Friday, January 11, 2008

The Purloined Letter: Ball to Hed

"Ya know what, challenge me! Please, challenge me to go out and just in spite of you bailing, I'll make a better wheel, a cooler wheel, a more dynamic wheel, a lighter and faster wheel - thanks very much for inspiring me!" he said. "I'll send [Steve Hed] a thank you note!"



***

From the desk of
MICHAEL BALL
Rock & Republic
Rock Racing

To:

STEVE HED
Hed Cycling Products

Dear Steve,

Hope your doing good. PSYCH!!! Remember when you wouldn’t give me wheels and I said I’d send you a thank you note? Here it is! Cuz you did me a favor, dude. I didn’t become the King of Pants by giving up. I don’t see problems--I see oppertunity’s! Your the one who missed out, man. We coulda been Ball and Hed—how badass is that? But I don’t even need you. The only Hed I need is the hed I get in the bathroom at Circle Bar every nite!!! From your wife! BURN!!!

So check it. I made my own wheels like I said—designed ‘em myself and everything. It was easy! Easy cuz I gets steezy like Cirque de Soleil with the trapezie. (I just made that up.) Here’s the original drawing I made. This is gonna be a collectors item in a museum:

I know what your thinking. Your thinking “Nobody could make a wheel like this. Its too hard.” Wrong. You couldn’t, but I gave this drawing to the dudes at Orange County Choppers who have the show “American Chopper” on TV which is awesome where they build crazy motorcycles and paint them sick colors and the father gets mad all the time, and their building them right now. The new ROCK WHEELZ are gonna be machined from SOLID ALUMINUM BILLET. Rock Racing rollin’ on DUBS baby. I already got a pair on my V-Rod and their AWESOME. Plus the best part is their gonna make a show about it and I’m gonna be in it and so is Tyler and Floyd! Tyler and Floyd are gonna ride a Harley together while the dad and Mikey ride a bicycle built for two. HISTERICAL!!!

My wheels are so much better than yours. So what you have a wind tunnel. I put the ROCK WHEELZ in a wind tunnel and their so strong they broke the wind tunnel cuz the air couldn’t get thru!!! Their also better than Skaryums from Mavic which are stupid and have a stupid name like a breakfast serial you’d eat on Holloween.

Eat it,







PS: Typed this by myself. Dick.


170 comments:

Chris said...

Genius

Olivier said...

awesome...very funny

jeremy said...

Whoa.

Colin R said...

I lol'ed.

schnitzerPHOTO said...

One of the best ever.

scott said...

Lolzzz. Best word = opportunity's.

Anonymous said...

Like a thousand guys on forums all over the web, you decide to pick on Michael Ball. Very lame! The dude is dumping a whole hell of a lot of money, money most folks don't have, into cycling and everybody wants to pick on him.

The thing is HED, and Zipp before being bought, were not that big. Most bike companies are not that big. Ball could probably use a percentage of profits he makes off one color of shirts for R&D and be spending more than Zipp and HED combined. (Have you seen what he sells shirts for? And people buy!)

There are a lot of unemployed engineers out there who would probably love to start designing new bike products. I would love to see Ball do it. More competition is always good.

I still don't see why people are so threatened by Ball.

Anonymous said...

They aren't, they just think he's a dick.

Anonymous said...

He's not threatening. He's just an arrogant, tacky, loudmouthed juicebag.

Anonymous said...

I think Anon 9:46 is the one giving Mike Hed in the Circle Bar every night....he continues to suck up here too.

Cycle Jerk said...

lighten up dude, it's funny.

Brcire said...

I thought it was HISTERICAL!!!

Brcire said...

I thought it was HISTERICAL!!!!

Anonymous said...

People aren't threatened by ball. They just recognize the stupidity of a culture that he represents. Most notably, the mainstream culture of flashy...everything.

But I guess money is the best way to get marketing from a brand with a ridiculous vision.

Marrock said...

He's the Don King of cycling...

Anonymous said...

re: anonymous standing up for ball.

"The dude is dumping a whole hell of a lot of money, money most folks don't have, into cycling and everybody wants to pick on him."

