Monday, January 14, 2008

Worst of Craigslist: Weird Weather Bike Love

Here in New York we're finally coming off a stretch of unusually warm winter weather. All over town this past week, fair-weather cyclists liberated their bicycles from basements and storage units, inflated their tires at gas stations, and took to the streets. And because their hormones were duped into thinking it was spring, these riders also awkwardly tried and failed to mate with each-other. As usual, the gristly evidence of these attempts is on Craigslist "Missed Connections," without so much as some police tape to warn you of the carnage. Here's what happens when mild people and mild weather collide:

bburg bridge, blonde boy on bike took pictures of me blowing bubbles - w4m - 21 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/mis/534275056.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-10, 1:31AM EST

it was may and i was the platinum girl blowing bubbles with a friend. you got off of your bike and took a bunch of pictures of us. we were talking about it today and wanted to see them. could you send them my way?




So evocative was the warm weather that people suddenly remembered encounters they had in May. And so cartoonishly stupid is Williamsburg that the bridge that leads to it is actually lined with human bubble machines, like a portal to an alternative dimension of idiocy. If you've never been to Williamsburg, just imagine a real-world Myspace with a Fixedgeargallery overlay. When you cross the Williamsburg Bridge with its graffiti and flyers you get the same feeling you do when you enter a teenager's bedroom. I can only imagine the impromptu photo shoot that ensued when this guy got off his fixed-gear and started snapping away like David Hemmings in Blow-Up. It was surely an orgy of vanity. I don't think this particular bubble blower should hold out much hope, though. May was a long time ago, and he probably realized almost immediately that actual bubble machines have more personality and less predilection for getting embarrassingly drunk at dive bars.

Helped with your bicycle - m4w - 37 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/mis/535220496.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-10, 10:10PM EST

Hey there, I helped get your bike loaded on the bicycle rack. I was the guy from San Francisco who stopped and helped set up the rack.
I hope it stayed on. If you would like to get together for coffee or tea, send me an email. Cheers



New York can be irritating enough without well-meaning San Franciscans wandering around trying to help people like sprout-nibbling, peanut milk-sipping superheroes. There is nothing more annoying than unsolicited assistance, and I'm sure this woman was doing just fine before this guy, buzzing from an organic lunch, fair-trade coffee, and his own smugness, butted in, removed his fleece vest, rolled up his sleeves, and insisted on helping so as to establish this shoddy pretext for an introduction. "Hi! Having trouble with your bike rack? I can help you. I'm from San Francisco. We know racks because we love bikes and we especially love hauling them on our environmentally-friendly hybrid automobiles!" And to top it all off, he closes his post with "Cheers." Americans who say "Cheers" really need to know how stupid they sound. They need to be locked in a room with people who yell, "On your left!," people who say, "At this point in time," and Midwesterners who use Yiddish expressions, and made to listen to themselves. That should be enough to get them all to stop.


beautiful mountian man.... - w4m - 24 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/mis/536947673.html]
Reply to: [deleted)
Date: 2008-01-12, 3:25PM EST

dear burly scarf clad mountain man,

i saw you riding your bike through the treacherous streets of brooklyn and i gasped at your beauty and manly grace as you weaved through the ice and cars. you made my heart go pitter patter. i was astonished by your choice in maroon sweaters with elbow patches since this too is my favorite color. maybe we can share a bike ride and hot cup of co-co by the fire on my bear skin rug. CALL ME.

your bashful brunette



Semi-fictional frontiersman Jeremiah Johnson?



Or bearded comedian Zach Galifianakis?



Walk your dogs down 12th - w4m - 23 (East Village) [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/537473554.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-13, 3:08AM EST

i always see you walking your dogs late at night down 12th street. you asked me for a cigarette. you have a cool bike and cool dogs.


Ah yes--two moronic ships of cool passing in the night. Perhaps one day you will meet and discover all the mutual cool things you have in common: cool sneakers; cool bars; cool friends. Maybe he'll even teach you to ride a fixie. You'll revel in each-other's coolness for awhile, and then things will get uncool when you come home one night, his cool bike is in the hallway, and he's in bed with your roommate.

saw you stopping on your bike and taking a photograph of the sky. - m4w - 25 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/mis/538006543.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-13, 5:32PM EST

You were biking through prospect park. You stopped and took a photograph of the sky. I was walking by and we both smiled at each other. I think we were both a little shy and awkward and didn't know what to say, so we just kept going our ways.

if you see this email me, i wanted to talk...



