Wednesday, August 6, 2014

To paraphrase a popular song from 1990, "Today is hump day, pronounced with a ump day."

Morning!

That's not a greeting, that's merely an observation.

Let's begin.

First off, I may have written about Citi Bike in no less a periodical than The New York Times, but I save my real insights for Bicycling, who recently published what will surely go down in history as the definitive piece on bike share in New York City:


I totally forgot I wrote this until it popped up on their Twitter, and then I clicked on it and read it again and high-fived myself the whole time because it's just that good.

In other cultural news, I recently received an email from a musician who performs under the name "AK," and she wanted me to know about her new video which she shot in Brooklyn:

The video is about a summer I spent with my girlfriends in Massachusetts, smoking J's and riding to lakes all over the place every afternoon. Now I live in NY and biking here is both terrifying and thrilling and it's one of the best parts of living in this crazy place.

Here is that video:


"Circles" by AK from alexandra kalinowski on Vimeo.

Okay, I'll now give you a few moments to get the obvious comments out of your system:


By which I mean, of course, the comments about how her crank is on backwards:


Anyway, so there she is riding through the part of Brooklyn that looks most like Portland, when all of a sudden an army of gentrifiers emerges like something out of Spike Lee's worst fever dreams:


And here's the view from some asshole's Altima as he lays on the horn and screams, "Get da fuck outta da street!"


Meanwhile, our heroine weaves along because she's intoxicated with delight--or possibly because her, uh, flowers are throwing her off balance:


Then they all head into Prospect Park:


Where they go whatever the blissed-out millennial equivalent of "ballistic" is:


After which they make like they're going to go swim in the lake:


Which we know they didn't do based simply on the fact that they're still alive afterwards.

Seriously, that water's fucking disgusting.

Then they go back to Ditmas Park:


Which is why you can't afford to live there anymore.


In any case, a great big Mazel Tov to AK, and when the Grammys start rolling in I expect to be thanked first.

By the way, did somebody say "Taco Bike?"



I think that they did:


Between the AK video and this I'm beginning to detect a theme (or more accurately a pair of themes) emerging in today's blog posting, though I can't quite put my finger on what it is, so instead here's a close-up of a taco:


Delicious.

Speaking of Portland (which I was awhile back, or at least I mentioned it), obviously they're changing the world by riding bikes, so they're now wondering what would happen if they all drove cars instead:


As it happens, the answer is "Not much:"

Even in Portland, a “day without the bicycle” would have very little effect on congestion.

Even in the bikingest part of the bikingest major city in North America, getting every single bike commuter with a car to drive to work for one day would barely increase auto traffic more than the normal day-to-day fluctuation on any given street. Overall, the impact would be 10 percent in the central business district, 11 percent in the Pearl, 9 percent in Old Town and 11 percent in the PSU area.

Though it would make Zoobomb a lot more interesting:


I suspect a small handful of Portlanders are secretly relieved that they can go ahead and drive their Subarus more often because it really doesn't matter, though I also suspect most of them are shocked to learn that the fate of humanity doesn't hinge on how they get to work in the morning.

And finally, remember Laura Weintraub?  Well, unsurprisingly, she's now crafted a highly contrived redemption narrative for herself in a desperate attempt to prolong her rapidly fading Internet fame and/or re-ingratiate herself with the Santa Paula police:

 

"I had my wake-up call.  And perhaps my mistake can help to bridge the gap and bring greater awareness to both motorists and cyclists alike."

"I, I, I, me, me, me..."  See that?  Everything's going to be okay now that the great Laura Weintraub has come around.  Clearly she's the savior we've been waiting for.

At this point I'm not sure whether she's a sociopath or a megalomaniac, though I suspect it's a little bit of both.

326 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 326 of 326
RoadQueen said...

2O0?

Anonymous said...

Head down!

crosspalms said...

ooh, that was fast

RoadQueen said...

Actually....in the spirit of staying facutal and accurate, there are at least 4 female commenters on today's post.

Who knows how many anons are female.

David Pearce said...

Dear WCRM,

I'm sorry, I am sorry!

"Today is hump day, pronounced with a ump day"....

No, NO, that cannot be left to stand!!

