Friday, March 21, 2008

The BSNYC Good Friday Over-Share

Remember cyclocross? You know, that thing you tried a few years ago, swore you'd never do again, and ever since then has somehow become the highlight of your season? Well, I'm pleased to announce that the new issue of Cyclocross Magazine includes an article I wrote about why 'cross will never jump the shark. (And it has nothing to do with the fact that placing a shark tank between a pair of barriers is not only UCI-illegal, but also prohibitively expensive and downright dangerous.) Look--they put my name on the cover and everything! And rest assured there are also much better articles and interviews in here concerning people who are actually good at 'cross as well. So if you love 'cross (or if you hate it, which you undoubtedly do if you partake in it) check it out.


Moving on, there's something else I'd like to share with you as well. As the author of a popular cycling blog, I've gained access to certain perks and benefits that are simply not available to the average cyclist. For example, I no longer pay for tubes. They just show up at my house--free! Also, I get special treatment at bike shops. I mean, they still ignore me when I come in, but they don't actively insult me. But perhaps best of all is the secret website.

That's right--when you reach a certain level in the cycling world, you get to use a secret website that gives you huge savings on all kinds of cycling gear. If you read this blog regularly, you know I'm not easily impressed, but I have to say that the secret website is absolutely amazing. The way it works is, they send you emails with a special code. Then you go to the website, order what you want, and put in the code. It's a lot like buying marijuana from a delivery service actually, and it's every bit as intoxicating. Except it's a lot cheaper.

I have to admit though that over the last few months I've started feeling a little guilty about it. I mean, who the hell am I? Why should I get special treatment? In fact, I started to think that maybe I should share the secret website with my readers. Finally, this morning, I got an email from the secret website that was so unbelievably tempting that I decided I finally had to spill the beans. Here it is:



Yup, you read that right. An additional--additional--10% off on orders of $75 or more. Just because it's Easter! You don't have to be Christian, or even like Jesus at all. (They don't check--trust me.) And they have sales like this all the time. I think you can see why I can't sit on this thing any longer. All this time I've felt like a hen, sitting on a hatching egg as the chick's beak pokes me in the crotch. So I'm finally letting the cat out of the bag--or the chick out of the egg. Of course, I can't reveal the actual URL of the site (I'm too scared to lose my priveleges) but you can see the secret discount code in the lower left of the image, which should give you a clue.

Oh, one more thing--they even invent their own components. Check this out:

Ever removed your seatpost and not remember where its position was? This rubber piece fits around your post as a reminder, aesthetically improves the seatpost/frame junction, and provides additional protection from crud getting around the seatpost. Black.

Amazing. Not only do I lose track of my saddle position all the time, but I absolutely detest the aesthetics of my seatpost/frame junction. Get out of my head, secret website. Get out of my head!

Finally, there's one more thing I'd like to share with you. (Don't ask me where all this munificence is coming from. It must be the change of season.) A reader recently shared this with me. I've been whining for awhile about the lack of variety in cycling-related TV. I've even pitched my own shows. But I've now seen the future of Bike-er-tainment, and its name is the Opinionated Cyclist:




Give this guy a talk show and a sidekick and you're in business.


90 comments:

unotache said...

I'm on top today, bitches

Anonymous said...

podie!!!

anon's rule

ka_jun said...

I get special treatment at bike shops. I mean, they still ignore me when I come in, but they don't actively insult me.

Man, hahahaha, ouch.

Karl Rover said...

Hey I thought I was the only one with the secret Nashbar code!

Anonymous said...

F-yeah

Anonymous said...

cyclocross is the best kind of cycling.

Anonymous said...

Did you people even read the post before commenting?

O'Bama said...

hope for top ten ?

gaahl said...

your moms

Enhancement Smoker said...

Looks like that guy in the video got ahold of that marijuana delivery person before he recorded himself..."mmm, that's the sweet smoke."

I don't get free tubes or anything, but it used to be that we could call a certain pizza delivery company and request a certain driver and a big bag of weed would show up with the pie. Those were the days.

Bella said...

I love the seatpost gasket. Everyone should buy one, why spend $.0002 on 2 inches of electrician's tape to mark the height when you can spend $5 on a gasket specially designed for seatposts? This device is much needed and I'm glad "The secret website" is making available such important technology.

While you're buying these don't forget to also buy Sheldon Brown's Supperleggero Ball Bearings - they're hollow and self-lubricating!