Riding in Prospect Park can be sketchy enough without people suddenly stopping and taking photographs of the goddamn sky. I'd also advise this guy to avoid this woman, lest he want to consign himself to a lifetime of neck-craning and picking out clouds that look like animals. In fact, he already got a reply:

re: saw you stopping on your bike and taking a photograph of the sky. - m4w [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/mis/538224711.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-13, 9:30PM EST

maybe this is who you saw, but i think you are looking for a girl and this is a guy: davidhorvitz.com/2008_sky.html

sorry, maybe he knows?

Intrigued, I followed the link, and found it led to the page of someone who promises the following:

"I WILL SEND YOU A PHOTOGRAPH OF THE SKY FOR EVERYDAY IN 2008."

Now that sounds like a great service. In fact, he should offer a deluxe version, where he also includes a photo of his breakfast, and every three weeks or so he mails you an envelope full of his toenail clippings. Now that would be useful!

99 comments:

numero uno said...

boo yah!

Anonymous said...

close

Sprocketboy said...

The blowing snow today should cool down all those raging hormones.

erik k said...

beards are scary

meenamade said...

finally! i can start my day.

Jeffro said...

This outfit is making my nuts 'rageous.

Anonymous said...

Who says you need to fall in love with the person on the bike?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm


jsw47

Anonymous said...

the complete link

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

OpenYourEyes said...

There should be a contest for the renaming of CL's "missed connections"

1. "lonely gibberish"

2. "cries for help"

3. "look at this really sad, pathetic shit"

Any other suggestions?

Kevan said...

"i was the platinum girl blowing bubbles with a friend. you got off of your bike and took a bunch of pictures of us."

Voyeurism? Tag-team clown fellatio? Perhaps there's more to this posting than you imagined, BSNYC.

http://tinyurl.com/2s9qx2

M. Weed said...

I agree about the "cheers" thing. Although I think "on your left!" is more of a defense mechanism so that the 55-year-old couple in front of you will temporarily stop riding two abreast on their Huffys and weaving all over the trail at 7 mph.

Anonymous said...

Cheering Matt in Seattle,

I was gloating on that one, until I read the "on your left". As a Burke running, I appreciate the "on your left". Therefor, I say it.

M. Weed said...

Oh and p.s., 11th is the new first.

"These comments go to 11!"

cogsxxxtreme said...

Well, a woman who'll kiss on the very first date
Is usually a hussy
And a woman who'll kiss on the second time out
Is anything but fussy
But a woman who'll wait till the third time around
Head in the clouds, feet on the ground
She's the girl he's glad he's found
She's his Shipoopi

Shipoopi! Shipoopi, Shipoopi
The girl who's hard to get!
Shipoopi. Shipoopi, Shipoopi
But you can win her yet.

Walk her once just to raise the curtain
Then you walk around twice and make for certain
Once more in the flower garden
She will never get sore if you beg her pardon

Do re me fa so la si
Do si la sol fa mi re do

Squeeze her once, when she isn't lookin'
If you get a squeeze back that's fancy cookin'
Once more for a pepper-upper
She will never get sore on her way to supper

Do re me fa sol la si
Do si do

Now little ol' Sal was a no-gal
As anyone could see
Lookit her now, she's a go-gal
Who only goes for me

Squeeze her once when she isn't lookin'
If you get a squeeze back, that's fancy cookin'
Once more for a pepper-upper
She will never get sore on her way to supper

Do re me fa sol la si
Do si do

Shipoopi, Shipoopi, Shipoopi
The girl who's hard to get
Shipoopi. Shipoopi, Shipoopi
But you can win her yet

Shipoopi

nikolaus901 said...

Granted it must not be easy to write well as consistently as you do, criticizing people's amorous shortcomings (which I think are pretty ubiquitous) only makes you seem like that bitter acne-ridden kid you were in high school. And the passing references to bicycles made in these posts don't put them well into your realm of authority.

