Wednesday, March 20, 2019

New Outside Column!

Firstly, here's my latest column for Outside magazine, and it's all about how you should keep your damn mouth shut:


Do I adhere to this rule?  Almost never.  However, this is precisely why I know how futile it is to confront drivers, so there you go.

Secondly, if you're in New York City, here's a thing that's going on tonight:

BROOKLYN, NY -- Bushwick bicycle shop Haven Cycles (1546 Dekalb Ave, Bushwick, BK) will be hosting a stand up comedy benefit show on Wednesday, March 20 @ 8pm to raise money for RIP Medical Debt, a New York-based organization that buys medical debt for pennies on the dollar and then forgives it. Spearheaded by comedian Danny Felts (who has appeared on HBO’s High Maintenance and IFC’s Portlandia), Stand Up! At Haven Cycles will feature a lineup of comics who all commute primarily by bicycle. The show is pay-what-you-wish.

I can't promise you that there's a fixed-gear prop comic who trackstands for his or her entire set, but I can't promise you there isn't one either. 

So I guess what I'm saying is go check it out and let me know.

Finally, Eroica California is just over the next pass:


Just to remind you, I'll be giving away both my Nova Eroica bike and my Classic Eroica bike, and all you have to do to get them is find me at the ride and call "dibs."  (One bike per customer, mind you, but I'm pretty lazy so you could probably fool me with a stick-on mustache or something.)  As for what I'll be riding, I'm totally leaving all that up to the very last minute, which is kind of the point, and you'll read all about it in the Outside article which will follow.

And no, the Classic bike won't be 100 years old...



...at least I don't think it will.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to get started on my minivan roadtrip playlist.

48 comments:

wishiwasmerckx said...

Podium?

Ellie said...

Podium!?Have fun!

Anonymous said...

podiating yo! i stopped talking to NYC drivers the 3d time i got a gun pulled in me in 6 months (back when i was a messenger in the 9-0s)

dotcommie said...

I believe one reason I don't get harassed by drivers (commuting in LA 3 days a week) is because of my size (6'2"+ 235lbs). I'm typically taking the right lane (no bike facilities on Ventura Blvd.). Same is true for my 'normal' riding in the San Diego area.

Schisthead said...

Have you ever compiled a playlist of magic go kart tunes?

Between all those songs fellating car culture and the goodly smattering of those ridiculing it, you could get more than a few hours of action out of the theme.

Makes me miss my bitchin' camaro...

huskerdont said...

You are exactly correct, and yet I like to think that the driver who knocked me down a few years back (after passing me just a couple of seconds earlier, so they had to see me) will often see the semi-permanent reminder of the dent in their hood administered by my lock after I got to my feet--and perhaps that person will have learned something through and about street justice.*

*Not advocating said form of justice. Is just what happened.

Mark said...

I didn't read the Outside article besides the title, but I assume that pretty much summarizes the whole thing. And I agree completely.

Monday was a perfect example: I'm lane splitting between cars so I can position myself to the front of a left turn lane at a red light. The driver at the front of the queue on my right looks in his mirror and throws out his cigarette butt just a couple of seconds before I come by his car.

It was so tempting to pick up the butt and toss it back into his car. But really, what would it have accomplished? Would he stop throwing his butts out his window? Ha. Would I have felt better? Well, until he goes into a rage. Maybe I could get away from him, but then as a bicyclist, I'd be worrying about every car behind me in the future. And not in a healthy way.

No, I just stop at the intersection just off his front bumper and shake my head. If he has any self awareness, he'd know I'm silently judging him and either he'd be slightly contrite, or think I'm an asshole for visibly thinking he's an asshole.

Nhoj said...

Dear Jennifer,

Happy birthday!

Love,
The Groundhog

Anonymous said...

Good advice, Mr. Snobby. Besides avoiding a fist to the face,another reason to refrain from saying anything is that at volume it really sounds self-righteous, kind of like the students at Yale in 2015 yelling at a professor for trying to have a discussion with them.

mikeweb said...

