Friday, August 24, 2007

Fixed-Gear Revelry: A Konvergence of Kogs!

When fixed-gear riders get together, things can get very exciting. Like a motorcycle rally, there's a veneer of rebellion over the particle board of conformity. Like a Jewish singles' night, there's schmoozing, kibbitzing, and general mishigas. And like a comic book convention, there's pure, unbridled geekery. Recently, the Fixedgeargallery Fixed-Gear Symposium took place somewhere that wasn't New York or San Francisco, and I've been enjoying the wealth of pictures it has produced. From the looks of things, not since that cocktail party where they let me put my drink right on the table has there been this much fun without coasters. Here are some shots that really brought the spirit of the event home for me. If you want to put on a successful bike rally (as I'm planning to do with the BSNYC Gripe-a-Thon sometime next year), these are the essential ingredients:

Terrorization of the suburbs...





World-class competition, including the grace of skidding...






The blistering speed of a road race...





The poetry in motion that is bike polo...




And the motionless display of colorful plumage that is competitive track-standing.









Like the Sturgis motorcycle rally, there's also gleaming bikes as far as the eye can see...







And rampant toplessness.







And don't forget the merchandizing!





But most of all, there's raw, pure, unfettered bike lust:





Next year in Williamsburg!

71 comments:

bother yam said...

So that's why they don't have stem pads too...

Colin R said...

holy nsfw bikesnob!

ah, but it was worth it.

Jim said...

Hey, better watch it with them topless photos. You let the word out that the sexual orientation of cyclists pretty much mirrors that of the general public, and the idiots who like to scream out their car window will be forced to find another insult besides "get off the road, you fv34ing queer!" Not that the death of that particular grotesque slur will bother me, it's just you, BikeSnob, could be held liable for all the brain injuries that the morons suffer when they try to dream up some new, actually accurate standard highly offensive slur. "Ow... it hurts to think, maww." Of course there is the issue of the rainbow jersey and the world championships: surely, that sends a couple mixed messages.

Say, there's an idea for a contest... "Own The Insult... Come up With a New Standard Insult for Morons to Shout at Cyclists From Their Van/Pickup Truck/BMW!" My vote would be for, "for somebody in lycra, you sure are fat and slow."

bother yam said...

I mostly hear something along the lines of:

"NNNnnGgyyyeahh MMmmrrrff!" as they speed by. Mayhaps my hearing fails me as I age...

Fxdwhl said...

Corey Feldman could beat anyone in a match sprint when he was in his prime.

Anonymous said...

Tryin' to figger this one out... When fixed-wheel skidding, what's the proper form: balls to either side of the stem, or both to one side? And if the latter, is one side preferable to the other -- maybe both nutz to the left to balance the crown in the road? Or does it depend on your frame's alignment?

PS. the guy who showed up in the team kit is HOT

Prolly said...

Anonymous @ 2:03...

Fixed wheels don't roll man.

bikesgonewild said...

...re: 'pure unfettered bike lust' sure, but will you still be my bitch in the morning...

...corey feldman had a prime?? just askin' cuz, ya know, i musta blinked...

Anonymous said...

The most important thing to consider about that post is this...why didn't they ever actually sell Spaceballs: The T-shirt?

-scott

Frank said...

Sorry, BikeSnob, you missed the point on this one. Many things are better when actually experienced rather than observed through images on the internet. The Symposium is one of those things.

lainer said...

speaking of missing the point...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Frank,

If it helps, imagine the author of this site as a cranky cane-wielding bastard who shoos kids off his property. He's kind of a cronic and bitter point-misser. You know, the kind of guy who goes "Bahhh!" and knocks your hand away when you offer him an M&M.

--BSNYC

PS: Wait--cranky, bitter, won't eat fattening foods? I've said too much! Now everyone's gonna think I'm a roadie...

Kevin said...

Hey Loser! Get off the bike before my hot girlfiend leaves my fatass for you! Too long to said at 65 maybe...?

Kevin said...

to be said

damn hangover

Anonymous said...

is that cat actually biting that dogs neck? while it's mounting him... where did you find that? so much more interesting than the fixie people thing..

Prolly said...

Bikesnob, we have a mutual friend and I may disclose your identity.

Scott said...

Anonymous said...

is that cat actually biting that dogs neck? while it's mounting him...


I think the cat is licking him(?) behind the ear tenderly.

