Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Helmet to Helmet: Cycling's Greatest Rivalries

Cycling is full of epic battles. Anquetil vs. Poulidor, Merckx vs. Ocana, Landis vs. Credibility--each one of these classic clashes has captured our collective imagination. But cycling rivalries go beyond the sporting arena. They exist in the very DNA of cycling itself. Here are five of the most bitter rivalries, none of which we can expect to be settled anytime soon:

LBS vs. MO

Defenders of the local bicycle shop say that online shopping can in no way rival the experience of entering a bike shop, being ignored by a staff of professionals, and paying a premium to cover their salaries. Advocates of mail-order say that buying online frees them from the constraints of being able to handle products and actually knowing what they're getting before it arrives six days later in a mangled box missing half its hardware. But regardless of whether you prefer good advice, bad advice, or no advice, brick-and-mortar and click-and-order will doubtless maintain their adversarial relationship for as long as there is crap to peddle.

Bib Shorts vs. Baggy Knickers

Are baggy knickers the bib shorts of the new millennium? Perhaps. Anecdotal evidence indicates new cyclists are abandoning the tried-and-true bib short and streaming towards the synthetic capri in droves. And they're not just for fixed-gears either. At all times of year, including the hottest summer days, you can see riders on every type of bike showing off an ankle and a few inches of hairy calf as they zip about town emitting a whooshing sound as their nylon-clad thighs brush against their saddles. For the time being, it would appear that the pendulum of cycling fashion has swung back to the age of full-body Victorian swimming costumes. But fear not, leg-shaving devotees of lycra. As long as the pros continue to race in skin-tight kits, millions of cyclists will continue to emulate them.

Jobst Brandt vs. Lennard Zinn

The polls may have closed, but the battle rages on. Cycling's anti-homunculi will no doubt fight on until the apocalypse is upon us. In fact, they may very well bring the apocalypse on themselves. While Brandt faces a dwindling supply of his favorite rim, the Mavic MA2, Zinn must confront the increasingly finicky torque specs and complex installation instructions for the carbon fiber components his minions badger him about in his Velonews Q&A column. Can Zinn stop Brandt from obtaining the MA2 rim extrusion mold, hidden deep within an active volcano? Will Brandt's uwavering loyalty to downtube shifting and helmetless riding be his undoing? Have both of them really solved the problem of bike shimmy once and for all? Only time will tell.

Monstrositor Vs. Gigantitron
Once the apocalypse does come, only two bikes will survive, and they will do battle on the scorched earth of our planet. Monstrositor's 700c rear track wheel allows it to cover vast distances quickly, while its 26" mountain bike front wheel and suspension fork enable it to traverse the vast fields of twisted metal and burnt bodies which will comprise the post-apocalyptic landscape. But most dangerous of all are its pehensile handlebars, which can also gore an opponent. Of course, Gigantitron will have a few tricks up its headtube as well. Like the segmented invertebrate it most resembles, this giant ant of a bike can lift many times its own weight, and its exoskeleton protects it from predators. It may not have Monstrositor's speed, but it does have dual suspension, and that could count for a lot in a future that may or may not have pavement. One thing is for certain, though--Gigantitron will have the last two Aerospokes on Earth, which will make it nothing less than a God.
(Thanks to the readers who forwarded those links, by the way.)

Fashion Vs. Common Sense

This is probably the greatest cycling rivalry of all. In Common Sense's corner are things like fenders, non-proprietary components, and handlebar tape. In Fashion's corner, just to name a few things off the top of my head, are things like:
--Having a computer on your fixed-gear but no brake (saw that the other day);
--Having two tandem stoker brake levers on your handlebars but no brake (saw that the other day);
--Using Zero Gravity brakes but not taking the light brackets off your bike (saw that in a race the other day);
--Wearing a skateboard helmet but not having a brake (see that one all the time);
Sadly, I think Fashion's gaining an insurmountable lead.


GhostRider said...

Regarding the bib shorts vs. knickers, would you rather see all those sweaty, hairy knicker-wearers sporting HOTPANTS or Richard Simmons-esque minishorts?

The knicker crowd may never embrace lycra, but at least they're keeping their hideous star tattoos covered!

Anonymous said...

ghostrider -
I agree that anything covering a star tattoo is a pedal stroke in the right direction.

Also in the Fashion v. Common Sense category:

$100 Toshi straps versus nylon straps out of the free bin at the LBS.

