Monday, November 19, 2007

Fixedgeargallery...of freakish folk art.

As a cyclist, perusing the entries on Fixedgeargallery can often be bewildering. However, it is much easier to understand them if you approach them not as bicycles but as rolling pieces of folk art. Fixed-gears have become a mode of personal expression in the tradition of graffiti, tie-dyeing, denim jacket painting, body modification, car and motorcycle customization, and paying companies for the privelege of promoting them by wearing their logos on your clothing. And like so many pieces of folk art, with fixed-gears the original purpose of the object has been disregarded in the quest to make it as expressive and ugly as possible. These recent entries open a window into our culture that should be closed, nailed shut, and boarded up:



This bike reaches a level of customization you don't see too often. Equipment-wise, it's pretty conservative--like most fixed-gears set up for road riding it's missing 100% of its brakes and 60% of its handlebars. It does have a cyclocross tire on the front and a road tire on the back, though, which make it a rolling mullet. But what's really impressive about this bike is the graphics. It looks like H.R. Giger threw up on it.










But there's more to folk art than simply expressing your aesthetic tastes. A true piece of folk art teaches the observer about your worldview. This GT-B is a rolling tribute to the straight-edge lifestyle. If you don't know what straight-edge is, it's for people who like the aggression of punk but still aren't ready to give up their Nikes or their nylon workout pants. As you travel down the road of alternative culture, it forks on the way to self-righteousness: going left leads to veganism, and going right leads to straight-edge. If you still like to watch football, you go right. So while this fixed-gear freestyler may seem like the type of bike you'd see in front of the local dive bar while its owner drinks cheap canned beer, you're actually much more likely to see it locked up outside of GNC while its owner picks up another three pound jar of whey protein powder. And the GT-B is a perfect choice for a straight-edge bike: it's wearing padding and that stiff aluminum frame's ready to beat you up.







We've seen style and we've seen statement. But we haven't seen fabrication--until now. The owner's playful intent in creating what is esentially a Hetchins parody bike does not elude me, nor does the impressive amount of work he's put into making it. At the same time, though, I feel that when a fixed-gear bicycle sports what are essentially fake lugs, some Rubicon of hot, bubbling Velveeta has been forded. Much like the custom motorcycle and auto world, bicycle companies watch what the custom builders are doing, identify trends, and then package those trends. As bad as spinning rims are, spinning hub caps are a thousand times worse. As ugly as custom motorycle paint jobs can be, they're infinitely more tasteful than adhesive graphics kits. Similarly, the existence of this bicycle means that we are one step closer to seeing pre-packaged cosmetic lugs with adhesive backings available from Performance and Nashbar. Let's face it--customizing your bicycle may be American, but putting a fake lug on it is a merkin.




91 comments:

Anonymous said...

nyah nyah nyah

Anonymous said...

silver

erik k said...

podium

nodium said...

fauxlugs? You got to be jerkin my merkin.

TOMMY GUN said...

Water Carrier!

Bobbo said...

Merkin indeed

Niki said...

What about all the vegan straight edge kids? Did they go straight at the fork?

Anonymous said...

The last bike.

Wow. Just wow.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Niki,

They transcend the fork and go right to Krishna.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

Ooohhh mullet bike. That guy is ready for anything!

Anonymous said...

Its hard to bike and be Krishna. The robes are always getting stuck in the chain...

aaron said...

I'm stunned speechless by the photo of the oiled SEer. Is that Ray of Today?: First it was youth-core, then krishna-core, now homo-core? Wow.

Or maybe it's a bit more Nacho Libre: Luchadore-core.

guero canadiense said...

My eyes are bleeding.
Fake lugs? Please, someone... make it stop...

Rags said...

Talk about polishing the turd.

The HR Geiger bike is kind of cool, though it seems excessive when people grind the braze-ons off their frames. This is the bicycling version of getting Xs tattooed on the backs of your hands.

n
hxc.
y

-Rags

Anonymous said...

