear w/ this 'paca as his fire breathing nostrils...'pacas spit...sets ya on fire...spits on ya to put it out...(there are kinky people who pay for that kinda treatment but not w/ alpacas...just sayin')...

...face plate mounted brake lever (fpmbl)...intelligent design...looks like a beautiful bike w/ it's white paint, brass bell & hand sewn grips...
...(knock, knock..."who's there ???"...isabel..."isabel who ???"...is a bell necessary for your bicycle ???..."ah, only when tolling for the dead on a black sabbath, now get away from my door !!!")...

...hurts to see the 'waterford' cuz it's a hand-built frameset as opposed to "the worlds greatest madone" which was popped out of "the great trek bicycle making company" mold...c'est la vie...

...btw, trek designers...enjoy that new "thing one (think one ???)" cuz if this economy keeps tanking, you might all end up living in there...
...can you say "bunk beds ???"...

d. fofonov said...

Writers of commentations not speaking to English very properly. Please to check proper usage and speeling.

Anonymous said...

the madison scene? and they would own hipsters? sounds positively confederate.

just remember, tuber farmers.

Anonymous said...

serviceburo, it depends on the context. many nyc supercommuters are good at navigating traffic, and hipsters would of course win in douchery.

Anonymous said...

who wants to bet that fofonov and neckerson are same person?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 5:01, that kind of talk could get you beat up in certain dark corners of this comment board.

bikesgonewild said...

...ya, anon 5:01pm...

...& anyway...unless d.fofonov pals around w/ a guy named evgeni who's got like three fingers & gator bite marks on his arm then it ain't the same guy...

...просто сказал or just sayin'...

Kurt said...

Frilly,
Good to know that you tend more toward the fixa chick than the alphaskank...helps with visualization. BTW, how're the camera repairs going?

Neon Langsters are cool, but...

Wes said...

Has he really left us all alone for a whole week? It's only been six hours and already Wrench Monkey has lost the use of his hands, wishiwasmercx is threatening violence, and Frilly's flirting is off the scale.

Der Blaue Reiter said...

That Waterford broke my custom-lugged heart.

Thing Zero said...

And furthermore, if we are talking about Escalades, how many does it take to make a shitload?

One, possibly.

One, with Michael Ball in it, absolutely.

BikeLemming said...

Ozzy would be proud. And I love, "Motorpacing for CTS bloggers involves typing what Chris Carmichael is saying as he speed-reads aloud from Johan Bruyneel's autobiography"... classic...

Anonymous said...

Is there any reason for that gear cable loop on the waterford? Other than not having a cutter, and utter laziness?

Anonymous said...

last!

Daddo said...

we won't see the last for DAYS

Anonymous said...

That's a 14 speed Rohloff hub on that Waterford.

kale said...

Anon 7:34-

I think this might be it:

Cable use

I thought I'd seen that bike at the NAMBLA meetings.

General Boy said...

Devolution is real!

The time has come for new traditions.

Andy Pandy said...

Is this week-long stage race going to continue at crit pace or will sanity and stuffed legs prevail.I for one will be drafting like Cadel behind an interstate trucker on a mission to get to the state line by dawn, with enough speed ingested to kill a herd of enraged alpacas ( as long as doping control are still at the Greasy Spoon diner eying off the waitress with those ample proportions)

Cut and Paste away Frills

Anonymous said...

I think this post might reach epic levels.

can we get to 500?

frilly said...

Oh, Wes, why behave?

sumadis said...

M.Ball's other story...

http://www.topix.com/forum/movies/celebrity/TO30DBMMOEE0QSNDP

seems a little closer to the 350$ denim, blinged out escalade jackass stereotype he caters to.

innerlighter said...

Methinks Mr. Ball was left off this list

innerlighter said...

Thing Zero,

Is it the recipe for cupcakes?

cyclotourist said...

Is your Momma a llama?

Gnarles Darwin said...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Enjoy the break (rehab) Snob.

"GONE FSHN"

Anonymous said...

If I were the converted Waterford bike, I would probably commit suicide. It's like being an immigrant brain surgeon and only getting jobs as a taxi driver. And the Singulator is the insult to top the injury.

Maggie said...

Are you writing Italian, Spenserian, or English Sonnets? Or to rephrase for the more snobbish among us (who are English majors) Petrarchan, Spenserian or Shakesperian sonnets?

