Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Worst of NYC Craigslist SPECIAL EDITION: More Bike Love

For many of us, cycling is something we love. And with anything you love, there are pitfalls to be avoided at all costs. In cycling, one of these pitfalls is trying to commingle love of the bike with other, incompatible aspects of life--like relationships. In particular, seeing a bicycle as some sort of conduit into a life of romantic bliss is a dangerous delusion. Just because you have a bike, or he or she has a bike, or you both have a bike, doesn't mean anything. Coupled with that, as humans we seem to always want the worst thing for us: think fatty foods, intoxicants, and Ksyriums. The result is, if you're predicating a seduction on a bicycle, more likely than not, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. Nonetheless, you can see people heading into this punji stick trap pretty much every day in the Craigslist "Missed Connections" section:

You ran over my cat with your fixed gear track bike - m4w - 24
Reply to: [deleted]: 2007-07-16, 11:04AM EDT
You were the tall, skinny girl in the skinny jeans and winter cap who ran over my cat last week because you could not stop your fixed gear track bike in time. Don't you think you should pay my vet bills? Also, I thought you were cute, even if in a stinky and reckless sort of way. Maybe if we get over this hump we can go hang out together and stuff. Do you like Japanther?

Yes, I already posted this one, but I'm posting it again since he added the bit about "Do you like Japanther?" In fact he's posted this a few times since I linked to it last. Obviously it's a fake, but what's this guy's motivation? Laughs? Attention? Is he trying to solicit serious replies? Regardless, it's a perfect example of people wanting the worst thing for them--like making a keirin bike with no tire clearance, no braze-ons, and no provision for a brake your only ride. She ran over his cat, and guaranteed if they get together she'll end up severing some part of his body in her fixed-gear drivetrain.

your dread mullet is gone.... - w4m - 20 (Lower East Side)
Reply to: [deleted]: 2007-07-14, 3:08PM EDT
but i still like the way the elephant on the back of your leg moves when you ride your bike on Ave A. lets split a pack of blue American Spirits

"Yeah, could you do a tattoo that looks like it's moving when I ride my fixed-gear?" Just like the decals sell the bike, the hair, clothes and accessories sell the person. Another potential disaster. At 20 years old I suppose this poor girl is still about six broke musicians and four STDs away from figuring out what to actually look for in a guy. Though I suppose the fact that she still likes him despite his having cut off his "dread mullet" implies she's maturing a bit.

Woman on Track Bike - m4w - 29
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-07-14, 11:43AM EDT
Saturday morning you were riding w me down 5th ave from 42nd street to union square. i had a white track bike. you had blue shorts and you had yellow bull horn handle bars. ive been looking for a track bike riding partner that can keep up, and your super fast. wanna hit the streets?

Mixing romance and cycling can be tricky. Certainly some people can do it successfully. (Tim Johnson and Lynn Bessette for example.) But more often trying to find a partner whose interest in cycling equals yours is a bad idea. As George Costanza will tell you, worlds will collide. Finding a girl who likes to drink beer and watch sports, or a guy who likes to shop and get manicures (just to employ some tired stereotypes) might seem like a good idea in theory, but you might not be so happy once it actually happens.

That said, I see two potential scenarios here. In the first, an overzealous guy with no riding partners attempts to show off and drops a frustrated and bored girl at every intersection. In the second, an overzealous guy with no riding partners gets dropped at every intersection by a girl who's a much stronger rider than him. I think in either case this guy will eventually learn to do what the rest of us do: regale our significant others with greatly enhanced tales of our riding exploits after we get home.

you were riding the train i was riding my bike - m4w - 23
Reply to:[deleted]
Date: 2007-07-12, 9:39PM EDT

I know this sounds silly, and so late, but i haven't stopped thinking about you. you were on the train and i was riding my bike over the manhattan bridge, tried to give you my number. i remember your dark hair and waving to me. i hope to god you are looking at this, cuz that would fucking rock
yours aaron

Okay, I'll admit it. This one plucked the spokes of my heart. I imagine the kid from "Breaking Away," riding his red Masi next to the Q train as a dark-haired bambina waves a white hanky from within, like a parting scene in an old movie. This idyll is only slightly tainted by his use of the phrase, "that would fucking rock." Of course it's possible that this guy is an unemployed lunatic who spends the day riding back and forth pantsless on the Manhattan Bridge pedestrian path, trying desperately to get the attention of women on the train. And of course it's also possible that what he interpreted as a wave was in fact an obscene gesture of some kind. Nonetheless, I'm going to allow myself to remain deluded, and to imagine that somewhere something is happening that doesn't completely piss me off.


