Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Sightings: Ice, Missed Connections, and UFO-Seeking Freak Bikes

As I've mentioned in the past, New Yorkers may be hardy in some respects, but when it comes to the weather all it takes is the slightest bit of cold or precipitation to bring the city to a halt. Simply put, we're "weather woosies." Train operators shrug their shoulders, the platforms swell with the ranks of the stranded, and cyclists hurl their bicycles from the nearest balcony in despair. So if you were foolish enough to ride over the Manhattan Bridge last night after the rain, it came as no surprise to you that it was frozen solid and nothing had been done about it.

If only I had the time, I would start my own "BSNYC Bridge Report," with real-time updates on the conditions of the various bridges during the morning and evening rushes. I would also employ a small staff of salt and sand spreaders to do what the city cannot. (Maybe Perscattante can supply them with bikes from their "Courier Series" for additional street cred.) However, until someone is willing to financially back such a venture, it will reside in my "queue of dreams," right between winning a Spring Classic while wearing a chicken suit and having all revolving doors banned from the city. (I'm deathly afraid of revolving doors.) And at the very least, if the city is not going to do anything to get rid of the ice, they could at least make it look better. Notice the unsightly tire tracks in the photo above. I know we're in the midst of a budget crisis, but surely they can find a few bucks to pay someone to drive a Zamboni back and forth across the span. Then we could all carry ice skates in our bags and just skate across with our bikes in tow.

Yes, if you didn't have studded tires or skates last night you were most likely walking across the bridge. But the good part was that it provided an opportunity to meet your fellow cyclists; or, if you're socially awkward, to ignore them and later post a Craigslist "Missed Connection" about them. Sadly, I didn't see any icy bridge-related ones this morning, but I did see this:





help me find a new bike? - m4w - 24 (w.burg, les, wherevs.)
Reply to: pers-983179108@craigslist.org [?]

Date: 2009-01-06, 9:42PM EST



so, yeah, my bike was stolen yesterday, my girlfriend dumped me last month, and im bored as shit. the whip was a '74 orange peugeot fixie and--heartbroken though i may be--im heading out this weekend to try and a New Better Half in the same vein... want to come along?



drinks are on me as soon as ive got wheels; hell, we can bring tall boys for the road if the weather's nice (whiskey, if not)... im thinking this might be a solid opportunity to find a sweet girl who's into things like bikes, me, being awesome, and so forth..



fyi: swm, ggg, 5'10", 135, red hair, clean, born to die. hit me up.


As the owner of an Ironic Orange Julius Bike, I'm always sad when someone's orange "whip" is stolen. (Even though the IOJB is not orange.) I also like how he starts his post with "So, yeah," as if we've all been waiting around to hear from him and he's finally deigned to speak. I suppose in his mind he's constantly being interviewed on a talk show, and whenever he opens his mouth he pretends the commercial's finally ended and the host has just said, "And we're back with the orange fixie douche!" I hope the ladies are paying attention, because this guy's a rare find. He's both clean and born to die. He's also "ggg," which everybody knows stands for Germanische Glaubens-Gemeinschaft. So, yeah, if you're looking for a bikeless Germanic Neopagan who's both clean and born to die hit him up(side the head).

"Missed Connections" is basically like a dark room full of idiots feeling around for each-other, and little does the Germanic Neopagan know that his ideal woman is actually in there with him:






do you dream like this too..? - w4m - 27 (cobble hill)
Reply to: pers-983153840@craigslist.org [?]

Date: 2009-01-06, 9:19PM EST



I am a pretty sweet lady still looking for that inspiring and magical man to hang out with Must love to travel and have good taste in music and books and love to adventure via bike boat plane train.. Let's geek out together, 2009 is the year!



no photo no reply


This is an amazing post. Thanks to the photos, we actually get to see a hipster's dream. This is something that even the most expensive sleep studies have not been able to reveal. In the first picture, we can see she's dreaming about having sex with Paul Rudd. Moving clockwise, she is transported to a Proustian slideshow of remembrances from her Midwestern childhood. This gives way to clouds, and then finally to smoking pensively in bed after Paul Rudd has had his way with her. Germanic Neopagan should definitely get on the "bike boat plane train" with this one.

