Cycling Couture: 2008 Primal Wear Sneak Preview

There's no surer way to start an argument among the different sects of cyclists than by discussing correct attire. From the baggy-short and Camelbak-wearing freeriders to the garish, form-fitting lycra-clad roadies, everybody thinks what they wear is right and what everybody else wears is ridiculous. But whether you reconnoiter the rail-trails on a Rivendell Rambouillet, or you terrorize the town on a trendy track bike, you've got to agree that cycling fashion doesn't get hotter than Primal Wear. Here's a look at some of the new fashions they've got coming in 2008:

For awhile now the Primal“Tattoo Arm Warmer” has allowed cyclists to experience the excitement of having tattoos with the convenience of being able to shuck them before you get to the office. But what about riders who already have full tattoo sleeves? Shouldn’t they be able to change lifestyles like underwear too? Well, now they can, because Primal is introducing the “Bare Arm Arm Warmer.” This functional yet stylish accessory will allow the inked to enjoy the look of clean, naked skin. It will be available in a variety of skin tones, each of which will come in three versions: hairless, hairy, and Alec Baldwin.

(The “hairy” version in Caucasian.)

Primal has long offered rock n’ roll jerseys featuring bands such as Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, and the Rolling Stones. This year Primal have got the younger rider in mind and they’ll be updating their offerings into the 80s and 90s with fresh, hip new acts like:

Self-Righteous Aussie Flash-in-the-Pan Midnight Oil:

Proto-grunge snooze-rockers Soul Asylum:



And shrill-voiced Death Metal pioneer King Diamond:




And when it comes to pop culture, Primal doesn’t stop with music. They also pay homage to popular films like “Animal House” and “Scarface.” And for 2008 lucrative new licensing deals will allow them to offer even more movie and TV-themed jerseys. Some of the more exciting ones will include:

CNN Medical Expert Dr. Sanjay Gupta


An entire series of jerseys based on the characters of Don Cheadle:



And “Inside the Actors Studio” host James Lipton:



But with Primal, it’s not just about licensing. It’s also about tongue-in-cheek cycling-specific humor, like the “Part Breaker” and “Crankin’ Stein” jerseys. The punning will continue into ’08 with designs like:

“Put the Hammer Down!”





“Changin’ Geres” (featuring young sex symbol Richard Gere on the front, and aging Buddhist Richard Gere on the back)



and of course “Get On That Wheel!” featuring the tear-jerking pottery-wheel scene from “Ghost”



And speaking of hunks, Primal’s not forgetting the women in ’08 either. They’ve known for years you love butterflies and menstrual-cycle references. For ’08, they’re also adding:

“Flowers ‘N Babies”



“Ellen”


and “Traditional Indian Wedding Costume”




So remember—for 2008, get Primal!