Well, That's It For The Year! (Kinda)

So here we are, Friday, December 15th, and not only am I failing to keep the Christ in Christmas, but I also neglected to keep the Dinosaur in Hanukkah:

I can't tell you how hard I'm kicking myself for not ordering that right now.

Oh well, there's always next year.

Anyway, what with the holidays and the year winding down and all the rest of it I am sort of wrapping this blog up until Tuesday, January 2nd, 2018:

Now keep in mind when I say "sort of," what I mean is that I'll almost certainly be back here before then to flog Outside columns and whatever other extracurricular content might get published during that time.  Or maybe I'll have some other piercing insight I have to share with you that simply can't wait until next year.  Who knows?  I certainly don't.

I should also mention that the Bike Forecast will continue through next week, since not everybody's a semi-professional bike blogger who can just roll down the shutters and close the shop whenever they feel like it.  So for those poor schmucks who have to trudge to and from work for another week I will keep the flame burning.

You're welcome.

Speaking of doing whatever the hell I want, earlier today I headed out on Ol' Piney (equipped with Jones H-Bars of course) and took a little spin on the forbidding Trails Behind The Mall:

People always look at me funny for riding through a mall, but I look at them funny for shopping next to a mountain bike trail, so it all balances out:

I even stopped for lunch at Whole Foods on the way home, so all in all the ride was a win for me and for consumerism.

Also of note was the guy walking five dogs and carrying a flag made of caution tape:

What, no dogsled?

Anyway, I finally swapped the stem on Ol' Piney for a shorter, stubbier one as per Jones's recommendation, and while it's only been one ride it does seem to be an improvement.  In fact, I think once I get around to taping the lower section of the bar I may have this new cockpit officially dialed in.  And between the fact that this bike is now: A) exceedingly comfortable; and 2) able to ride over pretty much anything, I suspect I'll be depending heavily on this bike to get me through what's shaping up to be a snowy winter.

Hey, at least I accomplished something this year.

As far as the lengthy list of things I did not accomplish, perhaps the most glaring is my utter failure to curate a proper BSNYC Gran Fondon't.  That means this past spring's Pre-Fondon't becomes the actual Fondon't by default, and the overall winner is whoever made it up the forced dismount first--which based on photographic evidence would appear to be this guy:

Please report here to claim your prize.

And with that I'm quasi-officially semi-signing off.  If you're still holiday shopping be sure to choose something from the gift guide, please let my warmest wishes fill you with holiday cheer, and may you ride boldly upon optimally-inflated tires into the New Year.

Most of all, thanks as always for reading.

I remain,

Yours truly,

Etc. and so forth,


--Wildcat Rock Machine

This Just In: There's A New Outside Column On The Internet And I Wrote It!

Good morning!  Hey, would you look at that, it's a new Outside column!

Basically, it's all about how the importance of making eye contact with drivers is yet another in the endless series of myths to which cyclists are subjected.

Also, I'd like to address this comment from yesterday's post:

Anonymous said...

Why is the suspension-correction bugging you? Sheesh, you are really pin-holing yourself as a real bike-... idk... downer, not a snob. Get on a bmx for a day and have some fun! Do a f*#!n wheelie already.

November 29, 2017 at 1:32 AM

Oh please, I was popping wheelies on BMX bikes before you were even born:

Unless you're older than me, in which case I probably wasn't.

Anyway I rode a skateboard to Petco last night so who's embracing their inner child now?

And with that I'm off to do some wheel-swapping and product-testing, and I'll report back in due course.

I love you,


--Wildcat Rock Machine

This Just In: New Outside Column!

Remember how I said I'd pop back in if there's a new Outside column?  There's a new outside column:

It's all a part of my mission to normalize cycling, or my blithe disregard for bicycle safety, whichever you prefer.

(And in case you missed it you should read my motördoping column too.)

Okay, now time to lube up the ol' blunderbuss and bag me a turkey.  See you on Monday (unless there's some more extracurricular prose to share before then), and if you need me in the meantime I'm over at the Bike Forecast.

Warmrest Regrads,

--Wildcat Rock Machine

My Latest Outside Column Is Up!

And just in time for the weekend too!

Oh, and ironically, my Brompton has suspension:

So there you go.

Ride safe, have a great weekend, and I'll see you Monday!


