Wednesday, April 25, 2018

All The News That's Fit

As you know, I'm deep in the throes of a Midlife Fredding Crisis, which would go a long way towards explaining why my latest Outside column is about the perils of acquiring cycling fitness:


Not that I've actually acquired fitness, mind you, but I do come in contact occasionally with others who have.  I did however recently lower the stem of the Renovo by one (1) centimeter, which is a sign that I'm slightly fitter--or at least stupider--than I was a few months ago.  And while I may not be seeing any results out on the bike, I do have two (2) columns in the "Most Popular" section of Outside's site:


It didn't even cost me that much either.

Alas, I have no idea how Outside's Facebook readership will react to this most recent piece, nor have I been paying attention to that sort of thing recently, since I'm trying to regulate my intake of Internet commentary about how cyclists deserve to die.  Still, in 2018 it's impossible to avoid indignant strangers altogether.  Consider this tweet I recently tweeted:

As you can see, this utterly non-controversial tweet was total pandering on my part, because the Internet loves nothing more than pictures of cats in wacky situations.  Yet incredibly, someone managed to politicize it--and invoke helmets, which even I couldn't pull off:


I think US people are the only people that do not dish wash by hand. Even having a dish washing machine sounds peculiar to a citizen of any other country

This and not having a universal health care system

It is the american equivalent of Australia helmet law...

Firstly, I've washed many a dish in my life, and you can tell because of my soft hands:


Secondly, the apartment came with a dishwasher.  So should I not use it because it is a sign of American decadence?  How many smugness points do I have to deduct because I have one?  (I bet even David Byrne has a dishwasher.)  I suppose this person would have it that I should merely use it as a drying rack for my scrupulously hand-washed dishes, or else supplement my income by renting it out as a bedroom on Airbnb.  But no!  I've earned this indulgent appliance thanks to decades of half-assed work, and I refuse to be shamed by Lucas Jerzy Portela's Armpit of Justice:


Just for that I'm going to fire it up now and use it to wash a single fork that's already clean, and if the cat happens to die because I didn't notice her in there this time may it lie heavy on Lucas Jerzy Portela's conscience.

Finally...this:


TyreWiz is the first-of-its-kind tire pressure sensor for riders of mountain bikes and road bikes. Lightweight, durable, and powered by a long-lasting user-replaceable coin cell battery, TyreWiz monitors air pressure in real-time and relays the data to a cycling computer or a smartphone. The TyreWiz app uses that data to deliver personalized recommendations and pressure alerts. For the first time, riders have access to highly accurate real-time tire pressure data to make decisions that can affect rolling resistance, traction, tire wear, and rider comfort.

By far the best thing about the Quarq Tyrewiz is that it will give the rest of us a visible means of identifying people who have completely lost their minds.  Presumably some sort of sphincter adapter will become available eventually so the sorts of people who would use this sort of thing can carefully monitor how uptight they are.

Then again, I do have a dishwasher, so I guess I shouldn't talk.

61 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your best Outside piece yet. Thank you ! You left out the time spent reading about anything cycling related is time spent away from reading about something that actually matters

Anonymous said...

And read it.

Late Stroke Bob said...

#whatsphincterpressureyourunning

HDEB said...

Steel is real : )

Anonymous said...

The cat found a private place to pee and snob ruins it by taking a photo. She'll have to find some other place now.

Schisthead said...

Huh.

They misspelled both 'tire' and 'whiz'.

Anonymous said...

what pressure you runnin
xx
z
podio

Il Pirata est Mort said...

Me too. And funny as hell too!

Joseph Morley said...

Even though I find the tyrewiz ridiculous it does help bring balance to the universe. Some jackleg checking their pressure every three seconds while riding surely has to help offset the rider whose tires only get aired up once a year during the annual tuneup.

N/A said...

Nice article in the Outside online magazine, Wildcat.

I counter any chance of surreptitious fitness by regular mid-ride burritos and beers. Suck it, heart health!



