Monday, February 9, 2009

Coming and Going: Taking Liberties and Taking Leave


("Fear the Alpaca-lips" by Erik K, based on this link he received from Kale.)


Firstly, I'd just like to take the opportunity to let you know that my blogging coaches at Carmichael Training Systems have insisted that, after today, I use the rest of this week as a "recovery period." This recovery period of course follows this past weekend's intense motorpacing session, which you're well aware of if you follow my Twitter. (Motorpacing for CTS bloggers involves typing what Chris Carmichael is saying as he speed-reads aloud from Johan Bruyneel's autobiography, "We Might As Well Win.") Rest assured, though, that I will not be idle. This is going to be an "active recovery period," meaning that I will be writing--I just won't be updating this blog. Instead, I'll be adding to my book of inspirational cycling-related sonnets entitled "Pressure-Relieving Cutouts For The Cyclist's Soul (And Crotch)". But rest assured I will return on Monday, February 16th with regular updates.

Pending this recovery period, I have received many items of note from readers, including this Face Plate-Mounted Brake Lever (or FPMBL):


Unlike some other brake lever mounting techniques, the FPMBL is at least usable. However, there was still something insidious about it to me. Certainly at least part of the effect was due to the fact that this setup is evocative of an ant's pincers. But as I looked closer I realized what was really creeping me out was the mysterious figure reflected in the bell:


There was something haunting about this presence clad in black, standing before a bare tree and a white cottage. Moreover, it was oddly familiar as well. Frightened yet intrigued, I fired up the BSNYC/RTMS Enlargerizer (sponsored by TYR triathlon apparel, makers of the Apollo Racer mankini) for a closer look:



Suddenly, I realized where I'd last seen this eerie specter:


To me, this is a clear indication that signs of the Fixed-Gear Apocalypse have been manifesting themselves as early as February 13th, 1970, when this album was released. Furthermore, while Black Sabbath fans have argued for decades about the meaning behind the acronym N.I.B., it is now obvious to me that it is a veiled reference to the Fixed-Gear Apocalypse and it stands for "Not Into Brakes."

Speaking of things that will make your skin crawl, another reader informs me that Motor Trend has done a feature on Rock Racing owner, pants maker, and noted smarm-monger Michael Ball's car collection:



The above photo rattled me even more than the bell on the FPMBL bike, and like the eerie specter, Ball too evoked an image from the past:



Interestingly, it turns out that Ball secretes irony even more heavily than he secretes oil (in these lean times, Rock's mechanics are reportedly blotting Ball hourly and using his natural oils to lube their riders' drivetrains), as is clear from the following excerpt in which he takes a great deal of liberty with the truth:



Ball describes the scene when his team arrives "tattered out" in their Cadillac "armada" to a race. "When we roll into town, man, people are just freaked out," Ball says. Asked what the skulls represent, he replies, "Take no prisoners - it's the old pirate creed. To roll up to a race in a Cadillac Escalade that's tattered with green on a black Escalade, everything's blinged out chrome, shit, even rolling up to a five-star hotel, people turn their heads and go, 'What the hell?'"

Ball had a prior relationship with Cadillac through Rock & Republic and convinced the automaker that sponsoring the team would be a good venture. "They said 'no we're not interested, our cycling initiative is Saab.' I said, 'the same guys who buy my $350 jeans are the same guys who buy the $12,000 bicycle, who buy your $80,000 Escalade. This is where you want to be.' They got on board for the first year in a small way, saw the return, said 'this is amazing,' sold a shitload of cars. That's exciting. We hope to get some hybrids for sure."

First of all, "tattered" means "ragged," so I'm not sure why Ball would brag that his team is "tattered out." I suppose it's possible that he means "tatted out," though since Kayle Leogrande's suspension for doping I'm not sure who else fits that description. Even more baffling is Ball's claim that, ever since Cadillac signed on as a sponsor, they've "sold a shitload of cars." Between 2007, when Rock Racing began, and today, GM stock has plummeted from a high of $42.64 to its current price of $2.88:



Using GM's sales as a positive indicator is like creating an ad for a diet product with a thin "Before" model and an obese "After" one. If anything, this probably means Rock Racing helped kill GM.

Sadly, though, we seem to be living in a time of devolution. And speaking of devolution and "Before" and After" shots, another reader has alerted me to a devolving Waterford:

Before:


After:


This just goes to show that all bad conversions aren't necessarily fixed-gear conversions. I'm all for practical bikes, but forcing a road bike to be a practical bike is like having lugged soles installed on your dress shoes. Sometimes, you've just got to wear different shoes. (Unless of course you take it all the way, like the World's Greatest Madone.)

