Thursday, March 14, 2019

New Outside Column! ...and More!

Hey, would you look at that, I've got a new Outside column about in America you're better off dying with a helmet than surviving without one:


Basically it's just assumed that a child is going to wind up under a Toyota Tacoma, and that's fine, just as long as they're wearing a foam hat.

Also, I've gotten to test some pretty cool bikes over the years, but I'm really just in it for the chamois underwear:

KOR CYCLING CHAMOIS UNDERWEAR
Cycling/Spinning Chamois Underwear Short

Same performance as traditional bike shorts, but more efficient, more stealth and no friction against your skin. There's no stitching in the bikini line = no irritation. The lightest weight fabric from Italy for zero resistance on every pedal stroke. 

Yes, when Kor offered to send me a pair of their cycling-specific undergarments I eagerly accepted.  Currently they're offering women's underwear, and inasmuch as I am not of the female genderway I turned them over to my wife for evaluation.  They arrived in a fancy musette-type bag complete with subtle logo to which my aging smartphone and poor photography skills do not do justice:


And were elegantly packaged:


Which resulted in a consumer experience considerably more rarefied than when you receive your custom team kit order and it arrives in a cardboard box that smells like cigarettes:


As for the garment itself, the attention to detail is clearly evident:


And this is certainly the most technically advanced undergarment I've ever seen--aside from my "smart underwear," that is:


I use smart underwear because I'm hoping scranial electro-shock therapy will help cure me of my bedwetting problem.

Anyway, the Kor costs $95, which may seem like a lot for underpants, but certainly not for high-end cycling shorts, which is a more apt comparison.  Also, the main reason I accepted them (apart from the opportunity to dazzle my wife with the gift of fancy cycling underwear at our bi-weekly dinner at Applebee's) is that I really want a pair for myself whenever they introduce a men's version.  See, I love nothing more than a Lycra-free jorts ride on my Jones, but once the mercury creeps up into the 70s (that's American Freedom Degrees, of course) the regular underpants can become something of a liablility:


(That's sweat, not urine.  I only wet my pants at night, hence the smart underpants.)

I'd been meaning to address this matter with some sort of shorts liner for quite some time.  However, between raising kids and chasing creaking sounds on wooden bikes and all the rest of it I never got around to researching the bewildering landscape of cycling-specific undergarments.  Then along came Kor, and a cursory Internet search indicates that they're probably making nicest stuff out there, and to accept anything less would be a failure to live up to my "snob" epithet.

Hey, I may seem like a schlub, but my favorite winter cycling garment is a cashmere Helmut Lang sweater, so there you go.

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is I plan to wear these and nothing else at the next Singlespeed World Championships.  You have been warned.

40 comments:

George Krpan said...

Denim shorts work pretty well with or without underwear.

Haywood Jablome said...

Poddioum

Haywood Jablome said...

You going to Slovenia? I have relatives there.

Drock said...

Are Tacoma owners running over children more than other trucks?

HDEB said...

Snobby once wrote about how crashes are capitalist bonanzas -- police, auto body shops, insurance workers, hospitals all make money off of motor vehicle crashes. IMHO, motor vehicle travel is so dominant precisely because it is expensive. Victim blaming is yucky. Cars stink, ride a bike : )

billinrockhill said...

I drive a Tacoma and I ride lots of bikes, too. I agree with Tan's observation that the focus of the press report was on the victims (traveling in an "unmarked" crosswalk-how dare they?) rather than on the driver of this particular Tacoma: (Not: "Was he texting? Was his head up his ass? How could he?) In fact, it's strange that the victims were reportedly hit "by a Tacoma," rather than "by some careless asshole in a Tacoma." And no offense taken by this particular Tacoma driver. I have yet to hit a bicycle or a pedestrian when driving a vehicle.

huskerdont said...

We're brainwashed and often don't think about our assumptions. I follow someone on Strava--a really nice, very intelligent person--who often lists the wrongs of other cyclists. She consistently equates not wearing a helmet with unsafe passes, texting while riding, salmoning, riding without lights, etc.

DaveD said...

Date line March 13, 2019 in VeloNews: "19-year-old killed by car while previewing Redlands TT route". Even bicycle cycling news media is infected.

Anonymous said...

I'm curious why TT has not yet made mention of the recent headline: "no jail time" for St. Louis woman- killed a bicycling boy with her caged assault weapon. I guess it's just another statistic.

Pist Off said...

Self-driving cars are gonna fix all this. Accident reporting won’t have to change because it really will be the car that kills the cyclist. The owner will be simply getting a ride.
Yes, I anticipate pained rebuttals listing the ways that the auto-automobile will be safer, and y’all can blow me.
This dystopian future chills me to my... Kor

janinedm said...

since we're commiserating about the auto culture, I want to talk about how many commercials just out and out show distracted driving, that is then solved by some sort of AI assistance stopping the car or making the car not swerve. I never see drivers getting het up about it promoting unsafe driving. But show a cyclist on a completely closed set riding an upright bike bike without a helmet and people are OUTRAGED by the promotion of unsafe practices.

Kevin said...

Guns don't kill people, SUVs do

pbateman doesnt wear panties said...

