Tuesday, March 25, 2008

A Separate Peace: Brokering the End of the Cyclist/Driver War

"There is a juggernaut out there - the tension between the cyclists and the drivers is so high that it's become a war," said triathlon coach Marc Evans... [from an article on SFGate]

Yes, it should come as a surprise to nobody that a war has been raging between cyclists and drivers for nearly as long as there have been cyclists and drivers. But the time has come to say: Enough! (Or “Enuf” if you prefer to make your voice heard via text message.) To this end, I am proposing a treaty that will hopefully end this war once and for all. Let us please adopt it in the interest of peace.


TREATY
Between Cyclists and Drivers


It is hereby agreed as follows:

Division of the Roadways

Drivers can have all highways, freeways, expressways, and interstates. Cyclists keep everything else. Motor vehicles shall not be allowed on local roads, and bicycles shall not be allowed on highways. The exception to this will be the Jackie Robinson Parkway (formerly the Interboro Parkway) between Brooklyn and Queens in New York. This shall be renamed in honor of professional cyclist and alleged sex symbol Mario Cipollini, and it shall be used exclusively for high-speed hair product testing. (First to be tested will be Mario’s new combination hair gel/chamois cream, which not only prevents crotchal chafing but can also keep a coiffure stationary at speeds in excess of 200mph. Will be marketed under the brand name “Taint Movin’.”)

Exchange of Prisoners

Cyclists will return to drivers all German automobile-driving Blackberry users in exchange for the return of their CSC kit-wearing, mountain bike shoe-wearing Cervelo riders. As it happens, most of the former are also the latter, so they should all be relieved to be reunited with their respective bicycles/automobiles and to make their garages whole again. Cyclists will also return all UPS, FedEx, and DHL (the Nashbar of courier companies) truck drivers in exchange for all bicycle messengers and cycle-rickshaw drivers captured in battle. There have been some lonely bongs in the cyclists’ ranks, and cyclists can expect the celebratory sound of gurgling water to ring out well into the night upon the prisoners’ return.

(As discussed during last week’s secret summit, since cyclists don’t want the recumbent riders and triathletes back, and since drivers don’t want the operators of forest-green minivans and Lincoln Town Cars back, we’ll just drop them all off on Bikini Atoll. War is hell, but at least something good has come out of it for both sides.)

The Wilderness Theater

While a truce may have been struck on the roads, apparently the war rages on in the woods as the ATV riders and mountain bikers continue to fight. How many paintballs need to be fired, and how many suits of body-armor splattered, before this madness ends? Probably a lot. So let’s just agree to look the other way and let them burn themselves out in there. They’ll all get tired eventually.

Slurs

Drivers agree to stop calling all cyclists “Lance Armstrong.” It’s enough already. If a driver absolutely must call a cyclist something, the driver may call him “Wim van Est,” or else “Heidi Van de Vijver” if the cyclist is a woman or person of indeterminate gender. In exchange, cyclists agree not to get all self-righteous and “green” during altercations with drivers. This includes: demanding that the driver stop driving; lecturing the driver on his or her vehicle’s gas mileage; and blaming the driver for yesterday’s unseasonable cold spell or for global warming-related polar bear drowning deaths.

The Forming of an Ineffectual Body to Enforce These Provisions

To ensure that cyclists and drivers continue to live side by side in peace and mutual respect as they undoubtedly will, a weak and indecisive group will be formed to oversee and enforce the provisions contained herein. This group will consist of representatives from the various Cyclist and Driver subgroups. The following subgroups of cyclists have been identified and acknowledged to date: Roadies; Randonneurs; XC Mountain Bikers; Downhillers; Freeriders; Messengers; Fixed-Gear Freestylers; Commuters; That Guy At Work Who Has A Bike He Never Rides But Is Always Asking About Yours; Cyclocrossers; and BMXers. The following driver subgroups have also been identified: Idiots; Idiots from Jersey; Women Who Are Dwarfed By Their SUVs; People Who Don’t Go When The Light Turns Green Because They’re Too Busy Texting, Flavoring Their Coffee, or Checking Themselves for Pubic Lice; Delivery People; Lost Idiots from Jersey; and Taxi Drivers.

