Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Mused and Confused: Pondering the Nature of Cycling

Over the last few days I’ve received a couple of spirited and thought-provoking comments. There was this one from last Friday:

i love how you call out "lawyers, doctors, dentists" as if you are somehow above them because they may choose to ride a single speed or fixed gear bike and yet who are you to judge? some guy who sits behind his computer and rants the same shit everyday..."you're ruining my subculture, stop riding bianchi pistas!!!" if you're so offical why don't you stop bitching and spend less hours in front of computer and more on a bike. pathetic. btw, have some balls and post this.

And this one from yesterday:

BSNYC,

When exactly did you become so bitter? It seems as though everything and everyone annoys you in some way, shape, or form. I'd really enjoy your blog if you were just the slightest bit more positive, but I suppose that's what the whole snob part calls for. Oh well, who else would every disgruntled messenger and hipster turn to when they need their pretentious/I'm better than everyone except for my tight group of friends fix. You're a fine writer, far better than myself, but can you for just one day not check craigslist looking to make fun of someone? Something tells me you would never say such things to someone's face, and that's something you might want to consider.

Are they wrong? Certainly. Missing the point? Absolutely. Twisted maniacs? Very possibly. Even so, I’m a firm believer in using criticism in order to better yourself, and as such each of these comments prompted periods of introspection and soul-searching that lasted literally minutes. So instead, rather than criticize others, today I’d like to take some time to analyze the very nature of cycling itself. I hope you’ll bear with me today as I ponder the bigger questions:

What is Cycling?

Cycling is symmetry. D’uh. It’s a concert of balance, a harmony of tension and a symphony of opposing forces. This symmetry is evident in every aspect of the endeavor. Take for instance:


The Beauty of the Bicycle Wheel




The Uncanny Resemblance Between Dave Zabriskie and 80s Kevin Kline





Furthermore, like yoga, asceticism, or curling on mescaline, cycling is a means by which we discover our true inner selves. Each bicycle journey, no matter how short, is also a journey within. If it wasn’t for cycling, would Lance Armstrong have discovered his acting prowess? Would Phil Liggett have become a coffee mogul? Would Mario Cipollini have been described as “flamboyant” and “charismatic” instead of simply being arrested for being a perverted freak in a catsuit? I too have learned volumes about myself from riding. For example, by mountain biking I’ve learned from my tendency to ride around obstacles instead of over them and from my technique of stopping, dismounting, and visually inspecting drop-offs before riding off of them that I am both lazy and cowardly. I’ve also learned by being dropped from races and rides of all kinds that I don’t like it when things get difficult, and that no matter what you’re doing you can always quit. And that is a beautiful lesson. Knowing that life itself is optional is the key to getting through it.

What is a Cyclist?

In the past I’ve made a distinction between the “cyclist” and the “guy on a bike.” The former is a type of person, while the second is a coincidence or a circumstance. My definition of “cyclist” is two-fold:

1) A “cyclist” rides a bike even when he or she does not have to.

Someone who rides out of necessity is not necessarily a cyclist. For example, the drunk driver who must cycle to work because his license has been taken away is not a cyclist. Nor is the delivery person who does not ride, look at, or think about his bicycle after hours or on days off. However, if you opt to ride a bicycle even when it is inconvenient to do so or you could be doing something else, then you’re probably a cyclist.

2) A “cyclist” is someone who owns a floor pump.

Owning things doesn’t make you a cyclist. Having clipless pedals, or training wheels, or a closet full of cycling attire doesn’t do it. Even owning a bike doesn’t necessarily do it. Hey, if you borrow a bike every time you want to ride you may very well still be a cyclist. However, if you don’t have a floor pump you’re not a cyclist. Using a mini pump or even a frame pump for home use shows a disturbing lack of commitment to proper inflationary technique. And relying on a local bike shop (or worse yet a gas station) for your air is like eating out every single day for your entire life—at Denny's.


Are Triathletes Cyclists?

This is one of those deeply profound questions, like “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” or “Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?” Yes, triathletes ride bikes, but they also swim and run and are generally weird. Well, in light of my definition of “cyclist” I think I have an answer. A triathlete is a cyclist provided he or she would still ride even if the cycling portion of triathlons was officially replaced with some other activity, such as rollerblading or curling while on mescaline. If in such a situation the triathlete says, “Hey, that sucks! Well forget triathlons, I’m going to keep riding,” then he or she is a cyclist. But if the triathlete immediately puts all his or her bike stuff on Craigslist and buys a big heavy rock, a broom, and some peyote, then he or she is just some freak in a half-shirt.

What is The Ideal Frame Material?

I suppose at this point you’re thinking I’m going to say that frame material is irrelevant, and that furthermore even the bike itself is secondary since anything that can carry you forth on a ride is more than sufficient. Unfortunately though that’s not the case.

The ideal frame material is a hybrid. The perfect frame would consist of a carbon downtube for lateral rigidity and vertical compliance, a titanium seat tube to cancel out road buzz, one steel seatstay and one aluminum seatstay (aluminum on the driveside), one titanium chainstay and one carbon fiber chainstay (carbon on the driveside), one iso-truss top tube with patented “Groin Gr8er” technology, and a bamboo fork to smooth the whole thing out. Riding a bike like this would be an explosive and orgasmic epiphany that would launch you straight to nirvana like a blissed-out circus freak being fired from a cannon.