--Wildcat Rock Machine

This Just In: I'm Off 'Til Monday!*

*Though not really because I have another blog, a column, and I'll be bloviating in person tonight so there.

To Who It Might Concern,

As of today I'll be signing off this blog until Monday, October 30th, at which point I will resume regular updates--however, it's more likely than not that I'll have a new column up on Outside before then, and if so rest assured I'll saunter back in to apprise you of that.

In the meantime, the Bike Forecast will continue uninterrupted.  (Today's post links to a very good article about what an utter load of shit our mayor's ebike crackdown is.)

Finally, if you need me this evening, I'll be here:

Not only is it free, but there will be both beer and banter!

Join us for a fast-paced hour of ideas, entrepreneurs and bikes, capturing the exciting things happening in the bike industry at DRAFT: NYC in Brooklyn.
Directions: 
61 Greenpoint Ave., Greenpoint, Brooklyn
The nearest train is G. Stop at Greenpoint Avenue and proceed to Brooklyn Bicycle Co. We're in suite 638 - buzz 970 and walk around the corner to the elevator and head up to the 6th floor!  
Program: 
6:30 - 7:00 pm: Beer and banter
7:00 - 8:00 pm: Program + Speakers
8:00 - 9:00 pm: More beer and banter  
Speaker Lineup:
- Paul Steely White, Transportation Alternatives          
- Eben Weiss, Bike Snob NYC 
- Courtney Williams, The Brown Bike Girl 

I'm looking forward to a night out on the town, though I can't help but be annoyed that when I lived in Brooklyn nobody ever wanted to come there, and now that I don't everybody expects you to come to Brooklyn.

Though now that I think about it the common theme is that nobody wants to be around me, and I can't say that I blame them.

And with that I bid you a-dew for now.  Ride safe, live dangerously, and I'll see you back here on Monday October 30th if not sooner.

Your's Sinserely,


--Wildcat Rock Machine

Long Weekends Result In More Stable Handling

Go ahead and put your pencils away, because instead of administering a quiz I'm dismissing you all early.

You're welcome.

Also, Monday is Columbus Day, which is still a thing despite all the imperialist implications as well as Columbus's unsettlingly long index finger:

Yes, even in New York City the schools will be closed, though there has been talk of rebranding the holiday as Index Finger Day:

By the way, here's a fun fact:

It has been suggested by some scientists that the ratio of two digits in particular, the 2nd (index finger) and 4th (ring finger), is affected by exposure to androgens, e.g., testosterone while in the uterus and that this 2D:4D ratio can be considered a crude measure for prenatal androgen exposure, with lower 2D:4D ratios pointing to higher prenatal androgen exposure.

I have no idea why any of this matters.

But I bet Columbus was a regular riot at parties:

Anyway, the upshot of all this is that I won't be posting on Monday because I'll be overrun with children, but I will return on Tuesday, October 10th with regular updates.

Please note that I will update the Bike Forecast on Monday, and if you're local today's post includes some important updates about work on the George Washington Bridge as well as the Fred haven that is Nyack, so be sure to visit before making your weekend riding plans.

Oh, and if an Outside column should materialize between now and Tuesday of course I'll pop in here to let you know.  In the meantime, if you haven't ridden my piercing insights on the subject of cylcocross you owe it to yourself to do so:

I figured everyone would call my on my usual BS, but even Tim Johnson said a nice thing about it, and so I live to bloviate another day:

Saving. 100%

(also, nice piece @bikesnobnyc) https://t.co/eMbOq7Dp31

— Tim Johnson (@timjohnsoncx) October 3, 2017

Anyway, enjoy the weekend, ride safe, and I'll see you here Tuesday if not before. 

I love you,


--Wildcat Rock Machine

This Just In: The Outside Is In!

Sorry for the delay, I was engaged in important and tedious business I can assure you was no fun whatsoever.

I did actually have business to attend to while I was out but I don't have to account for myself to you.

Anyway, I'm pleased to let you know my latest Outside column is up and it's all about the cyclocross:

(Spoiler alert: no.)

I should say that it's been a number of years since I last threw my crotch over a cyclocross bike in anger, mostly because I got over driving three hours each way to suck for 45 minutes, but also because yes, it did get a little less hospitable to people like me who really don't give a shit.

In any case, the column is what it is, so make of it what you will.