More subgroups will be added as they are identified.

Signed this Twenty-Fifth Day of March, 2008,



__________________
Cyclists


__________________
Drivers

126 comments:

Anonymous said...

Podium!

Anonymous said...

2nd!

Anonymous said...

third? whoa.

Jonye West said...

so close.

Jonye West said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pending said...

I hate sharing the road with polar bear killers!

Kyle said...

I only didn't poll because I actually read the article....

Anonymous said...

Absolutely hilarious post!!!

Anonymous said...

i miss prolly

Anonymous said...

top 10,11, 12?

Anonymous said...

"taint Movin'" hehehe Your keyboard finger must have been guided by the ghost of Coppi himself.

Anonymous said...

If anyone calls me buttercup, i'm throwing down.

BotchedExperiment

erik k said...

Me must ratify the treaty, just the other day I was attacked stop the madness! I also suggest that we add to agreement that all cyclist have complete control and authority over all smart cars at all times!

AH said...

So *that's* why Prolly has been conspicuously absent these last weeks. It's not the vitriol that resulted in the D.A.R.T. debate; HE'S BEEN TAKEN HOSTAGE BY THE DRIVERS!!! (I'm surprised he hasn't been sighted on an internet video wearing an orange jumpsuit with a scimitar hovering over his neck.)

We demand the immediate release of Prolly!

Adam said...

"a weak and indecisive group will be formed to oversee and enforce the provisions contained herein."

Can we call this group the League of Nations?

Dee said...

"That Guy At Work Who Has A Bike He Never Rides But Is Always Asking About Yours" --- I thought I was the only one who had one of these!
Over the past few months: "I have a bike too, it's in my basement" ... "I'll probably get my bike out this weekend" ... "Hey I just dropped my bike off to get a tune-up" ... "I can't wait until winter is over so I can ride my bike" ... "It's nice to be near Central Park but I could never ride my bike through Manhattan to get there" .........

Anonymous said...

Why all the hate on recumbent bikes all the time? Would you rather have people that have medical reasons or are really old drive cars around for fun instead? Not funny. I don't have a beard nor am I old and I have a recumbent. (I guess having it spelled with the word cum in it doesn't help my situation)

And all the people that thinks it's awesome to be first or 2nd to comment, get a life!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:17pm,

I notice you're not defending the traithletes though.

--BSNYC

mr.complaint said...

I hope this is negotiable. I still want to be able to yell "FATSO!"

Anonymous said...

team anonymous sweeps!

I hear they are repainted nashbar frames

OpenYourEyes said...

The creme de la creme of posts.

Often time I spend my time dreaming of what a post apocalyptic world will look like, how my life might be different if I made some other choice in my past, the hidden messages in water, what sex would be like with a super model, on and on. I never could spend the amount of time you do, Snob, on envisioning a better tomorrow for cyclists. When you get high from your four-foot-seven-chamber-floor bong, do you lye around and think of this stuff? What is your inspiration, other than your obvious love of fellow cyclists of course. Why does it matter to you?

Anonymous said...

I got cursed out today. As far as I could tell, the driver was pissed that I had the audacity to ride along the side of the road and approach the intersection at which she wanted to turn. She was fat, ugly, and driving a little wagon. If you know her, please remind her that there's a truce going on.

OpenYourEyes said...

If a driver ever hassles you, please send me an email immediately with their license plate number and make of their car. Just the other day a smart car driver got a bit too self righteous with me, so, I let him have it . Fucker.

In the treaty can we still yell fucker?
It's an awesome word and shouldn't go unused.

the dwarfinator said...

heh heh the word "dwarfed" is funny

Jim said...