Who is the Greatest Cyclist of All Time?

Dizz Hicks, due entirely to his brilliant “Flirtin’ With Dizzaster” ad campaign. “I am Specialized?” I don’t think so.




137 comments:

Anonymous said...

Podium!

Andrew said...

huh?

Anonymous said...

Plasmodium

Anonymous said...

dropped on the last climb....

bykviking said...

Beauty! It is uncanny how often I agree with you, yet you retain the ability to so eloquently describe your beliefs while I would prattle on and on about this and that and likely make a list, which are not nearly as fun to read because they don't lend themselves to witty commentary, oh and I like to use run-on sentences which drive most people crazy!

sd said...

Y'know, I was thinking about giving up this whole cycling thing, but then I read this. I own TWO! floor pumps. One of them even works. I am a cyclist, and I can't change that. Thank you, RTMS, for your positive outlook and insight. I'm off now to build a bamboo fork.

Anonymous said...

"Riding a bike like this would be an explosive and orgasmic epiphany that would launch you straight to nirvana like a blissed-out circus freak being fired from a cannon."

Priceless!

idiotic said...

no. it's steel.

THIS IS EXCELLENT NEWS!! FOR HILLARY!!!

techb3 said...

pk ripper!

AH said...

Naw, RTMS. I think the Gray Wolf is the greatest cyclist ever.

Anonymous said...

The spirited and thought-provoking comments from the last few days didn't cause me to pause and introspect or soul-searching, even though I'm a fan of BSNYC/RTMS. The readers who posted those comments would do well to take a look in the mirror!

Fietz Pootie said...

damn, pack finish

O' Bama said...

why do you cling to your bikes ?

Don't do drugs said...

Two curling with mesculine references in one blog? whats wrong snobby you have a bad trip recently?

Jim said...

Meta comments on the meta commentary:

When exactly did you become so bitter?

BSNYC is not bitter. BSNYC is a process of becoming. While BSNYC may seem as bitter as Betty's bitter butter of yore, seemingness is an illusion. BSNYC will not be tomorrow what BSNYC is today.

It seems as though everything and everyone annoys you in some way, shape, or form.

This is not a criticism. It is an observation that BSNYC is, at heart, a road cyclist. He may ride MTBs from time to time, but he is a roadie at heart. *All* people, places and things annoy roadies, at all times. It's part of the deal when you slip into the bib shorts, slather your undercarriage with lubricants of dubious provenance, and start spinning 90 RPM.

I'd really enjoy your blog if you were just the slightest bit more positive,

And I'd really enjoy Shannon Elizabeth if she'd agree to date me, but it ain't happenin' so I guess we're both going to have to get used to the idea of "settling."

but I suppose that's what the whole snob part calls for.

[silent, blinded by flash of lightning that occurred when commenter Anon had that Eureka moment.]

Oh well, who else would every disgruntled messenger and hipster turn to when they need their pretentious/I'm better than everyone except for my tight group of friends fix.

Well, other than the people who post on FGG, possibly Swobo's Stevil at How to Avoid the Bummer Life... but one does always get the impression that Stevil's comments, like his life, are rather tongue in cheek and possibly self-deconstructing...

You're a fine writer, far better than myself,

I think you meant to write "far better than me." Then again, maybe you didn't.

but can you for just one day not check craigslist looking to make fun of someone?

Can Superman do evil deeds (Bizzaro Superman notwithstanding)? Can a fish fly (other than certain de minimis exceptions)? Can one ever be certain of the authenticity of the ads for hot casual sex on Craigslist?

Um, Hellls no!


Something tells me you would never say such things to someone's face, and that's something you might want to consider.

Two points - you should probably wait until things stop telling you stuff *before* you start writing blog comments. Second, see my comments about Snob's roadie soul above - roadies are far meaner in person than they are in writing. So I guess you have it right, BSNYC would probably never say stuff like that to your face, he'd be far more acerbic. My bad for doubting you even for a second, Anon.

AnnaZed said...

... Using a mini pump or even a frame pump for home use shows a disturbing lack of commitment to proper inflationary technique...

Ok, when I sell a bike I say the following is needed.

1.) A Co2 Cartridge and an air chuck (like this):

http://tinyurl.com/4d9tfa

2.) A frame mounted pump like this:

http://tinyurl.com/4letxc

3.) and of course a floor pump like this:

http://tinyurl.com/4xetkd

Why? Because the Co2 is for emergencies (one shot only).
The frame pump is just to get you home (but WILL NOT actually get you up to your needed psi).
The floor pump has an actual guage so that you can actually tell what you are doing (run those bad boys hard and tight I say - for a faster ride).

This results in some buyers thinking that I am sort of playin' them, but they always do what I say anyway. Only about one third of them are going to go on the be cyclists anyway.

I'm just sayin'.

vacuumrunamok said...

2) A “cyclist” is someone who owns a floor pump.

