Titles Are Like Valve Caps: Who Needs 'Em?

All right, that's it, I'm moving to Carmel:

Do I know which Carmel?  No, it was not immediately clear from the article which state this is.  But when I see an opportunity to mold an entire city in my image--and get paid for it--you'd better believe I take it:

The Carmel City Council is considering whether to add a new paid city employee as a bicycle program administrator. The position could be paid up to $69,000 a year.

City Councilor Bruce Kimball introduced the ordinance at the Nov. 20 meeting as a late add-on to the agenda. Some city councilors said they would feel more comfortable taking time to examine what the position would do before approving it, especially since it was added to the agenda just hours before the meeting.

Oh sure, $69,000 a year isn't much to uproot my entire family and leave the city of my birth, but just think of the opportunities for graft!  Remember the David Byrne bike racks?

(Times sure have changed, he'd have been pilloried for that sexist mud flap girl rack today.)

Well just wait until I commission a series of racks from celebrated minimalist designer Olle Nilsson:

Is there a celebrated minimalist designer named Olle Nilsson?  Not to the best of my knowledge.  However, you'd better believe he's going to present Carmel with some staggering invoices.

Then maybe I'll commission a series of special bikes, like these from Specialized, which were curated from an incredibly diverse group of six (6) bros and one (1) she-bro:



After ten (10) years of bike blogging, during which I witnessed the dawn and subsequent demise of the age of the fixie collabo, this sort of thing hardly registers with me anymore and I found it mostly whimsical and charming--though I did get a little bit of a douchechill from the "Madmen" bike:

Complete with beer taps:

And a crabon mini bar:

Hey, what can I say, that whole whiskey-quaffing Richard Spencer haircut-wearing retro-bro aesthetic just doesn't do it for me.

Speaking of bikes and intoxicants, you will now be able to deliver marijuana in California, but not by bicycle:

Delivery operations will be legal, but, interestingly, only with certain vehicles. Car and truck deliveries are legal; bicycles are not.

Hey, you wouldn't want to do something progressive without putting more cars on the roads, would you?

Of course not.

And in exciting foam hat-related product news, a press release informs me that Coros is flogging a new helmet:



Featuring their bone conduction technology:

Which I described thusly in my Outside column on the subject of headphones:

I once tested a helmet that incorporated bone-conduction speakers in the straps and basically pumped the music from your phone via Bluetooth into your cheekbones, and while I don’t see how this setup kept me any safer than those ubiquitous white earbuds, I can assure you it sounded terrible.

Yes, you may recall I wasn't impressed with that earlier iteration of the Coros, not least of which because I could never get the "Your loved one just crashed and is probably dead" feature to work:



In fact between the crappy audio, the random disconnections from my phone, and the seemingly bogus safety feature I ultimately consigned the thing to my helmet pile (come on, who doesn't have a helmet pile?) and forgot about it.

Glad to see they're back with something that does nothing you can't already do with Strava and a smart watch.

By the way, that's totally the Rickenbacker Causeway on Key Biscayne, I have Fredded there on multiple occasions:



I'm pretty sure it's the biggest climb in Florida.

Finally, Lucas Brunelle has important places to be:

Had to take the tunnel, bus tries to block #fuckit

A post shared by Lucas Brunelle (@lucasbrunelle) on Oct 17, 2017 at 10:57am PDT

His entire oeuvre is a cry for help.