I need to start a highly-successful bicycle blog for the free tubes, "secret websites", and of course the throngs of groupies tossing panties at me as I ride to work every morning. (Not being insulted at the LBS is just the icing on the cake.)

bother yam said...

That guy in the video is like one of those people that talk to themselves on the bus. Same stream of unconsciousness, he's just milder and has access to the internet.

I feel stupider for watching 30 seconds of that guy...

Colin R said...

the only thing more awesome than the bsnyc exclusive is that cxmagazine also has an exclusive with "sandbagger auction dude"

AH said...

No Snob, I'm hoping for this as the future of bike TV:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LecuaakMNbk

BikeSnobNYC said...

AH,

Now that's salesmanship.

--BSNYC

Scott said...

That video was hilarious, but I still couldn't watch it all. After about two minutes, I was still laughing but just had to turn it off because I was falling asleep at the same time.

Cycle Ninja said...

Sorry, Snob; you're not the only one in on the secret handshake. I also can't reveal the name of my special website, but I find it really enhances my performance, if you take my meaning.

Anonymous said...

I watched 1 minute of Opinionated Cyclist and then switched him to background noise. I can't figure out if the guy is really dumb or really smart. Do any of you in Spartanburg know this guy?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 11:35,
Of course you can not read the entry and also finish on the podium. You have to scroll down to the end of the entry, look to see if there have been any comments yet, post your triumph, then go back and read the entry. If you take the time to read the entry first, you are toast, guaranteed.

Anonymous said...

Anon 11:35 and wishiwasmerckx,
Of course you cannot read the entry and also finish on the podium. You have to scroll down to the end of the entry, look to see if there have been any comments yet, post your triumph, then decide if you are actually going to read the entry or go find another blog to comment-race on. If you subscribe to this method, you are a douche bag, guaranteed.

And there is your obligatory douche bag comment for today.

Anonymous said...

Chapeau, Bike Snob! I can't believe the awesome privileges you get as a cycling celebrity. I would grovel in your slipstream if I could!

FunkyLaneO said...

That dude on the video reminds me of Vernon Florida.

Anonymous said...

I stole three drops of my wife's fingernail polish to mark my seat post, and another two drops to mark my handlebar position.

It's a pretty complicated procedure, so my recommendation is to take some fingernail polish down to your local bike shop and have them do it for you.

If that is still too much, then go ahead and buy Nashbar's XL midnite black condom and snip the end off it. For a little extra, you can get the professional mechanic featured in AH's youtube video to install it with her mouth.

Massingil said...

Podium!

No, there's your douche comment.

AnnaZed said...

Re: Annon 12:53

Judi, see what I mean - sigh.

Luis G. said...

Warning: Do not; I repeat, do not eat a banana while reading BSN posts or your monitor will suffer the consequences and you co-workers will think you're nuts...

Anonymous said...

whats the difference between record and super record and C-record?

Bobbo said...

The Opinionated Cyclist's ramble on Vino was worth waiting for..."I don't know what happened to him"..."Why would he retire at the peak of his career"...man, no buses going by his house...

Anonymous said...

"whaaa, we can't make the podium"

Harden the fruck up!

Yes I read the post, clicked a few links and even listened to :37 of that utoob shite monger.

Train harder, focus power, and someday you can move up to our hours-category level of championship comment racing.

This is UCI sanctioned so please, dudes, Bread & Water only.

Love,

Anonymous Podium Placerios de Cyclist Internationalones

a double take said...

I always wondered what Snob looked like... he is thinner than I thought he would... I like the grizzled guy on the geared bike better in the faked photograph...
it was kinda shocking to see the video...

and worse... now I will always read this column in the voice and meter of this video revelation of BSNYC's identity...

Anonymous said...

Tough guys dont say "fruck".

AnnaZed said...

Is it me or when I click on:

http://cxmagazine.com/

is there pretty much only a blank page?

Anonymous said...

It's just you.

Gabriel said...

Snob,

Please, please, please tell me that that is you in the video. If only that could be you alter ego and the secret behind your secret identity. It would make everything mean so much more - the absolute best punch line of all.

mr.complaint said...

I like the OpinionatedCyclist for the same reason that I like Snob. He knows SO MUCH about bike parts, just like everybody else. He's even entertaining.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 12:49,
If you read another cycling-related blog, you are a loser, and an unfaithful one at that.

OpenYourEyes said...