Ponder this:

I finally got around to buying a floor pump after using a Road Morph as my only pump for a year and guess what? Its nozzle doesn't seal on my valves because they're not long enough. So until I go through my current and already purchased extra tubes, I will continue to use my Road Morph as my only pump.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Vacuumrunamok,

Whoa! That Road Morph is the "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" of pumps.

--RTMS

AnnaZed said...

vacuumrunamok since a road morph has a gague (and a little foot!)

http://www.topeak.com/products/detail/239

it sort of is a floor pump - almost.

Robin said...

I'm a cyclist!

Grant said...

vacuum is justifying that he is still a cyclist.

So dont worry guys.

Anonymous said...

but if they made swimming & running mandatory with every road race, would you still cycle? Ah ha!

Anonymous said...

Gray Wolf is my hero does he have a blog too?

smartypants said...

AnnaZed,

I agree with you in principle, but why carry CO2 and a portable pump? Why not just a compact, portable pump? Less weight, less space, less confusion. Everyone understands how a pump works, but I've found that CO2 can be intimidating - which isn't good when it only works once.

vacuumrunamok,

Buy a PV-to-Schrader adapter for $1.29 and start using your floor pump. The adapter will make your valves long enough for your floor pump to work on them.

BSNYC,

I'm not sure where you're going with the whole Kevin Kline/DZ thing. I mean, clearly, Kevin had a pair of feminine legs growing out of his shoulders back in the 80's, while Dave does not. Though, on his blog, he recently pointed out that someone in the peleton thinks he looks like Ned Flanders.

Back to my comment to annazed above. Not "everyone" understands pumps I guess. A friend whom I recently helped get started on a bike had to take their ride in to a shop a few weeks after buying it to get them to pump the tires up. No matter how hard they pumped, no air was going in to the tires. Turns out the bloke hadn't unscrewed the nut on the presta valve's stem. . .

Anonymous said...

But the bike itself IS secondary, is it not? As Lance himself wrote, "'Taint about the bike."

Anonymous said...

If one finds BSNYC/RTMS a bit bitter, go work in a bike shop. Everything he says is all too true, and will be reinforced every single day you go to work.

Anonymous said...

I can't blame somebody for not liking the Snob, but it's always funny when angry people presume to know how much time he spends blogging versus riding. As if BS needs to, like, step up and prove something on the tarmac.

Say, maybe somebody can make a fixed-gear recreation of the tied-together-at-the-wrists knife fight from "Beat It" and post it on youTube. BSNYC vs. a dentist on a Serotta!

Lorna doone said...

The "Groin Gr8er" ... beautiful! I can just feel it now.
So this post will probably gr8 the brains of those who "just don't get you". And that's brilliant.

As for me, I'm on your side all the way... however many of you there really are (is?); I'm still convinced you have guest writers taking shots at this blog from time to time...giving the rookies a little air time, as it is. It's not so much a quality issue, as it is the tone of the writing. Something subtle and esoteric that is and isn't there.

But what do I know, even though I own a floor pump.

mr.complaint said...

-Fast Freddie seems to like his costume.

-The Greatest Cyclist of All Time with or without a floorpump:

http://tinyurl.com/yvwy7y

-floorpump? CHAINCLEANER!

Anonymous said...

i like the Rock Racing "skeletor" kit...cannot wait till they market those at $200 a jersey! I'll take two and a pack of gum please!

vacuumrunamok said...

Snob and Annazed,

That little bugger of a pump is both the alpha and the omega, the phenomenal and the noumenal. It straddles two realities as easily as a tight panted hipster straddles their dad's too-big old road bike which they've just converted to fixie.

Smartypants,

After having my old Road Morph die (which endured two years of being strapped to my frame in Seattle's weather so I'm not bitter, I just bought another one to help out the economy) on me one morning, thus making me late to work, I can very much understand why one would want to carry CO2 and a frame/hand pump. I don't, but that's because I've had six flats in the last two weeks and I refuse to give into pessimism.

Anonymous said...

what about the cheese? still waiting for the cheese! bring me my cheese snob. enough of the crap. you've promised, now deliver. or hire the king of wheel suckers(kows) to deliver it for you. i'll wait not one second past three for my cheese. the only, and i mean ONLY, appropriate metaphor for cycling is cheese. and the only definition of a proper cyclist is, that's right, cheese. i mean really. cheese.

AnnaZed said...

smartypants… why carry CO2 and a portable pump?

Because I am a girl. While I am capable of riding the same tubes without incident for upwards of two years I am also capable of having two flats in one day. Also, the chances of my having said flat in a knarly location whilst the sun is setting is also relatively high. So, whip out the Co2 and – bam ! - Bob’s your uncle, and you are leaving Dodge City just behind the land-speed record. Believe me, if I can wrangle that tricky little bad-boy so can you. Besides it only weighs 21.40 grams, and I’m not riding that light of a bike to begin with – cool. Actually, in fact beware that in addition to being “cool,” it is also COLD when used – so wear gloves, which weigh … oh nevermind.

… No matter how hard they pumped, no air was going in to the tires. Turns out the bloke hadn't unscrewed the nut on the presta valve's stem. . ..

I can’t tell you how many times I have pumped up tires for people for this very reason. I am always really nice about this. For the record I ALWAYS show customers how to use the presta valve. For fuck’s sake, how on earth would they know otherwise? Assuming that people just “know” such things is snobbery of the worst kind. I am an inclusive (if predatory) sort of a bike-salesperson.