The only thing harder than finding that special someone is finding that special bike. And when it comes to bikes, they don't come much more special than this one:

This compelling photo series was forwarded to me by the same reader who alerted me to the demi-Pista being sold in Washington, DC. (Actually, I think two people alerted me to that, but I think he was the first.) Obviously, the most remarkable thing about this bike is the frame pump, which looks suspiciously like a floor pump that had been repurposed for frame use by means of a bungee cord. But the innovation doesn't stop there. Another bungee secures the front light:


This rider has no time for diminutive Frogs and Guppies. I wonder if there's also a foot dimmer bungeed on there somewhere. Evidently, this bicycle is used primarily for scanning the heavens, since the owner casts his beam skyward. Truth be told, no stable is complete without a "heaven-scanning bike." As a fellow lighting enthusiast, I will say that the "hipster cyst" I mounted on my front hub blinded me once every revolution, so I'd be very interested in knowing how this rider copes with a considerably larger light shining directly into his eyes at his all times. Maybe he just never looks down.

For the rear light, the owner has broken with the bungee theme and instead gone with duct tape. He's also gone with a white light instead of a red one:


Just like some cyclocrossers choose a right-front brake setup, many heaven-scanners use a white-rear setup. This is because, when you're scanning the heavens, you're generally looking for things like UFOs, black helicopters, and weather-control satellites, and as such you're probably also on the verge of uncovering a massive conspiracy. Consequently, you're most likely being pursued by secret government agents. And while these secret government agents are shrewd enough to hide things like aliens from the general public, they're not so shrewd that they can't be easily duped by a white rear light on a giant, cushy saddle that makes it look like you're heading towards them while in reality you're riding away from them to safety.

Speaking of unorthodox setups, check this out:



The u-bolts and section of wire hanger provide far more rigidity than a traditional cable-actuated setup. In fact, it's so rigid that it doesn't work. However, this is actually a safety mechanism. All experienced riders know most of your stopping power is in the front brake, so this setup trains you not to rely too heavily (or, in fact, at all) on the rear.

And while the rear brake doesn't work, the owner still knows what's going on behind him, thanks to a rear-view mirror:


Notice it's mounted beneath the bar to prevent accidental refraction of the UFO search beam and additional rider blindness.

Lastly, the only thing this rider takes more seriously than heaven-scanning is tire pressure. In addition to the frame-mounted floor pump, he's also got a tire gauge:

Yes, there will be no "pump-pump-squeeze, pump-pump-squeeze" tire inflation for him. He needs to know exactly how much air is in his tires at all times, and he's leaving nothing to chance. After all, this is a research vessel, and many a UFO sighting has been undone by inadequate tire pressure. At first I wondered why he does not simply upgrade to a frame-mounted floor pump with an integrated gauge, but then I realized that this would make it impossible for him to compulsively check his tire pressure without removing the whole cumbersome assembly. It is, in a completely roundabout way, a practical solution.

But while I may seem to be making fun of this bike, the truth is that it makes me happy. Like the World's Greatest Trek, it is the work of a person who is unconcerned with rules and convention and needs a bike suited to his own unique purposes only. See, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, and what might be right for you may not be right for some. In a world full of roadies, and trackies, and mountain bikers, and clothing labels, and tire labels carefully aligned with valve stems, and bib shorts worn under jerseys instead of over them, these two freak bikes stand out as beacons of freedom. These are the "lone wolves" of the cycling world. So next time you see some guy riding around on a hybrid with dual disc wheels, wearing half shorts, a football helmet, and no shirt while listening to a Sony Sports Discman that he's Velcroed to his bicep, don't laugh at him--salute him. But keep a safe distance, because he's probably crazy.

114 comments:

Pulverized Concepts said...

no work yet

Matthew said...

Podium!!!

Anonymous said...

first - now i have to actually read it

Anonymous said...

damn typijng skills

Anonymous said...

top 5

BKF

tristan said...

in there!!!

innerlight said...