"aN ump day!" "aN ump day."

Dooth said...

Gen, did you watch the video? It's mostly cleavage! And yes, I want to suck her boobies, and no--I'm not apologizing.

caityc said...

to Crosspalms: I read it before I read the comments, didn't watch the taco vid because it won't work on my computer, but everything else, and overall found it mostly boring and vapid, and less worth exploring than the the incisive, insightful remarks of a thoughtful female expressing a sincere opinion in a deluge of idiocy. But thanks a mil for your monitoring, I feel honored to be singled out.

Helen said...

Genevieve and CaityC, what gave you the idea that you are human? What gave you the idea that you can wear skimpy clothes in the heat of summer, and keep cool /feel the breeze as you ride, like the men, and not be blamed for attracting mockery or worse? What gave you the idea that this is a forum for us? It's a blog for men, the default gender. We're OK to lurk and to appear in pictures for people to fap to, but not to be considered as human beings.
We are not serious humans.
Neither Snob nor his fanbois could give a sh#t if we all gave up cycling en masse tomorrow, unless the ones doing it were showing body parts (after all, we're nothing but a sum of our body parts.)
BSNYC is not talking to you.

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babble on said...

Kisses, Queenie! XX

Anonymous said...

wishiwasmerkx @ 7:20 for COD... Game, set and match...

Well done sir.. well done!

Anonymous said...

My Lob.. I never knew there were so many butch lesbians in the biking community.. who woulda thunk?

Anonymous said...

Are you aware that "tacocat" spelled backwards is "tacocat"?

Spokey said...

sorry queenie but RCT beat you.

High 5 to the laid back pedaller.

Spokey said...

did you know that Helen spelled backwards was neleH

I sure didn't

nwgutterbunny said...

Rorschach test: Does anyone else see what I think I see in the picture of the blue corn tortillas on the Taco by Bike K'starter page?

"graduated errian"

Yes, most certainly. And with distinction.

leroy said...

Dear Ms. Genevieve Caityc --

My dog assures me he is incapable of cat calling.

He also wishes to point out that brevity is the soul of wit.

For my part, I look forward to the day when I can ride my bike through Brooklyn wearing my Elvis Presley (the latter years) sequined white jumpsuit unzipped to the navel while lip synching "hunka hunka burning love" and people will comment on my art, not my fashion choices.

Spokey said...

sorry caityc

identifying one of the…what…3 female commentors on a male-dominated, utterly homogenous, predictably sexist thread

but you're a fucking idiot. There have been plenty of commenters and comments that have nothing to do with all the things you object to. Yet you like the others of your ilk do exactly the same thing as you complain about. make assumptions, stereotype, etc.

You don't know how many readers / commenters are male or female. now do you?

You rant on about rape and other stuff yet no one here mentioned that sort of stuff except for you and G. Without going back to look at all the comments, I'm pretty sure that the complainers (that being the three I see) were the first to speak of catcalls and such. Typically pathetic. Making a connections that don't exist to the reprehensible to slime in to your point.

Oh, and here is a thought although snobbie won't like this answer. Don't read it. And in particular don't read the comments.

wishiwasmerckx said...

CaityC, would it surprise you that I did not bother to watch either video? Sorry to knock out the factual underpinnings of your argument, but these particular untalented gals are not worth the time, no matter how low cut their shirts may be.

I am pleased, however, that you have spent such an inordinate amount of time thinking about my penis, so I have that going for me.

Also, try not to take things so personally. Like my good friend ChamoisJuice, I pretty much despise everybody, not just those of the female persuasion.

Unknown said...

Love the look of this storage.bike parking

Olle Nilsson said...

222 -so not reading that many comments this time of night. What is this, a randonneur ride?

Anonymous said...

judge not, lest ye be judged. usually that's me talking to myself, but today we have a special offer for first time commentors.

WACK MISS
MORE BIKE
LESS MIS-
RABL NDRY

babble on said...

Funny - all of those WIWM comments earlier sounded just like his old pal CJ, and very unlike his rather enlightened, even somewhat feminist self.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Ah - the other side of the coin... kisses RCT. XX

Uh, and I was the one who brought up that nasty R word. As in violence against women is prevalent in places with predominantly strict religious overtones.

