Monday, January 26, 2009

Innovation or Catastrophe? Scratching, Cradling, Sanding, and Beating Your Way to a "Better" Bike

The world, as we all know, is filled with idiots. This is particularly apparent if you travel by bicycle. The bicycle allows you to cover great distances, thus exposing you to a wide cross-section of idiocy. Also, because you are exposed and at street level, there is no barrier protecting you from that idiocy. While you can see idiocy from the window of a car, bus, or train, you don't also get to feel, touch, taste and smell idiocy like you can while on a bicycle. (If you're wondering, idiocy tastes metallic, with a hint of fruit.)

One of my favorite types of idiot is the "amateur traffic director." Occasionally, this idiot springs to action in the event of an emergency, such as a traffic accident or a power outage, and attempts to keep traffic moving until a "professional traffic director" (traffic cop) arrives. More often, though, the amateur traffic director simply takes it upon himself to halt traffic and route it around his idiot friend or co-worker who feels the need to perform an illegal operation with his vehicle.

I encountered one of these idiots just this morning. He was attempting to stop traffic on a busy downtown Brooklyn street during rush hour so his friend could make a u-turn in his Ford Explorer. As it happened, I was the first vehicle this amateur traffic director selected for stopping. He looked me dead in the eye, put one hand up in the universal "Halt!" gesture, and started waving his friend on with the other.

I could only laugh. I mean, come on. I don't even follow most traffic laws. What makes me think I'm going to stop for you? Maybe--maybe--you'd at least impart some authority if you were wearing a day-glo safety vest. Then I might be momentarily fooled into thinking you were stopping traffic for something important, like a giant hole into which I might fall if I kept going. But the only thing your outerwear conveyed was that you like the Giants, and I don't think "Stop! Giants fan!" has ever worked on anybody. It was kind of cute, though, and I've got to give you credit for trying.

But there are plenty of idiots on bikes, too. And when those idiots get angry at other idiots, things can get ugly. Over the weekend many readers forwarded me these controversial bar end plugs, which are apparently intended for keying cars:













I don't think these are really for sale, mostly because I couldn't find any indication anywhere of how to actually buy them (though I am, admittedly, an idiot). Maybe the weaponry experts at Competitive Cyclist can sell them along with the pepper spray. But if someone is attempting to actually market these, they're completely stupid for the following reasons:

--The people who go around scratching cars are the ones for whom everything is a subliminal act of revenge towards their parents, and for whom the phrase "One Less Car" excludes the Volkswagen Jetta they received as a present for graduating from Sarah Lawrence. And, as we all know, those sorts of people ride fixed-gears. And Sara Lawrence graduates who ride fixed-gears carry their keys on carabiners which hang from the waists of their snug jeans or capris, thus making them easily accessible for anti-bourgeois car-scratching adventures. There's simply no need for additional keys on the handlebars.

--Narrow bars are all the rage. Why would anybody add unsightly millimeters with these things?

--If you're running, rocking, or rubbing any other type of bar on your anti-bourgeois, car-scratching, "Screw you Mom and Dad!" bike these bar end plugs will be utterly useless. What good are they sticking out from the front of a pair of bullhorns, or from the ends of a pair of drop bars where they might stab you in the knees?

But perhaps the biggest problem with these keyed bar end plugs is the comic hijinx that would ensue if someone were to try and actually use them. I would love to see an enraged cyclist ride up to a car and attempt to run his handlebars along the side of it. As soon as the key snagged on a door handle or a gap between the panels the bike would immediately steer into the car and probably leave the rider splayed across the hood or roof. And even if the cyclist were able to scratch the car and remain upright, the kinds of people who scratch cars (see above) are not the kinds of people who fare well in physical altercations with enraged motorists whose cars they have just damaged. People in the throes of road rage generally don't stand there and wait for you to rummage around in your messenger bag for your can of pepper spray.