While I'm plugging myself (gigglechortle), if you enjoy dipshit local news broadcasts about bikes you should check out today's Bike Forecast:

I daresay it's worth it.

And with that, I bid you a-doo for now, and I'll see you back here tomorrow.

I love you,


--Wildcat Rock Machine

This Just In: New Outside Post!

Yes, here it is, the slightly belated Outside column you've all been waiting for:

It's all about how driving to rides is stupid, which is ironic because like the very next day I drove my son somewhere so we could ride our bikes:

I'm nothing if not a gigantic hypocrite.

Anyway, thanks for your patience, and I'll see you back here exactly when I return and not a moment sooner.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Well, So Much For Today's Post!

There I was, all ready to curate an ample serving of the day's mediocrity, when I got a call from the Apple factory informing me that my littlest kiddie is sick:

(Not my kid.  When my kid's sick he gets really pissed off and goes for your nuts.)

That meant I had to go pick him up, because a sick kid can't properly assemble the new iPhone X and it's a real drain on productivity.

Worst part is they dock his wages, and at $.15 an hour that's really gonna hurt my family's bottom line.

As for my productivity, it looks like that's going right out the window now that I've got to put on the Parenting Smock:

(Daddy's parenting smock gets results.)

Rest assured I'll strive to get this operation back on track, but in the meantime the Bike Forecast is updated and available for your perusal, and you can read about how the city of West Haven, CT is banning "reckless and dangerous" cycling in an attempt to outlaw kids on bikes:

See, this sort of thing is going on all up and down the East Coast:

And it's driving the squares crazy.

Anyway, that's all from me for now, but I'll certainly see you back here by tomorrow at the latest.

Thanks for understanding, and if you don't understand then you're always welcome to go fuck youself.

I love you,


--Wildcat Rock Machine

This Just In: New Outside Column!

Remember how I said I'd let you know when my new Outside column was up?

Well my new Outside column is up:

I always keep my word.

Or at least sometimes.

Well I did today.

See you Monday!

--Wildcat Etc. And So Forth

Hiatus Interruptus #4

Okay, so come Tuesday I'll finally be firing up this whole bike-blogging media machine again, at which point the whole rickety contraption will start sputtering to life in a cloud of putrid black smoke.  In the meantime, however, here's my latest column for Outside, which is all about why short rides are awesome:

Yes, in case you didn't know, long rides are totally déclassé should be consigned to the recycling bin along with 23mm tires and that hideous Kelme cycling jersey that somehow infiltrated your wardrobe, though I predict they'll mysteriously come back into style just as soon as my children are grown up and out of the house.

Funny how that works.

Oh, and speaking of my Outside column, you'll be pleased to know the trendy gravel tire I purchased in my last one performed admirably on some actual Vermont gravel:

 

And don't worry, at a tasteful 30-ish miles this particular excursion still qualified as fashionably short.

OK, that's it for me.  I'm off to nurse the last few sips of my vacation, and I'll see you all back here on Tuesday, September 5th, assuming I don't decide to retire between now and then.

Ride safe,

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Hiatus Interruptus #3:

Hello!

I've been away so long I can hardley remmmember how to tipe or speal.  Nevertheless I'm going to attempt to hold it together for long enough to tell you that my new Outside column is up and available FOR FREE (!) on the World Wide Worldwideweb:

Not only is it a particularly good one*, but it's also based on actual firsthand experience:

So there you go.

Okay, that's enough outta me, now back to the grind:

Your's truley,


--Wildcat Rock Machine



*Oh, who am I kidding?  They're all good, because I am awesome.

Hiatus Interruptus #2:

[DISHEVELED BLOGGER IN HAWAIIAN SHIRT SHUFFLES IN]

Just ducking back in to let you know my latest for Outside is now available for your perusal!

It's just the thing to help you waste what's left of your Friday afternoon.

I only hope Sarah Bell of Colorado likes it as much as she liked my last column:

Something tells me she will.

Anyway, that's it from me.  Enjoy and ride safe!  And rest assured I'll be back when I've got something else to flog.

Now back to the hiatus.

[SHUFFLES OUT WHILE SIPPING MAI TAI]

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Hiatus Interruptus #1

Remember how yesterday when I announced my end-of-summer break I said I'd let you know if another media outlet published some of my genius?