On the other hand, here's another bike that actually wants a rack. Indeed, ever since I featured a Seven with a tall headtube last week, readers from far and wide (well, I only got like two, but one was from far and one was from wide) have been proudly forwarding me photos of their own giant front ends. Here's one reader's Romic, in the suggestive 69cm size, with its bars held aloft by a truly magnificent headtube:



It would seem we have entered into an age where cyclists are once again taking pride in the length of their headtubes, and this could very well presage a trend. I only hope companies like The Great Trek Bicycle Making Company are taking note. And something tells me they will, because Trek have just announced that they've opened a new design studio that "feels like a loft in a metropolitan area":



Personally, I find the notion that Trek have created a little hipster microcosm in the wilds of Wisconsin fascinating. It's like some sort of trendy space station, or one of those particle accelerators where scientists try to re-create the birth of the universe. Now, Trek designers can adopt the mindset of a Williamsburger or a Missionite and create things that will appeal to those people without having to actually live among them. I eagerly await the announcement of the first bicycle or product born entirely out of "Thing One." It will probably be well-executed yet still ineffably eerie, like Dolly the sheep. I suspect Trek is also leaving out the fact that "Thing One" is heavily fortified and doubles as a bunker in which John Burke and the rest of the Trek higher-ups will survive the Fixed-Gear Apocalypse. Then, years later, after the fallout, they will emerge and sell the survivors Districts.

At least the post-Apocalyptic future will be free from squeaky drivetrains.

See you again on Monday, February 16th.


--BSNYC/RTMS


369 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 369 of 369
Anonymous said...

ant201st!

kale said...

There once was a cyclist named Morgan,
who lived south of Astoria, Oregon.
He lives in a van,
And dreams of a clam
That looks like Thealphastate girl's organ.

frilly said...

AP, you really are an Aussie, aren't you?

My souvenir from the weekend.

Andy Pandy said...

Could not let antst grab em, as he podiuméd the other day.

True blue dinky di.
Does not look to all that much rash and gore, was it a slow fall by any chance???

frilly said...

Yes it was slow. My shin got all the scratchy bs. And my elbow's a little beat up.

Andy Pandy said...

In my journeys off bike I have found the slow the worst as you tend not to bounce and slide as much as per a fast fall. Thus nice deep bruising on pointy bits. Second and third days are the worse

frilly said...

LOL. You got that right. About all I was good for Sunday was the couch.

Andy Pandy said...

Did not scratch the Spesh Triple as that is all that matters. In my last airborne feat, took my bike to the guys who do work on it first, then the emergency ward for me as teh frozen peas were not having a lasting effect on broken bones

frilly said...

No, the bike came down on top of me. Human shield. A friend said it was a good thing it wasn't on the derailleur side!

Stuggy, if you're seeing this, are you sure you wanna ride support for me in Philly?

innerlighter said...

Frill,
I do own a razor, but since the aero benefit theory has been debunked, the only reason to shave would be massage and easier road rash dressing.

I have no soigneur (soigneuse?) or nurse, but I could be persuaded to make use of said razor if I could find someone with strong hands and a delicate touch.

Are you Specialized?

just askin'

Prick (the "P" is silent) said...

oh god,
why
am I so much more sensitive than everybody else ?
why
do I feel things so much more acutely than them,
and understand so much more.
I bet I'm the first person who's ever felt as rotten as this.
could it be
that I'm going to grow up
to be a great poet and thinker, and all those other wankers in my class
are going to have to work in factories or go on the dole?
yes, I think it could.

frilly said...

Innerlighter, I think we'd be an insurance company's nightmare!

sprider said...

Frills,
Ouch! Good thing you broke the fall for the Dolce.
I did that once for my Tarmac, cost a couple of broken ribs and a collapsed lung, but nary a scratch on the bike.

I rode one bright morn,
Enjoying sweet kiss of spring.
Taste of road too real.

ken e. said...

missed '200', damn!
frilly et all, vice magazine did the comprehensive study, and hard science on my part proves same.
hair is beneficial in blood clotting, so those really gory wounds heal up faster.
got the icy slap-down myself a couple of weeks ago.
(wincing)

T. McKay Battles said...

yesterday i passed a roadie on my fixed gear, told him it was my turn to pull, and he refused; scoffing at my bike.

tonight a fixed gear passed me, and when i said hello he just stared.

this nice weather is really bringing out the jerks in atlanta.

sorry, ant1, i'm sure it wasn't you.

bikesgonewild said...

