Thursday, May 4, 2017

Bike Month Comes But Once A Year



Yes, that's right, this Saturday, I, the so called "Bike Snob," will be loitering at the Walz Caps booth at Bike Expo New York:


You won't want to miss me, if for no other reason than you can pick up the new BSNYC cap, which is a subtle homage to the local Applebee's.

Seriously.

(Don't worry, it doesn't say "Applebee's" on it.)

Also, if you want to ride down to the Expo together let me know, though I'll tell you right now if it's raining I'm going multimodal with the Brompton:


These days my MetroCard gets more of a workout than my legs.

Speaking of stuff you put on your head:
Yeah, that's right:


Good advice indeed.

By the way, in addition to the helmet misspelling (or correct spelling depending on how you look at it), May isn't "Bicycle Safety Month."  It's just plain Bike Month:


So if anything it would be nice if everyone would stop bugging us about the stupid helmets already.  I realize we're not going to undo Helmet Mania in this country anytime soon (though believe me I'm doing my best on this end), but at the very least they could shut the fuck up about it until June.  Bike Month should be a celebration of the joy of cycling during which we revel in delightful weather, savor the freedom of the bicycle, and appreciate wherever it is we live.

Here are five (5) things you should try at least once during Bike Month:

Riding Without A Helmet

Try it, you might like it.  And I guarantee you'll survive.  If you don't, contact me from beyond the grave and I'll refund your money.

Riding With Headphones

Boy do people ever get self-righteous about that one.  Do you know how dangerous it is to ride while listening to music or a podcast at a moderate volume?  Not very.  In fact, probably not at all.  The biggest risk is that you'll get a ticket depending on your local laws.  (In New York City you're only allowed to wear one earbud, which frankly seems more disorienting.)

Riding No-Handed While Having A Cellphone Conversation

Can you ride no-handed?  Can you walk and talk at the same time without bumping into anything?  If so you can combine them both into a no-handed ride-and-talk.  Of course, it's the kind of thing people see and think, "What an irresponsible person!," but the people who think that are usually douchebags.

Going For a Long Ride Without Wearing Special Clothes

When was the last time you just hopped on your bike and went a long way without getting all dressed up first?  If you're a Fred, not since you were like 8.  However, the truth is it's actually possible to ride a bike without stuffing yourself into an overly-revealing Lycra Fred condom.  In fact, it can be quite liberating, and it might even encourage you to stop along the way and do stuff, like have a drink--which brings me to...

Stop And Have A Freaking Drink for Chrissakes

Trust me, I spent years Fredding about and doing my best not to stop lest I sacrifice precious miles, and I'd get anything to have that wasted time back.  Had I ridden half as much and drunk twice as much I'd probably...well, I'd probably be in even worse shape than I am now, but I'd probably have been a lot more pleasant to be around.  (Then again, if I hadn't spent so much time racing and Fredding about back then I probably wouldn't appreciate not doing it now, so I guess it works both ways.)

Hey, it's Bike Month, loosen up is all I'm saying.

Speaking of which, I saw the following video via the Twitter, and while it purports to be motivational I saw it as nothing less than a horrifying cautionary tale:



I pray to the Good Lob on High that one day this poor Fred is able to break the Shackles of Weeniedom and know what it means to be free.

Seriously, if you get too deep into all of this you can lose the ability to think, and next thing you know you're reading articles about how to purchase food in a deli:
Horrifying.

48 comments:

Two Claws said...

Podium?

Two Claws Up!

Bromptonaut said...

Wahaay!

wle said...

post #3 where is maria the walz cap lady?? that is podia.,.. isn;t it.?

Il Pirata es Mort said...

Missed podio due to doping break

Spokey said...

top nickels

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

May the 4th be with you! SCranus!

McFly said...

Healmeant MILF..........niiiiccceeee.

janinedm said...

Also, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that the mother is wearing her helmet wrong. Two fingers from the eyebrows! How can people be so smug when they can't do it right? What's so hard about it?