I do, however, agree that Americans who say "Cheers!" should in so doing immediately surrender all of their basic human rights.

that guy said...

Snap!

Coggie is so hot right now.

Tsssss

Cleveland, Ohio said...

Hey BSYNC! Cheers, hope you had a great weekend!

Jim said...

Y'know, those are cute, but like typical Craigslist 'encounters' posters, they are too full of themselves and too longwinded (I should know). Each plea could be shortened, and its original meaning made more clear. for instance:

bburg bridge, blonde boy on bike took pictures of me blowing bubbles

Translation: You're hot. Bubbles aren't the only thing I like to blow. Call me.


Helped with your bicycle - m4w - 37

2 the girl I helped loading bikes - I noticed you have a really nice rack. I am wayyy into that. Call me.


beautiful mountian man.... - w4m - 24

I have fantasies about making it with a grizzly bear. Or a hippie. Or Methusaleh. Call me.

Walk your dogs down 12th - w4m - 23

I have fantasies about playing nurse to an aging hipster with lung cancer, emphysema, and a big oxygen bottle dragged along in a Nashbar bike trailer towed behind your Pista. Coughing fits make me *really* hot. Call me.

saw you stopping on your bike and taking a photograph of the sky. - m4w - 25

I thought I was the only person who dropped acid while riding my fixed gear. Your weirdness makes me hot. Or maybe it's the peyote I took just before logging on to Craigslist. Either way, call me.

re: saw you stopping on your bike and taking a photograph of the sky. - m4w

Hey, you sound like a sucker. Send me your email address and I'll send you a picture of the sky every single day. With me naked in the foreground.

BikeSnobNYC said...

nikolaus901,

You mean I don't usually sound bitter?!?

--BSNYC

nolucker said...

I saw you yesterday on Ocean Parkway, yes I did

Anonymous said...

i doubt very much that the helpful san franciscan was sipping on free-trade coffee.

meenamade said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bluenoser said...

Thank God for Snob. If I ever manage to go out and get a passport, now that I'll need one to visit the country next door. I'll know what I won't be saying.

-B

nikolaus901 said...

Of course you do. But a more informed kind of bitter (:

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:58pm,

You're absolutely right of course.

--BSNYC

mr.complaint said...

The fact of the matter is that I feel your pain.

Love your show.

Karl Rover said...

Snob,

Why bash us west coasters? While I know we appear smug, if you spent some time out here you would understand why. Just ask Kyle and his family (from South Park), they loved SF.

Karl Rover

urchin said...

Snob, you usually sound bitter, but this one's a about a nine on the tension meter, Klopeck. Yeah, I know--we just had a rare sunny pleasant day in Seattle yesterday too, and I was out of my mind to discover the local trail system crammed to June levels with Schwinns and oblivious cell phone riders and talkers. I feel your pain. I'm diggin' the scowl.

Gotta weigh in on 'on your left' though (maybe it's a west coast thing). You can always translate it in your mind as 'please don't blow your nose on me as I pass, Floyd.' Somehow I find bells more annoying. Even though they are probably a better solution (you don't have to specify direction or reveal your hauteur--unless of course you have a Rivendell special, of course). Something very Pee Wee Herman about the incessant bell.

Back to the rain and the dead ender bikers, at least for now...

Dirt Monkey said...

on yer left bitter man

bikenerd said...

Although your posts are usually a paradigm of syntax and articulation, I can't help but wonder if 'gristly', you actually could have meant 'grisly'. You may also have meant 'grizzly'. All three words are contextually accurate, just for entirely different reasons.

And Kevan, 'tag-team clown fellatio'? I think your ready for your own blog!

bikenerd

G said...

BSNYC,

Don't you think, considering the number of terrible riders out there, many of whom are on fixed gears, that the "On Your Left!" is a necessary evil?

Anonymous said...

Really nothing wrong with a polite "on your left" for everybody's safety.

BikeSnobNYC said...

bikenerd,

I make more than my share of mistakes. I did mean "grisly," but I will let the error stand as a testament to my lack of circumspection.

Anonymous 1:33pm and others,

An "on your left" is certainly warranted now and again but more often than not it seems to be shouted wantonly by overzealous people on hybrids. It's almost like yelling, "I'm on a bike!," or "I'm wearing sneakers!" More often than not I didn't need to know.