So the F what if he's throwing money into cycling... does that make him good? Of course not, plenty of asshats throw money at things and are still asshats with too much money to throw at things. Does his money make him bad? Of course not, but it doesnt make up for his "I'm better than you because I have more money" attitude. Asshat, plain and simple.

meenamade said...

hey anon 9:46,

good point because this is the place to come to get reassurance, empathy and encouragement. this is where you come to read about how much we love each other and other superfluous placebos. this is where we come to feel good about riding our bikes. we dont like it when innocent or not so innocent bystanders are insulted, we look at both sides of the story and this is where sarcasm is regarded as the lowest form of humor.

Chris said...

EPIC WIN

Anonymous said...

that was fantastic. who knew Ball was such a good riter? now their is the future of american cycling!

Anonymous said...

lol, we all know that "more dynamic" wheels are win.

this guy is a total d-bag. I think A&F gave him a case of the "me too's."

CB said...

I hope Ball makes spinners for his wheelz.

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://i.n.com.com/i/ne/p/2007/CrownVicSpinners_550x354.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.news.com/2300-11389_3-6173811-4.html&h=354&w=550&sz=47&hl=en&start=3&um=1&tbnid=cjAj2VTWqLmshM:&tbnh=86&tbnw=133&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dspinners%26ndsp%3D21%26svnum%3D10%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26sa%3DN

Anonymous said...

You dont understand Michael Ball like I do. I saw his MTV Cribs and how he had sex in one of his cars, and how hes a self made man.
He loves cycling, and wallets chains and pants.
Hes to cycling what Tolstoy is to books with really, really alot of words in them and junk.

Jim said...

Snob's comments are only un-funny, if you believe Ball is in bike racing for the sake of bike racing, rather than for the purpose of cranking up publicity to improve his clothing sales. His business model is to support bike racing, to drive publicity to improve clothing sales. It's not to siphon money off of his clothing retail shops in order to improve the bike racing scene. That wouldn't work from a clothing retailing standpoint, and being charitable to bike racing, in the long run, probably wouldn't help bike racing either. So yeah, I think the guy is a world class jerk, or at least acting like one; and our commenting about it makes us feel good because we get to feel good about downing a jerk, and Ball gets free publicity. What's not to love? Well, other than the fact that he's hiring a shit-ton of dopers to staff his team and doing everything in his power to undercut the sanctioning bodies...

Anonymous said...

I don't know why he can't just get into some other frosted-tipped, spiky-haired, designer-denim-with white-Puma-wearing scene, like UFC or some shit like that.

quentin loves caddy said...

that was fucking genius!

WRXJohnny said...

scott,
you forgot the e in oppertunity's.

jim said...

hmm. I didn't know about the Ball / Hamilton / Landis thing. Now I'm conflicted. I don't believe Hamilton, I'm willing to bet he's going to race clean from now on. I really don't care about him one way or the other.

Landis on the other hand. I believe him. Mainly because I really want to believe him and there's enough inconsistencies that I feel like I still can.

The way I see it, Hamilton and Landis probably don't have THAT many options so getting involved with an A-hole seems like a necessary evil.

I'd really like to see Landis do something again but I'd hate for anything to go well for Ball.

green army man said...

ha!
oh no! people are making fun of other people on the internet! serious business.

dude's a d-bag trying to find some marketing niche, sure more money in cycling might benefit all of us. it also might bring a lot of other d-bag ideas to it. cycling fashion is usually bad enough, its only bound to get far worse with this guy involved...

Anonymous said...

When you make fun of Ball on the internet, Ball wins. There's no such thing as bad press...

db said...

Great post, Snob. Now that I've read interviews with Mr. Ball in Cyclingnews and Velonews, what strikes me is that he constantly tries to win arguments with "I have e-mails", yet he never produces those.

Instead, his opponents in these spats are more than willing to share documentation:
http://tinyurl.com/yq8atp

Anonymous said...

bsnyc, this was so good no one even bothered to do podium comments... so that is very good.

maybe you should start freelancing for some hollywood types in desperate need for writers if you see what i mean ;)

classic...

Anonymous said...

I'm just glad to see guys calling him out - makes me feel a little better about the true mindset of riders

Anonymous said...

best ever

wind tunnel comment was brilliant

cool dude said...

oh man. this is the funniest thing I've read in a long time.. thanks.

volthause said...

Ball is a marketing genius, and if you folks want to get all hurt-in-the-ass about the guy exploiting a sport that has lost any and all credibility over the last several years, go right ahead.