Drivers, yadda, yadda..

I'm just surprised to learn that NY Islanders captain Anders Lee also does stand-up comedy.

PDX Cyclist said...

How do you deal with other cyclists who almost knock you over while you're riding? You'd think they'd be more empathetic but they're just as entitled as the schmuck in the SUV…

BikeSnobNYC said...

PDX Cyclist,

No they're not.

The problem you describe is a notch above someone accidentally bumping you while getting out of the elevator.

--Tan Tenovo

Matt said...

WOW Snobby, very well analyzed and discussed article! I've never yelled at a driver but I did shake my head at one once after nearly being run off the road (not that it matters, but it was a young'ish man in a Range Rover). It was on a narrow 2 lane road w/ no shoulder. Said driver passed me at the same time as an oncoming car passing me...driver on MY side SHOULD have slowed down for a moment but decided not to for one of your 4 reasons. After he passed me I could see he was looking in his mirror at me, and that's when I just shook my head. He then pulled over to the edge of the road totally blocking any passing room I might have had, rolled down his passenger window, and STOPPED! I came upon him, carefully dropped off the pavement into the weeds and rode by, not even looking at him likely glaring at me, daring me to say something. I got back up on the road and once again shook my head. I was a bit scared as he accelerated from the stop behind me, but he then went around me and left. Pretty sure he thinks I was the asshole. There are people we just can't fix nor teach.

huskerdont said...

Matt, I had a similar thing happen with a guy who coal-burned me. I don't even think I shook my head, probably just glared my fake imitation Clive Owen glare, but he was clearly looking to fight someone.

This one time, I put my hand out to cushion the contact to keep from getting knocked over by an SUV. The driver shouted at me to not touch his car.

Okay, I promise I'm done with storytime. tl;dr: People are insane.

Pist Off said...

I have a pretty fast middle finger but am trying to calm it. Just being an adult on a bicycle on a public road is an asshole move to many drivers. Where is our common ground with them? It doesn’t exist.

Anonymous said...

There was an incident last year in our peaceful north country where a woman threw her cigarette butt out the window and a guy picked it up and threw it back, accompanied by some remark. she soon after met up with her boyfriend and followed the guy into a starbucks where the boyfriend sucker punched him dead. the parties may have known each other.

nice! said...

Matt @3:00 pm

I commend you, sir, on your excellent composure and sense of decorum.

My take is that the Range Rover driver totally understood that he, indeed, was the culprit, and was angry that you did not rise to the bait.

I bet you felt pretty good once it was all over - through the simple act of shaking your head you got him and were the "winner" in this tussle.

Unknown said...

That comment in the outside article really cracked me up. I see so many people stroking the cat backwards on my commute. For me close passes work both ways in rush hour traffic

Anonymous said...


Literary Historians Uncover Collection Of Breezy, Upbeat Edgar Allan Poe Writings Penned After Author Took Up Jogging

Skidmark said...

We need to revisit video cameras suitable for cyclists/bike riders. Without the video verification, and a witness or two, law enforcement won’t happen.

Steve Barner said...

Huskerdont, I don't think I could not take that dare, in spite of the likely consequences.

My stock response to any advice, verbal challenge, or insult from a driver is to deadpan "Everyone's a critic," and then ride away.

Scott B. said...

Excellent article. 100% agree.

Rather than trying to communicate with drivers in the terrible situations you describe, I try to communicate as much as I can in good situations. I signal all my moves, I call out, I thank drivers when they get it right. I can create positive experiences all day doing this.

Today a driver in front of me skidded to a stop at a light change. He ended up 6 feet out in the intersection. I made sure to pull to the driver's side as I stopped behind him and get some eye contact in the rearview mirror on his door. "Don't worry about it--but don't back up!" I said. Then I shuffled my bike backwards and gave him some room.