I made it through all 9:58 of that nitwit and then I realized who the nitwit was: ME

At first I thought that video was of Snob. I then realized my error when he said he had nothing to complain about during his ride. With Snob, there is always something to complain about...

Jim said...

Yep. I have to agree. Once you're featured in Cyclocross, The Magazine, you've really made it.

Ps. Snob, I'm not too keen on you sharing the word about The Secret Websty, but if you can share then certainly your readers should know about my new Secret Source for Cereal Jerseys... Rumor has it I'm going to be invited to beta test their new line of Mild Laxative Brand Jerseys, and their Adult Lined Undergarment Chamois Bib Tights (which will be marketed under the Joonallyson/Dependsas brand name).

Jim said...

Oh yeah, and I know that Opinionated Cyclist actually drives a stationwagon, not a bike. How? Because it's just not possible to carry an unconscious prostitute, a shovel and a bottle of chloroform across town on the back of your Trek 2700. Not without a *really* big Carradice bag, anyhow.

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Snob,

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bikeslob 80220 said...

Dammit...I can't wait to get home and check the aesthetics of the seat post/seattube junctions on all of my bikes. This has been bothering me all day now.

Anonymous said...

I think there is something amiss with rambling cyclist guy.

Take another look at the apocalyptic alpaca and imagine it eating a bunch of peanuts out of the jar while rambling about vests and retired cyclists. The resemblance is a bit creepy...

...and sinister.

JPB

JimmyNick said...

I'm not usually the compassionate type, but that dude in the vid -- it's just sad, man. Maybe he got struck by lightning. I feel bad for him.

Sakkis said...

Is it me, or does that guy look exactly like a real life doug from Nickelodeon???

xRideVeganx said...

Is there a race for last comment?

Last!

Hahahaha Im an idiot...
I have the craziest bus driver right now! Scared for my life!

I have to admit, I got special treatment because I was a girl on a track bike who knew a thing or two about being a girl on a track bike. Now I get special treatment because I have a brace on and a gnar scar.

Boz said...

Since I work in the auto industry, I'm going to publish a blog featuring all of the "secret" warranties the companies don't want you to know about. I may have to hire security. Maybe Prolly's crew.

BTW, do they sell those green reflective vests athe insider's web sites. If so, are the coupons good for those big sellers ?

Jen said...

I just want to know where he bought his helmet.

db said...

I want to know where he bought the wig...

SkidMark said...

Anon 12:53p
You STOLE a total of 5 drops of nail polish from your wife? Dude, do you have a DEATH WISH? If I got caught stealing nail polish from my wife, I would WISH it was only a chick's beak poking me in the crotch!

yonk said...

Yes, that Opinionated Cyclist is f'ing ace. Charismatic and mesmerizing. That’s a star, baby.

Need to drink & eat, even while filming your short bit? No worries. Crunch away, brother. It all adds to your appeal.

sprider said...

Opinionated cyclist, as we say 'round here, "No brains, no headaches". Your hit numbers must have really thrown you for a loop after today.

How do you find these guys Snob? Is there a special "Lame Cyclist Dude" password?

Mark said...

So we finally know what snobbie looks like! Nice YouTube Video although I could only stand about 25 seconds of that.

Anonymous said...

Snob
Thanks for sharing the video. That's 10 minutes of my life I'll never get back!! You rat bastard!

commiecanuk said...

I got nuthin'.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Funkylaneo, "and this one's got about an eleven inch beard" I'm also getting a little of the coroner in Grizzly Man. I hope he is for real, he rocks.

Bella said...

Okay... I rode a metric century my first year on a bike in 15 years.

I just watched that entire video, start to finsih and I think I was able to stay awake for most of it.

I've eaten an entire bag of trail mix (or is that Cracker Jack?) and drank a whole liter of orange juice.

Once I even waved to a passing cyclist.

I'm pretty sure that now qualifies me as a "serious cyclist" or something. Where's my friggin' jersey... I officially call podium Monday. First person to call it from me is a poseur and I hope everyone tell them they are.

That's right... I'm the Lance of blog-podium. I'm on it before you even get a friggin' chance.

Anonymous said...

Skidmark: If my wife ever finds out I am a dead man. That's why I take five drops, tops. Seriously.

And thank god for anonymous posting (unless Dick Cheney blows my cover).

Anonymous said...

