Friday, September 15, 2017

BSNYC Friday No Quiz But Don't Get Complacent Because I'm Liable To Spring One On You at Any Time

It's Friday, and as usual my latest Outside column is gestating inside whatever magic machine they have that puts it onto the Internet.  Rest assured that as soon as it's rendered I will duly flog it here.  So watch this space:


(When I snap my fingers you will wake up thinking you are Mario Cipollini.)

In the meantime, I'd like to apologize for my extremely poor performance on this morning's mountain bike outing:
(The only thing worse than my choice of line is my choice of jokes.)

Oh, what's that?  You were waiting for me?  Too bad.  As a semi-professional bike blogger I must always heed the Call of the Bicycle.  Also, there's always the Bike Forecast to keep you occupied, and if you don't want to read it because you don't live in New York then that's your own problem, isn't it?

Yes.  Yes it is.

Anyway, I should explain that when I say "poor performance" I don't mean riding slowly.  These days, riding slowly is what I do, and if anything I strive for slowness as it is stately and dignified.  Riding quickly is like shotgunning a fine wine, and I hold those who do so in deep contempt.

No, what I mean by "poor performance" is that I lacked the grace and poise I usually exhibit when riding an all-terrain bicycle.  Indeed, I was putting my foot down out there like this was a command performance of Riverdance:



Oh sure, I can blame the fact I haven't ridden a mountain bike in awhile, or that I was riding someplace I usually don't.  I can even blame the fact that I didn't use a precisely calibrated instrument make sure my #whatpressureyourunning was accurate to five decimal places.  But sometimes--just sometimes--you have to come to terms with the underlying problem:


Which is why I'm going to address the problem by upgrading to a far more expensive bicycle:


Maybe I should get a Farley:
Always kinda funny when corporate irreverence totally backfires.

Then I could set it up with one of these:
Sounds like something you'd keep in the kitchen drawer for making salads.

In any case, by this point we've all got one foot in the weekend so I'll let you go for now, though I'll be popping in again once the Outside thingy is ready.

Enjoy your weekend and ride safe,


--Wildcat Rock Machine




25 comments:

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...bang?

Daniel said...

Podium!

Brian Hattenbach said...

Podium

ClevelandYeah said...

Comment?

Peter Buchanan-Smith said...

Podium

Anonymous said...

Pode?

1904 Cadardi said...

Snob,

Allison Dunlap clicked out and ran the steep drops when she won the World Championships of Mountain Bike Bicycle Cycling so why worry about putting your down.

BikeSnobNYC said...

1904,

It's one thing if you win, but not putting a foot down is all I have.

--Wildcat Etc.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...you suck! not because you suck, but because you got to suck on a bike path while we toil at the desk.

Anonymous said...

Trek named it after a DOG named Farley, not Chris.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...but hey, at least I won the race today!

...so I don't suck.

GreaySpoke said...

Is the Riverdance Final Performance going to be on the quiz? I didn't watch all of it.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Late again, SCRANUS!

janinedm said...

If anyone here was the guy on the recumbent last night headed up the Fred highway to Jersey, I didn't mean to blow you off when I sped my way through a knot of traffic. I usually love talking tire pressure and feigning interest in balance bikes with a fellow traveller on my commute, but I was over it before I'd hit 59th street, thanks to the UN General Meeting. Also, do Mountain Freds even like quantifying like that? The most serious mountain bikers I know spend more time figuring how to get as much beer as possible up the mountain. They'd buy an app for that.

Anonymous said...

I used to think I liked the Riverdance music - now I find it slightly annoying.

Matt said...

So the "ShredMate" shows how "rad" you are. If I were to put one on my bike it would go "are you kidding?" after just a minute or 2. I'd possibly set the lowest "rad" score in in the history of mtb'ing. Pretty much at my age my tires should never be off the ground unless I'm taking my bike in/out of the car. Shredmate wouldn't be too impressed w/ that most likely. Maybe they'll develop a "FredMate" that measure your amount of Fredlieness...that would be more suitable for me.

Pist Off said...

Mountain Freds (Snob calls them Barneys) are just as annoying as Road Freds. Back in the day it was easier, when MTBs were mainly about suffering, weed, and beer on bikes, all in the woods. Now I bore myself thinking about bike minutiae, why would I assume anyone else wants to hear it?

Paul Heckbert said...

Farley could give a good motivational speech to those that suck: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/matt-foley-at-the-gym/n11027

Grump said...

The ShredMate sounds and looks like a jack that you can plug your guitar into while you ride. (and be powered by your e-bike's battery) You could stop in the middle of your ride to hammer out some Symphonic metal riffs.



Not don knotts said...

Did Raleigh ever get sued over the Furley?

Schisthead said...

Picking the right lines is for idiots who are trying to be like other idiots.

Unless they are press secretaries... uh, never mind.
Thought I had a point there.

Render unto Caesar said...

Rumors are hurling around the Al Gore invention that the Israeli Dept. of Culture will be providing Matzo Crackers for the Feeding Zones.

8carlisle said...

Well, if one of your 18 children happens to go out of line, be sure to put your foot down or it will be chaos in the peloton.

leroy said...

Well this explains while my dog was whistling the River Dance music on our commute home last night.

Ride safe all!

JLRB said...

Fredliness is in the eye of the somethingorother