McFly said...

Every time that duder breathed I thought Poison's "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" was going to start playing.

Anonymous said...

Is that a Jewish Deli on a bike lane?

Recum Babe wearing a BS Cap, photo please.

Anonymous said...

What's this about two fingers and the mother?

Schisthead said...

"How can people be so smug when they can't do it right?"

I believe "America: The textbook" is what you're looking for.
It's the best explanation I've read.

Anonymous said...

I'd love to attend the BIKE NEW EXPO YORK. But I'll have to pass.

N/A said...

At that convenience store, I'd navigate to them ice cold Budweisers.


Running, biekcycling, performing minor surgical procedures... all endeavors worth stopping for a drink during their offing.

bieks said...

Caveat: If you're thinking of partaking in any or all of Snob's suggested risk taking activities listed above, make sure you're riding a gravel specific bike or you will die.

Steven Dorst said...

Serious comment on headphones:

I use the AfterShock BlueZ2. It goes around the back of your head and it rests, not in your ear, but on the bony protuberance just in front of your ear.

When you choose to ride with a helme(n)t, it doesn't interfere with most helme(n)ts.

And it doesn't violate most headphone laws since it doesn't cover your ears!. You hear what you are streaming PLUS the stuff from your surroundings.

I can't be described as having high audio quality - I doubt anything that relies on bone conduction does. But the sound is good, easily enough for all but the most poor recordings.

Death would be better than that self abuse said...

Just Breathe
A lot of Carbon monoxide in a garage please.

13 reasons why said...

Death would be better, I tried that without success. Left that damn Prius running in the closed garage for what seemed like forever, then gave up, went inside, and made a sandwich.

Die free said...

I did all 5 on my way to work today. This far today has been the best day all week.

leroy said...

Well I'll ride to the Bike Expo Saturday with Mr. BSNYC if he needs company, but if it's raining steadily, I might just head there directly instead of scooting up to Grand Central and backtracking.

My dog wants me out of the house anyway. He's having party supplies delivered and doesn't want to spoil the surprise for me.

But I have a hunch what's going on. He asked me to pick up a beach volleyball net, lighter fluid for tiki torches, palm fronds for a tiki hut, a CO2 compressor for his portable nail gun, and six bottles of Myers rum.

I just hope he's not planning on disabling the smoke detector in the living room again. Our co-op board frowns on indoor beach volley ball tournaments.

Personally, I think they should worry less about the smoke and more about the sand.

janinedm said...

My buddy organized this tour of The Bronx's breweries and empanada restaurants last Fall and it was ah MAZE ing! Provided you're not a triathlete, riding with beers is so great.

Every Month is insult Trump Month said...

I think his new nickname should be Donald J. Cockholster

Die free... said...

Hey janinedm, no one cares if it's done right. Two fingers or four, they are just selling helmets...

RideFaster said...

Please only ride your bike and talk on the phone if you can keep up with the speed of traffic. Those that I see on their phones tend to ride slowly and haphazardly.

janinedm said...

You're right, get a helmet and dangle it from your handlebars...for safety!

Anonymous said...

Riding without a helment and stopping for beers is the best way to start "Bike Month". Now breathe.

1904 Cadardi said...

The downside of talking on the phone while riding is the wind noise sucks for whomever you've called. You're time isn't that important, pull over and stop so they can hear you already.

Also, I'm not a fan of drinking alcohol and riding because it makes my GI tract do the Belgian two step. Can I substitute ice cream?

Older but not much wiser said...

When i was younger; if i was riding no-handed/no helmet at night on the wrong side of the street with a beer in one hand and a doobie in the other, i was in my comfort zone. I still occasionally drink WHILE riding, but generally am riding much safer than before, but still no helmet. And i'm pretty old and many of the safety worshippers didn't make it.

TerpJD said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TerpJD said...

I've generally lost my capacity to be offended by milquetoast public safety messages, but JFC, if you're going to do one on wearing helmets, at least have your "responsible adult" model wear the bloody helmet correctly -- as in, not perched on top of her head like some sort of styrofoam beanie.