BS
Longtime reader, firstime commenter. A little nervous here, I just wanted to say that the talking head cyclist is brilliant. By far the most boring video I have ever seen in my entire life. Where are the other videos that he alludes to? I going to need them the next time I am clinically depressed.
--Mark the Spark

leroy said...

Oh dear.

That bike messinger on the secret website isn't wearing a helmet.

Good Lord, BSNYC, I never figured you would promote an irresponsible website.

But I confess, several weeks ago in Prospect Park, two guys roll alongside me and one asks where I got my tights because he's looking for a baggier set of tights.

Well of course I pointed him toward the secret web site.

It was the least I could do.

I mean, in winter. tights, it's pointless to invite someone to draft you and then relieve yourself.

bikeslob 80220 said...

$50 for an 80's Schwinn Traveler? Sounds like a fair deal to me. Dry rotted tires? No big deal - you can pick some 27" tires at Performance Bike for $10 each. How 'bout $50 for just the WHEELS off an 80's Schwinn Traveler? No, you don't get the rest of the bike, silly.

http://denver.craigslist.org/bik/614226198.html

Anonymous said...

Leroy wins

Anonymous said...

Biker, Walker. Classic - video is worth all 10 mins.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

I swear, you couldn't write that shit if you tried.

I never said...

They sell those seat post rubber things at my local adult shop. They did not say they were to put round a seat post, sounds painful.

SkidMark said...

Anon 10:01p
I think you're safe. If Dick Cheney reveals your identity, he'll probably blow Snob's cover as well, and then the entire free world will be in peril.

Anonymous said...

Hup, Hup, Hup...

Anonymous said...

Sadly, Anon 10:01's wife has a key-logger on his PCs - never trust a cyclist: chicks in lycra and sports bras (with little else), no wonder we ride.

Nick said...

I have this strange urge to drink OJ out of the carton and chew with my mouth open. He's gonna freak when he see's he got more that 4 hits on this one.

Nick

John B said...

We all failed th mention the obvious. Snobby posted on a day that most banks / schools / state employees typically are closed. Guess we need to start a new theory on his employment. Then again, maybe it's only the bible belt states that use good friday as a holiday.

Anonymous said...

Best "Opinionated Cyclist" Video:

Look, he's taking us into his private life. We get to see inside his house, his love of Levi, his cat, his bike, what kind of bottles he uses...

And best of all... he's topless.

Beat that BSNYC.

yonk said...

Oh, Yes! The "Opinionated Cyclist" keeps on giving. Thank you.

A carrot this time? Crunch away, brother.

Anonymous said...

I don't know about you guys, but I'm jonesing for a Fixed-gear Apocalypse update! Two weeks and I don't know the going rate for Pistas!

record10ti said...

ShitmaNO blows no matter how you cut it.

Nick said...

I worked on Good Friday at my temporary Federal gig.

Nick

Anonymous said...

To see another lunatic cyclist video, check out drunkcyclist.com and look for an old video with Tucson's Gray Wolf. He has a $16,000 bike that he cant ride uphill.
As to the snob's identity, one of you who races in NYC should be able to figure it out-
he races-
he admits he isn't a very good racer-

That should narrow the field to maybe two or three people in the NYC racing scene.

Anonymous said...

Dear bikesnobnyc:
we all know that the opinionated cyclist really is YOU!!!

bikesgonewild said...

...bikesnob is "an" opinionated cyclist, yes, but he's not "the opinionated cyclist" which i think is kinda obvious...
...nobody is THAT good at subterfuge...

...that being said, i look at that 9min & 58sec as not being wasted moments of my life, so much as time donated to a needy cause i wasn't planning on 'giving' to...

...i kept waiting for a punchline until i realized that "it" was the joke & we were all the punchline for watching "it"...
...dammit snob...

Anonymous said...

does anyone else think the opinionated cyclist is Michael Barry?

agentdetroit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

shameless? without sham?

agentdetroit said...

bsnyc=shameless shill

bikesgonewild said...

...sam the sham & the pharaohs...wooly bully !!!...
...now we're rockin'...

Anonymous said...

That Opie ni-ated syke-list was DA BOMB.
He ate, like, two bags of cheetos there I think. Whatta waste of good audio. The dude needs to get his brain jumpstarted or something. Maybe he does smoke too much weed. How he keeps from falling over during his ride, asleep, is beyond me.
Snobbie, how do you find such gems? Is that your Texas brother trying to compete with your audience?

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