Speaking of messenger bags, if you're a diminutive urban cyclist prone to petty and juvenile acts of vandalism, VAGX is the bag for you:


I'd always thought VAGX was an over-the-counter topical cream used to treat labial swelling (similar to Univaga), but thanks to Prolly's blog I now know it's a brand of bag. VAGX bags come in lots of "colorways," which is what people who wear flat-brim caps call "colors," and they're very spacious, so rest assured that you can cram plenty of crap into your VAGX. Best of all, VAGX offers lots of "collabo" products. My deepest hope is that someone will resurrect the Dick Power marque and we'll one days see a "Dick Power X VAGX" bag. That would beat the hell out of plastic bar end plugs with key blanks stuck through them.

But until I can buy a Dick Power X VAGX bag, I guess I'm going to have to make do with a Shimano XTR hub. A reader forwarded me this link, and I was delighted to read that the XTR hub will actually "cradle the balls":



If you've been looking for an excuse to upgrade, here it is. The XTR hub is a huge step up from the XT model, which merely cups the balls, and a significant upgrade from the LX hub, which kind of mushes them. I don't even want to say what a Deore hub does to the balls, but suffice to say unless you want to replace your balls on a regular basis you're better off walking. Actually, you might as well put the balls in a vise. On the other hand, if you want to experience pure bliss, try adding the Shimano's Yumeya aftermarket kit. Suki desu ka? Hai, suki desu! The balls will say domo arigato gozaimasu.

But what do you do if you can't upgrade your hub to one that cradles the balls because you use an Aerospoke? Well, you can always get that magical tubular ride by grinding your rim down:







Front Aerospoke 700c non clincher, gloss black, MINT fixed gear/fixie - $245 (Union Square)
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2009-01-22, 12:02PM EST


Im selling my new Front aerospoke. it is in MINT condition.


its a 700C that was originally a clincher, but i sanded it down, and had it professionally resprayed all black and then clear coated. there ones super tiny chip in the paint but its literally like brand new. super light wheel, hate to get rid of it but i need the money and its been to cold to enjoy my bike.


my cell is 973 [deleted] call / text me.


thanks, Mark


(pic is from when i had it mounted to my bike for a very short time, the sticker is no removed)

If you're unfamiliar with the technical magic behind the Aerospoke, it basically involves gluing a Velocity Aerohead rim to a composite wheel body. So to then take that Aerohead rim and sand it down in order to accept a tubular tire is an exceedingly stupid thing to do. (A process, I might add, which he reveals after asserting that the wheel is in MINT condition. I guess in Craigslist speak, "mint" means "severely compromised.") This might very well be the most dangerous front wheel in all of New York City, and the "Molotov" sticker on it is expecially fitting since it's liable to blow up at any time. Interestingly though, he doesn't say it's actually a "tubular" wheel now. He just says it's a "non clincher." Perhaps he's simply rubbing a wheelchair tire, like this guy:


(photo by Lilia of Velo Vogue)

I've come across the wheelchair wheel bike before, and I'm pleased to see it's still in service. In any case, whoever buys the sanded Aerospoke should have plenty of opportunity to experiment with wheelchair setup after that rim falls apart on the Williamsburg Bridge.

But when it comes to true mechanical innovation, you've got to go to Columbus, from whence a reader has forwarded me this:




parts off my 10 speed im converting to a fixxie - $1 (clintonville)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2009-01-25, 9:31AM EST

these parts came with a schwinn world sport that im using for a fixxie. i dont need the chain, deraleurs (shimano but im not sure what series),shifters, shifter cables, brakes( previous owner took them apart), one brake lever (i beat the other one off with a hammer), some loose berrings and a skewer or two.
i would like to get $1.99 out of the whole bag of junk...err..parts but i'm open to offers. i'm open to trades.. maybe a set of pedals, a couple boxes of mac and cheese,etc. really want these items and cant afford them? feel free to dig them out of my trash in the morning cause thats where they'll be if they dont sell today

I was particularly impressed by the fact that he "beat the other [brake lever] off with a hammer." That's a subtle technique. Coincidentally, "beating off with a hammer" is what it feels like to run/rock/rub a low-end hub. Yet another reason to step up to XTR.

136 comments:

ant1 said...

ant1st!

big loser said...

my bikes' gone.

crispy said...

first?

ant1 said...

