Friday, July 25, 2008

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

School may be out, but knowledge is always in! And nothing's cooler or more enjoyable than taking tests. So in the interest of helping keep everbody in style, I've put together a little pre-weekend wit-sharpening quiz. As usual, study the question and choose your answer carefully. If you're right, you'll see the item (or something close to it). If you're wrong, you'll see a PSA for cheese.

Good luck, and ride safe this weekend.

--RTMS




These geese in Prospect Park are:

--Holding an early-season cyclocross clinic

--Holding a demonstration for legal, state-sanctioned same-sex Anserinae marriage

--Planning to launch a violent yet downy attack on the next pie-plated rider they see

--Just honking, defecating, and generally nibbling themselves




What's going on here?

--The Discovery Channel is promoting "Shark Week"

--The Discovery Channel is promoting the "BSNYC Summer Live-Blogging Spectacular!!!"

--Two aspiring actors have bartered away the last remaining bits of their souls

--Both A and C






Why doesn't Cadel want anybody touching him?

--His collarbone, like his spirit, is so brittle it could crumble under the slightest pressure.

--He's not made from the steely stuff of champions. He's made from the fissiparous stuff of Wheaties, the breakfast of champions.

--He's tired and cranky from a day of wheelsucking and he just wants some warm milk, a massage, and some snuggly-wuggly time with his stuffed lion.

--All of the above



There is such a thing as a "Suitcase of Sausage:"

--True

--False





This picture depicts:


--A reader-submitted photo of a pirate bike rack in action

--The latest in fixter streetwear

--An ill-advised bike shop sidewalk display ("I'm slashing prices on fixed-gears with my hook hand and menacing blade!")

--Pake's pun-tastic new pirate-themed ad campaign: "Arrrrr ye Pake?"


Who is this?

--The star of a new urban bicycle-themed sitcom

--The star of a Mission Bicycles testimonial

--A motorcyclist being interviewed about the deafeningly loud straight pipes on his Harley Davidson softail

--The star of Specialized's new Langster TV ad campaign






What's on top of the car under the curtain in this Volkswagen ad?

--A Trek Madone

--A trackstanding fixter

--A brace of fixies

--Vern Troyer riding a Dahon folder on rollers

112 comments:

mary poppins said...

wins

leroy said...

Is it me or did Cadel Evans shrieking about not wanting to have his shoulder touched remind you of Michael Jackson?

rusty said...

third

AH said...

Gaaa! One of those sausages looks like a giant shit!

Anonymous said...

VdV!!!

ant1st said...

First!

Lucky 7 said...

Movin' on up!



A

bruce tennyson said...

top ten

erik k said...

fighting the good fight

ant1st said...

Does anyone else think that mary poppins performance lately is a little suspect? She's (?) seems to be the Mark Cavendish of the comment tour.

ant1st said...

erik k - that's a scary, yet welcomed, sight.

Anonymous said...

12! Just like Andy Schleck

stevep33 said...

Is it OK if my shirt doesn't match my bike?

ant1st said...

leroy - all he needs is a surgical mask. maybe if he dangle his beloved LCL lion off a balcony, the similarities would be undeniable.

ant1st said...

steve p33, that's a question for style man. I'm sure he would say no, unless your name is coppi or merckx

Frenchy aka Bike Boy said...

Mary poppins spends too much time watching this site.......

Anonymous said...

"it feels pretty cool to ride between cars"?? oh jeez. this guy would get eaten alive in nyc. ...then again, his matching bike/shirt combo would make him right at home in willyb.
j

wishiwasmerckx said...

Ant1, you may be right, but I, for one, refuse to watch while Mary Poppins pees into a cup. That's just wrong!

Bikeslob 80220 said...

What costume shall the poor manprincess wear to all tomorrow's $1 PBR nights?

How about his little sister's pink t-shirt, some rolled up jeans, and a babyshit-colored bandana?

Lisa said...

You know a bicycle genre has jumped the shark when it's packaged like a breakfast-cereal prize with a Volkswagen (remember the Jetta Trek?).

Cadel Evans said...

MAKE A WAGON WHEEL!!!

Lucky 7 said...

Cadel, you're an angry elf.



A

Max said...

dude gets the crown of smugness

Anonymous said...