I'm hoping the dude makes a mint and turns the sport on it's head. That indignity will hopefully transition into a drive to bring reform to cycling as a sport.

Barry Bonds said...

Is there space on the team for me?

Mark Mcguire said...

No comment

bikesgonemild said...

I agree with the guy defending Ball. Cycling is such a gutter sport these days with all the dopping and the governing body of the sport are a bunch of crooks.

Anyone who things professional cycling is a pure sport probably also thinks cogsexxxtreme is a good songwriter

Anonymous said...

"Easy cuz I gets steezy like Cirque de Soleil with the trapezie."

Anonymous said...

Dude has already made money and sponsoring a cycling team is not going to make him a bunch more. Sponsorship of cycling teams is basically charity. (Do you think USPS suddenly had a surge in mail when they sponsored Lance?) Calling him a d-bag because he wants to use cycling to make more money is simply moronic. He will never see the money he gives to cycling ever again. Cyclists don't buy $200 jeans- other than Cipo. The people who do probably couldn't give a crap about cycling. This is not about marketing. Any commenter who suggests that is not living in reality.

Personally I hope the guy outdoes Vince McMahon! Like suddenly cycling is going to look like a bunch of druggies without ethics? I love cycling, but more pro cyclists dope than pro football players. I would be more surprised to trip across a clean one.

Is the guy an asshat? Probably. Does he care that you think so? Please.

Furthermore, I think all cyclists should dope themselves to the gills. If they want to dope it up for my entertainment, more power to them.

Cycle Ninja said...

What amazes me about Michael Ball is that he seems oblivious to the fact that he's drawing MORE scrutiny on his team in a sport that's under an electron microscope as it is. What's the over-under on when one of these guys gets popped for doping?

sd said...

What're the bets that Ball spends as much on wheel development as he will on "medical professionals"? And I'm sick of the "cycling is corrupt and blah blah blah..." Shut up. Stop pretending that you didn't start watching cycling in 2003 when you bought your sweet Trek 2300 and postal yellow jersey. Go back to watching basketball, cause that's a clean sport.

Tech said...

Wow, that seems to be his personality on the dot.

Anonymous said...

"I didn’t become the King of Pants by giving up." - Awesome quote

405 Boneshakers said...

lollllllllllllll

Anonymous said...

If you don't think that Ball is trying to make money off of cycling then you're not paying attention. He introduced a line of cycing clothing at Interbike. Asshat or not, he has the savvy to realize that you might not spend $200 on a pair of jeans, but you'll think nothing of dropping $75 on a jersey that probaby costs less to make. He wouldn't be in for it if he didn't think it would be a good long-term investment. Just like every other sponsor. Ball's still an asshat, though, and I wish he'd just shut the hell up and get over himself.

dirtydenim said...

I worked in a denim boutique for awhile and we dropped R&R because of excessive quality issues. Not to mention the crowd that bought them was as tacky and obnoxious as the jeans themselves.

Anonymous said...

A jeans company will never make the transition to cycling products.

Signed,

Carrera

Anonymous said...

On one hand, this is funnier than hell. On the other hand, don't give the man any ideas. He's a loose cannon as it is. Rock Wheelz(TM) on permanent closeout in the Nashbar yellow pages--we'll know who to blame.

Matt in Seattle said...

Holy crap! This is the king of all blog posts!

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure that drawing was actually done by Nigel Tufnel.

Polygraf said...

I'm eatin a big bowl of skaryums right now!and it aint halloween.
I think ball should sell the team to mark cuban.

quentin loves caddy said...

I just read this again and laughed again. So good! His stupidity doubles over on itself, but it does not then turn into something graceful. Here's to hoping he crashes his tacky car on a desolate road, sans seatbelt.
What would the legal consequences be for sewing a person's mouth shut?

M. Weed said...

APOSTROPHES FOR THE WIN!

John P. said...

LOL, great post. Ball and Hed, how cool is that? Ball does come across pretty much the way Snob put it and I find it all VERY entertaining.

Josh said...

What's blowing my mind in this conversation, is the number of people who think that Michael Ball is in this to bring back honor and dignity to cycling, rather than more cheap, tacky consumer shit and back-door racing shenanigans.

Karl Rover said...