It's gonna be a good week.

Anonymous said...

my fucking chain broke in the final run in...

crispy said...

damn, but I'll take a podium :-)

innerlighter said...

caught napping

WheelDancer said...

I need to get a job...

big loser said...

I think it ran away with the neighbor's dog.

Rapevan said...

Top 10 is good enough for me

Aleks said...

Bummer

al-kaboom said...

kaboom

Surly Bastard said...

Ant1st again? Whoa ... nice going.

Bill said...

those sorts of people people? try one less people, snob

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Anonymous said...

top 20

BikeSnobNYC said...

Bill,

What do you expect from someone who didn't go to Sarah Lawrence?

--RTMS

Mark said...

My balls feel better already. Thanks Bike Snob!!

Anonymous said...

hey, you gotta a problem with da giants or somethin'?

brettok said...

I'm rubbing my XTR balls as we speak...

Simon said...

I wonder what Chris King does with his balls?

Nefertiti's son-in-law said...

Those bar end weapons assholes are from The University of the Arts in Philly. You know who else is from there? Camille Paglia, that's who. They probably invented the thing to mess up her car after she flunked them in "Sexual Cyclismo" class. Hope she runs over their bikes, she's cool.

Anonymous said...

SNOB!!! I LOVED LOVED LOVED THE SARAH LAWRENCE REFERENCE!!

Bill said...

hehe, just trying to help. one less jetta? one less caribener? i think it really is true that we all have dated an annoying SL alum.

great post, as always

Anonymous said...

as a sarah lawrence student i would like to take offense but i am unable to, due to the fact that you are dead on.

santacruzn1 said...

Good job! ant1, two in a row, you must be under some illegal substances.

Anonymous said...

Prolly's cool kid crap kinda rocks me the wrong way. But to each their own, live and let live, mehtever.

Anonymous said...

There are any number of people in Columbus with "loose berrings."

Zach Bossington said...

"i beat the other one off with a hammer"

that's what she said.

Anonymous said...

Note how the clown running the wheel chair front rim also tried to setup port/starboard colored grips and got them backwards.

Commiecanuk said...

Those key bar plugs are brilliant. However, their intended purpose is not to place us all in the chariot races in Ben Hur.

They are simply an excellent place to carry your keys. The idea is is replace the bought key with a real key. Never again will you be left locked out holding a fixie in your hands like the proverbial flaccid phallus. They are also excellent for avoiding the embarrassment for losing your bike lock key, letting you bike sit for urban piranhas to eventually just leave a clean glistening frame.

This idea is hot on the heels of my patent-pending key/brake lever. 2.7 Fz.

Sweet sassy molassy.

Lorna doone said...

What a painfully annoying website: kabuki Shimano;
Aye-yi-yi!
I'm going out for a ride on my IG8 Globe just to clear out the dick-dick-dick images.
Trust me, I'll be cupping my own balls, thank you.

Anonymous said...

someone needs to give those jackass, turd brained, scrotum sucking, anal deviant...no brake fixed gear riding inventors of the key bar end a beatdown

Anonymous said...

you sure you didn't go to slc?

innerlighter said...

I believe Leo, infamous leader of the "Scorpions" (not the band) beat them to the key idea.

http://johnmuir.ucdavis.edu/images/photos/grease.jpg



my goodness me!

Serviceburo said...

I liked the legend about the guy in NYC who used to glue low grit sandpaper to the back of his gloves and use that to scuff the paint on cars who buzzed him. Looks a lot less stupid than the time I tried to bash a guy's windshield with my lock and it just bounced off.

MajorMantra said...

Those idiots aren't the first to think car-scratching bar-ends are a good idea:

http://www.cycles-for-heroes.com/2008/pdf/Specials.pdf

Matthew

Cranky Fashion Weenie said...

BSNYC,

It looks like dude sanded down only the braking surface to prep the wheel for the "professional" paint. I'm not seeing the tubular mod description...

Bristol Traffic said...