I hate to admit it but I'd be proud to own the Geiger-vomit bike.

erik k said...

fake lugs! whats next carbon warped aluminum stems!? . . .

oh wait.. forget that

Josh said...

STRAIGHTxEDGE mockery and merkins in the same post? i just spit whiskey and barbiturates all over my monitor.

Fritz said...

You guys are fast -- 15 minutes after post and already 17 comments...

I_Like_NH said...

I think I would have died not knowing what a merkin was if it weren't for you referencing one, providing a link, and then me learning about it at work as I check over my shoulder. This might be hard to explain to coworkers. (I'll take the Pete Townsend defense: "I was just doing research.")
Thanks BSNYC

spokey dokey said...

GOD DAMNIT! Why the fuck do straight edge kids that DO NOT LIVE IN DC do the XXX thing? Don't they hget it? It's the DC flag.

flex


>flag

filtersweep said...

That GT looks like it needs its spokes tensioned.... and if I can see it from here, imagine riding it?

What I Think said...

Merkin!!!

Tee hee. I love it.

KanyonKris said...

You had me at "rolling mullet".

7 Seconds Lover said...

You gotta be careful with the straight-edge references, as that term has a lot of history associated with it. Ian McKaye would never ride that bike, but Henry Rollins certainly would. However, Henry liked his beer way too much to be considered straight-edge.

leroy said...

Aaargh, I can't stop the Lee Greenwood "God Bless the USA" type song tribute in my head.

"And my top tube pad is a merkin and my fixed gear don't roll free.

"And I won't forget the mech on meth who painted my bike for me.

"And I'll gladly STAND UP and climb the Willy-B Bridge today,

"Cause there ain't no doubt, I love this bike, God bless the Fixed Gear Gall-Er-Ray!!!

bikesgonewild said...

...merkin the magician oughta quite pissin' around w/ fakin' up cheesy frames & learn how to be a real frame builder...obviously some kinda talent there...

...get on it & ride it, dude...

Marrock said...

These bikes make baby Cthulu cry.

Paul said...

Should have said "1.4 kg canvas pouch of hemp seed protein".

AnnaZed said...

Absolutely my favorite part of Mr. Straight Edge's Academy Award Acceptance Speech … I mean Fixed Gear Gallery Submission… is this:

“ … the wheels are ..(blah, blah, blah) … (thanks to my beautiful bride to be for buying these for me!!!)

He has his fiancée financing his crack habit before they are even married! Arg!

bobby said...

Ahh...but you missed the subtle connection that the owner of the "HR Geiger bike" is trying to make. Most fixies are built up from other bike parts...hence a "frankenbike."

Then there's the famous controversial art by Geiger in the Dead Kennedys "Frankenchrist" album...

Here in lies the connection. Don't be so quick to write off the artistic depth of the fixed-gear freestylers...

Strayhorn said...

Exhibit B offered in evidence looks like a pretty nice vinyl wrap job. Appears someone works in advertising graphics.

From an art director's lofty perch this is called "dog collar labor."

N.B. Yesterday I learned that an acquaintance routinely pays a homeless guy ten bucks to watch his bike while he's eating in a restaurant. I suppose this is good insurance, but is valet parking next?

hatten said...

"rolling mullet"

classic

gewilli said...

mmmmmerkin

GhostRider said...

"Hand-done graphics" suggests that someone drew or painted all those pictures on the first bike's frame...but this is decoupage, folks -- well within the realm of 60-year old menopausal scrapbookers! Is that what hipsters want to be associated with? I mean seriously...Carol Duvall (http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/shows_cds/)?

Clipping pictures out of a book and pasting them onto a frame is something any monkey could do...but I do like bobby's "frankenbike=frankenchrist" logic.

thejakesnakes said...

HA!

Anonymous said...

RE: Geiger Bike. It's funny when you see someone you know has a bike on BSNYC. Michael Hosey is a superfast wunderkid from Sonoma Co.,CA and rides semi pro (i think) for Soulcraft. About as far fropm a fixedgear freestyler as you can get. I think his bike is shite though....