Andy rides 15 miles a day!
At the pace he demonstrated it must take him at least 3 hrs.
I'm surprised he isn't wearing an ironic Red Lobster bib to soak up all the blood he is destined to spill when he accidentally rides down Bush St. He'll have a great time between the cars there.
What a tosser.
"Manprincess" - about sums it up. Well played, sir! Do I have permission to use it in polite company?

Anonymous said...

25th!

leroy said...

I got two wrong.

I didn't suspect Mission Bikes was producing testimonials. (But really, matching bike and shirt? Isn't that just asking to be lampooned? Or is that just a clever way to generate viral marketing?)

And I couldn't resist the idea of Vern Troyer riding a folding bike on rollers. (Honestly, who could?)

BSNYC -- you really have to license erik k to produce cycling caps. Priceless!

Mark said...

I got 5 out of 7!

Die Wurstkoffer sieht lecher aus! I hab' hunger jetzt!

Anonymous said...

For some reason that bizarre tantrum makes me like Cadel more.

veloben said...

Too easy except, I really liked the Dahon on rollers, but overcompensated and went for the Madone.

Fissiparous? Truly an educational post. Can't wait to use it in a complete sentence after the next crash.

Origamikid said...

Ok, seriously. The Vern Troyer riding a Dahon folding bike on roller made me laugh so loud, other people in the office wanted to know what was so funny. Bad snob Bad!

Origamikid said...

Also, I think it is incredibly ironic that the Mission Bicycles logo is almost exactly the same as the new drivers symbol that people are required to put on the back of their cars in Japan.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shoshinsha_mark

Anonymous said...

'roid rage

Anonymous said...

Cadel has such a shrill girlie voice... If he had hair I would have expected him to flip it. Who knew?

Oh ... and thanks for the 80's flashback.... when your get up and go has got up and went.... well at least now we know about how old BSNYC is.

El Guapo [TC] said...

Nothing could be gayer than frolicking around with a handkercheif around your neck because you supposedly ride fixed. It makes me want to vomit on somebody's face. Seriously, where are these people getting thier shitty trendy fashion ideas from, Paris Hilton? Make it stop.

Sycophantic Backstabber said...

Who is this Andy Smith and why is he so boring?!

GCam said...

The reason Cadel shrieked was he fell heavily the day before on his left side and was a bit torn up. But his shriek and Michael Jackson. hmmm
Separated at birth?

Miguel Martinez said...

I wish I was Cadel.

Anonymous said...

"I would kill them." What a crock. That guy couldn't kill a newborn baby with those girlieman muscles. Nice bandana - Anarchists Gone Wild.

Brian said...

American Beef co-sponsoring the team formerly know as Saunier Duval? Trying to promote grass fed and finished beef I imagine.

ice cube said...

Mission Bicycle,

The bane of cyclings exsistance. Not just fixed/track bikes but ALL of us. Self serving bullshit! Why is it that so many think they need to create a scene like it's 1980 hardcore? DIY..My ass. You have a laptop ass wipe! What you were tired of being hollier-than-thou in your music scene so you dropped that to be a fakenger? It's spreading faster and faster, I hope to see a fixed gear section at urban outfitters soon. Have a great ride everyone this weekend.

mary poppins said...

I'm going for 4 in a row, just like sex god mario cipollini did in 99

dopepedaler said...

Being just 1:34 down going into an event that he rocks, he can talk as "gay" as he wants.

Anonymous said...

A bunch of cycling blog comment board folks feeling the need to mock the guy who will probably win the Tour. That's funny stuff. And by funny, I mean sad.

But then again, I felt the need anonymously mock all you. double-sad.

Andrew said...

Somebody ought to get Andy a lovely pink helmet

leroy said...

Okay, okay, the Aussie commentators will be coming on line shortly, so let me just say that I, for one, have a deep and abiding respect for all things Australian.

From Cadel Evans to the Philosophical Department of the University of Woolloomooloo.

http://tinyurl.com/2sbmn3

Mock Cadel Evans? Perish the thought.

ant1st said...

anon 3:34 - this blog is about mocking, so why not cadel? We're not saying we're better than him, just that he could improve a few aspects of his riding/personality.

frilly said...

andrew-he can't have mine.

Not a big Cadel fan myself, but Andy Pandy's cool.

Sycophantic Backstabber said...

