Tuesday, April 1, 2008

The BSNYC April Fools' Day Round-Up

Today is April 1st. Rest assured I have no intention of engaging in any April Fools' Day-related tomfoolery, nor do I plan to observe its stupid French counterpart, Poisson d'Avril. Instead, I've decided to jump around the cycling world and take a look at some of the better pranks on offer elsewhere. So get ready to laugh--I promise you'll split your sides faster than a Conti Grand Prix 3000!



1) Cyclingnews

Cyclingnews is always good for an amusing April Fools' hoax, and this year was no exception. The "product" they're reviewing skirts the line between reality and absurdity pretty gracefully, and Huang wins the prime by mentioning lateral rigidity and vertical compliance.


2) NYVelocity

Local boys NYVelocity (a.k.a. Velocity Nation) come through for April Fools' in style with this entry, in which a man and his cat test a disc wheel's aerodynamic properties with what appears to be a Vornado house fan. Rumor has it the cat was working for The Great Trek Bicycle-Making Company before NYVelocity lured it over by loudly opening a can of cat food outside Trek's Waterloo headquarters.


3) Velonews



Remember Craig Calfee and his wacky bamboo bikes? Well, those wags at Velonews have images that purport to be from a "tour" of his "factory." Among some of the "photos" are bamboo bikes, piles of bamboo tubing, and someone joining them with what appears to be hemp twine. A+ for the photo shop job. Hilarious, guys!


4) Velonews (again)



It's a one-two punch from the guys over at Velonews! Just when you think the jokes are over and it's back to business, they throw another one at you. Yup, it's another "factory tour," only this time the factory belongs to the Big S. Check out the frame flex testing "photos": priceless.


5) Fixedgeargallery

By this point you probably don't have any more laughter left in you, but in case you do there are two classic ringer entries over on Fixedgeargallery. First is this "polo bike":




I admit I was taken in for a moment, but then I realized the bike was too goofy looking, even by FGG standards. Also, the whole "bike polo" thing is really funny, but is obviously made up. I mean, who would actually want to play polo on a bike? Cyclists don't enjoy chasing balls around with sticks in small areas--that's why they become cyclists! If there really was such a thing as "bike polo," then the people who played it would essentially just be frat boys in different clothing.

The next ringer was this one:






Yep, it's got all the hallmarks of a spoof: the gaudy color scheme; the chain guard; the tires that cost more than the entire bike. Then look closer and you'll be rewarded with the uber-kludgy threaded/threadless steerer setup and the spoke card. It's even got an epic-length intro. Awesome. And kudos to FGG for poking fun at itself.



6) Performance Bicycle


Hands down the best and most elaborate April Fools' joke this year came from the most unexpected source: mail-order giant Performance Bicycle.






Not only would you never figure Performance for the April Fools' types, but you certainly wouldn't expect a prank in their print catalogue. But there it is, right on page 52 of the latest one, a fake wheel from Mavic called the "R-Sys" with "TraComp" technology. For only $1,399.99! (As if anybody buys expensive wheels from Performance. That's like buying a wedding gown at the Gap.)

Just in case you're having trouble reading the copy (sorry, I had to scan it), it says:

Thanks to cutting edge technology from Mavic, the entire bicycle wheel market is about to change. TraComp(tm) technology uses tubular carbon spokes, which stretch less than other materials, because they're structurally stiffer AND resist compression, without any risk of unloaded spokes--what you get is a ride that's lightweight, amazingly responsive and incredibly comfortable.

Amazing. It sounds just like real marketing copy. For real laughs though you've got to check out the diagrams:



Again, clearly bogus, but still really funny. I mean, after years of touting the aero benefits of their flat Zicral bladed spokes, why would Mavic suddenly start selling a wheel with giant round carbon fiber drinking straws for spokes? The "clamped" spoke thing is also brilliant. A wheel like that would be totally non-serviceable. The finishing touch is the brilliant chart. What the hell does that even mean? I don't know, but it's really funny.

Performance deserves a lot of credit for making fun of a big manufacturer like Mavic. To imply that Mavic might design, manufacture and sell what is essentially a $1,400 wagon wheel is a pretty subversive joke. I know I'm laughing.

78 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm first!!

Anonymous said...

2

Anonymous said...

3rd bitches

Chunk said...

I think VeloNews' real April Fool's story got a little creepy with the Carpenter/Phinner sperm and egg bank.

Prolly said...

bike snob is...

Prolly said...

...oh and 5th!