Anonymous said...

I carry 2 co2 cartridges.

bitter zen roadie said...

That's a floorpump without the gauge I hope.

AnnaZed said...

... I carry 2 co2 cartridges ...

Well, so do I if I remember, but I have still been reduced to the pump more than once. It's a fall-back position. Again, mine is not a light bike. It has one of these for fuck's sake:

http://www.somafab.com/morningrush.html

Seriously, though I ditched the cup (impossible to clean) and just use it for take-out cups.

Ok, bring on the derision.

In my defense I have no cycling computer - miles, speed, cadence, time itself? - who cares!

Anonymous said...

"When exactly did you become so bitter?..... I'd really enjoy your blog if you were just the slightest bit more positive"

Apparantly RTMS/BSNYC is fast becoming the Eminem of Bike Bloggery. How many of these "why are you so angry" messages do you get every week, and who are these people that want the world to be so sickly-sweet and pleasant.

If you want life to be warm and fuzzy, with constant positive reinforcement and group 'hugs', go join a cult or something.

Life gets a bit gritty sometimes, like the chain grease on your leg after a great ride. Its still a great ride, just a bit messy.

Anonymous said...

They asked and they received.

suicideking15 said...

Did you cry when you read those comments? Then make like the guy that gets caught telling black jokes with; "I have a lot of black friends..."

"I get dropped, I am a lazy mountain biker..Wahh wahhh I am just like the people I harpoon daily."

Stick to your guns. Let the people rocking 650's fall where they may.

Commiecanuk said...

BSNYC,

Bad form on the Spinergy wheel pic, this wheel was rumored to have severed a testicle at the 1996 TDF. No, not "Francis", another testicle.

You're not bitter. I'm bitter. I can't wait to hit my 50s and write into the local shopping papers about bad driving and those punk kids on my lawn, it's all their parents fault. I can also write about the price of gas and how there is nothing we can do about it, 'cause the missus eats Alpo before I give up my 7 mpg (highway) GMC Branchero. Although I will admit I'm looking at the 9 mpg Branchero Hybrid.

Kudos on the floor pump requirement, this is the only way to deter bike thieves, they used to steal horses before some rustlers were found roped to a tree with a floor pump up the ass. They can also be used for pumping tires in a pinch.

Annazed..few people know that the Shrader valve was invented by Karl-Johan Schrader, Nazi architect. Thank god is was replaced by Giacomo Pasquale Presta's design. (Presta was Mussolini's architect). Sure, hate Fascism, but they got the trains on time and the correct air pressure.

JimmyNick said...

"[N]o matter what you’re doing you can always quit. And that is a beautiful lesson. Knowing that life itself is optional is the key to getting through it."

This leads me to believe that BSNY = David Gilmour. Except Gilmour's pretentious self-pity is never funny.

Commiecanuk said...

AnnaZed said...

... I carry 2 co2 cartridges ...


Why do you hate the planet? Al Gore's personality died for your sins.

Anonymous said...

RTMS/BSNYC,
I would love for you to call out "lawyers, doctors, and dentists" as if you are somehow above them because they may choose to ride a single speed or fixed gear bike and to judge like some guy who sits behind his computer and rants the same shit everyday..."you're ruining my subculture, stop riding bianchi pistas!!!" You should be more official and stop having periods of introspection and soul searching. btw, have some balls and post this.

When exactly did you become so contemplative and philosophical? It seems as though everything and everyone causes you to think rather than to emote in some way, shape, or form. I'd really enjoy your blog if you were just the slightest bit more emotional and judgmental , but I suppose that's what the whole snob part calls for. Oh well, who else would every disgruntled lawyer, doctor and dentist turn to when they need their purposeful /”I'm want to be better than what I am” fix. You're a fine writer, far better than myself, but can you for just one day not take some time to analyze the very nature of cycling itself seeking to advance someone? Something tells me you would never ponder such bigger questions behind someone’s back without their knowledge, and that's something you might want to consider.

--- an appreciative reader ---

Anonymous said...

You should be MORE negative! The best part of your blog is making fun of people. People that take pictures of their fix gears and post them online deserve to be made fun of (If they put brakes on them they could ride them and wouldn't have time to take pictures) Keep up the good work

Jim said...

Annazed - how did you know Bob's my uncle? Amazing. It's like we have some kind of magical connection or something. Weird.

Fritz said...

Your "explosive and orgasmic epiphany" bike -- oh boy, that had me gasping for breath with its hilarity.

I think you'll like this.

Martin Van Nostrand said...

BSNYC = Happy Gilmour.

pete said...

" who else would every disgruntled messenger and hipster turn to when they need their pretentious/I'm better than everyone except for my tight group of friends fix?"

isnt that exactly who you make fun of, and not neccesarily write for? missing the point? definitely, may the apalaca of doom destroy them a breath of firey breath.

i promise ill buy a floor pump real soon

Anonymous said...