Somewhere there must be a manual that prescribes adorning a newly minted fg with straps worth more than the sad sack wheel set on which they glide.

Anonymous said...

*Using a top-tube protector with straight bars*

Do you think they know???

Prolly said...

But dude, Toshis are so fucking nice! And I have nice wheelsets too.

I'd never ride with nylon toestraps... are you kidding?

Oh wait, if you don't skid at all [or can't] and you have a front and back brake, then yeah, I guess it doesn't matter.

billy said...

Okay, in my opinion it makes no sense to have - 1. straight bars of any kind, or 2. a top tube pad protector. Call it what you will - I call it wrong.

But, can someone explain real quick again why it is ESPECIALLY nonsensical (or in this case, particularly annoying) to have both? I just want a brief, like, wikipedia entry on the forces at play here...

Zentraedi said...

"Fashion versus Common Sense". Genius!

You should head over to There's a considerable amount of both over there, especially in the 'comments' sections...

BikeSnobNYC said...


Track bike bars are liable to swing around quickly when you're off the bike and your hands are off the bars, since they've got no cables to slow them down. If you're not careful, they can easily ding your top tube.

A little bit of leather or bar tape, or a store-bought top tube protector (as in the link), can be a good idea for this reason. This is different from the giant top-tube doggie sweaters people are putting on their bikes today.

It's a ridiculous thing to put on the bike in the picture, though, since he's got flat bars which won't contact the top tube if they spin around. It's only an issue with drop bars.


GhostRider said...

Billy, if you're serious, let me take a crack at explaining why a top tube protector and straight bars don't go together: TT protecters were designed to prevent the end of a drop bar from leaving dents in the toptube of the frame if the bars were turned sharply (front wheel flopping over in a crash or something). Straight (or riser) bars are installed above the frame and do not droop low enough to contact the frame in any way. It's redundant and absolutely unnecessary, and therefore stupid, to install both.

GhostRider said...

Sorry, the Snob beat me to it, and in a much more elegant way. Dammit!

Anonymous said...

The top tube protector is properly serving its functional purpose on that bicycle. Even if you don't think so, a straight bar can still hit the top tube when rotated, thanks to a head tube angle of less than 90 degrees.

billy said...

ahh...I see. Thanks for that.

A little cushy cork bar tape might kill two birds in regards to drop bars.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:43pm,

Yes, good point. But on this particular bike even the pinch bolt on that stem, which is the lowest portion of it, is still well clear of the top tube.

If you look at it in relation to the headset, or put a straight edge along the top tube, you'll see. I confess that after I read your post I did both.

Of course, I could give the guy the benefit of the doubt and say he switches back and forth between drop bars and flat bars. But I won't.


Anonymous said...

What about baggy knicker bibs? We can always use another hybrid...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:43pm,

...of course I totally forgot about head-tube angle. Maybe it would hit the top tube.

Dammit, I need access to that bike!!!


Anonymous said...

Re: the bike with flat bars and TT protector: If you draw a line at 90 degrees to the steerer tube and passing through the end of the bars, anything on the line may get hit by the bar end. On this bike it intersects the top tube right about where the protector is, so the protector is probably useful. I've had several MTBs where that was the case.

fats said...

The big-assed Brooks touring saddle on the "track" bike in question looks out of place to me. Time for an upgrade from the 19th century, maybe?

Prolly said...

Bikesnob. I had someone snirk off some bullshit about my TT protector to me and risers while I was at a light.

I got off my bike, walked up to them, picked up my frame and showed them that the stem its the TT and bounces off the $45 Kashimax...

The dude looked like he was about to shit himself when I walked over to him. Kinda funny...

BikeSnobNYC said...


Hey, that was me!

Kidding of course. That's really funny. Though I don't know what surprises me more--that someone would actually try to call you out on the TT protector in person, or that you stop at lights.


rigtenzin said...

I enjoyed reading this post, especially the Brandt vs. Zinn rivalry.

Am I a bike nerd because I understood every reference to these revered cycling characters?

Niki said...

I own bib shorts and knickers (in fact I think I own the ones pictured in this entry). Sometimes I even wear bibs under my knickers.

I also commute on a brakeless fixed-gear and wear a helmet. At one time I even had a computer on that bike (until it broke).

I will say this though - I don't ride brakeless for fashion. it's machismo.

mr.complaint said...

