All The News That's Fit

As you know, I'm deep in the throes of a Midlife Fredding Crisis, which would go a long way towards explaining why my latest Outside column is about the perils of acquiring cycling fitness:

Not that I've actually acquired fitness, mind you, but I do come in contact occasionally with others who have.  I did however recently lower the stem of the Renovo by one (1) centimeter, which is a sign that I'm slightly fitter--or at least stupider--than I was a few months ago.  And while I may not be seeing any results out on the bike, I do have two (2) columns in the "Most Popular" section of Outside's site:

It didn't even cost me that much either.

Alas, I have no idea how Outside's Facebook readership will react to this most recent piece, nor have I been paying attention to that sort of thing recently, since I'm trying to regulate my intake of Internet commentary about how cyclists deserve to die.  Still, in 2018 it's impossible to avoid indignant strangers altogether.  Consider this tweet I recently tweeted:

What could possibly go wrong? pic.twitter.com/dP6y4UBScG

— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) April 24, 2018

As you can see, this utterly non-controversial tweet was total pandering on my part, because the Internet loves nothing more than pictures of cats in wacky situations.  Yet incredibly, someone managed to politicize it--and invoke helmets, which even I couldn't pull off:

I think US people are the only people that do not dish wash by hand. Even having a dish washing machine sounds peculiar to a citizen of any other country

This and not having a universal health care system

It is the american equivalent of Australia helmet law...

Firstly, I've washed many a dish in my life, and you can tell because of my soft hands:

Secondly, the apartment came with a dishwasher.  So should I not use it because it is a sign of American decadence?  How many smugness points do I have to deduct because I have one?  (I bet even David Byrne has a dishwasher.)  I suppose this person would have it that I should merely use it as a drying rack for my scrupulously hand-washed dishes, or else supplement my income by renting it out as a bedroom on Airbnb.  But no!  I've earned this indulgent appliance thanks to decades of half-assed work, and I refuse to be shamed by Lucas Jerzy Portela's Armpit of Justice:

Just for that I'm going to fire it up now and use it to wash a single fork that's already clean, and if the cat happens to die because I didn't notice her in there this time may it lie heavy on Lucas Jerzy Portela's conscience.

Finally...this:

TyreWiz is the first-of-its-kind tire pressure sensor for riders of mountain bikes and road bikes. Lightweight, durable, and powered by a long-lasting user-replaceable coin cell battery, TyreWiz monitors air pressure in real-time and relays the data to a cycling computer or a smartphone. The TyreWiz app uses that data to deliver personalized recommendations and pressure alerts. For the first time, riders have access to highly accurate real-time tire pressure data to make decisions that can affect rolling resistance, traction, tire wear, and rider comfort.

By far the best thing about the Quarq Tyrewiz is that it will give the rest of us a visible means of identifying people who have completely lost their minds.  Presumably some sort of sphincter adapter will become available eventually so the sorts of people who would use this sort of thing can carefully monitor how uptight they are.

Then again, I do have a dishwasher, so I guess I shouldn't talk.