Monday, December 3, 2007

Snow Day: What To Do When You Can't Ride

Here in New York we had our first snowfall of the 2007/2008 winter season yesterday. While it wasn't much and it's already gone, it was certainly a sign that we need to start preparing ourselves mentally for winter. And if you’re a cyclist living in an area that experiences snowfall, at some point this winter you're going to find yourself snowbound. So instead of succumbing to cabin fever, you should be ready to make the best of it by using your downtime productively. Here are some things to do that will keep you from going stir-crazy:

Clean Your Bikes

I am not an advocate of excessive washing, polishing, detailing, or otherwise coddling your bicycle. However, even I acknowledge there occasionally comes a time when a cleaning is necessary. Signs that your bicycle may be ready for cleaning include:

--The chain looks like hemp twine
--Corrosion has effectively rendered your geared bike a fixed-gear
--The small rodent that met its demise in your mountain bike drivetrain has decomposed completely
--You loaded your ‘cross bike on your roof rack and drove to a race the other day. When you arrived the dirt clumps had blown off and you realized you had actually brought your road bike.

The simple way to clean your bike is with a hose, or else with a bucket of water and a brush. However, if you’re a city dweller, you might not have access to a hose, and carting a bucket, a bike, and a bunch of cleaning supplies from your apartment to the street can be highly inconvenient—especially in winter. If this is you, follow these steps to cleanliness:

1) Rinse bicycle in shower (avoid using “pulsing massage” shower head setting directly on bearings)
2) Drip-dry for ten minutes, then airdry with blowdryer
3) Remove chain, cassette, and other small parts such as derailleurs and pulleys, and wash in dishwasher
4) If no dishwasher, line toilet bowl with vinyl window screen. Place small parts in toilet, fill with degreaser, and flush repeatedly
5) Blow dry, re-lube, and re-install

Upgrade Your Bikes

Now is a good time to perform all those vital upgrades that various magazines and websites insist you can’t live without. Here are some things to look out for:

--If the rear cassette of your road bike has fewer than 10 cogs, upgrade to a 10-speed system immediately
--Compact is the new triple, so if you’re still using a triple crank on your road bike discard it immediately. Triples are dorky, whereas compacts are “stealth dork” because people have to look pretty closely to tell you’re using one
--If your mountain bike has a rigid fork, replace it with a suspension fork
--If your mountain bike has a suspension fork, replace it with a rigid fork. (Rigid is the new suspension.)
--Be sure your mountain bike has the correct wheel size. 29” is the new 26”, and 69ers are the new 29ers. And 650b is the new 700c. If this is too confusing, just use 27” road wheels, declare them the new 700c, and wait for someone to make mountain tires for them.

Ride the Trainer

Not having fun on your bike doesn’t have to stop just because you can’t ride outside. Just bolt your bike to the trainer and flail away! Of course, everyone--even roadies--eventually gets bored riding indoors. If time starts passing slowly for you, here are some fun ways to speed it up again:

Make Videos of Yourself

A fan, a scenic backdrop, and some pro team kit is all you need to re-enact great moments in cyclesport. If you have a garage you can even incorporate team car hand-ups. It’s like pro cycling karaoke!

“Three’s Company” Intervals

--This popular sitcom bridged the gap between the 70s and the 80s, and it can also bridge the gap in your fitness. Simply watch it while you ride the trainer and do a 90-second interval each time either Mr. Roper or Mr. Furley looks directly at the camera. You’ll own the sprints next season.

Album/Movie Synch-Ups

--One of the biggest obstacles to reaping the benefits of riding the trainer is forcing yourself to stay on it long enough. One way to make the time fly is with album/movie synch-ups. You’ve probably heard that if you listen to Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” and watch “The Wizard of Oz” they match up perfectly. Well, these aren’t the only ones. Other uncanny matches that will transport you to the end of your workout with their magic are: Bon Jovi’s “Slippery When Wet” with “Sophie’s Choice;” Don Johnson’s “Heartbeat” with “Serpico;” and “Weird Al” Yankovic’s “Dare To Be Stupid” with D.W. Griffith’s “Birth of a Nation.”

