Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Flexing Your Mussels

Today's post needs be short, but rest assured that if you want more of me--and who doesn't?--you can get it over at the Bike Forecast, which today features my award-winning nature photography:


That's actually a photo of a lion peering out from the reeds, but unfortunately you can't see it because it's behind the hawk.

Speaking of nature, Montana is under siege by killer mussels, and in order to combat this scourge they're going to tax visiting bicyclists:


That's right, if you're not a Montanan and you should suddenly find yourself in "Big Sky Country" somehow (like you were abducted by aliens during a ride, probed anally, and then unceremoniously dumped there by the Grays) you'd better have a "nonresident invasive species decal" on your bike or there's gonna be trouble:

New section. Section 4. Nonresident invasive species bicycle decal.

1. an invasive species decal must be affixed in a conspicuous place to each bicycle that is brought into and used in montana by a nonresident. A nonresident may not use or give permission for the use of a bicycle the nonresident brought into the state on which an invasive species decal is not affixed.
2. an invasive species decal must be purchased each calendar year for $25 at locations prescribed by the department of fish, wildlife, and parks. The decal is not transferable between bicycles.
3. money collected by payment of fees under this section must be deposited in the invasive species account established in 80-7-1004.

And no, as far as I can tell this was not some kind of April Fool's joke, as the douchebag responsible apparently has a great big alien probing wand up his ass over cyclists for some reason.  Here's what he said about them when he spoke against a bicycle safety bill:

“They’re some of the most self-centered, rude people navigating on the highways and county roads I’ve seen. They won’t move over. You can honk at them. They think they own the highway.”

The Senate president also criticized cyclists by saying they use the road without paying a gas tax to support maintenance, and suggested cyclists over the age of 16 should pay a $25 tax.

“They have this entitlement mentality, many of them, that we should just wait for them, and quite frankly I think that’s wrong. … Quite frankly I don’t want more of them in the state because there’s already too many of them as it is.”

Wow, what a shitbag.  Good luck with your zebra mussels, asshole.  I guess if I ever visit Montana I'll bring a big bag of the little fuckers (they're apparently invasive here too so finding some shouldn't be too hard) and flush them down Montana's only toilet.

"Welcome to Montana! Swim, my little lovelies!"  BA-WOOSH!!!!

They're totally going to erect a statue of this guy in New South Wales.

Lastly, remember how last year I curated the Second Annual BSNYC Gran Fondon't?

Sure you do.

Well I'm pleased to announce there's roughly a 70% chance there will be another one this year.  Moreover, there's also a 59% chance that prior to the Fondon't I'll curate some kind of Pre-Fondon't, and if I do that there's also a 40% chance I'll procure some sort of sponsor to buy us beer afterwards.

Just keep in mind that there's also a 75% chance that none of this will happen, which I realize defies the laws of mathematics, but you see I never was very good at math.

And there you have it.

See you tomorrow.

Love,


--Wildcat Rock Machine


58 comments:

Buffalo Bill said...

No way!

Buffalo Bill said...

Ok, so I made the top step.

Buffalo Bill said...

No big deal - all the real action is over at the other place now.

N/A said...

I really dig the post-Fondon't reports and pictures and such.

theEel said...

weed.

Ted K. said...

230. The more dangerous leftists, that is, those who are most power-hungry, are often characterized by arrogance or by a dogmatic approach to ideology. However, the most dangerous leftists of all may be certain oversocialized types who avoid irritating displays of aggressiveness and refrain from advertising their leftism, but work quietly and unobtrusively to promote collectivist values, “enlightened” psychological techniques for socializing children, dependence of the individual on the system, and so forth. These crypto- leftists (as we may call them) approximate certain bourgeois types as far as practical action is concerned, but differ from them in psychology, ideology and motivation. The ordinary bourgeois tries to bring people under control of the system in order to protect his way of life, or he does so simply because his attitudes are conventional. The crypto-leftist tries to bring people under control of the system because he is a True Believer in a collectivistic ideology. The crypto-leftist is differentiated from the average leftist of the oversocialized type by the fact that his rebellious impulse is weaker and he is more securely socialized. He is differentiated from the ordinary well-socialized bourgeois by the fact that there is some deep lack within him that makes it necessary for him to devote himself to a cause and immerse himself in a collectivity. And maybe his (well-sublimated) drive for power is stronger than that of the average bourgeois.

Wesley Bellairs said...

Ted Bloeme

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Top ten scranus fodder again!

bunkytree said...

First ever toptennis!

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

So I heard on the radio this morning that the future of suburbia is tied to walkable, not driveable downtowns. Who'da ever thunk that? Apparently people jonesing for a slice of pizza want to walk instead of drive.