This one's for you Mark: Alles hat ein Ende, nur die Wurst hat zwei!

Bikeslob 80220 said...

Andy makes a great spokesman for Mission Bikes.
Airfreetires.com has found a new spokesman too

ant1st said...

Sycophantic Backstabber - good one!

ant1st said...

From an Onion article:

Tour De France Cyclists Make It Past Dreaded Underwater Stage

FRANCE—Luxembourger Frank Schleck, a rider with the CSC team, emerged from the 182-kilometer underwater tunnel stage Monday triumphantly clad in a soaked yellow jersey after braving electric seaweed, underwater volcanoes, cyclist-trapping bubble fountains, carnivorous plants, man-eating fish, and electric eels. "These stages are always a pain," said a visually exhausted Schleck, who went on to complain about the stage's lack of turbo zones and power-ups. "I don't see why we have to go underwater instead of riding through the Pyrenees... It was an aerobic challenge to hold our breath for that long. By the end of it, I only had one life left." The International Cycling Union says next year's Tour will skip the underwater stage as well as the lava stage, ice stage, and the stage where the riders are shrunk to the size of ants and ride the equivalent of 120 miles through a candy store

Anonymous said...

mission bicycle: a single speed/fixie is the perfect bike for a city seperated by a 900' ascent with 12+% grades. having a derailleur is like having a key to the zoo while the single speed is a great and welcome aid in largely quarantining hipsterism to about a dozen level blocks.

veloben said...

I've tried three time to watch Mr. Smith's little video and I just can not get past the point were he closes his eyes and slows down to struggle through "I..ride.....15.....miles..."

Is it that hard to sort out the difference between feet, yards, kilometers and miles or was he just trying not to exaggerate too much?

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 5:28pm...

...that is, of course, unless you know 'the wiggle' which then opens up one's horizon's to a degree...

...but your point is taken...& it certainly is a town for gears, if ya wanna get around w/ any ease...

liittsch said...

Geez, I hope Sastre wins tomorrow. Evans is just a whining, wheelsucking wanker.

stream of nothing said...

Evans was worried, He'd tumbled the previous day on a shoulder that he's broke 3 times. He had already asked nicely not to be touched. Geez, have a heart.
Allez Cadel

broomie said...

Ant1,

Thank you for posting the Onion article. Funniest thing I read today.

Origamikid, that would be a coincidence not irony. Irony would be if a new japanese driver ran over Andy walking his mission bike. But the car had actually been stolen by a gorilla that escaped from the zoo, or something. Or, irony would be the above statement.

I'm delighted to learn of Manprincess Andy's discovery that his his fixie is faster up hills because of his lack of gears. Perhaps that was were Cadel went wrong? He could have used Andy's bike.

AnnaZed said...

Who names their kid Cadel. I mean seriously, who?

I'm just sayin'

DEAFAXE said...

the best veggie burrito in town!
XVEGANX XFIXIEX

david said...

First post , bought a pista is that me bombed out with ma crass t shirt

Smellvin said...

Sorry Andy the best burritos are from La Taqueria at 25th and Mission. Cancun burritos are like eating desiccant, all rice no flavor.

david said...

does anybody read this guys blog apart from fawning sycophants ?
Personaly i love it apart from the non bike loving podium DICKS

broomie said...

david,

yes

AnnaZed said...

david,

yes

david said...

Just came in from a cycle with my dog , he`s an Alaskan Malamute and he can single speed with the the rest of you farty bm lick dicks

david said...

Sorry a bit too strong

david said...

Time delay from a land of realisation is perfect ya 5 to 7 hrs suits me

david said...

Just read your biking thoughts about NYC , try riding in Glasgow with a fixed wheel . yes passing over the BROOKLYN BRIDGE is fun with single speed but your gonnae get your bike taken off you . and the walk to Glasgow Central in Glasgow is shit

prozacforall said...

i've seen that volkswagen ad a few times and as far as i can tell it's a couple of soma rushes. you know, his and hers for a nice brakeless ride around the neighborhood!

Anonymous said...

'wheelsucking Cadel'? That's not wheelsucking snob - he's just following your own modus operandi for a bike race. Except he wins.

david said...

i`m in a different thought process from the Podium tits . never even seen a bike , The non Clash tits , not to say there lonely sad cycling never have been tits

Jonathan said...

david = kevinftmyers.

just sayin'.

oh and,

rule 1: no poofters.

tex said...

