Friday, February 6, 2009

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!


(European eBay auction photo, via Fyxomatosis)

Further to yesterday's post, it turns out there are far better ways to get your hands on some adult material than ordering a pair of Knog gloves from the Secret Website. A reader has forwarded me an article from the Chicago Tribune about a company called the Kinky Llama, which will deliver sex toys to your home via bicycle:



(Anthony Mikrut indicates the size of his largest sex toy.)


I was inspired by the owner's can-do spirit, though I was less impressed with the Tribune's reporting. Firstly, they failed to coax from him the sorts of anecdotes that would be of interest to cyclists. (I'm sure he's had to dip into his stock while out on the road to "MacGyver" himself out of some tricky situations. After all, what cyclist hasn't booted a tire with a flavored condom?) Secondly, the accompanying video is preceded by a commercial for a child talent search that begins, "Hey Kids!":


(Child indicates the size of her dreams.)

I'm glad that the Chicago Tribune expects lots of kids to be watching their video about the man who delivers vibrators and pornography on his bicycle for a living.

Speaking of phallic things, you may recall I recently mentioned that a Dick Power bicycle would be a perfect complement to the VAGX messenger bag. Well, I've since received a heartfelt plea from a reader on Long Island who is in possession of an actual Dick Power frame and fork and needs to sell. Now, ordinarily I observe a strict policy of not using this blog as a platform to help individuals make sales. However, the opportunity to help somebody acquire a Dick Power is simply too novel to pass up. As such, if you're interested in getting your hands on a Dick Power, contact the owner via email at this address. The size of the frame is apparently somewhere in the neighborhood of 56cm. That's nearly two feet of Dick Power! Again, I do not know or vouch for the seller, nor do I stand to profit from the sale, but do I take puerile pleasure in cringe-worthy puns so if I can help two people exchange money for Dick Power then I'm just happy to be involved in some way.

Moving on from Dick Power to long headtubes, a proud Seven owner has forwarded me a picture of his ride:


On Monday I expressed consternation over the fact that so many expensive Sevens have an abundance of headset spacers despite being custom-built for each rider. As such, this particular reader wanted me to know that when ordering his own bike he insisted it have no more than 10mm of spacers, which resulted in a clean look and a headtube that could be described as "epic." Personally, I think it looks like it was backed into some kind of miniaturization ray but only passed halfway through, and I don't see why the top tube couldn't also be more level to minimize this effect, but I won't pretend to understand the "magic" that goes into custom-tuning each Seven's ride characteristics. At least the frame actually looks like it was built to fit the rider. In any case, I thank this reader for the photo and I congratulate him on his bike--though a wider view reveals that his dog is unimpressed:


Having said that, I now present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think carefully, and click on your answer. If you're right, you'll know it. If you're wrong, you'll see this lo-fi promotional video for the Neuvation crabon fiber road frame, forwarded to me by the proprietor of Metal Inquisition.

Best of luck, and ride safe this weekend.


--BSNYC/RTMS


1) Which is not an actual reason given by the seller of this bike for its SPMBL (Seat Post-Mounted Brake Lever)?

--It's "hot to def"

--It "make it cool to run a brake"

--"In Portland (the fixie Mecca) its illegal to not have brakes so the riders there run them like this"

--"cause you never know when you need and emergency brakes and you are not running clips"


2) Which is not an actual selling point given for this bike?

--"Perfect for commuting and just leaving outdoors"

--"Great for everyday use"

--"Recently overhauled"

--"Great 'Winter bike'"



3) According to the owner, this SE Lager:

--"Kills it on the regular"

--"Attracts beaver"

--"Turns heads allday"

--"Attracts beavers"



4) According to the seller, these bars are:

--"Rad"

--"Fierce"

--"Awesome sauce"

--All of the above


5) Where was this miniature P-Far sighted?

--San Francisco, CA

--Portland, OR

--Vancouver, BC

--Seattle, WA




6) Where was this unorthodox bar setup spotted?

--The Urban Outfitters in Santa Cruz, CA

--"No Brakes" track bike boutique in Atlanta, GA

--Juan Pelota, the cafe at Mellow Johnny's bike shop in Austin, TX

--The vegan student co-op store at UC San Diego



7) This image depicts which dreaded mechanical phenomenon?

--Seal Drag

--Smoking Races

--Cooked Tires

--Difficulty shifting under load



8) Whose knuckles are these?