You know, places where boobies aren't free. Mmm boobies... :D

Mighty Spare Rib said...

Laura Weintraub >>>>> Guinevere

Laura W. was a fucking retard, once, in publi-- got busted for it and has made efforts to recant, repent.

She was raised a dope and now knows better, OK.

Guinever, unless she's a paid troll, is both insistent and oblivious to her own arrogant white absurdity...

And all ** SHE ** can think about is white tits, not even acknowledging the lack of sweet brown sugar dugs.

KA is a dope and an awful folk/pop musician but perhaps this can be a lesson learned?

see ya'll at Pepa's on Flatbush--

Holy Roller said...

When I see a great set of breasts and am tempted to stare, I just say to myself, "What would Jesus do"?

McFly said...

Or “appreciate” their “stunning good looks” in your fucking head, so they don’t feel like the threatened, devalued objects of your unimaginative, dull minds every second of their fucking lives.

This is the option I normally select. Because I am a southern genataliaman.

Anonymous said...

Sexist as it is I concur that 2 1/4" of cleavage makes an otherwise mundane mid-week workday just a little bit more bearable. Take a mental snapshot....then MAKE EYE CONTACT AND KEEP IT. Unless she is giving off the vibe. Then f' it, sneak another glance....this one furtive and longing.

Anonymous said...

Can Thursday be "Cleavage: Part II"? pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

RoadQueen said...

Cat calls, slurping sounds and promises of a nasty good time don't bother me. Why?

Because I'm not a victim, I have a sense of humor, and I don't have a broomstick lodged firmly up my ass.

If being complimented on your appearance (no matter how crassly the compliment is delivered)offends you, then wear a regular T-shirt, not a scoop neck. There are lots of nice looking t-shirts made for women, that are NOT scoop neck, or V-cut.

I wear a regular old T-shirt fr cycling, because my DDD's would be bouncing against my throat if I wore a scoop neck shirt while bent over the handle bars.

If on a 'nice clothing' type of ride where a plain T-shirt will not do, I simply wear a scoop neck that isn't resting on the top of my cleavage while standing up - as I said before, they DO make women's shirts that don't encourage Janet Jackson moments.

This is common sense.

Now, as far as violence against women and feeling intimidated by sexist remarks, that is up to you to choose to either feel like an intimidated victim or....

....be a bad-ass enough bitch to be able to smile, thank them, and carry on taking in the compliment knowing that if they tried to lay a hand on you without invitation, you could surely maim and/or kill them.

That's why *I* don't feel intimidated....because I know that if push came to shove (or attempted rape) I have the tools via hand-to-hand combat and appropriate weaponry to dislocate the Son Of A Bitch's penis from his pelvis before shoving it down his throat to choke him to death with it.

So the moral to this elongated tripe is...

Don't be an offended, intimidated, girly weenie. Strap on your big girl panties and take a compliment once in a while. Then kill them if they try to rape you.




I will say though, in the defense of the guys - I've had a LOT of really crass comments thrown my way, but never once has it turned to rape. So there's that.

YMMV

Boston's Inferiority Complex said...

Bike Boners Kill

BamaPhred said...

Mrs Phred was one of the first female engineers in our company. I soon won her over with my overt displays of chest beating, feces throwing, and the ability to hoot louder than the others on the jobsite.

RoadQueen said...

BamaPhred - you sure know how to woo. ;)

BamaPhred said...

I hear were these ladies are coming from, I really do, and I sympathize with their plight. But, I finally learned that when some car full of teenagers ride by and say "Look at the giant dick on the bicycle." to take it as a compliment.

JB said...

Apparently I passed out early last night.

ce said...

I am an almost middle aged, white male, so I have no idea what the drama is here. Life is peachy! But, while bike riding I have had females hanging out of a car window yelling at me "NICE LEGS!" as they passed by (I was not making a deliberately sexy music video at the time). I felt chuffed for a moment, then felt weird, because I would say that my legs are pasty and skinny, so perhaps the charming ladies were taking the piss. I would never dream of yelling out complimentary/intimidating comments to women in the street.