...morgan...enjoy the waterford but remember one thing...if it sez campagnolo on it, there ain't no "crappy old" useless parts...

...just put 'em away, forget about 'em for a while & they slowly transmute into gold over the years...

...quality "stuff" from any era becomes valuable down the line...some a' those cool old framesets that got stripped, rattle canned & turned into fix gear abominations (& certainly not all of 'em are bad) will someday find new homes w/ re-done original paint schemes & will sit waiting for old school parts & a new life...

...& you'll be the owner of some of those parts......

Jason said...

last place??

panino said...

snobby, we miss you like there's now tomorrow!

and Frilly puuuuuuuuuulease, bring back the old pic... and you know what I'm talking about.

ant1 said...

T. McKay - I haven't been taking the fixie out lately, but if you did see me out on the roads, I would wave. Man, I went ont he saturday Tucker ride for the first time this past weekend. Pretty awesome. 80 some people, 24 average. Good times.

ant1 said...

Frilly - nice bruise. Innerlighter - nice bleeding.
I should post a picture of my leg. Got bitten by a brown recluse a couple of weeks ago. Looks very much like this pic, but bigger:
http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/ent/notes/Urban/images/br-bite.JPG
Good times still.

frilly said...

Antoine, no way, I got bit too about 15 years ago. Still have a huge ass dent in my leg from where the venom ate away the tissue. That is some nasty stuff. What stage are you in? Has your skin fallen off yet?

leroy said...

Haiku too?

Okey dokey:

Armstrong announces
Sorry Catlin, I'm fresh out,
Gave at the office.

kale said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kale said...

My ride today sucked
Worse than the snow- this wind shit
I hope spring comes soon

Surly Bastard said...

Two and two-bits.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

Mystery solved.

BSNYC has been consulting with Lance Armstrong on his Tour of California bike.

According to Armstrong's Twitter, here's the result.

http://tinyurl.com/ajse3a

I shall refrain from the obvious "hammering boosts street cred" observation.

(Who knew he was so funny?)

leroy said...

Kale:

Good luck for ride home.
And may the wind at your back
Never be your own.

ant1 said...

Frilly - the skin (or at least its top layer) fell off pretty early on. Since that it's been a big scab that slowly gets smaller as the center slowly gets deeper. I'm not sure about the stages, I never went to the doctor. I would say it's still in the disgusting looking stage, slowly making its way to the cool story to tell stage.

sprider said...

Snobby goes to play,
everybody keeps reading.
(And writing haiku)

Anonymous said...

Leroy-

That's not Lance's bike, he's a liar! It's a true Californian's.

Bonus Prize

Anonymous said...

Bummer Frilly! Here's a kiss for your boo-boo:

>*<

toast ghost said...

hey, i know that romic! if it's the one i'm thinking of, i installed the brakes, and the kid who rides it is TALL. and that does look like the delaware...

worm irks said...

thursday, here at work
bike snob will not post today
what am I to do?

CommieCanuck said...

Worm

Never Mind.

bikesgonewild said...

...Мне действительно нечего сказать, что с bikesnob в Нью-Йорке прошли, но я понял, если я сделал что-то сказать на русском языке, то представляется впечатляющим...

Anonymous said...

That's not an alpaca. It's a llama.

Anonymous said...

Snob, I'd like to see your comments on this.

http://www.ohgizmo.com/2008/02/04/crossbreed-folding-bicycle-wheel/

Bill said...

kale - i agree and getting windier, with gusts of 50+mph....i don't think you'll be seeing me on manhattan bridge tonight

ant1 said...

Anon 2:57 - that folding wheel is stupid. the surface area of the two configurations is pretty much the same. the only difference is that when folded, it's longer.

Add some humour, a badly drawn graph, a couple references to previous posts, a couple more to other things on the internet, an obscure allusion to 1980s culture, rewrite it so it's enjoyable to read, and you've got yourself snobby's comments on it.

Anonymous said...

http://santabarbara.craigslist.org/bik/1029009084.html

d. fofonov said...

I am not having friend named 'evgeni'. Yuri is his name and he is possessing all digits as I can tell. Although not plentiful in summertime, very few alligators are being present in winter, especially in Siberia.

Simply spoken. I am of course from south of Russia, making me krazni golava as they are saying.

worm irks said...

CommieCanuck, thanks!
danger of work averted
afternoon wasted

frilly said...

CC-love the Abe pic. I'm feeling the polka dots. See I told you he was hot.

Critical Ass said...

Bikes have peddles.

So do bass drums.

ant1 said...