Money!

innerlight said...

I'm still winded from yesterday's effort.

Simon said...

yet again.. yeeeooow

John said...

top ten?

Anonymous said...

Just missed top 10.

Anonymous said...

WOOT! WOOT!

GenghisKhan said...

Fatty-er, BSNYC--thanks for another few minutes of entertainment!
---
www.singlespeedrevolution.com
Ride One or Ride None!

Anonymous said...

I like to say Fofonov. Fofonovian is even more fun.

Anonymous said...

top 15?

twice this week

Pulverized Concepts said...

The "missed connections" thing is great. Just describe a cutie at a general location at an indefinite time and take your pick of a passle of emails. This technology is fun stuff.

Luck E. said...

Dan Savage summarized: "GGG stands for 'good, giving, and game,' which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think 'good in bed,' 'giving equal time and equal pleasure,' and 'game for anything—within reason.'" Wiki


Any room on that Giant for a kitchen sink?


A

Chris Burke said...

Hey!

That's my bike! I ride it more than Mr. Orangebike rides his chubby Modest Mouse-loving imaginary girlfriend.

Anonymous said...

Proustian...nice. Next you'll be going on about Faustian, Miesien, and Wagnerian. This is a bike blog buster.

The Pogonologist said...

"He's also "ggg," which everybody knows stands for Germanische Glaubens-Gemeinschaft."

Awesome.

Anonymous said...

And here I thought ggg was Gegengheist Gruppe.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

mark snow said...

A-E-D-E-G_E...

Ahab said...

I hear you on the revolving doors. I lost my brother to the one on the Millennium Hotel on 44th last winter. As far as I know he's still trapped in its whirling vortex.

Anonymous said...

I agree,crazy people usually listen to walk or disc mans.

Nick said...

Top 20... what does this "podium" and "top x" business mean?

Ka_Jun said...

Wow...that K2, just...wow.

Nick said...

... and "ant1st"? I never could find the origins in the BSNYC comments.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, Germanische Glaubens-Gemeinschaft? Really? Sometimes I am frightened by what resides in the hidden recesses of that mind of yours.

Mark said...

Snobby, maybe you are on to something with this guy's sexual preferences! Check out the third definition at the Urban Dictionary for GGG:

German Goo Girls

Messy german porn with lots of man goo

Gnarles Darwin said...

I was on that bridge last night. It was fun like ice skating!

Should be workin' said...

Amusing, clever prose, Snob. Don't peak too early; the year is just beginning.

Chad said...

I think the rear brake actually works. The frayed ends of a cable are visible, so I think the rider very cleverly solved the universal problem of a too short brake cable.

The coat hanger perhaps serves as a breakaway device in case too much force is applied.

Anonymous said...

What time did the ice arrive? I rode over at 6:30 and didn't see any.

kale said...

Nick-

The podium earns you points that are redeemable for Arizona Iced Tea, Grapeade, or Fruit Punch.

Mongo Pusher said...

Did you notice the pie-plate to chainring size ratio?

Anonymous said...

I went across at 7.30pm, and there wasn't ice then...

kale said...

Snob-

When's the final result for the contest going to be released? The street urchin's bike is great and all, but how many entries did you get in order for what must be your extensive vetting process to proceed?

And, what's with the alarmingly biased ratio of orange bikes getting stolen? or at least being owned by people that use craigslist to whine about it.

Anonymous said...

Silly, everyone knows GGG = the Gunnar Graps Group.

Anonymous said...

The light's not for the heavens.

Gnarles Darwin said...

I went over at Midnight. You're right Snobby, lots of getting to know your fellow biker going on there. Don't worry I didn't get a good look at you through the chicken suit, I thought you would be taller though.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Kale,

Final results will be announced exactly soonish. There was a flurry of late entries. Also, I'm as slow off the bike as I am on it.

--BSNYC

grog said...

Worse than revolving doors is your basic crotch-crushing train station turnstyle.

Skybikes use helium in the tires which must be carefully pressure-checked and specially pumped, otherwise you don't get normal aerodynamic flight. White rear lights are necessary for reverse flight.