--BSNYC

let me esplain said...

"On your left" is a necessary evil in places where there are a high concentration of "ftu's" (first time user). They usually come out when the weather is warm and they have made their new year's resolution to get fit. The normal commuting lanes are crowded with ftu's and the shouting of "ON YOUR LEFT!" has the pleasant effect of making sure the ftu's become otu's (one time user).

chefesque said...

I am with bikenerd with the on your left being a necessary evil. BSNYC as a regular rider of the Brooklyn Bridge, you of all people should know the essesential nature of the "On your left" is in keeping some semblance of room to ride in. Otherwise your front tire gets an intimate encounter with some unwitting tourist's camel toe.

Nathan said...

Even more annoying than the condescending "on your lefts", I'd want to include the pack-fill that yell helpful bits of information continuously during races.

"Gravel!!!"
"Slowing!!!"
"Speeding up!!!"
"Thinking about puppies!!!"

erik k said...

I think an fog horn (the kind for boats= really really loud) would probably be much more effective and comical for that matter

Dan K said...

BSNYC – Enlighten me, what’s the cause for the diss to the call of “on your left”? When tooling along on my lugged steel 1960’s English singlespeed/fixie conversion, pretending that I ride that bike because I’m cool and not because I can’t afford a proper 4 figure road bike without interfering with my mountain bike habit or my mortgage, I often have other cyclists call out “On your left”. I appreciate this for several reasons:
1) It lets me know which side they are passing me on, so that I can salmon-flop myself in the other direction as opposed to into their path. This saves me the need to pick up myself, my bike, the other rider and all the pieces of carbon fiber that used to be the other riders bike.
2) If I’m feeling especially beat, it lets me know which side my tow vehicle will pass on, so that I may lasso them effectively and get a tow back to society.
OK, so it may not be several, but 2 is enough.

I’d give the same courtesy shout myself, but I don’t usually pass people that are young enough to still have functioning hearing. Besides, I’m too busy gasping for air and turning purple to make any sounds besides the ragged gasping I’m already making.

leroy said...

I dunno, BSNYC, I think the warm weather has made you mellow.

Heck, there was a time when you would have been less sympathetic to those poor folks posting on Craigslist.

Anyway, I thought it was pretty durn good.

Jim -- nice precis of the posts.

Nathan -- puppies? Where? Oh wait, never mind. Dang, I have trouble focusing sometimes.

Anonymous said...

sprout-nibbling, peanut milk-sipping superheroes.

Awesome!
-Cheers
-Fw

PsyclePathlete said...

ON YOUR LEFT means Get OUTA MY WAY!

Judi said...

Thanks for the laugh!!!

Commiecanuk said...

Craigslist true love. WTF people, do you not go to bars like our forefathers and mothers did? Do these people not know the positive effects of mating with beer goggles?

Snobby, I didn't see a photo credit for that sky pic, it looks an awful like a sky pic I did years ago. My lawyers will be in contact.

BTW, that was me photographing the sky, I was practicing the angle for shooting up skirts in Central park...then our eyes met...

Dr. Martin Van Nostrand said...

BSNYC:

"I WILL SEND YOU A PHOTOGRAPH OF MY ASS FOR EVERYDAY IN 2008."

Osterburgerboy said...

Word on that "Cheers" point. I work with a bunch of brits. They're all cunts and they all say "cheers."

bikesgonewild said...

..."an orgy of vanity"...an eloquent & perhaps in so many ways, the most appropriate turn of phrase you've ever utilized on this site...

...believe me, i cast the first stone in my own direction, of course...

...i chose the ubiquitous "on your left" years ago, because "get out of the middle of the fucking path, moron" seemed for some reason to upset the morons who would ride, stand & talk or walk their dogs, where else, but in the middle of the fucking path...

...i considered it nothing more than sound traffic advice & perhaps a reference to a diminishing mental capacity on the part of other path users, but hey, i admit to wallowing in a orgy of vanity...

urchin said...

let me esplain 1:53PM:

Your post fits better with the theme of last Monday's discussion...

others: thanks for the comments on 'on your left', I now feel sufficiently cool to go on warning people on the bike trail that I'm about to run over their schnauzer.

bikenerd said...