Dear BSNYC,

In reference to your first reader's quote, I feel I have to confess to being somewhat of a pariah in your eyes: a fixed gear riding doctor. I am also an avid reader of your blog. Why? Well I suppose I am a bit of a masochist (like alot on here!) Secondly you probably stop me doing something rash, like mounting inappropiately placed brake levers, or indeed removing them altogether. Thirdly, it is fairly entertaining, dare I say it, and the piss-taking done with good humour.
I shall keep coming back for more, because I just can't help myself. I will also continue to ride fixed gear and practice medicine (not at the same time though) just to antagonise you enough to keep your creative juices flowing.
-OH
London

P.S. I am in NYC in 2 weeks time with the girlfriend for a holiday, could you do me the the ultimate honour of spitting on my fixie? I would never wash it again. ;-)

smartypants said...

suicideking:

What you got against 650's?

Anonymous said...

yikes... who's been riding with the 60 grit chamois?

Its amusing to see someone get their doctor/ lawyer/ accountant panties in a knot...

...or someone bemoan the "negativity"... life is pain princess.

randy neuman said...

smartypants said...
suicideking:
What you got against 650's?


Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live

They got little hands
And little eyes
And they walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Round here

Short People are just the same
As you and I
(A Fool Such As I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's A Wonderful World)

Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
And they stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here

Anonymous said...

Long live Randy Newman!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Dare I say it -- you are not a true cyclist unless you own a Silca floor pump.

Anonymous said...

Who is number 1?

Amir said...

AMIR IS NUMBER ONE!!!

smartypants said...

Ahhh, yes. Silca floor pumps. Handles lovingly handcarved from the finest extinct tropical hardwoods. Shafts carefully forged from steel so pure, it would bring tears to the eye of any alchemist. Internal seals fashioned from leather made by tanning the foreskins of baby orangutans.

Silca floor pumps. The true mark that one is a real cyclist.

g said...

bloody knuckles. the true mark of owning a silca floor pump.

bikesgonewild said...

...if aliens came down to rule the planet & the first thing they read (assuming aliens read) was a weeks worth of rtms/bsnyc columns & comments, i'm sure the ensuing confusion would have them packing their little alien bags & getting out a' here fast...

smartypants said...

BGW,

You know, the penalty for breaking cover is death.

Knock knock. . . .

tyson said...

how do you classify bmxers? the skatepark, handrail, dirt jumping type. are they sophisticated enough to hold the term 'cyclist'?

John Mark said...

YOU CAN'T JUST NAME DIZZ HICKS THE BEST CYCLIST OF ALL TIME ALL BY HIMSELF!!!! You can't mention Dizz without mentioning Ceppie Mays. Dizz and Cep are a package deal, end of story. The yin of Dizz's Twisted Sister wedge ramp stylings must be paired with the yang of Ceppie's World Party/Mary Chain thing.

But seriously, if you taped an entire CW demo and just spliced together the poses Dizz struck at the top of the wedge, I'm pretty sure the finished product would be indistinguishable from Poison's Talk Dirty to Me video.

smartypants said...

Hey. Let's try to keep it clean on here. No more talking about Ceppie's yang thing!

Large marge said...

You can't mention Dizz without mentioning Ceppie Mays. Dizz and Cep are a package deal, end of story. The yin of Dizz's Twisted Sister wedge ramp stylings must be paired with the yang of Ceppie's World Party/Mary Chain thing.

Speakie the English!

Besides, the greatest cyclist ever, by far, was Pee-Wee Herman. Lord knows were he would be today if not for that fateful event of producing public knuckle children.

quaffimodo said...

Imodium!

Anonymous said...

palladium!

Anonymous said...

medium!

Anonymous said...

Carpedium!

chloride said...

sodium!

leroy said...

Is it just me or does bike polo remind you of curling on mescalin?

Splic said...

Haha! Those guys listed all of the reasons that I read your blog in the first place. Your bitterness is unmatched, your disregard for whomever you flame is epic, and your rants are hilarious. These people are complaining about the core attributes of your blog... so why the hell are they even reading it?

If these people can't grasp your sense of humor then they really should spend more time riding theirs bikes than reading this blog.. wait, that sounds vaguely familiar.

And for the record all of my hipster and messenger friends hate your blog, though I can't speak for the rest of your demographic. Oh yeah and since when do you ride a Bianchi Pista?

Lastly... I've got a mini hand pump and an air compressor... floor pumps are for wimps.

Emily said...

As a cyclist who likes swimming around in the ocean it was sadly inevitable that I would be tempted over to the dark side sooner or later. I'm not proud of my occasional triathlon habit (and I do it only on weekends and I can stop any time I want I swear), but we all have our personal demons.
However having been born in the frozen north I might be up for the curling-and-mescaline triathlon too. Would the mescaline leg be before the swim? That could get ugly.

leroy said...

Anon 4:00 PM --

Valium.

Anonymous said...

First. SUCKERS!

girl in the park said...

Amir, do you even ride bikes? Let alone own a floor pump? Or do you just use your Swedish p3nile pump?

smartypants said...

emily:

I can sympathize. I suggest we leave the bike leg intact, and instead replace the swim with a pizza-and-beer fest after the run. Wait, let's just replace the actual "run" featured in most tris with a mad dash from the transition area to the picnic tables holding said pizza and beer.

To keep it interesting, we can all go curling AFTER the official bike-run-eat triathlon has finished. Curling, while on our tri bikes, that is.