Man, we'll never hit 500 comments at this rate.

kale said...

Podiums ain't everything,
But after winter, like spring,
It feels like everything.

Bill said...

love the mta, what's that about the verrazano?

Service Alert

Posted on:2/12/2009 5:37:42&nbspPM

Following an earlier incident, the upper level of the Verrazano Bridge is open at this time. All New York City Transit express and local bus service has resumed with residual delays.

Also, due to signal problems at the East 180th Street Station, there is no service on the Wakefield-bound and Eastchester-bound trains between the 149th Street-3rd Avenue Station to the East 180th Street Station.

Please expect delays in service on the and trains.

In addition, due to high winds, the upper level of the Verrazano Bridge is closed at this time. All New York City Transit express and local buses are running on the lower level of the bridge.

In addition, due to a traffic incident the Bayonne Bridge is closed. All S89 buses will be rerouted over the Goethals Bridge.

Please expect delays on all New York City Transit Express and local buses in Staten Island at this time.

Wes said...

Cheer up commenters
first or five hundredth, who cares?
Many do, it seems

Anonymous said...

500 COMMENT FAIL

red neckerson said...

aw kiss my fat ass
ricky and me are tired
of all the bullshit

Andy Pandy said...

Still hangin mid pack for the 300 comment sprint points

morgan said...

бгш...я впечатлен!

Cпасибо за совет. я надеюсь поехать на Yотерфордском велосипеде скоро.

morgan said...

So I figured out earlier. There are two of us vying for the same name.

It's morgan VS Morgan!

Who will win?
Is it even a battle?!
Who know there were two!?

leroy said...

Red --

Didn't you mean "Ricky and me is tired"?

Maybe tomorrow we'll do knock-knock jokes.

Disgruntl Ed. said...

that is your tattoo
equally lamentable
this is my haiku

sprider said...

Leroy, I'll start it,

Knock, knock:
Who's there?
Fork!
Fork who?
Fork who, fork you, too!

Bike related? You be the judge. Either 500 or 800, here we come.

kale said...

Knock, knock?
Who's there?
Guido.
Guido Who?
Guido dat when this guy gets a FG, the shark will jump Snob.

panino said...

I'm just giving it a little push
towards 500

Wrench Monkey said...

If tragedy does find me
And perchance if I should die,
Would you spare a thought or two,
Might you even cry?
I have seen misfortune,
Broken bones and road rash too,
But the pain of these has gone away
Not like this ache from you.
So good luck in all your races.
Have a glorious career.
And if you ever do return,
I will still be here.

bikesgonewild said...

...spasibo yerself, morgan...

...like a good bike ride, sometimes i'm willing to go the extra mile...

CommieCanuck said...

Frilly...few people know that before his acting career, Abe was a pro cyclist. Those aren't just polka dots, that's King of the Mountains, baby.

Anonymous said...

http://austin.craigslist.org/bik/1032371326.html

kale said...

This gets the cycling + cuteness award of the day.

Awww, too bad he's got the herpes now.

streepo said...

five hundred comments
so near yet so far, but hey
we can try anyway

Anonymous said...

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Emerson.

Emerson who?

Emerson some big boobies you got there, Frilly.

kale said...

Looking outside now
Sun with no clouds, little wind
Hey Boss, I'm leaving.

Anonymous said...

Jackie Durand takes a flyer for the 300 post points sprint, even though he has no points!!! The gutsy little Frenchman is on the rivet!!!

leroy said...

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Vaughters

Vaughters who?

Vaughters you vaiting for? The Tour of California is about to start.

Okay, maybe we go back to haiku and limericks. (But at least I didn't sink to an easy Vaughters and fluid sample joke.)

Anonymous said...

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Doping control.

Ah shit! Not again! You were just here 1/2 an hour ago! (says Armstrong)

Land shark.

Huh?

Candy gram.

Door opens...

frilly said...

cc, Abe looks a little tall to be a climber.

Wrench Monkey said...

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose bicycle had only one sprocket
He said with a sneer
Gears are so queer
And if your whip has brakes, I will mock it.

BikeSnobAustin IV said...

Some become infatuated with a Snob from New York,
Well known for calling out Dorks.
I spoof on those who've hijacked his name,
In turn I myself "snob" on the lame .
My pedestal mounts hand tight or speced torqued?

PoetrySnob (no fixed address) said...

There's just no meter in that poem at all.

PoetrySnob (no fixed address) said...

Not to mention some rhyme troubles lately.

Ryan said...