Jim said...

Oh snobtastic one:

That bike/train love guy - if she ever replies to him - how long do you think they go before he realizes he can't stand her because she's the kind of knucklehead with such bad judgment, that she looks at an idiot wearing ragged clothing, with no visible means of support, no discernable vocabulary and no brakes on his bike, and thinks, "Hmmmm... good relationship material..."?

nikcee said...

we get some good ones up here in canadia...
"WTB fixed gear race bike - $800
Reply to: sale-374381591@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-15, 10:31AM PDT

I am looking for the coolest fixed gear bike out there.I have a high paying Internet job,so money is not an problem.I really want one that is for racing.I won't need a brake because I heard that it is not that cool.If the tires are skidded up and the bike looks used that would be better.I will be just riding it from Yaletown to the Royal Unicorn and The Bourbon to party. I used to be into hip-hop and rap, but now I'm feeling the Hipster crowd, mostly for the hotter chicks! Please reply ASAP! I need one for Thursday!

* Location: YALETOWN"

Anonymous said...


Art said...

Speaking of skidded up tires, check this genius out:
Is this brakeless wonder hard to stop because it has Conti Hometrainer tires? Or is it because the description implies that those tires are mounted on tubular rims? I think Boise State is going to want that diploma back.

Also, bonus points for the randomly placed top tube protector.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Oh, my god, that Seattle bike proves once and for all the fixed-gear customizing scene has caught and surpassed the Harley customizing scene in terms of sheer wanton spending and bad taste.


The Conti Hometrainer bike is sublime. It is actually already part of my next post, but for a totally different reason. Thank you for pointing that out. Absolutely stunning.


BikeSnobNYC said...

Oh, Art, I went back and took a closer look at the rims. I'm at least going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume they're clinchers. Mavic did used to make a Reflex clincher in that anodized blue color, if I recall correctly. Though when you're riding around town on a home trainer-specific tire, anything is possible...


Art said...

Thanks. I've only seen the Reflex in tubular, and was wondering how he got those tires onto them.

Anonymous said...

"I used to be into hip-hop and rap, but now I'm feeling the Hipster crowd, mostly for the hotter chicks!"

That's preposterous! The chicks are WAY hotter in the hip-hop scene...seriously!

Anonymous said...

Hey, here is that website i was talking about where i made the extra cash.. later! i'm going to cali next week..check this out

Todd said...

Oh man, I love the home trainer tires. Makes me want to go onto www.lafixed.com and start a thread about how much better polyurathane skids than conventional rubber.

I showed the guys at my local shop your site and I they got a good laugh out of the fixies, which are currently the bane of the service manager's existence.

He said for the past few months there hasn't been a day when a guy in girl's jeans has come in to get his "chain tightened" or a cog swapped. He said whenever they complain about being charged, which is every time, he'll just point to their front wheel and remind them if they can afford carbon they can afford to pay $10 for a cog swap.

Anonymous said...

I had a pair of those blue Reflex clinchers in the late 90's. Same thing as what's now called the Open Pro and what was previously called the Open 4.

big jonny said...

Hey, I've ridden Ksyriums... when they were free!

Placid Casual said...

Jim wrote:

she's the kind of knucklehead with such bad judgment, that she looks at an idiot wearing ragged clothing, with no visible means of support, no discernable vocabulary and no brakes on his bike, and thinks, "Hmmmm... good relationship material..."?

How exactly is one's means of support supposed to be visible when one is riding a bicycle? Were we all issued jerseys with our job titles and tax brackets emblazoned on the back? If so, I didn't get mine. Can I just shout it out when I pass people?

Phentermine said...

Thanks for interesting article.

Anonymous said...

I think "no visible means of support" implies he is seen hanging out from 11 am to 3 am every day. Often face, hand and neck tattoos are involved, and requesting that the girl pay for everything on the first date and every date thereafter can be a clue.

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