What's old is new again. It's not the public wear of ye olde Coney Isle, but rather the Wheelman's uniform.

Wool, not nylon, and no brakes:

Nathan said...
Bib knickers have been around for a long time. Not quite the same, of course.

rigtenzin - We are all bike nerds just for reading this. It is better to just accept it.

Aaron M said...

My whole world has come crashing down around me with that picture of Gigantitron... you mean that aerospoke makes disc-brake ready wheels?

I remain flabbergasted.

A complete waste of time said...


Would a TT Pro be used to help a fixie rider protect his/her vegan physique(i.e., skin and bones)? I mean, couldn't it be used to shoulder said steed upon dismounting to clear a passed out bum in the street?

John said...

I dunno, I like my wool knickers. They're very practical: comfortable, all-weather, don't stay wet, hand-washable. I think they look good, too, especially when riding an older steel bike.

BikeSnobNYC said...


Could be, yes, though I wouldn't approve of it. Plenty of cyclocross racers have vegan physiques and they don't use top-tube pads or protectors when shouldering their bikes. Plus, they're wearing skinsuits, not plush hoodies...

I would like to see a skinsuit with some 80s style shoulder-pads, though.


Anonymous said...

Just to put this matter to rest, the Kashimax TT Protector is for the handlebars swinging and hitting a specific portion of the TT, it protects the TT from the bars (or the stem if you're rizing up). The TT Pad usually runs the length of the TT and protects it not from the bars/stem but from whatever you're locking the bike to. You see, messengers grabbed this design to protect their thin TT's from denting sustained due to quickly throwing your bike up to a fixed object to lock it before you run into the building. If you average about 35 jobs a day that's about 35+ impacts with fixed objects every day. I messengered for 5 years, that's a lot of opportunity to damage your livelyhood. So there it is, the original use makes sense but is totally overshadowed by style-mad art school jackasses. Bummer...

Also, BS, my co-worker is constantly asking me to chose one of two Raleighs/Diamondbacks (that's where we work) to ride in a post-apocolyptic world. Thanks for bringing two choices even more dumb than the two 12" girls' bikes we offer. Good times.


Matt in Seattle

A complete waste of time said...


Point taken....


Anonymous said...

All you top-tube snobs - unless you're the sort who never actually ride your bike in a city you would know that a long protector can also protect your paint from light poles and other metal objects that you lock the top tube of your your bike to. For instance I've often come out of a movie to see my bike has swung around (sometimes due to the efforts of someone else locking their bike) and the friction can damage your paint.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Matt in Seattle,

Thanks for the insight as always. I'd be interested in knowing from what city the top tube pad in its current form originates. The first ones I saw in NYC were definitely not on messenger bikes. (NYC messengers traditionally wrap their bikes in inner tubes.) However, more recently, I have been seeing people who may actually be messengers using them. This leads me to believe that, while it may have its roots in messengering, it came to NYC mainly as a style. I'm guessing the NYC messengers who use them either appropriated them from the fashionistas or recently moved here from elsewhere.

Of course it's also possible I never noticed them until the fashionistas started using them.

Anybody have any thoughts?


Anonymous said...

the first TTp i ever saw was fashioned by Cory Bennion of DANK bags in Seattle. used for the purposes Matt put forth. i am gonna say it was at least in 2000. i use mine for the fixed gear i converted from a road bike to fix b/c i live on the 3rd floor and the cable routers would otherwise dig into my shoulder and also on my CX bike for run-ups.. ouch!

Anonymous said...

Knickers? Bib shorts? I saw something worse than a hybrid of the two. About a month ago, some aging, former Hitler-youth rode up to OSU's surplus sale in Corvallis wearing his disgusting dirty lederhosen.....sans shirt! I hope lederhosen never becomes trendy cycling wear.

Matt said...

I've carried a tripod on my rear rack before and I wrapped two of the legs in foam pipe insulation. It just kind of snaps on and works really well to keep the tripod from rattling off the rack (also nice on metal tripod when it's really cold out, those legs are like big heat sinks). It seems that the foam would work well for protecting the top tube when locking to signs, meters, etc. as well but there's few things as dull as grey pipe foam so I suppose it's inevitable that it gets decorated. I think riding brakeless is a bit daft (natural selection will sort that out) but top tube protectors might actually make sense depending on the locking scenario.

