Worst of NYC Craiglist: More Smarmy Bike Love

Every so often, instead of wading through the congealing muck of the Craigslist bicycles section, I like to go to “Missed Connections” and do a search for “bike.” The cynical side of me is amused at the notion of people riding around on vanity bikes, desperately hoping to be noticed. The cyclist in me enjoys seeing bikes in an unexpected context. (Like when you’re watching random TV show or movie and something bike-related comes up.) And, yes, the tiny poppy seed of sentimentality lodged deep inside my irascible, charred, and toxic soul does hope that somewhere out there two people on bikes will find each-other and find some measure of fulfillment. (At least until their nascent love matures into mutual disgust.)

But mostly I stumbled upon this awhile back and figured “Missed Connections” would be a good place to laugh at people. (And no, I would never place a fake ad on Craigslist. I am a curmudgeon, but I'm not a troll.)

Hott Bushwick Bike Commute - m4w - 25
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-08-09, 10:39PM EDT

Me: Hot cyclist on custom track bike that I hand built, wearing short shorts, bright colors, and lightly covered in sweat. Monday through Friday, 8:10-8:30am.

You: Every single babe that I see heading down the street or up the Williamsburg Bridge with a nice ass, chiseled calves, and tight clothes. Cyclists preferred.

Feel free to give me the updown, followed by your choice in cat calls. Don't worry, I wont bite. I just want to know who is worth stopping for. MEOW!

Cycling has long needed its own Leon Phelps, and we may have finally found him. The veracity of this post is questionable, since if he were for real I’d think he’d be more specific about his route. But for any ladies out there in the ‘Wick hoping he is, keep your eyes open for Richard Simmons on a track bike.

Messenger boy and girl in the window - w4m - 21 (East Village)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-08-08, 9:17PM EDT

Looking for the bike messenger who chained his bike to the fence in front of my window. Showed up twice this evening [since 8pm] and you are super cute. You had a red shirt on. Please see this.

8pm? That is not a messenger, that is a marijuana delivery person.

pink bike celeste handle bar - m4w
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-08-08, 3:03AM EDT

it seemed like i was seeing a lot of you for a while. we were riding in the same direction towards greenpoint on kent several times. i said good morning to you once as i was passing by. then we both had to wait on the polaski bridge one afternoon a couple of weeks ago while a boat was passing through. we mostly talked about you bike. i didn't ask for your number because i was sure i'd see you again soon. where have you been?

Sounds like a passionate conversation. Your insights into her bike must have really captivated her. Savor your memories of the Pulaski bridge and the garbage scow plying the unctuous waters of Newtown creek. Unfortunately, you probably won’t ever see her again because she’s changed her route to avoid you. That scow has sailed. (You could always try contacting the girl looking for the weed delivery service guy, though. Who knows?)