Vegas Kid said...

Commiecanuck, roped to a tree with a floor pump up the ass? Here in Vegas, we have a name for that--we call it a "second date."

A Godforsaken Wasteland said...

BSNYC

I can't believe that no one has mentioned how uncanny the resemblance really is between DZ and KK....wacky.

OpenYourEyes said...

Snob,
I say again, do you need a hug?

I have always thought only roadies were cyclists. Everyone else was simply some form of lesser off-shoot. You can't claim MTB'er is a cyclist because they have to drive every friggin' place in order to ride (usually). And, cyclist implies the craven lust for racing. Not strung out one-by-one riding up a mountain, and not around and around the track until the last 50 meters, and not the walking down the sidewalk pushing your ride with your cranks turning, but the exhilarating rush of "hold your line" and "pull through" ringing in your ears. The beauty of freshly shaven legs in your favorite silken pajamas, ohh I could go on and on... No, my friends, accept no substitutes. Cycling belongs to roadies only, the rest are just there to wannabe.

And an air compressor instead of a floor pump? You put that in your car on race day? Seriously though, I hope your limp wrist heals up so you can start to use a floor pump.

TubeSnob said...

AnnaZed, when exactly did you become so bitter?

Anonymous said...

Emily, perhaps you can help me.

After reading today's blog, I thought, "Wow, I finally understand why I've had such an awkward time relating to the triathletes I know. I own a floor pump (by marriage), and ride with both CO2 and a frame pump."

How can I better relate to the tri people? I've tried to offer tips about the "biking part" because they all tell me, that's the part they hate the most. Should I try swimming in the lake?

Scott said...

I wish Velonews would take that picture of Freddie Rodriguez down. It hurts my eyes every time I load the page. I like how "proud" he looks, like he had to drink himself into submission before donning the thing.

Robbie McEwen's lead-out man to reject-riddle ugly-uniform American cycling team? That's a long way to fall in just one year.

Anonymous said...

What I like most about this blog:

It's a bit like sex. It's messy, it's sweaty, a lot gets said that you may or may not remember, and there's usually some kind of reference to Mario Cippolini..

Crackhead said...

Anon 4:26

Not all triathletes are as you describe. I, for one, like the biking part the best and is what I'm best at. I have a road bike, an MTB and a tri bike. Guess which one gets the most miles on it now? Roadie.

Someday I'll get sick of tris and just ride the bikes.

But I do carry CO2 on the road bike :(

Anonymous said...

BS,

I'm truly flattered that my comment (I'm the 2nd one) made it to the front page! Great response- I especially loved the break down on what classifies a cyclist. I use a friend's floor pump, but I'm calling myself a cyclist anyway. But in all seriousness, I really enjoyed both the spotlight and the response, and to confirm your suspicions, I am in fact "crazy" and I have the prescription medication to prove it! Take it easy, and stop hating! (ha)

smartypants said...

crackhead,

I think you raise exactly the point BSNYC was trying to make in this post. There's a difference between a cyclist who happens to compete in triathlons, vs. a plain old garden-variety triathlete (whom we cyclists-who-happen-to-compete-in-triathlons are supposed to poke fun at.)

dominic said...

cw bikes were lame. the only better haircut than dizz hicks was martin aparijo.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 4:38pm,

I'm glad you enjoyed the cameo.

--BSNYC

erik k said...

"Anonymous said...

You should be MORE negative! The best part of your blog is making fun of people"

well said if he stopped making fun of people what would I photoshop, mescaline induced bike polo curling ?

bikesgonewild said...

...smartypants...oops, my bad...

...& large marge...wow, right on, babe !!!...regarding pee wee: "greater love hath no man"...

...well, wait...i should clarify that statement..."greater love hath no man than this, that he lay done his life for his bicycle"...it's like bill shakespeare or scripture or something but i think we saw it embodied in "pee wee's big adventure" when our hero was willing to go to the ends of the earth, to get his bike back...

...i didn't want you to think i was referring to that incident when pee wee brought new meaning to the term "knuckle sandwich"...

bikesgonewild said...

...wow, erik k...last time i took mescaline that is pretty much the kinda vision i saw...as i was curling (curled ???) up on the floor w/ stones that felt like they weighed 40lbs apiece...

...just seein' & sayin'...

Judi said...

YAY!!! Fun laughable post!

AnnaZed said...

…AnnaZed, when exactly did you become so bitter? …

TeeHee. Well, the snob and I are of like mind a lot of the time even though I KNOW in my heart that if he saw my bikes he would throw-up in his mouth a little.

And whoever said that stuff about being 50 years old; think about the snob’s cultural references. Do you think he’s 25 years old? Not so much.

I’m just sayin’.

…It's a bit like sex. It's messy, it's sweaty, a lot gets said that you may or may not remember, and there's usually some kind of reference to Mario Cippolini….

Hey there wait a minute. I have a new boyfriend and in 60 days of non-stop sex Mario’s neither regions haven’t been mentioned once. Now, true, he is not a cyclist and would have no idea what I was talking about, but still does that mean that I am not a cyclist?

And, erik k – you are my hero.

Magnus said...