Bike Snob, thank you for capturing and outing the wonderful ridiculosity of men with identical unique interests getting together in the hopes that a female might come too and one of then will get laid.

Anonymous said...

hahah I thought the guy in the racing kit was hot too...

However my first thought was did he get lost on his training ride? He looks so out of place in that picture.

NotaDoucheLikeU said...

scott said......
Bike Snob, thank you for capturing and outing the wonderful ridiculosity of men with identical unique interests getting together in the hopes that a female might come too and one of then will get laid.


is that really the first thing you thought of? sad. I think you might be the one in need.

Anonymous said...
Tryin' to figger this one out... When fixed-wheel skidding, what's the proper form: balls to either side of the stem, or both to one side? And if the latter, is one side preferable to the other -- maybe both nutz to the left to balance the crown in the road? Or does it depend on your frame's alignment?

PS. the guy who showed up in the team kit is HOT


are you a chick or just a guy who thinks too much about nutz and guys in lycra?

really, this is a sad attempt at being the Vice, "do's and don'ts" of bicycling. if you had any backing to the shit you talk you'd have shown up that weekend, maybe actually do something worth a damn for the bike community like write a real story or review. instead you hide behind your computer dishing out insults and not-funny sarcasm. you should grow a pair and post yourself riding a bike, if you can.
good luck learing to ride.

Dr. Logan said...

Yeah! I'll bet you can't even ride a bike, butt-head jerk-face! *running away, arms flailing, sobbing*

Anonymous said...

I loled :)

Brob said...

I vote bikesnob. Awesome.

Great tits too. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Ooooh, BikeSnob's drawn the ire of the rough and tumble fixed-gear hipster crowd. I hope for his sake and safety Prolly doesn't reveal his identity. Yikes! High drama!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Notadouchelikeyou,

(Yawn.) I'm not sure why I'm replying, especially on a weekend, but what the hell. Firstly, I'm glad you took the time to visit, and I'm sorry you don't like the site. If Vice does a better job of entertaining you than I do, then I suggest you stick with them. (Though I do hope you continue to read me too.)

As far as doing something "worth a damn" like writing a "real story" or a "review" ... really? I mean, there's not enough of that already? There aren't enough people posting their ride journals and race exploits? There aren't enough people writing about stuff you can buy? There aren't enough people photographing every nut and bolt on their bikes and blogging about them? I should add to that? Really?!?

Trust me, I have no illusions as to my importance to the world of bicycles, or to the world for that matter. But I happen to know that there are people who find this site entertaining. And that's what I have to offer. I don't ask anything in return for it, and I certainly don't ask for you to read it if it makes you angry. There are a million better things to read than my site, so read them.

Lastly, I'm a local bike racer. As I freely admit, I'm not a particularly good one, and you won't find me very high up on the results. But these days most races are photographed, and as such there are plenty of pictures online demonstrating that I do in fact know how to ride a bike. I don't post them to my site because that's not what the site is about. I don't find that entertaining.

It's exasperating to even have to explain this, but this site observes cycling through a specific type of lens. If you don't like how it looks through that lens, put your $.25 in a different pair of binoculars.

Prolly,

Funny, I watched "Zodiac" last night. (I don't recommend it.) Life imitates art...

--BSNYC

tommy said...

notadouche,

you read vice?

douchebag.

robbie invisible said...

ummm ... so, this exists.
link
i'm not really sure it even needs to be pointed out that this is absurd.

skidmark said...

I didn't know hipsters could be tubby and middle-aged. I guess now I am a hipster because the type of bike I first rode in the late-eighties is now trendy.

chicoastro said...

BSNYC, your response to people like Notadouchelikeyou is obviously not mandatory, but good for you. Talk about another one missing the point. The whole scene is wack, but others must ride on in spite of if. This too shall pass.

BSNYC, bravo!

The Ghost of Jerry Reed said...

baha! i love it!!!!

bikesgonewild said...

...w/ any luck, the doods friends 'll pick up on his posting & he'll forever be referred to as "NADADOUCHE" !

...guy's a little 'over-the-top'...

saying you're a man don't make you one said...

I think that it is so funny that someone who would attend the "fixed gear symposium" would front like they were hard. Listen up posengers: You can co-opt our clothes and bikes and bars and culture, but the actual toughness, what makes us grown ass men and makes you just fanboys, is the years on the streets. Talk as loudly as you want, but in real life you are a pussy, and threatening someone over the internet is like running in the special Olympics, even if you win you are still retarded.
Go sulk and polish the keirin bike you bought for way too much money from stratton at keirinculture.com.

big bird said...

hard like kitten

Novelist Anon said...