Hello Snob,

I just saw something which caused me unspeakable horror, confusion and yet some kind of amusement. I am sure that you are one of the only ones out there who will be able to to find the words to describe this.

Go see what I'm speaking about at:

http://www.velomarkt.ch/veloboerse.php?catid=13&subcatid=40&adid=78731

This site is like the equivalent of craiglist in Switzerland. the listed Item is a carbon coat hanger made out of a LIGHTWEIGHT CARBON RIM which has been sawn into pieces. Please note that the seller ewen was so considerable and extravagant to install a corresponding carbon hook.

Best,

Ryan, Switzerland

BSAIV said...

Lymeric criticism and assholes,
everyone's got one.

Well maybe there is someone out there who would never criticize a lymeric.

And maybe not everyone has an asshole.

Anonymous said...

I know a big douche with an IQ of a popsicle.
He owns a cafe named for his one testicle.
The kids in pediatric oncology think that's so sick
That their hero's obsessed with his own dick
And Lance and Bros think it's hysterical.

Anonymous said...

Little Durand has been off the front for over 3 hours now! This is amazing! All to take 3 points at the 300 post points sprint to open his account here on the penultimate day of the Tour de Snob! He has no chance to win the Green Jersey, but still he is giving it his all! He's literally dancing on the pedals! And the heads of state have come to the fore...

RM said...

1st~ Fri the 13th.

RM

Have a good weekend yall.

smartypants said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bikesgonewild said...

...i've no reason to rhyme,
but i will take the time
'cuz this poetry's starting to suck...

...& while 500's fine,
there's a definite decline
& the pundits will say "what the fuck" ???...

...while the numbers are there,
it's like no one showed care,
& the site is in need of some luck...

...so, please try & seek
a much loftier peak,
so we don't all end up in the muck !!!...

...just sayin'...

smartypants said...

BGW, thanks for being my leadout man and securing me in last place.

Now let's all get ready to celebrate for the most significant event of the weekend!

kale said...

There was a young man from Brooklyn,
Who thought that brakes were a sin.
But there came a bad day,
When his chain links did stray.
Now he rocks cadaver leg skin.

Bill said...

comments?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/bik/1033355188.html

ant1 said...

Bill - I'd pay $1700 just for that bar tape! And I'd add in another $1K for that see through front tire. The pink toe straps are pretty cute too.

Wes said...

Sub-teen poetry
Snob you should have known, surely
It would come to this?

Anonymous said...

ant1 - I think it has a pie plate too!!! That's how you KNOW it's a real racing bike!

red neckerson said...

aw fuck you leroy
i admits it i gots julene to type that out shes a high school and i think shes 18 maybe whats a year or two
i tolt her to type out one of them canadian poems with short lines and to be sure it said kiss my ass in it
she just about blown my cover but that aint the only thing she been blowing these days if you know what i mean

Bill said...

my thinking exactly ant1....those pink toe straps are sweet, rock/run/rub those with some pink deep v's!!!!!!! damn!

Bill said...

alas, if only i knew the frame size, or, well, really anything at all about the bike

wishiwasmerckx said...

Pedalling confortably at the back of the lead pack, biding my time til the comment 300 sprint. I think that I have enough left in my legs to take it.

bikesgonewild said...

...off topic (what topic ???...there's no real topic at this point) but...

...say what you will about lance (& i'm a supporter) but check out the tour of california press conference from thursday where he directly addresses paul kimmage...

...personally, i think kimmage got what he deserved for some earlier rather disgusting remarks...

...there are ways to express yerself mr kimmage & then there is the stupidity you spewed...

Bill said...

i agree bgw, nice stand he took

Anonymous said...

Champignons.

ricky said...

reds bullshiting you fellers there aint noone in viper whod touch him with a ten foot backer stick and his old lady would kill his ass and he got that line about being 18 maybe from a lile lovit song
he can only wish some hi skol girl will give him the time of day but hes butt ugly
asshole once ran over me with his car i say fuck him

wishiwasmerckz said...

Since there is no topic to be off of at this point, I have always wondered what is the name of the song Dave Stoller serenades Katarina with in the iconic film "Breaking Away?" With the masters of trivia and minutiae who contribute to this board, I am sure that somebody knows and can tell me.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Winding out the sprint...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Almost there...

wishiwasmerckx said...

300th!!! (throws hands in air in celebration, and promptly runs into roadside ditch.)

Anonymous said...

Durand swallowed by the pack to lick his wounds and to fight another day...

Anonymous said...

Seranade is from the opera "Martha"
by Friedrich von Flotow

ant1 said...