Bluenoser said...

Snob,

I live in the land of "Folk Art". I believe your fortune is here in Nova Scotia running your own gallery. Selling home grown art to the rich Americans that come to visit.

Folk art was explained to me like this. A practioner of fine art will paint a dog that resembles a dog right down to the pre-meal slober.

A folk artist will paint or sculpt a dog. It will have five legs, one eye and two tails. But to this artist it truely looks like a dog. This is folk art.

Snob, you have the vision.

-Bluenoser

Anonymous said...

The guy that made the "Hoopchins" did about 75% of the work required to make an actual Hetchins. Too bad he didn't start with a good tubeset and go the whole way. He's obviously got the skills...

Flametop59 said...

I am now assuming that your are a striking screen writer with some spare time.

Anonymous said...

In my best Marlon Brando voice "The horror, the horror".
Gonna have to send Lt Willard up the river to have a serious discussion with this bunny

mr.complaint said...

Amazingly, all the saddles are level!

greg - utah said...

I find it funny that people talk shit on vegan straight edge.
I guess no one wants to be told they are wrong, if you eat meat/animal anything and see someone who Abstains from doing so, that is like them saying your wrong. and boy do people hate it.
fuck Krishna. I think its fucked up for you to take a blog that pokes fun at peoples bikes and then take shots at what people believe. if you dont think a drug free lifestyle is something that's good for anything thats fine, but, I think you should change the name of the bolg to; "Bike Snob NYC - Belief shit talker" I'm so glad that there is someone like you out here on the internets that knows everything. Because we all know that every person that is straight edge is a macho fucker.

you gotta big milk mouth.

mander said...

You vegan straight edgers need a sense of humour.. maybe you can organize a group buy with the fixed gear hipsters and the commuter nerds.

D Raj said...

Great job (finally) recognizing that many fixies are rolling folk art (nice that you would see beyond your utilitarian framework), followed by an unfortunate piece of fascist claptrap suggesting that this window to our culture should be nailed shut. Those who don't want to look don't have to.

When your wit is lampooning those of us at the extremes, be it fools who imperil pedestrians through their anarchistic riding style, or the pretentious "give me 650B or give me death" crowd, you are at your best. When this same wit is aimed at the creativity expressed in bikes like the three you selected today, it's mostly meanness covered with the merkin of cleverness.

SeattleM&M said...

It's true -- there are non-drinking, non-meat-and-dairy-eating fixie riders out there who don't act like haughty members of an ultra-exclusive alterna-country club. But let's face it -- there are a lot of very visible folks who do act like that, and they seem to want to be seen as special and unapproachable, not to change people's minds.

Step one toward rejoining the human race and presenting cycling and vegetarianism as appealing and available to the ordinary person? Get a sense of humor and stop taking yourself way too seriously.

SeattleM&M said...

Holy crap! I just realized it's NOT RAINING here in Seattle, and I'm sitting hear at the end of the work day typing on my computer. Evil Bike Snob, release me from your tentacles so I can ride my fixie to my favorite vegan restaurant!

leroy said...

Oh dear me.

After reading greg-utah's and d raj's observations, I somehow feel so dirty.

Excuse me, I've got to change in to my hemp and recycled goodyear tire sandals and decoupage a Reverend Howard Finster reproduction onto my bike.

It's either that or buy a Hummer and drive to the McDonald's take out window.

Golly, I wish people could lighten up.

All this negative energy makes me so confused.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Greg and dj raj,

So it's OK to laugh at riders' bikes and not their beliefs? And it's OK to laugh at the brakeless and the 650B crowd and not anybody else? For some, the closer a joke lands to home the less funny it is. But in my opinion the more sacred something is to you the more responsibility you have to be able to laugh at it as you embrace it.

Encasing your own ideals in plexiglas and elevating them above all others can be dangerous. It's like having a bike you never ride, just polish. You don't know what I ride and you don't know what I believe, and there's a reason for that. But if it makes you feel any better then know I couldn't make fun of half this stuff if I wasn't often making fun of myself as well.