Anon 5:10 said...

Maggie, if you are referring (thou doeth refer?) to me, well, as I'm not a native speaker but learned my English in school, may way of writing might seems excessively formal... but it's a fun exercise!

Enjoy the brake, Snob!

ant1 said...

Is he back yet?

kale said...

ant?st

Frosty said...

One of the major problems I have with the brake mounted on the post is that you end up looking like you're itching your pooper when you're really just trying to lay a patch o' rubba. I still can't picture the working mechanics/ergonomics of this brake placement-it just seems wrong on all levels.

721sandwiches said...

Here's a custom Seven - here's a tall head tube to end all tall head tubes:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rcousine/875510617/

Beats hell off the one in the last post.

Anonymous said...

Am I late with this one?

A popular bicycle rental scheme in Paris that has transformed travel in the city has run into problems just 18 months after its successful launch.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7881079.stm

frilly said...

Kurt, as a matter of fact, I just got a new camera. I have a lovely picture to upload of the road rash on my upper thigh. Mmmm, sexy.

Interesting cupcakes, Innerlighter.

conphoto87 said...

I believe that is a llama, or an alpaca posing to look like a llama. Cause we all know llamas are the shit

streepo said...

Are we not men?

CommieCanuck said...

I've figured out Mike Ball.

Read this aloud:

"Take no prisoners - it's the old pirate creed. To roll up to a race in a Cadillac Escalade that's tattered with green on a black Escalade, everything's blinged out chrome, shit, even rolling up to a five-star hotel, people turn their heads and go, 'What the hell?'"

While looking at this.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

Commie --

I believe what Mr. Ball was trying to say was:

"Yarrr, me hearties, the drive train on the De Rosa be straight and true, but the handlebars in me pantaloons be driving me nuts."

(Sorry, but if BSNYC can take the week off, I can post re-runs.)

Wrench Monkey said...

Very good, C.C. You let everyone tire themselves out, and as soon as there's a lull in the action, BOOM! A killer move that makes the rest of us just shake our collective heads in awe and envy.

kale said...

Anon 11:08-

Watch this

while watching this

Anonymous said...

"There was something haunting about this presence clad in black, standing before a bare tree and a white cottage."

this sentence has almost the exact same meter as William Carlos Williams poem, the red wheelbarrow.

boogie boogie boogie

Anonymous said...

BSNYC is all tattered out

Pack Phil said...

Frosty, the correct technique for stopping with a seatpost-mounted break lever is to drop back off the saddle and pretend you're making mad doggie-style love to the saddle/brake lever. Leave your hands on the very narrow barz.

A to Da N said...

Hey.. Anybody else notice that Bikesnob's been plugging lots of websites and such lately? He sort of plays it off, as he did with the Mankini, but that was totally a plug for TYR Triathlon apparel. I mean.. Can't really blame the man, what with all these economy woes..

shmaltz herring said...

The reflection in that bell has early-70's album cover art written all over it. Personally, I think of the photo on the inside of Neil Young's Harvest: http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Amphitheatre/7086/doorknob.gif.

kale said...

Previously, I meant to say watching/listening...

kale said...

and by say I mean type...

n. pelosi said...

You want me to be bipartisan with those evil Republican bastards?

wishiwasmerckx said...

A to da N, if plugging banana hammocks is Snob's "stimulus pakage," we're in worse shape, both economically and morally, than I had feared.

Anonymous said...

Bell = tollng of the iron bell = death
White bike = death
White cottage = death
bare tree = death
Black clad figure = death incarnate

FPMBL = just stupid and symbolic of nothing...

Anonymous said...

From Motor Trend Ball's cars article:

"First car bought: "1963 1/2" VW Beetle convertible"

That is fucking scary! Ya know why? This!!! -->

Ted Bundy's VW!!!

Anonymous said...

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

mmm...

lunchtime on the west coast?

Geezer Iommi said...

Frilly - BLink 182, Coldplay? I think that makes me want to vomit. How old are you, 12?

Just sayin'

bikesgonewild said...

...well then, leroy, i'll go you one better & actually recycle from this same post...

...knock, knock...
...who's there ???...
...isabel...
...isabel who ???...
...is a bell necessary for your bicycle ???...
...ah, only when tolling for the dead on a black sabbath, now get away from my door !!!...