Critical Ass said...

If I placed a personal ad every time I went out and looked for a new "whip", then I probably wouldn't stay "clean" for very long.

This boy needs to eat something. 135 lbs is not giving his tattoo artist much to work with.

Anonymous said...

TOP 50 Again!!!

WheelDancer said...

So do we have photographic evidence of snobby in the rear view mirror? Knickered legs would seem to be a fitting part of the chicken suit...

Old Style said...

It looks like these pictures were taken at the bike rack in dc. A LBS.

I am trying to think of the circumstances that would result in this bike. Either you were punked by the LBS staff or this bike was brought in for some work and the staff had to share with the world via this blog.

kale said...

Gnarles-

Were you the referring to the guy that was "singing" this song and doing a little softshoe down the brooklyn side in a chicken suit?

SkidMarkPDX said...

He could have run the coathanger thru the pinch bolt. Are cables that expensive in NYC?

Shram said...

So, is she a pretty AND sweet lady, who forgot a comma, or just "pretty sweet"--but not all that sweet?

Anonymous said...

Pulverized Concepts:

I wonder why, spending your time refreshing your browser so you can come in first like that?... No seriously, someone give this poor s-o-b a j-o-b!!

Commiecanuk said...

UFOs? No..no...that light setup is all part of intimidation to keep alive on the roads, the under-lighting leads to that camp-fire spooky look that terrified us all in our youth (that, and that creepy camp councilor that follows us out into the bushes).

You see that face underlit in your mirror, and the primal fear triggered makes sure you don't drive anywhere near that bike. Practical psychology in use.

Snobbie...you hit the big time in a story in Velonews on Moots and your quoted comments on the $8000 Comooter..dumb name..dumb price.

leroy said...

BSNYC -- Gggggolly, so that's what GGG stands for.

And here I thought it was the start of all purpose brush off uttered by frozen fixters fending off advances from faux stranded tire changers on the Williamsburg Bridge: "Gggggoogle me."

Kale -- no, that was me.

I decided to leave early and miss most of the ice. Also, I didn't want to risk crashing in my white suit. (Yes, I know it's after Labor Day, but rules were meant to be broken.)

Anonymous said...

Hipster art during jury duty.
http://www.boingboing.net/2009/01/07/juror-art.html

Dadryan said...

Expert analysis Old Style.
Who the fuck are you?:-)
I'd have to admit that i've seen the most incredible of cycling innovations on the streets of DC.
Today in fact is one of those hellish courier days, that I'm happy to have retired from.
The rear facing head light could actually work in your favor as drivers who actually noticed you would think you're riding the wrong way on the wrong side of the road and may give you a little wider berth...
Floor pump as frame pump may not be that common, but I've seen some particularly bammafied messenger's rolling with those hanging out of their bag... Not naming any names of course nor do I condemn paying exacting attention to ones tire pressure. Someone tell the guy he can get a a floor pump with a gauge though... Then again maybe it's just not as accurate as his trusty inboard guage.

Don't worry though bike snob, they don't salt the bike path parts of the bridges in most of DC either. What's a matter, you guys can't ride in the road across the bridge?;-)

Anonymous said...

Oh, that's Dave Zabriskie's bike. His twitter page helps:
http://twitter.com/dzabriskie

frilly said...

What a goof that CL guy. I got my new whip over the weekend & I went all by myself.

kale said...

frilly-

I hope you got a Scattante.

frilly said...

Kale--

My name is Frilly Underpants and I am Specialized.

*chortle*

Sorry, I couldn't resist!

leroy said...

Frilly --

Roubaix?

Kellsey said...

Can't wait to see fleets of these everywhere ice is getting the better of us!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/63551554@N00/3178076220/

Anonymous said...

New Media Douchebags Explained -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSP8xm_gaK4

"Be sure to hate alot of stuff!"

frilly said...

No, I ended up going with a WSD-- the Dolce Comp Triple.

I love it!

Samuel Critwick said...