The smug "Americans are doing it wrong" comments are lame and hackneyed. Y'all enjoy your Renaults and spotted Dicks, and we'll enjoy dropping our dirty dishes in a magic box that cleans our excessively fatty food remnants off of them.
Also, and no way in hell I'm looking this up, are modern dishwashers significantly more wasteful than hand-washing dishes?

Chazu said...

Not that anyone cares, but it may be of interest to someone to mention that a consistent regimen of calisthenics at home caused me to gain nearly 30 pounds over my "peak cycling fitness" weight. (I always follow a calisthenics workout with a GMO-free whey chaser) Yet I can wear the same pants I wore when I pursued Fredly cycling fitness with the passion and resources of a single guy with disposable income.

Now filling out a questionnaire for my employer's healthcare benefits leads them to conclude that I'm borderline obese based solely on my Body Mass Index. Lean body mass doesn't seem to be acceptable to the corporate healthcare algorithms. They only care about heigh/weight ratio.

TL;DR; A recent study by Harvard medical school concludes that resistance training leads to healthier outcomes as people age.

Anonymous said...

what pressure you russian will no longer be a secret for hackers.
and kudos any time you invoke david byrne or the talking freds into your column.

Ellie said...

Could you get David Byrne's number for me? We want him to go riding with us when he comes here in May! Group ride of three.

Anonymous said...

The latest outside has to be right up there with the best articles. While your life happens without you; and there is a stigma on what is normally considered positive behaviour. Like that.

dancesonpedals said...

Excuse me for a comment relative to your previous post, but once again, the Garden State shows how it's done. "Do you know who I am" is so last year. Now you say, "Don't call me miss, I'm the commissioner. You may shut the f**k up"

YouBestBelieveTheDishesAreClenWhenTheyComeOutOfMYDishwasher said...

Photo of dishwasher, some of the worse, most inefficient dish placement I've ever seen. Dirty side of plates/bowl pointing away from the water spray, pushed against red plastic top, etc. No wonder people from other countries make fun of us.

Anonymous said...


Speaking of group rides, I see the Campagnolo GFNY World Championship New York City is scheduled for SUN, MAY 20, 2018. Whether Wildcat gets his FonDon't up and running or not, I'll be cycling on the left bank of the Hudson that same morning. Maybe see you on the trail....

(Won't be seeing David Byrne though...)

Charles Young said...

Won't you have to balance your wheel if you throw that TyreWhiz on your stem? Seems like too many grams for the real gram weenies.

Robert Plant said...

"Ellie said...
Could you get David Byrne's number for me? We want him to go riding with us when he comes here in May! Group ride of three."

Insert rock star groupie riding joke here.

Anonymous said...

I gave up on cycling fitness when I hit fifty last year. Now I'm all about riding for fun, escape and scenery. I now look forward to going out for a ride, instead of slightly dreading it. There are enough things that we HAVE to do like working, paying taxes, wearing pants, no reason to add cycling to that list.

BikeSnobNYC said...

YouBestBelieveTheDishesAreClenWhenTheyComeOutOfMYDishwasher,

Oh great, here come the Dish Freds...

--Wildcat Etc.

grog said...

You have a dishwasher? Sheesh, I don't even have dishes. But I do have 2 cats who would never sit in a dishwasher.
Do you have a cycling fitness regimen which includes beer? Asking for a friend.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. BSNYC -

My dog informs me that "Here Come the Dish Freds" was the working title of "Here Come The Warm Jets."

He also says he tried to <a href="https://twitter.com/leroys_dog/status/988772765170888704>warn you about the cat.</a>

wle said...

They've got them in the Mother Land, England, I've seen it in the moo-vies..
Dishwashers that is...

Anonymous said...

And I thought other countries made fun of us only for having "the pursuit of happiness" in our Constitution.

Grump said...

I thought that dishwashers were for cleaning bike parts. After the last of my 27 kids left the nest, I find that it takes close to a week to fill up my dishwasher. I also used to use it to bathe my cat. (the secret to that is to set it to warm gentle wash). To be safe, I had a cat sized bike helmet made.

Anonyme said...

Le Chien du Le Roy

Je l'ai corrigé pour vous.

leroy said...