...besides, if ozzy osbourne can do a family tv show, then i can bring black sabbath & 'knock, knock' jokes together...
...kinda like if ac/dc was selling ultra-soft charmin bathroom tissue...

frilly said...

12 1/2. Get it right, k?

the shark doth jumpeth said...

geezer, you think that's somethin, check out maggie's schlecklove blog

CommieCanuck said...

Geezer...women find Coldplay entertaining. It's clearly a genetic problem, as men have something on the Y chromosome that suppresses this.
It doesn't express in men until the age of 11-13, something to do with pubic hair.

Coldplay is the first real evidence that homosexuality may have a genetic predisposition.

Anonymous said...

she do have a sense of humor...sexy

bikesgonewild said...

...coldplay's really cheap n' sleazy imitation "sgt pepper's" jackets at the grammies really were gay...
...(standard obligatory: not that there is anything wrong w/ that)...
...jeez guys...don't bother to invest a little energy, ay...

Anonymous said...

bgw - what is it with you and ellipses? not that i mind, just curious...

bikesgonewild said...

...blue sky = planet earth...

...bikesgonewild = ellipsis/ellipses...

Anonymous said...

now i'm kinda picturing you as matthew mc(however the hell you spell lance's lovers name) in dazed and confused.

Anonymous said...

Anon 11:08 AM

Fur-covered tires? I want to rock those, in my dull little town. Where can I get some?

Anonymous said...

Wow.

I actually got work done today!

BTW I'm employed as a break tester at Avid.

frilly said...

Hey, I just got my stuff from Nashbar. I think that was fast for regular shipping.

Anonymous said...

You guys are idiots. The waterford is not a singlespeed conversion, the guy swapped out his derailleurs for a geared hub. Thats a $1100 Rohloff 14 speed hub. I got bars.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Frilly, fast for regular shipping? That is evidence of just how bad the economy is. There is nothing else to ship except for your package. I ordered bar wrap from Profile Design last week, and it was delivered the next day, regular shipping.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 3:49 & 4:11...

...moi ??? & matthew mc-whats-his-name ???...nah...not even close in reel life or real life...

...but if i had a blog-site, "dazed & confused" would be a good title because of the "life & led zeppelin" double entendre...

..."I come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow."
...

...besides, page & plant wrote much of their 3rd & 4th albums in a stone cottage called "bron-yr-aur" (like the song) or "hillside of gold" in welsh, which is quite literally a stones throw from an ancestral home of the bgw family in machynlleth...
...although beatrix potter of 'peter rabbit' fame had nothing much nice to say about the town, many years before...

...now, isn't that more than you needed to know...but then again it ain't the usual day to day stuff featured here...

Bill said...

yeah, i received something from amazon yesterday i hadn't even ordered, they were just bored and needed to ship something

kale said...

Anon 4:43:

"Phil Ballou's Stainless RS-22 Reborn with SRAM I-drive

Phil recently updated us on his RS-22. ". . . my reincarnated RS-22 (ivory with stainless lugs). I wanted to try it as a commuter bike, and it works just fine. The hub is a SRAM i-Motion 9, and 42/20 gearing gives plenty of range, so I'll probably swap out the crankset for a single gear.""


$261.99+ etc. parts & labo(u)r, etc. Not that cheap - but, like ricky might say: "it's like replacing a 6.4-liter Triton V-10 with a 6.4-liter Power Stroke Diesel V-8" But you're driving a Toyota to begin with.

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, do you have a family Tartan, or is that, as I suspected, just a plaid cloth napkin that you pilfered from the IHOP out on Route 27?

sprider said...

Frilly, you're not supposed to say the name of the secret website!

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx...pilfer ???...why, you bastard, sir !!!...

...we refer to the act as a "liberation" & damned if i don't have to keep going back 'cuz that paper tartan stuff just does not last...

...in fact i have a "circuit" of ihop's i have to visit, so as not to overdo the, ah, "liberation"...

...i'm really starting to hate pancakes...
...just sayin'...

Andy Pandy said...

Sprider, Missie Frillie can have Nashbar, but remember that the real pirate treasure is in back buried deep in the ol Dart. They even have Cervelo and Campag and get delivered to Oz in about 3 days, which is quicker than the service you get from LBS

Geezer Iommi said...