BGW - I think Kimmage's cancer in the peloton imagery was pretty good. What I loved was lance's that's an insult to all the people who have cancer comment. Way to dodge the accusations by hiding behind the puppies. Nobody would say anything bad about puppies. I also like what he said to Kimmage about no being worth the chair he was sitting in. Especially when it came within seconds of him saying people deserve second chances (talking about Basso and Floyd). That dude is such a douchebag.

ant1 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kale said...

wishiwasmerckx-

I believe it was "One for the Cutters" by The Hold Steady.

...lactic acidosis on the climb. I guess I shoulda listened to my trainer and taken a reprieve.

Bill said...

must...get...the.....comment......poi....

shit

have a good weekend yall

ant1 said...

So, who thinks Frankie Schleck is the next to get a call from CONI? That 6K was for training advice line is gonna come back to bite him in the ass if you ask me.

Anonymous said...

wishiwasmerckx -

THAT behavior, my good man, is the equivalent of drafting the lead motorcycle! Another such "tactic" from you and you will be relegated to pack time plus one minute!

bikesgonewild said...

...ant1...

...oh, that's right, i forgot you're french !!!...

...that would explain it...'cusez moi...

ant1 said...

BGW - that's a little too easy of a way to dismiss my comment. Kind of like saying I don't cheat cause I fight cancer.

Wes said...

ant1

Nice going. You saw Armstrong's straw man a mile off. He sure was fierce.

As for the three labs, who would have that much water available for testing? A man would need a bladder the size of a Camelbak.
Now there's an idea...
http://www.cyclexpress.co.uk/Products/Camelbak__Racebak.aspx

One of these, give them a dose of unadulterated child's pi55, et viola.

Anonymous said...

Guess Kimmage gave Lance "A Rough Ride," no?

Bluenoser said...

There once was a cyclist named Snob,

Who if corn was king of the cobb.

That went on vacation,

Instead of minding his station.

And totally abandoned his job.

-B

Bluenoser said...

Christ,

I thought redneckerson was isolated. What's all this about an interview?

-B

I've two TV channels onto Cycling tv I guess.

kale said...

wow...

http://newyork.craigslist.org/fct/bik/1033843968.html

morgan said...

Greenwich is part of the New York CL? Since when did they secede from CT?

That doesn't sound like a good investment? All you have to do is send him your bank account number...

morgan said...

"I've really had it with my dog: he'll chase anyone on a bicycle."
"So what are you going to do - leave him at the dog's home? Give him away? Sell him?"
"No, nothing that drastic. I think I'll just confiscate his bike."

morgan said...

I was speeding down a narrow, twisting, mountain road. A woman was driving very slowly uphill, honking her horn and shouting at me: "PIG! PIG!!". I flipped her the bird and shouted back "BITCH! COW!!". Then I collided with the pig.

morgan said...

A tired cyclist stuck his thumb out for a lift: After 3 hours, hadn't got anyone to stop. Finally, a guy in a sports car pulled over and offered him a ride. But the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The driver got some rope out of the trunk and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the rider: "If I go too fast, ring your bell and I'll slow down."
Everything went well until another sports car blew past them. The driver forgot all about the cyclist and put his foot down. A short distance down the road, they hammered through a speed trap. The cop with the radar gun and radioed ahead that he had 2 sports cars heading his way at over 150 mph. He then relayed, "and you're not going to believe this, but there's a cyclist behind them ringing his bell to pass!"

morgan said...

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

your wurst nightmare said...

Is this the sausage fest?

d. fofonov said...

Little joke:

You are saying that you being from Minsk, but I am thinking you are being from Pinsk.

leroy said...

Okay, we've been through limericks, haiku and knock, knock jokes.

Only thing left to do is to re-fit some classic yarns for biking.

So here goes.

Lance Armstrong's mom, Jonathan Vaughters' mom and Paul Kimmage's mom are bragging about how wonderful their sons are to them.

Armstrong's mom says "my son won the the Tour de France seven times and bought me a beautiful house."

Vaughters' mom says "my son was a world class climber and gave me a gold plated cup for collecting fluid samples."

Kimmage's mom says "oh that's nothing, my son finished the 1986 Tour in 131st place and has been seeing one of the most expensive therapists in Dublin five days a week ever since. It costs him tens of thousands of pounds every year. And who does he talk about? Me."

Of course, no one buys it.

Everyone knows Kimmage is obsessed with Lance.

innerlighter said...

This being Sunday, I move we adapt Bible verses to Bike Snobbery.

Anyone?

