Monday, January 28, 2008

Fixedgeargallery...of unbridled exuberance.

(Of course you do.)



They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. This couldn't be further from the truth. I hadn't checked out Fixedgeargallery in awhile, and when I finally did again it was like running into an ex on the street. And I'm not talking about the kind of run-in where she looks great and you're digging in a public trash can because you accidentally threw your keys in there. I mean the kind of encounter where her first shrill utterance reminds you of just how large a caliber bullet you dodged. More than anything though, as I clicked through the gallery I was once again amazed by the amount of effort people make to look ridiculous. Here are some examples:


This tribute bike puts the "Devo" back in "devoid of sense," largely due to the fang-tastic, intelligence-defying handlebar setup. What reason could one possibly have for cutting the drops off in this manner? It's like taking the shifter knob off your sports car, or cutting your computer mouse in half. The only explanation I can come up with is that the owner took Weird Al's Devo tribute, "Dare To Be Stupid," even more seriously than he takes Devo. Because he did, and it is.



Here's a frame that was apparently hanging safely in a shop window for the last eighteen years, only to meet the unfortunate fate of death by gold anodized componentry at the zenith of the fixed-gear trend. I certainly hope the owner coordinates his riding attire with the color scheme of his bicycle. If he doesn't, I suggest the following:



This paisley top, full-zip, moisture-wicking and fabulous;




These cycling shorts, which marry high fashion and high performance;


And these high-heeled Chucks, perfect both on and off the bike.





This entry isn't about the bike; it's about the backdrop. We've seen the bike-in-front-of-the-record-collection plenty of times, but it's incredibly rare to see a bike posed in front of a video collection. I sincerely hope this is a video store and not the owner's personal library, though, because a close-up reveals some distressing choices:



This video collection is worse than Redman's in his "MTV Cribs" episode. Note in particular the treacly trifecta to the immediate left of the stem, with "The Breakup," Brokeback Mountain," and "Bruce Almighty" all cheek-by-jowl. Notice also that the leather-clad bullhorns appear to be forklifting a payload of refuse that includes "Clerks II," "Con Air," and "Cruel Intentions." Harrowing. I haven't seen something this trendy in front of a wall this full of crap since Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie posed in front of a Masai dung hut on one of their Africa visits.


This bike is remarkable because it has a built-in theft prevention device. Just put it in a basement and it disappears into the scenery like a stick insect in a tree. Just look at this photo--the bike's in there. Can you find it? Bet you can't!




Always fascinating is the extent to which people will go to tape their bars incorrectly. In browsing Fixedgeargallery and checking out bar taping jobs I've seen almost every conceivable variation on the theme of stupid. Here's a new one, where the middle of the drop is left bare for some reason, like a bare midriff in the snow:







This one's tall, dark and lanky, and somewhere between intimidating and ridiculous:





This one, on the other hand, is genuinely terrifying. In particular, note the ferret, which looks unnervingly like the one the nihilists threw in Jeff Bridges' bathtub in "The Big Lebowski." Certainly one man's pet is another man's infestation. Then notice the poor lighting and the perfectly-circled pentagram formed by the crank spider and chainring guard.



But most terrifying is the head-actuated brake lever. It looks like the gnarled, beckoning finger of a demon, gesturing for you to come closer and closer, until it throttles you like the disembodied hand in "Evil Dead 2."







Decidedly more upbeat is this entry. This thing's got more aging bells and whistles than an antique music shop. It looks like one of those old-timey fire engines:


It's the Little Engine That Could Not.


134 comments:

eroc said...

first

Brian said...

Podium!

Ka_Jun said...

Damn you, Alice Cooper!

eroc said...

first! wow, I am such a loser

erik k said...

if all girls cross country ski in bikinis. . .

eroc said...

I really wish they were men in speedos

Anonymous said...

NUMBER 7!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

i'm so glad you saw that univega; i laughed my ass off when i saw that submission. can you imagine reaching for that break in a must-stop situation? would it be possible to not wipe out?

oktokrewl said...

i have those exact same stiletto chucks.. i <3 the lakers :D

i also have them in pink.. heheh

Daniel! said...