"a Proustian slideshow of remembrances"

what about that string of photos qualifies them as Proustian? there is no homo-eroticism, nor are there lengthy, abstruse descriptions of persons who may or may not represent fictionalized versions of people that Proust either knew or were his contemporaries.

unleash your perspicacity, please.

JPB said...

Frilly - Congrats! New bike day is like an extra holiday.

Did you take the pie plate off, yet? It is not officially your bike until you take the pie plate off. And reflectors, those gotta go too!

Udder said...

Maybe they should cobble the bridge and with the slippery ice you can enhance your Spring Classic fantasy.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Samuel Critwick,

I just meant that in the sense of being suddenly transported to the past.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

Power to the Zert Frilly! How is that aluminum treating you? Does the carbon forks make a difference? Assuming you were full aluminum before? Thinking of same.

Anonymous said...

I get a carve out in my seat for my manliness. What does a Specialized Body Geometry Lithia Women's seat offer?

Just wondering?

frilly said...

JPB--Friday was 10x better than Christmas. And no pie plate or reflectors to extract!

anon 4:52--My other bike is straight out of old ten speed gallery. All steel, suicide levers, downtube shifting, platform pedals, pie plate & reflectors everywhere. Thinking about converting it to single speed. I've only ridden the new bike once-no trainer or rollers. It was really windy that day. This bike feels so light, it felt like I was going to blow right over. Can't wait for summer!

Anon 4:53--There is a carve out for the womanbits and a little extra cushioning for the sitbones. Very comfortable.

Anonymous said...

Frilly, enjoy the bliss of your new ride. My hope is, and I don't think that I am alone here, that it will inspire you to new heights of photographic expositions. Hmmmmm........

Anonymous said...

Oh Frilly... *sigh* tell us more about your woman bits!

Hannah said...

And here I thought it was only the wooden part of the Brooklyn Bridge that was ice-coated last night. Glad to know I didn't make a bad call by not opting for the Manhattan. I called 311 to report the ice slick and was reassured that the DOT would check into the complaint within 10 days. Phew.

devb said...

I line the tire labels up with the valve stems so that I can easily find the valve hole when replacing a tube, not because it looks better (though I suppose it does look nice..)

JohnM said...

your posts are always better after a break bikesnob, super funny

leroy said...

Frilly -- congratulations and enjoy!

Samuel Critwick --

Oh like you couldn't think up a madeline and tea bag joke.

Honestly, it's like you're not even trying.

kale said...

Frilly-

In a male-dominated sport (what sport isn't, c'mon) you've chosen wisely with the female-specific componentry.
I've taken the liberty of creating a blueprint of what I think your SS retrofit should look like. And as the only FAT-specific (female and transgender) fixed gear bicycle designer in the world, I can assure you that it will turn heads.

The brakes, like lady bits, can be removed.

AnnaZed said...

RTMS, I am sure that you didn’t mean to say this (exactly) “…shining directly into his eyes at his all times…,” but, I am sure that you did mean to say this, “I realized that this would make it impossible for him to compulsively check his tire pressure without removing the whole cumbersome assembly. It is, in a completely roundabout way, a practical solution.”



Both made me snicker and snort a bit, then laugh (a lot).

Anonymous said...

Snob, you read my mind. After a sloooow slide down the Wmsbrg Bridge last night, I was mentally adding a pair of ice skates to my list of things to carry in the bag in winter...

Anonymous said...

how would you like to be this guy

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_dkAYjn6gU2o/SWUEZ9-ZOrI/AAAAAAAAAqI/O3JV37bsXsc/s1600-h/0106_guy_ski_lift_02.jpghttp://4.bp.blogspot.com/_dkAYjn6gU2o/SWUEZ9-ZOrI/AAAAAAAAAqI/O3JV37bsXsc/s1600-h/0106_guy_ski_lift_02.jpg

Anonymous said...

the pfi is dropping

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/984322353.html

Anonymous said...

no, i really meant this guy.
i think he was advertising something.

http://blog.top10fame.com/2009/01/naked-skier-loses-his-pants-on-vail-ski.html

red neckerson said...

aw fuck

Doug Dorsey said...

Pussies. A little bitta ice never hurt nobody. Harumph!