Those bar ends are stupid, because if a passing car hits the front of the wheel, it will be the bar end that will be embedded in your thigh.

also, it's pretty hard to pretend that you've just accidentally scraped the car that is now trying to run you over.

We in the UK prefer winging a car; taking down its wing mirror, either temporarily or permanently. You need to know your cars to do this -german made cars can hurt your forearm when you clip them, you need to pull your arm back. But once executed, the mirror is toast. French and italian cars have mirrors that take a light tap, but they pop back on easily instead. Whatever the car, the nice thing here is you can pretend that it is the drivers, fault, that they have hit you by driving too close, too fast, rather than just annoying you. But you still need a good getaway route.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Cranky Fashion Weenie,

He says "non clincher" in the description, as well as "originally a clincher, but I sanded it down." Maybe "clincher" means something else in CL, speak, like "mint" does.

--BSNYC

Mongo Pusher said...

Tosatto !

Anonymous said...

I think the wheelchair guy actually got the "port/starboard" thing right.

He rock/runs/rubs the front wheel in a permanent half-spin to make it feel more like track geometry.

Lucky 7 said...

Kabuki Beauty?

I don't think so...


A

Cradle my Balls said...

for some reason this post reminded me of the first bike i bought with my own money.
the first bike i had was a schwinn stingray, a hand me down from my brother. which i was mildly embarassed of. but an older kid in the hood sold me his mongoose, i think i paid 30 bucks for it in 1983. it was a nice set up, with the double goose neck, snap button pleather pads with mongoose logo, kashimax aero seat with fluted post, and the extra heavy cast iron waffle mags. but the front fork was busted, so i frankensteined the bladed front fork of my schwinn into the frames headset.it worked ok but i guess it was was way "ghetto" as the hipsters now would say.
i wonder what i could get on craigslist for it now...

Anonymous said...

Sheldon Brown was ahead of his time. Circa 1996.

http://www.sheldonbrown.com/lirpa.html#bayonetz

kale said...

I hear the Shimano Nexus can cradle the balls and work the shaft...


Sweet sassy meh-lassy

joe said...

hopefully this guy gets his $ for the Aerospoke, so he can afford to rock a tire worth more that other guy's bag of parts.

hugs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hugs said...

i agree with Cranky Fashion Weenie, i fear that our CL poster assumed having a machined side wall is what makes the rim a clincher. to his credit, it is where the brakes clinch the rim.

Doug said...

I think someone should post a CL ad for a rim that you have removed all but 3 of the spokes to make it lighter. Sounds about as dangerous as sanding down the walls of a trispoke......maybe if you're good at trix you can just rock/rub a wheelie the whole time and never worry about your useless wheel.

Anonymous said...

"You might as well put the balls in a vice."

That sounds kinky. "Vise"?

Cranky Fashion Weenie said...

BSNYC,

I'm captivated by this modification. Is it possible to sand the bead lip flush to the rim wall? A grinder would be the best tool. He didn't describe this step as professionally done (although it was painted professionally), and I imagine that the whatever-grinder also removed much needed material from the double wall and in the valley of the rim further weakening the wheel.

I would love to see the instructional video.

Anonymous said...

In CL speak "clincher" must mean something to do with brakes. Maybe, it's the way a rim brake would "clinch" the rim. Likely taken from "clinch yer" as in "clinch yer butt cheeks" The way a brakeless rider would react when needed to make a sudden stop.

Commiecanuk said...

Bristol..this is also a Canadian trick. I did this to a cab once, arguing, "...I did you a favor, as you obviously weren't using it."

Picco said...

Maybe it started with something like this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G5_tN94Svk

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

when I should have my phone off on a plane, am reminded why this is some of the best fun. looking out for geese

Daddo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

Oh dear. It looks like many of us missed the point of the bar end plug keys.

They're required accessories for the latest fixed gear craze.

Bike polo is so yesterday.

The hip kids are rocking bar end plug keys on their bull horns and T-boning parked SUVs to insert the keys in the door locks.

It's an updated version of the Treasure Chest Competition from Metromedia's Wonderama, featuring Sonny Fox.