Me, I gotta get some sleep, so I can roll outta bed in the morning and catch the ToC on the way out.

Lance is friends with W right?
Maybe it'd be funny if I threw a shoe at him at sign in...


meh

bikesgonewild said...

...i'll be looking for kimmage at the post-stage press conference in santa rosa...

...i believe he'll be the one carrying his own chair...

bikesgonewild said...

...& ant1...i honestly don't know how to respond to your statements wherein you directly espouse the nomenclature kimmage uses for calling out armstrong...

...if you, like kimmage are that fucking insensitive & blind to the insults you cast upon any & all cancer victims including armstrong himself, then you are quite right in that i shouldn't dismiss you w/ an offhand semi-comical remark...

...i'll simply say, you need fucking help...serious fucking psychological help...just like paul kimmage...

...point wherever you wanna point & believe what you wanna believe as regards how armstrong achieved what he achieved but the lack of compassion you display & your boundless ignorance speaks in greater volume about you, much more so than anything you've said about lance armstrong...

...kimmage, walsh, lemond & a number of others have never accrued the proof they'd like to have done against armstrong & they have all in their own right become obsessive...
...trying to join the club ???...

Anonymous said...

http://velonews.tv/?articleID=2591

CommieCanuck said...

It doesn't help the anti-doping cause when Kimmage and Lemond are leading the cause, they are like the Bush-Cheney of doping critics.

Meh.

more on Paul Kimmage's chair

Anonymous said...

Roses are red,
violets are blue.
Lance never doped,
and cancer is cool.

Leprechaun said...

There once was trapper named Weaver,
Who had an affair with a beaver,
The result of that fuck,
Was a canvasback duck,
Two canoes
And a golden retriever.

People are correct that Lance is playing the pity card and people are also correct that Kimmage is an insensitive ass. They're professional athletes, what did you expect?

Andy Pandy said...

DAMN should have come up the front with wishiwasmerckx and let him lead out for me. That would be double sprint points. Now for an excuse, yep I was mid pack talking tactics on the team radio and we forgot all about it

Anonymous said...

Roses are red,
and ready for plucking.
High school girls graduate,
and are ready for...college.

Anonymous said...

For immediate sale cheap:
Lightly used, unique time trial rig. Discrete shipping available.

innerlighter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
innerlighter said...

Prized new possessions ------->



How bout that Mancebo?
I bet Ball needed a new pair of $300 jeans when Franceso came around ftw.

chump said...

http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/bik/1036292019.html

Anonymous said...

Roses are red
and sometimes are white
Kimmage asks questions
and Lance wants to fight

leroy said...

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
If it weren't for Lance,
All would ask "Kimmage, who"?

Lance is the news,
And Kimmage is not,
Unless he posesses
A Madone that is hot.

Anonymous said...

Not bike related...

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/fbh/1027381520.html

Anonymous said...

Sprinters wear green,
and Japan's full of ninjas
Lance just used ass-cream,
but Festina, syringes.

bikesgonewild said...

...mancebo was the awesome shit today...

...guy solos for over 4 hours in big wind & constant rain, finally gets attacked by two sprinters & has the huevos to use a 100 foot climb from out of a dip under the freeway to kick it for another block & takes the stage...

...quite a display...mad admiration for serious ass cycling skills...

...& absolute props to all the men & women racing today...i was just wussing around on my single, totally dressed for the rain n' cold & i still felt the weathers debilitating effects...there was beauty in the effort expended by every racing cyclist today...

Anonymous said...

Snob to his kid:

Roses are reddish,
violets are bluish.
Because I'm your Dad,
you are partially Jewish.

adam said...

lance got his bike stolen

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/other_sports/cycling/7891979.stm

Anonymous said...

so i see.

ant1 said...

BGW - I don't see how saying lance doped is an insult to cancer vicitms everywhere. And I've never heard anyone complaining about somebody else refering to anything as a cancer (and it's been done a lot over the years, refering to all sorts of things), except for Lance when the term is used on him. I also don't get why you call me boundlessly ignorant. Do you work for lance?

Anonymous said...

DFL

innerlighter said...

Play nice boys, you both have valid points.

Bill said...

yeah, i've gone back and forth about how i felt about that interview a hundred times....called myself names, fought, and then made up with myself (don't ask)

Anonymous said...

"Boundlessly ignorant" and "French." Is there really a difference?

ant1 said...

I guess not. I thought the boundlessly ignorant referred to my dislike of lance. I stand corrected.

kale said...

Lance's new sponsor: Kryptonite.

leroy said...

Now just a doggone minute.