The video bike's owner has half a dozen "Friends" box sets, too. I wonder which Friend he most identifies with?

M. Weed said...

BSNYC,

I'm sure you saw this one, which I felt was submitted with you specifically in mind:

http://tinyurl.com/yv4ko3

Anonymous said...

I must post this without a name because I am sad to say that I work at a bike shop and have cut the drops of road bike bars for a customer, he bought a hybrid asked us to outfit it with STI shifters which he put on cut drop bars. As I put a hacksaw to the bontrager bars I cried just a little bit using my tears like cutting oil, ti ranks up there with the time I put a baby seat on a 5 inch travel kona, or when I put flat bars and alvio shifters on a specialized tarmac. I saw the bike a few weeks back it was parked outside a bagel shop. I cried for the bike a little bit inside.

Sprocketboy said...

I see that the video owner put everything in alphabetical order. The sign of an ordered mind, and not necessarily the sign of a fixed-gear riding hipster.

The shirt and shorts--are they from the wardrobe The Artist Once Again Known as Prince?

And the old-time bells-and-whistles bike--where can you get whitewall 700c tires these days? Yummy.

Anonymous said...

Don't see why cutting the drops off is such a bad thing. I like where my bars are but my back won't let be get in the drops. So the drops are a waste. And no I'm not going to put a riser stem on just to be able to use the drops.

I see two benefits.

1. A pack of bar tape will last me twice as long.

2. No need for a top tube pad to protect the paint.

Sprocketboy said...

Hey, Anonymous at 1:08: if you really did put flat bars and alvio shifters on a Tarmac it is better that you did post anonymously. Oh, the humanity!

mr.complaint said...

The suicide brake lever is like a dupuytren. Makes hand and brake useless.

Try that with your lobster gloves.

Is the next trend mustaches? And new wave print shorts?

Anonymous said...

thank you so much for commenting on the dvd person. when i saw it this morning at work i could not believe my eyes. why would you ever own all the seasons of friends & the movie click??? i really hope this person gets them for free, i would feel sad if he or she really spent their hard earned money on them. tho he/she is probably less pretenious then the people who show off their records.

stokedonspokes said...

i love how in fgg they post the tubing so proudly even when its nothing special.

Anonymous said...

Sprocketboy,
yes I really did do all those things, sometimes I cry myself to sleep screaming "the customer can not always be right!"

Scott said...

erik k,

She's not xc skiing, she's tele skiing. And yes, we do it in speedos whenever it's warm enough out (about 30F usually suffices). We're just hardcore like that.

pondering said...

I am starting to think I should post a picture on FGG of my bike in front of a computer which is on BSNYC mind that could throw people for a loop.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if perhaps there is a symbolism to the Devo bike we are all missing. Remember how back in high school you were forced to read Catcher in the Rye, and remember how you thought it was just a bunch of profanity until you got to school and the teacher told you there was all of this symbolism that you totally missed? Could the Devo bike have deeper meaning? Look closely at the pictures on fixedgeargallery.

Sure, building a whole bike around a set of headset spacers that you thought were cool is a type of idiocy that can only be captured with reference to the F-word. And the headtube shot of a picture of a guy with a hole in the head.... well, that one was obvious.

But look at the chainstay. "A man is real, not made a steel." Think about that. Does it matter that it is written on a steel bike? I think so. Is he saying that there is more to himself than the highly customized bicycle that he rides? Hmm, pretty deep for a hipster doofus.

And look at the "moneyshot" closeup of the downtube: Handmade in America with foreign and domestic components.

Man is real, not made of steel.

Yet we are all handmade in America, with foreign and domestic components.

Whip it.

Whip it good.

Commiecanuk said...

huff..huff..huff..

Anonymous said...

Olde tymey fire-engine: ROFLMFAO! I mean it!

Anonymous said...