Well another media outlet has published some of my genius:

I must say I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out.

When the hell is this city gonna make me the Bike Czar already?!?

Also, while I'm here, in today's Bike Forecast I mentioned this story:

But what I didn't mention was this:

In 2015, he tweeted: “The time when you first take your brakes off and feeling like you’re in a lucasbrunelle movie,” in apparent reference to an American bike stunt film-maker.

Oy.

This of course inspired me to head over to Brunelle's Twitter to see what he's been up to.  And what has he been up to?  Making videos of himself messing with people who (justifiably, I'm quite sure) don't want to ride with him:

Banned from riding with this group, guess I’m a bad influence https://t.co/5QSq2Kimse #badreputation #fuckit #roadporn #cycling

— Lucas Brunelle (@lucasbrunelle) July 29, 2017

Remember the kid who tackled everybody too hard when you were playing ball, and when you finally told him you didn't want him playing with you anymore he took the ball and threw it over the fence?

That kid grew up to be Lucas Brunelle.

Anyway, now back to our regularly-scheduled hiatus!

I love you,


--Wildcat Rock Machine

This Just In: End-Of-Summer High-Ate-Us!

I am an extremely humble individual.

At the same time, it would be disingenuous of me to pretend that I'm not the world's greatest living cycling writer.

Yeah, relax there, Sammy, I said living writer.

And yes, I do consider Mark Twain a cycling writer, since he wrote probably the most entertaining essay ever written on the subject before the safety bicycle was even invented.

Alas, if only he'd had access to lifesaving bicycle helmet technology he might still be alive today:

Just kidding!  I really shouldn't joke about that stuff, because last time I made an obviously false statement about a literary figure the Paris Review picked it up and ran with it:

Fake news indeed.

So where am I going with all this?  Well, all of this is an extremely long-winded way for me to tell you that after today I'll be signing off of this blog [with some important exceptions]* until...September 5th, 2017:

(What I'm assuming things will look like by then.)

See, after ten (10) whole years of blogging I've officially reached the point where I can take a great big selfish end-of-summer hiatus.  Plus, as the world's greatest living cycling writer I need longer-than-usual breaks in order to nurture and cultivate my genius.  You know how giant animals have longer gestation periods?  It's the same when you possess the massive intellect and bottomless spiritual profundity that I do.

Also, now that I'm on Strava I need to devote more time to data analysis:

(Strava is going to destroy my life, I see that now.)

Then there's the family stuff:

(Some other family, not mine.  They look like vacuous people who contribute nothing.)

I'd like to spend more time with them before the summer's up, even if the feeling's not entirely mutual.

Hey, when they get tired of me there's always Strava.

So what about those exceptions I referred to earlier?  Well, here they are:

*Hiatus Exceptions

1) The Bike Forecast: I'll still be updating that daily through the end of this week;

2) Outside: My acclaimed column will continue to take the world by storm on a weekly basis during my absence, so I'll be sure to duck in here whenever they put up a new one;

3) Miscellaneous: If any other media outlet publishes some of my genius while I'm gone I'll pop in and flog that as well.  (Or, if they publish someone else's idiocy and I'm sufficiently inflamed I might come here to vent about it.)

Then there's always Twitter, a medium in which I am delightfully pithy and frothily provocative.

As you can see, winding down my vast media empire for a simple end-of-summer recess is like stopping a freight train...or a brakeless fixie, depending on which cliché you prefer.

Speaking of my extracurricular writings, I do recommend you check out today's Bike Forecast update as it pertains to a New York Times op-ed I found rather troubling:

Also, regarding my latest for Outside:

It generated the usual enthusiasm on their Facebook page:

Sarah Bell Eben Weiss perhaps you are the problem. As both a cyclist and runner I use the pedestrian paths in Colorado extensively. For both safety and courtesy I say "on your left" and appreciate anyone who does the same. You seem really uptight. Maybe you should try getting some exercise.

Colorado, huh?

Yeah, sounds about right.

And with that, I bid you a-doo.  Thank you very much for indulging me during this lengthy but necessary leave-taking, enjoy the rest of August, and may all your rides be transcendent, or at the very least free from flats.

Thank you also for reading the words I type into this magical box, I remain eternally grateful.

Yours sincerely,

And so forth,

Etc, and so on,



--Wildcat Rock Machine, Fredsquire