Hey RTMS, please forgive the shameless plug, but you failed to mention my coffee. And enough about the nature of cycling. Let's all ponder the fact that Corvette Summer was the GREATEST MOVIE of all time!

Magnus said...

Damn your English keyboards with their "m" keys... Terminate your thirst!

Anonymous said...

Annazed, 60 days of nonstop sex? That would mean that while you were typing these comments...

AnnaZed said...

Ok, I exagerated, a little.

Anonymous said...

... and while you were checking your CO2 cartridges...

bikemike said...

Annazed,
I was heart broken to hear you had a new beau. But then, after your decription of the past 60 days without one reference to the Cippo I realized this is one shallow d0od you are temporarily attached to and there realy truely is hope for me yet!!!
After your description of your life in pumps I have only one comment, please say you will be mine...

Anonymous said...

I also think there needs to be some acknowledgment that cyclists don't have to be cyclists all the time. When I encounter roadies who don't know the difference between "being on a ride" and "going somewhere", I don't want to be a cyclist. For the record, if I'm not wearing cycling specific clothing (gloves and shoes don't count)I am "going somewhere" so stop sneering at me. In the future I will respond, "I have a floor pump".

Anonymous said...

bsncy,
nothing to do with todays post but you might find this of interest

http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/showthread.php?t=121427

Maybe you know this sight, maybe you don't. This is a sight dedicated to folk who love to throw themselves off cliffs and generally ride bikes with more than 6 inches of travel. This thread is the third in the last week having to do with fixies. I'm no expert, but it has me worried.

broomie said...

How to relate to triathletes:

Unfortunately there are a few things that are completely lost on triathletes; irony, nuance, subtlety, humor, innuendo and metaphor. Except for Mark Allen and Scott Tinley but they aren't so much Triathletes as Beings of pure endurance from a higher plane. That's why even though I race triathlons, I don't really speak to triathletes.

Commie Canuck. At the end of every ride I like to degass my sixpacks of CO2s and then I dump them into the storm drain with my Transmission fluid.

Anonymous said...

when bsnyc isnt writing his blog, he's trolling on velocitynation being a total dick and complete downer. he has no friends, except his 100 or so daily nerd-ass commenters. surprise surprise, he lives in prospect park...

Craig, The Flanders Fat Cat said...

As someone who would likely simultaneously crave and loath praise, take this as you will. That was an excellent and insightful piece of writing. I espescially liked--not to mention, identified with--the part regarding getting dropped. Many epiphanies and existential realizations waft about in the oxygen deprived exhaust of an escaping peleton.

smartypants said...

anon 8:30:

Prospect park you say?

Better dial it up to 400 watts. . .

smartypants said...

Craig, and/or anyone else who might actually be concerned about getting dropped:

You seriously need to take up triathlon! Just learn to deal with the swim and run, and you'll realize a big benefit - there's no such thing as getting dropped! There's no such thing as a peleton either, of course. So no more "close the gap!" garbage. You just have to be ready to dodge frozen water bottles launched out of improperly angled behind-the-seat bottle cages.

Oh, and the occasional snot rocket from someone who doesn't know enough to check behind them first.

Oh, and then there's the art of passing people who have never ridden within 60 feet of another cyclist.

And the run part, and the swim part.

Ok, so maybe it's not worth the tradeoffs anyways. . . But yeah, you never have to worry about getting dropped!

Anonymous said...

Podium... damn, missed again! Must be lag or the time difference or something.

Johnny Sprocket said...

What's wrong with these people? It's the internet, you don't take it seriously! It's only good for 2 things... bike porn, and porn. (In that order!)

scott Imrich said...

Dizz! Him & Ceppie are why I rode a CW, and did lots of kick turns. Cycling at it's very best!

Anonymous said...

Using BSNYC/RTMS's operative definition of "cyclist" triathletes: I am officially a cyclist!

Too bad I still have to swim and run to justify riding my bike.

While most of my fellow triathletes are indeed freaks in half shirts (and sometimes banana hammocks), most of us just like riding our bike at a relatively slow paces for really long periods of time. Road riders' speeding up, slowing down and occasional turning scares us.

Emily said...

smartypants,
I would be all for a swim-bike-pizza triathlon, with curling during the awards ceremony. The run has always seemed like a very long transition between bike and pizza anyway.
anonymous 4:26,
You are a saint and a genius if you can actually convey to a non-cyclist triathlete how to ride a road bike effectively. Godspeed!

urchin said...

Broomie,
You've just matched my definition of roadies...

xavier novell said...

hellow biker from catalonia !!!!


salut i ciclisme per un tub.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 8:30 -- one of 100 or so daily nerd-ass commenters? I'll take that as a compliment.

Anonymous said...

defing cyclist is separating your self from other, less cool riders of bikes. your purpose is to puncture ballons, not inflate new ones.

AMRcyclist said...

Great post (comments inclusive)!

And now, I can tell myself I am a cyclist.

BTW, I would wear Rodrigues kit if I got paid the same to ride a bike...

The question: does BSNYC still ride a bicycle?

smartypants said...

emily 12:59am:

You would have been laughing as hard as I was during the run of an oly last year. I commented to another competitor that it seemed like a LOT of people were just doing the good ol' walking-pace "ironman shuffle" and chatting it up, rather than actually putting any effort into it. He responded back that the run was just a chatty social gathering for freaks that happened after a good swim and a bike time trial.