I get that the context is different, what with historical subjugation of women and a general heighted fear of sexual violence (although it sounds like guns are the great leveller - go RoadQueen), but there you go, a case study. So next time, spare a thought for the poor (pasty) white man.

And please, no more joking comments about Avtomat Kalashnikova's boobies... low hanging fruit.

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Anthropologist Kommentator said...

caityc...

you sure got a lot out my posts, none of which was actually in them.

You must be a psychologist, and therefore you know what projection means.

BTW, do you really believe the average age of breast development is 9-10 years old?

And I quit taking graduate ethnology and human evolutionary ecology courses because they were largely:
1). feminist imperialist indoctrination.
2). socialist indoctrination
4). tautological methods and interpretations (HEE)
3). or so ideographic that it was really psychology rather than anthropology.

And in spite of my heresy against the lastest greatest social movement disguised as a social science, they still gave me my Ph.D. and from a top five program too.





Anonymous said...

Bama Fred...

Won your wife with chest beating, feces throwing and loud hooting you say?

Thanks god there are still southerners.

McFly said...

I still cannot believe bobbies garnered all the attention on Hump Day. In a post called Hump Day. Titties are for Tuesday. Titty Tuesday. Its a thing.

Spokey said...

babs @1:50

I stand corrected. Yes you were

However my point stands. You did not start the flame war. G did.

like getting street-harassed what needs to happen is we should wear different cloth

it's a long way from a blog and blog comments that you can choose to read or not and being harassed in open spaces that are public access, not private.

I also stand by them being hypocrites. Oh, it's mean and bad to write about say bouncing boobs but if you're some poor oppressed lass it's OK to post swinging dick.

I did ponder the possibility that these harpies are goofing on us and just having some fun. That would be great if they got everyone that riled up for fun. It's hard to believe they were actually serious. But you know there are many disturbed people in this world so who knows.

Spokey said...

ce

I am an almost middle aged . . Life is peachy!

It's still peachy when you've worked through that middle age agita and the bits are starting to hurt
a little.

Never have gotten "nice legs". Just thankful it's not "fat ass"

.. low hanging fruit.

That one slipped by me on the first read.

Spokey said...

245

snobbie in hiding?

could this be the day we get a weekday tri-century?

RoadQueen said...

I'll help pull for ya, Spokey.

Spokey said...

thx queenie

now i really feel guilty for pointing out rct got the 200

babble on said...

That's ok - just means more kisses to go round.

RoadQueen said...

It's ok, I knew RCT got the top spot. I'm ok with second - that's better than third. ;)

Podio kisses, indeed.

babble on said...

What I've noticed is that people who are looking for reasons to be offended will always find them. And people looking for things to appreciate will find them, too.

Personally, I always appreciate a woman who is comfortable enough in her own skin to wear her beauty for all the world to see.

Even though I do sometimes ride in a bikini top, I have never felt assaulted by catcalls, though I have noticed that when I wear a skirt, my legs garner a fair bit of attention. If those looks scared me, I would wear something else. And I'm with you, Queenie. If they try anything out of line, just hurt the fuckers.

After all, strong is beautiful.

BamaPhred said...

Actually, I'm ready to get away from the current feminist studies program and back to making sport of freds and wilmas, making fun of tri-dorks, Bret, fixie flaming, boobie and schlong jokes, wise cracks about cracks, pretentious-ness of all kinds, mine included, etc, etc, etc. Don't be a Ben Dover over at any redlights either. A moment's indescretion......

ce said...

Spokey, by all accounts we've got it easy.

Hopefully, one day, gender and race will be non-issues for humanity... when the ruling elite immortal cyborgs and their robot armies subjugate us all equally.

BamaPhred said...

Anon @ 10:33

That was true, uuummm, lets see, 40 years ago, but it's harder to get away with today. It can be done, but you have to be more aware of the pack you are in. Otherwise you come across as a Keith Maddux of IMARUNEMINADEETCH fame.

babble on said...

Ce - it is true, that humanity still has a way to go. When mum was in law school, she was the only woman of 1200 students, and yet I figured the battle was over, that equality was a done deal. I was mistaken.

But rather than trying to shift the paradigm back to a matriarchial world, it's time we consider the future. That's why I am a kidist.