Oh great, now I'm getting grief about how I can't post a link because I'm all opposable thumbs.

************
Dear Mr. BSNYC -

My dog informs me that "Here Come the Dish Freds" was the working title of "Here Come The Warm Jets."

He also says he tried to warn you about the cat.

ricochet said...

Love the Taj Mihelich art!

Anonymous said...

Do people leave comments on the Outside articles? Surely yes but I can’t find them. Gotta be entertaining!

1904 Cadardi said...

N/A

Modern dishwashers are more efficient than hand washing.

Not sure how good they are at washing cats though. Probably needs a good rinse agent.

Th. Jefferson said...

"And I thought other countries made fun of us only for having "the pursuit of happiness" in our Constitution."

The Constitution of the Untied State does not mention "the pursuit of happiness." But the Declaration of Independence mentions it as among the Truths we hold to be self evident.

Oh yeah said...

Did anyone see the Op-Ed in the Times today about how cars are ruining our cities?

So so so late to the party . . . . .

Fredder said...

1904 Cadardi is right, or so say the energy and consumer pundits; a properly operated dishwasher will use less energy than washing by hand. Take that Lucas Jerzy Portela Mushroom!!

bad boy of the south said...

Dish freds are called madges.thank you and you're welcome.

Jobst Brandt said...

I was a dish Fred before you were born.

Anonymous said...

What the heck? I included a link to discourse on dishwasher efficiency but it got removed.

It was paid for by US fun ticket taxes, so read it and get your money's worth!
https://www.energystar.gov/products/appliances/dishwashers/dishwasher_hand_washing

1904 Cadardi said...

Also,

How does being a retro-grouch only riding old steel bicycles preclude you from being a fitness nut and then wanting upgrades? It's just that you have to constantly troll ebay looking for rare Campagnolo Super Record titanium bottom bracket spindles or Suntour alloy freewheels. Not better, just different, probably more rare.

BamaPhred said...

I’m glad someone is finding the elusive fitness. I’m having no luck.

Hee Haw the barista said...

What's an "at hiker"?

Hee Haw the barista said...

It took me two tries to prove I'm not a robot.

Maybe I am a robot.

Anonymous said...

What? No commentary on the Times piece “How dishwashers are ruining our cities”?

Adam said...

"Or you could always throw yourself off your bike and sustain an injury, whatever works for you."

this hurts

not as much as my slashed up arm hurt, but still
gonna be weeks off the bike :(

Persia said...

Are dishwashers the electric bikes of crockery cleansing? Discuss.

Anonymous said...

i believe it was Edward Snowden that said, there is no moderation in moderation.

NHcycler said...

Hee Haw the barista: Your AI is working just fine!

N/A said...

#whatdishsoapyourunning

Thru Hiker said...

AT is the Appalachian trail. GAME White Blazer 2004

Anonymous said...

Does the tire pressure sensor have centripical magne(n)t engagement?

Dooth said...

1904 Cadardi knows...retrogrouchery doesn’t preclude fitness and upgrades. I’ve got Ebay bids on a Simplex fluted seatpost ,a pair of Spidel calipers and Specialized hubs (126mm). I’ve got it bad, and that ain’t good.

DISH FRED said...

https://www.cnet.com/how-to/how-much-water-do-dishwashers-use/

Dishwashers are more efficient and better at sanitizing and it's OK to leave bits of food on them (maybe preferred as it acts as an abrasive)

Just be sure to hang dry them on a clothes line

:0) said...

Pro status is two dishwashers, less cupboards. Never unload the dishwasher again.

Try and ride a 17 seat tandem said...

SAN FRANCISCO, April 26, 2018 /PRNewswire/ -- This week Bay Area Bike to Work Day (BTWD) organizers named the winners of the 2018 Bike Commuter of the Year awards. Given to individuals for inspiring bicycling in their Bay Area communities, the Bike Commuter of the Year award recognize a winner from each of the nine San Francisco Bay Area counties for their commitment to bicycling as their primary mode of transport.