I hope you can appreciate that and read and enjoy rather than make the mistake of taking it seriously. Thanks for the comments.

--BSNYC

PS: Sorry to get all serious, but I think you guys deserve an honest reply.

b said...

...gotta agree wit ya, on the serious note, snobster...sometimes being a little self-effacing leads to people considering you in a more serious manner cuz they realize you're not so full of yourself...

...& there has always been a thread of that running through your postings...even if it's not always obvious to everyone...

bikesgonewild said...

...how the hell i did that, i don't know but as you can surmise, that was bgw on that last post...

CrankyCyclist said...

You Merkins are certainly a puzzling bunch.

The second bike confirms all my Merkin stereotypes. Loud. Tasteless. Those hubs hurt my eyes!

The third bike is Disneyland or Las Vegas - a cheap imitation of the real thing.

The first bike reveals the true Merkin genius.
On first inspection, I thought that this bike was your typical Iraq War-inspired camouflaged urban assault vehicle. Closer inspection reveals the camo is actually formed from elements inspired by Hell's Angels body art. Deep!

Todd said...

I dunno about the mullet thing. I think that bike would be more "business up front, party in the back" if the 'cross tire was on the rear wheel, not the front. just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

As much as it is fun to make fun of Oregon, I hate hippies too, some 15 years ago my friend in Eugene started manufacturing merkins, restoring a long-lost but noble tradition. Apparently one of her "clients" going through chemo (who recovered) was delighted with her nether region "rug." In addition to being bike friendly, the state deserves credit for being the home of a number of eccentric proponents of DIY. NYC, I am afraid, is too expensive for oddball experimentation. At one time Brooklyn Black Label struck me as part of a similar tradition, but most of those characters are originally from Minneapolis.

Anonymous said...

aaron said...

I'm stunned speechless by the photo of the oiled SEer. Is that Ray of Today?: First it was youth-core, then krishna-core, now homo-core? Wow.

Or maybe it's a bit more Nacho Libre: Luchadore-core.


There's a nascent manticore-core scene developing in Portland. They don't use tires & get pretty unreasonable when people try to take pictures of their bikes.

Anonymous said...

God damn I love cheeseburgers and bicycles.

Ed said...

I am waiting for a review from bikesnob of the wonderful world of florescent downtube lighting - http://rockthebike.com/

Anonymous said...

hey ed - a cheaper way to do it.

a $2 led blinkie tube from the drugstore and some electrical tape.

works for me, and I don't care if it gets stolen. Also looks really hilariously stupid, and I haven't spent a mint.

Amber said...

Hahah I keep forgetting about the straight edge wrestler! We're so proud to have such a beacon of humanity repping all the edge kids!

Anonymous said...

bikesnob ain't a striking writer - he's on the Google Ad gravy train. ;-)

M. Weed said...

Todd: in that taxonomy, it would cease to be the mullet bike and become the flock-of-seagulls bike.

Bobby said...

Greg - If you respond like that to someone making a mild joke about the straight-edge lifestyle, you're coming across as one of the "macho f'ers" you mentioned. If you're not willing to accept that people are going to disagree with you, then your "movement" isn't worthwhile. Think about it.

And if it still bothers you, maybe you shouldn't read the "internets."

marlo said...

Word to your description of straightedge. I somehow found myself at a straightedge hardcore show a few years ago where the lead singer started talking about the prostitutes he'd seen on his drive to the show and what worthless whores they were.

I left after that.

roll-in said...

the last bike is a perfect 'pimp my ride' customisation!

Anonymous said...

Wow... Idiots like Greg are the reason I left behind the Straight Edge scene. I had friends in high school and college that drank and we always made fun of each other. In college I got so sick of the youth crew shit and right wing politics of the increasingly violent straight edge scene that I refused to identify myself as such. Most of the folks I have talked to that were part of the original DC scene and maintain the "lifestyle" want nothing to do with being called straight edge anymore. I don't blame them. It was a rebellion against "Rock N Roll Bullshit" as the GIs would say, not against normal folks who can responsibly enjoy a beer or whatever other social lubricant they like...

mojito said...