That guy didn't want to screw up, he just did. Our exchange was perfectly pleasant--but it didn't have to be. I try to keep in mind that for every bad experience, thousands of cars interact with me without incident, and I'm able to generate a few hundred happy encounters.

HDEB said...

We are our worst selves behind the wheel! I agree with Pist Off that just being an adult riding a bicycles is an a-hole move to many drivers. I think many angry urban motorists are frustrated to be in a vehicle so ill-suited to its surroundings that bicycles/pedestrians are faster.

This past week I rode a bike for the first two times of 2019 -- how fun to ride a bike : )

JLRB said...

Great advice - refined from your earlier works on this subject - I am always reminded of said advice after my mouth ignores the advice and explodes in response to stupidity/recklessness/intentional acts of assault. It always feels better to shut up, or when under control, express the rain man inspired "Your an excellent driver"

(just curious, was it a Cat 1,2 or 6 you stepped on, and was he/she wearing a helment while lying on your floor?)

Jeffrey said...

during a recent snowstorm, a van cut me off on CPW and swung into the bikelane - this during a storm where there was very little bike lane to ride in so I was even closer to traffic than everyday riding: I lost my sht and went up to his window - and this white guy goes berserk, starts screaming the N word at me - etc... I called him nuts and told him he was gonna kill someone and then rode on, hoping he decided to stay parked. Last week, I decided (this is fresh) that my safety is my own responsibility no matter how bad or dangerous cars may be and that I need to focus on the road and only the road (okay, I do have music playing, but not too loudly).

anyway, great column

Jeffrey said...

the internet provideth:

https://twitter.com/MichaelRapaport/status/1108767552157605888

Mark Follmer said...

I usually give a familiar anatomically impossible suggestion.

Gordon said...

I've come to the same conclusion that saying nothing is the best option also. I try to remember to be thankful (instead of rageful) that I'm still alive and in one piece, I'm not always successful at that.
My favorite close encounter was when I was climbing a long steep hill. An old beat-up minivan with eight people in it slowed down next to me, rolled down the window and started yelling "hey" at me. I didn't even look over I just kept riding and not acknowledgeing them. But they kept yelling at me and I was getting worried about what they were going to do. I finally looked over at them and they asked if I had gone by a library 15 miles earlier. I said "yes" and they all started laughing and cheering. They couldn't believe that I had gone so far and moved so much faster than them. What I thought was going to be a scary confrontation ended up being a really fun memory.
I really enjoy your posts and wish you would waste more of your time posting more frequently. ;)

Hee Haw the barista said...

Talking Heads - Road to Nowhere

janinedm said...

I get into it with drivers, but I'm good at quick ripostes. About a month or two ago, I was coming down Fifth over by the Apple store. I took the whole right-most (bus) lane between 59th & 58th because they're doing some sort of construction that has caused the closing of a lane making the to left-most lanes a goddamn mess. Anyway, some slick hair dum dum in a luxury car abruptly merged into the lane I was in, saw I was there and immediately started honking for me to leave. I did my shrug emoji hand signal that I use to communicate "This is happening. I'm doing this until I'm done." Anyway he then says, "Are you mad because I saved your life sweetie?" To which I said, "I saved my own life because I took the lane." He kept repeating his question and I tried, I really tried to take Snob's advice. But he persisted, so I told him that since it's unsolicited advice day he could lose 15-20 lbs and that he was a neck-less piece of bridge and tunnel garbage. He said he drove a $100,000 car and I told him that not having your genitals obscured by your gut is priceless and that only lard-hearts (okay this isn't PC, but I really said gross pigs) think that people only ride bikes out of poverty. Then, I looked down and saw a car full of highly interested Hassidim that had pulled between us during this exchange and rolled away. Anyway, I think that like wearing flip flops outside, shutting up is some Snob-ism I can't take part in.

jellyfishsalad71 said...

