Friday, January 4, 2019

Hey, It's Friday! Don't Even Read This Post, Just Drop What You're Doing And Go For A Ride!

I'm willing to bet an artisan wooden bicycle that when you woke up this morning the very last thing on your mind was wanting to learn more about me.  Nevertheless, the good people at Banjo Brothers, apparently desperate for content, have just published this interview with me:


I think it's wonderful that, thanks to the Internet, you can now fill your brain up with utterly useless information such as what I like to make for dinner.

My false modesty notwithstanding (the truth is I'm fascinated with myself and the minutiae of my existence and expect others to be too), I was surprised to find myself described as a "cyclist" (not to mention "notable," but that's something else):

FIVE THINGS is a feature on the Banjo Brothers Blog. It’s a short interview about life and bicycles with a notable person. This week's notable person is cyclist Eben Weiss.

At first blush this seemed wildly inaccurate, as there are generally two situations in which I think it's appropriate to describe someone as a cyclist:

  • If they're like a professional racer or something;
  • If they've just been creamed by a bus (e.g. "The cyclist, whose pelvis was flattened like a crêpe, was not wearing a helmet.")
At the very least, you'd think a "cyclist" would be someone who rides a bike in an interesting way, which I emphatically do not.  I'm a Cat 3 club putz, a middling mountain biker, and my idea of "bikepacking" is hitting the Trails Behind The Mall for an hour and then spending $25 on lunch at the Whole Foods.

If anything, "writer" seems more appropriate than cyclist, as there are actually people who are foolish enough to pay me to do that, though "blogger" is probably even more fitting since writer implies you can do more than bloviate about bikes on the Internet.  (Self-absorbed douchebag would be even better though I suppose there are matters of search engine optimization at play that preclude the use of such descriptors.)

However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized maybe it is fair to call me a cyclist, since it's only by churning the cranks that I end up generating anything worth reading, to the extent that I even do.  (More false modesty: my writing is fantastic.)  Also, I spend like 10 hours a week or something on a bike, and while most amateur racers I know ride a hell of a lot more than that it's still a depressing amount of time to fritter away on something that's not remunerative.  So really I'd better start to consider myself a cyclist or else I'm just a guy who wastes most of the work week and who might as well spend weekday afternoons doing bong hits and playing video games.

Anyway, I've now not only linked to an interview with myself but also written far too much about myself in the process of linking to said interview, so I think I'd better fuck off and go for a ride now.

Hey, I am a cyclist after all.




30 comments:

nahmean said...

You know what I always wonder? What's the deal with that head tube in the rivendell ad on the side? why are there three tubes coming off it? And what's the middle one called?

Anonymous said...

Oh NO! A plastic hat will not protect my pelvis! What is the point of even suggesting everyone needs one if they are this useless!

nahmean said...

Nevermind, I'm an idiot - I finally clicked around their site enough to find out it's for a tandem. But hey, people clicking around their site is literally why they advertise on this here blog, so I guess it's a win for everyone?

Some guy from upstate said...

I have probably squandered a podium opportunity looking for this, but I believe the question what is a cyclist has already been addressed . So yes, you are a cyclist, not "a guy on a bike". But you knew that.

Don't worry, eventually the kids will eat things off the grown-up menu.

Sean Lynch said...

Took my first ride since the end of October. I was hit by a car on October 29th, but have pretty much recovered from the injuries.

It felt good to be back in the saddle.

My ribs took the brunt of it when I slammed against the pavement last fall, but my head hit pretty hard a split second later. I was glad I had a helmet on. I never wore a helmet as a kid, but was happy I had one on that day.

Just like motorcyclists in my state, I think bike riders should be free to choose. I'm happy with the choice to wear a helmet.

Jimbo said...

According to ESET Security, there's a Trojan horse threat on the Banjo Brothers page that you linked to.

Billy said...

Anonymous @ 10:54 - what *is* the point indeed? Could it be a culture of victim blaming and a plot to drive automobile dependence and sales?

Billy said...

I'm glad Banjo Bros led with a shot of Eben in the Brompton race. I think that really gets at the essence of him as a cyclist.

theEel said...

WEED!

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with bong hits?

JohnP said...