"Man is real, not made of steel.

Yet we are all handmade in America, with foreign and domestic components.

Whip it.

Whip it good."

Dude! That is deep!

Chunk said...

People who take the time to alphabetize their crappy DVD collection really scare me.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot to add....

All criticisms not of the Devo bike itself should be credited to Devo.

Gawd, this is all so deep.

wool chamois said...

"ranks up there with the time I put a baby seat on a 5 inch travel kona ... "

Would be kind of cool, though, if just the baby was going to ride it.

For those wondering, the other ingredients of a Masai dung hut are branches, twigs, grass, and urine.

Anonymous said...

There was an episode of the short-lived comedy "Titus" where the customer wants the shop to put a huge wing on the top of a beautiful custom hot rod, and Titus destroys the car instead. I was reminded of this when I talked to a cyclist/triathlete who thought it would be cool and comfortable to put flat bars on their top of the line Scott racer.

Anonymous said...

Theme bikes are all the rage, just ask Orange County Choppers.

Now I can't wait for the Discovery Channel special on "The Building of the Devo Bike" I am sure there will be some kind of tear jerking memorial and one of the the Devo's will be there for its unveiling and everybody will rejoice.

It will be glorious!

Anonymous said...

Wasn't the animal in The Big Lebowski a marmot? I could have sworn he said "Nice marmot". Either way, hilarious post.

Gaahl from Gorgorot said...

Push the envelope, watch it bend

How fitting to involve a TOOL lyric next to the Devo. And who knew Freddie Mercury was a fixie?!

Anonymous said...

Is it just me or is that Freddie Mercury in a Fixed Gear "cog" t-shirt? Oh, when I grow up, I want an t-shirt with an Ass Slogan of "I like Track Bikes".

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:36pm,

I believe it's a ferret he mistakenly calls a marmot.

--BSNYC

Strayhorn said...

The handlebars in front of the videos - are those wood? Or, worse yet, wooden end plugs?

Curious minds . . .

Karl Rover said...

I'd like to see the owner of the "Prince" bike ride it around the streets of Oakland as he proudly states. If he picked the wrong neighborhood (say Bancroft and 88th) he might not make it too far before somebody repossessed his bike and matching outfit.

leroy said...

Well, now we know how BSNYC spent his weekend and we are all the better for it.

m.weed -- someone must be messing around. Herb Alpert's Whipped Cream and Other Delights? The Horror!

Didn't someone do a take off of that album cover sitting in spaghetti with marinara sauce?

On the other hand, I never knew you could patch a tire with a bandanna. Live and learn.

Anonymous said...

BSNYC: Any chance we can get some Photoshopping done for tomorrow's post? I *have* to see the guy in the blue FG tee-shirt with the 70's porn 'stash dressed in that Prince jacket and Legolas' bike shorts.

You've gotten me close to wanting to take sandpaper to my eyes before but I think that would just about do it.

If it didn't I think the only thing left would be to Photoshop him on the Devo bike and have him riding along with Kane West.

OldTenSpeed said...

That Alice Cooper bike looks like a fixie rider's feeble attempt to disguise his true desire for a Tri-bike.

red said...

Strayhorn,
I think those bar plugs are the kind that come with a free bottle of wine.

meh-wee-uhn said...

Today he wears the shirt that proudly proclaims "i like bikes" across his ass.
Tomorrow he goes in to get his dudely tramp-stamp.

nikolaus901 said...

You missed one of the new submissions.

If you saw #6689 hanging around the playground, you'd probably usher your kids back into the car. Have you seen Little Children?

(Sorry I can't post a link here.)

Jim said...

Hey, since when does Freddy Mercury's Ghost ride fixed?

And quit knocking that enormously tall bike. That's Lennard Zinn's personal ride. The black is actually Stealth material.

datamonkey said...