I try to educate drivers calmly and remind them that I have video footage of tneir dangerous illegal behaviour and that they can be reported and likely fined for said infractions. If they still abuse me after that I report them to the police which usually either results in a talking to by police or a fine or both.

Anonymous said...

Time was, I'd throw down in a heartbeat. Lately it seems I get in enough trouble that I don't have to ask for more.

Take last Friday for instance. Came off the towpath and was heading home. Usually I walk my bike at the crosswalk. Doesn't matter if you've got a bike, a potted plant or a six-foot submarine sandwich; if you're a pedestrian it a crosswalk, you have the right-of-way. What could go wrong?


Well on that particular day I was feeling zesty. Cut through the alley, rolled up to the sidewalk and prepared to perform an expertly executed cyclocross dismount, when things went horribly awry. My jeans hung up on the saddle. I tipped over quite forcefully, bike and all. Bounced twice and rolled three times, all in full view of a party just walking out of a restaurant. But at least I got a solid round of applause. Hey, dinner AND a show. Can't beat that.

R E Keen said...

The road goes on forever and the party never ends

Matt said...

Nice @ 4:33pm, actually I remember being REALLY UPSET after. It was SO over the top...this is a very serene and rural area I was riding in (Santa Ynez...ie, HORSE COUNTRY). TONS of cyclists all over the place down there. I can only guess this guy had a bad experience (or many) with a rider in his past, and here I come, riding alone...pretty easy prey to a guy in an SUV. I did feel a bit better about 1 minute later tho when an enormous recreational-ride-peleton came around the corner towards me...had it escalated I daydreamed about the ass-whooping he would have gotten, being suddenly outnumbered about 50 to 1 when suddenly I was FAR from alone. That was the only good part about that scene. I think Pist Off nailed it...no common ground (unless the driver is a cyclist). I do try to be a "Goodwill Ambassador" when I'm on the trails or road...I'm as nice as possible. On the trails I'm always stopping for hikers & horses and talking to them as they pass, and thank the ones who stop for me. And then some Ahole zooms by like a madman in a downhill race (on public 2-way trails), I can only imagine what the hikers think of that...it pisses ME off and I'm a biker! Wsn't it Ron Reagan who said "We have met the enemy and they are us"? That fits pretty good.

Pinkshirt said...

That cat was so funny!

Unknown said...

I usually try to stay on rural, or even better gravel roads. The occasional dog Sprint/ interval training is worth it to me. I also drive a large semi truck. I always have time,and control of my truck enough to safely slow/ give wide berth when passing cyclists. As I am one also. I also am guilty of popping mirrors of vehicles that pass too close. A quick fist right on top pops it right off. No body has ever stopped,but I do see them check their rearview mirror on the windshield as I suppose they think they hit me? I dunno. I know it's wrong, but I can't help myself.

Spokey said...

mostly agree with the whole article including this post and the part where i also often don't practice what i preach.

the one troublesome and glaring rough patch is the analogy of rubbing a cat's fur backwards. but that's only because cat's do suck

JLRB said...

I try to think of cars as dinosaurs - big stupid animals that smell bad and might try to kill me if I unnecessarily attract their attention/irritate them. I need to be visible so they don't inadvertently crush me, but I try not to interact.

Unknown said...

Responding to the Outside column: I have to say, this kind of political quietism--and cycling-car conflicts involve immediately political issues, as Bike Snob often rightly reminds us--is really disappointing. Why not lie down in the road with your bike and wait for the cars to just run you over with a sign saying "Sorry, thanks." Geez. (Of course, knowledge of your audience is key; a cyclist doing absolutely nothing-even when confronted with death-is indeed the perfect line for the bourgie-liberal readership of the magazine, and indeed it's the perfect line for a society dominated by the car as well.)