****"a weak and indecisive group will be formed to oversee and enforce the provisions contained herein."****

Can we call this group the League of Nations?


I think "Congress" might be more fitting. Though "Governor of the Great State of New York" is making a strong solo effort...

Anonymous said...

i was once called a f*ckhead by a woman driving a hybrid with a peace sign sticker on the back. i had to stop i was laughing so hard. i was very stoned.

Luke said...

The war's been going on since at least 1897, in fact.

To victory!

Sleepy Head said...

This is momentous. Although I would still highly advise against passing cars on the right. Can you negotiate a treaty with those early morning road runners too?

I didn't know there was so many exploding car videos on YouTube. Now that is funny.

Jewbeard said...

I've been harassed countless times by people in Priuses and other hybrids.

Lazy Bike Commuter said...

What's wrong with mountain bike shoes?

Poppymann said...

"lecturing the driver on his or her vehicle’s gas mileage; and blaming the driver for yesterday’s unseasonable cold spell or for global warming-related polar bear drowning deaths."

Did I miss a memo? since when did we stop using the Finger?

bikesgonewild said...

...my personal attempt at creating equality & resolution for both sides is this:...

...if i'm on my bike & yer in a car, then i'm right & yer wrong, so get out of my way...however, if i'm in my car & yer on a bike, then i'm still right & yer still wrong, so get out of my way...

...i feel like i'm doing my part to empower both sides of the equation in this manner...

Strayhorn said...

jewbeard at 2:06:

What's the deal with that? Seriously, I've had more obscenities yelled at me from people in things like Honda Elements and other touchy-feely autos (including the Pious, er, Prius) than rednecks in pickup trucks.

We did have a guy in my area shot by a motorist over the weekend. He'll be OK (just a flesh wound in the leg) but, man, it's getting strange out there.

crispy said...

Brilliant post!

Anonymous said...

I won't sign it.

Viva la revolution!

Anonymous said...

"Will be marketed under the brand name 'Taint Movin’.'”

I usually don't comment, but God damn. Bravo.

B.L.O. said...

You make your stinking peace with the polar bear murdering driver swine...

Soon we will be locked away in "time-trial" camps.

Have you noticed that Amtrak now has "bike-racks" in it's cargo cars... soon they will be luring us into their "bicycle-boxcars"

There is no peace in this war!

Viva la Resistance!

broomie said...

Speaking for the triathletes. I actually endorse banishing us to the island because that will weed out the ones that can't swim. But when the rest of us get back we are so going to be in your face about our own nation! We demand an area 56 miles long, 13.1 miles wide, with a bay 1.2 miles wide. If our demands are not met we will be like Kurds with ninja skills. Remember we can blend into any group. Walking down the street, you can't tell if that guy on the bike is really a cyclist or not. Is that really just a runner shadowing you? You see that car with a bike rack...hmmmmm..

broomie said...

Lazy Bike Commuter,

The mountain bike shoes are a hint that you spend time off the bike. This is a roadie no-no. If you must get off the bike, you may use cleat covers.

Also, you may only leave the shoes on the bike if you are immediately going to run afterward or take a shower.
-Hope this helps!

Marrock said...

Hey now... I have a forest green minivan.

It's old and full of bike parts, but still...

The only thing I've even run off the road with it is the occasional Saab or Peapod delivery van.

mr.complaint said...

Hey! I have a Saab full of bicycle parts! Careful man!

Old rule: Cars should never be worth more than your bicycle.


Butt still...

Lorna Doone said...

Idle thoughts:

If no triatheletes in the exchange, does that mean no Judi? How do we quantify that loss?

With regards to Slurs: is Douchebag still acceptable?

Maybe the overseeing group could be called, Taint Movin' On. It could endorse a presidential candidate on a biking platform.

And last but not least, recumbants, oh recumbants. If you ride one you should just keep yer yap shut and ride. Try to not attract attention to yourself.

That's it. Have a great day.