Leroy:Regarding Herb Albert: Soul Asylum did Clam Dip and other delights, and then of course there was the frivolous Five and sour cream and other delights and finally pat cooper with spagetti sauce and other delights. Enjoy the carnage

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clam_Dip_&_Other_Delights

http://franklarosa.com/vinyl/Exhibit.jsp?AlbumID=31&allComments=1

http://tralfaz-archives.com/coverart/F/frivolous_sour.html

garnet said...

I have a feeling that purple bike is some vomitous remnant of the Liberace estate.

http://www.williamclare.com/
images/Liberace2004small.jpg

Anonymous said...

Gaahl from Gorgorot: I'm the one who posted earlier about the literary symbolism of the Devo bike.

Is "Man is real, not made of steel" a lyric from a band called Tool?

If so, do you think there a connection with the QUICK RELEASE CHAIN LINK that the owner made sure to include in the chainstay shot?

Every time I look at that bike I see something new.

Anonymous said...

BSNYC,

Why not have a "photoshop this contest" like FARK.com?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:07pm and 2:57pm,

I don't have the necessary skilz but certainly anybody else who wants to try his or her hand at it and email it to me is welcome.

I'm not crazy about contests. To FM radio-y.

--BSNYC

lurker said...

Anonymous 1:36, like The Dude actually knew the difference between a marmot and a ferret. It looked like a ferret to me.

Dude, mark it 8.

bikesgonewild said...

...ability to patch a tire w/ a bandana == another 'good' reason to ride w/ no brakes...

...fix gear logic #38...

central dogma said...

is that basement picture from a Resident Evil game?

leroy said...

Now that I think of it, the guy in the "I like track bikes" shirt looks like his bike just told him: "It's not you; it's me. I just have to be alone, by myself, with someone else for a while."

Either that or he unfurled his top tube pad and discovered it was an "I'm with stupid" T shirt.

Datamonkey -- thanks. That's gonna jump start my diet.

Prolly said...

Who the hell threw up a TOOL reference on that wall next to the "Devo" tribute bike?

Anonymous said...

"Blogger Prolly said...

Who the hell threw up a TOOL reference on that wall next to the "Devo" tribute bike?"

Some Tool did!

selekta said...

Karl Rover said...

I'd like to see the owner of the "Prince" bike ride it around the streets of Oakland as he proudly states. If he picked the wrong neighborhood (say Bancroft and 88th) he might not make it too far before somebody repossessed his bike and matching outfit.

Yea, no doubt...that pic looks like its somewhere in the hills, or Piedmont, in fact its probably never been riden further than Piedmont Ave! That tacky bike would get jacked in no time around Fruitvale - the thug kids around here love those tacky bikes with anything anodized, esp. gold! Its hyphy baby!

Radioflyer said...

Hey 'snob... Some of us faithfuls are FM DJs... And not all are contest whores.

Fritz said...

If more panels are good for bike shorts, that pink thing should be the ultimate in comfort.

Bikini skiing is fairly common at some of the smaller "local" areas in the spring after things warm up a bit. Always fun to watch.

King George said...

I think the video library is a result of a BMG movie of the month deal gone wrong.

Anyway, I like the devo bike.

Anonymous said...

The video collection guy laced his own wheels. How dorky can you get?

bikesgonewild said...

...squeezing...one...out...ahhhhhh

Cameron said...

My literal interpretation of today's post.

Mr. Steven Crane said...

except for the handlebars, i kinda like the devo bike.

bikesgonewild said...

...old sadhu trick...done properly, one achieves enlightenment...

ruggerknox said...

When I hit the fgg site, I find way more enjoyment reading the posters comments vs. looking at the pictures of their bikes. Seems I would send in some pictures and say "here is my bike." Not these dudes! I've got to share their lament over the daunting choice of medium blue tape over royal blue tape - I don't care.. Or being "teased" with the potential viewing of dude’s bike with "cream" colored tires. And - why does everyone on that site portray some sense that "only they" have cracked the code of bolting and screwing a bike together??? Can't polish a turd. Also – what’s with the blue bandana on today’s Torelli morsel? Witness relocation? Recently “jumped in” to the fgg gang? Apres bank robbery attire? Any suggestions?