"Boundlessly ignorant" has nothing to do with being French.

The "boundless" part tips you off to the fact that it's not limited by geo-political demarcation.

It's like Doctors Without Borders for the clueless.

(Ant1 -- of course folks use cancer analogies all the time. It's just tacky, unimaginative and boundlessly ignorant to appply the analogy to describe someone who has actually had cancer -- especially where that person raises awareness and funds to fight the disease. Lance had a valid point, to misuse the analogy for a cheap soundbite/headline like Kimmage did demeans the seriousness of the suffering of those battling the disease.)

One more thing: Ant351st!

Anonymous said...

Sean Mills, President of The Onion, said angry letters about their news parody always carried the same message. "It’s whatever affects that person," said Mills. "So it’s like, 'I love it when you make a joke about murder or rape, but if you talk about cancer, well my brother has cancer and that’s not funny to me.' Or someone else can say, 'Cancer’s hilarious, but don’t talk about rape because my cousin got raped.' I'm using extreme examples, but whatever it is, if it affects somebody personally, they tend to be more sensitive about it."

ant1 said...

Leroy - good points, but don't you think that lance's personal attacks on any journalists daring to ask about doping kind of demeans the seriousness of the doping problem in cycling? Assuming that all the attacks against lance are worthless/stupid (and I think the cancer in the peloton thing, while unimaginative is fitting), don't you think his responses to them are petty and unproffessional? Why not just ignore them instead of playing the cancer card? Why the insults? I can't remember all the details right now, but wasn't the cancer in the peloton comment made before the news conference in question? Why bring it back up, other than to in turn insult kimmage? Journalists are journalists. They try to get scoops, find stories even when there are none, and use controversy to sell whatever they're selling. Rise above it instead of feeding their habit. He's not the only athlete to have journalists on his ass about doping. I haven't heard any other athlete directly insult a journalist.

Bill said...

at first i gave him points for cutting off the hand that feeds, just saying that even though publicity is my bread and butter, i can still decide whom to talk to. however, i guess the severity of his attack is the part that is a bit odd. yes, it was insensitive, lance had a great forum to make that point, which he did, but he could of just said so, and still denied him an interview. not sure he needed to say 'not worth the chair' and 'never forgive you'

CommieCanuck said...

anyone know where I can get those cool rock racing shorts with "DEAD" stenciled across the crotch?

Anonymous said...

One of a kind - Used Astana Time Trial bike(s) for sale...

http://www.news10.net/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=54827&catid=2

Edwig Van Hooydonck said...

The race for the Lanterne Rouge begins.

bikesgonewild said...

...ok, ant1...this is gonna be a long post...

...you either "get it" or you don't...& you keep admitting that you don't because you've mentioned about three different times & ways that you thought that kimmages "cancer" reference was a good analogy...

...leroy addresses that particular situation in an erudite manner...

...beyond that, i can only say that while lance armstrong may have doped (& i've never said he didn't just as i've never said he did...i don't have proof either way), then he would have been one of a high percentage of top professionals who may have done so...therefore, rather than constantly address one high profile individual, why are you not directing your vitriol at the actual problem &/or all the cyclist's involved ???...

...surely you don't believe that the very few who've made admissions are the only ones who may have been involved in the practice ???...

...then you ask why armstrong addresses the situation rather than moving on...good lord, listen to the leading (read: pretentious) question posed by kimmage...it's designed to do nothing but inflame & of course put kimmage himself in the limelight as a "serious" journalist...

...personally, i thought kimmage deserved armstrong's well crafted response...armstrong is no more manipulative than paul kimmage...they both have a bike racers mentality & they go for the jugular...kimmage bled, lance not so much...

...& no, i do not work for or pal about w/ lance armstrong...i have a large ego but not the kind that would bring me into his circle...

...that being said, it would be an absolute privilege to shake the man's hand & say "thank you" for a particular reason...

...i had an extremely serious medical problem (no, not cancer) wherein i almost died during the time of the 2002 tour...i lay in a hospital bed before a massive surgical procedure, looking up at tv coverage & thought "that motherfucker defied the odds w/ his comeback...that drive & determination is my inspiration...i will be back on the bike & i will be back hard"...

...& ant1...it took me several years to fully recover but i guarantee you, while i have to cycle intelligently, i don't hold myself back...

...i'm only one person that lance armstrong has inspired...

Andy Pandy said...

Sweep sweep sweep, burnt myself out in the sprint stages. Where is that god-damn truck

ant1 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ant1 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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fantastic.....good post....largest number of commentators....seem to have large fanfair ;)

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