--Hooch of Peddlin Kustoms

--Pooch of Peddlin' Customz

--Mooch of Meddlin' Kustomz

--Richard Sachs

121 comments:

Scott said...

Toppermost of the poppermost

wes said...

second

wes said...

ye gods

Wes said...

Where is everyone?

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Anonymous said...

Top 10!!!

hillier99 said...

Top 10!

Wes said...

Shootin' fish in a barrel.

Anonymous said...

i don't believe it

RB1 said...

zoom

Anonymous said...

coasting

Wes said...

Seven owners grass could do with a cut - first real comment.

Wes said...

Somebody stop me.

Wes said...

Too Excited? Overkill? I'll stop.

Ben said...

I think i passed. .

Anonymous said...

FIRST!!!

RB1 said...

i don't think that's a dog. looks more like a monkey.

Wes said...

Forgot to say it's my birthday - same as Bob Marley, Ronald Reagan and Rick Astley. I bask in their reflected glory. Oh and happy Waitangi day, kiwis.

Anonymous said...

I just added "Awesome Sauce" to my vernacular repertoire.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

y

Anonymous said...

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/pete.meg/wcc/facility-of-the-month/July2004.htm

kale said...

Forget the vegan bike's bar unorthodoxy, check out the locking method's rejection of the dominant paradigm.

red neckerson said...

libary porn

Bill said...

wes is on fire!!!

usual suspect said...

ici

Anquetil's Mother said...

and then there is:

http://failblog.org/2008/03/09/dangerous-bike-lane/

Camp Cupboard said...

The No-head-bikini pic, oldest trick in the (beer) advertising book. Bor-ing.

wrench monkey said...

Those pics of the rad bars are barely safe for work. Btw, RB1, I don't know for sure what that animal is, but it's definitely NOT a monkey.

Anonymous said...

why isn't the euro-ebay pic rendered safely in sepia tone? Snob, in this recession, managers are looking for easy layoffs, and the NSFS threshold has officially been lowered to include poorly lit gratuitous triathlete bikini shots.

kale said...

NSFW?

Disgruntl Ed. said...

That Seven picture is too disturbing:

How is that bike standing up? Does it have an unseen kickstand? Or is the tree emitting some forcefield that the bike can lean against?.

About that tree, it's so amazing it needs to be illuminated at night. What exactly is so amazing?

Where are the cars? This place looks like it was made for the things.

That's not a dog or a monkey. It's a beaver with blonde highlights and a tail that has been amputated. I can't stand that kind of cruelty.

Worst of all, that headtube is weirdly long. The whole frame looks wrong.

This picture must have been sent from some other dimension. I don't care to know which.

Nick said...

DUDE! listen to the neuvation video with headphones on. Thats all I'm saying.

creepy

Anonymous said...

Nick--

Hearing "It's beefy" whispered into my left year harks back to my days in San Francisco.

wishiwasmerckx said...

That, my friends, is a Weimaraner, a princely hunting dog. It is not a monkey or a beaver.

the usual suspect said...

and exactly the type of dog which a seven owner would get

Anonymous said...

I hope that Seven-owner picks up after Fay Ray.

Wombat said...

I am not a dog or a monkey or a beaver. I am a wombat. Can I get a little privacy?

Anonymous said...

I just added "Awesome Sauce" to my vernacular repertoire.

I just added some "Awesome Sauce" to my vernacular repertoire, and then added both to my pants.

wishiwasmerckx said...

A good post, but it neglected to mention that today is Rip Torn's birthday, a fact even overlooked by Wes in his Feb. 6 compilation. (Do not ask me why I know that today is Rip Torn's B-day.)

BTW, Wes, I noted that you share a birthday with a former president, Ronald Reagan. I share a birthday with a former president, too...July 6, George W. Bush. Wanna trade?

brettok said...

Wow, the Nuvatron (or whatever it's called) frame proves that even pieces of shit can be vertically compliant!

And because Waitangi Day is now over here, I'm disappointed that I didn't know we could've celebrated it as Rick Astley Day...

brettok said...

AND Rip Torn!

It just gets better...

Dave! said...

How can you have a blog posting that includes Dick and Sachs but not Michael Ball (singular) or Lance Armstrong (ball, singular)?

carlos said...

dog pooping behind a seven bike, funniest thing on this site all week.

ozzie, ozzie,ozzie, hoy, hoy, hoy said...