Matt in Seattle said...

Speaking of Evil Dead 2, I just scored an abandoned 'Special Edition' VHS copy in the break room at work. Good times!

GFY.

P.S. The GFY is said with all of the fun and respect I can muster. I'm abandoning the word 'Cheers!' since I have seen it used as a closing in 57% of FGG posts. Lame.

Carlos said...

NOt for nothing, but this is probably the most uneventfully boring bsnyc entry i've seen to date.
The two jokes i found flopped, and most of your bicycle critiques were painfully nit-picky.
I hope today is a fluke-- i don't think the internet can handle two bikesnobchicagos.

Bob said...

Come on, my collection is way worse than Redman's! At least you had nothing bad to say about the bike, I mean, you honestly can't because its way better than any of the bikes you have ever posted - err, wait, have you ever?

Now, to answer a few questions: Yes, I bought all those movies, mostly cheap ass dollar finds at local pawn shops. Unfortunately though, BSNYC picked some of the better movies to bad mouth... I mean, hello, Martin Lawrence's "Rebound"? Can't get much worse than that!

As far as the Friend's is concerned... you know you ALL watched that show at one point in your life, I mean it was rated America's number one situation comedy. And since you asked, I am pretty much perfectly matched up with Monica (hence the alphabetization) but would cheat on her as much as possible with Rachel. *Note not one remark about Family Guy and how trendy and hipster that show is, since apparently I am a wicked big hipster?

The bar end plugs are actually Brooks bar end plugs. I figured it would be better to not let such a sweet thing go to waste. They were hand stained to match the brown leather, and the BROOKS logo was detailed in silver paint to match the hardware. Yes I glued them in, so don't try to steal them (because we all know you secretly wish they were yours).

And yes, I built this from the ground up. Carefully picked out all the components, and even laced my own wheels, hence the 4 cross pattern on the rear and the 3 cross on the front (thanks Peter, for pointing that out).

In the words of Adam Sandler: "Got any more brain busters?"

Expect my next build to be photographed in front of my CD collection!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Carlos,

Your dissatisfaction is indifferently noted by me.

Bob,

Thanks for commenting, and for explaining the collection. None of that excuses the multiple "Viva la Bam" DVDs though.

Enjoy the bike,

--BSNYC

PS: I like "Family Guy."

BicyclesOnly said...

Snob likes to make fun of what other bicyclists' clothes but check out the get-up he was wearing the other day in the park:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bicyclesonly/2218918824/in/set-72157603606838436/

Anonymous said...

It speaks volumes about the mentality of the FGG crowd that they get pissed on around here and then come back all earnest in the comments section like "yeah well... I do have the video collection of a putz but I didn't pay much for it (I swear!!) and besides you couldn't make fun of my bike or anything haha."

The line between idiocy and irony is thus further blurred.

Bob On A Bike said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
erik k said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cameron said...

eric k,

Your absolutely right. I really just wanted to see if I could put some legs on him.

Nice work:)

erik k said...

Cameron ...

while i appreciate and find humor in your literal interpretation.

"FG tee-shirt with the 70's porn 'stash dressed in that Prince jacket and Legolas' bike shorts."

I believe that he would actually looksomething more like this.

bikesgonewild said...

...erik k & cameron...nice guys, but w/ out those fancy-ass riding sneakers, fake freddy ain't dressed...

...now get back to work...

erik k said...

bikesgonewild said...
"w/ out those fancy-ass riding sneakers"

please elaborate, make, brand, style...ect

mr.complaint said...

erik "special" k

Snob has given a complete paperdoll kit, with background.

How's that for subtext?

eddie said...

that's OBVIOUSLY in a video store, BTW, not the rider's own collection

eddie said...

that's OBVIOUSLY in a video store, BTW, not the rider's own collection

bikesgonewild said...

...i like mr complaint's tag, erik 'special' k...applies to yer photoshopping...

...i was talking about those purple converse, pointy toe ones in today's post...