Post On Internet Forums

Whether or not you’re actually riding, it’s important to give other people all over the world the impression that you are by gratuitously posting winter-related questions and ride reports to internet forums. Posts that will impress others with your hardiness include:

--“Does anybody know of a handlebar-mounted thermometer that gives readings in Kelvin?”
--“Sheet-metal screws for homemade snow tires— Phillips or slotted?”
--“Help! Motocross tires won’t clear the stays of my Surly Pugsley!”
--“Looking for a cycling-specific periscope for riding through snowdrifts over 6’.”
--Ride reports that include phrases like: “Temps finally above 2 here in Northern Minnesota so I loaded the panniers with sterno fuel and headed out for a ride;” “Day four—we had consumed the last of the seal blubber and Dave was starting to look appetizing;” and “Cold one today—in fact my hands are too cold to move so I’m typing this with my snot-sickle.”

93 comments:

Matt in Seattle said...

Just trying to make an Internet name for myself so I can sell bikes on CraigsList.

robert said...

Ullrich!

The D. said...

Podium!

Anonymous said...

3

Tamas said...

Why should you give up riding in winter? Just get proper clothing and tires. See www.icebike.org

Anonymous said...

not

Anonymous said...

cadel evans

Anonymous said...

seven

sdl said...

great post!

trainers are miserable. i was pretty sure that only triathletes were masochistic enough to use them.

i thought it was pink floyd's dark side of the moon album that was supposed to synch up with the wizard of oz, though.

BikeSnobNYC said...

SDL,

You're right of course. "The Wall" had its own movie, didn't it? Thanks--I've made the correction.

--BSNYC

Wastewater Treatment Plant said...

please do not use a solvent based degreaser when cleaning your bike parts in the toilet. These chemicals are tough to remove at the treatment plant, and could eventually end up back in the environment. A citris degreaser will work just fine and keep the fish and ducks happy.

guero canadiense said...

"...my hands are too cold to move so I’m typing this with my snot-sickle."
It's all fun and games until you have to start using the snot-sickle to shift gears...

Anonymous said...

It's 76 degrees in here in Gainesville, Florida right now.

Anonymous said...

To help removed solidified or solidfy-ing grease, I warm my parts to 180°F in my toaster-oven for 10 minutes on a sheet of aluminum foil. If you are married (or cohabitate), I suggest doing this outside and/or with a thrift store toaster-oven. Don't use a toaster! The grease liquifies and can be wiped off with no solvents. The heat in the parts helps to keep the grease warm while you are doing your cleaning. 180°F is cool enough for just minor redness on the finger tips.

Anonymous said...

OMG BSNYC, this was one of your best posts in a LONG time. I can't even pick a line to quote, every time I hit CTRL-C as I was reading I found something else to copy. Eventually I just gave up and laughed along. I think the people at work are starting to worry about me. Brilliant!

Anonymous 1:29 - Yeah, I do the same thing with all my carbon parts. Give it a try.

Niki said...

Kelvin is so...European. Rankine for the win!

Anonymous said...

Matt in Seattle is selling some FSA wheels on Craiglist, and a picture of himself is NOT in the ad. I think he should go with the flow and include a gratuitous photo of himself on all his ads. Something funny is in order.

He is using a stock photo, probably since his wheels are new, but stock photos are boring.

Cheers,
MattSnobSeattle
(critic of all things Matt)

Josh said...

Ride in the snow! Get some fenders if you're an OCD freak like me. It's fun.

Love,
Josh in Chicago

Anonymous said...

Don't forget about nerdy bicycle lighting discussion (and acronyms): "I've got a 30 Watt HID running from Li-Ion, but can't reduce to the right voltage for LED pulsing."

bother yam said...

Oddly enough "Thriller" synchs with "My Dinner with Andre" in a most uncanny fashion...

Chris said...

so as to not leave out the holy ghost in the household appliance bike-cleaning trinity, i make sure i put my bike parts in the freezer to help loosen stuck bolts, since the metals will contract when frozen.

yeah, right

Jim said...

I celebrate winter old school roadie style - by starting flame wars on bike forums.

C'mon, it's fun. Let's go over to the Serotta.com forums, and start talking about how great our Calfees and Sevens are.

broomie said...