If the key fits the SUV, you get to drive it home.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonny_Fox

I would have played SUV Treasure Chest this morning with the Blue BMW that U-turned in front of me between the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridge entrances, but:

1. I don't have bull horns,
2. I don't have bar end plug keys,
3. It was too cold,
4. I always misplace my keys, and
5. I attended Bennington, not Sarah Lawrence (don't judge, it had just gone co-ed and my tenure overlapped with Camille Paglia's ... that must count for something).

But other than that, I am so totally down with SUV Treasure Chest.

Daddo said...

It is either "from" or "whence" but never "from whence" as that is akin to saying "from from"

JPB said...

Had a large, A-merkin van swerve into the bike lane right in front of me; I think he was too startled to react when i folded his mirror back with my shoulder. I didn't get mad and do anything rude though, I don't want to piss of any motorists.

Anon 2:38 - I think when you need to stop suddenly, the appropriate action is to pucker, not clinch. Clinching is what you do if the pucker fails.

Surly Bastard said...

Let's hope that the original owner/rocker/runner/rubber of the "mint/non-clincher" doubled the BSNYC formula for tubular glue as the OD of the rim probably ain't quite right (among other things on that wheel) anymore and will rely solely on the chemical bound of the adhesive to keep tire and rim together (at least until that first turn when I'm guessing the whole thing calls it quits).

I know I have used the BSNYC tubular glue formula all cross season and never rolled a single tub (of course my wheels weren't "mint/non-clinchers"). Not to mention Snob's Tub Glue also makes a nice apres race party dip. I've been waiting for the formula to come to market - i can see the Seal label sneering back at me now ... maybe a Snob/Mastik collabo for non-clinchers?

Friedrich Nietzsche said...

The world, as we all know, is filled with idiots. This is particularly apparent if you travel by bicycle. The bicycle allows you to cover great distances, thus exposing you to a wide cross-section of idiocy. Also, because you are exposed and at street level, there is no barrier protecting you from that idiocy.

My son, I would be proud of you if I were still alive.

Elaine said...

"colourway" is borrowing a term from the knitters... it's the set of colours in a (usually hand-dyed) skein of yarn.

H said...

Sanding a clincher rim to make it a tubular, is no less idiotic or dangerous than building a wheel using plastic drinking straws as spokes, i.e. the R-SYS.

dmitri fofonov said...

Am thinking that maybe all Americans are wooskies. For people who generate problems, I use vodka stored in one of my water bottles. After drinking some for me I spray offender and toss match at them.

In bitter Siberian winter (I am now at Novobilsk on my tour to arouse conscientiousness of nutritional substances for performance enhancers and hardening of erections) the warmth of a motorist in flames induces a feeling of modest pleasure.

IRIDEOVERPRICEDBIKES said...

more worrisome than the possiblity of the key bar end stabbing you in the thigh is the likelyhood of killing you when the bars turn during an accident and the key catches you between the ribs.
I had a mountain bike do this once when I went over a rock too slowlyand endoed. I nearly broke a rib. With those I would have at least had a punctured lung to boot.
I am continually amazed by the level of stupidity you report on.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:33pm,

Damn cut-rate education!

Daddo,

According to thefreedictionary.com (if you trust things that are free):

...from whence has been used steadily by reputable writers since the 14th century, most notably in the King James Bible: "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help" Psalms. Such a respectable precedent makes it difficult to label the construction as incorrect.

I never go against the Bible.

--BSNYC

Bristol Traffic said...

@IRIDEOVERPRICEDBIKES - that must have hurt. I know someone in a crash without bar ends and did the bar in his leg -thought that was bad enough. A key in your lung would be a disaster.

Surly Bastard said...

Now I feel like an idiot. It suddenly dawned on me that the other idiot (the idiot that made the non-clincher) not only doesn't know what he's doing, he doesn't know what he's talking about in terms of rims.All he did was sand the braking surface down so there was no distinction between the rim and surface. Strangely (ironically?) that means he machined an already machined sidewall (MSW), to try and turn it back into a non-machined sidewall (NMSW) but "at the end of the day" it was just a double-machined sidewall (DMSW).