David, you don't happen to have relatives in Florida, by any chance, do you? Just curious.

mander said...

Go Cadel Go!

rusty said...

david,
please post more of your insightful comments. Seven just isn't enough.

Anonymous said...

Rusty... agreed.
"The non Clash tits , not to say there lonely sad cycling never have been tits"

That's sheer brilliance..... I think.

Carlos from Philly said...

The woman dressed as baywatch has a remarkably long torso.

Jonathan said...

Here you go Jonathan.

I've added a picture, so we can be told apart. Oh, nice photo on your blog.

Cheers.

patrick said...

hi snob,

I enjoy your work.

You might like to check this.....

http://karlmccracken.sweat365.com/2008/07/22/dunwich-dynamo-2008-when-cyclists-get-tired/

A rider coming to the end of the Dunwich Dynamo, a popular all night 200km running from London, England, to the Lost City of Dunwich on the Suffolk coast. He seems to adopt your technique - following an inelegant dismount - of acting like he really meant to do it.
'mm I think I'll just lie here in the dust and collect my thoughts for a few moments?'

On a different subject, it's true that triathletes were invented for cyclists to laugh at, but didn't the noted exploits of Lance 'the Kid' Armstrong put an end to that era?

regards

Patrick

patrick said...

that Dunwich beach link in digestable form

Greg said...

david said...not to say there lonely sad cycling never have been tits

I too think this nears brilliance but is it they're or they are that you were searching for?

Just sayin ....

Cycle Ninja said...

If Mary Poppins wins a fourth time in a row, will she wear an all-yellow outfit like Cipollini and be banned by ASO?

bikesgonewild said...

...senor sastre...you are the man...you rode well, you rode hard & you rode smart & you earned every square inch of that "maillot juane"...

...grande props...

Anonymous said...

padded underwear that goes inside your cargo shorts

SFsteez said...

Andy,

Thanks for making track bikes and SF look like garbage. We all hate you. Representing hardcore with the brakes. Of course the hills are easy for you.

Love,

SF Track Bike Riders

david said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCSPf5Viwd0

Anonymous said...

the gears adapt the rider's cadence to the road incline

Anonymous said...

it is possible to shift gears without taking one's hands off the handlebars, if that is an issue

Anonymous said...

the modern gearing system adds very little weigh to the bicycle

Anonymous said...

many riders find the use of multiple gears to be fun and convenient

Anonymous said...

riders with multiple gear systems often "customize" their bicycles for increased recreational pleasure

leroy said...

Is it just me or does offering posts on gearing in installments, remind you of an earlier series of posts by installment in a now-for-something-completely-different genre?

You know, the series that starts out:

Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër?

See the løveli lakes.

The wøndërful telephøne system....

bikesgonewild said...

...so, leroy...is it the lutefisk (now there's a tasty, appetite inducing process) or is it the getting lashed w/ birch branches by tall statuesque blondes after racing out of the sauna, on the way to rolling in the snow ???...

...just asking...

Adam said...

Hey, does anyone else think that Garmin-Chipotle cheated today?

Not traditionally cheated (doping, frame pump in the front wheel, using illegal equipment), but cheated on generating publicity?

Bear with me, I have proof.

As anyone watching the OLN/Versus/what have you feed saw, when Christian Vande Velde was riding, Phil and Paul frequently cut over to Jonathan Vaughters, a man who runs a team where "winning isn't important because it encourages doping," and who implies after a poor result that everyone else is doping except his team, and after a win graciously announces that his cyclists are so good, they can win without drugs. Most importantly, the team works to generate publicity for their sponsors through means other than winning. Seems pretty noble... at first.

But here's the thing. Each time the camera cut to Vaughters, he seemed suddenly reach for his radio, and give some garbage advice in monotone, such as "go fast Christian" or "this race is against the clock Christian" or "you're doing great for someone not on drugs Christian." The only problem is, I don't think Vaughters was actually talking to Vande Velde.

Here are two pieces of evidence. Exhibit A: At one point Vaughters tells Vande Velde to drink, telling him to take big gulps and such. Meanwhile, Vande Velde's hands don't move from the bar. Hmmm....