Bay Area Bike to Work Day is being held on May 10, 2018, additional information is available at www.youcanbikethere.com

The 2018 winners include Jeffrey Buell from Alameda County, who drops his two kids off at school on a three-seater tandem bicycle, and then pedals on to his work in social services with the city of Berkeley. He hopes to pass on the tradition of bike commuting to his kids. In San Francisco County, Maggie Chestney has dealt with nine different knee operations over the course of 17 years. The first eight left her in pain, but thankfully, the ninth was a success, and by August, just one year after the surgery, she's hoping to be able to bike commute five days a week!

The complete list of 2018 Bike Commuter of the Year award winners:
•Alameda County: Jeffrey Buell (see above) is teaching his children how to live a more healthy and sustainable lifestyle.
•Contra Costa County: Laura Davis is a nurse practitioner in Walnut Creek who bikes 10 miles roundtrip to and from work. A strong advocate for preventing injuries before they occur, Laura's passion for being healthy and active inspires her patients and others around her.
•Marin County: Matt Youngbike commutes daily 26 miles round trip from Mill Valley to San Francisco to his job at First Republic Bank. The best part of his ride to work? "The daily camaraderie with my commute friends and everyone I meet along the way," says Matt.
•Napa County: Zac Soper, who became an avid bike commuter after a car accident in 2009, often rides over 100 miles each week, going to work, doing errands, visiting friends and more.
•San Francisco: Maggie Chestney (see above) says that "biking throughout San Francisco gives you the chance to explore the city's many historic neighborhoods and vibrant cultures through a unique lens — a lens that allows you to be more present in your surroundings."
•San Mateo County: Morgan Colerides 17 miles round trip from his home in Portola Valley to his job at the David and Lucile Packard Foundation in Los Altos. Morgan champions BTWD activities, bicycle workshops and more for his colleagues.
•Santa Clara County:Molly Clancyhas been a cyclist from a very early age and a committed two-wheeled commuter starting in college when she got her $20 blue Schwinn bike. Since moving to the Bay Area four years ago, she has continued to ride her trusty blue bike everywhere.
•Solano County:Kenneth Statsbegan biking when he was eight years old and for the last 10 years has pedaled to work every day from his home in Suisun City to the Clorox plant in Fairfield unless the weather is too stormy to ride safely.
•Sonoma County:Tracey Jones, a medical doctor in physical medicine and rehabilitation, demonstrates the benefits of physical activity to her patients and coworkers at Kaiser Permanente in Santa Rosa by bicycle commuting to work every day. In fact, when she moved to Santa Rosa, she prioritized choosing a home within cycling distance of the hospital.

Each winner will receive dinner for four and a water bottle from Chipotle; a bike headlight and mini toolkit from Mike's Bikes; and a laminated, boxed set of San Francisco Bay Trail map cards from the Association of Bay Area Governments (ABAG). You can read all about the winners at http://youcanbikethere.com/bike-commuter-of-the-year/.

BLT said...

Tell that douche Lucas Jerzy Portela that not all Americans use a dishwasher. Styrofoam plates, paper cups and plastic utensils make dishwashers mostly irrelevant.

bad boy of the south said...

Mmm...pastrami sandwiches. now i have to find a deli in NC.thanks.

JLRB said...

If I can fit my scranus into my bike shorts does that count as fit?

hermit crab said...

Between that awful WSJ article, which my concerned spouse forwarded to me, and the fact that the local moron lobby has seemingly persuaded our local government to remove our only bike lane, which my 12 year old son uses daily, it's been a bad week. I am grateful to be able to come here and get a bit of sanity. Thanks wcrm and all you lot. Without you I'd be leasing the proverbial hyundai.

Cat Fred said...

Meow

dancesonpedals said...

BLT-

You had Styrofoam plates! We ate off the floor!

Anonymous said...

whose dick do I have to suck to get a sticker?

Chazu said...

I needed a dose of Snobbery, so I just returned from a visit to transalt.org. Despite my flyover rube-ness, I greatly enjoyed today's entry there. I dare not comment there for fear of being called out for impersonating an urban sophisticate, so here I am.

The May Day post at TransAlt was no doubt easy pickings for Wildcat, but it had to be said anyway.