The baggy knickers aren't a surprise. NBA uniforms now look like somewhat more satiny versions of circa-1910 bathing costumes, and it's not a surprise so see some urban blowback into cycling gear.

Pity it's so darn hard to ride without inadvertently making a statement. On the other hand, one of the brilliant things about cycling is the scope for recreational disagreement, so we might as well revel in it and buy some of those "Your Bike Sucks" socks.

Anonymous said...

I think we should seperate the top tube pad phenomenon from the top tube protector (be it a little bit of leather, rubber, or 25 feet of electrical tape wrapped around your top tube.

The pad is pure fashion here in NYC, while the protector is a time honored tradition on fixed gear commuters, and messenger bikes. My POS-FG commuter sports eletrical tape wrapped around the top and seat tube to give some protection against the lightpoles, street furniture I normally lock the beast to.

billy said...

the first ones I saw were on a schwinn predator bmx my neighbor had.

I didn't see one again until I noticed some on the fixie dudes' bikes, while they rode in circles and did bar spins - on a tiny patch of pavement.

The similarities between cultures don't end there, unfortunately...

len said...

anon 4:56.

does your top tube actually touch most bike racks? i bet your downtube, seat tube, and seatstays regularly make contact with the bike rack, though. so do you have tube protectors on all your tubes or do you only care about the top tube paint.

using your reasoning you should be going for the tube wrapped tubes.

i can vouch for mtn bikes needing the tt wrap. my 29er has has a strip of paint gone from my brake levers hitting the tt.

just admit it, your a sucker for fashion

Philip Barrett said...

nathan...crikey, some of those bib/knicker whadda-u-call-ems cost more than my frame!

Prolly said...


Who said anything about bike racks in NYC?

In the 3 years I've lived here, I've probably locked to a bike rack two times. Street signs and street lights are the usual objects of choice.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Yes, bike racks are rare here. When you see one you half suspect it's like a big lobster trap, and that someone's across the street in a van waiting for the whole thing to fill up before hauling it away.


Anonymous said...

I plan on getting a nautical star tattoo soon, to support an old friend who was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer (which has a very low survival rate). It's her design as well as her idea to tattoo up everyone she knows, and I am perfectly willing to risk the wrath of the NYC bike community for her sake. Not that I would wear lycra anyway, I'm hipster scum.

len said...

prolly, my bad, coming from a bike friendly town i'd assume there'd be some.

whether locking to a light pole or sing i think my point is still valid. if you're worried about scratched paint more than the tt needs to be covered.

and come on, scratched paint? these are bikes we're talking about

Chazu said...

I would like to see a skinsuit with some 80s style shoulder-pads, though.

I would mention that Style Man wants to be BSNYC when he grows up, but then I'd be forced to admit that I'm aware of Style Man. That is not going to happen.

Niki said...


The huge dent in my top tube would suggest I need a top tube pad.

Jim said...

What's up with all this soft foamy top tube protector crap? God, what wussies. Why not just glue some shards of broken glass to the top tube? That'll provide all the protection you need.

Okay, so you don't want to gum up the frame with glue and broken glass. Fine. Just use some triple strand concertina.

dave said...

kashimax TT protector: $45.

small piece of innertube, attached to the appropriate spot with 2 zip ties: free.

my bike: has dings in many places but none where the bars hit the TT.

Anonymous said...

billy said...
Okay, in my opinion it makes no sense to have - 1. straight bars of any kind, or 2. a top tube pad protector. Call it what you will - I call it wrong.

anonymous said...
All you top-tube snobs - unless you're the sort who never actually ride your bike in a city you would know that a long protector can also protect your paint from light poles and other metal objects that you lock the top tube of your your bike to. For instance I've often come out of a movie to see my bike has swung around (sometimes due to the efforts of someone else locking their bike) and the friction can damage your paint.

You are both fucking idiots.
1. Flat bars are really practical and comfy for commuting short distances.

2. What the hell is the point of protecting your paint job if its hidden under a top tube and you can never see it?

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I was wondering what was going to be the next hot item. Thought it was the anodized colored EAI cogs.

I was wrong.

bikesgonewild said...

...i went for a great late summer / early fall ride today, hung out w/ friends & watched an amazing full moon come up...I HAVE NOTHING BUT LOVE comments except to say, another great column, bikesnob...

Anonymous said...

tt pads were around on BMX bikes well before they became "popular" on fixed gear bike. My son had one on his bmx about 15 years ago but in those days they were called nad protectors

Axel Bridges said...

