Rest-Day Roundup: Stealing Seconds and Stealing Bikes

Yesterday's Tour de France stage coverage was inspirational for a number of reasons. Firstly, there was Saunier Duval's impressive one-two finish, proving once again that there is no "I" in "team." (Though there is a "moi" in "chamois.") Secondly, Cadel Evans (whose collarbones are only intact after yesterday's crash because they have both been replaced by titanium) proved he is in fact a great stage racer by taking the Maillot Jaune by one second. (Anybody can blast his way up a mountainside in a distateful display of power, but it takes a certain dignified restraint to sidle up behind people and pilfer seconds the way Cadel does, like an uninvited party guest nabbing cocktail weiners.) And most importantly, about midway through the coverage, the new Mogo Scooter commercial "dropped."

Finally, something I can use! I love prefabricated fads, and this one's so prefab the sneakers they bought for the photo shoot still have the tag on them. The Mogo has a bicycle's lack of portability and lacks a drivetrain, so it's essentially a skateboard you can't bring on the bus and a bicycle you can't ride for long distances. Fun! Of course, the bike-based scooter already came and went in the 80s, but I honestly feel the Mogo will succeed where the Miniscoot failed, mostly because the manufacturer has handily dispensed with all my reservations in their FAQ:

What is it like to ride a mogo?
The mogo motion is like no other type of ride out there. If you enjoy bicycling, skateboarding, surfing, skiing or any other type of cruising, you are sure to love the mogo. On a mogo, you blaze at your own speed, set your style, and dazzle the world with your mogo skills.

Do I need to be an athlete to ride a mogo?
Hardly. All are welcome in mogo nation. Anyone from your little brother to your grandma can enjoy the freedom and excitement of a mogo. Riding styles and speed is totally up to you.

Who invented the mogo?
The mogo was the invention of a groovy group of folks looking for a fun way to enjoy kicking around town and relaxing. Riding a mogo is a great way to be seen on campus or around town.

Can I get a workout from riding a mogo?
The endorphin rush is just one of the many buzzes you get from a mogo. You will notice from the moment you stand on your mogo and start pushing that muscles throughout your legs back and abs are used to propel and steer you mogo.

Yes, take it from me, there is no greater endorphin rush than the one you get from looking like a complete dork. By the way, here's a photo of the "groovy group of folks" who invented the Mogo:

I must admit though that I was disappointed by the results of yesterday's stage. I'd hate to bring my personal biases to bear here, but the truth is I'm rooting for Carlos Sastre. You may recall Sastre's pacifier-in-mouth mountaintop victory salute in the 2003 Tour:

Sastre made this bizarre gesture in honor of his infant daughter, so I'm pulling for him now in the hope that he'll repeat the salute in a more age-appropriate manner. I figure the kid's probably experimenting with "bathroom" words by now and maybe just learning to write, so if we're lucky Sastre will win a mountain stage this year and cross the line holding a blackboard with the word "doody" scrawled on it.

In the meantime, today is a rest day, so I'd like to turn my attention to more important matters. And what could be more important than a bike theft? Recently I received the following email about a missing bicycle in the Brooklyn area:

On June 9th the bicycle was transfered to a UPS truck for delivery in Brooklyn, but grew feet an walked off the truck.

Bicycle is a red 2007 Cinellii Super Corsa 58cm with 2007 Campagnolo Record gruppo (Silver hubs and alloy crankset 172.5). Saddle is a Ti Brooks Swallow honey in color. 120mm Salsa stem (Decals removed) and a Deda 215 Shallow 46cm outside to outside with Cinelli natural cork tape finished with tape colors that match the Cinelli logo. Aspire Velo Tech Italian Bike Mirror on barend. King Cages stainless bottle cages that have been polished along with the stainless button head mounting bolts. The cable stops for the downtube are polished Shimano (I think they look better than the plastic Campy). Wheels are 36h Record hubs with Ambrosio Excellence rims, two cross front and three cross rear, and Vittoria rubber (Red stripes and 23mm tires, Michelin tubes have extra long valves which stands out on the low profile rims.). All other parts are Campagnolo Record Ultra Narrow 10 speed (Headset, pedals, cassette (Big, for the mountains), seatpost is carbon Record). I took the red decals off of the big chainring. Frame is missing one of the "Flying Cinelli C" buttons at the seat cluster. Front derailleur has a nick on the lower outside cage touched up with clear nail polish. Black Timbuk2 medium saddle bag with the logo removed and post strap altered so it would not rub on the Record logo and a brown leather Cinelli toestrap, w/gold logo, looped around seatrails and bag.

As you can see, this is a big loss for me and any help would be great. I am offering a reward in an effort to reclaim the bicycle.

The bicycle was apparently en route from Atlanta (which according to Wikipedia is in Georgia somewhere.) Shaken to the core, I immediately commissioned (at great expense to myself, I might add) a composite sketch of the missing bike:

Note the exquisite rendering of the Brooks Swallow saddle and the Aspire Velo Tech mirror.

Of course, after the artist had already cashed the check the victim sent me an actual photo of the bike:

Amazed as I was at how accurate the composite sketch turned out to be, I was still upset at having spent the money for nothing, so I implore all of you to keep an eye out for this bicycle and to reimburse me for my expenses from what will no doubt be a handsome reward. If you have any information please email me. And in the meantime, I advise the victim to take action against UPS, and to hire a top-notch attorney:

With a commercial like that, she's gotta be good.