Dooth said...

Convenience stores are NO LONGER CONVENIENT?!

janinedm said...

I'll also note I did 70 miles the week before last in jeans and a t-shirt (though I did cheat by wearing a pair of those chamois panties that went around on kickstarter not to long ago).

Spokey said...

finally got back from a chilly / windy ride to actually the read the post.

i use a blue tooth ear piece almost every time i'm out. sometimes i stream iheart radio, sometime i listen to one of snobbie's neighbors doing health podcasts. sometimes some of my ripped 60s vinyl (even the really scratchy stuff).

biggest problem is getting the volume high enough. the car noise is incredible. you probably don't experience it up there now that the average car speed is 8.2 mph but down here where they're ripping by at anywhere from 50-70 mph, it's pretty noisy.

mr 1904 Cadardi @ 3:32

you can get wind canceling blue tooth ear pieces. not perfect but the work well enough. i a couple of plantronics that i use.

Spokey said...

didn't realize that video was about. . .

hmm what was it about?

before i saw it there was an ad for a 'rack valet'. seemed like a lot of work. i just lift mine out of the beat up cardboard box that it lives in, walk five feet to the back of the car and shove it in the receiver.

and what the hell was it with that giant spider chasing them down the road around 2:45?

i do buy in to the part about breathing. i do that all the time. but the rest of it? pure fucking bullshit.

When will robots do more useful stuff??? said...

The giant spider was the shadow of the drone which was filming that dreck. Too bad it wasn't a military drone.

you say drone said...



i sey giant spider spawned by global warming, petroleum fracking, and GMO agriculture

Just live with the Bonk a little longer. said...

All you need to know about navigating a convenience store are the ads on the outside of the convenience store like: Ice Cold Budweiser. Though of course you just shouldn't go in for that either.

dancesonpedals said...

The most horrifying moment of that breathe video came at 2:54 when the shadow of his drone filming him came into view.


ps I'm a trigeek & riding with beer is just fine, so long as I don't spill it

Sometimes safety gear doesn't matter. said...

As far as safety preparation goes, you probably shouldn't ride a thermonuclear bomb into a doomsday weapon like Major Kong did, with or without a helmet. Your chances of survival are not good.

Tim Wilcox said...

Snob, I love cycling caps. I have 30-something, and would love to have one of yours.

But, they're too fucking expensive. I know you have a brood to take care of, but for chrissakes, if the caps were actually affordable, people would buy them in greater quantities.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Tim Wilcox,

You are watching your money yet you own 30 cycling caps?

--Wildcat Etc.

EricBikeCO said...

I had a flat today. Numerous cyclists asked if I was set. A lady even walked out from a business and offered a pump. Gee, people are nice... Then a lady rolls down her window to tell me I need to move off the road... When my ass was not 12" into the road. It was all my fault for riding near Boulder. I will not tell your 17 children what I told her to do with her SUV.

BamaPhred said...

Dear Leroy
I would be more concerned about what happens with the powered up nail gun after they down the 6 bottles of rum.
Or at least I would if this was happening in Alabama.

Anonymous said...

I hope you give high-fives to everyone at the caps booth. Is Mario still in town? Would be great to see him there.

Anonymous said...

Aww, leave Vegan Cyclist alone! He really doesn't take himself that seriously y'know.

BeerDrivenCyclist said...

"You trade beer for... what? Let's no get too crazy."

Not a truerer word was everer spoken. True.

Safety Mom said...

I use the 2 In The Pink 1 In The Stink measuring system.

al Qa'bong said...

Thanks for your common-sense position on bike helmets. Their use promotes the idea that cycling is some kind of bizarre extreme sport, when for many of us it's just everyday year-round transportation. Furthermore, I've found that headphones are essential once the temperature drops below -15° Celsius. Once it gets past -30° I add a ball cap. I'm not kidding.

Cheers from Saskatchewan.