In the real world, however, Bike Snob's take (never do anything in traffic to stand up for your rights or your life, and therefore don't do anything to make things better for cyclists in the moment of crisis), this take fairly screams out for a little more backbone, if not reality. Drivers are also humans, even if they don't seem like it sometimes, and they react affectively as much as rationally, just like everyone else. Yes, they may get really mad at you, and nothing positive may come of it, but there's no reason to assume (unless you have absolute knowledge of human nature that the rest of us don't) that's the only way things could work out in every situation. People respond to situations of conflict in a myriad number of ways. The threat and fear of physical violence, being verbally abused, feeling ostracized, even just the unpleasantness of harming/offending one's fellows and seeing them really angry--all these things often contribute to a process of critical self-evaluation in subjects involved in conflicts on both sides, for perpetrators as much as victims. And a lot of motorists feel regret after they are taken to account. It's not like this isn't a phenomenon. You can't just demonize all motorists because you think it's ultimately too much of a hassle or just depressing to try to stand up for what's right.

Cyclists can train their surrounding automobile community to not treat cyclists like more or less imminent roadkill. And this can happen, among other ways, by cyclists standing up for themselves in the moment of conflict, by cyclists not allowing automobile death culture to just continue on unperturbed, secure in its absolute dominance, etc. Pedestrians see cyclists asserting themselves, cyclists see other cyclists' assertiveness, other drivers see it, and most importantly: the guilty motorist in question sees and feels it, and may indeed remember that if you fuck with cyclists at least some of them won't just silently accept your abuse. Simply assuming that drivers have no capacity of contrition is, at best, a massive generalization, at worst it's an ideological ruse that feeds, ironically enough, directly back into a culture that says you can't do anything to change anything about cars.

Any cyclist who tells other cylists-who are the victims of the general traffic ecosystem-to be silent, well, there is reason to believe that something really nasty and sad has been internalized. It's understandable, of course, because a lifetime of almost being killed by cars would naturally lead to a bit of a traumatic reaction. But is that really the kind of quiet, meek, and altogether pitiful acceptance of violence you want to profess to a world of avid cyclist-readers, people who ride through a battlefield everyday? Just take it and be silent?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Unknown,

"Political quietism?" I say quite clearly in the article to push for better bike infrastructure and advance pro-bike ideas.

As for "scream out for a little more backbone" and "meek," a lot of people fancy themselves a lot tougher than they really are because they haven't been tested yet. The hardest thing is to refrain from confrontation, and I know because I fail to do so on a regular basis.

But if you find shouting matches with idiots in Hyundais to be effective, by all means enjoy.

--Tan Tenovo

billinrockhill said...

Idiots abound. Both in cars and on bieks. Why can't we just all get along? All just get along?

Dooth said...

There must have been smoke blowing out my nose the last time a driver nearly killed me by doing something stupid and illegal. Of course I wanted to rip his heart out; in such a rage, I'm sure I'd take a bite out of it and growl with pleasure. But the change of lifestyle that would ensue is just not worth it.

Nice! said...

@Matt 9:29 pm -

I, too, ride in what some would say is a rural area (NH) with many cyclists at times (but the weather isn't so nice as CA). I've been "smoked" once by a diesel pickup, but generally am not bothered. Years ago, I threw the middle finger and doing so always left me feeling as I had sunk to the low of the driver, so I cut that out.

Blog Drafter said...

I think it's because we're so exposed. There's an out of proportion response sometimes, it seems, because we're literally inches from death riding on streets. I've caught myself at times overreacting to very minor lapses on the part of others. This doesn't occur so much at other times. Biking is a brain centered activity even if we're not thinking of anything in particular. Our brains are going warp 9 or so balancing (literally) all that's happening. It's very hard to disentangle from that process.

Ride safe everyone.

Al said...