Anonymous said...

You're not gonna get a much better treaty than this, B.L.O.

Did you see the part where we get all the roads?

Although we can't ride them, we even get the freeways car-free. Because unless your driveway is a freeway on-ramp, you would have to drive regular roads to the freeway.


That means a car free country.

Brilliant!

broomie said...

lorna doone,

judi will have to brush up on her swimming.

nolucker said...

Funny- I love the Interboro

Lazy Bike Commuter said...

The mountain bike shoes are a hint that you spend time off the bike. This is a roadie no-no. If you must get off the bike, you may use cleat covers.

Ooooh, I guess lose EXTRA points because I use Crank Bros Quattros on my road bike...and don't need covers for the cleats on my road shoes.

I fit in nowhere.

lorna doone said...

Broomie,

The thought of her with ninja skills on top of everthing else is scary.

But you guys can be flushed out pretty easily: we'll just set up a row of Cervelos.

ka_jun said...

Why can I not stop watching?

Anonymous said...

If I sign, does this mean I have to stop spitting on the windscreens of cars that cut me off only to screach to a halt at the next red light?

Bella said...

"That Guy At Work Who Has A Bike He Never Rides But Is Always Asking About Yours."

Thanks for including him - otherwise he'd start pestering me about the truce and what I'd heard. Next thing you know his whiny-snivelling butt would be commenting about how we cyclist need to pull out of the parks in the area because we've lost too many already. The price of fitness is just too high for some people.

bikesgonewild said...

...ouch, ka-jun...i hurt all over just from watching that clip...

...& i'm pretty sure our pal judi is real strong at all three disciplines but i'll bet she got tired of doing her swimming practice, upstream in a river of posted crap...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

Awesome Post Mr. Bike Snob... Hilarious!!!

Just be careful you don't run over Obama's grandma while she tries to get herself out from under the bus he threw her defending his wacko pastor.

Lost idiot from Jersey. Where's Manhattan? hehehe...

gttim said...

I usually get harassed by people driving autos with little silver fish on the back.

I have actually had the pleasure of catching one of these cars right after they parked in the church parking lot. In front of the gathered congregation I asked him if he thought that was Christian behavior. He did not answer but kept his head down and headed up the stairs into the church. His wife was pissed and must have already lit into him for blowing the horn while he almost forced us off the road.

For a little while there, I almost believed there was a God.

Ron Paul said...

the cars were here first, the bikers have to leave. its the bikers fault anyway.

Anonymous said...

As a triathlete, I was going to defend myself earlier, but I realized I'd only done 2 workouts today, so I figured I'd get to it later while I was churning out some watts on the computrainer.

Off-topic, could someone explain this: http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/bik/618390710.html

Anonymous said...

gttim,

Don't ride next or behind cars with little silver fish on the back of them on a sunny day, the glare from the sun coming off the silver fish may blind you and you may be forced to go on your knees and pray in the middle of traffic.

Lost idiot from Jersey...
Hey, where's Brooklyn? Is Brooklyn in Prospect Park? hehehe...

leroy said...

BSNYC --

Don't invest in Taint Movin' just yet.

The market may be saturated. CNN is reporting that our former Governor just inked a deal to promote a hair gel chamois cream called "Taint Misbehavin'."

leroy said...

gttim --

Out of New York this past week, I saw a car with a little silver fish on it. Inside the fish was the word "gefilte."

Anonymous said...

Check this out...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rWu9rMPj7o&feature=related

Hey Bike Snob, I think you better take this Treaty to the Supreme Court!

Anonymous said...

ron paul... cars were here first? bikes started appearing early in the 1800th century. Cars weren't realist for anyone until about 1920. I know your a douche bag and all, but a least check your facts, or at least mybe get some good old us gov. intelligence

Anonymous said...

Today I had a car driver work really hard to get past me even though I was only a few car lengths from a red light. At first I thought he was an idiot, but he then just drove through the intersection as if the light was green. I guess he knew what he was doing after all!