This is a Wombat,
the symbol of our land.
You can put it in your pocket,
or you can hold it in your hand.

n. pelosi said...

If you don't give me a trillion dollars you are going to eat leftover dog food and drink your own pee for the rest of your life.

marmot said...

Can't a marmot take a dump without being called all kinds of names?

stuggy said...

Anonymous 1:57, that is the hardest I've laughed all week!

Added both to your pants! Hahahahahahaha!

Anonymous said...

That Seven is botched plastic surgery. It's "fixed" but that John-Holmes-length head tube is utterly out of proportion with the rest of the bike -- ugly. Why not get a stem with a little rise in it?

Anonymous said...

I bet that gangly loser with the seven has a tattoo.

Sasquatch said...

Keep makin' fun of my bike and I'll eat the puppy and make YOU my bitch!

Anonymous said...

I assume that Neuvation video was filmed in the prison where the frame was made, using a video camera with a lens made from a clear plastic cup smuggled from the cafeteria. And that audio - it was though the inmate-manufacurer was actually breathing in my ear as he whispers "vertically compliant." I want one of those frames.

Bluenoser said...

Christ, the head tube on that Seven, why doesn't the owner just get some apehanger bars??

-B

Anonymous said...

a "chopped carbon&fiber" handlebar on that portland peugeot with cottered cranks for $265? Whoever buys this bike should have just paid someone $265 to kill them...

Weimarpoo said...

Love the mini-penny!!

innerlighter said...

#8
I thought it was Lennard Zinn.

TALL DORK




meh

grog said...

Heeeeeer, kitty, kitty, kitty.

You birthday boys can get the special deal on a pachyderm jersey! Order it in small size.

PAKY DERM

Morgan said...

waitaminutewaitaminute

A tall stem means you're riding a frame too small, but of a footlong seatpost we have "At least the frame actually looks like it was built to fit the rider."

I understand that shorter chainstays can give you stiffer=more efficient power transfer so you might be better off with a smaller frame, but if you can build a stiff seat post so your hips don't wiggle when you crank, why can't you get a stiff stem so you can pull on the bars?

Anonymous said...

innerrlightter 2:57=

JUST DORK

Team Rider 3 said...

BikeSnob outed? Probably not. Team Two Wheel

syberjunkie said...

oh dear gawd, between the dog taking a poop and that Neuvation, this has been the best way to wrap up a week in a long time.

Kale said...

Morgan-

Everyone knows that there's no such thing as a cyclist over 6'2":

Case in Point

BikeSnobAustin IV said...

Dave! 2:03

You stand corrected on your critique that BikeSnobNYC did not consider Mr. Armstrong today.

Please reference the third choice of the Friday Quiz #6 for Lance worship in this RTMS blog post.

I'd rather drink gravel, broken glass, and razorblades

Don't forget to check out the twitter links!

Fierce Panties said...

Nancy 2:09

If you're going to drink your own urine then don't forget your sterile technique when inserting the coude for the Urophagia Bladder Free Cameltoe Hydration Device, UBFCHD

Also, for your own personal knowledge base, dog food droppings wash out of this jersey with out staining too badly.

Anonymous said...

Love that dog!

Fierce Panties said...

Anon 3:49

Because of the surgical drapes it's easy to mistake this for a dog dick. He's human.

Anon 3:49 said...

Anyone else just get a craving for hotdogs?

Anonymous said...

That Neuvation video made me dizzy. I need to lie down.

Dave! said...

Apropos, BSA Cuatro (3:27). I could argue that the reference is oblique, but I defer to your superior grasp of espaƱol.

leroy said...

VELV EETA

Hmmmm, that is some fierce cheese.

(BSNYC -- the unimpressed dog bit -- very nice. The classics really never do go out of style.)

Ride safe all!

Eric P said...

In Copenhagen, they know how to deliver "marital aids" by bike: www.copenhagencyclechic.com/2009/01/dildohagen.html.

Shram said...

You suckers fell for it, that's just a regular-sized Seven with 20" wheels.

Anonymous said...

The dog was nonplussed

AskReamer said...

"Carbon & Fiber?" It's the Muesli of bikes, and like the Muesli of food, makes me think of poop.

CommieCanuck said...

A penguin drives into a service station on a really hot day with his engine smoking.
He asks the mechanic to take a look, while he goes across the street to buy some ice cream. He emerges minutes later with the ice cream dripping all over him, and approaches the mechanic.