I have to at least partially agree with Anonymous 9:08 PM:

Flat bars are a perfectly good choice of bar for a large variety of applications, including road riding. They offer a comfortable semi-upright position that can often be more comfortable than drop bars to casual riders. There are many who would probably be better served by getting flat-bar road bikes than by buying whatever the latest hot racing machine happens to be.

As for how they handle for long distances, ask any enduro MTB racer (myself included). I may have drop bars on all of my road rides, but I wouldn't think of doing a MTB marathon with anything other than a flat bar.

John said...

2. What the hell is the point of protecting your paint job if its hidden under a top tube and you can never see it?

Rust & Re-sale value I would imagine. Give the hipsters their credit due - they know these bikes will soon no longer be fashionable and want to maximize their return. Oh you New Yorkers, such the little investment bankers... use the loss on the sale of your fixed gear to offset all the gains you made selling vegan twinkies

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 9/27 12:58am,

Yes, I realize they've been around in BMX for a long time. I had one myself when I raced, since the rules required it. (Surprised I'm not seeing stem pads too, come to think of it...)

I'm more wondering when the first top tube pad purpose-built for an "adult" bike came into being and where. It's kind of like figuring out which was the first human to walk fully upright. (Though it's less of an evolutionary breakthrough.)


RobS said...

Correct me if i'm wrong but I thought top tube pads were also for when you skid and press your thigh against the top tube (Which I find helps quite a bit-at least with a higher gear ratio). I do not (and will not) put a pad on my TT because I think it looks silly and trendy.

Anonymous said...

Anon 9:08...About the TTp, it's not about paint, paint gets scratched all the time. It's about the TT itself, it's the thinnest tube on the bike and most likely to dent with locking/unlocking against posts or poles. No reasonable person is going to be so anal about their paint (except that TT/DT/ST pad guy from a few weeks ago, hilarious), but no one wants a dented TT (or cracked if you're on carbon like I am).

Robs...Skidding is silly, I haven't skid my FG in years because I don't want to replace my tires every 2 weeks and I ride with an elevated degree of control on my bike. Skidding is not a very efficient way to stop, the PowerSlide on the other hand, that's the sh!t!!!! ;)


Matt in Seattle

Novelist Anon said...

Just something to throw into the Brandt/Zinn mix: does anyone remember the fine work of the Bell V1 Pro-wearing Rob Van der Plas? Bike shop workers of the mid-eighties should have fond memories of his tomes.

Anonymous said...

There's nothing quite like the warm, soft and moist feeling of soiling yourself in a pair of skin tight lycra bib shorts while on a group ride. With the advances in today's lycra fabric and chamois padding, clean up is a snap!!

bikesgonewild said...

...i'm proud to say, in regard to the evolutionary ladder, that i was the first in my family to walk fully upright..., however i spend all my time hunched over a toptube,,,sans pad, of course...

Philip Williamson said...

1. The only TT ding I have on any of my four bikes (or any of the ~9 bikes I've ever owned) is on my mtb from the brake reach adjuster on the riser bars. Luckily it only gouged the fatfrickin' decal, since ol' KB is a geeeenius. Still.
2. Scratched paint: heroic. TT pad: moronic. It's like plastick slipcovers for nice couches. "No one can ever enjoy this, because we're keeping it nice!" That's just a rationale for living in my own filth, of course...
3. Knickers: if they don't cinch below the knee, they aren't knickers, they're capri-pants, and Sandra Dee wore them.

Dominic said...

I fall into the 'computer but no brake'
and 'skate helmet but no brake'.

"Regarding the bib shorts vs. knickers, would you rather see all those sweaty, hairy knicker-wearers sporting HOTPANTS or Richard Simmons-esque minishorts?"

I ain't got a choice, you should see the clientele at the shop i work at.

the whole 'top tube pad + straight bar' reeks of the conceited 'stripes and plaid are a no-go' concoction.

whatever man I ride my velodrome bike on the road because it has tubulars. It doesn't have brakes because there's no way to install them.

You know what!?! I think i'm more of a bike snob and you're just a picky knowitall! With more hangups than a seventh generation hotrod garage has pinups.

Anonymous said...

I just want to correct a little
missunderstanding here. That Dolan
bike is mine and was setup this
way as a parody just for the picture.
There is no headset and the handlebars are not tightend.
this is how it usually looks:

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