RE: "sdl said...
great post!

trainers are miserable. i was pretty sure that only triathletes were masochistic enough to use them."

Actually, there is a Triathlete subculture that rides indoors. While most of us actually enjoy the outdoors and actually own a second bike we could take to the store, there is a dark cult thats rides in pitch dark on a trainer with bike chains cinched around their thighs like that freak in DaVinci Code. They tape packs of goo all over themselves and flagellate whenever their cadence strays from the holy 95 RPM.

Not that I have ever particpated in such a profane rite. My cousin knows a guy.

Matt in Seattle said...

Holy Crap! I've got my very own personal Snob?!? This is really the top of the hill folks, I hardly know what to say. I'd like to thank my parents first, to the Seattle messenger community for making me savvy enough to shine through the murk of internet forum postings. I'd also like to give a special shout out to CraigsList, without which I could have never accended to the heights I currently enjoy.

Look for my ad in the Swingers section of the CraigsList personals, the photo will be stunning I assure you.

Good Times.

Jim said...

Oh yeah, and a question, BikeSnob.

How do you tell when your bike needs washing if it really is made out of hemp, and you look down at it and notice it looks like hemp?*

http://www.calfeedesign.com/cross.htm

[link in plain text so you know you aren't getting Prolly'ed.


*No hippies were harmed in the manufacturing of that bicycle.

broomie said...

Sevens are for geriatrics with frozen hips and loners in hunter green shorts and purplr bar tape.

Classic Sixes are the new Sevens.

;P

pete said...

Wow, you nailed us Minnesotans, it was 2 in MPLS this am with 8 inches of new snow. I am using my beardsicle to type this, I had to break my snotsicle off, they wouldn't let me in the building this morning. Another great post!

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous December 3, 2007 1:34 PM,

Carbon? I'm fat. Why would I need carbon?

I've done a lot of failure testing of structural materials, and will stick with mild steels.

leroy said...

BSNYC --

Triples are not dorky for riders of a certain age, thank you very much, you young whipper snapper.

Thank goodness the rest of your post had me laughing so hard I didn't need my homemade defibrilator. It's a Sears DieHard in a rusty Ford F-10. Clip one end of the jumper cables to the DieHard, the other to your earlobes while standing barefoot in a snow drift.

(Safety tip: always connect the positive pole to the right lobe. Easy way to remember: "Right on Red, safe to bed; Black on right, very bad night.")

The only hard part is finding someone you trust to gun the engine once you're "clipped in."

Too much juice and it's kind of like electric shock therapy.

That's great for calming down, but it tends to leave one looking like that picture db uses with his posts. And we've been over that.

He's a handsome young man, but really, who needs the confusion?

Now excuse me, I have to bolt some sterno holders to my walker.

Honestly, too cold to ride. What a silly idea.

ryank said...

I'm in New Hampshire, and we're getting some good snow right now. I find that rollers+2 episodes of Bit Torrented "Top Gear" keeps me entertained for a nice two hour session.

Although I'm tempted to try syncing up Weird Al albums with other movies, if only to make my roommates question my sanity even further.

Bad Hair Day and Seven?

Anonymous said...

To Chris December 3, 2007 1:52 PM,

If you want to free something using cold, get your self some dry ice and a foam cooler. When the part really, really cold, hit it with a hammer. Many mild steels will shatter like glass.

WARNING: Don't put your tongue on the dry ice.

Anonymous said...

TOP 35, KING OF THE MOUNTAINS JERSEY!!!!!

nsaid fred said...

Me, I'm training to the Ring cycle.

Anonymous said...

Matt in Seattle,

Your personal challenge is now to identify MattSnobSeattle. Could it be a coworker? Ex-partner? Neighbor? Someone at your favorite bike shop? Checker at the grocery store? Your dealer? The irate driver that you always cut-off? Your proctologist? Former Craigslist buyer/seller?

Strayhorn said...

OK, I'll admit the trainer comes out of the closet when the cold rains start. I set it up in front of the TV and put in something that takes my mind off the boredom of cycling in place -

1. Action/adventure. I'm waiting for the next installment of the Bourne franchise: The Bourne Challenge. See Jason Bourne ride a 'cross bike in Chapel Hill traffic. After narrowly avoiding being run over by a city bus, he has his bike towed in the two minutes he stopped to take a leak.

