New Outside Column! ...and More!

Hey, would you look at that, I've got a new Outside column about in America you're better off dying with a helmet than surviving without one:

Basically it's just assumed that a child is going to wind up under a Toyota Tacoma, and that's fine, just as long as they're wearing a foam hat.

Also, I've gotten to test some pretty cool bikes over the years, but I'm really just in it for the chamois underwear:

KOR CYCLING CHAMOIS UNDERWEAR

Cycling/Spinning Chamois Underwear Short

Same performance as traditional bike shorts, but more efficient, more stealth and no friction against your skin. There's no stitching in the bikini line = no irritation. The lightest weight fabric from Italy for zero resistance on every pedal stroke. 

Yes, when Kor offered to send me a pair of their cycling-specific undergarments I eagerly accepted.  Currently they're offering women's underwear, and inasmuch as I am not of the female genderway I turned them over to my wife for evaluation.  They arrived in a fancy musette-type bag complete with subtle logo to which my aging smartphone and poor photography skills do not do justice:

And were elegantly packaged:

Which resulted in a consumer experience considerably more rarefied than when you receive your custom team kit order and it arrives in a cardboard box that smells like cigarettes:

As for the garment itself, the attention to detail is clearly evident:

And this is certainly the most technically advanced undergarment I've ever seen--aside from my "smart underwear," that is:

I use smart underwear because I'm hoping scranial electro-shock therapy will help cure me of my bedwetting problem.

Anyway, the Kor costs $95, which may seem like a lot for underpants, but certainly not for high-end cycling shorts, which is a more apt comparison.  Also, the main reason I accepted them (apart from the opportunity to dazzle my wife with the gift of fancy cycling underwear at our bi-weekly dinner at Applebee's) is that I really want a pair for myself whenever they introduce a men's version.  See, I love nothing more than a Lycra-free jorts ride on my Jones, but once the mercury creeps up into the 70s (that's American Freedom Degrees, of course) the regular underpants can become something of a liablility:

(That's sweat, not urine.  I only wet my pants at night, hence the smart underpants.)

I'd been meaning to address this matter with some sort of shorts liner for quite some time.  However, between raising kids and chasing creaking sounds on wooden bikes and all the rest of it I never got around to researching the bewildering landscape of cycling-specific undergarments.  Then along came Kor, and a cursory Internet search indicates that they're probably making nicest stuff out there, and to accept anything less would be a failure to live up to my "snob" epithet.

Hey, I may seem like a schlub, but my favorite winter cycling garment is a cashmere Helmut Lang sweater, so there you go.

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is I plan to wear these and nothing else at the next Singlespeed World Championships.  You have been warned.