Frilly

I guess it could be worse ... like Sarah MacCoughlin or Tracy Chapmang.

I thinks you're wonderful, and that's coming from Birmingham's finest. Off to get a pint with Jon and Bill.

Just sayin' ... again.

Bluenoser said...

bikes, does your ancestry give you the urge to dig deep holes and sing in mens choirs?

Just asking.

-B

C. Richard said...

With RTMS gone this week, we need the People's Poet to entertain us and continue the struggle...

Poet:

The cycle-riding proletariat needs your words of wisdom!

bikesgonewild said...

...well, let's just say i'm always tryin' ta dig myself out a' one hole or another...

...& not so much w/ the men's choirs but i do tell chicks that tom jones & i are like "that" to impress 'em...

kale said...

Frilly-

I thought you were gonna give GWAR a try for your tri-motivational soundtrack. Should take off a minute if you are trying not to be sacrifgiced.

innerlighter said...

Frilly,
about the sexy road rash...
there's a mountain biking saying, mud or blood makes a ride

And I swear I didn't make those cupcakes!


C.Richard,
the poet will save us!

Bill said...

GWAR!!! sorry, just reliving college, grace st, richmond...

CommieCanuck said...

BGW... sorry, but the only thing more gay than listening to Coldplay is watching the Grammies.

obligatory suffix said...

...not that there's anything wrong with that.

leroy said...

A bike snob commentator poetry slam?

Why golly, that ought to class this place right up!

Here's my contribution.

There once was a rider named Cipo,
Who wore crazy kits in pink day-glo.
He once rode for Ball,
But quit and told all:
“Mikey’s-a too wacky for me-o.”

wishiwasmerckx said...

First!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Best post ever!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Woot, Woot.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Just trying to get us to the 500 comment mark.

Wrench Monkey said...

The Snob is not gone
Although he is not blogging
He may be reading

frilly said...

Geez, everybody came out & played last night and I was all tied up.

Sprider--Oops, sorry. btw, the jury is still out on the Love/Hate gloves. Yes, they look badass but the quality is not great. For $31.98, I was expecting a little more. My old gloves that were $11 are better cushioned than the knog l/h. Now the tights are perfect. Will be testing them out this weekend!

Geezer--For sure I'm not a Lilith Fair kind of girl.

Kale--I'm havin' a hard time getting past the costumes.

Innerlighter--Get thee a razor!!!

kale said...

Often to pass the time on board, the crew
will catch an albatross, one of those big birds
which nonchalantly chaperon a ship
across the bitter fathoms of the sea.

Tied to the deck, this sovereign of space,
as if embarrassed by its clumsiness,
pitiably lets its great white wings
drag at its sides like a pair of unshipped oars
.

How weak and awkward, even comical
this traveler but lately so adroit -
one deckhand sticks a pipe stem in its beak,
another mocks the cripple that once flew!

The Poet is like this monarch of the clouds
riding the storm above the marksman's range;
exiled on the ground, hooted and jeered,
he cannot walk because of his great wings.

Bluenoser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wrench Monkey said...

Thanks Kale. Nice upbeat poem. Now excuse me as I shuffle off this mortal coil.

kale said...

It's Baudelaire, but on principle, I don't give credit to any Gauls.

Bluenoser said...

Ok, here it goes.

There once was a guy named Michael,

who sponsored a team just to cycle.

But found that his thing,

was nothing but bling.

So his team bikes,

they had to recycle.


sorry for that (Canuckism)

-B

Anonymous said...

There once was a guy name of Ball.
His business will sure take a fall.
Despite all the bailouts,
and government check mail outs,
his jeans are too dear for the mall...

CommieCanuck said...

Frilly said...
Geez, everybody came out & played last night and I was all tied up.


he he he hehehehe hehehe

Anonymous said...

Their team cars were gaudy Escalades.
From the locals they got accolades.
When overheard in a bar,
"Are those really their cars?
I'll be puking up my Gatorade"

Bill said...

just not the same without our big toe, our sgt hulka....

kale said...