"chefesque said...

I am with bikenerd with the on your left being a necessary evil."

Pardon me, chefesque, but it wasn't me. It was one of the many 'anonymous' posters. Although could all be the same guy, I just don't know. But I agree, I definitely prefer a polite 'on your left' over one of my riding friend's urgent Incredibell flogging. Not that anyone ever passes me anyway . . .

KALAVANKA TRUMP said...

maybe a quick cold snap will kill off these "nygirlofmydreams.com" pansies before they can get back to their burrows..

broomie said...

I'm still not clear on a few things:

Clown fellatio: Is it clown on clown, clown on human or human on clown or all three? If its clown on human where do I find the right kind of clown?

Is Shipoopi the name of the girl or, something you do to take your relationship to the next step? (its frightening that I'm starting to look forward to coggs' rhymes)

When you yell "on your left!" do you do it when you're right next to them or just after you've passed them and are flipping them off?

Cameron said...

It's funny to me that everyone has to defend their use of the "On your left" as if to justify it.

It was a joke.

Don't take it so personally.

I prefer the trusty "Speed up or get the fuck off my road, bitch!"

let me esplain said...

urchin-

"on your schnauzer!" will surely relegate the ftu's to otu's, and the salmon will become dinner!

Maybe part of a Rivendale get up would be a cattle guard for the front of the monstrously heavy commuter bike line. That way all the salmon and ftu's will be easily and safely swept aside!

Anonymous said...

My only problem with "On your left" shouts is that it's usually shouted as a brag as in: "Move it slowpoke, there's real bikers on this path!"

Even worse is that it's usually a 10-year old on a little BMX with training wheels.

Damn kids!

Fred Clydesdale said...

here's an on-your-left story i can't believe actually happened. one afternoon i was walking down the sidewalk and heard "on your left!". i turned around half expecting the usual weekend bikie only to see a JOGGER, complete with the whole food belt/ipod/wrist wallet thing. who calls out "on your left" to jog past on the sidewalk? especially when it's a widewalk with grass on either side?

Anonymous said...

On the track we yell "STAY" but the majority of the hipsters on "track bikes" have never been on a track so if you say that to them (and I tried a couple of times thinking they would get a kick out of it) they look over their left shoulder all confused meanwhile drifting into you.

I gave up on that on went back to "On your left" and then under my breath I usually utter something like "loser, we don't have couriers in Southern California so who exactly are you trying to be?"

K-Ro said...

Dan K, 1:58 - Man, that's one annoying post.

I don't care what kind of bike you ride and, aside from that, isnt bragging about an English-welded bike kind of like hyping the virtue of Canadian swimwear? Sure, it's out there, but its been done much better somewhere else, much more often.

Bluenoser said...

Does that Stay command come with a leash and collar followed with a yank and a Sit command as you pass?

We have swimwear?

Daniel! said...

Granted it must not be easy to write well as consistently as you do, criticizing people's amorous shortcomings (which I think are pretty ubiquitous) only makes you seem like that bitter acne-ridden kid you were in high school. And the passing references to bicycles made in these posts don't put them well into your realm of authority.

Yeah, word, because your unnecessarily grandiose style doesn't make you sound like an acne'd-out teenager preparing for his SATs.

I think this is one of the funniest posts yet. I've never read a better description of Williamsburg.

cogxxxtreme said...

Yo, on your left is where I be, Right here that be Me, the only true Cog wit da x leading to da treme, CogS come original cause ya cant be me, ah shit see dat irony?
droped a quote form a soul wit cold, but son ya best do what ya told, cant be me, never gonna be, so step back and respect, let me pass on da left.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

There is only one Cogxxxtreme.

The man is an artist.

Accept no substitutes.

Now excuse me, Michael Ball called and I have to explain that lamé on lycra is still just lame even with the accent.

Walrus Endo said...

Blogger cogxxxtreme said...

Yo, on your left is where I be, Right here that be Me, the only true Cog wit da x leading to da treme, CogS come original cause ya cant be me, ah shit see dat irony?
droped a quote form a soul wit cold, but son ya best do what ya told, cant be me, never gonna be, so step back and respect, let me pass on da left.