My guess this is guy is the Rock Racing Team mechanic.

Anonymous said...

Surly Bastard- Right, he just sanded and painted over the brake surface to match the rest of the wheel.

In CL speak

Clincher = wheel with braking surface

Non-clincher = wheel without braking surface.

Anonymous said...

The A-spoke ain't a non-track now! Hit me up.

RUBN DMSW

Creaky From-From Weenie said...

I'm still cradling the image of the grinder working down the inner sidewall. But there's no need to wish that onto the innocent rocker who ends up with this sick (sick in the pre-irony sense) wheel.

Can one be innocent rockin' an Aerospoke?

Gary said...

A friend of mine recently took a spill---in which his handlebar swung around and impaled him in the sternum when he landed.

I'd hate to see that happen with keys sticking out of the bar ends...

HomoCyclist said...

Gary,

You had me at "cradle my balls."

Commiecanuk and Sideshow Al Gore said...

There is mysterious force that attracts morons to Dremel tools and to bikes. Some think it's orders of magnitude in excess of the universe's dark force. If we can harness this energy, we can end global warming.

BikeSnobAustin IV said...

HomoCyclist,


wanna meet for showers at Mellow Johnnies...

Camille P. said...

I flunked those two nerds because they showed up for class with those dopey VAGX bags. Somethings you just can't do here in Philly and act like a sissy is one of them.

john said...

yes yes o yes it's
slc the school everyone loves
to love.

instead of a jetta, tho
we split the loans
my family and me.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 2:17...thanks for reminding us of the genius of sheldon brown...one can't even use the old saw "he forgot more about bikes than most of us ever knew" simply because i don't think he ever forgot anything about bikes...
...an encyclopedic mind w/ an amazing sense of humor as witness the well conceived list of other phony products along w/ those 'bar-ends'...

...& over the holidays, i helped a sarah lawrence grad arrange to get a nice felt (w/ gears) & i'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere but i'm not gonna touch it...

mattchew said...

speaking from much mtb experience, in practice, given the choice, it's preferable to rub an xtr setup on your rear rather than front. since the rear sees more dirt and general chain induced foulness, the extra tight seals of xtr really help to keep the lube clean, which can only enhance the cradling of balls and the smoothness of the ride.

Bluenoser said...

Snob,

A comment on the wheelchair bike. You have to excuse my old and worn eyes but the different colour(cdn)grips. They sort of look green and red if not lime green and pink(fusha?)

Coming from a shipping community this would be the equivalent of port and starboard running lights.

In which case the red should be on the left side of the handlebars.

You know just in case the all predictions should come true and the coast guard starts patroling the streets of Manhattan.

All you hipsters start getting your Popeye anchor tats in place.

-B

bikesgonewild said...

...& i agree it's "from whence"...

...from from is probably some overly cute pseudo-sexual japanese anime chick...

Jim said...

If I wanted to get somebody's car keyed in any major east coast city I'd slap a McCain/Palin bumper sticker on the car and pedal away. No muss, no fuss, no felony charges. For me anyhow.

red neckerson said...

to many damm foriners on the comments and they need to stay away if they cants spell good

Bluenoser said...

bikes,

not going to touch it.

Too good.

Jim,
post something soon hey??

-B

Fox News Network said...

It's a pity liberals are so petty and destructive.

bikesgonewild said...

...bluenoser...

...old, old friends & her dad would only sneer at me...but i'm afraid of what her mom would do to me if i said any more...

Bluenoser said...

Hey red,

We are conversing about left and right red and green.

Usually up here here in the North of the Boston States if we can't tell left from right we look at our thumbs.

But if I suppose your Mommy and Daddy were brother and sister you may have thumbs sticking out of both sides of your hands.

So I can see it would be confusing.

-B

Bluenoser said...

Oh red, only one here in that sentence or should I say heure??

-B

Anonymous said...

Elaine!

girl of my dreams

Bluenoser said...

And on top of that, pepper spray is only useful as you spray it in your own eyes so you can't watch some blinded fool shoot you and a couple of your friends as he unloads his 9mm.