2. Talkies. Anything by, say, David Mamet. If you have to follow a convoluted dialog path, you'll be reaching for the remote in your jersey pocket so often you'll forget that saddle sore.

3. Porn. Should teach you a lot about building endurance.

4. Eye candy. Cycle while watching the National Geographic channel. You can pretend you're riding through the Rockies or the French countryside when actually you're just working away over the sweat-stained carpet in your basement.

Winter sucks.

leroy said...

Oh well, if we're talking about music to train by, you can't do much better than singing Elmer Fudd's "Kill the rabbit, Kill the ra-bbit" to the tune of the Ride of the Valkeryies.

It works like a charm to ward off those pesky interruptions in the gym.

Gator joe said...

Just a reminder you Yankee Snow Clowns, its a balmy 70-something down here in Daytona Beach, FLA

I'm headng out for a ride in shorts, a tank-top and huaraches'

Come on down, we'll ride The Loop!

aaron said...

The bike wash instructions remind of college dorm life. I'm not sure what pissed off the midwestern baseball players more: Mud, road salt, and drivetrain grease left behind in the shower stalls; or leg-shaving in the sink.

Ah yes, good times.

clayton said...

good point. college dorm life is quite similar to NYC living.

claus said...

No discussion of winter cycling is complete without some geezer from Florida giving the weather report from Tampa or Fort Myers, or whatever the hell cities they have down there. We get it, Florida is warm, that's why you all grow oranges or something, and the rest of us live in real states, with seasons and young people.

more.mayhem said...

I would love to try this winter riding thing, but it rarely gets cold enough to snow in the north western 'burbs of Los Angeles.

Although it was a frosty 38 deg F. on my ride to the train station (yes I said Los Angeles and train station) for the trip to work this morning. Does that qualify as cold enough for "winter riding"?

Does it matter that it will be sunny and 75 when for the trip home?

Anonymous said...

Yesterday morning I went for a ride after work.

I saw a friend, stopped to talk with them, and when it was time to leave I realised that my hand had frozen to my stem.

I've been shopping for trainers all morning.

I miss Seattle...hate the cold. :(

-kicks

Anonymous said...

Take it easy on the Floridians. The warm winter weather really is *all* they've got...

Polygraf said...

When I was single I seriously washed my xc in the shower(wich makes a real mess with the whole white tub,oil and water thing) a number of times, Now the wifey makes me go into the hallway or outside. Yesterday morn. thru on the booties and took the XC to prospect park, nothing like fresh snow to fall on and dirty slush on your ass, my fixie was so pissed when we came back home.

Anonymous said...

Anon 2:04 PM: Steel, hu? Okay, try THAT in the microwave then.

bikesgonewild said...

...leroy, while i stand & applaud your lovely elmer fudd / ride of the valkyries transposition, i must fault you on yer pronunciation...
...uhh, that would be "kiw da wabbit, kiw da wa-bbit"...

...hate to be so nit-picky, but please, let's let mel enjoy his rest in peace...

...re: jim's comment as regarding the craig calfee hemp bike..."no hippies were harmed in the manufacturing of that bike"...
...while that may be true, plenty were laid to waste...

clayton said...

if one could quantify misery, summer in florida would measure just shy of the mark set by equatorial rain forests.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, come August we can remind all the Floridians how nice it is in the rest of the country while they're hunkered down waiting for yet another hurricane to pass.

Anonymous said...

TO: Anonymous on December 3, 2007 3:21 PM

The microwave won't hurt the steel, but the steel WILL hurt the microwave.

Just for kicks, cool some critical steel part in some dry ice. Then grab it with some pliers or such, and hit it with a hammer. Mild steels fracture brittlely when "super" cooled. I get my dry ice from fish shops or larger grocery stores.

Anonymous said...

Dude, the one day it snowed in vancouver, we had the maniest alleycat ever. I was working the last CP, and seeing those dudes coming out of the blizzard, dripping with snow, sticking out a manifest, and keeping on going, it was like something from cyclings golden past. I love this sport!

mr.complaint said...