Captcha wanted me to select all the squares with a vehicle!

Anonymous said...

Maybe Adventure Cycling should move from Missoula to a city in a more bike-friendly state. Boise comes to mind....

Bryan said...

You sound like a weather forecaster talking about the Fondon't. I had some other comment, but reading about that dbag in Montana made me forget shit.

Chazu said...

A custom frame builder named Mr. Strong (Kurt Strong?) lives and works in Bozeman, MT. The name of his company is Strong Frames. (use the Googles)

Clearly, cycling is an asset to the local economy. Perhaps Mr. Strong should join Adventure Cycling and move...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Lt. Obvi,

From what I can tell people who move from the city to the suburbs are attracted to the aesthetics of walkability, but in practice still drive everywhere.

--Wildcat Etc.

Bryan Bracy said...

How did Montana beat California to the punch with this ingenious tax?

Chazu said...

Bryan,

The answer is "cultural bias in favor of automobiles and against self-locomotion."

dancesonpedals said...

Someone will find a marketing opportunity in bikes that are invasive species resistant. I used to fish in felt-soled boots (fun for skating over hardwood floors and linoleum) but apparently they were impossible to purge of didymo (aka rock snot). Every fishing supplier guilted us out until we bought rubber-soled wading boots. Instead of an auto-lubing chain, there will be auto-disinfecting douches.

That a-hole in MT just hates bikes.

Anonymous said...

Ironic really that most states want Bicycles to obey the same laws as motor vehicles, Stop lights, Stop signs, Etc. Yet when Bicycle acts like motor vehicle, suddenly WE are the ones that are being selfish and self centered.

I'd really rather not, share the road with cars, BUT what choice do I have!? Mas

leroy said...

Well I think Montana Senate President Scott Sales is just grumpy because he needs a nap.

My dog informs me he has the perfect pillow for him.

MonkeyDoo said...

When this was first introduced I figured it was a fairly inspired jab by an anti-bike Senator. Out of state cyclists as an invasive species? Classic. No doubt communities around NYC might agree as the Freds flee the city on weekends. But then the Montana state passed it, and the joke became serious quite quickly, but please don't flush any mussel larvae down our toilet, it plugs up the outhouse. I'll loan you a bike instead.

Stump said...

do you serve fondue at the fondon't?

dancesonpedals said...

ROCK SNOT!!!

mlovejoy said...

Does this even have anything to do about bicycles? Might it be an veiled attack on immigrants and having a reason to stop people riding bikes and checking for identification?

bieks said...

Guess I'm blocked from this blog at work for good. Good thing I'm in Canada or they'd block the transalt site for being too socialist, or too trans, or too alt.

All of a sudden your other blog is my go to. Dressing for NYC weather might mess up some of my commutes, but hey, dem's the breaks.

Anonymous said...

Is Ted K ever gonna be critical of anybody on the right?

Ironic that he is from Montana too, and traveled by bike.

Kate said...

For the record, Montana has, like, at least THREE flush toilets, last time I counted.

Very Slim Pickens said...

The Montana Legislature just appropriated the funds to build a fourth flush toilet.

As Ed Norton used to say of the guy who designed the Paris Sewer System "Flume de Flush".

Snob, Enjoy your vacation in Montana, Custer loved his. Scott Sales's Great Grandpa was a member of the legislature in 1876, he complained bitterly about Custer's horses leaving piles of shit everywhere.

Fake Ted is obsessed about nothing said...

Fake Ted is Cluless. The unabomber manifesto is a meaningless, self contradictory, poorly written infantile tirade, which no one cares about. For example,the most total views for any Youtube video about the manifesto is ~7,000, most of them are in the hundreds, or even less. Popular videos of silly cats get this many views in an hour........ Music videos probably in a minute or second.

I am curious, in yellow said...

Has Bikesknob checked out the test for this life insurance deal?

https://www.healthiq.com/life-insurance/cyclist

Any comment from Wildcat or others?

Hee Haw the Barista said...

Duhmockrusee

ken e. said...

smooth segue to video of cats ringing service bells.

Freddy Murcks said...

I have visited Montana and ridden my bikecycle while there. I had a good time. But I guess I won't be doing that ever again.

Carl Duellman said...

if i pay the $25 will everyone shut the fuck up? just sayin.

Bikeboy said...

If the esteemed Senator Scott Sales believes that road-going cyclists have an "entitlement mentality" now... wait 'til he levies another tax! If I was paying a special tax to ride my bicycle, I'd ALWAYS take the lane!!

"Can't we all just get along?"
- Rodney King, 20th-century statesman/philosopher

Bachman Turner Pedal Drive said...