Bun E said...

There are only 27 downhillers in the whole US. Not enough for a seat at the table (note: there are a lot of people with DH bikes though)

Anonymous said...

where are the school bus drivers? they are idiots.
why do they think driving little brats back and forth from their internment camps called "schools" make them so important they don't have to obey traffic laws?
As Colonel Kurtz and I say: I hate them, I do hate them.

Anonymous said...

hell yeah anon 5:13 PM

that douche bag was definitely not a typical polar bear killing fucker.

Anonymous said...

DREAM Presidential ticket...

BIKE SNOB, President
LIZ HATCH, V.P.

LIFE BEHIND(Handle)BARS!

Daniel! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

http://www.bikereader.com/contributors/misc/passion.html

Daniel! said...

With regards to Slurs: is Douchebag still acceptable?

I'd like to think no, since I hear that word, like, a billion times every fucking day... For example:

I know your a douche bag and all, but a least check your facts, or at least mybe get some good old us gov. intelligence

that douche bag was definitely not a typical polar bear killing fucker.

Seriously, mix it up a little!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 5:06 p.m. :

Did you notice the cute blond in the video trying to collect Treaty signatures ?

David said...

"DHL (the Nashbar of courier companies" hahaha! Perfect. Cheers, David G. Member of the SF Bicycle Coalition.

Bluenoser said...

I believe that the ATV problem will look after itself. The increase in ATV rollover rates proves that you can't ride an ATV and play the banjo at the same time.

Used to be that canoeists and Burt Reynolds only had this problem.

-B

Bluenoser said...

What about the Great Horse/Cyclist War of 1870-1900? Was nothing learned from that first War to end all Wars?

-B

Matthew said...

What do we do about cyclists who call other cyclists "Lance"?

broomie said...

lorna doone,

it seems you have our number..

Drat.

lazy commuter, as practical as your footwear choice, is, indeed you fit in nowhere. There is room at the tri table, but you must shave your legs, chest AND back.

Anonymous said...

Like so many summits this one is doomed to fail because the the elephant in the middle of the room is not being addressed. I'm speaking of pedestrians, of course. If peace is achieved between cyclists and motorists, they will all certainly band against pedestrians. We must not let this happen for the very pragmatic reason that everyone has to get off their bikes and out of their cars and walk somewhere. Then, we face the fury of those that were very recently our allies and all hope for peace is destroyed.

Lazy Bike Commuter said...

I think maybe I DO fit in somewhere.

Fred.

Anonymous said...

I'm a delivery driver and cyclists are the least of my worries. Unlike cars, even the softest blow will leave them incapacitated and unable to give chase.

I guess I'm not sure where your leverage is?

Andy Pandy said...

Yaint goona see me surrender and sign some tatty piece of paper I will fight them on the beaches, in the air and on the land. No quarter offered. I wave my private parts at you, nancy vehicle driving interlopers. We were here first. We have not lost all that skin to be sold out. Now I know how those Japanese soldiers felt in the pacific. We will have Cipo as our Che so we cannot loose, so to victory we pedal

Bluenoser said...

In Halifax there is a bus called FRED. It stands for Free Rides Everywhere Downtown.

Has a dorky looking face painted on it and only the rookie bus drivers get to drive it.

Sort of like the recumbent of buses.

-B

David 23 said...

Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Hey now; not everyone with a chrome fish on the back of a car is the enemy. I choose not to ride to every ride I go on and often drive myself and my bike there instead. I've got a "jesus fish" (ichthys) on my auto and drive like a cyclist: I've even had cars honk at me because I've crossed a little too far into the opposite lane because I've given a cyclist a little too much space - hard to tell a cyclist from some dip on a bike trying out his clipless pedals and Nashbar jersey for the first time.

Anonymous said...