Shouldn't that be "Snow Day: Wimp Out of Your Next Ride"

My dawg ate my Lobster Gloves!

How to sleep on your rollers.

How to be the best bouncer in Spin® Class.

leroy said...

BGW --

You're right! How could I have missed that?

D'oh!

Anonymous said...

Matt,

Are you selling your Royce Union?

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/bik/493968823.html

G-ville Bill said...

There are plenty of young people in Florida including me. The problem with riding in South Florida is the geezers who don't have the facilities to drive anymore, and make getting hit from behind by a car going 5 miles per hour faster than you are quite possible. If you're ever in Florida, come to Gainesville. It's the best city in which to cycle in Florida.

Matt in Seattle said...

Anon 4:04,

You caught me! Damn it! I will have to start posting my CraigsList stuff under full cover of darkness.

Bill said...

Also good for the trainer: rip audio of Phil and Paul calling the last hour of a TdF telecast, edit in random motivational messages from your own "team car," transfer the track to your iPod for playback.

Anonymous said...

WARNING: Your dishwasher may remove the fancy finish from your XTR.

Anonymous said...

So Matt in Seattle,

who do you think is your MattSnobSeattle?

Anonymous said...

hey matt-stalker, mattsnob, et al,
could you please take it to CL missed connections.
thank you.

Prolly said...

or....

Mess Have fun like we were

Matt in Seattle said...

Anon 5:06,

I don't know who my snob is, unfortunately I'm just a little too busy to find out. Between work, riding, and D&D I'm pretty swamped. Perhaps someone would like to research this for me. Maybe I'll hit up 'Missed Connections' since Anon 5:11 brought it up. Good times.

Anonymous said...

Matt in Seattle: D&D, hu? Do you have Pedals of Speed +5? If so, what do you have to roll on the d-20 to beat the Cafe Trolls?

todd said...

In regards to the "Three's Company" training plan, is an interval done when Roper/Furley specifically look at the camera in a deadpan/confused fashion or whenever their gaze catches the camera's eye.

A little clarification would be appreciated as '08 is the year I finally claw my way out of the Cat IV basement.

Matt in Seattle said...

I have:

'Maim Hipster' +4
'Backward Circle' +2
'Convert Crappy Bike' +3
'Post on Internet' +5

It's a bloody mess out there...

Andy Pandy said...

Having been to as far into the back blocks of China as humanly possible I reckon that those dudes would do almost anything to get away from bamboo. So perhaps those wacky technology hipsters at Calfee should send their uber trendy bikes there and the chinese will send back nice things made of bamboo. The hemp should be sent to the west indies where they will swap for empty crisp packets and 2 minute noodles. The joys of a world ecomony

broomie said...

Ooh, a link from Prolly!

Why don't you just tell us what it is?

Anonymous said...

Jim
Good call, adding "Prolly'ed" to the bsnyc blog page lexicon!

Anonymous said...

Prolly eats kitty litter!

Matt said...

Another way to clean chain: rub it with catnip, release kitty. Our white cat has a real affection for chainlube I discovered yesterday when I brought the bike in to change to snow tires. Oh well. Now she'll be easy to find in the snow.

Anonymous said...

here's some serious roller action: a Pugsley on log rollers!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKEHoA_xl-U

bikesgonewild said...

...matt, it sound like it's gonna be a long cold winter unless you like snuggling w/ 'snowflake aka greaseball'...

...major relationship rule..."mess w/ kitty, sleep on the couch"...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

"wacky technology hipsters at Calfee"
Ahhh, yes, Craig Calfee, hipster extraordinaire....He might not be Sachs, but he's as retro grouch as you get with carbon.

broomie said...

re: "robert said...
Ullrich!"


http://www.kumc.edu/rrsnews/archives/2001/2001-3/Interview-Ullrich.htm

How does this relate to BSNYC?

Jim said...

Hey, I don't mean any offense to Prolly. The handle just seems ripe for Verb-ing after he infamously directed everybody to that popup sight. No, I don't think he's a bottom feeder, just a jokester.