Anonymous said...

Frilly, didn't Lance win his 7th TDF on a Trek WSD Dolce?

Anonymous said...

speaking of lone wolf, behold the Grey Wolf:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=RaeeMh7qFhY

frilly said...

Kale, that is lovely. Thank you. However, I think I will keep my brakes & bits.

Anonymous said...

Salt on the bridges would ruin my loose ball bottom bracket on my NJS bike.

MJ @ Dyslexic Research said...

I have found the greatest Performance bike ever made at least according to the owner in KC.

http://kansascity.craigslist.org/bik/984338571.html

Anonymous said...

Lithia?

Like lithic or lithsophere? Odd name for a saddle.

I suppose they wanted to remind buyers of the term lithe, but I thought "stone" when I saw it.
I suppose that's litho, really.

Maybe they wanted that.
Any marketers here to explain?

Excellent saddle-sniffing, BSNYC.

Gee Gee Gee said...

Gay! Gay! Gay!

Anonymous said...

anon 838-

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Litha

The celebration of Midsummer's Eve... linked to the summer solstice. People believed that mid-summer plants had miraculous and healing powers and they therefore picked them on this night ...witches were also thought to be on their way to meetings with other evil powers.

Anonymous said...

Noun

lithia

1. lithium oxide, Li2O, used in the manufacture of ceramics and glass



Maybe they meant a Lilithia seat?


[Quote from Wiki article re Lilith Fair]
...taking Lilith from the medieval Jewish legend that Lilith was Adam's first wife.

Wiki Lilith link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilith

Anonymous said...

Bonking...

kale said...

can...

kale said...

make...

kale said...

century...

kale said...

ahhh...

kale said...

All adrenalined out after the puddle with ice underneath it this morning. Any physicists that want a Nobel Prize should get over to Metropolitan and Cooper.

grog said...

Happy for Frilly and her new WSD mount. My spouse also enjoys the WSD treatment.
RTMS should explore for us other "Specific Design" options.
HSD, for hetero
MSD, for metro
BSD, for bozo
OSD, for octopus

SALT VNGR said...

101st!

Anonymous said...

LSD for dopers

alex said...

I just discovered your blog thanks to fatcyclist. I love it and I am hooked. Thanks for the great read and your hard work.

Wade said...

This just in from NYC.gov DOT news:

"Cyclists in New York City are required to have a bell by law. Put it to use on the Brooklyn Bridge path if you are passing pedestrians or need them to clear out of the bike lane. A ding works much better than a shout and the good reputation of New Yorkers will be enhanced if your ringing bell is accompanied with a smile and "thank you". Moderate your speed on the down hill part of your trip - that will do the most to keep everyone safe and in good spirits.

If you're at the end of your patience, consider taking the nearby Manhattan Bridge north side bicycle path, pedestrians have their own path on the south side giving cyclists a less stressful trip over the East River (and some fresh new views too). "

Anonymous said...

NYC gov officials must have seen this

Anonymous said...

I'm wondering if the guy who lost his girlfriend and had his bike stolen is also "down to seeds and stems again too"?

Schwa LBS said...

devb:

I line up the valve with the tire label to more easily locate the offending penetrator in the tire (if there is one) once the tube is out of and the leak located.
Or the other way around; locate tire penetrator and then find tube leak.

For locating valve hole in rim, it's usually just opposite the rim label.
That doesn't work if your rim labels is covered in winter road grime or roadway-flavored hardened ICEE slush treat.
(link for Pulverized Concepts)

Anonymous said...

I thought Lithia was the plural of Lithium. You know.

Lithium carbonate for those schizophrenic witches who still want to ride their bikes socially on Litha without psychosis and use in their lithium perchlorate batteries for their lights on midsummer eve.

You gotta appeal to those women who self-identify as psychotic witches or to the men who believe they are behaving that way mostly due to saddle discomfort.

Anonymous said...

Wade:

I just shout "Ding!" or "Ding, left!" and it seems to work better than either a bell or the usual "Outta my way!" or "No Brakes!" the latter used more often where needed to improve my street cred from a distance or from behind.

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