What we do today should be tempered by the well-being of the seventh generation down the line. Not like our world today, where people don't look much further ahead than the present quarter.

BamaPhred said...

Who is it that says "I, for one, welcome our robot overlords?" That's always funny. CE's comment reminded me of that. Getting closer to 300. Boobies and cranks, who would have thought?

Spokey said...


don't look much further ahead than the present quarter.

i can't look further than the present dime.

BamaPhred said...

Babble is on to something. You would have thought that in the years since the Oil Embargo we would have come up with an acceptable alternative. But no, we got Bush I and II, ethanol, and fracking.

crosspalms said...

Bama,
And Keystone XL. Need more ways to fk the planet.

ce said...

I've heard people say that women are better suited to thrive in the modern world and that with new reproductive technology they will be able to take men out of the loop altogether. But just the other day I was reading an article about ectogenesis, where babies could be grown in artificial wombs, so yeah, women are going to be redundant too. Genetically engineered transhuman cyborgs for the win!

ce said...

Team Clone making a break.

1904 Cadardi said...

Tying today's discussion back to yesterday's garments: one of the gents on the fred ride last weekend was sporting his new Assos shorts with the Kuku-penthouse. Swear to Lob it looked like he was wearing codpiece.

ce said...

Holy shit look how fast they are.

ce said...

...and so many of them

ce said...

The clones have taken a commanding lead

RoadQueen said...

Wow, 265 comments already.

ce said...

Just look at their perfectly engineered leg muscles spin those cranks

ce said...

No skinny, pasty legs in the break away

ce said...

out the front of the break away we can see Team Clone rider...

ce said...

um, who is it?

ce said...

...I can't actually tell who it is, they all look the same

dop said...

hey david pearce..what was the name of that song? oh, yeah, "where are the simple joys of maidenhead"

ce said...

powering on

dop said...

that young AK is no assos girl, but she's a welcome change from guys in lycra who shave their legs

ce said...

they don't seem to be tiring

Anonymous said...

Enhanced Armstrong?

Spokey said...

275

Spokey said...

damn too fast 277

ce said...

What a super human effort!

Spokey said...

hurry it up clams

nice day here and the dryer is about to buzz. want to go out and search for local cloans

Spokey said...

280

ce said...

Actually they are super human, aren't they? I suppose a super human effort is to be expected then.

crosspalms said...

a triple century? you guys are awesome. Go clones!

Comment deleted said...

You

Comment deleted said...

guys,

RoadQueen said...

284

Comment deleted said...

with your

Comment deleted said...

comment total

Spokey said...

me?

Comment deleted said...

padding

Comment deleted said...

Yes.

crosspalms said...

robot knows we want to go fast, it's throwing the psychedelic lettering at me

Spokey said...

at least my posts are inciteful

Comment deleted said...

You.

ce said...

Have I been spelling clone wrong all this time?

Spokey said...

293

crosspalms said...

comment padding? Just stuff a pair of socks in the comment.

Comment deleted said...

Inciting riot?

ce said...

No, google searched it. Spokey has it wrong.

Comment deleted said...

Somebody's lurking in the pack...

BamaPhred said...

Sprinting hard

crosspalms said...

kuku comment!

ce said...

Come on robot! Give me a break, I'm on your side!

Spokey said...

congrats

fucking cloning robot got me

Comment deleted said...

Bama for the triple C!

babble on said...

Mmmm nuts. I'm kuku for nuts.

BamaPhred said...

The captchas were killing me, I can't believe we got 300 out of this

xjosel necesitado, anyone?

Spokey said...

congrats BamaPhred

can't let any poseurs try to claim

damn robot won't even let me post congrats

babble on said...

KISSES!!! :D

Comment deleted said...

I suspect, but am not sure, that the captchas get harder as one spews more often.

"square wastedMi" Yes, yes it did.

BamaPhred said...

Beats on chest, throws kisses to crowd, points to sky

Spokey said...

just made it. bama got the 300 in the same minute as snobbie's post

BikeSnobNYC said...

Congratulations, you all get degrees from Bard.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

babble on said...

Oh come on, Spokster. Balls n boobs? Doesn't get any better than this.