Sweet post Snob. You're off to a good start in '08. I keep waiting for Ball to have mandatory tattoos on all his riders based on the publicity generated with Leogrande and Clinger. Tyler would probably get a tattoo of a puppy on his arm.

Anonymous said...

Poor dude couldn't even figure out to read the letter to know how to spell his name rite win he signed it!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

He's not threatening. He's just an arrogant, tacky, loudmouthed juicebag.

January 11, 2008 9:55 AM

Right on the money except that I would have called him a douchenozzle as opposed to a juicebag, but that is just me.

Anonymous said...

Blogger quentin loves caddy said...

"What would the legal consequences be for sewing a person's mouth shut?"

It wouldn't work, he would chew through his own lips just to hear his own voice.

Matt in Seattle said...

I think you're wrong all over Karl Rover. Tyler's tattoo would obviously be his chimeric twin...

Anthony said...

i thought it was so funny, i even logged in to say so. when i flame or criticize, i of course just go by "anonymous."

Karl Rover said...

Good point Matt in Seattle. But what would Tyler's long dead chimeric twin look like?

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Snob,

As the head of Mr. Ball's legal department, I insist you remove this posting forthwith and posthaste, lest severe legal consequences ensue upon yourself and your family unto the seventh generation. While I assure you, Mr. Ball has a fine sense of humor, it does not extend to criticism of his grammer, punctuation, spelling, motives, management style, or personal hygiene, nor any other aspect of his person, place or thing. I am sure you can appreciate the hard work Mr. Ball has put into building his empire, including personally piloting many flights of denim to waiting little hands in Honduras. His love of cycling is, I hasten to assure you, quite as avid as his viewership of Orange County Choppers, Pinks, and Iron Chef America. Furthermore, treating Mr. Ball's association with Tyler Hamilton as fodder for your obviously rather large cannon is not only unfair, it is also insensitive, as Mr. Ball himself is a vanishing twin. That is why he insists as a daily reminder of this fact upon humbly referring to himself as "Mr. Ball" rather than "Mr. Balls," which is how we reverently refer to him around the water cooler.

Sincerely,
Mr. Ball's Hack, Esquire

SR said...

love the speling and grammer erors!!!

erik k said...

this has to be one of your best headlines ever,
"The Purloined Letter: Ball to Hed"

genius, pure genius

mr.complaint said...

I believe there's a song in their:

Just Eat It, Eat It, Eat It, Eat It
No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fighter
It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right
Just Eat It, Eat It
Eat It, Eat It, Eat It

MJ could be his new spokesperson.

gttim said...

I think most people dislike him because he can say all the things most people wish they could say. He can tell pretty much anybody he wants to go f&*^ themselves. I find him rather refreshing!

Hey, anybody who is willing to dump money into our totally corrupted sport, when other sponsors are fleeing? Shit, how is that bad? He is going to pay cyclists to ride. Good for him. T-Mobile sure isn't going to do it anymore.

Druggies just make for better races! Man, look at what Landis did on that one day! It was epic! Great TV!

Love the drawings! You have talent, BSNYC!

M. Weed said...

Although if this was in fact genuine, "then" and "than" would not be used correctly, as they are in this post.

Prolly said...

So fucking good man. So fucking good.

Josh said...

totally ausome.

Bobbo said...

spot on!

Anonymous said...

Did someone say NFL and NBA are cleaner that bike racing?

If the US pro sports tested as often as cycling... Let's see, what if we tested the winning QB after each game?

gttim said...

My favorite Rock Racer! Taken May 2007, Roswell Crit.

Anonymous said...

So funny I read it again, and found another nugget: misspelling his own signature. Awesome!

Anonymous said...

I'm interested in using your drawing as the design for an ass tattoo, but I'm not sure if I need a license usage release from you, Mr. Ball, or perhaps even Nigel Tufnel before I get inked. Any guidance would be appreciated. Thanks!

annodomina said...

chapeau!

Sheriff John Bunnell said...

IT'S "SIKE". DON'T BELIEVE WHAT ANYONE ELSE TELLS YOU.

cogxxxtreme said...

First off lets talk about Ball, his are small, that’s it that’s all,. cant roll just republic, can keep that shit, we aint want it. Hed aint no ho, but a ho’ll give head, a ho don’t roll, true like a Hed, I take two for da road and two for da bed, rock out with da ho’s, roll in on da Heds,

Cogxxxtreme orignial and offical word on dat.

