Worst of Craigslist: Weird Weather Bike Love

Here in New York we're finally coming off a stretch of unusually warm winter weather. All over town this past week, fair-weather cyclists liberated their bicycles from basements and storage units, inflated their tires at gas stations, and took to the streets. And because their hormones were duped into thinking it was spring, these riders also awkwardly tried and failed to mate with each-other. As usual, the gristly evidence of these attempts is on Craigslist "Missed Connections," without so much as some police tape to warn you of the carnage. Here's what happens when mild people and mild weather collide:

bburg bridge, blonde boy on bike took pictures of me blowing bubbles - w4m - 21 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/mis/534275056.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-10, 1:31AM EST

it was may and i was the platinum girl blowing bubbles with a friend. you got off of your bike and took a bunch of pictures of us. we were talking about it today and wanted to see them. could you send them my way?



So evocative was the warm weather that people suddenly remembered encounters they had in May. And so cartoonishly stupid is Williamsburg that the bridge that leads to it is actually lined with human bubble machines, like a portal to an alternative dimension of idiocy. If you've never been to Williamsburg, just imagine a real-world Myspace with a Fixedgeargallery overlay. When you cross the Williamsburg Bridge with its graffiti and flyers you get the same feeling you do when you enter a teenager's bedroom. I can only imagine the impromptu photo shoot that ensued when this guy got off his fixed-gear and started snapping away like David Hemmings in Blow-Up. It was surely an orgy of vanity. I don't think this particular bubble blower should hold out much hope, though. May was a long time ago, and he probably realized almost immediately that actual bubble machines have more personality and less predilection for getting embarrassingly drunk at dive bars.

Helped with your bicycle - m4w - 37 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/mis/535220496.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-10, 10:10PM EST

Hey there, I helped get your bike loaded on the bicycle rack. I was the guy from San Francisco who stopped and helped set up the rack.
I hope it stayed on. If you would like to get together for coffee or tea, send me an email. Cheers


New York can be irritating enough without well-meaning San Franciscans wandering around trying to help people like sprout-nibbling, peanut milk-sipping superheroes. There is nothing more annoying than unsolicited assistance, and I'm sure this woman was doing just fine before this guy, buzzing from an organic lunch, fair-trade coffee, and his own smugness, butted in, removed his fleece vest, rolled up his sleeves, and insisted on helping so as to establish this shoddy pretext for an introduction. "Hi! Having trouble with your bike rack? I can help you. I'm from San Francisco. We know racks because we love bikes and we especially love hauling them on our environmentally-friendly hybrid automobiles!" And to top it all off, he closes his post with "Cheers." Americans who say "Cheers" really need to know how stupid they sound. They need to be locked in a room with people who yell, "On your left!," people who say, "At this point in time," and Midwesterners who use Yiddish expressions, and made to listen to themselves. That should be enough to get them all to stop.


beautiful mountian man.... - w4m - 24 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/mis/536947673.html]
Reply to: [deleted)
Date: 2008-01-12, 3:25PM EST

dear burly scarf clad mountain man,

i saw you riding your bike through the treacherous streets of brooklyn and i gasped at your beauty and manly grace as you weaved through the ice and cars. you made my heart go pitter patter. i was astonished by your choice in maroon sweaters with elbow patches since this too is my favorite color. maybe we can share a bike ride and hot cup of co-co by the fire on my bear skin rug. CALL ME.

your bashful brunette

Semi-fictional frontiersman Jeremiah Johnson?

Or bearded comedian Zach Galifianakis?



Walk your dogs down 12th - w4m - 23 (East Village) [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/537473554.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-13, 3:08AM EST

i always see you walking your dogs late at night down 12th street. you asked me for a cigarette. you have a cool bike and cool dogs.

Ah yes--two moronic ships of cool passing in the night. Perhaps one day you will meet and discover all the mutual cool things you have in common: cool sneakers; cool bars; cool friends. Maybe he'll even teach you to ride a fixie. You'll revel in each-other's coolness for awhile, and then things will get uncool when you come home one night, his cool bike is in the hallway, and he's in bed with your roommate.

saw you stopping on your bike and taking a photograph of the sky. - m4w - 25 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/mis/538006543.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-13, 5:32PM EST

You were biking through prospect park. You stopped and took a photograph of the sky. I was walking by and we both smiled at each other. I think we were both a little shy and awkward and didn't know what to say, so we just kept going our ways.

if you see this email me, i wanted to talk...

Riding in Prospect Park can be sketchy enough without people suddenly stopping and taking photographs of the goddamn sky. I'd also advise this guy to avoid this woman, lest he want to consign himself to a lifetime of neck-craning and picking out clouds that look like animals. In fact, he already got a reply:

re: saw you stopping on your bike and taking a photograph of the sky. - m4w [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/mis/538224711.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-13, 9:30PM EST

maybe this is who you saw, but i think you are looking for a girl and this is a guy: davidhorvitz.com/2008_sky.html

sorry, maybe he knows?

Intrigued, I followed the link, and found it led to the page of someone who promises the following:

"I WILL SEND YOU A PHOTOGRAPH OF THE SKY FOR EVERYDAY IN 2008."

Now that sounds like a great service. In fact, he should offer a deluxe version, where he also includes a photo of his breakfast, and every three weeks or so he mails you an envelope full of his toenail clippings. Now that would be useful!