I dig the first bike (The Giger Vomit) & adore the last (The Psuedo Hoopty). I'd ride either and be a very happy man. Come on, faux lugs are no big deal; they are mere ornaments to present an overall effect. Does your bike have a sticker on it? Do you care about your paint color? If yes, then you care about your bike's appearance. Don't make me give you the M Streep speach from Devil Wears Prada about the utility of fashion.

For once, Bikesnob, you're off, way off. And I suspect you know it, deep down. OK, may be not that deep, but about halfway down, you know it. And no number of tittering comments by sycophants in the above toilet roll should convince you otherwise.

Still, thanks to you, now I know what a merkin is. I assume the well-known critic Daphne is not the eponym.

Anonymous said...

Hey!!! I just realized my Grandma is Straight Edge! I better tell her, then she can tell everybody else. We'll have to put some x's on her cane. Its important that everyone knows here life style choice.

Anonymous said...

I remember a kid I went to high school with that was "edge". He got a big "edge" tattoo on his 18th birthday and always had X's on his hands.

I saw him this spring, at a bar, stumbling drunk, hitting on my wife.

b said...

no, really tho, BSNYC - Belief Shit Talker has a ring to it. It's like L&O Special Victims Unit.

Tim said...

Erik K...

Whoa...I think I just watched the king of all morons. Your youtube link leaves me feeling disturbed but yet amused. Not sure I have ever experienced those emotions simultaneously before...

SkidMark said...

The lugs on the Hoopchins are not fake. It was a lugged frame to begin with, and the embellishments were brazed on and hand-finished with a file. You all wish you had the skill to pull it off you jealous bitches. It was built for a contest where you had to build the best bike you could, for the least amount of money.

I think you need to get off FGG's dick, go bag on velospace.

Anonymous said...

Holy crap, d raj played the "fascist" card on you! Of course, with his complete inability to recognize blatant silliness, that's like the pot calling the kettle a nigger!

-Diggy

Anonymous said...

what was the last trend?

greg - utah said...

Anonymous 12:50 PM

your harshing my mellow freind.

"I had friends in high school and college that drank and we always made fun of each other." oh, and what changed...? you gave in. the cool club moved and so did you.

as for "violent straight edge scene" it looks like you let other people push you around. why let dumbass kids change what you think? Just like fixed wheel bikes. just because people make it into something way the fuck over the top does not mean you also have to be over the top. get real stop following.

social lubricant huh? if you cant have fun with your "friends" with out a "social lubricant" then your life must be pretty dull.

no need to get all puffy, just go drink the problems away. or better yet we can match bowls bra.

PeAK said...

Hey BikeSNOB,
Keep up the fine "snobbing"...despite your self professed lack of photo ability, you can and should compensate by becoming more of a photo snob. Many of the darkish "craigslist" pictures on your site can be "fixed" at the press of a button (...ok, maybe two).
Exhibit A of GT-B fixer:
original image

edited image

The same people who make your blogging gear (and Google )now have a simple set of terse (&free) editing tools named Picasa with a 3 page tutorial.Like "Google" it has some highly original twist on tracking, viewing & virtual edits (original is untouched in all it's darkish glory) of pictures all making for saving disk space and using up less of your valuable time...what's not to like.

Audio_Snob T.O.

bikesgonewild said...

...skidmark...take a look & you'll see a few of us complimented the 'hoopty' creators ability...

...diggy...you wanna talk like that, well, i'd love ta show ya how ya could be wearin' what yer ridin'...get the picture...

...that's the worst kind of offensive bullshit & you freakin' know it...pissant...

...& should you happen to be a brother, that's still the worst kind of offensive bullshit & you oughta know better...pissant...

...just sayin'...& meaning every freakin' word...

Anonymous said...

Greg...