-B

I know I've said a lot but it winter up here and I can't get the frozen door to the cabin opened.

Cognorant said...

BSNYC,

Man! Nail on the head with your world is full of idiots sentiment. It's good that you have a blog to let it all out and hopefully feel better. I could write a whole posting every single day, forever, categorizing all the different idiots including the one yesterday who smashed a cyclist into a snowbank with his car as he tried to pull up to tell me I was an idiot. (I was doing nothing wrong of course)

It is an unstoppable tide of idiots, or idiotide, of which I fear I may be a part. Crap!

Samuel Critwick said...

agreed. there is a surfeit of idiots out there. i don't know which variety, but i have a special place in my heart for those idiots who drive like fucktards and as i look up to see what type of car nearly ended me, i see a usa cycling sticker affixed to the bumper. can you please coin a term for the chaps?
yours &c.,

sc

Anonymous said...

IRIDEOVERPRICEDBIKES-

So if I put a price tag on my bike, you will ride over it?

Johnny Sprocket said...

Anon at 1.51pm... from the pics, I'd say that bike is a geared one, not a "jackass, turd brained, scrotum sucking, anal deviant...no brake fixed gear".

I recently zip tied a chainsaw to mine. It works a treat, especially on the shared pathways.

Anonymous said...

The key ends aren't for scratching cars. They are brakes for the brakeless.

Anonymous said...

Excellent post.

"It's literally like brand new" for that custom ground aerospoke.

Yeah. "Literally" would be right next door to fantasy. As ever.

Anonymous said...

Nobody's mentioned the fact that pretty much every (I can't think of any that aren't at the moment) loose-ball hub ever made has angular contact bearings. They may as well sell them on the fact that they're annular - that's even more universal.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, Snob, Snob..."I never go against the Bible?" We've been over this before. Tattoos are the mark of Molech, and thus are forbidden to the righteous such as yourself. All of the tattoo hate of late has apparently been from the more observant among your readers, still upset over the car vs. bike video where your tat was briefly (and presumably inadvertently) revealed. Now say 10 Hail Marys and buy a big tub of that coverall makeup I keep seeing advertised on late-night TV.

AnnaZed said...

Not so Daddo, our snob is in good company; or so this site http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-fro2.htm would have it:

”….And even a brief look at historical sources shows that from whence has been common since the thirteenth century. It has been used by Shakespeare, Defoe (in the opening of Robinson Crusoe: “He got a good estate by merchandise, and leaving off his trade, lived afterwards at York; from whence he had married my mother”), Smollett, Dickens (in A Christmas Carol: “He began to think that the source and secret of this ghostly light might be in the adjoining room, from whence, on further tracing it, it seemed to shine”), Dryden, Gibbon, Twain (in Innocents Abroad: “He traveled all around, till at last he came to the place from whence he started”), and Trollope, and it appears 27 times in the King James Bible (including Psalm 121: “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help”).”

As for this whole triangulation of attraction between morons, Dremel Tools and innocent, helpless bike frames, parts or accessories; it is my view that inebriation of some kind must be involved. Surely no one is that stupid while sober … surely (?)

Just sayin’….

Lucky 7 said...

Surf the idiotide!


A

Commiecanuk said...

AnnaZed,

I once converted a classic crankset to a 110bcd compact crankset armed only with a Dremel sanding disc, a construction tape measure, a carpenter's level and half a Molson suitcase.
Stop calling me Shirley.

owen said...

I'm personally offended that you referred to traffic cops as "professional traffic directors"; in fact I'd go so far as to call you an "asshole" for giving them that kind of credit.

I'd go head to head with the amateur any day. First and foremost because the odds of a Giants fan packing a taser are significantly lower. Aside from that, Giants fans may chase you down, but probably have even lower physical stamina than New York's "Finest" and certainly have less ability to write you a ticket if they can catch you.