I laughed nearly as hard during the first run of a du earlier in the season, when a guy I passed asked me "Is this the way to the bike race?"

PS - does your coach know you're up at 1 in the morning browsing teh interwebs instead of sleeping???

steevo said...

When I was a BMX rat circa 1992, there were legends of Dizz Hicks doing state fairs. There was an even crazier rumor that he would let you shit on him for 200 dollars. I know people that can confirm this.

Anonymous said...

BSYNC, I still love you. Even with all of the mean spirited things you say about the types of bikes I ride. No hate mail here, if I did not like it I would not come back time and time again. It appears that you have some magnetism about your writing that pisses some people off so bad that they just have to come back time and time again to get their blood boiling, even to the point of writing hate mail. And they say you should spend more time riding than writing...hmmm they need to look in the mirror on that one.

Anonymous said...

bikesnob rules. those other guys do not.

Anonymous said...

cheese?

Commiecanuk said...

smartypants said...
anon 8:30:
Prospect park you say?
Better dial it up to 400 watts. . .


Oh please. No internal nudge-nudge references to that haven of mouth-breathing inbred geniuses at bikeforums. It continues to amaze me that working a computer used to be considered what smart people use.

Curling on mesculine..Strange Brew...I'm outing BSNYC as a Canadian. I'm checking to see if he has a concealed weapons permit for a stapler.

Crackhead said...

Broomie:

Wow, nice generalization about triathletes, although I do have to agree many are humorless.

Not me, though. I play with Barbies.

I have TWO floor pumps.

leroy said...

Whoa Eric K --

So that bike polo resembling curling on mescaline thing -- you've seen it too!

Thanks, brother!

I can't wait to share that with all those so-called medical professionals I meet who are so quick to throw around terms like delusional.

Well I have a term for them:

Lantern Rouge

smartypants said...

Commie, I can see that you're only in your 53x17, and you obviously have changed your helmet straps so that they match your fake pro team kit. You're gonna get dropped!!

So, did I ever tell you about the time when I tried to hit on a girl who helped me get back on my feet after wrecking my bike? I broke in to her car so I could leave a flower on her dash. . .

Anonymous said...

BSNYC/RTMS

This introspection thing is way over rated. You wouldn't get dropped if you didn't think about yourself so much.

The nation's emblem should include two crossed floor pumps circled by a deflated tubular.

Great post!

Wutz said...

Tyson - "how do you classify bmxers? the skatepark, handrail, dirt jumping type. are they sophisticated enough to hold the term 'cyclist'?"

As a bmx, singlespeed, and fixed rider I would like to suggest that bmx is as legit as mtb as far as meeting the cyclist criteria.

I wouldn't say that man can cycle on bmx alone, but I'd say it's an important part of this balanced breakfast.

Anonymous said...

Triathlon = bike ride, then beer and pizza

Anonymous said...

holy crap...someone else actually remembers Dizz Hicks.

mander said...

Best BSNYC... ahem RTMS Ever

Anonymous said...

So psyched on the Dizz Hicks reference... he was at Interbike a couple of years ago, and although I didn't actually meet him, I was starstruck to even be in the same city as him...

Stevo said...

spoken like the voice of obi-wan from star wars:

"Dizz Hicks. Dizz... Now, that's a name I've not heard in a long time. A long time.

Anonymous said...

коттедж
восстановление зрения
зеленый лазер
электрошокер

dining tables said...

Your blog is one of a kind. It is very different to all blog that I visited today. It is fabulous and very pleasant to read.

dinoibo said...

Sesli sohbet Sesli chat
Seslisohbet Seslichat
Sesli sohbet siteleri Sesli chat siteleri
Sesli Chat
Sohbet Sesli siteler
Sohbet siteleri Chat siteleri
Sohbet merkezi chat merkezi
Sesli merkezi sesli Sohbet merkezi
Sesli chat merkezi Sohbetmerkezi
Sesli Sohbet Sesli Chat
SesliSohbet Sesli chat siteleri
Sesli sohbet siteleri SesliChat
Sesli Sesli siteler
Seslimuhabbet sesli muhabbet
sesli sohbet sesli chat siteleri
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslisohbet seslichat
seslikent sesli kent
sesli sohbet sesli sohbet siteleri
sesli chat sesli chat siteleri
seslisohbet seslichat

ekle paylas said...

nice blog Thanks for sharing. voicesohbet was really very nice.
sesli chat siteleri sesli sohbet
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslichat seslisohbet
sesli siteleri chat siteleri
sohbet siteleri sesli siteler
voice sohbet sesli sohbet siteleri
sesli sohbet seslisohbet
sohbet siteleri sesli chat siteleri
seslichat sesli chat
herkesburda herkes burda
sohbetmerkezi sohbetmerkezi

Calvin Brock said...

Easily, the article is actually the best topic on this registry related issue. I fit in with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your next updates. Just saying thanks will not just be sufficient, for the fantasti c lucidity in your writing. I will instantly grab your rss feed to stay informed of any updates. Flooring Calgary