...go to town, or city as the case may be...give us more mad skillz..

Cameron said...

Fake Freddy Version 2.0 Dressed to impress. This guy will be a Missed Conections all-star once he parades around town in this getup.

Anonymous said...

nicely done, Cameron!!

erik k said...

I was thrown off by sneakers,,, I would refer to those as high heals..

paper cut out pieces aside I wanted to put him in an actual prince jacket... but thats just me using artistic license

Philip Barrett said...

Bob : ... you know you ALL watched that show at one point in your life

Not me, never even seen the opening credits. 'Course I live under a rock in a cave so...

bikesgonewild said...

...somehow cameron, the pose is perfect...mad props...fake freddy lives...

bikesgonewild said...

...i wonder if bikesnob can arrange for a special rate for internet group therapy or is this already the 'ken n' barbie' part of our "working w/ others" craft group ???...

...just askin'...

...but at least all the designs here are an improvement over the soul-less tripe that usacycling provides for national team riders..

lost angeles said...

now, you're hacking on movie collections in the background BEHIND bikes!!! ok bike snob, you officially have waaaay too much time on your hands.

and i wouldn't have it any other way. what would i do without this site when i have waaaay too much time on my hands?

Bob said...

That literally is my movie collection... although it would be quite amusing going to Blockbuster and asking permission to take pictures of my bike inside their store...hmmmmmmmmmm...

yonk said...

"...push the envelope / watch it bed"

Jeez, mix your metaphors much?
That there is a bad graffitto.

yonk said...

"...push the envelope / watch it bend"

Jeez, mix your metaphors much?
That there is a bad graffito.

Nick said...

Now I know who to give my "I like bad mustaches" shirt to.

Also, no comment on the GIGANTIC gearing on the bike with the ferret?

Nick

Cameron said...

After wasting the entire day at work, me and my fast Freddy are going to ride off into the sunset.

bikesgonewild said...

...cameron, if the fashion police arrest you, i'm willing to testify in your behalf...

...like that'll do ya a fat load a' good...

...you & erik k might offer to help the snob 'ruin' the lives of the deservedly so...good stuff...

Andy Pandy said...

Hey Michael’s Balls
Having noticed that you have fallen off the radar most lately I am concerned if you may have suffered an OD in the back of the team truck or was up to your armpits in Cipo. Drop the whole cycling thingo as it is so yesterday. By Jehovah those tattoos will look scary when all of the testosterone and EPO finally fries your skin into crispy bacon. Come across to the dark side of the pro mini golf circuit. There is poon tang to spare here and the drugs are of a quality and quantity that could resurrect the living dead and give them a career in news reading. And plaid allows what is left of your “undercarriage” that has not yet shriveled by designer drugs invented in a doctor’s caravan in the Pyreneans, to breathe. Lycra allows little creatures to thrive and multiply which will make you bad tempered and grumpy. Arrrh so that is the problem

Podium smodium, its all holes in one here

gwadzilla said...

94 Comments?

that blows my mind

but more importantly
can you post more images of that chick with the bikini on skies

gwadzilla said...

oh...

maybe that guy only had one roll of tape

or...

he is a weight weenie
why have extra tape where you never place your hands

erik k said...

cameron,

nice way to wrap up the day.. haha thats a good one

O'Claire said...

You big city fellers sure seem to have taken a shine to one-speeding.

Anonymous said...

more pix of the bikini gal please, tia

Handsome Bastard said...

Late getting up this evening but I might add: Devo bike has much to cringe over, not the least of which is the word Bonty. Ouch. The fact that Campy is universally used does not make Bonty OK! Secondly does it take courage to be a Devo fan these days? Do your friends scorn you for not liking Floyd instead? You renegade.

