Friday, December 8, 2017

BSNYC Friday Un-Quiz!

It's Friday, which means it's time for my latest Outside column!


I know what I'm talking about, too, because believe it or not there was a time when I used to ride the trainer.  Now of course I know better, and I'd give absolutely anything to have all those hours back.  And you know what I'd do with them?  Absolutely nothing.  I'd sit on my ass and watch TV, because that's exactly what I should have been doing then.

In other news, I went for a ride on a bicycle with voluminous tires today:


It was a ride of a little over 30 miles and one that used to result in some hand numbness towards the end back when I was using regular bars.  Well, I'm pleased to announce that with the Jones bars those days are over, and I'm feeling so dexterous I could easily knit you some booties or mend your clothing with a needle and thread at this very moment.  There are "upgrades," and then there are things that actually make your bicycle way better, and these bars have proven themselves to be a perfect example of the latter.

Indeed, the only blemish on this delightful outing was the fishing line I discovered in my derailleur after my chain started jumping around on the cassette:


"No problem," I thought.  "I'll just take the pulley out and extract the fishing line."  But wouldn't you know it, the multi-tool I was carrying did not include the proper Allen key.  Instead, it appeared the good people at Park Tool had seen fit to equip this particular model with both Phillips and slotted screwdrivers instead of the smaller Allen keys.  Therefore I was forced to hack away at the line with the slotted screwdriver blade until I could pull out most of the obstruction.

And of course as I struggled with and cursed whichever angler had failed to clean up after himself I thought of all the poor creatures who must get stuck in this stuff in a regular basis.  I also thought that birds probably use fishing line to make some badass nests, and I bet they tout their layup and weave pattern just like manufacturers of crabon bikes do:


(Laterally stiff yet vertically compliant.)

Oh, wait, sorry about that:


That's better.

Anyway, I hope the next fish that guy catches bites him in the nuts.

And with that I set you free.  May you fly into the weekend like the Helmet-Crested Fredbird.

I remain,

Blah blah blah,

And so forth,



--Wildcat Rock Machine



30 comments:

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...did I pass the unquizz?

g. said...

hard to complain given this is the only blog he doesn't get paid to write....

Bunyip said...

Scrotus

HDEB said...

Fishing Fred's think monofilament is old skool

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...the last piece of advice you give, about building a wheel or overhauling your bike in the winter, is great.

...but, where do I buy a trainer on sale?

Bryan Bracy said...

podium?

Olle Nilsson said...

Phew, I'm glad this was a short post because it took a lot of willpower hold off on clicking over to the Outside column where you know what you're talking about. I'm kind of disappointed at the inference that you didn't know what you were talking about in the previous Outside articles. But I'm sure if I read the Outside comments section, I would have figured it out already. Should be glowing reviews this time. Surely no one would criticize you for telling them to get off their trainer? So glad I don't know where those comments are located. Ahh, blissful ignorance.

Piskian said...

Just move on,meht.Tedious.

I wanna your bicycle said...

Podium yum yum yum?

No wonder you are so late - what with the fishing line wrapped in all the wrong places.

I am jealous of your steed, by the way.

Have a great weekend, Wildcat!

N/A said...

A Shimano de-railer getting all hung up on fishin' line. Well ain't that something.


Glad the Jonesy bars are working out, dude.

Anonymous said...

That zwift garbage on strava is so annoying. I recommend the "Strava Helper" addon for Firefox and Chrome which strips it out along with the other social bullshit. Unfortunately there's nothing to be done with the mobile apps other than join the chorus of complaint in the Strava forums. So please, go forth and complain!

Anonymous said...

woodpeckers don't need a helmet

1904 Cadardi said...

Does the Helmet-Crested Fredbird have an easily recognizable song?

Anonymous said...

That guy better go fishing with his catcher’s cup, also marketed as the helmet for the family jewels, etc.

Olle Nilsson said...

N/A said A Shimano de-railer getting all hung up on fishin' line. Well ain't that something.

Comment of the day!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Olle Nilsson,

It's a Sram!

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

--> Does the Helmet-Crested Fredbird have an easily recognizable song?

Woo Hoo, of course!

Olle Nilsson said...

Definitely Shimano fishing line then. Sabotage.

Freddy Murcks said...

In my humble opinion, riding a trainer is the surest path to hating your bike and yourself. There are a lot of reasons why I think the advent of fat biking is a good thing, but the best part of it (for me) is having a winter alternative to riding the drainer.

Hee Haw the Barista said...

I imagine any fish caught in the NYC area looks like this.

wishiwasmerckx said...

1904 Cadardi:Of course the Fredbird has its own song:

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now
Cause there's too many places I've got to see
But, if I stayed here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
Cause I'm as fred as a bird now
And this bird you can not change...

Dooth said...

When I was half the age I am now, I'd buy a disposable styrofoam cooler, fill it with ice and a six pack of Bud, cycle over to a spot under the FDR drive near 20th st and the East River, and spend a hot summer day fishing, drinking and smoking weed. It was a miracle I didn't fall in the water.

madalin stunt cars 2 said...

A Shimano de-railer getting all hung up on fishin' line. Well ain't that something.

leroy said...

Ride safe all!

Boston Driver said...

1. Jones bars - is there any difference between a Jones bar and a North Road bar, as found on a Raleigh Sports (besides crabon and a $400 price tag)?

2. Multi-tools are useless. If you're going to take a toolkit with you, figure out which tools you actually need and have usable versions rolled up in a rag. Always include a knife - nature's most useful tool.

3. Yes birds do use fishing line in nests and their young are often tangled up fatally in it. So the Junior Izaak Waltons should clean the shit up!

STG said...

Mountain biking in the winter > trainer. Also, check out the Blackburn Toolminator. Has 3mm - 8mm allen keys, torx (good for campy and disc rotors) screwdrivers and a chain tool.

N/A said...

It's a Sram!

Haha, damnit.

A Lure said...

Funny' I always thought that steering geometry had more to do with a bike holding a line than the derailleur.

Minnesota is even colder than Minnesota said...

From Zuckerberg's Outside page, the proof you really spoke about things you know.

"The author has obviously never lived in Minnesota [...]" Made my weekend.

jellyfishsalad71 said...

That peloton ad is awesome. Mr Snob you should really offer to do the male rider version of the ad for them and film it at your place.