" what's wrong with the car?" says the penguin.

"I think you blew a seal" says the mechanic.

"Nah, that's just ice cream".


AWESOME SAUCE

Dan said...

Jobst Brandt knows about long headtubes..
Now this is a headtube

CommieCanuck said...

I'm going retro this spring, but P-farthings are sooo 2008.

I likes my dandy horse.

Horsin' it. Olde school.

DNDY HRSE

innerlighter said...

Commie,

"It looks like" you blew a seal.


...but I digest

innerlighter said...

and this one?

bikesgonewild said...

...i'm gonna 'zefal' one a' wes's wheels if he continues like this on the next lap...

...tryin' to decide if it should be a simple "rear wheel: betcha didn't know a bike could stop THAT fast, huh wes ???" to make a point or whether maybe to go for the more spectacular "front wheel: damn, look at wes, he's doing gymnastics AND having a yard sale !!!" bet he never does that again, approach...

...just speculatin'...

Skid Mark PDX said...

I wish idiots would not continue to repeat the myth that it's illegal to have no handbrake on a fixed gear bike in Portland. The law states that you must have a brake that can skid the rear wheel, and a fixed hub definitely allows you to skid. When they re-wrote the law they changed it to being able to stop from 10 mph in a distance 15' which any fixed gear bike with a semi-competent rider can do.

Two cops harassing bike messengers, and a judge that goes along with them do not make it illegal. The rest of the cops in Portland could give a shit less as long as you are obeying the traffic laws.

bikesgonewild said...

...& commiecanuk...

...hey, if they're good enough for 'levi leipheimer'...

BikeSnobAustin IV said...

Dave!

Oblique?

Si, pero todos los caminos conducen directamente a Lance.

Anonymous said...

It's illegal to have no handbrake on a fixed gear in Portland.

Anonymous said...

It's illegal to have no handbrake on a fixed gear in Portland.

Anonymous said...

http://blog.wired.com/cars/2009/02/lightlanes-lase.html?cid=147874465#comment-147874465

Last comment is the best!!!

kale said...

Skidmarkpdx-

It's not so much the Rose Patrol but the self righteous weekend-warriors who know what's best for everyone and aren't afraid to tell you every time you fuck up, that you gotta watch out for.

I think it's against the law a lot of places, but so is sodomy in the "great" state of Idaho (All sodomy acts illegal. Penalty = (5 years to life)) it doesn't mean that people still won't do it. Just do it in your own house (which is where most hipster keep their brakeless fixies when it's raining) and nobody will be the wiser.

Morgan said...

innerlighter- I'd ride that!

I had a 27" 1989 Cannondale ST400. Big enough for my legs, (I'm 6'3", so a "bicycle operator" but not a "cyclist") but top tube too long for my torso. Gave away the frame & built a frankenbike with a long seat post & tall stem.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Q: What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A: They both like a tight seal.

bikesgonewild said...

..."koo kook a choo"...

Anonymous said...

No bgw...

V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!

Anonymous said...

It's illegal to have no handbrake on a fixed gear in Portland.

ant1 said...

Anon 4:58 - yes it is!

Skid Mark PDX said...

The law in Oregon: “A bicycle must be equipped with a brake that enables the operator of the bicycle to stop the bicycle within 15 feet from a speed of 10 miles per hour on dry, level, clean pavement"

Brake is undefined. You can stop a fixed gear bike in 15' from a speed of 10mph without a handbrake and without dragging your feet on the ground, so obviously a fixed gear hub functions as a brake unless you are capable of defying the laws of physics and gravity.

Portland has no special law about fixed gear bikes, just two overzealous motorcycle cops who have a buddy who is a judge. They are the only two cops in the whole state who will ask you to stop and when you do, give you a ticket for "no brakes", no other cops gives a shit as long as you obey traffic laws.

Wes said...

Bill

Be ready with the extinguisher next time.

wishiwasmercx

Thanks, but no thanks. I'm looking for a more Jimmy Carter type of angle.

bikesgonewild

duly noted - ant1 can have the top spot, I know my place.

Ricklsd said...

Anyone else noticed that knuckle tattoo is bilingual?
velo is French and vita is Italian.

Anonymous said...

So, according to Oregon law, I can just throw myself to the ground at a speed of 10 mph and as long the bike (but not necessarily me) stop within 15' that is the same as having a functional brake?