Anonymous said...

BSNY, that was the best.
Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I think Michael Ball must be the evil linguistic genius behind those Viagra offers that keep getting past my spam filter.

Anonymous said...

at least Ball knows a good place to drink!

(Circle Bar)

broomie said...

I wish Ball was really that entertaining!
Unfortunately he is as contrived and droll as Sigue Sigue Sputnik. Perhaps Tony James could do the anthem for R&R racing?
I do think Ball is doing us a service by providing us with so fodder and being there for us to kick around! Thanks, twat!

Wunderkind said...

Anonymous 11:58, I feel you on that - nicely done.

I believe anyone racing for Ball shoul be excommunicated from the cycling world post haste. I don't want cycling to become more popular, I don't want to see more people out there racing and I don't care if this guy infuses money into the sport. It was just fine pre-lance and will be fine through the ebbs and flows. People who race for, sponsor or associate with Ball are pandering to someone who is trying to buy his way into this club. In this way, Ball and his posse are much like recent purchasers of Mission Bicycles!! Hey! Sponsor idea! Can you imagine the synergies that exist between R&R clothes and overpriced fixed gear rigs????

Somebody should pay me for this.

Stuggy said...

This is possibly the funniest post ever. Um, I mean, EVAR!

Keep it up, Snobby!

c dub said...

It's funny...because it's true.

Anonymous said...

the sheriffs right: it's "SIKE!!!"
this is only the tip of the douche-burg. i used to race with ball back in the eighties and nineties. he's as big of a d-bag in person as he appears to be on the internet. maybe moreso.

Nathan said...

Awesome. Funny, funny stuff.

But if he does create the Rock & Republic BLING wheels, how does that factor into the Apoca-watch? They could be the next big thing since the pink Aerospoke.

Its MMA, not UFC, dammit! said...

I like more money(in pro cycling), but seriously, this guys a douche.

Is this the same guy behind TapouT (notice the cap on the last T)? Cause it looks like they share the same philosophy.

Anonymous said...

Gold Jerry, Gold!

bikesgonewild said...

...bsnyc...while your satire is always funny & refreshing, i for one appreciate these posts where you give your readers a chance to look inside the industry...

...first, it was the interview w/ the aerospoke boss, then came the insightful look at sf's mission bikes & now a correspondence between two of cycling's innovators...

...your finger is on the pulse, snob, & you have a sense of when it's time to share an industry scoop...

...i hope you never loss your humor, but serious content like this is also appreciated...

Anonymous said...

FIRST!

Anonymous said...

Ah Sh1t!

Anonymous said...

cogxxxtreme

You are the bard of the blog!!!

Anonymous said...

Question: Who is the bigger a**hole: Michael Ball or Dick Pound?

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 2:46pm...dick pound has a funnier name...

cruiser_moves said...

I dont even know really who those people are but truly hilarious post. Thank you for making me laugh.

bikemojo said...

cogsexxxtreme, got any more show tunes for us?

Anonymous said...

Does this mean Mission is of the hook?

WheelsVT said...

Thought you might pickup on my comment from the last post about the guy building the bike using Ball's wheels. Very cool.

Jim said...

Broomie nails it. Ball isn't transgressive, he's sort of tired and cliched. We've already seen marketing acts like this before. This is America, this is sports. We are not amused.

Yep, you can't keep 'em down on the farm, once they've seen Karl Hungus.

john said...

I'd love to see him be a real maverick and make his team kit all wool. While he's at it he should make everyone use 7-speed downtube shifters. They're lighter.

sh said...

oh man, oh man, OH MAN !!!
Repeat: !!!!

Fawking genius. No, beyond genius. I don't even know what's beyond genius, but this is it.

sheesh.

sigmund said...

Mr. Ball must be trying to overcompensate for other deficiencies, what with his BIG team cars, his BIG aggressive attitude, his BIG marketing ideas, his BIG budget, and his accompanying BIG sanctimonious machismo. I dare hazard a guess at why it's so important for him to be the Big Man On Circuit.

Patrice said...

their has never been a funnier post here then this won. your a genus!

roadpig said...

God I needed this today, freaking hilarious! You nailed it!