Anonymous said...

points

Anonymous said...

points

Anonymous said...

top ten

Anonymous said...

top 10

Not bike Snob said...

If you really want to laugh at the Mavic wheels, talk to any pro in Europe, apparently even the slightest fall cracks the spokes and leads to wheel implosion.

broomie said...

I'm confused. I don't see how anyone could possibly expect anyone to believe in a bamboo bike.
Whats next, Boron Carbide-ALuminum-Titanium alloys?

Hi, Prolly. The kids have been asking about you.

Commiecanuk said...

Calfee bikes "tour", ...bamboo bikes, hilarious!! Look at the prices! Brilliant!

They even got a picture of Calfee with bamboo in front of his restaurant, Craig Calfee's Coffee Cafe.

Hey, if you want a REAL April 1st laugh, check out the Rivendell website, the ranting of a homeless guy about bikes. Classic. Who says comedy is only in the hands of the Jewish Canadians?

broomie said...

Not bike snob,

Well, I guess I'll get on my Euro pro hotline phone and ask a random pro why my Mavics haven't imploded yet.

JimmyNick said...

No, I didn't podium. But I worked hard for Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

We stopped selling Mavic in our shop years ago. Sometime after they adopted the P.T. Barnum marketing strategy of "There's a sucker born every minute!"

Oh, and can we please stop with the comment podium thing? It was amusing for about zero seconds and now it's just annoying

Anonymous said...

In the spirit of April Fools' Day I propose that, from this point forward, we all agree to refer to 'Polo Bikes' as 'Circus Clown Bikes.'

Anonymous said...

I was hoping, for a moment, that the cat would bite the man with the vornado fan. If I were the cat, I would have.

Anonymous said...

hmmm... podium comments make about as much sense as Cat 3 racing in my mind... sure, they've been Cat 3 for five years and they're racing like mad for a pair of socks, but it's what they do, and it's fun.


I say we keep it.

bikesgonewild said...

...richard 'fritz' masoner @ cyclelicio.us/ wrote up a great draft for the 'Silicon Valley/San Jose Business News' that implied that General Motors had bought controlling shares of Specialized Bicycles...it was written up so well w/ proper business & legalese terms & purported interviews w/ mike sinyard & gm officials that although people suspected a prank, there was a genuine concern...

...fritz wins in my book cuz even though people knew better, he had 'em wondering...

Commiecanuk said...

Broomie...Mavics are the biggest French scam since bottled water.

Vee vill seell zem overpriced vheels and tap wateur in zee leetle bottles..har har har!

Hannah said...

I miss Sheldon Brown.

Bobbo said...

Hannah, we all miss Sheldon

Chole said...

Dave Moulton has a great prank on his site:

http://davesbikeblog.blogspot.com/

Scott said...

I'm glad I wasn't the only one having a hard time telling which Velonews articles were fake and which were real. If you think of every Velonews article as an April Fool's joke, though, it makes the website much more sensible to read.

Schaefer said...

Bike polo is real!

http://www.geocities.com/biklett/polomain.html

But that neon monstrosity must be a joke...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Brooklyn Machine Works had an excellent one.

--BSNYC

Jonye West said...

Crap, the ridicudonkulousnous has spread to the desert.

http://bend.craigslist.org/bik/626043322.html

bikesgonewild said...

...oy, that is funny but you know some turkey will be sporting a pair of bmw shorty bars soon !!!...

Jim said...

Jimmynick, I hate you f***in leadout guys. Here I am, drafting you bastards since yesterday's comments section, all that way, like 22 hours, then you pull for like 10 minutes and anonymous spurts ahead for the comments win, and now you are here waving your arms around like Tom "Phil Ligget is *Totally* Gay For Me" Boonen coasting across the line cheering a Steegmans win... lame-o. I'm inclined to flush your Colt Malt Liquor down the toilet the way Lance flushed Floyd's EPO down the toilet.*





*Allegedly.

Scott said...

Jim,

Are you saying you're not gay for Tom Boonen? He's got his own techno theme song, for chrissakes!

Commiecanuk said...

Tom Boonen drives a Lamborghini and is dreamy.

Everyone knows Lance flushed Floyd's EPO and Tyler's blood down the toilet while Johan Bruyneel gave Greg Lemond bad touches* in the next room, the very room beside Mike Ball's room where he was filming the famous porn video with Paris Hilton and Mario Cipollini.






*allegedly


Pro cycling is not ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

Expensive stuff from performance is like buying a wedding dress from Target!
http://www.target.com/Bridal-Women/b?ie=UTF8&node=16033001

Boz said...