Tan. You haven't fill us in on the bike related resolution you are going to break this year.

Jake said...

“...it's only by churning the cranks that I end up generating anything worth reading...”
So wouldn’t “Crank Writer” be the most accurate attribution on multiple levels?

bad boy of the south said...

Early snob and the dow is way up.
I knew it was gonna be a good day.

huskerdont said...

In a perfect world, "fuck off and go for a ride" would be my standard salutation.

IMHO, any person riding a bike is a cyclist. Perhaps the debate could be about who constitutes "a proper cyclist," as discussed in Michael Hutchinson's book Re:Cyclists? But either way, I have been grateful for something to while away 10% of the remaining work week.

Anonymous said...


Seems like a good Outside topic....

https://www.wsj.com/articles/ready-set-cheat-electric-bikers-zoom-past-mad-pedalers-on-cycling-app-11546621210

Fellow chef said...

As you make the cuisine in your room to eat-in, do you let your 17 kids watch tv or do they simply pummel each other while waiting for their porridge? Come to think of it, I suppose they could both watch tv AND pummel each other. Anyway, nice to hear that you cook for them and the person who actually works in your family.

huskerdont said...

I got an alert from Symantec about the Banjo Brothers link as well. Fills me with the sads since I have a Banjo Brothers commuter bag and now Ima have to throw it away and switch to Ortleib with its lack of outside pockets.

HDEB said...

Mismatched clothes from a twenty-year period is the perfect outfit to ride in. My foot still hurts from a move I pulled while skateboarding in Spring 2018 to avoid being run over by a truck. I self-identify as a self-absorbed douchebag ; )

wishiwasmerckx said...

Once again, for dark and stormys, Bundaberg Ginger Beer and Mt. Gay Eclipse rum.

As for whiskey, I, too, prefer Scotch over Bourbon. There are great exotic Scotches out there, but you have to be prepared to pay north of a c-note, and sometimes a lot more.

For a great scotch for the price of a bike tire, may I suggest Sia. It is a blend, and not a single malt, but it is a 92-93 point scotch for $39.95, so you can't go wrong. As a bonus, scotch production is more male-dominated than the NFL, and the master distiller behind Sia is a woman.

For the ultimate, I have three words for you:

Pappy

Van

Winkle

Anonymous said...

Bitdefender did not have any issues with the Banjo Brothers site. Sometimes it's nice to have professional IT support.

1904 Cadardi said...

If I change my out of office email response to "Decided to fuck off and go for a ride" how long will it take for the corporate overlords to notice/complain?

leroy said...

Dear Mr. BSNYC - My dog says he is a big fan of your writing, especially the spelling.

I'm a big fan of Banjo Brothers and have used their seat bags and a backpack for many years. I just bought a pannier bag for when it gets warmer. They're also very nice folks.

Haywood Jablome said...

I'm desperately trying to drop what I'm doing.
Who else is reading this while in the bathroom?

dancesonpedals said...

Bikesnob rides so we don't have to.

JLRB said...

You've been listicled and called BS, but all publicity is good publicity, etc.

I have yet to ride, or be a cyclicst, this year. I am feeling so pedestrian.

Anonymous said...

Must say that I still miss the anonymous bike snob days before Tan Tenovo got into wooden trouble. What would happen if Buckethead just turned out to be Paul Gilbert.

Anonymous said...

Single Malt Scottish Whisky not "scotch". Don't try that shit in Scotland as you will be corrected like I was.

Anonymous said...

This man has turned self-deprecation into its own literary genre.

pbateman beats his peat said...

time for a Snob tour de Islay.

what level peat you running bro?

cant spell Ardbeg without RAD bro.

mmmmmm.....think i'm just gonna cut out early and get shit plowed on a gang ton of scottish whiskey and probably get into some sort of incident as scotch does tend to make me a bit rowdy.

seriously though, think that little isle might be good for bikey riding. gonna check into this.

ICyclist said...

You don't like neck gaiters, BS?!? I saw one atop Stelvio Pass last summer, thought it was the cat's meow, and bought it. Now you're making me think I was barking up the wrong tree. 😧 (I admit I haven’t been able to use it because I live in Southern California, where neck gaiters have been outlawed for decades.)