The Aroma in Tacoma Y-Foil
http://seattle.craigslist.org/tac/bik/618791918.html

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 5:11pm...i believe presidential hopeful ron paul was being facetious & it was re-enforced by his blaming it all on the cyclists...

...but to further your thought, originally cars had to be preceded by a person on foot waving a red flag, so as to not scare pedestrians, horses or cyclists...

...the early motor vehicle drivers benefited from the "good roads act" which was put forth by the cyclists of the day, to improve the muddy, rutted horse & wagon tracks...

...so basically as cyclist's we're dealing w/ a bunch of fucking ingrates driving on "our" roads...

Anonymous said...

Bikesgonewild: Keep in mind that "our" roads are paid for by billions (if not trillions) of dollars of "their" gasoline, sales, property, etc. taxes.

Even your best "bike paths" that are maintained by a city/state are still paid for by municipal taxes.

Sure, we pay taxes too. But if it wasn't for "them" we'd all be riding mountain bikes, downhill bikes, or fixed gear bikes with big knobby tires. Personally, given those limited choices, I'll be riding an old horse named Gunpowder.

bk said...

amen brother. i am so sick of being called lance.

quaffimodo said...

Stationary coiffure reference, likes to say stuff like "crotchal" a lot...could we be closer to discovering the Snob's true identity?

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 12:35am...basically after imparting a little info about the 'early' days (which i find fascinating), my comment about 'our' roads & ingrates was totally facetious...
...sheesh, i've got a reputation to maintain on THIS site...but your info is good for all of us to be aware of...

Rusty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rusty said...

I'm surprised that there aren't more folks talking about the US Forest Service's new Travel Management Policy and Forest Plan Revision. The ATV vs. Non-Motorized recreation is a huge issue here in AZ. I can only hope that it's paintballs and not real bullets when the shit hits the fan here. These ATV types are crazy...and fat!

broomie said...

Anon 12:35,

Hey, thanks for the civics lesson, I thought roads were paid for with fairy dust farted out of the butt of the Ranibow Unicorn Pegasus of Understanding.
And, if you think trillions are being spent on the roads, you haven't been to Southern California.
I guess its safe to assume you are on the car side?

bikesgonewild said...

...that's a wonderfully poetic vision, broomie, i kinda like the imagery...
...if i got to live there, i'll bet i coulda beat guys named fausto & eddy n' greg & lance...

AnnaZed said...

bikesgonewild - “...& i'm pretty sure our pal judi is real strong at all three disciplines but i'll bet she got tired of doing her swimming practice, upstream in a river of posted crap...”

word

I am not sure what the origin of the Judi slamin’ cadre is around here or what exactly their beef is. This is in spite of having read every single bikesnob post and attendant comments ever written, because … well … when I come here it’s all about me usually.

I would like to say however, CUT IT THE FUCK OUT … assholes.

In other news; that Merican craigslist post made me throw-up in my mouth a little.

Anonymous said...

Hybrid drivers are the worst. They are the ultimate car-lovers here in London because the tight-arses don't have to pay the congestion charge.

Saving the planet - bollocks, ohhh look at my hydrid, it replants rainforest, rescues drowning polarbears, cleans the air and fosters orphaned orangutans. Death to the Prius! Tear up the treaty Back to the trenches! Hang on, petrol £1.10 a litre, congestion charge £8 mmmmm where's my local Honda dealer.............

Anonymous said...

....or should that be Toyota! oops, post night shift brain mush

Anonymous said...

Honda do a Civic hybrid but no one will buy it because unlike the uniquely distinctive Prius, the Civic only has a small badge proclaiming it's Earth hugging ways.

Gaahl said...

Brilliant! So funny I had, just had, to torch* a stavechurch afterwards!


*er..no, that was Varg's bag, we're more into crusifiction and Viva La Bam.

Anonymous said...

i like to throw my water bottles at cars that honk and swear, i love it. i love being stoned outta my tree on group rides, and be the only guy to pick fights w/motorists.