I almost fell for the carbon wrap story until Huang said it actually mad the bike lighter. Was my face red.

Turd Ferguson said...

The best part of all of this is that Velonews' top prank story was actually in response the BSNYC post making fun of their crappy new webpage.

Take that, people with design sense! MORE ADVERTISING SPACE

Stuggy said...

Hey, Anonymous 12:25. Good for you not selling Mavic anymore. Bet that brand doesn't get anyone asking for it, what with all the neutral support advertising in big races, like, I dunno, than one they ride around in France all summer. I bet my friends who own a bike shop wish they were making enough money they could just turn it away like that!

And as for comment podium, Phbbbbtttttttt!!!!

I made 2nd yesterday, pack fill today.

Yer just jealous!

erik k said...

I think the just was on this guy when he bought those fancy wagon wheels for his bike

Anonymous said...

prolly's back!!! man i missed him.

cutty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cutty said...

brooklyn machine works was originally going to build a full-suspension track bike for april fools. this is just as funny, though.

mr.complaint said...

"talk to any pro in Europe"

We must get a different batch..... or are they only the French speaking ones?

rabbit, rabbit.

Not bike Snob said...

OK. don't look at the pic in Erik k's post.
har! har! har!

JimmyNick said...

Auuuuuughh! Not my Colt 45! You ... you ... you (dare I say it?) Douchebag!!!!

Not bike Snob said...

Don't look at this pic either

Not bike Snob said...

..and "Evian" is naive spelled backwards.

Eat more snails.

erik k said...

not bike snob... hahah wow those carbon drinking straw spokes really do suck, I wonder how many other pics there are like that out there (and for that matter, I wonder how many times those wheels have failed in that manner)

Jim said...

Scott - I am so not gay for Tom Boonen,* it's not even funny. I totally wouldn't hit it, which is unsurprising considering I'm a middle-aged straight guy.

Well, maybe like a viking, but otherwise, no. Totally wouldn't.

But seriously though, "Tom Boonen"? Is that his porn name?

Sycophantic Backstabber said...

Snails are good. But then again, so is every in a butter garlic sauce.

Sycophantic Backstabber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Woogie woogie

leroy said...

I'm outta here.







April Fools.

Anonymous said...

I report with great sadness that I don't think this is a harmless April Fool's prank:
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/pen/bik/620200107.html

I suspect the reader saw the mixte from Michigan on fixedgeargallery and said "kewl, now do mine" but the maker of that one is no doubt resting on his laurels.

Andy Pandy said...

Marketing Hint for Mr. Calfee. Stop sniffing the hemp dust and devote less of your valuable time on esoteric bike designs and get to work on that boring exterior of your factory. Perhaps a nice bamboo feature would break up all of that drab wall cladding, which was probably made from discarded Aluminum frames pressed out by failed sumo wrestlers rolling around . Rip up the daffodils and put in bamboo and erect 3 meter high fences to stave off hungry pandas

Anonymous said...

stave my panda, yo.

Anonymous said...

Breaking News. Cipo out... did Balls push or did Super M jump. Think an in depth probe is required

Philip Williamson said...

The fork on that Brooklyn Machine Works bike looks like it was originally designed to run the new 900D wheels.

Franklin Pierce said...

Bill's bike is funny. BikeFonzNYC (to plagiarise Chromey) pointing it out is, like, totally, Al Franken-level funny.

c_c_rider said...

michael ball is going to kidnap that cat, if he hasn't already.

Anonymous said...

dear mavic:
-fat spokes = drag = slow
-long columns buckle
-composite is NFG in compression
-that stress-strain curve is classic "brittle failure" not preferred in wheels.
-not true-able...are you kidding?

Commiecanuk said...

Snails and frog's legs, the French don't really eat that stuff, they just serve it to tourists along with tap water in a fancy bottle. I know for a fact that French bread served outside of tourist board photos is only 3" long, and no one wears berets of neckerchiefs, or smokes, or drinks wine, ...it's all Le Zima.

And French cyclists use Campagnolo wheels.

Anonymous said...

The sad thing is, the Calfee thing is real. The past 3 NAHBS venue he has shown that bike... He is actually going to teach classes in third world countries on how to build bikes...

MWHack said...

I must admit I was taken by the Specialized tour. Did think something was fishy about the looks of those "engineers" though. Thanks for straightening me out Bike Snob!

Johnny Sprocket said...

At Velonews, every day is April Fools day!

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horny spanish flies -
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in the vip -
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