Snob,

possibly your best work to date so you deserve some super fancy dancy panties or whatever it is that (the soon to be defunct) KOR sent you.

and thanks again for fighting the good fight in such a sensible and eloquent manner.

in fact, i won't even mention anything about anyone's mother today other than she says hi and likes today's post too.

Anonymous said...

How about "Motorist While Depleting the Public Coffers Attempts to Murder Child?"

Chris said...

No Koo Koo Penthouse=no thanks

huskerdont said...

Pist, no doubt cyclists and pedestrians would still be killed in a world of self-driving cars, but with 30,000+ people dying every year from automobile crashes, we could hardly do worse.

It will be portrayed as worse though, of course, and will seem more tragic. Every death from a self-driving car will be played up in the media, while the 30,000 per year now hardly get a mention anymore. And that will be partially because of the lack of control that people feel. People feel more threatened by what they can't control than by what they feel like they can (even if that sense of control is partially an illusion).

Wearing bandages on my hand now said...

No podium for me because I had to remove my fist from the wall first.

Excellent Outside column, TT.

Bikeboy said...

What's a "perineum"?

Oh - you mean a scranus?

(These Internet Word Boys are always showing off with their fancy words for everything...)

Anonymous said...

the safety bicycle was named a little prematurely.

Chazu said...

Keep posting those crotch shot selfies and your wife is going to jump you when you return from a sweaty ride. Then you'll have eighteen (18) children.

Bunyip said...

I'm just impressed that you wear jorts AND a Lycra jersey. Neat balance....

Al said...

This is America. If the gunman doesn't get you, the motorist will.

janinedm said...

I think self driving cars are a tougher sell during a week where it's been revealed that planes have been crashing themselves because they erroneously think they're stalling. Also, optic sensors are not as good at recognizing dark skin. https://gizmodo.com/why-cant-this-soap-dispenser-identify-dark-skin-1797931773

Schisthead said...

"with 30,000+ people dying every year from automobile crashes, we could hardly do worse"

In my observations of people implementing computing solutions to real world problems, this is a very dangerous and likely inaccurate statement.

We are already witnessing people dying because of poorly programmed computers and the humans are still the ones getting the blame. And not even the programmers, just the shclub who happened to be there when shit went down.

Good luck, everyone.

Anonymous said...

Janinedm 12:53 PM:
The ABC sitcom “Better off Ted” from years ago used that optic sensor problem as a premise for an episode called “Racial Sensitivity.” Excerpts on YouTube.

BamaPhred said...

On a less serious note, I looked at local groups on Strava this morning. I wondered how so many people were piling up so many rides and miles, what with darkness, traffic, weather, etc. Zwift. Stravaing your trainer ride. Damn, who knew? Everyone but me apparently.

JLRB said...

janinedm at 11:55 - those commercials drive me nuts - the car companies should be required to buy 5 minutes of safe driving commercials for every 1 minute of distracted driving/aggressive driving they publish to sell cars.

ps - $95 seems like a lot of $ for undies because it is

BURD HAUS said...


Ticket
for offending cyclists to be dispensed by automobilists.

Anonymous said...

i'd like to start the conspiracy theory that the Boeing 737's were sabotaged; but someone has probably beaten me to that podium.

JLRB said...

Now that I went back and clicked the They Live link
1. I never saw the movie but will track it down

2. "Buy" "Consume" helments and fancy undies

Anonymous said...

Excellent OUTSIDE piece Snobby! In the USA the idea of the roads being for everyone is a hard sell, but keep trying.

Very Slim Pickens said...

Somehow the words Applebee's and underwear flow together very well.

Very Slim Pickens said...

Al @ 547 Or opioids.

janinedm said...

@JLRB: They Live is an all time favorite.

Anonymous said...

Another hit and run crime on the Queens/Nassau border yesterday morning. ... who was helmeted

https://abc7ny.com/search-for-driver-after-bicyclist-fatally-struck-on-long-island/5201330/

For those who don't ride in that area. The LIE service road has ample space on the weekends and it's safer than 9W. Let's hope the Local police (not the NYPD) will catch the criminal.

Chris said...

And again you knew what they'd write merely days before they wrote it. Close to home on this one: https://www.newsday.com/long-island/crime/bicyclist-struck-lie-1.28619552?fbclid=IwAR0j4tZxy0m4q1mV3P2SCp2rQTluWsMKNatj64NRlLBH9uJG0V9Y6mE_BaY

Anonymous said...

https://www.newsday.com/long-island/nassau/david-schlichting-five-boro-bike-tour-1.28678697

JLRB said...

I fell into a wormhole and ended up 10 years ago today when BSNYC jumped the shark:

https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=4213956784784062266&postID=458522647481919381&page=1&token=1553014486395&bpli=1

pbateman likes the moving pictures. said...

I will say again, BikeSnobNYC is a great resource for recipes and movie suggestions.

Here are two:

1) if you are revisiting the 80's for They Live, make sure to also revisit Big Trouble in LIttle China. That film is fantastic.

2) just saw Apollo 11 in the big screen theater viewingway. F'ing fantastic as well.

3) popcorn and fun candy go well with both

I wasn't required to wear a hailmut to watch either. That was nice.

Jack said...

All play and no work