Next I take the catagory you overlooked: the Semi-Pros. New York Fire Fighters stop traffic every time a truck goes in or out, but A) they don't care about the rules, B) they don't care if you care, C) they don't care if you ride on the sidewalk, D) they TELL you to ride on the sidewalk, and E) on the off chance you did find one that cared, he'd be on his way to somewhere more important and therefore unable to do anything.

My experience with your so-revered "professionals" is that they stand in the middle of an intersection holding up a hand to stop cars, but looking at the on-coming cars instead of the ones they are supposed to be stopping. Meanwhile the light has changed, they don't notice, continue misdirecting traffic while 4 other "professionals" stand around making sure none of the others do anything. Then when a cyclist follows the traffic signals (rare but it can happen) and gets a near grill-to-grill make-over, they are all looking the other way.

I'm sure you didn't mean that you like their traffic directing (I hope), but you made it sound like they were the lesser of the traffic directing evils.

Andy Pandy said...

I fashioned my Super Dooper Record brake levers into bottle openers and pate knife combination. Bloody things broke on the first bottle. Bloody cheap nasty carbon imports.

CC: A KFz would be a thousand fonzies of cool. A MFz would be a mega or a million Fz and a uFz is a micro or a millionth of a Fonzie ( equivalent to a MMzzzzz which is the international unit of measurement of boredom induced sleep ). Just statin as I am a few days behind due to reading all the LA drivel

leroy said...

Actually, a small dremel tool can be useful for trimming nose and ear hair.

Ask any idiot.

leroy said...

owen --

You really should ride over the Pulaski Bridge between Brooklyn and Queens some summer morning.

You can see traffic cop class.

Thirty soon to be traffic cops taking turns directing traffic coming off the Bridge on the Queens side.

I may be dumb, but I ain't crazy. At least not crazy enough to stand in that traffic waving my arms.

Shram said...

bluenoser 5:04:

I don't get that last part. does it mean you have to poop?

Anonymous said...

the key thing's a joke you idiots. i know some of you got it, but a great many of you didn't. when you don't get a joke, god kills a recumbant rider..

BikeSnobAustin IV said...

Anon 10:34,

So where on my recumby are you saying that I should install the car-keying-bar-ends?

Guantanamo Bike Team said...

It's a dumb joke.

Irideafreespirit said...

This blog is fresh air in my lungs.

ClifSquirt said...

Yep, I guess Clif was really looking out for our safety.

Been sick since Dec 20th...

Anonymous said...

bsnyc,

wow, you revealed a bit more of your personal issues with the SLC reference. did you go to Oswego State or something?

and to think i always had you pegged as a seven sister grad...

Anonymous said...

at my shop we refer to hammers as schwinn tools

ronan said...

That XTR image says its a front hub. Good news then - balls up front, ring behind.

streepo said...

Commie,
I used the same exact tools (except I used a full Molson suitcase) to change my bootom bracket into a quick change. It only takes me about 2 minutes to change cranks.

ant1 said...

Where is everyone today?

red rabbit said...

Thanks, you make happy. I quoted you in my blog, hope this is OK.

owen said...

That used to be my commute, but I never noticed the soon-to-be pro traffic wranglers. What do the other 29 do, take turns practicing texting and resting their hands on the most dangerous non-lethal weapon they get to carry?

Correspondent said...

Hi, Bike Snob-
I'm delighted you like my photo. Thanks for the link to our blog. Please also give me photo credit. We also love it when people ask before using our photos.

Happy cycling and blogging.
Lilia

Anonymous said...

Shimano hubs come too tight from the factory and filled with inferior grease. If you remove the green jello they call "lubricant" and replace it with Phil's grease and adjust them so that they're loose to the feel they will compress when you actually put them in the frame and you won't crush the balls. Also, you want the balls to wear out, not the cups and cones, so don't use Campy balls in hubs that aren't campy.

Anonymous said...

Bamboo? That stuff breaks!

Sincerely,
Carbon Fiber, Aluminum and Titanium

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Jimfavreur said...

"its a 700C that was originally a clincher, but i sanded it down" Hope he got his sanding abrasives from my favorite shop. You can't compromise quality when tackling these types of projects. Always make sure to get the best quality sanding abrasives that you can possibly afford.

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