And for Bob, dear Bob, your DVD collection is neither here nor there, but thanks for the brilliant defense of owning every bad movie or TV show made. I want to date you. Much more curious whether you've every actually broken a brand spankin' new Brooks saddle in to the point where it's half as comfortable as the ubiquitous foam and plastic jobs, we ordinary folks ride. Consider your slavish fashion sense and let my utter jealousy over your sweet ride console you as you're building taint callouses on a frosty Maine morn when that thing's going to be as light and comfy as Seinfeld V.1-6.

Red Lantern said...

101st!

Anonymous said...

That brake lever is obviously so he can practice his madison slings. You have to hold there so you dont wobble the bars when you throw in your partner, right?

urchin said...

I think the explanation for that brake lever is much simpler.

Having seen a couple of these now (thanks a pantload, BSNYC), we can just call out 'brake lever in the wanker position' and move on...

SkidMark said...

handsome bastard

I had Brooks saddle lust many years ago when I was first starting to ride. I HAD to have one (the only appropriate perch for my wool shorts with the real leather chamois). The promise was that once it got broken in, it would give the most comfortable ride out there. It broke me before I broke it. Maybe when I'm rich and famous I can pay some lucky slobs to ride continuous shifts on a stationary bike with a Brooks saddle to break it in for me. By my calculations, it should take a little less than two months of continuous riding to break one saddle in.

Anonymous said...

Hey, nice Marmot!

Anonymous said...

Why do you have to criticize everybody's shit? Does it effect you? Seriously man, keep that snobby, smartass nose of yours in your own business.

Dobie said...

Funny to hear about mechs cutting bars for custy's. We would NEVER cut a drop bar like that. That's too big a safety hazard if the levers came loose or something. We can't afford to be stupid, only customers can do that.

erikv said...

aside from the silly bars and toe clips, what's wrong with the big black bike?

Anonymous said...

Alice Cooper is actually really short. Like 5'5" or so.

Gaahl from Gorgorot said...

Dear Literati Anonymous:

I believe it was Jello Biaffra who once said that TOOL fans are among the most annoying in the music world due to their snotty claims of having realized a higher truth; the prying of third eyes and all that.

Further, Hugh Kenner once stated that nothing was duller than someone's opinion.

When I'm not out there, getting all medieval n' stuff, I like to kick back and watch Viva la Bam. That kid's kra-zee! Did you guys see how he, like, totally pissed off his parents that one time? And that other time they had a food fight! OMG! He's like the uberhero of the whole Norwegian Black Metal scene. I bet he rides a fixie.

As a lifelong (I'm nine) teleskier, more teleskiing sluts please!

Anonymous said...

Really....have your levers ever slipped downward on the drops?
Its not a safety issue.
And who the hell rides in the drops anyway? Unless your in the Tour F-off already. Im inspired to cut all my drops now.

Anonymous said...

'a man is real, not made of steel' IS a devo lyric - check out the song gates of steel. tool is new age german anger music for late twenties tardos and their respective cats.

ZiP said...

"Really....have your levers ever slipped downward on the drops?
Its not a safety issue."

haha, agreed.

PictureSnobTO said...

BSnyc...a reveal shot of the exposed mid-section courtesy of Picasa


...PictureSnobTO

Scott Gordo said...

Nice work on the Litton "Mardi Gras" bike. Don't forget the helmet: http://cgi.ebay.com/Jester-Hat-Purple-and-Gold_W0QQitemZ270024182614QQcmdZViewItem
And whodathunk that someone would come up with uglier cycling clothing than Primal. Those shorts are so awful they're kinda tempting, in the same way those Cipollini zebra jerseys were. Maybe Cipo will convince Ball to hire the designers to Rock Jeans. Schweet.

BotchedExperiment said...

Looking down from the great insane assylum in the sky, Maupassant is no doubt laughing with maniacal glee at having made it onto BSNYC.

Bob said...

"Apotheosis"
noun
1. model of excellence or perfection of a kind; one having no equal.

That is how I choose to build!

Anonymous said...

"Really....have your levers ever slipped downward on the drops?
Its not a safety issue."