Maybe snobbers is taking a while cause he can't keep up with the comments.

babble on said...

LOL! See? Cheers, dooders.

ce said...

Wow, just like Matrix Revolutions, the shitty third installment where the humans finally win.

Congratulations humans.

k-bo said...

NICE SHRT
RONG SIDE
BIKE BLOG

Genevieve said...

Good Morning!

Helen: in all sincerity, thank you for your comment. For some dumb reason I had never thought of BSNYC as too much of a boys' club, but you're exactly right. I actually thought my original comment was innocuous and obvious, and would be treated as such. In my cohort it's not news to point out that making a fuss about some visible breasts is tedious, alienating, and reflective of more widespread problems women have to put up with all the time. But it's dawned on me that the readership here is a lot more male and a lot more out of touch than I thought. Having this argument here has been kind of like trying to talk gender politics with your pudgy uncle, who last changed his mind about something 35 years ago when he got hip to the grooviness of girls going braless, grudgingly accepted that a woman might hold an office job other than secretary, and called that equality. He thinks he is being really subversive and audacious when he tells you some sciencesque things he read on yahoo.com, and when he faux-self-deprecatingly says he is just an animal and his urges cannot be denied. He still has not come to terms with the fact that his boss is a woman, and hasn't figured out (any of the reasons) his wife left him. He always has a little spittle at the corners of his mouth. :(

So, I'm telling myself here like I would with my uncle, you can't teach an old, not too bright, mangy, slow, shit-eating dog new tricks. Nor can they learn the fundamentals of logic, causality, or rhetoric.

To wishiwasmerckx, if you are a man of your word re: your promise at 7:53 last night, then I love you. With every beat of my frigid, shrill heart, I love you more. I want to marry you, stay home wearing some kind of supple and juicy sexapron, making tit-shaped pastries for you while you are out on your slow-assed bike rides and attending Men's Rights meetings, and then we can make sweet love, if you can get it up, or if not I'll just sit and gaze adoringly while you talk, which I suspect you prefer. Let me know if you need some cash for the gun show.

Comment deleted said...

What Snobby didn't mention is that he got full tenure at Bard once we hit 300.

Orestes Munn said...

Don't sit on that uncle's lap.

grog said...

BARD BABE

ce said...

Genevieve, you write sharp and it's interesting to read your point of view. I can't remember you commenting before, but it would be good if you continued to comment. Don't feel that it is simply a boys club mentality, I see it as a club mentality where any dissenters, outsiders or those that go against Great Leader Snobbo are generally ganged up on and attacked by the hive mind. But don't let that dissuade you. The variety makes it a better place. Or at least makes it a more varied shitty place.

By the way, you can call us out of touch, but I think you would find that your progressive social circles are actually the ones that are out of touch with the majority of the backwards ass world as a whole. That may well continue to change if we can avoid a major societal breakdown. So here's to that.

Genevieve said...

ce: you make great points. I know I live in a certain kind of bubble. Somehow I've always associated cycling and progressive politics of various kinds. That may be correct in places and wrong in others though. Anyway, thanks.

ce said...

Actually, that's what I really like about the comment board here, that it breaks that lefty urban cyclist stereotype (and I am a lefty voting cyclist who has tried to "save the world by riding to work"). I enjoy playing on my "out of touch" side as much as I enjoy reading about McFly from Tennessee and his chainsaw, or RoadQueen and her horses and shooting. I think it is important that cyclist are perceived as everyday people from all walks of life, and to me the comments here somehow fit in with that.

Freddy Murcks said...

Genevieve - I still see that you have a point, but I also still think that you gain nothing by trying to engage the commentariat in a meaningful debate.

And in some ways, you are worse off than if you were trying to lecture your refrigerator. While your fridge may ignore you, at least it isn't going to bait you and make fun of you. And for all I know, you might be able to get a positive response from talking to your fridge. I saw a fridge the other day that has Twitter access - it is not inconceivable that there is also a fridge with voice recognition capabilities.

Anonymous said...

@Mighty Spare Rib

Jah says no to Peppa's. Go to
Scoops on Flatbush for Ital food.

Lester S. Bosworth said...

thanks

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