If the swag bag for the Gran Fondont includes Flossing String I'm in.

Please plan the route so the Peloton can do a simultaneous fart in front of Trump Tower.

Anonymous said...

thanks, I will add that to my list of reasons not to visit Montana, #79 right after: #77. there are about 45,000 more interesting places I want to visit before I die and #78. Montana voted for Trump by a 20% margin, they must either be really fucking stupid or just hateful racists.

1904 Cadardi said...

Doesn't requiring a license fee only for out of state bicycles violate the Privileges and Immunities Clause of the US Constitution? The one that states "The Citizens of each State shall be entitled to all Privileges and Immunities of Citizens in the several States."

Anonymous said...

How did this not rate a Kickstarter?

https://www.dezeen.com/2017/03/10/i-con-smart-condom-ring-measure-performance-bedroom-design-technology/#disqus_thread

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Anonymous at 2:30, to be fair about it, we have to also consider the possibility that those Montanan Trumpers are both really fucking stupid and hateful racists.

JLRB said...

MT: How do they know if a bicycle is from out of state?

Nature Photography: The blue bike in nature just draws your vision to it so you don't see anything else

Dane Watt said...

I live in Missoula, there were five last time I counted.

Hair Furor said...

How does Ted K bypass the Captcha? I often fail it, and I'm a real boy!

bieks said...

Nobody knows how many toilets are in Montana since they are for the exclusive use of the bears. Everyone else just shits in the woods.

An Elephant Talking To a Naked Man said...

How do you breathe through that thing?

aikibike said...

friggin Draconian ! How do they know if you're from out of state? How do these even figure into cycling? I would think that all the visiting fishermen/women bring more than a thousand cyclists. Hated Bozeman when I lived there. The police target out of state cars routinely. Who's being shellfish, not us!

Anonymous said...

Really makes you want to saddle up and ride to Montana!

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Movin' to Montana soon, gonna be a dental floss tycoon...

Anonymous said...

Snob, your line
"They're totally going to erect a statue of this guy in New South Wales" is awesome.

BeerDrivenCyclist said...

Snobbage,

As a current resident of Melbourne (the Australian one, not any of the others that bear the esteemed name - I'm looking at you Melbourne, Florida you posers) thanks for calling out our government for installing "...the world's narrowest bike lanes" in yesterdays post. It was clearly a case of 'do the job properly' which would have cost way too much or do just enough to piss off ALL road users. I guess the latter won.

In order to support my out of state MT helmentless bikecycle brethren I have asked the New South Wales government to consider a 'Montana Senate President Scott Sales' decal to be affixed to the bikecycle frame of any out of state bikecyclists bikecycles. Clearly he is an invasive human bean. Alternatively they could also be affixed to the front of their mandatory Australian standard compliant foam lid.

It's the least we could do to assist in removing Montana Senate President Scott Sales as an invasive human bean.

By the way - MT has just been added to my places to never visit again. It isn't a long or exhaustive list. The only other list member state is New South Wales...

4/4 said...

Wikiquote quote of the day:





We never get anywhere in this world without the forces of history


and individual persons in the background helping us to get there. If you


have the privilege of a fine education, well, you have it because


somebody made it possible. If you have the privilege to gain wealth and


a bit of the world’s goods, well, you have it because somebody made it


possible. So don’t boast, don’t be arrogant. You, at that moment,


rise out of your self-centeredness to the type of living that makes you


an integrated personality.


--Martin Luther King, Jr.




Anonymous said...

New South Wales is going to get an erect statue of this guy? How big will it be?

AYHSMB said...

A small statue for a small man with an even smaller erection.

Appropos to yesterday's comments regarding NSW's politicians. Both Baird (the premier) and Gay (the road minister) have gone but their legacy of destroying cycling infrastructure and legislating insane cycling fines remains. Like arsehole politicians everywhere their legacy remains after they've gone.

Anonymous said...

The size of the statue erected shall matter not, as it will be placed upon a sizeable column, so people for miles around will come and see.

Clarkey said...

Snob, you're no bird Fred - your photo is of an immature bald eagle. They don't get the white head and tail until they are around five years old. Until then they are varying degrees of mottled brown and white. Your welcome.

bad boy in the south said...

A pre-fondon't?Now he tells us.well,I better start pedaling.it's a long way from the Raleigh area.

Anonymous said...

Montanabama...Muntuckey...living up to it's name. They are loosing all their trails to Wilderness study areas. Tough state for resident cyclists too.

Anonymous said...

I am so never going to visit this Montana area and herewith register my protest to this schmuck called - Senator Scott Sales

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