There once was a douche from Fontana,
Who probably rocks a bandana.
He supplied stars with coke,
But now he's flat broke.
So he's got to sell his DeRosa.

worm irks said...

we roll into town
man, people are just freaked out
this is amazing

worm irks said...

take no prisoners
everything's blinged out chrome, shit
the old pirate creed

worm irks said...

take no prisoners
everything's blinged out chrome, shit
the old pirate creed

worm irks said...

take no prisoners
everything's blinged out chrome, shit
the old pirate creed

morgan said...

I know it's been decades since I've made an appearance, but I need a value opinion from the masses, and now that Snob is on Snobattical, maybe I can get some good feedback from my valued cycling cohort.

So there's this bike....

Would I be damn fool for not buying a Waterford (deja vu!?) road bike, with Campy parts for $1300, or am I getting excited over not so much a good deal?

CommieCanuck said...

There once was a guy named Mike,
who thought he could sell more jeans racing a bike,
He dated a Hilton, who's crotch smelled like Stilton,
and then he discovered her penis-

psyche!

ant1 said...

Morgan - buy the bike, you can always sell it back later.

CommieCanuck said...

bike speculation is dangerous, Goldman Sachs was heavy into motobecanes until October.

bikesgonewild said...

...commiecanuk...oh, sure, now ya tell me...

...rihanna sez the only thing gayer than listening to coldplay or watching the 'grammies' is driving w/ chris brown...

...& obviously there is something wrong w/ that...ah, the driving part...'cuz we all know there's nothing blah, blah, blah...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

Morgan-

Don't buy the bike, you can get a used Trek Portland for the same price.

Wrench Monkey said...

C.C., Is Goldman related to Richard?

Anonymous said...

Like so many things in life, it depends, Morgan. How old is said Waterford? What condition? Does it have street cred? Is the street cred fully transferrable to the new owner? So many things to consider, but really, in this economy, you can't lose! It isn't like you'll ever have to worry about being laid off. Your money is well spent. Better off spent on a bicycle than buying storable food stuffs or firearms and ammo! The economy is in great shape! Nothing to worry about!

bikesgonewild said...

...i think the real question here, morgan, is are ya gonna ride it the way god intended for campagnolo equipped waterford's to be ridden or are ya gonna strip it down, fixsterize it, start wearing girls jeans & posing w/ yer new "whip" ???...

...'cuz if it's the latter, then ya, buy it & i'd be willing to give you pennies on the dollar for those old useless parts ...

frilly said...

There once was a gm named Ball.
Selling jeans
He made quite a haul.
Doping is the means
By which we'll win.
Hey, USADA, fuck you.
EPO's a sin?
Then we'll try glue.

wishiwasmerckx said...

There once was a guy named Bikesnob,
who from excess blogging lost his job.
His family, they panicked,
and soon became frantic,
until a fat bank he did rob.

innerlighter said...

a poet bikesnob
avoids shark infested web
rests keyboard for week

grog said...

Snob is missed.
Snob is among us.
We crazy and pissed.
Be lazy and buff.

bikesgonewild said...

..."を非常に感謝-はい"...

...or,"domo arigato gozimashita", innerlighter...

...a haiku is always good...

morgan said...

I love you guys.

Ant1 - like your thiking.

BGW - I jumped on the fixed wagon a while ago, my Super Duper le Tour serves me well (Schwinng!) Would I ride a Waterford as god intended? Yes indeed; otherwise, when I do strip it, you're the first on my list for those crappy old parts! I prefer to roll my loose fit pant legs.

Anons - I know Snob has ceaseless good things to say about the Great Trek Bicycle Making Company...but...are you trying to sell me your old bike!? I do need to get a gun. Is it legal to bear Kalishnikovs in US streets? When I use it, is it OK if I hold it sideways? I live in a smallish coastal Oregon meth...er community. Street cred just oozes out of the pores and other orifices of the locals. I prefer to display my own cred.

The Waterford is used, but looks like the previous owner rarely used it, he's in the market for a Giant mountain bike instead of a Waterford road. So many good things in life, such a crappy economy.

ant1 said...

There once was a blog commenter,
who oft added to the banter,
"ant1st!"'s all he'd say,
not once did he sway
from pretending to be a winner.

Andy Pandy said...

The two hundred comment sprint points are up for grabs. Should I go early and hope to hold off the pack

Andy Pandy said...

Tiring , legs like lead

Andy Puffed out said...

Takes points , now back to the pack to wheel suck

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