Prolly
(prah-le'ee)
tr. v.
Prolly, prollied, prollify.
1. To send unsuspecting web cruisers to an irritating but non-pornographic website via blind link.
2. To cause great mirth among those with a slightly mean sense of humor; corrol: to expose the humorless.
3. To get some guy fired in Sun City, AZ, who wasn't supposed to be browsing the web during his lunch hour, and who got caught when his sys admin noticed the 143 popup windows sucking up all of the bandwidth in the hamburger bun purchasing department at Jack-in-the-Box's corporate headquarters.

Joshua said...

I think that degreasing bicycle chains and derailleurs in the toilet is one of the the 50,000 uses of Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap. It says so on the bottle...somewhere.

Bacchus said...

broomie, it loses something if it has to be explained...so, go back and read the 2nd post.

Trend Setter said...

Hey Prolly, which hoodie were you wearing in your video?

Anonymous said...

TO: Anonymous
December 3, 2007 5:11 PM

70% of the comments on this blog belong on CL's personnals.

Anonymous said...

To: BYNC & Wastewater Treatment Plant December 3, 2007 1:20 PM

While one can be totally be "nonplussed" about remarks such as "...when cleaning in the toilet". Part of systematically and mercilessly disassembling, flushing, greasing, and re-packing what constitutes acceptable material to put down the drain is worth, at the very least, a few words in BSNYC comments section. So on a more serious note (as I rise to the podium)...a true story regarding the "kitchen drain":

When I was a young lad with my first set of wheels, I remember watching my used drained rad fluid drain into the street sewer. What a convenient way to get rid of that smelly poisonous stuff<...fast forward one month to a hiking trip in the Adirondacks> :

Me: "I guess we'll wash our plates but the stream"

Friend: "Sounds like a good plan"

Park Ranger:(coming upon us 5 minutes into wash):
You know you boys should be doing your "thing" at least 20 feet off the edge of the river...

me: Why? (...in a confused voice)

Park Ranger: All this stuff tends to pool at the lakes and 20 feet of earth is a superb filter of left over oatmeal and detergent mix...

The point being is that the education system fails kids in having a chance to get stuff as simple as cleaing up in the outdoors.

I was nearing my mid-twenties at that time but have since taken that Park Ranger's comments to heart and am now aware of my "ecological footprint" in something as simple as what I flush down the toilet.

If these things are taught early in childhood, I don't think BSNYC would have mentioned the time honour winter activity of "bike showering" (tongue planted firmly in his cheek). The reality is that someone out there with a bike has his own mix and version of my "rad fluid" to pour down the drain. Think about it, the next time you pour some Liquid Plumber down your clogged and greased up drain pipe. Now...how's that ?

P.S. Great post...when do you get your Bicycling column?

Anonymous said...

Hey Matt in Seattle.. Is that really a kickstand on the Royce Union that you're selling on Craigslist..? A kickstand..? I thought only girls and geezers had kickstands..

Anonymous said...

I did NOT post on December 4, 2007 9:37 AM.

MattSnobSeattle

Prolly said...

trend setter,

It's my boy's brand Mishka.
http://www.mishkanyc.com/catalog/?cPath=0


Guys, no more Rick Rolling from me, don't worry.

Here's the hoodie.
http://www.mishkanyc.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=0_23&products_id=123

Keeps me safe while I'm barspinning my brittle and expensive carbon wheel in the snow.

Jill said...

"Ride reports that include phrases like: “Temps finally above 2 here in Northern Minnesota so I loaded the panniers with sterno fuel and headed out for a ride;” “Day four—we had consumed the last of the seal blubber and Dave was starting to look appetizing;” and “Cold one today—in fact my hands are too cold to move so I’m typing this with my snot-sickle.”

Awesome. My day is complete.

Stompa said...

sweriously f all this biek cleaning' b.s. put some carharts over your one piece and get ready to do some slip slide stompn' .. Can't ride in winter? I know we get more snow in colorado and there certainly won't be any trainer ridin' bike cleanin' bullcrapz happenin' here..

Anonymous said...

"A citris degreaser will work just fine and keep the fish and ducks happy."

I hate fish and ducks.

Anonymous said...

[Crash]

Hincapie!

Mauricio Babilonia said...

I'm typing this with my chincicle. Cleaner and far more accurate than a snotcicle.

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