Dirt Monkey said...

so damn funny
top 5 best posts ever snob

Sorelegs said...

Best Post Ever. Hurrah Snobby.

Anonymous said...

Racing = teh ghay

Matt in Seattle said...

Karl, I thought long and hard about your question. What would Tyler's chimeric twin tattoo look like? And then is came to me!

http://membres.lycos.fr/marsetsf/tr/quato_29.jpg

urchin said...

Excellent post, a real coffee sprayer.

You should put this one in the time capsule, Snob. We'll open that baby up in ten years and say yeah, that's what it was, before all the money, the drugs, the movie and the TV spinoffs, this was the Snob. He just brought the funny.

Speedbuggy said...

I laughed.
I cried.
I pee'd my pants a little.

Yes yes, Michael Ball is an easy target. I think he likes it that way. He thrives off of being the "bad guy."

To me he's a one-trick pony and isn't going to do much good or bad for the sport of cycling.

For the record if another cyclist/cycling related anything refers to bike shit as bling I'm going to stab them in the neck with a pork chop.

http://speedbuggy3.blogspot.com/

Cyclosity said...

...bikes gone wild....post...so......annoying....to....read.
try using 1/3 of the periods you use now, woman!

Karl Rover said...

Matt in Seattle,

Thanks for ruining my afternoon. That photo is flat out disturbing.

KR

Matt in Seattle said...

"Quaid! Start the reac-tor. Free Mars!" BANG!

Anonymous said...

I've had an epiphany. It's the names . . . Floyd, Tyler. Whatever happened to Joe, Steve? That is the reason for the demise of Western Civilizations. I must post this anonymously. I don't want Brett, Biff, and Slade to come kick my ass.

bikesgonewild said...

...cyclosity...bikesnob does a awesomely funny post & you take the time to rip me ?...how unoriginal & what a shame, when you could of directed your appreciation towards the master...but i guess if you were capable of an original idea, you would a' used it...

...by the way, i use what are known as three dot ellipsis...periods are what your mom stopped having when she decided to have you...say hi for me, if you would & ask her if thats a decision she wishes she'd never made...

Cyclosity said...

the master? you loser.

Velochick2007 said...

That is some funny shit!

Anonymous said...

Great post snob,

The idea that this poser would arrive on the bike scene and criticize companies and individuals like Hed, Montgomery and Look for not 'supporting' the sport is just preposterous. The amount of pressure the riders on the 'team' must be under must be serious. As an athlete, trying not to think or talk about this, seeing the carnage of each of Balls interactions, and then to somehow pull together a season of performances is just ridiculous.

I think we are all waiting for an implosion.

And even if he did manage to 'make' his own anything, No-One will distribute them, stock them, sell them or buy them.

Anonymous said...

I didn't know who Ball was before I read this blog. Thanks, now I can buy all of that cool stuff and so will my friends. Wait...I have no friends.

- laurent Fignon's Ego Masseur

bikesgonewild said...

...cyclosity...sorry babe, i think biksnob IS a master at what he does & i appreciate him as such...just my opinion...

SkidMark said...

bikesgonewild
"periods are what your mom stopped having when she decided to have you", now that, my friend, was masterful!


to meenamade

"this is the place to come to get reassurance, empathy and encouragement." and "sarcasm is regarded as the lowest form of humor."

Well, I guess I must be a bottom feeder, then, cuz bsnyc and bgw are a couple of hilarious dudes in my lowly Neanderthal opinion

Otis said...

Wow, anytime you can invoke the douche bags from American Chopper to bolster a theme, you've raised the level of implied douche baggery to balsamic. Well done sir!

Maxrad said...

So...the point of certain posters here is because Michael Ball blows into town with more money than God, that very small hardworking companies like Hed and Look and Scott should give him a whole bunch of stuff for FREE because he's so rich???? Did I get that right?

I've got a better idea: if Ball is "supporting the industry" with all this cash made from child labor and strung-out glitterati, maybe he should BUY ALL HIS TEAM'S BIKES AND EQUIPMENT AT FULL RETAIL...and pay his riders better salaries while he's at it.

Then he'd *really* be supporting the sport, nicht wahr?

mark said...

holy shit, I just wet myself

GernBlanston said...

Hi BSNYC! Long time reader, first time caller.