Sounds fishy. I still think that Portland should have special laws that apply just to fixters...fucking brakeless dipshits...

broomie said...

Snob,
I like the direction this blog is going. Please post more porn and nude women. I'll be happy to pay a subscriber fee for the privilege to read about bikes and whack off simultaneously.

As a busy triathlete I welcome the opportunity to save time wherever I can.

Anonymous said...

Ant1-

You missed the best comment:

"You merge with know warning, you dont maintain the speed limit (yes thats in there to you have to keep up with the cars) you dont stop at red-lights or stop signs and more often then not you hit people in crosswalks and yell at them. Learn to ride right or stay off the roads. As for the tax issue UMMM you dont pay gas taxes maby you should pay a bike tax."

-m3kt3K

...century?

Anonymous said...

Top 100! yay!!!

Bluenoser said...

Shit, missed it by that much.

-B

Anonymous said...

Seven's have big riser stacks to accommodate all those dentists whose backs are whacked from years of plucking plaque from your chicklets. 7 sux and dentists are the realtors of the health care world.

j j j jjjunk.

love,
everyone

d. fofonov said...

Yes, penis is thawing.

leroy said...

How lovely for you Mr. Fofonov.

Now, please put it away.

No one asked if that was your Seven.

And on Valentine's Day, trust me, you're better off giving long stemmed roses than a long stem and risers no matter how you try to explain it.

There's a reason why that dog in the photograph BSNYC posted is unimpressed.

G.K. Chesterton said...

Truth is a fixster standing on his head.

Obrah Winfree said...

Skid Mark PDX- try the comments section at bikeportland.org.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 5:09pm...wtf...ok, i'll bite...
..."um, what or who is an early bolshevik revolutionary hero, alex"...

...& please, wes...good lord man...it's not about hierarchy...you're certainly as entitled as anyone to go for the win but if the 'uci' (the union commentaires international) had a taunting rule, you would have been relegated to lanterne rouge...
...besides...you asked to be stopped...viola...surefire method...

Wes said...

BGW

Viola? Surely you mean cello?

y.y. ma said...

If you throw a violist and a soprano off a cliff, which one will hit the ground first?

The soprano. The violist will have to stop and ask for directions.

I'll be here all week. Try the roast beef.

bikesgonewild said...

...wes...that is what happens when you 'fiddle' w/ the computer at 4:40 in the am...

Wes said...

bgw

That's tuba'd. It's definitely time to bow out.

T. McKay Battles said...

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=419923825

feet belts. like that guy in the article with the advice on how to get your bike ready for winter.

T. Daschle said...

FREE LIMO

Chris said...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v160/b3passatBMX/0509081329.jpg

nice

Anonymous said...

velo vita guy very velveeta cheesy. fuckn lame tats brah...

Commiecanuk said...

anon 9:51,

Rule Britannia!

Andy Pandy said...

Hey Frills, tell me that you have been moonlighting over at Fyxomatosis

Udder said...

That's not a dog or a monkey. It's a black midget sitting on one of the dildos that the bike messengner delivers.

sektor2kemayoran@gmail.com said...

Fist Fhotos (Sexy Bicycles)

dinoibo said...

Sesli sohbet Sesli chat
Seslisohbet Seslichat
Sesli sohbet siteleri Sesli chat siteleri
Sesli Chat
Sohbet Sesli siteler
Sohbet siteleri Chat siteleri
Sohbet merkezi chat merkezi
Sesli merkezi sesli Sohbet merkezi
Sesli chat merkezi Sohbetmerkezi
Sesli Sohbet Sesli Chat
SesliSohbet Sesli chat siteleri
Sesli sohbet siteleri SesliChat
Sesli Sesli siteler
Seslimuhabbet sesli muhabbet
sesli sohbet sesli chat siteleri
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslisohbet seslichat
seslikent sesli kent
sesli sohbet sesli sohbet siteleri
sesli chat sesli chat siteleri
seslisohbet seslichat

ekle paylas said...

nice blog Thanks for sharing. voicesohbet was really very nice.
sesli chat siteleri sesli sohbet
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslichat seslisohbet
sesli siteleri chat siteleri
sohbet siteleri sesli siteler
voice sohbet sesli sohbet siteleri
sesli sohbet seslisohbet
sohbet siteleri sesli chat siteleri
seslichat sesli chat
herkesburda herkes burda
sohbetmerkezi sohbetmerkezi