Exhibit B: An after the race interview with VeloNews reads like so:
“I’m happy with my ride today,” Vande Velde said at the line. “I had Matt White and Allen Lim in my ear, and I had Dave Millar’s time splits, and those guys took care of me.”

Hmmm... for some reason we didn't see these other two "helpers". And, even if Vande Velde had three people talking to him for some reason, why leave out your directeur sportif?

Now, in light of this damning evidence, we can arrive at two conclusions:
a) Someone shut off Vaughters walkie-talkie and didn't tell him (kind of like letting a child steer a car from a fake driving wheel) and, in a moment of hilarious irony, asked OLN to film him unwittingly make a fool out of himself.

OR

b) Garmin-Chipotle has intentionally, maliciously, and somewhat clumsily tried to fool OLN and the general public into believing Vaughters is useful and that people take his advice seriously.

Conclusion A is funny. Conclusion B is misrepresentation, and CHEATING. This new drug free order of cycling has inspired a new arms race for publicity, and if I'm not mistaken, Vaughters has just drew first cheating, argyle, blood.

Thoughts?

Robert Carr said...

Cadel talks exactly like my sister.

dopepedaler said...

CVV had a Camelbak on (notice the manitou sized hump on his back), a la Bobby Julich That is why you didn't see him reach for a bottle.

I have, nor offer, no explanation for Vaughter's underwhelming "enthusiasm" and charisma.

bikesgonewild said...

...bsnyc/rtms disappears, 'on vacation' for the first week of the 'le tour' while undoubtedly carrying that "non-messenger" bag...comes back & immediately mentions & jokes about 'credit agricole's' kazakh rider dmitriy fofonov...faithful posters, including moi, respond w/ series of bad 'fofonov funnies'...

...fast forward to grand finale stage on the 'champs elysees' in paris...after the awards are given, the champagne has been drunk & the bikes have been packed, who do we learn has been popped for "stimulants' back on thursday's 18th stage ???...

...that's right...dmitriy 'fucking' fofonov...coincidence, mean anything ???...hmmm, i'll let you decide...

...me ???...i'm just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

handkerchief + Pink shirt + clueless follower + whining = tragic butt shark on the loose.

Peter said...

The Sausage suitcase had a few surprise items in it, how about "1 Bavarian, smoked vice grips pliers"?

..and the final slogan: "German sausage. Everything else is just cheese"

There are bound to be more funny ones in there too, but I was too busy doing something completely non-curricular during german classes.

Johnny Sprocket said...

Sastre rode a good second half of the tour. The Schlecks rode the first half for him. Cadel rode the whole race by himself. With a better team next year, he'll win.

And hey... 2 Americans in the top 50? You guys shouldn't be throwing stones... you know, glasshouses and all.

Also, the all-pink, Mission guy didn't have the pink with world stripes cycling cap? What sort of hipster is he?!

Andy Pandy said...

Thanks Frills. The big Cadel gnome kiddy comes out of the town where my folks come from and one of the best spitting beach breaks around. Everyone loves him so much down there but how much fairy floss can one consume. Happy to see a class act team of champs do a brilliant job. And did the rolling start of the last stage look classy or what with all black R3 SL's

Andy Pandy said...

Johnny S, Cadel ( which is a good welsh name) rode next to or around the CSC team at most times so was afforded the same level of cover at all times, and CE never covered a CSC attack, just stayed with the contenders. This meant virtually Cadel and Carlos worked at similar levels. When the BIG question was finally asked, Cadel could not go with it. Doubt if he will win big as he cannot change a pace upwards but admire his heart and clean racing but not some of his PR skills

Wim Vansevent said...

Boy I am stuffed. Only wish that I could finish up there with all of those podium wannabees

apox said...

would've thought for sure that that last image contained a pope-mobile/dark knight-mobile joke. oh well.

ant1st said...

FOFONOV!

Anonymous said...

Last!

Anonymous said...

Late Questions. A "Brace" of Fixies? Is that like "Flock" of sea gulls or "proud" of lions?

Or Dork of Engineers?

veloben said...

BGW,

Never, never drink from a biddon proffered by a tifoso. Especially a grumpy looking one with a hard plastic 'messenger' bag.

So who is RTMS working for?

Sastre?
Cadel?
Landis?
Andy (pandy) Schleck?

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