This is comedic genius.

GB

Parker said...

Thats AWESOME - Michael Ball is the Boy Band of cycling. What a dick.

Anonymous said...

skidmark,
Your sarcasm detector seems to be broken...

Anonymous said...

Jesus H, that was too goddamn funny.

Philip Williamson said...

There they're their there.

I think I burst a blood vessel in my eye laughing so hard.

londogendang said...

I don't even know WHAT to say. I just about shit my pants reading that. Christ! WHAT do you dream of at night??? Spot on.
Thanks

Bluenoser said...

Good one Bike Snob.

-B

meatroll said...

URGENT PISTADEX WARNING!
month old pista with a king headset, new wheelset, campagnolo cranks and other pointless upgrades! $465!!!

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/bik/536470818.html

looks like he hit something and bent the fork in a bit, but still.

SkidMark said...

to Anon 10:27

Sarcasm detector indeed found faulty. Removed and replaced. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

I wonder how long until he hits one of his own riders with one of those Escalades...

Spinners... I'm so glad someone brought that up...

great post BSNYC!

bikeprof said...

oh dear. too funny and spot on for words.

e-RICHIE said...

bikesnob nyc = national living treasure atmo

quentin loves caddy said...

Third time reading it and it's still killing me.

Anonymous said...

Interesting Craigslist Photo Angle

http://seattle.craigslist.org/skc/bik/536838274.html

eric aldinger said...

Will Ball be making cycling specific ass hats out of 80/20 wool/lycra blend? I would buy one if it had a latte pocket.

Anonymous said...

people aren't threatened by ball. they are bemused by the zoolander/douchebag schtick.

i just wish he would have bought postal...

Herbert said...

The Ball attitude of "I have money and thus the world will kiss my feet"
is quite annoying. Thanks for your interpretation of the Ball to Hed letter, sadly though the real "phone call /e-mail" was most likely not too different in tone.

Anonymous said...

but ball does have a wind tunnel...it's in his skull

yakakakakakaka

Anonymous said...

I would think you NYC folks would welcome Ball with open arms. I mean your entire culture is all about the bling. Lets see how many ore GS Mengoni amateurs are going to get busted for doping this year. NYC what a bunch of Fags on bikes. Ever been to Central Park for that stupid race series, how many duche bags are doping up for that big Sunday Central Park win. Funny thing is Philly still kicks your ass whithout the bling, we keep it real.

leroy said...

Well, I'll be danged. Philly blunt talk from Anon 7:05.

mike bizzy ball said...

wait a sec bikesnob are you making fun of me if you are you and hed can go pound sand togethar

Tourist said...

Isn't Philly just a suburb of NY.

alliwannadoisbicycle said...

YES.

i hope you email this to Hed

Anonymous said...

150!

Yes!

Anonymous said...

woogie woogie

Garnet said...

Frankly, Ball's enterprise into cycling is, in its sheer asininity, on par with something as ridiculous as Madonna's infatuation with Kabbalah. Sure, each brings money and influence to their respective pet interest, not to mention arrogance and a unique brand of self-righteous ignorance. That's not really what road racing needs right now. A patron who could see beyond their own bloated head would be nice.

To tourist . . .
Philly is not a suburb of of New York. Hardly close, in fact. But as someone who lives thereabouts, I feel qualified to say that nobody in Philly really "keeps it real," with or without bling; on the whole, Philly pretty lame.

bikepennst8 said...

holy shit.

Funnnnnnny

mojito said...

Late to the party as usual.

Is Michael any relation to the professional British 'comedian' Bobby Ball? "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannon_and_Ball" Note Bobby's catchphrase "Rock on Tommy". Perhaps not. Bobby Ball is a loudmouth clown who has found his level performing in low-end pantomines that only children can laugh at, whereas Michael ... what? eh? oh.

A Godforsaken Wasteland said...

I know I'm late on the comment page here but I had to chime in and say how fucking funny this post is...oh my god....just classic.

CommieCanuk said...

It's great idea that Ball could use the Tuetuls to design his wheels. Those guys have great idears.

Always start with 1/2" steel bar, every bike has no suspension, a ridiculous amount of rake, "brakes", and a huge rear tire making turning just an abstract concept. Of course, the 130 dB pipes just to confirm to the world just how big of an asshole you have to be to ride one of these. Essentially, minibikes like I made when I was 14, with better paint and they date strippers/porn stars.