Where in post did I say drink now? I just choose not to identify myself with the straight edge scene. It is nothing more than a label and an excuse for crews to beat up kids for smoking cigarettes at hardcore shows. If that is what you stand for, so be it. I won't judge you any more than I judge the kid that gets trashed and passes out on the floor. Just as long as your not hurting anybody or pushing your beliefs on others and you are willing to accept the same criticism that anybody else takes for living the way they choose. Otherwise I will piss all over you for being an elitist bag wind.

Glad I harshed your mellow...I hate hippies.

PeAK said...

More on Picasa & somewhat off the "reakish" path:

For those loyal readers who have started with BikeSNOB, back in June...here's a link to a revealing updated shot of the "dark Jamis"...still you can't change the Seal of Disproval status

John McBomb said...

I like the fake lug thing, it would be better if it was on a welded frame though. I've toyed with the idea of doing this to my old cannondale beater for a while. not out with some notion of making it "classy" but more to confuse or irritate.

Philip Williamson said...

The 'fake' lugs are no faker than the original Hetchins extensions, they're just added in a non-standard order.

"ooh, I'm straight-edge! I'm a punk! I'm a rebel by not drinking! I live in Utah! I'm a born-again virgin!"

Just a note: when you make fun of OTHERS, it's funny. When you make fun of ME, it's offensive. Can we all remember that? Reminding everyone all the time gets really old.

2drunk2shift said...

The hair pie is sick. thank u. The analogy for straight edge goin right explains my discomfort w/ straight edge. extremism doesn't work 4 me. just chill.

Diggy said...

bikes gone wild,

To set the record straight, my comment using the big bad n-word was entirely a joke with no actual racial overtones whatsoever. I guess it was somewhat irresponsible of me to ignore the fact that such a hot-button can easily overshadow satirical intent. I apologize for my lack of sensitivity, wasn't trying to offend.

That said, I was pointing out how when some people miss a joke and get offended they respond with disproportionate harshness and genuine malice. Unfortunately you did nothing to prove me wrong, with your threatening tone and name-calling. So whether I'm an actual racist or just an asshat making a stupid joke, your anger has brought you down to my level. A pox on both our houses!

Anonymous said...

beavers and cheese! Awesome! and unintentional reference to Primus! Yes, Sailing the Seas of Cheese and Wynona's big brown beaver!

Anonymous said...

hahaha fuck ya the bike matches the x's on my leg and the taste matches my complete lack of judgment. side note, there is no such thing as "was" straight edge you either always are or you never were. get it straight ya freaks before i post the next one in all caps. and whats a bag wind? i always thought it was wind bag but some people get over excited and ahead of typing when themselves ya know? exactly

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Anonymous said...

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dudaklarına yumuldum az bir süremiz Götten Sikiş vardı ve çok istiyordum onu hemen önünde diz çöküp sikini çıkardım kocaman olmuştu bile... Özlemişti beni HD Porno bitanem başladım sikini yalamaya kafasını öpüyor onu çıldırtıyordum sevgilim saçlarımdan tutmuş ağzımı keyifle sikerken çatı katının kapısı açıldı toparlanamadan Lezbiyen Porno komşunun şişman oğlu efecan gelmişti ben dizlerimin üzerinde sevgilimin Liseli Porno siki ağzımda yakalanmıştım hemen bu halimizi gören komşu oğlu Sarışın Sikiş kaçarcasına gitti.. Sevgilim bir süre güldükten Türbanlı Porno sonra bu şişko neden kaçtı korktu herhalde onu sikicem sandı galiba dedikten sonra bir kahkaha daha attı ben sevgilimin Türk Porno sikine deli gibi saldırıyor yalıyor emiyordum boşalmasını istiyor Zenci Porno sütünü içmek istiyordum sevgilim ağzımı sike sike boşaldı hepsini yuttum bir damlasını ziyan Porno etmedim ve sevgilimle vedalaşıp ayrıldık... Ben her defasında sikiş yapmadan önce yazporno diye olan türkçe siteden Porno izle bölümüne girip seyrediyorum azdıktan sonra şahane sikiş ile gözleri kamaştırıyorum.