BSNYC Friday Fondue Party!

("This Is F***ing Urgent," photographed by a reader)

As you are almost certainly aware, the First Annual BSNYC/RTMS Cockpit of the Year Award is in full swing, and like Alberto Contador gorging himself on a succulent steak during a Tour de France rest day I may have bitten off considerably more than I can chew. There's simply no polite way to put this: I'm up to my neck in "Cockie." Indeed, it seems like every time I check my email another submission pops up as if to say, "Boo! Cockie!" In fact, if I had a "Vegan" chin tattoo, you probably wouldn't even be able to read it:

Though you'd still be able to see my multiple septum piercings.

Now, an email inbox full of "Cockie" wouldn't be such a problem in itself if the vast majority of submissions were of poor quality. However, the simple truth is that almost all the "Cockie" photos I have received have been profoundly engrossing. Just to give you an idea of how difficult "curating" this contest has been so far, just dipping my ladle into this bowl of hot "Cockie" more or less at random yields compelling entries such as this pair of apehangers complete with bar ends and complemented by the ultra-rare banana-seat-and-suspension-fork combo:

This incredible PVC-and-hose-clamp setup:


This "Jacob's Ladder" spotted in Salt Lake City:

This ornithologist's delight spotted in Florida:


And this totally "murdered out" department store mountain bike, noteworthy for its elegant minimalism:

In the meantime, while I'm coping with "Cockie," I invite the rest of you to partake in a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right, well, that's just fantastic, and if you're wrong you'll see "The Coffee Wars."

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may your hands find secure purchase on your cockpit.

--BSNYC/RTMS

1) If you bet on Andy Schleck to win the 2010 Tour de France, it's now paying off.

--True
--False

2) Chef Paco Olalla refers to the Alberto Contador tainted meat incident as:

--"Tainted Meatgate"

--"The Notorious Day of the Steak"

--"Where's the Beef?"

--"Clen-tastically delicious"

3) If you bet on Shawn Milne to win the 2007 USPro Criterium Championships, it's now paying off:

--True

--False

(Humiliated hat jettisons self in search of wearer with a clue.)

4) "DTR" stands for:

--"Down To Ride"

--"Digital Tape Recorder"

--"Define The Relationship"

--"Denim Taint Rubbing"

5) Pressure washers; 3M adhesives; propane canisters; cooking equipment--just a few of the items you'll need in order to:

--Race cyclocross

--Start your own automotive detailing business

--Take up permanent residence in a mobile home

--Re-enact your favorite "MacGyver" episode

6) Fill in the blank: "Clipless pedals are out--_________ are in:"

--Toeclips

--Boutique Velcro straps

--Flat pedals

--Skateboard decks

7) Fill in the blank: "________ are the new Vino jersey."

--Alberto Contador signature series steak knives

--Cyclocross-specific George Foreman grills

--Rapha crotchal unguents
--Vino jerseys

***Special "Designer Douchery"-Themed Bonus Question***

"Best Made Company," sellers of the bedazzled urban doucheman's ax(e), also offer:

--A $300 wetsuit for cats

--A $90 artisanal nail clipper

--A $75 beard-specific lice comb

--An $80 "personal sail" to help slow you down while frolicking downhill