Every time I think there's no way BSNYC can top himself...yeah.

Also, where did I read that the names people pick for themselves online reflect what they truly wish they could be? Notadouche? Riiiight.

Gordiep said...

That it's called the 'Fixed-Gear Symposium' is what tickles me the most. Judging by the photos, it was a real brain trust, with everyone deliberating the knotty philosophical riddles that trouble cyclists worldwide. I have no objection with folks getting together to have fun (as long as I am invited...), but drop the pretense, folks.

And kudos to BSNYC for handling the gallery hecklers with such grace. Nicely done.

THB said...

No pretense. You are wrong. Just a fun gathering. Lots of various bikes. Lots of various people. Lots of various beer. Lots of riding.

mander said...

YES! Moichandising!

Gordiep said...

THB said...

No pretense. You are wrong. Just a fun gathering. Lots of various bikes. Lots of various people. Lots of various beer. Lots of riding.


Just like Plato used to do. You guys were really kickin' it old-skool.

The Great White Hype said...

Never have I seen so many tattoos and piercings in one place...aside from the year Limp Bizkit played at the Big Day Out music festival in Sydney. And thats just the chicks.

I like the guy taking the fall in the road race picture. I wonder how many of them swapped out rear cogs cause they knew they'd be racing and need a few more gear inches just for the day? I would have.

May I ask what it is with using the words "fixie" or "fixer"? I cant find it in my dictionary, and its pretty thick and all. Should I use the word "racie", or "flattie", or "mountie"? After all, "fixie" and "fixed gear" are both two syllables.

To me, riding a "fixer" implies it needs a lot of work.

A Melbourne guy with no blog said...

Only a Sydneysider would own up to seeing Limp Bizkit. What are you 13?!.. hahaha!

The Great White Hype said...

Melbourne Guy...I didnt say I saw them, I said they played...there were several thousand other bands that year who were much, much, much, much better. I'm sorry we dont have Melbourne's pub band culture any more (no jokes, I truly am sorry).

Last time I was 13 was 1986...

Anonymous said...

posengers haha

Anonymous said...

dear saying you're a man don't make you,

why do so many messengers seem to have such a huge stick up their ass about their job? why is it such a huge gigantic deal if you're a messenger as opposed to not being one? as if it's some kind of calling, a sacred tradition of delivering packages for corporations. no big deal. there are a lot of jobs that are much more difficult and much more dangerous, only they're not nearly as glamorous. and messenger work is only glamorous because so many "posengers" imitate your style. just curious. besides, i have a feeling most "messengers" are just college kids trying to earn a few bucks in the summertime anwyays

lahdnets said...

saying you're a man, i've never met stratton, but i sure like the frame he sold me. how could someone diss that? oh, and i work as a messenger, on one of the frames i bought from him. i just happen to like the jap track frames and think they are well worth the money. have the prices gone way up? nothing wrong with paying top dollar for what you like, want, need... being a messenger will make you almost hate cycling, but in a good way, in the way you hate the one who hurts you so good, so when i look at these posengers just playing around they tend to seem like some great big pantomime, cock tease situation... a mockery at best. fucking clowns.

Cellarrat said...

Sweet site man!

well be checking back offen

Anonymous said...

I would have much better chance of getting my ass laid and/or kicked at Sturgis than at the plato's retreat that was the fixed-gear sym-pose-off.
..any more facial hair and beer and this old possenger will need a recubent..FIXIE, of couse!

middle aged guy with a bike said...

lahdnets....quite the 'holier/cooler than thou' shit will ya! you ride a bike and love it, we ride a bike and love it. i'm not a messenger, nor am i part of the road cycling fraternity. i'm just a guy who rides a bike, loves it and i've ridden all my life (as fast and as crazy as i can get away with). i'm glad you enjoy riding your bike as a job, but some of us want our work to mean more than delivering parcels. you are not special.. get over it... all of you.

Sleepy said...

After reading this smorsgarbord of verbal fencing, toughness, hipsters frontin', Messengers posturin'.. Blah blah.. I'd give up riding my soon-to-have-Brakes track frame if I didn't like riding it so much.

Scott said...

Holy shit that's funny...

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