January 14, 2008 3:43 PM

What dimension am I in?

leroy said...

Walrus endo

Some folks have been trying to draft on cogxxxtreme's identity. But what he does ain't as easy as he makes it look.

As to what dimension you're in ... can't help you there.

Locating things isn't my strong suit.

Heck, I ride a bike because they're easier to find than car keys.

Ld said...

"On your left!" is lost on a lot of people: those who hear the word "left" and move to the left; those who are in their own little world and slow down and look around in a daze, swerving this way and that; and those with ipods/cell phones/hearing problems ..
that said, I still haven't figured out the best way to make everyone get out of my way. clearly they don't realize who I am and how important my trajectory is.

Anonymous said...

re: San Franciscan, I can't help visualizing this guy:

http://www.grist.org/comments/interactivist/2006/01/09/spencer/

I would love an Xtracycle, but I would probably love the BSNYC treatment of it even more.

Do you do requests?

Anonymous said...

rest of link:

09/spencer/

Bobby said...

cogsxxxtreme's rhymes are to be read with a Yiddish accent.

The only then better than "on your left" is "on your right!"

mario said...

San Franciscans don't wear fleece--that's for Berkeley, or Seattle.

We *do* walk up and down Valencia St. with our Pista Concepts and look down on you, however; and for that we should be ridiculed.

db said...

If you've never been to Williamsburg, just imagine a real-world Myspace with a Fixedgeargallery overlay.

For the first time since I was a child, I believe in Hell.

But not peanut milk.

Anonymous said...

I, too, have had people on foot and on bike swerve every which way in front of me while trying to figure out left from right. Occasionally, I use "hold your line" instead, usually with better results. Does this still make me a douchebag?

homie the clown said...

looks to me like the BS is lonely. here's to finding that special someone via computer, non porn related.

BikeBelle said...

Id 5:28 - How to get deaf cyclist out of the way? Why not use the "bicycle air horn"?

I keep waiting to see BSNYC review this brilliant piece of engineering mastery. Sure, it looks like a certain Sweedish product that I've never used - that's not my bag, baby!

115 dB is just about guaranteed to get attention even if the English-welded and lugged fixed-gear frame doesn't.

Nick said...

Haven't lived in NYC since 1994 (my home town). It is amazing to think of Williamsburg to be as you described. I guess stuff changes.

I have to go back for my sister's wedding (well after wedding celebration, well second wedding). My kid is way looking forward to it. I'm going to have to go the Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty like some dork. I won't even remember which subway entrance to leave so I don't have to cross the street, therfore looking like some tourist ripe to be hassled for change by some degenerate. Cripes.

Nick

Anonymous said...

I didn't read all of the comments, but I'd like to point out that shouting on your left sounds as much like a command as it does a friendly warning. Witness all of the people who instinctively step to the left when they hear it. I found that using a complete sentence, such as 'I'm coming up on your left' makes more sense to pedestrians.

cogsxxxtreme said...

Listen to my rythem, feel my flow...

I'm just a girl who cain't say 'no'
I'm in a terrible fix!
I always say 'Come on, let's go' just when I aughta say 'Nix.'
When a person tries to kiss a girl
I know she aughta give his face a smack!
But as soon as someone kisses me
I somehow sorta want to kiss him back!
I'm just a fool when lights are low
I cain't be prissy an' quaint
I ain't the type that can faint
How can I be what I ain't?
I cain't say 'no!'

Fucking Bike Club said...

It's settled. From now on I'm yelling "I'm wearing sneakers!" when I pass bikes.

leroy said...

Nick --

BSNYC nailed Williamsburg a while back, describing it as a college town without a college.

You're gonna be surprised by NYC. We're getting so civilized, we almost make folks from Minnesota look brusque.

bikesgonewild said...

...cogxxxtreme talks the shit because he is the shit...like leroy sez, the man be an artist...

...cog(s)xxxtreme the plagerizer, sounds like a gay (herein the ubiquitous "not that there is anything wrong w/ that") broadway show tunes hack...

...sorry, babe, certain lack of imagination there despite all the work to be accepted...

mojito said...

bgw, are you Bally in disguise?

gttim said...

dear burly scarf clad mountain man, i saw you riding your bike through the treacherous streets of brooklyn and i gasped at your beauty and manly grace as you weaved through the ice and cars. you made my heart go pitter patter.