Sprocketboy said...

Woman Who Are Dwarfed by Their SUVs will not sign. They don't even know about the war as they never notice that they run us over.

Will this treaty also mark the end of Drive-Through Starbucks?

sd said...

Don't want to be called Lance? Take off the goddamned Discovery jersey.

stu run said...

DHL - we call it Drop it, Hide it, Lose it

Commiecanuk said...

Hybrid drivers are the worst. They are the ultimate car-lovers here in London because the tight-arses don't have to pay the congestion charge.

Ironic, given that Hybrids don't use any less gas than small cars. The Toyota Pious is supposed to be the car from the "Green" auto maker, the same green automaker that killed its electric car program in California when they realized that electric cars don't wear out parts like gas autos.

Of course, there is no point in doing anything in car in America unless it's in your face. I don't care about your opinions of GWB or preference for gay lesbian wheelchair athletes, ...just use a turn signal. If people spent 1/10 the time voting as they do picking out bumper stickers, nah, the country would still be fucked.

As for this treaty...sigh...another agreement that the Canadian army is going to have to police on WWII surplus bicycles and Canadian Tire BB guns.
Our commander in chief: the gay love child of Gene Autry and Frankenberry.

Commiecanuk said...

Anonymous said...
Bikesgonewild: Keep in mind that "our" roads are paid for by billions (if not trillions) of dollars of "their" gasoline, sales, property, etc. taxes.
Even your best "bike paths" that are maintained by a city/state are still paid for by municipal taxes.


Yeah, next time your riding on the interstate, remember, they paid for that privilege. God bless 'em, and the ability to claim their tax dollars are used only in certain ways.
My tax dollars, along with most others, are used to pay 0.000001% of the interest payments on all that stuff. That,and bomb kids in smelly countries.

Tim said...

i think we should reconsider taking back the recumbant guys... their combined IQ's really bring up the average, and they all look like my 8th grade history teacher who was super nice.

Anonymous said...

Did you study bikeology ?
I am very surprised that you know Wim van Est, a Dutch biker who was born about 2 ages ago.
By the way in Holland bikers have their own streets called fietspaden (bike-paths), no problems with cars only with motorized bikes (don't know the english word).

inkedbuddha said...

I've never read this blog before, and now I love (almost) all of you posting on here! Hilarious.

Although, it may take me a long time to get "Taint Movin'" out of my head . . .

I never said...

You have "forest-green minivans"? Here in London we have white van man. He is the exception. He is at war with cyclists, cars, pedestrians and anyone he can berate. Every one except pretty girls with large, er, eyes who he points and whistles at. In fact have you ever noticed how people wander off course at things they are looking at? The only people white van man is actually a danger to is pretty girls continually winged by his mirrors.

I never said...

ridethewomble said...

GAAAAAAH! Never Surrender! No quarter, comrades. Extremism in the defense of the bike lane is no vice.

Brothers and sisters, you may go with these Neville Chamberlains, and hope life will get better, but our enemy will not rest until we have all been right-hooked into extinction. We cannot convince them to love us, and it's just going to get worse. Don't you understand they want to kill each other, too? Their nihilism is not bounded by reason.

Respectfully, I must break with the treaty faction. I will retreat to the hills, returning only to make lightning-fast strikes.

Oh, and the @#$* who ran me off the road yesterday with her BMW, and then yelled at me about it? YOU'RE FIRST.

Brad said...

Is this another treaty that Hillary Clinton will take credit for?

Anonymous said...

The only people that refer to it as "Jersey" are people from New York!

Dog on Wheels said...

Oh man. I was going to keep baseballs in my jersey to throw at cars this summer, but this treaty is wayyy better.

bluecolnago said...

if you see a taint movin', ya better grab it. it's prime.

if ya see a taint misbehavin', run, ride, do something to get out of the way.... it's gonna get you!

Anonymous said...

yeah! signed.
chicago messenger.

Anonymous said...

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