Yes they have, after hitting a GIANT pothole. However, the levers slipping off wasnt my biggest problem. The problem was it made the effective brake housing line linger, thus putting both brakes on full force. How I rode that one out, with 2 pinch flats and all, is still a mystery to this day.

Anonymous said...

anonymous 1:19 AM said: "Why do you have to criticize everybody's shit? Does it effect you? Seriously man, keep that snobby, smartass nose of yours in your own business."

Why do you have to criticize everybody's criticisms? Does it affect you? If people are secure, then what random people say on the internet shouldn't matter. then again, if people were secure, they wouldn't post pictures of their bikes on the internet. then again, if i was secure, i wouldn't need to tell you you are insecure.

Anonymous said...

"And who the hell rides in the drops anyway? Unless your in the Tour F-off already."

u = water + vinegar.

meh-wee-uhn said...

Hey, kids, can't we all play nice? What's so funny about peace, love, and understanding?

Anonymous said...

The Bare-Bar-Midriff bar thing is an old cheap-o device used in real track racing -- madison racing especially -- if you're using cotton bar tape, and you want to get some bulk under your hands when on the tops and in the drops, you have to use 4 rolls (2 on each side) but if you skip the middle part of the drop, which you aren't really using anyway in a track race, you can cover the tops and the bottoms with just one roll per side by skipping the middle. That said, I don't think that bike will ever see a velodrome, and it looks like cork tape, making the whole thing a sad affectation.

Anonymous said...

The Bare-Bar-Midriff bar thing is an old cheap-o device used in real track racing -- madison racing especially -- if you're using cotton bar tape, and you want to get some bulk under your hands when on the tops and in the drops, you have to use 4 rolls (2 on each side) but if you skip the middle part of the drop, which you aren't really using anyway in a track race, you can cover the tops and the bottoms with just one roll per side by skipping the middle. That said, I don't think that bike will ever see a velodrome, and it looks like cork tape, making the whole thing a sad affectation.

Anonymous said...

How come so many people double-post as of late?

Anonymous said...

No fair!

The Bells-n-Whistles old-timey fire engine bike doesn't even have a whistle and only one bell.

Just a bottle generator, front and rear lights, a rear rack, bottle cage and bottle, mismatched mudguards each with mudflaps.
and just ONE bell!

What's not to like (for rainy rides in the dark)? I'd just ignore aesthetics, for a vintage British bike, it's completely normal.

Like toad-in-the-hole or spotted dick, it's quite delicious.

The I Like Track Bikes tee-shirt
features Jonathan the Zombie.
He likes turtles. YouTube Nation!

The boiler room Motobecane identity works so well because of the pipe insulation top-tube protector, which may have been already on the bike due to the excellent packing habits of the eBay seller.

This blog never fails to entertain and helps me realize that my commuter is much like Tom Joad's truck.

Thanks, Bike Snob!

Anonymous said...

Somehow you missed the best Fixed Gear Gallery description ever. This is truth in advertising.

http://www.fixedgeargallery.com/2008/jan/1/DavidWarren.htm

"Inferior frame. Crap wheels. Nameless cog. Ugly bars. Cheap pedals. Discount cranks. Broken brake. Warped saddle. Pleather straps. Seatpost is kinda nice though...if you're into seatposts. Conversion by 'Sedgewick.' Sticker work by 4 year old daughter. Ridden by me in Richmond, VA"

Anonymous said...

BTW-While you guys sit on the internet talking trash all day- Flew (the guy with the mustache you are making fun of) has been a working messenger in Copenhagen, Denmark for the last 4-5 years.

Bob said...

Yeah, I don't understand why he is getting made fun of... mustaches are cool. I guess these other people are just jealous they can't grow one?

MUSTACHE/BEARD FOREVER!

Joshua said...

Yeah, I masterbated on my brooks saddle when it was underground... now everyone has spunk stains on their seat. That's so hipster. Color is stupid, and for that matter riding bikes is for communist, elitist, scenester, rich kids that only care about making into the hallowed pages of urban velo! We should all just go back to driving our subaru outbacks anyway!

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