Hardball's Chris Matthews is living in New York now? And posting on Craigslist Missed Connections?

Here is how "On your left" works in triathlons:

"On your left."

"On Your Left!"

"ON YOUR LEFT!"

"ON YOUR LEFT YOU #&$%ING MORON! GET THE #&$% OUT OF THE WAY! AND ^#&$ TEAM-IN-TRAINING TO YOU INCOMPETENT #^$%ING IDIOT!"

bikesgonemild said...

cogxxxtreme has an interesting array of songs. I'm thinking he is an aspiring rapper trapped on broadway...poor soul

Anonymous said...

gttim said...

"ON YOUR LEFT YOU #&$%ING MORON! GET THE #&$% OUT OF THE WAY! AND ^#&$ TEAM-IN-TRAINING TO YOU INCOMPETENT #^$%ING IDIOT!"

Number-uppercase-dollar-percent idiot! takes too long, I prefer 'fucking' idiot. Keep it simple and effective.

gttim said...

Yeah, I am usually not shy about profanity, but this was a fairly clean comment thread.

The lady this morning blocking the turn lane while facing the wrong direction understood my finger. So did her son.

Jon said...

I commented on your blog once and I closed with "cheers"

dangit...I'm one of em....

What the heck.

Cheers,

Anonymous said...

You really hit your stride when you're angry. Good stuff.

Matt in Seattle said...

Anon 12:42, thanks for the cheering. I was enjoying myself as I read through this post, it was good times and I laughed. Then the laughter stopped... How could this be? How could I have been the target of The Snob, however inadvertantly? Was everything coming crashing down on me? Actually no, I say 'Cheers!' because I'm usually having a cocktail and I think 'Cheers!' is...well...cheerful. I also realized there's no reason to be huffy since this is all about fun. Oh yeah, and I don't really give a shit what most folks think. I also say 'On your left!' but that's just because there's an anti-bike conspiracy here in Seattle and I don't want to give those assholes anymore ammunition than they already have. Not from me anyway...

Cheers!

guero canadiense said...

Snob, are you glued to today's MacWorld coverage?

Is that why we addicts are jonesing this afternoon?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Matt in Seattle,

Well said as always. Yes, it was certainly inadvertent.

As long as you don't say "Cheers!" after you pass people.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

Oh my God! That picture of the sky is full of chemtrails!!!

Matt in Seattle said...

I only 'Cheers!' during passing when it includes a bottle full of water intersecting with an asshole motorist face. Usually reserved for only the worst rush hour, life threatening infractions. The results are hilarious though!

meenamade said...

Dear Bianchi Boy,

Last night I was hanging out at Spuyet and Duyvil till about 1am. I go to unlock my bike when I glance over at a sea foam green Bianchi Pista with red racerbars, a flourescent pink and black checkered top tube cover and red tires. It was locked to the crossbar of scaffolding. I stopped to laugh at the idiot that locked up his bike in such a stupid manner when I noticed that the bolt was missing on one of the bars. I took your bike and wandered back into the bar hoping you would be inside. There you were saying, "hey, that's my bike!"

ME: yeah, you locked it up to scaffolding and you will get your bike stolen that way
DOUCHE: well, i wasnt going to be here for long, i was about to leave anyway (said in condescending manner)
ME: well, that's how long it took me to steal your bike and im sort of drunk so what do you think about that?
DOUCHE: well, it was locked up!
ME: expression of dumbstruck infatuation on my face.

you were exactly what i imagined you to be. a bearded hipster with glasses, skinny pants, black chucks and a flannel lumberjack shirt. you stood up in that bowlegged manner and grabbed your handlebars with tattooed forearms with an annoyed look on your face.

ME: yeah, you're welcome. why dont you spend another $600 dollars on a fuckin brain?

im sorry i said that. it was like i was back in the third grade when i gave you a wedgie while hoping that you liked the smell of my new Lipsmackers.

lets meet up soon and i promise you will never lock your bike up improperly again!

xoxo,
Panasocked

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I'm so happy reading those kind of articles because I like so much cycling, I Take my bike everyday in order to get a good time.

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