This is America. We are in thrall of Corporate Capitalism cars-first transportation system. Most Americans cannot think of any other way to get around, except by automobile. They feel entitled to own their car, in fact, they love their cars and anyone not in a car is less than human. Our current POTUS just made a speech in which he stated that the left was trying to take away the car from Americans. This is a fear that resonates with motorist. So when motorist are confronted with a person on a bicycle, that fear kicks in and is translated into anger. The motorist is in a 3000lb weapon with the full support of the state and the police on their side. We all know that there is no justice for anyone not in a car. 25% of all traffic violence is a hit and run because motorist know that they can kill a pedestrian or person on a bicycle and most likely there will be no consequences, even if they are impaired. So be careful when confronting a motorist that just tried to kill you, it probably won't end well for the cyclist. As a world famous bike blogger once said,"Every car is potential weapon, every motorist a short fuse."

janinedm said...

I'm just coming back to say that my earlier story only tells a very small portion of the story. 95% of my rides are more than pleasant. Since I came into cycling for transportation, I mostly get along with drivers. I signal and make my intentions hyper obvious. I wave them through. I give and receive thumbs ups, waves, and nods. If someone has their window down I might say good morning as I filter up. If I'm at a red light and a driver has been noticeably conscientious, I might tell them how much I appreciate it. Part of it is safety; if the drivers (who actually stop) are to be believed, they never see the cyclists they hit. I try to make my presence known in a positive way. Second, why not spread good vibes, and make biking look fun? But when an asshole violates all of that accommodation and teamwork, I admittedly briefly lose my entire mind. Snob's right that it doesn't achieve anything, though.

STG said...

The Outside article gets some things right, in that getting worked up and angry over traffic will ruin your day. Here's where it misses the mark: you will be forced into interacting with antagonists in your life and you need to be prepared to deal with them.

I think you can affect other people when you call them out, and this can make your situation safer. You don't need to change their minds, you need to make them feel like there are social consequences for not paying attention, being rude, or belligerent. It's more effective to roll up to someone, make eye contact, and say, calmly but sternly - "Hey, You cut me off, and I don't like that." Most of the time they will apologize, shrink down in their seat, ignore you and feel nervous, or get mad. If they yell at you, you don't give it back. Keep your cool, be deadpan. All you want to do is tell them they are wrong, and if that makes them uncomfortable, good, they'll remember. YOU NEED TO BE IN CONTROL. Don't cross the line with threatening someone or damaging their property. That is a big deal and although it may seem justified to you, it is not justified under the law.

On the reverse, be very careful and pick your battles.

Sometimes drivers are the instigators, and a few drivers have physically threatened me. You just need to throw them off. Example 1: Passed close by a driver in a convertible, broke his door mirror off on me, and broke my watch off. He and his passenger started threatening me for "damaging his car," although he obviously intentionally grazed me. I said nothing, looked him dead in the eyes, reached down between the cars and picked up the pieces my watch, and put them in my mouth, all without breaking eye contact. They shut up.

Example 2: I keep a U-lock and a very bright headlight with strobe and a quick detach mechanism. One night, A driver tried to run me off the road on my way home from Floyd Bennett Field, and eventually tried to "ambush" me at an intersection after he got out of his car. One, never try to fight in road shoes/cleats. You can't punch or wrestle someone without traction. I dropped my bike, grabbed my headlight in my left hand and set it on 700 lumen strobe, and grabbed my U-lock in my right. When he approached me I put the full strobe on his face, which is enough to cause temporary blindness and nausea. After a few seconds of that he backed off, and had to sit down on the curb and rub his eyes. I had the lock as a last resort. Never, ever threaten someone, but be prepared to use force for defense. After he backed off I jumped back on my bike and escaped. I said nothing to him.

Have a plan for what you will do if you are threatened. If someone is ever threatening you, the best thing you can do is to save your arguments, and take the actions that are necessary. A very bright light is something every cyclist should have anyway and its a very effective deterrent or tool for de-escalation when used correctly. It is not a use of force and there are few consequences to you for using it to give yourself time and space to get away.

Anonymous said...

I keep some Barry Manilow music on the ready - if threatened I turn my speakers up to 11 and let Barry rip - scrambles the brain - works every time