They could make the wheels on a water jet, around 40lbs, and sit around talking about how 'unique' they are. Of course, they will have a set in camouflage to support the troops. What fixed gear riding lacks today is the equivalent of a Hummer (the truck, not the sex act). Something we can kill motorists with, just on momentum.

Amazing what an empire has built up from this upstate New York teknawlogy. A perfect fit with Mr. Ball.

Scott Gordo said...

Ball makes "Venga! Venga! Venga!" sound like the work of a subtle wordsmith.

Chris said...

you are banging on freon, in the electric neon, put the fake goatee on

Anonymous said...

Thank you, BikeSnob.

So businessmen don't like dealing with this Ball fellow. He's inconsistent and they dont' trust him and right now the sponsorship isn't worth the bother. Fair enough. Part of business is developing personal relationships, and Ball apparently sucks at it with those few in the bike industry he's trying to deal with. Boo hoo.

1-866-EAT-SHIT said...

WOW!

Rock Racing Jersey on EBAY! first ever. Crazy.

http://cgi.ebay.com/Racing-Jersey-ROCK-R-R-size-Large-Mens_W0QQitemZ230214252661QQihZ013QQcategoryZ2904QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

1-866-EAT-SHIT said...

http://cgi.ebay.com/Racing-Jersey-ROCK
-R-R-size-Large-Mens_W0Q

EBAY Item number: 230214252661

Brendan said...

Holy Fawking Crap, that was exactly what I needed today.. Beautiful.

Helen said...

Laughed out loud. Hard. At work. Not embarrassed.

dinoibo said...

Sesli sohbet Sesli chat
Seslisohbet Seslichat
Sesli sohbet siteleri Sesli chat siteleri
Sesli Chat
Sohbet Sesli siteler
Sohbet siteleri Chat siteleri
Sohbet merkezi chat merkezi
Sesli merkezi sesli Sohbet merkezi
Sesli chat merkezi Sohbetmerkezi
Sesli Sohbet Sesli Chat
SesliSohbet Sesli chat siteleri
Sesli sohbet siteleri SesliChat
Sesli Sesli siteler
Seslimuhabbet sesli muhabbet
sesli sohbet sesli chat siteleri
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslisohbet seslichat
seslikent sesli kent
sesli sohbet sesli sohbet siteleri
sesli chat sesli chat siteleri
seslisohbet seslichat

Richard said...

Hello there!
I just dropped by to let you know that I think this column is a great masterpiece.
Moreover, the way you arranged all this information is also awesome! By the way Viagra Online is awesome too!
Thanks for sharing and let others share too, you really know how to rock hard!

assur said...

Adsense of Jordan Shoes : just do it!
Adsense of Moncler Jackets : sends to warm, give you more comforts of life!
Adsense of Moncler : sends to warm, give you more comforts of life!
Adsense of NFL Jerseys : everything is possible!
Adsense of Christian Louboutin : choice me is choice beautiful foot and body!
Adsense of Puma Shoes : champion is in the first line!
Adsense of Gucci Shoes : Allows you to enjoy the leisure life in the fun!
Adsense of Vibram Fivefingers : taste original life, wear the most morden and comfortable shoes!
Adsense of GHD Hair straighteners : why make our hair so beautiful and lots stylers, for choice me is choice happy!
Adsense of Clearance Nike Shox : Run the first forever!
Adsense of Michael Jordan Shoes : just do it!

Anonymous said...

Nice article as for me. I'd like to read something more concerning this matter. Thank you for posting this info. Mersedes
escort in Kiev

Anonymous said...

If you always write interesting, I will be your regular reader. skin care Read a useful article about tramadol tramadol

ekle paylas said...

nice blog Thanks for sharing. voicesohbet was really very nice.
sesli chat siteleri sesli sohbet
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslichat seslisohbet
sesli siteleri chat siteleri
sohbet siteleri sesli siteler
voice sohbet sesli sohbet siteleri
sesli sohbet seslisohbet
sohbet siteleri sesli chat siteleri
seslichat sesli chat
herkesburda herkes burda
sohbetmerkezi sohbetmerkezi

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work. general health Read a useful article about tramadol tramadol